As the old saying goes, "The customer is always right". But are they? Though some clients may brighten our days, it's the rotten ones who stick in our minds and ruin our weeks. The brave clerks and cashiers who deal with these people may have to endure retail nightmares, but at least they make for a good story.
1. Fast Food
I was 16 years old when this happened. I work at Chick-fil-a and I’m taking orders as you do, when a guy walks up and asks, "Aren’t you supposed to be in school?" I look down at the clock and see it’s 6pm. I look at him confused and say, "No, it’s 6pm". He asks again, I say the same thing again. Then he yells, "Alright, SCREW YOU!" and leaves.
2. Maybe Try a Fish First?
I used to work in a pet store. One night, a woman came in and said she had ordered a puppy off the internet and he would be arriving in the next few days. She seemed naive, even though she was nice. She had never owned a pet and asked several dumb questions, but one was so stupid, I'll never forget it. She asked, "Do puppies need water?"
3. The Elusive Dolphin With a Toothbrush
I worked in a mall, and one day some guy walked into my store. He asked if I knew where the dolphin with a toothbrush was. He just kept saying "dolphin with a toothbrush" and we thought he was mad. When I left my shift that day, I noticed the dentist around the corner did in fact have a dolphin with a toothbrush on the sign. I'll never forget that interaction though.
4. The Mystery Light
Not necessarily a dumb question per se, but by far the most memorable dumb customer encounter. Years ago, I worked for an Audi dealership as a greeter/shuttle driver, and one blissfully quiet afternoon, a middle-aged woman in a beige A6 pulled into the driveway. Here's how the ridiculous, absurd exchange went down:
Me: Good afternoon. How can I help you today? Her: This light came on! (She points to the check engine light with concern in her voice) Me: Yes. That's the check engine light... Her (interrupting me): No! It's this one!!! (the CEL was the only light on at this point in time) Me: Yes. That's the check engine light.
Her: Well what does it mean? Me: There are literally thousands of different things that can turn that light on but if you go into the office there, one of our service advisors can plug in a little computer and they'll tell you what's wrong. Her: (scoffs condescendingly) So you don't know what it means... Me: Ma'am I think they can help you better than I.
5. DIY Literacy
A woman came to the checkout and handed me a bag of mozzarella. She asked me what the ingredients were and if there were any chemicals in it. I turned the bag around and started to read the ingredients out to her. She grabbed the bag out of my hand, and angrily said, "I could have done that myself " and stormed off.
6. Do Not Disturb
This reminds me of a guy who reserved a room for 2 weeks. He had the do not disturb sign on the door the whole stay (this is actually pretty common for longer stays). A couple weeks later, I get a call from the guest absolutely furious that we charged him for a 2-week stay when he only stayed at our hotel for two days.
I ask him who he spoke to at check out, thinking maybe one of our employees made a mistake and just didn't properly check him out. The truth was even more hilarious. Long story short, he didn't notify anyone that he was checking out, he just left. I had to explain to him that if you have a room reserved for a length of time and leave earlier than you had registered for, then you actually have to let the staff know.
Even if the do not disturb sign hadn't been on the door the whole time, we are still not just going to guess that a guest checked out and rent their room to another person. He tried filing a chargeback for the remainder of the stay, but did not get his money refunded. As this was midsummer, we were turning people away daily due to being sold out, and that room sat empty because he expected us to psychically know that he left.
7. Shrinking Theory
I worked at a hat store, and a guy asked if he could shrink his hat by microwaving it. I said no. He came back two days later to return his hat...after microwaving it. Problem was, there was a hole in the front of it because Brewers hats are made with metallic threading. Yep, this dude microwaved his Brewers hat and blew a hole in it.
8. Left Speechless
I work in IT. I got a ticket from a lady saying her screen is blank. I call, because I saw her in orientation and to be honest, she seemed to have never used a computer before (despite being 19 years old, and her title as a receptionist). Me: "Ma'am is your computer on?" Her: "I don't know, how would I check?"
Coworker next to her grunts and turns on the computer for her. Her: "Oh! Ok it's on, now do I have to type out my username AND password to log on?" Me: "............................". No words could properly describe how I felt in that moment.
9. Barbeque Cell Phone
I used to work in a phone shop. I had someone come in asking why their phone wasn't working properly. It was visibly scorched and melty. I asked why it looked that way. They said it came up with an error message, saying it had been too cold. This was not an error message I had heard of before, but I know phones can bring up errors for being too hot, so who knows.
But that wasn't the real issue. It's what he did with the phone that shocked me. He had put it under the grill to heat it up. The grill. Their first point of call was to cook it. I told them that's why their phone wasn't working, and no, it was not covered under the guarantee.
10. Colorful Questions
I used to work in IKEA in the section that sold wardrobes. Big behemoths of things. Normally around 6-foot long and 60kg in boxes. Customers would regularly ask me if it would fit in their car. After being polite the first few times, asking them about the size of their car and guessing, I then just started asking them what color their car was. The amount of people who'd answer unphased was amazing.
11. The Healthy Choice
I worked at a convenience store while in college. This married couple comes in and they go get drinks. The lady asks me if the bottled water is fat-free. I smile and just say yes, and that the brand is also calorie-free. She smiled and said thanks. Her husband gets out his wallet, shakes his head, and pays. At least two of us were embarrassed for her.
12. In the Face of Danger
My wife and I live and work for the City of Virginia Beach. We both work in buildings on either side of the one where the recent mass shooting took place. That fateful day, my wife said that when the authorities surrounded her building and wouldn't let anyone in or out, there was a customer who—despite being told that there was an active situation—was upset that no one was helping her, and kept asking everyone why she wasn't allowed to pay her utility bill.
13. Alternative Science
During an internship in a bookstore, I was asked where we kept the "alternative science books". The guy was talking about flat Earth stuff, he was really serious about it, too.
14. Pick Your Vices
I had a customer take up 10 minutes of my time saying that I didn't know how to do my job, because I couldn't find the "nutritional facts" placard on a carton of smokes. Why, you who walk around with your head full of brains, do you ask? She needed, NEEDED, to know if these Timeless Times piece of junk smokes contained corn syrup in them. Because, don’t you know, that corn syrup is bad for her.
15. Stamp Suspicions
I sell stamps from my register at work. This was just a few days ago, actually. I had a lady come up and ask to buy some postal stamps. I asked her, "How many stamps would you like? We sell them in books of 2, 10, and 20". Her: "...What? What does that mean?" Me: "It’s just the number of stamps in the book. Do you want 2, 10, or 20 stamps?"
Her: (suddenly getting angry) "I don’t know what that means. What is a stamp? I don’t know what a stamp is". Me: "...What?" I eventually sold 20 stamps to her while she was vaguely hostile and suspicious about the entire concept of stamps and stamp quantities. I don’t know how to explain this to you, lady, you’re the one who came to me for stamps.
My best guess is that either she wanted to know what the stamps were worth, postage-wise, but couldn’t figure out how to string that sentence together so she got mad instead, or she actually had some kind of medical issue that made her confused. I’ve noticed through many years of customer service that sometimes people just have a brain slip, panic, and then they cover up for it by getting mad at someone else.
16. Deep Breaths
I work in a security monitoring call center. A coworker called a customer to inform them of an air conditioning loss for their security system. We usually just say, "Hey, your power is out" or something to that effect, but more professional-sounding obviously, because most of our customers don't know what AC means and they get very confused.
Well, this coworker said "AC loss" on the customer's voicemail for some ungodly reason despite knowing better. The customer returned the call a few hours later. I picked up. Me: Can I help you? Her, panicking, sounding on the verge of tears: Oh, I hope so! I got a call that there's an AC loss at my house! Me: Ok, I can -
Her: I'm out of town and I was having trouble with my air conditioner before I left... Me, seeing where this is going: Well, "AC loss" just means-- Her: DOES THIS MEAN THERE'S NO AIR IN MY HOUSE?!
17. Shipping Stupidity
I sell precast concrete structures (manholes, septic tanks, etc.) and sometimes we get calls from folks all over the US looking for stuff while we only deliver in New England; anywhere else, and shipping is your problem. Normally when I explain this to those people they accept and look elsewhere. But when they don't accept, it gets hairy...
One time, this person wanted me to quote a single catch basin for a job in California. Telling them we're in New England didn't even phase them, and they were persistent until I fully laid out the scope of shipping 6,000lbs of concrete across the continental US when they could easily find the same product several towns over.
18. Looney Links
I work in IT, and one day I received a ticket from a very angry customer about a link on our website that was broken. When I asked what the link was, or where it was trying to go (because our site has thousands of pages), they were incensed that I dared to ask them questions and wouldn't just fix it immediately.
Sure, dude, I'll get right on checking the hundreds of thousands of links on our site and hope I find the one you clicked on in the next 3 minutes because you refuse to give me more information. They complained to my manager.
19. Island Living
This is the absolute dumbest thing I've ever heard from a customer. Before the age of GPS, I worked at a convenience store that was in the first gas station once you reached an island. This was at the end of I40, so it wasn't too uncommon for people to miss a turn onto the 17, realize they'd just crossed a bridge onto an island, and stop for directions.
The first lady came in and asked directions to Island B. I told her to go back across the bridge. Her: "What bridge?" Me: "The one you came across to get here". Her:"I didn't cross a bridge". Me: "Uh, okay, so you came across by ferry?" Her: "No. I didn't come on a ferry, and I didn't cross a bridge, and I'm NOT on an Island!"
...We sent her 10 miles to the end of the island to make her take the ferry that wouldn't start running for another 2 hours. It was the only answer she'd accept. In another instance, a poor guy came in looking for 95 South. I told him how to get to it. He raised an eyebrow...and I asked him where he'd come from.
He answered with a town an hour on the OTHER side of 95. He'd missed his turn by 2 hours. The he had to go tell his girlfriend in the car. You could hear her screaming through the car and store windows.
20. A Logical Answer
I was working at a convenience store/gas station in high school. A guy walks in on a Sunday morning and asks if we sell newspapers. Me: "We have a box out front. You walked right past it".Customer: "Are there any in it?"Me: "I don't know, you'll have to check".Customer: looks at the box "I can't tell, there's one in the way". Me: "Then there is at least one in there".
21. Hotel Havoc
I work at a hotel. Here’s a couple good ones I've had:
Patron: "Why wasn't my room cleaned today?"
Me: "You had a do not disturb sign on your door. We put a card under the door explaining how to request late service".
Patron: "I meant don't disturb me, not don't clean it!"
I've also had:
Patron: "Thanks for cleaning my room! But you didn't take your tip!"
Me: "My pleasure sir! Thank you for taking care of the room. But I didn't see a tip".
Patron: "I left it on the bathroom counter under the soap dish".
I did see the money while cleaning, but I'm not just going to take $5 off the counter in the bathroom. 99.999% of the time that's not a tip and you've just stolen. I appreciate the tip. Tipping your housekeepers is appreciated but not required. I don't vary my service on the tip. But who leaves it in the bathroom? For me to take it, it has to be on the bed, with a note.
Finally, my favorite:
Patron: "I got locked out of my room, it's [expensive suite]. Can you let me in?
Me: "Sure thing Ma'am. Do you have any ID?"
M: "Okay, we can still make this work. How about anything at all official with your name on it? Airport luggage tag, bank card, some email showing a tour booking, anything?"
M: "I'm trying to work with you here. Can I even just get the guest name, check in date, check out date, and roughly what time of day you checked in?"
P: "It’s in my husband's name, why can't you just let me in, I paid for it!"
M: "Sorry Ma'am, I can't do that without being sure it's yours. Surely you'd understand me not wanting to let people into your stuff freely?"
P: "FINE! I'll just go down to security like a good little girl, because that's what you think I am! The service here is unbelievable! Your manager will hear about this!"
She was pushing 60-years-old. Don't pull that "good little girl" nonsense on me.
22. Red, Red Wine
I thought it was the dumbest thing, but it turned out not to be. I was working at a department store when this guy comes up to me and shows me two of the exact same sweaters. He's like, "Which one is burgundy?" They were both burgundy because they are the exact same sweater. I'm like... what is this dude on? Or I thought I was being pranked or something. But I soon learned the truth.
He sees me hesitating and he's like, "Like...which one is more wine-red?" So finally, I just point at one and he's like, "Oh, thank you so much. I'm colorblind and I can't really distinguish this range of color".
23. Helpless in Home Depot
Many years ago, I worked at Home Depot. One time I had a customer come up and ask me how to access the parking lot that's on the roof. I told him that we didn't have a parking lot on the roof. He didn't believe me, got super ticked off, and stormed out of the store to look for the access to the rooftop parking lot.
Another time, I had a customer looking for a replacement cartridge for a faucet that he didn't have with him. If you don't know, there's literally hundreds of different types of cartridges. Anyway, I asked him what make and model of faucet he had, and he responded with: "You're the one that works in the plumbing department. YOU TELL ME".
I told him that there's absolutely no way I could know what type of faucet he had in his home. The guy labelled me as ignorant and then stormed off. Another time I had a customer come up and ask me where the cat food was.
24. Waiting Woes
"I’d like the sirloin, medium rare with no pink". Literally my first week on the floor waiting tables. Also, "Do you charge for drinks from the bar? Why didn’t you tell us?" My favorite is when a guy asked what we charge per 2 oz shot compared to the cost of the bottle and then said we were ripping him off. I really wanted to condescendingly explain capitalism to him, but I didn’t have time.
25. The Adult Author
I write steamy literature for a living. I have, on a number of occasions, received emails from people telling me how much they enjoyed my stories and asking what happened to me afterwards. I usually assume that they're just looking for a little bit of bespoke pro-bono material, but some of them seem to genuinely not grasp the fact that they're fictional stories.
That I made up. With my brain-meat. For money. I got into a discussion with one guy early on who wouldn't let the idea that I was just writing up my sensual misadventures drop. I even pointed out that the girl in the story had a different name to me, at which point he ridiculously replied: "I just thought you were shy".
He genuinely seemed to believe that I'd written up something like an eight-person true-to-life scene, but I hadn't put my pen name on it because I'd suddenly come over all bashful.
26. The Greasy Dog
Many years ago while I was managing a pet store, a customer came in with an empty bottle of oral skin and coat supplement. He wanted a refund because it made his dog's coat really greasy. So, as I start working on his refund, I ask a few questions, trying to find out why the product failed. I ask the standard questions, did you use too much, how often. Stuff like that.
As we are conversing, I realized what his dumb mistake was. It started to click that he didn't use this on his dog’s food, he used it like a shampoo and rubbed it on his coat. So, I nicely explain that it is oral skin and coat supplement and it's intended to be put on the dog's food. He was embarrassed and apologized and started to leave, refusing the refund.
I gave him a new bottle in exchange for the now empty one and told him to give it another shot. The guy was really nice and understanding about it, but come on. The instructions tell you how much to put ON THE FOOD, and it's called oral skin and coat.
27. Empty Threats
It wasn't a question, but I once had a customer threaten that she'd "never shop here again!"... two weeks before the store closed for good. There were signs all over the store and this was pretty big news in the city, so there was no way she didn't know how empty her threat was.
28. Special Ingredients
One of my very first jobs was a stocking associate for PetSmart. I had a customer one time ask me if we have any Blue Buffalo brand dog food that has no "pro van" in it, as she didn’t want to change up her dog’s diet because it hurts his stomach. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, so I offered to help her find the proper food.
When we get to the aisle, she points out Blue Buffalo and says, "It seems like they changed the recipe because they all have pro van in it!" When I read the bag, my jaw dropped. It actually just said "proven best recipe". This idiot honestly thought the word "proven" was an ingredient. I explain that the recipe is the same and they just used new packaging, and it seemed to go in one ear and out the other, as she said she would go to another store to see if they carry the proper brand.
29. Unofficial Employee
This is the story of my life. I work in the tool industry, so I guess I give off a smell, and plus I'm Korean. Whenever I go to Home Depot (quite often) I'm bombarded by a bunch of non-English speaking Koreans who need me to translate for them or give them advice on their product. I normally love the attention and sometimes while I'm helping one person another old lady will see and beam in towards me. They usually offer me money or lunch.
30. Staff Amenities
I used to work the front desk of a 24-hour fitness making minimum wage, and a young woman was upset because I wouldn't let her heat up some food after her workout and then eat it in the staff break room. I was nice enough to store her food in the refrigerator for her when she brought it in before her workout, but she took it too far.
She actually walked into the break room and was like, "I'm going to use your microwave and eat this". I told her no, so she was like, "Well can you heat this up for me?" I told her no again, and she just genuinely didn't understand why.
31. I Drink Your Milkshake
I’d actually been working my first summer job at 14 years old. It was in a cafe that was busy and hectic at the time. Anyway, a middle-aged woman walks in and asks for a milkshake. Easy. Her: "Could I please have a milkshake?" Me: "Of course, would you like chocolate or—" Her: "But I’m vegan, so could you please make it with soy milk? Do you have soy milk?"
Me: "Umm, I’m afraid we have run out, but we have almond milk". Her: I don’t like almond milk—I just told you, I’m vegan" (visibly frustrated at this point) Me: "I’m sorry, but we don’t have anything else" Her: "Okay, then just do it without the milk—that should cost less too, right?" Sure lady...but it won't be a milkshake.
32. Wrong Store
Customer: "Why can't you honor CVS's sales???" Me: "Because this a Walgreen's, ma'am".Customer: " SO?" What I was meaning to get across was the sense of entitlement that some customers could show. Sometimes a customer got confused, thinking that they were in a CVS and when something wouldn't ring up "right" they got very irate, very quick.
They would ask, "Isn't it supposed to be on sale?" while rolling their eyes and handing me a CVS sale booklet. Kind of like that thing where you wear your work shirt to another business and people start asking you questions, only to get mad at you when you say you don’t work there.
33. Pizza Problems
Ugh, I used to work at a pizza place and we got this question a lot: "How big is your 14-inch pizza?" Um, 14 inches. "Okay and your 16-inch pizza?" 16 inches, my guy. People would constantly ask me how many people a certain size pizza would feed. Honestly, that is so subjective. I know college boys who can eat an entire large pizza in one sitting.
I also know people who typically only eat 1-2 slices. Are you feeding children? Are you feeding adults? Be real with me: How fat are you? Like, I would guess and say something like "3-4 people depending on how many slices each person eats" and then I would get an angry call from some idiot who is angry that their friend ate 5 slices and it wasn’t enough.
I would also get people calling for delivery, and when I asked for their address they would say "um I don’t know" and then act as if it’s my problem to figure out. I had people ask if I could "trace their call like the police" and find out for them. My favorite ever was a guy who screamed and cussed at me because we didn’t deliver to a city that was 2 hours away.
34. A Big Phony
While working at Chase bank, a guy called and told me a story about selling a sink part for like $100, but the guy he sold it to gave him a cashier’s check for $1,600 and told him to give him back $1,400, saying he could keep $100 as a tip for doing him the "favor". Obvious scam that happens a lot. He did it, and of course 3 days later, the check bounced and the money was taken out of his account.
He called us mad as heck, demanding we refund him for the money. I told him it was a scam and that he would have to speak with the man who gave it to him. He even kept me on the phone while he texted the guy. The text that he got back stunned me. All the message said was, "This is his wife. He died, and I don’t know what you’re talking about". Ouch.
35. Ridiculous Renter
I used to work at Enterprise Rent-A-Car (We'll pick you up!). I went to pick up a customer. It's worth noting that she was renting a car for a weekend getaway. I called her when I got to her apartment, then she came downstairs and we had this conversation:
Lady: Ok, I'll follow you back to the office.
Me (confused): I'm here to pick you up and drive you back to the office.
Lady: What am I supposed to do with my car?
Me: Were you planning on leaving your car at our lot over the weekend?
Me (more confused): Why are you going to follow me in your car? I can drive you back to the office, finish the paperwork, and you can take the rental car from there.
Lady (not grasping the concept): Well how are you going to get back?
Me: I'll drive us both, in this rental car, back to the office, where we can do the paperwork and you can take the rental car from there. That way, your personal car is still at your apartment. And when you return the car on Monday, you can drive the rental car back to us, we'll close out the paperwork, and we'll give you a ride home. Sound like a plan?
Lady: That doesn't make sense. You're making this way too difficult. I'll just follow you in my car.
Me (thinking the customer is always right!): Ok!
We get back to the office, I finish the paperwork (still astonished she qualified to rent a car), and hand her the keys to the car.
Lady: Ok, how do I get my car back to my apartment?
Lady: Can you drive my car back to my apt?
Me: I'm not authorized to drive your car. You're welcome to leave it here on the lot over the weekend if you want.
Lady: Ok, can you drive the rental car and follow me back to my house so I can drop off my car?
Me: This is what I was trying to do when I picked you up! There was no need to take two cars.
Lady: I'd like to speak to your manager.
I was sent off on another task while he spoke with her. Being that Enterprise is all about customer service, he gave in and had another driver follow her back to her home so she could drop off her personal car, then he drove the two of them back to the office to drop himself off. Now that I'm reminiscing, I also remember she demanded we follow her in a different rental than the one she was using so we wouldn't burn her gas in her rental car.
36. Michael’s Secret Stuff
"What brand do you fill your water fountain with?" When I was working for a big box store, a lady came up to my station at the service desk with her kid and asked the above. I was a little confused, but I told her I wasn't certain what kind of filter the fountains had, however if there's an issue I would try to help and could get a manager over or call the service information line on the sticker on the fountain.
Her only issue—which she was eager to loudly and aggressively share—was with my incompetence at not knowing what brand of water we stocked our water fountain with. Surprised Pikachu face wasn't a thing then, yet still I'm sure that was the expression on my face. Her kid apparently liked the taste of the water.
Admittedly, that particular fountain was great. The water came out close to freezing cold and it was a newer fountain, so very clean without the build-up of probably 40-years-worth of diseases, minerals and the souls, tears, and will to live of other coworkers flowing down the drain. The lady was convinced it was stocked with Aquafina or some junk and wanted to buy that brand of water to have to drink at home.
It was too late in my shift. I just wanted to finish up my day, break down my till, clock out, and go the heck home. So, I told her it was just the store's own brand available by the gallon or 24 pks of small bottles in Aisle X, and it tastes great because it was kept refrigerated. I know it was just as equally dumb an answer but sometimes there's just no point in trying to honestly answer dumb questions.
37. Good Natured Fun
Not a question, but this was always fun...While working as a Mule Wrangler at the Grand Canyon, there was a spot on the trail that had some lime deposits on the cliff wall that looked just like a very light sprinkling of fresh snow. We would stop and point it out to our clients and tell a huge lie: "This phenomenon only happens in the southwest because of our dry air, but sometimes the snow will actually dry out before it melts, and we have petrified snow".
It was surprising the amount of people that believed us. It was good fun and they were good natured when we told them the truth on the way up the trail.
38. Churro Man
I used to work at a movie store in the early 2000s, and this dude with a thick accent kept calling in every other few weeks or so asking if we had this movie on DVD called Churro Man. I mean this guy called a lot, and I told him that no such movie existed in our system, but he was adamant he'd seen it on a release schedule.
Finally, a couple of months later, some guy walked up to me and asks me for the movie. I immediately recognize the voice and know who it is. After a few questions in person, I realized what he really meant. The whole time he'd been looking for True Romance and it had indeed just come out on DVD; the accent threw me off. Turns out it wasn't a dumb question, and that I in fact was the dumb one.
39. Financial Advice
In my first job at a little local roast beef shack, we had a few combo deals that were, obviously, cheaper than the total of each individual item. I had a guy come up and ask for a roast beef sandwich and fries.I explained that I could ring him up for X combo meal, which would be cheaper and he could get a drink".
I don't want a drink. Just charge me for the sandwich and fries". So, I told him even if he didn't want the drink, I could still ring it up, as the total was still cheaper than individually ordering a sandwich and fries. Dude flipped out and asked if I was deaf. So, I charged him for fries and a sandwich individually.
40. The Donut Mirror
Technically breaking the rules here, as the customer asked himself the dumbest question, but: Our bakery's donut self-serve case had mirrors in the back of the case to make the shelves look fuller than what they were. A dude came in one night, opened the case door, and bent over to peer into the case. He then proceeded to ask himself to pass himself that chocolate bar in the back. You have to be a special level of stupid to not recognize yourself in a donut mirror.
41. The Shipping Banshee
I used to work at the UPS store in high school. Our last pickup was at 7:00 pm and we closed at 8:00 pm. Since we had private information and people’s personal mailboxes in the store, security was a big deal. It was 8:30. Our tills were counted down, the alarm was set, our copiers, fax machine, and computers were shut down, our lights were off.
We had also closed and locked a ginormous red gate that separated the entrance from the rest of the store. Some woman ran up to the door, and like some demon in a horror movie, she hurled herself against the glass and screeched like a banshee. Keep in mind, we are very obviously closed with a sign saying we are closed, no lights on, and a giant red gate drawn down over the store.
She began pounding on the glass and frantically yelling at us. My coworker was worried that something was wrong, like maybe she was being chased and needed help. He carefully opened the door just a crack to ask what was wrong. She immediately tried to wedge her hands and head in the crack and asked, "Are you open?" We informed her that we obviously weren’t.
Her logic was, "Well, you opened the door so now you have to help me". She began wailing and crying that she had to mail a package. We explained that even if we were open, our last pick up was an hour and a half ago and we couldn’t even mail it until tomorrow. She protested and protested and we eventually got the door shut and locked. But that was just the beginning of the nightmare.
She kept pounding on the glass saying, "I know you’re open!" As we debated what to do and if we should call the authorities, this lady pulled out her cell phone and called them herself! The officers arrived, we explained the situation, and the woman accused us of lying, despite the sign on the door saying we closed an hour ago at this point.
Then, in front of the officer and on security camera, the woman launched herself at my coworker and hit him in the face. She immediately jumped back and began fake crying that he had hurt her. We were dumbfounded. She ended up getting detained and my co-worker pressed charges. So, the stupidest question I got was, "Are you open?"
42. A Question of Distance
Years ago, before the Internet was a thing, I worked in a small electronics shop. One day, I got a phone call and it went like this: Him: Yeah, hi. I was just wondering...how far is it to your shop? Me: (Long pause, calculating how galactically stupid this question was, whether I was being pranked, and how a professional business person would handle this).
Me: Oh, it's just a few miles away. Come on down. Him: OK. See you soon. No idea if he ever actually arrived. I got busy and people came and went all day. But it was still the dumbest question I've ever received.