Bad days happen to everyone, but when a person keeps burning through another person’s patience, something’s gotta give. These Redditors were at the end of their ropes when they came up with the perfect payback plans. Buckle up, because these revenge stories have a chilling dark side. There's no shortage of chaos, karma—and most of all—pure genius.
1. Keep Your Friends Close…
I suspected that my wife was cheating on me with a co-worker. I confronted both who responded by calling me a jealous husband. They were just best friends and I needed to understand that. So, I befriended him, became his workout partner, and learned everything I could about him. I’d even invited him to my dinner table.
Physical revenge was often considered, but neither he nor she was worth me spending a life sentence in prison for. I played dumb. He was a bodybuilder and taking steroids. He wasn't incredibly smart and had just barely gotten through college. And he was working minimum pay jobs while he worked towards his true desire.
He was applying for the firefighter school in our major metro city. If accepted, it would be a lifetime job for him and a career he’d wanted since he was young. He talked often during our workout sessions about how much it meant to him. I have had countless EMS and fire department contacts through my healthcare career.
He also knew I was knowledgeable about medicine. After he started to ask questions about steroids, I made sure to give him just enough info to have him want to ask me more. I then made sure he started emailing me his steroid questions. Ironically, he used an account that even had his full name in the address.
After a private investigator confirmed the affair, I moved my plan into action. So, when I was ready to leave my wife, I contacted several of the FD officers who sat on the review board. I gave them the emails from one of their candidates admitting he was using substances and lied about it during the interview process. He was slated to be a part of the incoming class as he’d done quite well. But he was rejected.
I used my contacts in the EMS community to make sure that he’d never be accepted to a major fire department within a 200-mile radius. He and my wife took my dream marriage, so I took something that had just a profound effect.
2. Sense My Wrath
In high school, a guy in my grade always went out of his way to annoy me, even hooking up with my girlfriend. Wanting revenge, I decided to poop in a bottle and then let it fester for a month. It got so bad that when I unscrewed the cap, it fizzed. I poured that into his car’s air conditioner filter on a hot summer day. I watched him get into his car and turn it on.
As soon as he did, he turned up his AC and threw up all over himself and the car.
3. Fine And Sandy
In 1992, I was in second grade. Every day at recess, my friends and I built these intricate sandcastles. When recess ended, the fourth graders came running outside after finishing their lunch. And every single day, one of them came flying into the sandbox with the only goal of kicking down our feat of sand engineering. This happened for weeks.
So, my group of second graders and I found cinder blocks near the woods close to the playground. We stacked two and covered them with sand. After, we took the time to make the structure look like any one of our usual sandcastles. It was pretty demented—and so were the consequences. The fourth graders came out, and one ended up with a broken foot.
4. Outing Performance
In college, I lived in “The Gay House” with five other guys in a six-bedroom house. One fall afternoon, I came home from class to find my favorite roommate Josh crying in the kitchen. He had just found out something earth-shattering: His boyfriend Kevin was living a double life. They’d been dating for three months. Kevin was a nice, cute guy.
He came to our house parties and movie nights, and we all liked him enough. He told us he was closeted because his filthy rich parents would cut him off if he came out like his older brother. Even though most of the house was fully out, we respected him and were sympathetic to his situation. We lived in the Bible Belt.
“Kevin” wasn’t even his real name. It was Brad. He was engaged to a cheerleader, and his best friends were a group of jerks who had no idea he was queer. Usually, I could have forgiven him as I’d forgiven worse, but he was needlessly cruel to Josh when he decided to break up with him. He laughed at Josh the whole time.
He said he was only using him for his body and he couldn’t stand being with his gay friends and to never call him again. That lying jerk preyed on my friend and actually enjoyed using and hurting him. I decided then that he needed to be confronted. As a tall guy at 6’6 and 220 pounds, I always took my size for granted.
People never tried me when I was in drag despite living in the Bible belt. I went with Josh to confront “Kevin,” but as we walked up to his apartment, it was clear that he was hosting a party, which wouldn’t have been the best time for us to confront him. But that was the moment when my stroke of evil genius kicked in.
We went back home and came up with a plan. Josh had several of “Kevin’s” naughty pictures as well as his clothes. While one roommate was photocopying the pictures, another was creating a website with a giant humiliating picture of him and was printing out “invitations” to the site. I was dressing in drag and got ready.
I wore an old prom dress with blue sequins that were falling off. It cut off right below my underwear, making the whole outfit especially naughty. The ratty blonde wig was from an old costume, and I had six-inch heels size 16 that I found at a sketchy-looking store a few weeks before. I painted myself with way too much makeup but kept my stubble and my leg hair.
We stuffed his clothes, the invitations, and the printed pictures into a large purse, and I went off for the party. But I made one stop at the store to buy a $20 fake engagement ring. I think I deserve an Oscar for my performance that night. His face looked priceless as a seven-foot drag queen barged into his apartment screaming and crying.
The whole place froze as I stormed past everyone into the kitchen to find him and his fiancé. They were by the back door staring in utter shock. I was sure he didn’t recognize me. I sobbed and begged him to come back to me. I described everything I loved about him including all his marks near his junk. My make-up smeared tears turned angry as I started detailing all his secret kinks.
Then finally, his fiancé started questioning me. At that point, I pulled his clothes out of the purse and threw them at him. She immediately recognized them. Then I pulled out the pictures and handed them to her before I burst into uncontrollable sobbing and stormed out of the kitchen and through the living room partiers and toward the front door.
At the door, I stopped, took a long swig from the bottle I brought, and threw a giant stack of "party" invitations all over the place. They had the worst picture of all—him making the "sexy face," wearing the most scandalous undergarments. The invitation was to some weird website my roommate created to out "Kevin". The site included a forum for other people to share ways he lied to them and discuss how much they hated him. Before I left, I did a dramatic final spin.
I then removed and held up the fake ring for everyone to see. I pointed to the other side of the apartment at his fiancé and said, “I see he gave you one of these too!” I threw it on the yard, stormed out, and went home. Later, the roommates made sure to put a website invitation on every car in his apartment complex. Nobody in the gay community saw or heard from that guy again.
Though there were several rumors including one that said he transferred to a worse school far away.
5. Touchy Subject
I grew up in a suburb where I was the only minority at school. One girl in my class always made rude comments about me like how I wasn’t as pretty because I was brown. But it really hurt me when we were playing tag and she insisted that I had to be “it” because I looked “dirty” with my skin color. She’d crossed a line. I overheard her bragging about getting straight A’s and instantly had a stroke of genius.
For the rest of the year, I would hand in my homework right after her to take hers and throw it away in the washroom. I never got caught, and she ended up getting a D. I smirked when she didn’t get a ribbon at the end of the year.
6. Eyeing The Prize
On April fool's day when I was seven and my sister was five, I had a master plan that involved Legos. We played with those tiny bricks for hours. Sometimes we built things. Sometimes we destroyed things. Sometimes our arguments dissolved into us throwing Legos at each other. We’d already been in trouble the day before for it.
My mom told us that we could take an eye out. So, since my little sister could scream or cry in an instant, I took a long brick, slid it between my fingers, then covered my eye with my hand. My sister said it looked like it was really in my eye, so she screamed for our mom. Then I started screaming. My mom rushed over. She tried pulling my hand away to check on it, but I kept my hand on my eye a few seconds longer.
I caught my sister’s eye, and after she nodded, I whipped my hand away, and we both yelled, “April Fool’s Day!” Before we could finish saying “day,” my mom smacked us both with one hand across the cheek with just one move.
7. Chilly Comeback
I was sharing a dorm in college with two of my best friends from high school. I love them like brothers, but we could be jerks to one another. Unfortunately, Chris crossed a line and unleashed the fury within me when he popped the washroom lock then snapped a polaroid picture of me while I was using the john one night. He then tossed the picture out the window of our 13th-floor form for anybody to find.
In the days that followed, I’d learned to pop the lock on our shower door and also set about getting several pitchers of water to nearly freezing temperatures, just cold enough that ice started to form on the surface. I bided my time. I was gonna get him back, and it was gonna be glorious. Eventually, Chris went to take one of his weekly "spa showers" where he would crank the hot water on full and just sit under it for an hour.
I waited for him to hit the hottest temperature then rallied the rest of my dormmates, handed out pitchers of ice water, quietly popped the lock, and opened the door to the shower. In hindsight, we probably could have caused serious harm by dumping ice water on him when he was as hot as he was, but at the time, hearing him scream like a little girl and fall in the shower was well worth it.
8. Lap It Up
When I was in high school, I always had a soda with me in my physics class. And every day, the kid behind me waited for me to stand so he could grab and chug half of it as fast as possible. I came up with perfect revenge. One day, I filled my empty bottle with white vinegar. Then, I put it in my backpack so I could bring it to class the next day.
As usual, I wandered off when I knew he was watching. And he grabbed it and started to chug it. As soon as he did, he ran to the sink and threw up. I laughed so hard, especially when he had to explain why he threw up to the teacher. And my soda stayed untouched for the rest of the semester.
9. The Smell Of The Ball
In high school, my friend David’s girlfriend cheated on him. But she scratched the car he worked hard for and broke his laptop after he found out. A week later, she threw a big raging party that got a bit out of control. Earlier that day, David and I were with four of our friends eating at Taco Bell and began scheming. We discussed holding in our bowels until the party and releasing them all over her house.
At first, it was all a joke, but the more we talked, the more serious we were about going through with it. David didn't join us as that would've risked us from getting into the party. He did contribute his bowels in a plastic bag. I hid the bag under my shirt and put it behind the fridge. Brett and I upper decked, went in the tank, the two toilets on the main floor. It was nasty.
Matt brought pliers to pull up a corner of the carpet in a bedroom and went there. We're not sure whose bedroom it was. Justin was more adventurous than the rest of us. He hopped into the small utility closet with the central air conditioner and went in there. He told us that he was able to squirt his fudge onto the air filter. The effect of wafting poop was instant and moved the party to the backyard.
I'm not sure our plan was genius, but it was evil and for our friend. It felt good.
10. Sweet Release
I lived in a former frat house mansion turned boarding house. So, the kitchen, bathrooms, and entertainment rooms are shared between 20 people. Everyone in the house knew who was eating everyone else's food, but we couldn't prove it. So, we baked brownies with a chocolate laxative after work one Friday and left a note. After putting it in the fridge, we left for the weekend.
On Sunday night, we found a third of our brownies eaten and no toilet paper in sight. Everyone thought it was hilarious. Everyone but the person eating all our food. He left a passive-aggressive note that said he was sick of people taking other people’s food too.
11. Ordered Up
I was working at a pizza place with a worthless, useless, good-for-nothing manager. We did not get along with each other well. He was a jerk and probably didn't like me because everyone else loved me. Well, his biggest peeve was when we left pizza boxes opened on the cutting table before the pizza came out of the oven.
Instead, he wanted us to wait until the pizza was finished, taken out, cut, and then put into the box, which took much longer. One busy night, it was me, another co-worker, and the delivery driver. We were going crazy keeping up with all of the orders happening at once. We had to answer phones while we made the pizzas. The jerk manager sat in the office for the whole rush.
There was a one-way mirror with a full view of the pizza-cutting area. So, to get his attention, I started pulling down and opening boxes on the cutting table. I wanted him to come out running and yelling so the owner would hopefully notice. It worked like a charm. He came out shouting about how I wasn’t doing my job right and whatever else made him mad.
Already frustrated and busy, I started yelling back at him. The owner came out from the back and brought us to his office. I explained how the manager hadn’t been helping and I’d worked there long enough to know what I was doing. The owner looked at the manager and told him that if I quit, he was fired. But that wasn't the best part.
Then he asked me when I was turning 18. I asked him why, and he told me that was when he wanted to promote me to assistant manager. The jerk manager switched stores shortly after.
12. Clean Game
We had a teacher in grade school that was germophobic. We didn't really like her, so I came up with a plan. She was always taking things away from us if we played with them in class. I found a bouncy ball and rubbed it in the bottom of the urinal. I brought it to class, wrapped in a piece of paper, and played with it on my desk. Just as I’d thought, she came over and took the ball.
I almost broke into laughter but held it in. Knowing that she also read all the notes people passed in class, I wrote a note and blatantly passed it to someone in front of her. She picked it up and read, “the ball you just took was in the urinal". She left the room.
13. Look At This Photograph
My co-worker and I took on a new guy in our office and trained him. He’d only been with us for two months and got approved for vacation while my co-worker and I hadn’t had one in over a year. We’d been there for several years and felt a bit bitter. He already knew about it when he booked his vacation and did it anyway. He couldn't be alone to do the job and needed us there.
Our vacation now has been pushed back even further due to him taking time off rather than continuing his training. We then sought vengeance and told the office that he’d rented an RV to follow Nickelback on tour. We even posted pictures of the band in his cubicle. We photoshopped him into a picture with the band as if he met them at a fan event.
When he came back, he’d taken the pictures and everything well. But when he received customer solutions call with the client asking when what tour he followed, he started getting irritated. But it wasn't over yet. He forwarded a file that he thought was a file. In reality, we’d changed the label and printed the lyrics to one of Nickelback’s songs. He’d forwarded it to the boss…
I can’t wait until he finds all the other pictures we hid throughout his cubicle.
14. Bonus Level Achieved
In high school, this kid was always mean to one of my good friends. He’d go out of his way to bother her. So, I made a fake social account and added him. He took the bait, and I acted interested in him and down to sleep with him when we chatted. I even bought a disposable cell phone to have long conversations with him. While we flirted, he got a girlfriend.
She was in the group that had been mean to my friend. We continued flirting because this kid was a jerk. I had just been planning on wrecking his emotions and making him feel bad, but something much better happened. He was with his girlfriend one day and called me in the bathroom. She overheard him talking to me and calling me "boo" and "baby girl".
She got very upset but immediately left to go home. She had his password for his socials and signed into his account. She read through all of his messages and saw what he had been saying to this fake girl. There was quite the spectacle the next day. They had a massive screaming match, and no girls would date him for the rest of the school year. Nobody knew I did it, but my friend was so very happy about it.
15. Small Fury
I was in first grade, and we were in an assembly. I had to pee so I asked the teacher nearest us if I could go. She promptly told me to sit down and wait. Ten minutes later, I asked to go again, and she told me to be quiet. So, I sat back down. I still had to go and was just about to flood the room. I needed relief soon. I went to the teacher and told her that I was going to the washroom right then.
She said, “Fine, if your little baby bladder can't hold it, go". It was a low blow because I’ve been short all my life, and my classmates called me a “baby” or “shrimp” often. Upset and about to burst, I went straight to her classroom door. And I unleashed myself all over her carpet. It was summer, so the heat made the smell even worse.
My mom also taught at my school, so I found out years later that all the teachers knew that it was me who’d done it. Mom was so angry at the teacher for making me wait after I asked three times that I never got in trouble.
16. Getting Handsy
I worked in a factory where my boss was a jerk. And he was untouchable since his uncle owned the company. He always came down to the floor while we were on break to check our work and used my gloves to do it. This was particularly irritating because the company made us buy our own gloves, and I bought really nice ones.
As it was the middle of summer, I thought it was gross having his sweaty hands in my gloves and asked him to stop. He just shrugged me off. By the third time, I got a completely twisted idea. I put a poison ivy leaf in an old pair of gloves and pounded away with a hammer. I put it in a plastic bag hidden in my lunchbox for the next day.
Sure enough, I came back from lunch, and he had used them. A couple of hours later, he walked over to my machine and had red bumps all over his hands that he was itching like crazy. He told me to show him my hands. So, I did and compared mine to his. Playing dumb, I asked if he used my gloves because I’d gotten a rash. The rash was from my “trip to the club” after tipping a girl.
Without another word, he left and went to the doctor. I hope he told him that exact story.
17. Take A Note
I lost my full-time schedule to another part-timer after she told my superiors that I wasn’t good at my job. So, I went from over 35 hours to 15 a week. She took my responsibilities and got a pay raise with her promotion. But after I asked for a raise for the same job, they told me they couldn’t because of the economy. I saw red.
One of the job’s responsibilities was to update both training notebooks, put them back together, and then mass-print them twice a year. On training days, the new hires kept them. This task had proven difficult as it took some people two weeks to make them and there would still be mistakes. But I did them in three days. When I handed in my notice, I had mixed up and removed some pages from the original notebooks.
My boss had told me to remove the headers and pages numbers that I added, but I didn’t. This helped my evil scheme become even more diabolical. My original hope was just to make the new person’s life a little more difficult. But I heard that training was chaotic because no one had noticed. This meant that she didn’t check and update the notebooks.
So, she mass-printed a useless 300+ notebook and was fired immediately.
18. Methods Of A Monster
In sixth grade, I was shy. This loud semi-popular kid always, for whatever reason, took my mechanical pencils, removed the erasers, and then ate them all the while laughing like a crazy person. I never understood it. I think she thought it was cute. My meek protestations made no difference—she just laughed even more. I was running out of pencils with erasers. It enraged me.
Without fail, if I had a new pencil, the eraser was gone right after I entered that class. So, I asked my mom for an eraser pen over Christmas break. After I got it, I dropped it in the toilet, peed on it, used tongs to take it out, then put it in a plastic bag. When I saw her after the break, I greeted her and handed her the bag as a “Christmas” present.
Exactly as I’d expected, she took it out and started chewing on it laughing. I just smiled quietly and got back to my work.
19. No Take Backs
My parents are friends with this couple whose son is mean, but when they’d come over, we were expected to play nicely together. Luckily for me, this wasn't that often because he was horrible, but being three years younger and a girl made it worse. I remember once when I was six years old, we were playing in the garden. He grabbed me by my ankles and held me upside down over the garden waste pile behind our fence telling me there were spiders in my hair.
I’ve never been one for screaming and crying but that was terrible. He was always a jerk, but I never told on him. It’s partly because I was scared and I didn't want to be the victim. One evening, he and his parents were over, and we were getting on well enough for once, playing Pokemon Red upstairs in my room on our respective GameBoys.
Not content with being equals, he started boasting about how good his team was compared to mine, had better Pokemon than me, and beat the Elite 4 hundreds of times. But that wasn’t all. He had a Mew. He spun a tale about how he got it from his friend who went to Japan to visit an old man who was the only person in the world who could get you a Mew officially.
Truth or not, he did indeed have a Mew. He told me he got it when his friend did a difficult trading cheat to duplicate it. Eventually, I managed to convince him to do the cheat with me. We went over and over the rules. The trade began, and when it’s nearly complete, he switched his off, and I awaited the trade to finish. Then it happened—a stroke of genius.
I switched mine off, and when we restarted, I had his Mew, and he had a Caterpie. He looked at the GameBoy and then looked at me. I thought he might hit me. Suddenly, the gravity of the situation hit him, and then he launched himself out of my room, screaming, crying, and rolling around in the hall. Our parents rushed upstairs to see what was going on".
She did it wrong," he cried. "She took my Mew!" Naturally, none of them understood Pokemon, so when they looked at me with my lip quivering and tears in my eyes, the conclusion was obvious. “Oh, stop crying,” they said, “she's just a wee girl. I'm sure she didn't mean it!” Still crying, the brat screamed at them to make me do the trade again but got in more trouble.
Everyone comforted me, especially my new Mew and that sweet taste of victory.
20. Do You One Better
I was in high school in the 90s. My computer science teacher assigned a project to my brother and me to make a program for teaching and measuring typing speed. The teacher used the program we were made to teach typing in all of his classes as if it was his. So, my brother and I hatched a brilliant plan. We'd make a new one.
The new software was better with improvements based on the original program’s use as well as additional features that the teacher couldn’t be able to pass up. We gave it to him with no incentive other than mere extra credit. But our program had a “bonus” feature. The teacher took care of all of the computers at school. What he didn’t know about our hidden feature was that it took over the machine’s operating system randomly.
It made the machine load a shell operating system and a prompt that read the machine’s contents had been wiped. We made it so that the feature intercepted all commands and only output what we’d wanted him to see. He had to reformat and reinstall the OS on all of the machines at least once a week for the rest of the year. And the best part of all?
Because it happened at random, there was never any pattern that suggested my brother and I had anything to do with it. And the first thing he would re-install when he was done was always the typing program.
21. Take That Spritz
In grade seven, we had a class right after football practice. We were always in a hurry to get there and didn't have time to put our things in our lockers. So, we left our bags at the side of our big classroom. Well, Sonny always used my cologne while I was somewhere else in the classroom. It doesn’t sound like a big deal. But I had told him to stop before, so now he was doing it just to bother me.
Well, I had the great idea to put my cologne in a new container and pee in the old bottle. I will never forget watching this jerk spray my pee all over himself or the look on his face when he realized that he had doused himself in human urine.
22. Total Lock Out
There was a kid in middle school who made my life miserable. Once, I stayed after school to do a test I’d missed, and I saw that the kid’s locker was wide open with his phone for anyone to take. I thought about destroying it but decided instead, I’d set a passcode. In the morning, I watched him try to unlock his phone. His phone stayed locked every time he tried. Then, the most amazing thing happened.
He became so frustrated that he threw his phone at the wall breaking it. He deserved it.
23. Heavy On The Sauce
In middle school, there were these two kids who always got into trouble and messed with me a lot. At lunch, one of them started throwing ketchup packets at me. First, I ignored it because they did this to people all the time and the teachers never did anything about it if they stopped in time. Well, he wasn’t stopping. He probably grabbed a whole handful of packets just to toss them at me.
After the fifth one, I took one, opened it, and sprayed ketchup all over his face and shirt. He stood as if to hit me, so I backed away slowly. We both looked for the lunch attendant. We both spotted her, and she was trying not to laugh. So, I won.
24. Fool’s Goal
When I was growing up, I had a best friend, Chris, who would come stay over for a week or so at a time. I rarely saw him, and we lived very far apart, so the extended visits were the only time I spent with him. I lived in a very rural area so reaching my house was difficult. During one of these visits, we were both 11.
I learned that two other boys, our "closest" neighbors, from twenty minutes up the road and sons of a good friend of my mother would be joining us for lunch. With a few days to plan, hundreds of acres of forest, a treehouse, and 11-year-old imagination at our disposal, we hatched our evil plot. These boys were trouble. They were spoiled brats and were the most entitled individuals I had ever met.
The older one, 13, considered himself a "rapper," and went so far as to have his daddy keep his precious "lyrics" in a safe because he was convinced that he would be famous one day. This was the kind of kid who’d take things from other kids. He’d taken my favorite world industries tech deck just because he thought he was a little “thug,” and I’ll never forget that.
The younger one was not nearly as bad but tried to emulate his brother and thus could also be a nuisance of incredible magnitude. Chris and I decided to send them on a "scavenger hunt" of sorts. Their goal was to find us. We hid clues to our location all over the property. We lured them to my treehouse right by the driveway where we’d put a walkie-talkie.
So, as they got out of their car, they heard our voices coming from the treehouse. We weren’t there but watching from a vantage point high in a redwood tree. From there, we explained to them that if they wanted us to come down, they’d have to play our game. They bought it, then went on to fight their way through thick brush to the remote locations where we had hidden clues.
They were covered in pointy thorns and sticks obediently looking for dozens of clues we left for them. Over the next couple of hours, we fought back laughter from our vantage point as we watched them become increasingly frustrated with our antics. They regularly went to the treehouse to plead for us to come down but always begrudgingly went back to the hunt.
By the time they found all of the clues, it was time to leave. We never actually had to interact with them. We watched them climb back into their pristine BMW 5 series covered in thorns, red in the face with frustration, and utterly exhausted.
25. Connecting The Box
I was sick of my roommate using my Xbox 360. He would play it for hours on end and leave it on overnight. Then he got mad at me for shutting it off when I got up in the morning because he hadn't "saved his game". I tried reasoning with him and said to take it easy on such a delicate console as a first edition Xbox 360. He wasn’t as tech-savvy as I, so I tricked him in the best way possible.
I went into the settings and blocked all the ports that the Xbox needed to access the internet. So, when he tried using it, he became frustrated and couldn't figure out why the Xbox wasn't working. He couldn't get it to work, and none of his friends could either. I told him he broke it.
26. Streak Of Genius
When I was a freshman in high school, my friends and I found a big unopened bottle that people had left behind the bleachers after drinking. This was around the time when the grades pulled pranks on the others for homecoming week. On Friday, we had an assembly in the gym to conclude spirit week. The seniors always won. On the day of the assembly, we found some guy off the street who was eager to do whatever for the bottle we’d found.
So, our principal stood at the center of the gym discussing the senior class’s high spirits and participation when a hairy dude wearing only a cape reading ’09 ran past him. The principal wasn’t pleased.
27. Eat You To It
My cousin’s friend was always really mean to me and picking on me. My mom told me how she’d gotten back at the girl who had been mean to her when she was younger. So, one day when she was being her usual mean self, my mother’s story inspired me. I picked up a leaf on the ground and walked over to the rude girl with it.
I told her to hide it somewhere on her body. Then I took a dandelion with the seeds to “find” the leaf. As I “scanned” her body to find it, I worked up to her mouth. I held the dandelion in front of her mouth and told her to open it. With a smug smile, she opened her mouth thinking I was dumb for thinking it was there. As soon as she did, I jammed it down her throat—white dandelion seeds, stem and all.
She almost threw up. My aunt, uncle, and cousin were all upset with me, but my mom thought it was hilarious because she knew how mean this girl was.
28. Popping Bottles
I was 16 and had grown up together with my friend. We had always been close, but as we got older, he got more involved in heavier stuff and slowly transformed into Pat the Punk. He started selling, dropped out of school, and became your run-of-the-mill degenerate. One day, his neighbor agreed to buy drinks for a party. I was very excited about it because I wanted to impress a girl I liked from school.
So, we both chipped in $50 for the biggest bottle. The neighbor delivered it to my friend’s place, and we left it on the coffee table while we played video games with his brother. When I came back from the washroom, the bottle was gone. I just laughed and asked where it was. Both avoided eye contact and shrugged. Irritated, I told them that bottles didn’t just get up and leave.
I asked them again where it was. They still claimed ignorance and kept their eyes glued to the TV. By then, I was livid and finally understood the phrase “blood-boiling anger". But I kept my cool as best as I could then questioned them for another 15 minutes trying to make them tell me it was a joke or what’d happened. With no response, I told them that I could take the hint that they disrespected me that much and left.
So, I decided to learn everything I could about making fake dollar bills. My old printer provided three subpar twenty-dollar bills. I waited a week to let things blow over before asking Pat the Punk for $60 of bud. He didn’t notice a thing because he was always drinking or on something. I left feeling like I’d put the universe in balance by getting even, and I considered our friendship over.
A few weeks later, I heard that Pat gave his dealer the fake bills who then tried to use them at a convenience store. The bills were so bad that the clerk immediately knew and called for officers. His dealer denied vehemently he didn’t know the bills were fake. But the officers still decided to search his car for more. Instead, they found little baggies of white powder and took him in.
His dealer knew exactly who’d given him the fake bills. But my friend had no idea they were fake or who’d given it to him. I never meant it to go this far...Unfortunately, a few nights after his dealer’s bust, two masked men broke into Pat’s house, beat him badly, and looted his house.
29. Rising Above
When I was in high school, I had a friend who was a grade above me, and we lived down the block from each other. One day at school, I saw him in the hallway and asked him a question about soccer. He looked at me and said, "Do I know you?" and walked off. I blew it off and went over to his house to talk to him about it.
He said, "Sorry, but you’re a junior and I’m a Senior. I have standards". I hated him for this comment. So, I spent a good two months hashing out my plan for revenge. I figured out that his mom and dad loved their manicuring their lawn every couple of days. Then I learned about his most dreaded chore. It was lawn work. One Friday night, I found a deli that made fresh dough for bagels.
I grabbed a trash bag of the dough that they’d thrown out at the end of the day. At midnight, I brought the dough over to my “friend’s” house and threw little chunks of the dough all over their perfect lawn. It was the middle of the summer in the south. So, when the sun rose, those little pieces of dough started to rise like hybrid mushrooms and stuck to the lawn like concrete.
His mother and father came out to go to work and were horrified. They blamed their son and his senior classmates for playing a prank, and he spent the entire weekend scraping all that dough up.
30. Blend Of You
In eighth grade, I got annoyed with a classmate who was a jerk to me. My mom worked at the school, so I was there after class a lot. I was in my homeroom and came across this jerk’s vocabulary book. It was due tomorrow, and it was clear he forgot it. I looked at the back of the room and saw the construction paper tray. On top was orange construction paper, which was the same color as the vocabulary book. I knew what I had to do.
I left the book hidden on top of the construction paper. An hour later, the jerk came into my mom's classroom where I was after school waiting for her, and he was bawling his eyes out because he couldn't find his vocabulary book. He told me he'd get detention if he didn't finish the assignment due the next day. With the best poker face that I've ever pulled off, I told him I hadn't seen it and left him to his misery.
He found it the next day after it was too late and was so confused.
31. Job Badly Done
I used to work for a large multinational company. The entire IT department of over 150 people was told their jobs had been outsourced to Costa Rica via HP. Oh and we had to train our replacements. The particular IT function I used took me a year to learn, and I'm not stupid. There were seven of us in the IT department. We had two weeks to train our replacements.
Most of the time, our "replacements" were there, they stayed glued to their screens watching videos. We explained many times to those who listened or cared that these people weren’t getting it and didn't care they weren't getting it. They thought we just wanted our jobs back. Six weeks after we had been laid off, each of us received a semi panicked/plea-full call from the company essentially begging for help.
HP had let the requests back up to over six times what we normally had in the queue after our team left. Well, we all got together for lunch to discuss the next move. I already had a new job. So, I recommended they all call the company back to go help but only if they paid them handsomely. Three of them were brought back as contractors for three years making over three times than they made as employees.
32. Sticky Move
I was in college and living in a fraternity. My room was at the base of the stairs where guys routinely got hammered and loud. It annoyed me to no end. So, I decided to get back at them in an ingenious way. I unscrewed all of the shower heads and filled them with butterscotch candies and then screwed the heads back on. The candies took about five minutes to melt, which meant that shortly after I heard the shower turn on, I could hear the cursing begin throughout the house.
33. Test Of The Senses
Between college and law school, I lived in a three-bedroom house with two sorority girls. In December, I told them that I was taking my LSAT a few weeks in advance and reminded them a few times. Still, they went ahead and completely disrespected me. They decided to invite all of their friends over the night before my test. There’s a lot of drinking, and it got really loud.
I'd asked them to keep it down because I just wanted to sleep. But by four in the morning, I was furious. The party was coming to an end, and I heard some of the guys say that they didn't need a blanket while they stayed for the night in the living room. So, I went down the hall and turned the thermostat all the way down. But I wasn’t finished yet.
I pulled the knob off, threw it on the yard, and went back to sleep. When I was walking out the door a few hours later, all of the guys were huddled in the living room. One of them asked me why it was so cold, and I just laughed and left to take my test. I didn’t feel bad for a single second.
34. Can’t Even Say
While working at my serving job, a little girl asked for a Sprite. I told her, "sure thing". On my walk back to the kitchen, I remembered then that we only sold Pepsi products and used Sierra Mist instead of Sprite. I brought her the Sierra Mist without saying anything because she's just a kid. She won't notice, right? I came back later to check up on them and asked if she'd like a refill.
She said yes. I laughed devilishly in my head knowing she had no idea she didn't get a Sprite. The fool. She had no idea. I get a rush just thinking about it.
35. A Grinch Too Close
My kids were behaving badly just before Christmas, and before I had time to think, I said, "If you don't behave, I'll throw away your Christmas presents!" The threat worked, but not for long because they called my bluff. So, after I had to scrub the marker off the walls, I decided to follow through with my threat. I wrapped an empty box and put it under the tree.
The next day when they did something naughty, I threw that box away. Not only were they good that December, but every Christmas season since.
36. Slippery Soap
As a prank, I put baby oil on the shower floor so when my little brother got in the shower, he would slip. I was young and didn’t think of the possible consequences of my actions thoroughly. Luckily, nothing happened to him because when I got in the shower, I slipped, and hurt myself. I’m glad that I learned my lesson.
37. Friendly Neighborhood Repairman
Dad ended up in a one-room apartment downtown after the divorce. The location was close to the arts district, so visits during the day were nice. But nights got pretty loud. Rent was cheap, so they were favored by the local undocumented workers who’d stay in groups in one apartment and liked punching holes in the wall. Dad liked the area and the rent. But he got into it with his neighbors.
At night, they liked to drink and have loud parties showing off their strength by punching the walls. To cope with the sound, he boarded his window with plywood and hung heavy quilts over the door. My sister and I didn’t see him do that very often. I kept my pet corn snake there. When his neighbors saw me carry it in, it got Dad a lot of respect.
No one ever tried to break into his apartment. But Dad couldn't stand the holes in the apartment walls. They took a long time for the apartment manager to repair. So, Dad had to fix the holes himself and keep them fixed. He filled a board full of long nails. When there was a new hole in the wall, my dad made a whole production out of putting the board of nails into the wall then patching it up while his neighbors watched.
My dad told them that each time someone punched a hole, he’d add a new board of nails. The holes stopped appearing!
38. Meaningful Exit
Before officially submitting my resignation, I wrote a code in the program that in three weeks after my final day would mess with parts of the system. After compiling and integrating it into the network, I removed the code from the source then gave everything to them. I didn’t create the program. I merely took it over. My replacement would need at least a couple of months to figure out how the whole program works just as I did.
In the meantime, they were using a broken program with no way to figure out the source of the problem.
39. Handling It
In the third grade, my English teacher refused to correct my test score. The scantron machine would mark answers wrong even though you filled the right bubble. So, I figured out that filling in between two lines at the bottom of the scantron made it so every answer came out wrong. The mark is subtle and hard to notice. I did it for every test and encouraged my classmates to do the same.
My teacher had to grade all of those tests that came back with a grade of zero.
40. My Ten Cents
My first roommate in college was highly inconsiderate. She’d used my things without asking, played the same song on repeat for hours when I was trying to study, left food to rot in the fridge that I’d bought for us to share. After a while, I found out that she was very superstitious. She believed in the power of dimes. She thought that when she found them, spirits were present and watching her.
So, I started to leave dimes everywhere—on her desk, the windowsill, the elevator—all the while denying any involvement. She was so spooked that she moved to a different building.
41. Insider’s Only
When she was five and I was three, my sister was the evil genius. She caught me praying for my stuffed animals to come to life. So, she took it upon herself to position my toys frozen in the middle of various activities whenever I was asleep or not in my room. For days, I caught my stuffed animals doing fun things without me.
It not only made me believe that my prayers were answered and stuffed animals were given the gift of life. But now with the power to think, they decided that they disliked me so much that they would rather freeze and waste this magnificent gift than to have to suffer through even one minute talking and playing with me. She just watched and laughed as I cried and pleaded to my toys to be my friends and to just give me a chance.
42. In Your Face
I had a nasty roommate in college who used my things and ruined them like my nice frying pan, dishes, and some towels. My hand towel was the tip of the iceberg for me because she used it to smear her gobs of makeup off thus leaving me with a pitifully stained towel that angered me to the core. In comes the dirty towel. My boyfriend and I used that towel after doing the nasty.
I wasn't expecting this to work, but after replacing my towel with this dirty towel, which didn’t look it, I came back to find the next day there were gobby makeup stains all over the towel!
43. Back For More
In fifth grade, my friend who sat in front of me stuck his hand behind him whenever I had snacks. I was happy to share but got annoyed when he stopped asking and just stuck his hand out. So, instead of candy, I dumped pencil and eraser shavings in his hand. He knocked it back and instantly started gagging and spitting.
44. Remotely Diabolical
I was at a party in high school with my girlfriend. It was her birthday but merged with another girl whose friend was this really rich kid, so we all drove over to his house. Once we got there, we just hung out, played pool, and did other teenage things. But the rich kid's younger brother kept coming down to bother us.
He had an Xbox controller and a headset on but wanted to ask his brother something. He got mad and then stormed upstairs. So, we're sitting there just talking, and I noticed the Xbox controller on the ground. A terrible, evil idea popped into my head. I took it and pressed the middle button down for a couple of seconds. Then I pressed up twice and then A, erasing anything he hadn’t saved.
We all heard a scream seconds later, and he went into full tantrum mode. I immediately hid the controller and walked away. He came down so furious but never figured out who did it.
45. An Apple A Day
I lived next door to a horrid family in Sydney. They made everyone around them miserable by taking what wasn't theirs, damaging property, and making threats. Our houses were down the street from the train station, so there were always a lot of people walking by at the end of the workday. One day, I was eating an apple. The two girls next door were sitting on their front step, and one was also eating an apple.
With the neighborhood’s bad reputation, people walking through were often wary. A timid-looking girl was walking by carrying her briefcase. When she was close enough, the girl threw her apple really hard and hit her in the back. The poor girl screamed in terror and ran down the street. I looked at my bitten apple then chucked it as hard as I could at the girl sitting on the steps.
It hit her right on her head and exploded. I quickly jumped back so they could not see me struggling not to laugh while they freaked about where the apple came from.
46. Name Calling
In my senior year of high school, everyone wrote down their name on a piece of paper for a raffle. The prize was nothing great, so I convinced two tables of my friends to write “Phil McCracken". With about 20 entries, the principal picked Phil’s name then repeated it many times before the vice principal could stop him.
47. Dirty Play
My babysitter was the sweetest until she waved bye to my parents and shut the door. It was summer and hot with Georgia humidity being what it is. I was stuck for a weekend with her and her bratty daughter, Tracy. She was slapper always going for my face with either a clawed hand or a mouthful of saliva.
She was a year older than me and had the benefit of mommy always taking her side and then punishing me for fighting back. I finally decided after being spat on all morning that I couldn't take it anymore. So, I spat back inducing a scream from the mean girl that would make one believe I’d slashed her face. Her mother came rushing out from the rear bedroom where she usually read romance novels and didn't actually babysit.
Her daughter spun a tale about how I just “out of nowhere” spat on her. And she obviously didn’t spit on me! I’d just done it without provocation! Having heard enough, her mom yelled at me to go outside. So, I did as I was told. The babysitter said that she was going to let us watch a movie, but since I “wanted to act ugly,” it was going to be just the two of them.
They were going to sit in the back room with the AC on blast watching a movie while I sat outside alone in the hot backyard. I could see through the window. I saw them cuddled up while the movie played. I strained to hear the music and the dialogue but couldn't make out much. The window was filthy. After about 20 sweaty minutes, I couldn't fight the thirst anymore.
I rapped on the window lightly, and they both jumped. Angrily turning to me, Tracy stood close to the window. I mimicked drinking something and asked if I could come in and have some water. "I'll bring you some in a little bit!" the mom shouted and closed the curtains so that I could only make out blocky shapes and the dim, blinking light that was the TV.
And they turned the volume up really loud in case I'd wanted to protest. I hopped off the trash can and turned my attention to the old dog that really didn't like people anymore. I stared at her sniffing around and watched her take a watery poop in the grass. Then it struck me. I plucked some big leaves from a tree and picked it up. I walked carefully and quietly to the back of the AC unit.
I smeared that poop all over the grates that I assumed air filtered through to get into the room. I was right. It didn't take too long for them to notice. Tracy got up and looked over the bed as though she might find a fresh pile on the floor. Seeing nothing, she laid back down, only to get up again a little later. She gave the floor a more thorough look.
I could hardly contain my glee, and I really didn't have to since the volume was up so high. They stood and hit pause while I ran to the broken swing set as if I'd been there since the curtains had shut. The babysitter called for me and, for a moment, I thought I was in trouble. Instead, a fat hand with a cup of ice water poked out of a sliding glass door, and I drank it with an unusual amount of satisfaction.
She let me come back in not too long after that. I asked if we could watch the movie. She bitterly said, "no". She had to bring her pillows and stuff to read her book in the living room.
48. Trouble Spot
Back when I was little, we lived across from a popular public pool on a tiny street, so parking was premium. We had issues with people parking across our driveway, but we were close with the pool owner and would get him to ask over the loudspeakers, and whoever parked the car would come over, apologize to us, and move.
But one day after coming home from school, I saw somebody had the audacity to not park in our driveway but inside our garage. My dad was dumbfounded. We went over to make the usual announcement. Then this woman in her 30s came stomping over in a huff and said she would fix it when she had finished her exercise routine. So, my dad just parked behind her, and we went out for dinner for a few hours.
She was mad, but she didn't learn her lesson and kept doing it two to four times a month! Eventually, my dad stopped caring about parking her in and let her out at his leisure. It wasn't our problem just hers. She even called officers on us. They just told her not to park on private property and then wrote her a citation. Then one morning, she had the gall to park us in our own driveway. Dad had had enough.
He made sure she was doing her laps, grabbed a coat hanger, jimmied the door open, dismantled the passenger seat, and left it on the curb by the pool exit. He then waited on our front deck, sipping his tea as she came out of the pool to get her car. She walked by the passenger seat without a second glance. Scowling at him as she got in her car, she did a double-take as she went to put her bag down.
She freaked out, realizing that my dad had had access to her car the whole time. She ran over, grabbed her seat, put it in the trunk, and drove off. We never heard from her again.
49. Rinse And Repeat
My stepmom was evil. She put two young girls, my sister and me, on diets because we were "fat". I tolerated her because my mom was out on the road working and really needed a place for us to stay and had to leave us with my sister's father. And one day, I snapped. At 12-years-old, I had an idea to mess with my stepmom. Once a week, my stepmom used an expensive conditioning treatment on her hair.
She was 56-years-old and used anything to preserve her youth. I was at my mom’s for the weekend and snatched a bottle of liquid hair remover. When I got back, I dumped out half of her fancy conditioner and then filled the bottle with remover. After giving it a good shake, I put it back. Then I waited. She would use the treatment at the same time each week and soak in the bath for about 30 minutes.
The bottle only called for 15 minutes. She got out of the tub to take a shower. When she stepped out, almost all of her fancy permed hair was falling off her head.
50. While You Were Away
I was living with a friend of mine, and this girl who I didn’t know that well. We became friends and started hanging out. I ended up getting into a car accident on the freeway and had to move home. It took me a few days to get back to pack, and when I did, most of my stuff was missing. I was furious and upset about it. The girl told me my friend had people over who'd maybe taken things.
While she was gone, I stopped packing to go into her room and snoop. I couldn't believe my eyes. This girl had taken over half of what was in my closet and hidden it in her room. She had everything from my CDs, antique perfume bottles from my grandmother, down to socks and bras. I was livid and packed the stuff that she was trying to take from me.
With more garbage bags, I grabbed all of the clothes she had hanging up and anything else I could find. I lit it all on fire. She called me franticly and said her things were missing. So, I told her the people who'd taken my stuff must be responsible. Once she knew she'd been caught, she threatened me and told me she was going to call the authorities.
I told her to go ahead because they wouldn’t have found anything.