When it comes to humiliating doctor visits, it doesn’t get much worse than this. Prepare for a bad case of the cringe.
1. I Was Just Following Instructions
When I went to law school, I was going to live on campus, so I had to take an exam to ensure I had my immunizations and all was good. A very young nurse walked in, I handed her the form, and we started the exam: height, weight, blood pressure, all of that. I was sitting in the chair, and she was going down the form, reading it out loud.
As she was ticking off the items, she very casually said, "And I’m going to need a sperm sample". I swear, my jaw hit the floor. She reached back and handed me a sample cup and continued, "There is a bathroom two doors down, and when you are done, just bring it back in here". I hadn’t had a physical or medical exam in years, so I didn’t know what the protocol was.
I got very quiet, but she was very professional about it, so I got up and took the cup to the bathroom. The room was a small, all-white clinical bathroom with a toilet, sink, mirror, and medical waste trash can. There was no stimulation anywhere, so to speak, but I began the process of trying to provide a sample into a cup.
After about ten minutes, as I was starting to ramp up, she knocked on the door and said, "Are you okay in there?" I awkwardly replied, "Yes! One moment!" and then she left. Eventually, after a few more minutes, I squeaked out my reward and sheepishly walked back to the examination room. I went ahead and placed my cup on the table.
She was sitting there filling out the form and said, "Okay, just a couple more items, and then we can get you a tetanus shot because you are due, and then we…" She stopped because at that moment, she glanced at the cup, wheeled her chair over to the table, picked up the cup, looked into it, took a long pause. Then she suddenly turned beet red. She exclaimed, "I am so so sorry. I meant a urine sample".
2. I Was Left With Nothing But Embarrassment
I found a small lump on my left testicle, so I went to see the urologist. I walked into the room and my stomach dropped. There was a doctor there...with around 20 students. The doctor told me to lie down on the bed take my pants and underwear off. He told me not to worry about the students, as they would be doctors one day as well.
He put gloves on and proceeded with the exam. He was trying to find the lump by moving his fingers around my left nut. After he finally found it, he called over the first student and told him to look for the lump. Every single person in that room took a turn touching my balls, half of who were female. It was extremely weird.
3. Lost In Translation
I'm Brazilian and had a friend who didn't speak Portuguese call me and say, "There's blood in my stool," so I got him to the ER right away. The hospital crew didn't speak English, so I had to go with him into the room. I explained what happened to the doctor, who didn't believe our story. He thought we were having "fun" together when the bleeding started because he was going to check my friend's rear end while I was in the room.
The doctor made a gesture to him to put his pants down and turn around, so he did. I started getting really worried about what I was about to see. I asked, "Can I go outside and then you just tell me what you saw? I'll translate everything you tell me, but I'd like to give you some privacy". The doctor just stared at me as if to ask, "Why?"
While my friend was getting his parts checked, I was in the corridor laughing so hard the nurse thought I was having some sort of panic attack. I had to explain to her what had just happened. So, since she could speak English, she went into the room to make things easier for me and perhaps see if I was telling the truth.
The doctor figured out my friend was ok—he had just eaten too many beets. All he needed was some ointment, and the nurse started to explain to us how to use it. For some reason, she gave us the instructions while speaking very slowly and making gestures saying, "Get some ointment with your index finger and go oooutsiiiide. NOOOT INNN. Outsiiiiide".
4. My Diagnosis Was Brief
I had a ton of pain in my nuts that wouldn’t go away and kept me up at night. Because a recent coworker had been diagnosed with testicular cancer, I got freaked out and went in to get the pain checked out. After much inspection and touching, the doctor asked me what kind of underwear I wore. I told him boxers. He recommended I get boxer briefs because I have saggy balls and had most likely torn a ligament or muscle.
I immediately bought some boxer briefs, and sure enough, within a little over a month, the pain subsided. I paid $250 for the doctor to tell me I should get new underwear.
5. My Diagnosis Blew Everyone Away
I was around 14 or 15 and was fighting Langerhans cell histiocytosis. I had to get loads of chemotherapy and meds on the side and was in for my weekly checkup. I had been suffering from intestinal pain, and the doctor proceeded to check on that. As he pressed around on my stomach and colon area, he asked if the pain got worse.
He changed the angle of how he pressed on the colon area. I didn't realize what was coming until it was too late. All of a sudden, I let out the probably most giant gas cloud that I ever had in my entire life. My doctor jokingly said, "Oh look, I found a pocket of propane gas," before kinda getting green-faced because that gust of wind smelled truly horrific. We both fled that room and closed the door only to be greeted by the bewildered face of a nearby nurse who asked, "What was that noise?"
6. It Was A Testy Situation
I had a lump on my testicle. With thoughts of Lance Armstrong in my head, I went to the doctor. My doc was one of my friends, not necessarily a close friend, but someone I ran into regularly and enjoyed chatting with. I would much rather have a complete stranger inspect my balls than someone I know. To make matters worse, he had a student with him, so two people had to check it out.
Then, I needed an ultrasound. While the concept of a young female student dealing with your groin area could be positive for some, the reality of it was intensely uncomfortable. Thankfully, the lump ended up being nothing noteworthy or concerning, but given the discomfort of the whole situation, I was almost hoping it was serious.
7. The Doctor Was A Real Pill
I was pretty young and had never swallowed a pill before. My only experience with anything pill-like was Flinstone vitamins. I was at the doctor's with my mom and was given a Tylenol and a cup of water. No one imagined that I had never taken a pill before, so I popped it in my mouth and chewed vigorously. That was a huge mistake. I immediately threw up from the bitter taste.
My reaction was surprise and confusion. The doctor was like, "You just swallow them with the water," like I was an idiot.
8. I Was Full Of It
One day, I woke up with severe pain in my lower right abdomen. I was aware this was a possible indication of appendicitis, so I was worried. I got to the walk-in clinic, where they ran some tests and an x-ray. After a while, the doctor came in and simply said, "You're full of [poop]," and laughed. I said, "Excuse Me?" I found out I was severely constipated. They prescribed a laxative, and a few hours later, I was feeling a lot better.
After the water pipes in my city broke due to a hurricane, I got a parasite and ended up in the hospital for almost two weeks. The doctors said it was a third-world parasite that they had never seen before. Therefore, I had hordes of medical students coming in and out of my room every day asking me really invasive questions. Then, some nurse read that hedgehogs can carry this parasite as well—I had a hedgehog.
So, I had to call up my landlord and have her scrape poop off of my hedgehog's wheel at 3 AM, put it in a bag, and bring it to the hospital for testing. I had random hospital employees coming into my room every few hours after that, asking me if I was the girl with the hedgehog poop. I found out that my hedgehog's poop was perfectly clean. The kicker was that this supposed "third world parasite" was just Giardia.
10. I Was Not Down With That
I had to go in for a physical. I was wearing the gown, and the doctor had asked me to drop my trousers. As I was doing so, she had said something, but I couldn't make it out because she mumbled. So I stopped pulling them down. She decided to just go for it and realized they weren’t down all the way. She looked at me with her old wrinkly face and said, "Oh honey, that's not down enough," and gave them a tug. She said this while the door was still open with only a curtain blocking the doorway. I know I heard laughter.
11. I Wanted To Put A Halt To The Pain
I was getting ready to go to a BBQ/pool party. I had changed into my swimsuit, put clothes over it, and I was doing chores before I left home. My face started feeling numb, and I was getting a headache. I called to get the advice of a nurse. She told me to call an ambulance. The paramedics came, transported me to the hospital, and checked me into the ER. They did an exam, CT scan, and labs.
They found nothing and decided to discharge me to follow up with my regular doctor. While waiting for discharge paperwork, I was sitting on a hospital bed in the hall. My neck was really aching from my halter-top, so I pulled the strap over my head to relieve the pressure. Then, it hit me. I'm fairly large-chested, and my halter-top swimsuit was pinching a nerve in my neck and causing all the symptoms. I was too embarrassed to tell the doctor or nurses.
12. My Condition Needed To Be Rectified
I had an abscess near my sphincter. The ER doctor knew that it was going to be really painful for me and took it as a good teaching opportunity. He brought in about eight new doctors so that they could watch me scream in pain for 15 minutes. A really cute female doctor came up beside me and held my hand the entire time and told me I could squeeze her hand if I needed to.
The initial meds did nothing for the pain, so they gave me something stronger, which was painful. It didn't do anything for the pain either, but it stopped me from squirming, which helped the doctor. Afterward, they stuffed the wound with this packing fiber to keep it open. It fell out the next day, so I had to go back to the ER to get it re-packed. And yet still, this nightmare kept getting worse.
The person who did it was the same cute doctor who held my hand. Sadly, it didn't heal properly and formed a fistula. I met with a surgeon to see what to do about it but was told that there was a chance that the surgery would leave me incontinent since they would need to snip my sphincter. I was only 26 at the time, and I couldn't be pooping myself for the rest of my life, so I declined treatment.
For the next two years, I had to patch the fistula up with gauze and medical tape after every shower and poop. I thought I had to live the rest of my life like that until I looked up the best colorectal surgeon and had a consultation with him. He was very confident he could treat me without causing incontinence, and so I finally got the surgery.
It was successful, and after another eight months of healing, I was back to normal. All of this came from using a sauna at the gym. I was sitting on a towel and also had a towel wrapped around my lower half. But apparently, two layers of towels weren't enough to stop whatever germs infected me.
13. My Follow Up Was Crushing
Many years ago, as a young man, I got the glorious present of warts from a lady friend and needed surgery to get them burnt off my bits. Not a fun thing. They brought in a small group of interns for the initial examination to observe and learn. Meanwhile, the stern doctor explained that the pattern of growths was mostly linked to shaving before turning me over and giving my bumhole a thorough check. It was not a great day.
A few months later, I had to go in to check for any stragglers and obtain a clean bill of health. When I got to the examination room, a young, quite attractive female doctor greeted me. This was not a great situation to chat someone up, but I was surprised by her friendliness. She then had a look at her chart, said my name, and asked which school I used to go to.
After I replied, she laughed and said, "Cool! I was two years below you," and started enumerating all the friends we might have in common, which were many. She then told me that, at the time, she had had a crush on me. She then rechecked the chart to see what medical duty she had to perform, went completely silent, and proceeded to check all my nether regions.
14. Room With A View
I was getting a permanent tube in my right ear and went to the hospital for a surgical consult. I was waiting around in the exam room for what seemed like ages. Finally, the doctor walked in and handed me a gown. She told me she would be back in a minute once I was undressed. When she came back, she asked me to lie on the exam table with my feet in the stirrups.
At this point, I explained to her that I was there for an ear consult. She asked my why I undressed then. We were both wildly confused. Then another surgeon walked in for my consult. I had stripped for a doctor who went to the wrong room.
15. It Was A Knee Jerk Reaction
I was sitting in a hospital room waiting for the surgeon to come and tell me about the knee surgery I was about to have. I was wearing a surgical gown, hairnet, and surgical stockings to prevent thrombosis. There were loads of nurses coming in and out until the surgeon finally arrived to explain the procedure. He asked if I had any questions before I got the final prep.
I asked him why I needed to wear a hairnet if they were operating on my knee. He explained it was not a hairnet—it was the paper surgical underpants I was meant to be wearing. I had been lying there for about an hour with a pair of underpants on my head like it was nothing. No wonder so many nurses came to check on me!
16. The Proof Was In The Pictures
Back when I did pole fitness, I would sometimes have bruises in weird places like my upper inner thighs, behind my knee, inner arm, etc. I had to go to the gynecologist. Going to the gynecologist with major inner thigh bruises led to some carefully phrased questions followed by even more questions. I had to show the doctor pictures of what I had been doing.
17. My Problem Was Rare, But Not Unheard Of
I had a recurring/constant ear infection for probably around eight months one year. I did a tele-visit with a new primary care doctor, and he prescribed antibiotics. He told me if it didn’t clear up that, I would have to go to the ear, nose, throat doctor (ENT). I finished the round and my ear cleared for a little bit but then returned to being fully messed up.
There was a long wait time for doctors and specialists where I lived, so many months after my ear infection had started, I finally went to the ENT. He took one quick look in my ear and led me to another room. He had me lie on my side and pulled out a hearing aid dome that apparently had fallen off and gotten stuck in there. I couldn't believe my eyes.
I was embarrassed since I had lost a dome but figured it had fallen out somewhere and not into my ear. I never connected the timeline of the two incidents, so I didn’t piece it together as an option for what might possibly be wrong. He tried to reassure me that it happens pretty often, but then he added that it usually happened to elderly patients, and I was probably the youngest person he had pulled one out of.
18. The Scent Of Shame
I was five years old and thought that air freshener was EAR freshener. So I plugged the end of a Febreze into my ear and let loose. I actually made it to the second ear—then I realized I had SERIOUSLY messed up. I had burning pain and had damaged my eardrums from the pressure. I went to the ER, and my father was freaking out, thinking I had gone deaf. He was asking why nobody was helping us and staring at the TVs. It was September 11th, 2001—and there I thought I was having a bad day.
19. It Was Not A Cover-Up, Just Cover Girl
When I was about nine years old, my mom had some brownish lipstick. As a prank, I put in on my underwear and walked around the house with my pants sagging. I forgot about it, and that night I got up to go pee. When I went to lie back down, the spring popped out of the bed and cut my side really bad. I got to the hospital and remembered about the underwear after they asked me to change into a gown.
I didn't want to have my rear sticking out from the gown, so I kept my underwear on. After they stapled me up, they asked my mom to leave, and they asked me again what happened. I guess they saw my fake poo-stained undies with blood and were wondering what was going on in my house. My mom was mad, but we laugh about it now.
20. I Felt Like The Butt Of A Joke
I had a cyst on my upper rear crack for the better part of a month. One lovely Saturday morning, it got so large and swollen that I couldn’t even walk or sit down without crying in pain, so I went to the doctor. I was the first person to urgent care that morning. I found myself lying sideways on a table with the doctor using a scalpel to force an eruption of the volcano that had formed between my cheeks.
21. Mocked For Misunderstanding
I was a little kid and was at the doctor’s office. He asked me my name, date of birth and then asked, "Sex?" He meant male or female, but I was young, so I didn’t know. I got nervous and felt awkward. I immediately turned to look at my mom and quickly said, "No, I'm too little," thinking I was going to get in trouble. They both just laughed at me.
22. A High-Pressure System Rolled In…And Out
I use a CPAP machine. For a while, I had stopped using it, and during that time I had lost about 40 pounds. When I started using it again, the first night, the pressure was way too high for the new me. It pumped in so much air that I swallowed a lot. The next day I was in agony, so I made an appointment with the gastroenterologist. I had to explain to the doctor that I had made an appointment because my CPAP was set too high, so I spent the entire weekend in pain, bloated with gas and passing wind nonstop.
23. I Clapped Back With A Tall Tale
I was in another country and got chlamydia while I was there. I pretended to be my friend, so I wouldn’t have to pay a fee to see the doctor. My friend was married, so they tried to call her husband to inform him "his wife" had an STI. I had to think fast so they wouldn’t call him—but I'm not proud of what I said. I told the doctor an elaborate lie about him knowing I had relations with someone because he "likes to watch and not partake". Therefore, we weren’t intimate, so he couldn’t have gotten it. Hence, there was no need to call him. I don’t know what I was thinking, but the horrified look on the 75-year-old doctor's face was hilarious.
24. The Pirate's Life Isn't For Me
When I was about 13, I had been watching a documentary about pirates and decided I wanted to look like one and have an earring on one ear. So, I went to use one of my little sister's stick-on earrings. Somehow it ended up inside my ear canal rather than on my earlobe. While I was trying to get it out, I pushed it in deeper to the point that no one could get it out. We had to go to urgent care. I was embarrassed to tell my parents, let alone a doctor, how and why it happened since I was old enough to know better. It was a pretty ridiculous story.
25. It Was A Sore Subject
I had discovered sores on my tongue and thought I might have an STI. I panicked. I was extremely worried, so I went to my doctor. As it turned out, my new toothbrush was more firm than I was used to. Apparently, I had brushed my tongue so hard with it that I caused damage to it. The doctor prescribed me a softer toothbrush.
26. My Discomfort Was Nothing To Sneeze At
I would get eye infections fairly easily, so at the first sign of something being wrong, I usually took note. At the time, my parents had just moved to a new home and invited me to spend some time there and help them unpack. My eyes were very sensitive. So much so that I was basically in a constant state of crying. Tears were running down my face with no effort from me whatsoever.
After a day or so, I told my dad that something strange was happening, and my eyes wouldn’t stop leaking tears. So he recommended that I go to the eye doctor just in case there was a significant problem. I had never experienced anything like that, and it was so consistent that I was convinced my eyes were warning me something was wrong. The doctor heard what I had to say, looked at my eyes, and just said, "You have allergies".
27. I Was Clear Out Of Pride
When I was 12, I had a terrible stomach ache. I couldn't even move. Somehow my mom and my sister took me to the doctor. They said that I had to use an enema. I said, "Ok, what is that?" I looked at my mom and sister, who were trying hard not to laugh. They told me what it was. Then I went to the hospital bathroom with my mom. I kept yelling, "DON'T PUT IT ALL IN!" as she was going as deep as she could. It hurt, but at least I could finally poop.
28. Three Times Was Not A Charm
I had to have surgery to remove growths from my rear. My boyfriend knew as he was the one to drive me to surgery. While waiting for the surgery, THREE SEPARATE TIMES, people came in, asking me to say, in my own words, why I was there. I had to say out loud THREE TIMES, "I am here to have growths removed from my butt". My boyfriend sat right next to me through it. If I had known that was going to happen, I wouldn't have had him in the pre-op with me. To this day, I still feel like I was pranked.
29. Bad Dictation
I was a freshman in high school and had to go for my normal yearly physical. It was at a small office in a new location, and the desk person was a girl who went to the same school as me. I brought up to the doctor that I had a small lump in my sack. The physical continued, and he showed me his new work toy—a speech-to-text microphone that was connected to his laptop.
He started dictating, "Patient complains of a small, painless lump inside the scrotum". It wasn’t working right, so he tried again louder, "PATIENT COMPLAINS OF A SMALL, PAINLESS LUMP INSIDE THE SCROTUM". I guarantee the whole office heard him because as I was leaving, there was no eye contact made with said desk-gal leaving the doctors that day—or in the school halls ever again.
30. My Medical Encounter Took An Embarrassing Twist
A hurricane was coming, but I could tell a Bartholin’s cyst was coming on as well. I tried a sitz bath, but nothing worked, so I went to the local MedCare. I had to explain to the young person doing the intake info that I needed a woman present and that I knew my issue. He didn’t believe me. The male doctor came in. I told him I knew my issue. He looked at my hoo-ha, and we changed rooms.
I got the good meds, and they lanced my cyst. There was blood everywhere. They had to take me into another room to recover while a hazmat crew was called in to clean up the room. Then the hurricane came, and my Pikachu was packed with gauze. I had to pull a yard of gauze out of my intimate parts using only cold compresses. At the time, I was in working at a local gym to make some money. Wouldn’t you know it, but the man I attacked with my cyst came in every darn day! It was so embarrassing.
31. A Case Of Mistaken Identity
My husband had a rash and had to go to the doctor. He walked into the office and was surrounded by phallic models. The doctor asked how his weenie was. Startled, my husband said, "Ok, I just have a rash". The doctor said, "Show me," so he pulled up his shirt. Then my husband realized he'd made a mortifying mistake. He had gone to the wrong doctor. He had the same name and same address as the doctor he was supposed to go to; however, this one wasn’t a regular doctor. He did penile implants, whereas my husband had shingles!
32. The Irony Of It All
I had just bought a new type of perfume and put some on in the morning. By mid-day, though, my neck was red, puffy, and itchy. Over-the-counter stuff wasn't doing anything, so I headed to the college infirmary. I got in and was giving a nurse the details before the doctor came in. Then, she asked the question I was dreading, "And what perfume was it?"
I told her, "It's by Christian Dior," and mumbled the name. She asked me again, "I'm sorry, dear, but I didn't quite catch that". I sighed and replied, "It's called Poison. Poison by Christian Dior". I looked over at her, and she just had this look on her face. I told her, "Go ahead, laugh. I would if I were you". She did grin pretty widely, and there was a bit of a giggle when she told the doctor.
33. I Couldn’t Write This One Off
I was 17 years old and decided to write "Hello" on my weenie with a Sharpie before my doctor’s appointment. The doctor was my family physician, and I thought it would be funny. Then I rode my bike to his office, forgetting that it was August and hot out. I got into the exam room and went to put on the gown. I discovered that my sweat spread the sharpie all over my junk from my thighs to my waistband.
I used some cotton swabs and paper towels, but I had to give up because I just kept getting the ink all over the sink and counter. The pile of black cotton swabs in the trash was disgusting. Not only did that not help, but removing the excess just made my wiener look like it had gangrene and was starting to rot instead of having something on it. It was really the worst-case scenario.
The doctor came in, and we went through the whole exam. He noticed an elevated heart rate, so I just told him I rode my bike there. We got to the turn and cough part, and I hesitated. I took a deep breath and explained to the man what had just happened. He just sat there unperturbed, having been a physician for 15 years at this point.
He knew I was a bit of a handful as a kid since he was the one who had stitched me up several times. I had also dropped this gem on him during my last exam, "You're my dad's doctor, and he's 50. You've definitely put your finger in my dad's butt. I'm pretty sure you're also my minister's doctor, too, and he's like 60".
Because I was one of THOSE people, my doctor said, "Alright, well, let's see the damage". He was completely unfazed. I pulled down my pants, and his composure cracked instantly. He was laughing so hard he had tears in his eyes. He apologized and shook his head, then proceeded to try and give me the exam with barely contained laughter.
34. My Pride Got Clipped
I had to go to the hospital because I accidentally cut the flap of skin that connects my sack to the rest of my privates with hair clippers. Not only was it a day that they were training new doctors, but my mom worked for the hospital and saw my name in the computer system. So, by the end of the visit, I had five extra young doctors staring while I got stitches in my nether regions, and my mom walked in thinking something bad had happened to me.
35. The Doctor Wasn’t Moved By My Story
We had a guava tree in our backyard, and our yard would be littered with ripe fruits. A neighbor on our street had a cow, so I would collect the fruit from the ground in a bucket and would give it to the cow. One day, I was doing just that, but the cow felt something on its neck. She started twisting her head rapidly while I was standing next to it. Her horns got my balls. I thought it would be some kind of scratch, but when I went home to check, I realized I had to go to the emergency room. The doctor gave me a look like, "Is that really what you did?" Thankfully, I had witnesses with me.
36. My Ego Was All Dried Up
When I was 17, I went to the hospital for severe dehydration. I was in high school and had little time for bathroom breaks before I would immediately go to work after school. I was so busy that I could not use the bathroom unless it was during my 15-minute break in the middle of my shift or until I got home. My solution to not having to use the bathroom was to just drink less water and only drink water at night.
So one day, after toughing it out through severe stomach pain, I went to the ER. I got a scan because I complained of severe stomach pain and not only was I severely dehydrated, but I was also very blocked up because I was not consuming enough water. It was extremely embarrassing having the doctor tell my mom that I was blocked up and just needed to poop and drink more water.
37. The Doctor Got Cracked Up
I hated going to the OB/GYN. I was a naturally anxious person and tended to tense up. I had recently had a tubal ligation but hadn't had my IUD removed. A week before my appointment to have it removed, I had broken my ribs. During my IUD appointment, the doctor went to put in the plastic speculum, and I tensed up. I suddenly heard a CRACK. The speculum broke.
He removed it, asked if I was okay, and gave me a minute to relax. I wasn’t in pain, except for my ribs. He got another speculum. CRACK. I broke another one. He said, "That's never happened before!" I was 26 at the time. This doctor was present at my birth, so he had seen a lot in over 26 years. Finally, he got the IUD out.
38. Too Close For Comfort
I had pain in my ball. It got so bad I thought I had testicular cancer or something. I went to urgent care. I got the most attractive, young female doctor I have ever had. She was a few years younger than me and must have been a brand new doctor. She had me pull down my pants and had to kneel down to get a really close look.
She was bright red. I was not aroused or anything, just in pain, but the fact she was young and attractive made it awkward for me. Thankfully she informed me that testicular cancer does not usually present with pain. She said I did not have a torsion and had me go to a urologist. I was exercising a lot and said I should get a jockstrap for more support during exercise.
39. I Couldn’t Brush This One Off
I had split up with my girlfriend and thought the sensible thing to do was get myself tested. I went into what I thought was the reception area at the hospital where the test center was. I explained discretely that I needed a test. The receptionist looked at me blankly. So, I thought I needed to give her more details. She responded with, "Sir, this is the dental hospital!" I still cringe about that moment.
40. My Pride Got Dimmed Some
I thought I had a tapeworm. I brought my "specimen" to the doctor in a plastic bag. All the nurses came in to inspect it, and some were even taking photos. I had the doctor even look at my rear. I wanted to die of embarrassment. You can imagine how I felt when they told me it was vegetable matter from spring rolls I had eaten the night before. The walk of shame was real.
41. There Was No Looking Back
I had a cyst on my right shoulder caused by a blocked sweat gland. It swelled up, so I went to the ER. The doctor came into the room with a medical student who was a young woman. The doctor decided to cut into the cyst to relieve pressure. She made the cut, and I felt her push down. I then heard the student squeal, and there was a disgusting smell. I looked back and saw the poor student covered in puss from my cyst. It was like something out of a TV show. The poor thing stood there, her face and upper chest covered in putrid, smelly liquid dispelled from my back.
42. I Spoke Too Soon
I had post salmonella hemorrhoids. I went to my usual male doctor and told him about my painful situation. Since I was a woman, he politely asked if I would like a female doctor to check them. I cheerfully said, "Nah mate, all good, everyone's got a rear hole!" He did the check, but I was silently asking myself the whole time, "Why did I say that to him? Why?"
43. Out In The Open
I was getting a pap smear when halfway through the procedure, a nurse opened the door to ask the doctor a question. By doing so, she ended up flashing my most intimate parts to a, fortunately mostly empty, waiting room. The nurse, probably out of habit, was completely blind to what she had done and just kept talking to the doctor. I had to actually say, "Uh, little breezy here," before she caught on to the fact that my cervix was pointed at the general public.
44. I Should Have Put A Sock In It
I was an Australian living in Germany. I marched into my doctor’s office to ask why I was constantly receiving bills for medical treatment that my insurance had already paid. The doctor was kind enough to notify me they were not medical bills but, in fact, my electricity bills. I obviously should have learned German.
45. I Was Embarrassed. Period.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I went to my GP to find out if I had some kind of mental illness because I had all these symptoms that would come and go every few weeks. What I was describing was PMS, but thanks to my parents barring me from my school’s health class and never giving me any info of their own, I had no idea that was a thing. So basically, I had to pay a bunch of money for my doctor to treat me like an imbecile for not knowing things I was never told.
46. Eager Beaver
I got really loaded at a friend's party. In my inebriated state, I stood on a rusty nail on a random piece of wood that was in her garden. The next day, I went to the doctor to get a tetanus jab. The nurse stepped out to get the needle and I, being overly helpful, decided to drop my trousers so I would be prepared for the jab in my rear and speed things up for her. She walked in and said, "We actually do them in the arm these days". I slowly pulled up my trousers while dying inside.
47. The Long And Short Of It All
I was about 15 years old and was lying on a short table waiting for the doctor. I couldn’t figure out why the table was so short and tried to figure out a way to make it longer. Well, I realized at the end of the table there were these fancy leg extensions. So I pulled them out and waited. The doctor came in—and started laughing hysterically. With a cheeky grin, he asked me what kind of exam I wanted.
I didn’t realize what I had done until 20 years later when I went to the doctor with my wife. I was so embarrassed.
48. My Self-Esteem Got Shot
I was substitute teaching at a high school, and one day I started to feel awful. At first I thought it was just a little headache. Soon though, I realized something was seriously wrong. My head was throbbing so bad it felt like someone was hitting me right on it with a sledgehammer. Then I started feeling my body aches slowly getting worse as the day progressed, and a slight tickle was emerging in my throat when I talked and drank water.
When I got off work, my boyfriend was waiting for me in the parking lot. I didn’t think I was going to make it to the car. I got in and looked at him and said I didn’t feel good. On our way home, I passed out. He had to carry me into the apartment. I didn’t wake up until later on in the middle of the night, and I couldn’t move or get out of bed.
My whole body felt like I had gotten hit by a train. In the morning, my boyfriend made an appointment for me to go to my doctor. When we got there, I was sure I had strep throat. I had it about a year before, and it felt the same, just worse. They tested me for strep and the flu, and both came back negative. My doctor was stumped and told me she didn’t know what was wrong with me, so she was just going to prescribe antibiotics and give me a steroid jab.
I had never had a steroid jab before, so I started to roll up my sleeve. She said, "Oh no, honey, not there". I looked at her confused, and my boyfriend just started giggling. That's when it dawned on me. Next thing I know, the doctor is telling me to stand up and drop my pants. I was like, "no way". My boyfriend and I had only been dating for three months at that point, so I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable.
I figured it was just a quick little needle, so I pulled my pants down and leaned against the table. She jabbed that little needle into my behind, and when it went in, I fell off the table almost immediately. It was probably a freak experience, but it felt like my bottom was being stabbed with a red hot poker. There I was, face down, butt up on the floor with a knot swelling on my forehead and a needle sticking out of my rear. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life.
49. I Got Jerked Around
My now ex-wife and I were doing fertility treatments, and they wanted a sperm sample to count. They gave me a script and told me to go to the local hospital for their lab. I walked into the hospital and gave the young pretty desk nurse my scrip, and she gave me a cup. She told me to go into the single-person bathroom in the waiting room and fill it.
I asked her again to make sure she meant that one, and she said yes. So, I made my way through the waiting room filled with various aged people into the single person waiting room and into the bathroom to fill the cup with my procreative fluids. I quickly filled it as fast as I could, washed my hands, and brought the cup back to the front nurse.
I sat down and waited about five minutes before she called my name. Walking up, I felt like everyone was staring at me, knowing what I had just done in the bathroom. But it was even worse than I thought. She looked at me and said there was a mix-up, and they don't do that here. She asked me if I wanted my sample back, and I declined and just turned around and left.
50. My Physical Was A Photo Op
I had bilateral hydroceles, which means that my scrotum was filling with fluid and was swollen to the size of a volleyball. The doctor, who was a young guy, sat there staring at it with his jaw hanging open. Eventually, his brain went back to med school when it was taught never to act shocked in front of a patient. He remembered how to talk, and his first words were, "Can I get a picture of that?"