Some people really like to cause trouble out in public, often resulting in being banned from the establishment. Conversely, some people have no intention of causing trouble but somehow still end up with their name on the “no entry” list.
From unintentionally relieving themselves on other patrons, or unknowingly smooching the boss’s wife, to typical teenage trouble and revenge from angry customers, here are 50 hilarious stories from when Reddit users earned a lifetime ban.
1. Raunchy Revenge
This is actually my dad's story. This happened about a year ago. My dad was having a bad day and decided to go to a comedy show at the Hard Rock Cafe where my uncle works.
Dad comes straight from work in his postal uniform and orders a drink. He finds an open set and sits down. A woman sitting beside him says he took her friend's seat. Being in a bad mood that he was in, he says that nobody was sitting there, and there are plenty of other open seats elsewhere. The woman decided to stick her finger in his drink and flick Crown Royal in my dad's face. She would soon regret that display of idiocy.
Dad calmly gets up and walks away. The woman goes back to talking to her friends. My dad goes to get an empty tall glass from the bar and starts to walk around the restaurant pouring the remnants of other people’s drinks into the glass.
After filling up the glass with the leftover drinks that he collected, he walked over to the woman and poured the entire glass on the woman's head, very slowly.
This is what got him banned from the Hard Rock Café.
2. New Year, New Job
When I was 21, I had a relatively new job at a sports bar in Florida, as a line cook. During a New Year’s Eve party, I imbibed copious amounts of long island iced teas. The countdown began and we watched the ball dropping on the big screen.
As everyone screamed Happy New Year, I saw a hot older blonde standing next to me and decided to give her a kiss. Not being a very confident guy, I went for a quick smack on the lips.
But it didn’t quite go as planned…
As I pulled away, she grabbed my head, pulled me back, and proceeded to throw her tongue down my throat. We made out for what seemed like forever but was in reality only about 10-15 seconds.
Just enough time for one of the owners to see me with my hand on this hot blonde’s booty and my tongue in her mouth.
Oh, but here’s why that’s bad…
The hot blonde was his wife! My co-worker (and roommate) got between him and me just in time and I was able to get out of there without a beat down.
Not only was I fired, but I was also banned from ever going back to that establishment.
3. They Had To Silence The Leader
When I was in fifth grade, I was basically the leader of a small army of children and a huge troublemaker. One day, after having a pretty deep conversation about the inexcusably short length of our recess time with a concerned classmate I decided to stage a protest.
I had spent enough time menacing about in my school to know how to shimmy up the side of the building to the roof. So, I did. Once on top, I declared my intent to jump off the building unless they extended our recess by 10 minutes.
The rest of it is kind of a blur, all of my classmates were gathering down below in the grass chanting and declaring solidarity for my, no, our cause. The teachers were outside begging for me to step back from the edge.
No dice, I was in charge.
I took a deep breath and jumped 15 feet into the grassy field below. I wasn't injured, thankfully. But no change ever came from my valiant protest.
What’s worse is I was banned from recess for the rest of elementary school.
4. The Secret Life Of A Nine-Year-Old
I was a mod on GameFAQs when I was nine years old. Then one day I mentioned that I was nine years old…
Flashback to 2002 or so, I was pretty active on the Golden Sun boards way back when. I think I used the other boards, but my favorite by a longshot was that for Golden Sun. I was parentally forbidden to use message boards, so I had to sneak in my GameFAQs time behind my mom's back. After a while, my karma escalated, and someone somewhere along the line found it fit to turn me into a mod. I felt like I was on top of the world—but things went south rather quickly.
Unfortunately, being nine years old, I was a pretty bad mod. I didn't really understand much of what was going on, let alone the implications of what a mod was (I just thought I was a pretty active user; I didn't realize that I was one of the elites until years later).
My favorite mod activity to do was to go through the recent punishments and say whether I thought that they were "far too lenient", "too lenient", "just right", "too strict", or "far too lenient". I didn't know what "lenient" meant, but I could figure that out from context (I was a pretty smart nine-year-old).
However, I misinterpreted, and thought that "too lenient" meant "should be more lenient" and vice-versa. Moreover, sometimes I got too bored and didn't want to read the whole post, so I would just choose my favorite. So, my sincerest apologies to some users who got grossly inappropriate punishments.
One day there was a thread where people were talking about how old they were (one of those "I'm 40 and still playing this. Is this bad"? threads). Nine-year-old me comes to save the day: "I'm only nine, but I don't see anything wrong with adults playing video games"! or something to that effect.
The next day, I logged on to discover my worst fear had happened—I was now banned.
For what it's worth, I'm a mod now on Kongregate (Flash games site), and I'm considerably less bad at it, in that I'm no longer nine.
Also, many, many years later, it has been brought to my attention that I was not a mod, but a meta-mod, a position for which I apparently had to apply. Fancy that.
5. Not The Challenge They Signed Up For
There’s a hole-in-the-wall burger shop that is famous in Winnipeg for giant burgers. Six friends and I decided we were going to take the "nine-pound" burger challenge. To actually order it you have to call in advance and pre-pay because cooking it is a big job.
So, my friend Trev calls in a week before to order and pay for the burger, it comes to $85. The next week we show up to eat, and we all order canned drinks at $1.50 each, and a couple of us order the milkshake (which is horribly overpriced at $10 already). So, the total of the day, without the prepaid burger is 7x1.50 for the canned drinks and 3x10.00 for the milkshakes, so $40.50.
When the first guy goes up to pay for his canned drink, the cashier rings it up for $18.83. Asking why so much for one canned drink the cashier points out a sign (on a chalkboard) stating groups larger than six HAVE to pay 15% gratuity.
Thinking the first guy got hit with it, the second goes up and gets charged $30 for his shake. Turns out they wanted to charge 15% gratuity to EACH person, on the total price, including the pre-paid burger.15% compounded over seven people is 105% gratuity, more than the entire cost of the meal.
I decided to go up next and question this system and try to explain to them their bad math skills. The cashier gets all defensive saying she's just doing her job and asks me for another $18 for my canned drink.
I explain again that 105% gratuity is extortion and that the first two people have already paid more than what we owe and we won't pay them for the price of the meal twice. The owner/cook then flips out on me, saying, "Well, let them pay whatever they want but you're not allowed back here", pointing at me.
So, I'm banned for being able to calculate a bill properly. Anytime the story comes up I tell people not to eat at Blondies in Winnipeg.
6. The Lion Tamer
My friend gets trashed at the zoo and proceeds to hop over the outer cage of the lion's den. In the blink of an eye, he whips out his member and begins shaking it at the lions in a violent, angry fashion. He's screaming insults at them (at one point calling them out for "not being as cool as bears") until the authorities arrive.
He is promptly apprehended and banned from the zoo for life.
The best part of the story occurred while the officer was entering my friend's name into their system. The officer decided to give him an alias. He can now be found in our city's authority’s database under the pseudonym, "The Lion Tamer".
7. That Gullible Friend
I was in tenth grade Global History class and we were reviewing for the final, doing some kind of quiz game. One of the girls in the class was asked who Gandhi is and was clearly stumped by this. That’s when a lightbulb turned on in my head. I whispered to her that he committed genocide in India. She repeated this to the teacher.
I was kicked out of class for the period.
8. This Is Golden
When I was 20 my cousin and I went down to a club in my hometown after a CFL Football game. After spending about an hour doing shots and drinking at the bar, we need to use the washroom; which is located on the second floor.
Well, in line to the washroom, we notice a bouncer come through a door that is marked “fire exit only”. He and I both decide to head out and relieve ourselves off of the fire exit (on the second floor).
Without hesitation we both begin to go; it was only when a bouncer came out and grabbed us midstream that we realized we were going on the patio (full of people) below us.
I have never tried to get back in and we were told we were banned for life.
9. They Can’t Be Serious
When my dad was younger, he was drinking at the local pub and started needling the bouncer about something, just being a jerk. The bouncer knew him and tried to ignore him. My dad then accidentally spilled his drink all over him and the guy finally tries to drag him out.
My dad thought this was hilarious, and his next move got him into a whole lot of trouble—he proceeded to fight his way (poorly) out of the bar, smashing up a smoke machine in the process, before legging it. They called the next morning to inform him he and his firstborn child were banned from ever entering the pub during drinking hours again.
Fast forward about twenty-six years. I just turned nineteen and get to go to the local pub for drinks for the first time. The bartender takes my ID and looks at my pretty recognizable last name. He says, "Are you M's daughter, CosineX"? I say yes.
He says I'm allowed to drink there but I'm on probation. They have my name on their list. They kept my dad's name and watched the birth announcements in the paper to get the name of his firstborn child.
10. He Took It A Little Too Far
My favorite local pub is across the alley from the church of Scientology. It's really easy to get loaded and then wander into the "church". The last time it happened, I was adamant about using their spa to remove the toxins from my body.
Instead, they wanted to show me a video. During the video, a friend I was with suggested a threesome with the brain-washed hottie showing us around. Needless to say, the guards descended and we were banned from the Church of Scientology.
I still make it a point to ask them if I can use their sauna after any time I've been drinking.
11. Not A Dolphin!
My brother’s friend got kicked out of Portugal for punching a dolphin. He claimed it tried to bite him.
12. You Must Be This Coherent To Enter
Canada (well, their border guards) told a friend and me that we had been drinking too much to enter the country and to sleep it off and try again when we were more level-headed.
13. Too Tipsy For Canada
My dad and some of his friends got very tipsy on the way to Canada (the driver wasn’t drinking). When they got to the border, they were asked to state their business. Before the driver could answer, one of the guys in the back let his intrusive thoughts win: "WE’VE COME TO SCREW THE QUEEN".
Needless to say, they did not get into Canada that day.
14. That Escalated Quickly
A group of us went to a skin bar. We were only there for a few minutes when a friend of mine smacked a girl on the rear end and was escorted out of the facilities. I felt bad for him getting kicked out and having to hang out by himself so I decided to get kicked out myself by jumping on stage and swinging around the pole.
Little did I know the pole actually spins. I always thought of them as fireman poles. Because the pole spun when I ran up to it and took a swing around, it threw me off guard. What ensued was totally embarrassing—I ended up kicking a dancer in the face as I swung around before I flew off and face-planted off the stage into the crowd.
The crowd I landed in proceeded to beat the heck out of me for landing on them before the bouncers got a hold of me, took me outside, and beat the heck out of me again. I found my friend afterwards and we went bowling down the street till the rest of our group was ready to go.
15. With Great Flour Comes Great Responsibility
I got banned from a cake decorating forum for calling someone out on using boxed cake mixes in cakes that she was selling.
16. No Wind, No Problem
So, it's 2:00 in the morning. A friend and I are hanging out, bored and unable to sleep with our typical insomnia. We don't have enough money for clubs or booze. In fact, we have a bit less than $1.50. So, we drive to Wal-Mart to see what we can entertain ourselves with for just over a buck.
We stumble upon a kite. Hey, I haven't flown a kite since I was a kid, and neither had he. It seemed like a great way to pass an hour or two, so we bought the kite.
Unfortunately, at 2:00 am there often isn't any wind... as was the case on this particular night. I, the avid problem solver than I am, point out that we only need relative wind speed, and that my car has a sunroof.
It turns out it is very difficult—but not impossible—to fly a kite out of the sunroof of a car.
It also turns out that you can get kicked out of a Walmart parking lot for doing so.
Getting kicked out of a parking lot is hard to beat for classiness.
17. He Found A Loophole
I was banned from Blockbuster Video. It was during their "GameRush" phase when they initially started taking in Video Game trades. Being an online reseller of collectible games and DVDs, I already knew how to establish good trades from values (buying from Gamestop and trading into Blockbuster, etc.).
One day when I was in the store trading in, an employee told me that he found a weird glitch in the system—and I knew immediately that I would be exploiting it. There was a PS1 game that Blockbuster sold for $1.99, but it traded in for $10.00. Of course, I bought the game right away at $1.99 and traded it in the next day for $10.00.
Over the course of the next few weeks, I would go into the store, grab a set of games from the shelf and ask how much each would trade in for. Within two weeks’ time, I established a list of over 70 games that cost much less than their trade-in value. Since you could trade in two of the same title, then I slowly began buying (from Amazon and other stores) four of each title.
Every day I would go in with my 140 games and trade them in, then go and buy the 140 I had traded in the day before. The Store Manager approved it because there were no rules established against it and they got good numbers from it. Within a month they were the number one store in the nation in trades, sales, and pre-orders (I used the credit I got to pre-order games). The CEO of Blockbuster came to their store, they made an in-store commercial from that location on how to do trades.
Everyone was looking at the numbers, not at the transactions.
In one set of pre-orders, I had ordered 90 copies of Doom Three Collector’s Edition. Unknown to me or the employee there was a bonus case of soda that was offered with the pre-order. Someone along the line called corporate to ask if there was an error in having 90 cases delivered to the store for my account. They then checked the account—and I was done for.
The next day I went into the store, and the manager told me that he was going to have to ask me to leave. He was a cool guy and nice about it but said that it finally came crashing down upon them for allowing the transactions to take place.
I received a Next Day Air signed letter stating my account had been closed and not to try to go into a Blockbuster Video store again.
Funny enough all the credit was given on cards, which were not tied to my account. So, for the next little while I'd have friends go in and buy stuff from different stores. This was paid for out of the three boxes of Gift/Store Credit cards I had amassed.
18. Elevator Hide and Seek
When I was a kid, I used to play “Elevator Hide and Seek” with my friends in a hotel. Note that we were all kids and our parents were having some celebration in the reception room.
Anyway, the game starts off with the seeker waiting in the lobby while all the other kids get on the elevator and take different floors. (There were 20 floors so it wasn't that fancy). This went on for a while until security noticed that the elevator lineup in the lobby was so long, they had to ban us from using the elevator.
My parents were not happy and my brothers and I got grounded for a month. Needless to say, it was one heck of a game.
19. Worth It
Alright, this is maybe the best story I have.
Seattle, WA has a summer event called SeaFair. It's basically a party on the water in August, where anyone who has a boat rolls out to the middle of Lake Washington and ties up to other boats nearby. Even the Blue Angels do a flyby airshow.
Okay, so me and two friends didn't have a boat. All our friend’s boats were filled up so we couldn't hang with them. So, we decided to rent canoes from the University and paddle out to SeaFair.
Unfortunately, SeaFair was NINE LONG MILES away from where we pushed off from. Nothing an afternoon and a 24-pack between us couldn't solve, right?
Anyway, after actually capsizing once and pulling our cargo to shore (the sea was a harsh mistress that afternoon, well with a couple of thousand people all heading out), we eventually made it there (a boat saw us about 3/4 of the way there and offered us a tow).
Once there, we felt everyone’s wrath—they were all making fun of us, EVEN THE AUTHORITIES, who said things like: "Watch your wake!" PSHH. We earned the right to be there more than anyone.
After an afternoon of tipsy trouble, we basically conceded that there was no way we'd ever paddle all the way back in that canoe (UW #17 written on the side in big stenciled lettering).
So, being the geniuses that we were, we decide to sink the darn thing. After many, many attempts, it doesn't go down. Oh well, let's just push it off to sea.
We figured the authorities would find it and just take it back themselves, and I'd pay a small fine. And then it hit me.
OH WAIT, MY STUDENT ID CARD WAS CONNECTED TO THAT CANOE, AND WAS CHECKED IN. I quickly realized that when the authorities find the canoe and take it back, they'd think I was in deep trouble, and actually may have drowned.
And the only address/phone number they had on file, connected to my ID, was my HOME address, my family's home.
So—and this was actually the smartest thing I did in this story—I called my mom and said, "MOM, if the authorities call you, I just want you to know I'm actually safe, and there's no need to worry". No more than three minutes later, my mom ACTUALLY got called by the authorities telling her that her son was missing. She never did tell me what she told them...
About a week later, when I realized I needed my ID for the bus, I went over to the waterfront activities center to get it back. The employee there said that they had been pretty concerned about us, and that the authorities had never in their history found a UW canoe that far offshore (for those from Seattle, the thing floated to Mercer Island).
I paid about $160 in fines, and then they told me that I was banned for the rest of my time as a student there.
20. When Teenagers Travel
We were on a study abroad program, touring different parts of a country. Being first-year college students, we all drank heavily in the hotel room. People decided to smoke in the hallway since we weren't allowed to smoke in the rooms. I don't smoke.
So, a large group of tipsy kids was sitting by the elevator banks, many having a smoke. I had a bright idea of taking a fire extinguisher and setting it off. I imagined that a thick white ooze would come out. Instead, it was like a blast of white powder that immediately covered everyone and the whole area.
A friend told me it was time for me to go to bed. So, I went to bed.
The next morning, the ground was covered in white, except for some footprints. Another friend actually tried to cover up for me when we were being questioned by saying "What, it's just dust"!
They caught it all on video and myself, and many others, were banned from that hotel forever.
21. One Of The Good Ones
I used to play Guild Wars a lot. I never really found a group of people that I clicked with, so I jumped from guild to guild. One guild had promoted me to officer, but after a while, I decided to leave.
Sometimes an officer would "go rogue" and kick everyone they could out before they left. Instead, I promoted everyone else to my level before I left.
They couldn’t technically ban me because I had already left on my own will.
22. Who Knew This Would Escalate So Badly
My best friend's and my birthdays are one day apart. We both go to school in Boston but had gone home for the summer (I to Michigan and he to Texas). For our birthdays he decided to fly to Michigan for a visit. I live close to the Canadian border so we decided to go over the border and celebrate our 19th birthdays by getting a few drinks at a casino about 50 minutes from my hometown.
We of course needed a designated driver. So, we got a friend of mine who doesn’t drink to accompany us. When we got closer to the border, we started seeing signs that asked, "Do you have your passport"?
Suddenly, I felt a pit in my stomach. We had completely forgotten that the laws had been changed not more than two weeks before. You now had to have your passport to get into the country. I keep mine in the glove box and my buddy had him as he was traveling from Texas. The DD, however, did not have his.
In my stupid 19-year-old mind, I thought "No problem. I drive through Canada at least five times a year to get back and forth to school, and never once have I had my car searched. We'll just put Evan (the DD) in the trunk! Problem solved".
As it turns out, two teenagers in a sports car crossing the border at 11:30 pm is a bit suspicious.
They searched the car for a good 15 minutes before they found Evan in the trunk. My first reaction was laughter and trying to explain to the officers that it was just a big misunderstanding. And then I realized just how serious the situation was. I stopped laughing when I was facedown against the hood of my car with a huge piece pointed at my back and an officer's hands feeling up my lady bits.
After an insane amount of questioning and three hours in a holding tank, no formal charges were pressed. But we were fined $900, escorted from the country immediately, and banned for six years. Who knew that human trafficking was wrong?
And that's how I got banned from Canada (only three years left)!
When the Apple store in the mall opened I may or may not have used their unsecured wifi to set home pages to things that may or may not have been motherless videos of dolphins engaged in various activities with people.
Also, the mall may or may not actually have a very tiny “lock up” in it.
24. He Didn’t Even Fight It
I'm banned from a cafe in a town in North Wales; neither of which I'd been to prior to this experience. I walked in and the guy behind the counter said "You! I've told you before! You're banned".
I said, confusedly, "I've never been here before", but he just pointed at the door, so I turned around and left.
25. No Regrets
My uncle got us banned from a mom and pops dinner in the ‘90s. The unintended but totally foreseeable consequence of doing their "Eat a 72oz steak in under an hour", six darn times in two weeks.
I know for a fact he does not regret it.
26. One And Only Chance
I was banned for life from attending Late Night with David Letterman because I canceled my reservation. I guess it was hard to find people for the audience in freaking New York City?
The intern (I assume) who I talked to was very serious: “You should know if you cancel you will never be allowed back. Ever”!
Somehow, I got over it.
27. Money Makes The World Go Round
In college, at the local college bookstore, I attempted to sell some books back to the store. After hearing what the buyback value was, a guy behind me said he'd pay $20 more for my books (he was taking the same course the next semester and the store's markup would be 100%).
The bookstore owner warned me if I sold to this other dude, I'd be banned for life. I told him money makes the world go round and took my extra twenty.
28. He Just Needed The Computer
I got banned from my high school library, while I was in school still mind you. I used the computer there to email my mom to tell her that I didn't have a practice that night and would need a ride home. The librarian didn't like that because I wasn't doing research.
She ordered me to stop, I told her, "No, I need to make sure Mom knows about today", and finished sending the email. She screamed at me the whole way while I was walking out about how I am never allowed back I basically told her, "Good, I wasn't planning on coming back here again anyways".
I wasn’t really into books in high school. I really just needed to use the computer.
29. Ducks And Legos—This Escalates Fast
I went to a holiday resort and got my whole family banned for life. I went to the kids’ playroom and did not properly clean up the Legos.
The manager, instead of cleaning up the Legos himself, reviewed the security footage of all kids entering the playroom and discovered me. Then, he reviewed the front desk footage for the last week until he saw my family. Then, he looked at the check-in records to discover which condo we were in. And finally, he phoned our condo mid-dinner and demanded we all go to the front desk right then.
At the front desk, the manager explained what I did, and pointed to a sign listing many rules about the playroom. My mom told me off and sent me to clean the Legos. I said to the manager, "Sorry, I forgot", and went to clean up the Legos.
Something about this really made him angry. He then told me not to, because we were now banned and had to leave. My Mum seemed to think that was unreasonable and refused to leave without a refund.
The manager became unhinged and threatened to call the authorities.
But then it got so much worse.
He started accusing me of ending the life of a duck. Mum looked at me in fright, I said, "No way, you know I would not do that". She questioned the man for further details. He said I threw a stone and hit a flying duck, which fell into the lake, so there is nobody for proof.
She expressed doubt about the story. He then started making up some other weird accusations, something about being inappropriate with another boy on the grounds.
My Mum was horrified. We got out of there the next day.
I never forgot to clean up Legos again in my life.
30. Don’t All Fitness Centers Do This?
I got banned from Planet Fitness when I tried to cancel my contract (this was the $10 plan, which said I could cancel anytime). They said I had to pay $150 to cancel. I called my bank to tell them to not let them withdraw from my account since they had my checking account information.
My bank said they have had multiple situations happen with planet fitness about their unusual financial practices. Great.
Two months later I got a letter from planet fitness saying I’m banned from ever signing up with them again.
31. Pretty Sneaky, Actually
The local booze store in my old neighborhood never had a doorbell that went off as people came in and out of the store. I would crawl into the store mission impossible style and take nudie magazines from the front counter where you would normally find candy bars and such.
The day I got caught, a quarter had rolled off the counter and onto the floor where I was and the owner came around the corner to pick it up and picked me up by my shirt and threw me out, and told to me never come back.
Not only was I banned, I was deeply embarrassed, so I don’t think I’d ever want to go back anyway.
32. Water Park Trouble Makers
I was banned from the local hydro slide.
Me and two friends got our mats and sat up the top using them to block the water for a minute or so causing a huge pool of water to back up. Then we went down in this huge flood altogether. We were flying all around and on the tight corner. I went up the wall and hit my head on the roof then fell onto my friend below me. It was super fun.
We did it four more times and on the last run, our hearts stopped—the manager was there at the bottom waiting for us. He must have seen the water stop, and then all come at once with three guys getting mangled in it.
He said, "YOU, YOU, and YOU, get your stuff and SCREW OFF"!
We tried to go back the next day and were told we were banned for the summer.
33. Sticky Toddler Fingers
I got my mom banned for life from a local grocery store because apparently, when I was three or four, I wanted a toothbrush really badly, and when she said no, I put the toothbrush in her purse when she wasn't looking. She got caught on the way out and banned from the store.
34. Whoa, I Did Not Expect That
Back in high school, I had a week off for winter break. It was about -25 to -30 degrees out. I was living in a northern Canadian town, about a degree farther north than Moscow for those wondering how it was so cold at that time of year.
Anyway, normally when we have time off between months, our high school would give us our bus passes for the next month on the Thursday or Friday before we got out. This time, we didn't. Normally this wasn't an issue though, and the bus drivers typically understood the problem and just let us on without fare.
I had just gotten off of an eight-hour shift at Staples, about a 40-minute walk from home, which happened to be up a rather steep hill and through sidewalks that weren't often shoveled. It was snowing pretty heavily, very cold, and pitch dark at 5:30 pm.
I get on the bus and show my bus pass to the driver before taking a seat.
"Hey, can I see that pass again really quick”? says the driver. I felt a bead of sweat run down my face.
I know the problem, obviously. But at this point it was the fourth or fifth of the month, so I figured he had dealt with school kids using their previous pass for the whole week at this point. I guess not.
So, I tell him, "Oh, uh, sorry. My school didn't give me my April pass yet. So far every bus driver has just been letting us on, because they know we already paid".
For the record, I was definitely in high school. Baby-faced, 5'8", fairly undeveloped voice. Plus, my school ID was right next to my bus pass in my wallet. It's not like I was some jerk trying to take advantage of the bus system to save a whopping $1.25.
The driver then says, "That doesn't matter. That's last month’s bus pass. You can't use it".
So, I replied, "Are you serious? I already paid my $300 for the yearly passes, they just haven't issued them to us yet"!
He says to me, "Then you're going to have to go buy one from the municipal building".
Again, I said, "Didn't you just hear me? I've already bought my year's set through the school! Why should I have to spend another $37 on another one just because my school messed up"?
His rude response made me shake with anger: "Not my problem. Deal with it, bro".
I'm not a violent person, but I seriously wanted to punch this smug guy square in the face. But I knew that was a bad course of action if I didn't want to get charged, not to mention get banned from the bus system. So, I just fished through my pockets for some change and paid the $1.25 fare.
To my surprise, the driver had more to say…
"I don't think so, bro. You try to scam me and then expect me to give you a ride? Get off my bus".
I was livid at this point, and said, "Oh, you've got to be kidding me. I just worked eight hours making a garbage wage to save for college, and now you want to make a freaking kid walk home 10 kilometers in a blizzard just to satisfy your ego"?
He goes on about me verbally yelling at him and he threatened to call the authorities if I don’t get off the bus.
I was seriously about to lose it on this guy. Would it have been so hard for him to just pretend I didn't exist and drive the bus along the exact route he was driving anyways? My skin was getting sweaty, my fists clenched, my teeth ground together so hard I thought they might break, and I almost choked on my gum.
You see, there was no way to have coffee at work, and I wasn't going to go out at -30 every day to grab Mcdonald's coffee from a block down the road on my break. So, I chewed gum. Turns out chewing gum really helps a lot in keeping you awake, and the more the better. I'd be chewing about five pieces by the end of the day if I was really tired. Obviously, this was a pretty big chunk of gum. Big enough to choke on, if you weren't careful. Or if you wanted to.
So, I lodged my gum down my throat and grabbed my throat so I wouldn't just pop it back up. I held it there for a good 30 seconds, making small convulsions before my gag reflex kicked in, and I vomited up three McDoubles, a bagel, two eggs, three cups of coffee, and a large Coke—right onto the bus driver.
It got all over his jacket, the steering wheel, the control console, the floor, EVERYTHING.
He started freaking out, of course. And he began spewing profanities at me.
As I stepped backward off the bus and flipped him both birds, I dropped the mic: "Deal with it, bro".
It almost made the half-hour walk uphill through a foot of snow worth it.
I didn't actually get banned though, which is the best part. He had my picture posted on the busses and the drivers were told to not let me on, but when I took it to the municipality and they reviewed the tape, all it showed was us having an argument and then me getting sick.
It's not like they could ban me for that. So, they wrote up the driver, as well as giving me a free summer pass and $20 for the cab fare that got me to the municipal building which had actually cost me $10.
I purposely puked all over the guy in a fit of rage and got free stuff out of it.
35. Well, Duh
My friends and I got banned from Macy’s for playing Capture the Flag. We didn’t steal anything, we didn’t destroy anything—but we were being total idiots.
36. This Is Pretty Funny
My friend and I used to go to Chuck E Cheese and throw raisins at Chucky, the guy in the giant mouse costume, and then loudly complain about rat poop.
We got kicked out numerous times before they officially used the term “banned”.
37. Embarrassing Mom Moment
I’ll answer for my mom; she was banned from my high school! I graduated a few years ago so it’s something to look back on and laugh at but at that time, it was the worst situation of my life.
I was being picked on by two girls in my art class (ironically my sociophobia drew me a lot of attention) and my mom thought it would be a great idea to barge into the classroom while it was in session and yell and curse at the girls.
I think what makes it even better (worse) is that she yelled at the wrong table of people at first! Of course, she figured that out and directed her anger at the right girls but by this time I was crying as I was standing behind her outside of the classroom. I don’t think I’ll ever forget how terrified every one of my classmates looked. This 6’2” woman was totally interrupting their first hour of the day.
The principal ended up coming with the school’s security guard and as we were being escorted through the halls my mom was yelling at the principal and he managed to slip in that she would not be allowed back on the premises indefinitely.
38. Water Under The Bridge
I was banned from a grocery store for shoplifting when I was a kid. I ended up working there two years later, as my first job.
I never questioned it.
39. No Browse, Just Buy
I got banned from a John Lewis (an upscale retail store in the UK) for browsing items. This was pre-covid too. The job worth of a guard came up and told me to leave since I was, and I quote, "Just picking stuff up and putting them back again".
Like duh, that’s how browsing in a physical store works. I guess they thought I was going to take things. So now I'm banned from John Lewis
40. Sorry Your Honor, I’m Banned From Lock Up
The prison I used to work at.
I had tried numerous times to receive therapy to treat PTSD I gained while working the job and thanks to the HR taking their vacation, I was not able to get it the administrative assistant warden told me, quite literally, "Officers don't need therapy and if they do then they aren't cut out to be officers", and refused to help me find help. That was outrageous enough—but it gets even more ludicrous.
When they learned (somehow) that I had sought therapy on my own, they attempted to place me on "indefinite administrative leave", citing, "Officer has conducted themselves in a manner unfitting their position".
I sued them and quit.
In the documents written up, they literally banned me for life...from their prison.
41. The Wrath Of An Angry Mother
Me getting caught taking things from Sears, is one of those stories my family still laughs and talks about, 30 years later.
I remember they had me and my friend detained, in an office in the basement. My poor friend was so confused because she had no idea that I had taken something.
Security asked her if she had taken any merchandise and I jumped to her defense and told them no, it was all me. After they called my mom to come pick us up, that 15-20 minutes was the longest wait of my life. Nothing scarier than anticipating the wrath of an angry mother.
On the car ride home, my mom didn’t say much at first. She would just kind of huff in disgust and shake her head. Then in a raised voice, she says, “CLEAR AS DAY RUBYSHOOZ, CLEAR AS DAY”.
I guess when she arrived at Sears to retrieve me, security asked her if she wanted to see the video of me getting caught in the act and she said yes.
Apparently, I wasn’t the master thief I thought I was either, because the video of me thieving was “clear as day”.
My friend and I got a “lifetime ban” from Sears that day.
42. He Had Enough Of Teenage Shenanigans
I got banned from my local Target when I was a teenager because I pressed on a bunch of squeaky toys all at once and caused a noise disturbance.
I think the manager was having a bad day.
43. Um, You Can’t Just Leave This Here
I just got a self-imposed ban from Russia. I drove my car into Russia for a trip, and it broke down. It wasn’t worth much, so I left it behind and we found other transportation.
This was a problem for one main reason—apparently, you can't just leave a car there otherwise you get a very strongly worded letter from the government stating what will happen upon reentry to the country.
I can’t afford a $20,000 fine, and I'm far too busy to be imprisoned right now, so I think I’ll just avoid going back.
44. The Service Must Have Been Pretty Slow
I got kicked out of a restaurant because I called for a delivery order while sitting at a table in the restaurant.
45. Line ‘Em Up And Jump
I was banned from Sears for lining up several sofas in the furniture department and having a hurdle race with friends.
I was pretty impressed by how far we got before anyone caught us.
46. Serial Pony Rider
I got banned from a grocery store for riding the mechanical pony.
In their defense, I was 16, and it wasn’t my first rodeo.
47. Good One
I got warned by a moderator for posting several freebies. She thought I was affiliated with the freebies and told me not to post freebies. All I could do was smile.
I responded back with a freebie for a tampon…and she banned me.
48. Oops! Where Did That Come From?
I was once at a restaurant with several of my male friends. One of my friends was hitting it off with a waitress who went to a Christian College. At the end of the meal as we were doing the bill, we were joking with my friend that he should leave his phone number for her.
He doesn't go for it, but I decide to provide a little bit of a push. I reach into my wallet, grab a piece of paper and write my friend's phone number on it and put it with the tip.
We leave and go to blockbuster to pick up a movie to watch. While on the road, my friend gets a call from the waitress. He starts off all smooth, but then finds out that she is absolutely irate. Yelling that it was extremely inappropriate, of the unlawful type.
Turns out that I (for some reason) had a picture of something for adult eyes only and wrote my friend's number on the back of it. My friend profusely apologizes and thought I had pranked him.
An hour or two later my friend gets a call from an officer from the authority department, saying that the manager of that restaurant called him. The officer said that he was able to calm everyone down and they're not going to press charges, but we are no longer welcome at the restaurant.
To this day I have no idea what the picture was of and how I didn't notice it. Nor do I have any idea why there was something like that in my wallet.
I actually felt absolutely terrible about the whole thing, and one of my friends talked to her and apologized. The waitress was fine with it and accepted the apology. I guess the manager kind of overreacted and took it further than it needed to go.
On the upside, I did get to send a friend who was out of the country the best text message I've ever sent: "Long story short, they're not pressing charges but we are no longer allowed at [restaurant]".
49. Karma Came To Play
I was banned from a bar I worked at, the same night I got fired.
The owner’s wife had a friend, who had her bachelorette party at the bar. The bar had hired me because they had already been in LOTS of trouble for overserving and other bad things (that now required a female worker to keep an eye on the bathrooms).
I saw a man sitting at the bar, wearing his winter jacket indoors while everyone else was wearing their "desperate for a lay" skimpy clothes. I noticed the badge that he wore on his belt was mostly hidden. I was doing my job the way I was supposed to.
I cut off a super tipsy man after he threw up all over the place. I had no idea who I was dealing with. Turns out, he was part of the little party the owner’s wife’s friend was having. She screamed at me in front of staff and customers.
She then fired me and banned me from the bar for life. I smiled and left, knowing what would happen.
As they had already had multiple warnings, they were one warning away from being shut down. Guess what happened? Yup, psycho washed off the X's I had put on the too-tipsy guy’s hands, and told the waitress to serve him anyway.
An officer busted them for intentional overserve, they lost their booze license AGAIN and got a huge, huge fine. That was the last day they were open. They had to sell the place.
That lifetime ban? Well, the bar closed that night, so turns out it was for the life of the bar, not my life. I was back in there as soon as the new owners had their grand opening.
50. A Fun Surprise For Customers
In high school, I collected a bunch of sauce packets from Taco Bell and replaced the words with inappropriate words, and added "in bed" at the end, with Sharpie. I mixed them in with other untouched packets so they’d be a surprise.
They saw me on video and the next time I went in they banned me.
51. Well Played
My college roommate got banned from Target for putting “Wet Floor” signs next to the 50 Shades of Grey display.