Love is grand. That is until bae turns bonkers. These people share some tantalizing and terrifying tales of bizarre behaviors from their exes that left them scratching their heads and even running for their lives. Either way, they can have a sigh of relief as their crazy companions are now someone else’s problem. “Thank you, next”!
1. This Guy Was A Real Square Peg
My ex showed up at my front door about five months after we broke up. He said he wanted to tell me he’d joined a group that competes in solving Rubik’s Cubes. I didn’t think the situation could get any more awkward, but it did. He quickly solved a cube right in front of me and said, “Bam! That’s what you’re missing!”
I honestly had no response, so I just stood there in the doorway and watched him walk away.
2. Revenge Was Best Served Hot
One day, my ex was in the kitchen making food while I was relaxing and watching TV. He came in, pulled off my pants, and started doing something intimate. Then I began to feel a strange tingling sensation that quickly turned into a full-on “Wow, I’m burning” kind of feeling. He was angry with me about something, so he had eaten a habanero pepper and decided to use it to get back at me.
3. She Reached A Dead End
My ex-wife told me her previous boyfriend had died in a car accident. Naive me allowed her to go to his funeral in Missouri. A year later, I learned the upsetting truth. She had been cheating on me with several other men, and she ended up leaving me for her “deceased” ex-boyfriend.
A year later, I actually laughed when she called to say they were getting divorced and asked if I wanted to spend time with her during such a difficult period.
4. In A Hole
I dated a guy who was clearly deeply troubled. When our relationship started falling apart, I told him I planned to move out once our lease ended so he wouldn’t be put in a difficult financial position when I left.
I kept having what I believed was protected intercourse with him to keep things calm for the final month. He didn’t want me to leave, so he started poking holes in the condoms, which led to me becoming pregnant. He later admitted he had intentionally gotten me pregnant so I wouldn’t leave him.
5. The Target Of Trash Talk
My long-term ex used to insult me while I was asleep. He would be up playing video games while I was sleeping in our bed. After a while, he’d get up and sit on the edge of the bed. Then he’d start calling me awful names, saying what a terrible person I was for sleeping, until he got loud enough to wake me up.
6. Things Went Down The Toilet Fast
I met a really pretty girl at a They Might Be Giants concert, and we dated for a few months. A bunch of problems eventually led me to end things. We went out to lunch to talk through the breakup. I wasn’t thinking clearly and let her drive, figuring I could just walk home afterward.
I was usually the one who drove us around, so she never really knew how to get to my place. That ended up being a huge mistake. During lunch, she completely lost it. She started making a scene, so I decided it was best to just leave.
Apparently, she thought she could change my mind by driving up and down every side street until she found me. Then she tried to hit me with her car—more than once. I have never run that fast in my life.
I eventually ended up hiding in a sewer pipe under a bridge for two hours until I figured she had finally given up. I haven’t heard from her since.
7. He Cashed Out On Condiments
When I was in college, I was in a long-distance relationship. My boyfriend at the time asked if I could lend him $60 to help buy groceries. His roommate and a mutual friend called me three or four days later and told me my ex had spent the money on a video game and had been caught eating ketchup and other condiments off a plate for dinner instead.
8. Playing The Fool
I had an ex-girlfriend who came from a really difficult home situation. I was 21 and living in an apartment off campus, and she was 20 and still living at home. One time, things with her stepfather got so bad that she asked if her 13-year-old sister could stay with me until things settled down.
Trying to do the right thing, I said yes. I slept on the couch while her little sister used my bed for a week. Then my ex came over. She found out I had been cast in a play where I played a gay man and would be kissing another man on stage.
She started yelling at me, accused me of being gay, and then threatened to call the authorities and say I had behaved inappropriately toward her little sister. She did all of this right in front of her younger sibling. I threw her out. I apologized to her little sister, but told her she couldn’t stay with me anymore and sent her home.
9. Drowning In Lies
My ex-girlfriend showed up at my swim practice, which was supposed to be closed to outsiders. She then loudly announced to the whole swim team, including me, that she was pregnant—she wasn’t—and that it was mine. Then came the worst part. The new girl I was seeing was also on the swim team, and she ended things with me almost immediately. It was an awful day.
Freepik, 8photo
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10. Bae Was A Busy Bee
I was extremely shy in high school. Even the idea of kissing a boy made me nervous, and holding hands made me sweat. I started dating this guy who I thought was my friend. We were together for about six months when he convinced me to sleep with him by saying that if I loved him, I would.
It was my first relationship, and I was just happy to have someone stay with me that long. So I thought maybe what he was saying had some truth to it. I told him I would do it on the weekend when his parents were going to be out of town.
That weekend came, and when I got to his house, there were more than 20 people there. I decided to stay and hang out. I drank that night, and when it was finally time to go to bed, he came with me.
We slept together, and I passed out right afterward. When I woke up later, I was alone, so I got up to look for him. When I found him, he was in his parents’ bedroom with another girl.
11. Obviously Not Over It
My first serious girlfriend got a job at a lingerie store. All her coworkers were 4–7 years older than she was. They took her out clubbing, and she met some guy who was nine years older and owned a few small businesses.
She drank a lot, hooked up with him, woke up at his huge house, and decided, “this is the guy for me.” Then she said she wanted a “break” from me. Basically, she sized this guy up, decided he could give her everything she wanted, and ended things with me.
A few weeks later, she drove to my house in the car he’d bought her. It was around 2 a.m., and I was playing video games like usual. Under the streetlight, they started making out. I opened the window because I thought someone might be in trouble, and then realized it was her and him.
What made it worse was that she started saying this special little phrase she used to say only to me, something I’d always thought was sweet. She was shouting it at him, and he was probably thinking, “What is going on?”
12. Spoiled Little Daddy’s Girl
After an argument where I told my then-girlfriend she seemed just a tiny bit spoiled and selfish, she admitted it was because she was an only child. Somehow, the conversation got seriously unsettling. She then told me she had kept it that way on purpose.
Whenever her mother got pregnant, she would lock herself in her room and threaten to hurt herself until her mother gave in. Her reasoning was, “That baby would grow up and want to ride my dad’s horses. They’re MY horses. Nobody else rides them!”
Needless to say, I got out of there. But a week later, I called her anyway because she was incredibly attractive. We decided to meet at a restaurant and try to work things out. To my surprise, when I got there, her dad was there too.
Dinner was strange. Everyone was pleasant enough, but I was still bothered that her dad had come along. Then after dessert, while we were waiting for coffee, my ex excused herself. I still can’t believe what happened next.
As soon as she left for the restroom, her dad looked me in the eye and said, “So, I heard you and my daughter had a fight. She told me about it, and she’s asked me to tell you that she doesn’t think you two should be seeing each other anymore.”
I was stunned. My ex came back and asked her dad if everything had gone okay, and he nodded. She smiled, hugged him, and then told me she hoped we could still be friends.
Then they offered me a drink with my coffee. I turned down both. I was way too shocked to say anything clever, so I just left.
About five years later, I ran into her at a club. She asked what I was doing, and I told her I was studying to become a journalist. Her response was, “I knew you’d never amount to anything. Good thing I dumped you.”
13. Dumped!
My friend’s ex-girlfriend went into his house while he was away to get her things; she still had a key. On her way out, she decided to leave a fresh poop right in the middle of his bed. Then she did something even dumber: she took a picture of it and posted it on Facebook.
She thought it made her look cool, too. Needless to say, everyone now thinks she’s completely unhinged, and my friend got plenty of free drinks that night.
14. He Was No Romeo
I had an ex who thought he was Shakespeare. When I broke up with him, he said, “Today, I lost my arm... but the stump will still always be waiting for you.” Then he started stroking my deltoid and kissing it over and over.
I had no idea what to do, so I just started laughing uncontrollably. He ran out of the room crying.
15. Silent Psycho
I’d been dating this girl for about two months. It was sort of a long-distance relationship. So she came up with the idea of staying at my place for a week or so, going home for a while, and then repeating that pattern.
I thought it sounded fine, so I agreed. I didn’t realize how badly this would go until the first time she showed up at my apartment. She brought a suitcase, her computer, two laundry baskets full of clothes, and three boxes of her stuff.
She was basically moving in, but whatever. I’m a pretty easygoing guy, and since we seemed to get along well, I didn’t make a big deal out of it. Three weeks after she arrived, she still hadn’t left. One day I couldn’t find my phone anywhere, so I asked to borrow hers so I could call mine.
She handed me her phone, and when I opened it, I was surprised to see the background photo. It was me asleep. I kept a completely straight face and pretended not to notice while I tried to decide whether it was sweet or creepy. But that was just the beginning.
Her photo gallery answered that question fast. There were dozens of pictures, all of me asleep, taken over the entire time she’d been staying there. In some of them, she had pulled back the blankets so you could see my whole body.
In others, she was touching me. I broke up with her the next day. I couldn’t feel comfortable around her after that. Her response to the breakup was to give me the silent treatment.
She sat perfectly still on my bed and refused to look at me or speak to me, even while I moved around her and packed all her things. I tried calling her parents to come get her, but they couldn’t, so I had to drive her home. It was an hour-and-a-half trip in total, funeral-like silence.
16. Throw The Book At Him!
I like manga and have a pretty big collection. While I was trying to leave a terrible ex-boyfriend after he cheated on me with a 17-year-old, he went through my shelves and randomly took one or two books from every series I owned.
He also bought me two kittens to try to convince me to stay, but then wouldn’t let me keep them, even though he couldn’t keep them either. Instead, he let them loose outside, where one was hit by a car. I have no idea what happened to the other one.
17. A Chilly Homecoming
When I was new in the Army, my sergeant decided to go out drinking in the middle of the week without checking in. He staggered home well after midnight. I saw him first thing the next morning at work, in civilian clothes instead of uniform, heading in to see the Sergeant Major. When I heard what had happened, I couldn’t stop laughing.
It turned out his wife had taken all his uniforms and a lot of the rest of his Army gear and spread it out across the driveway. Then she turned the garden hose on everything. It was February, and about -40°C outside. All of his uniforms and gear froze completely solid to the driveway.
18. A Clear-Cut Case Of Crazy
A few years ago, my ex tried to get back at me by calling the police and having me arrested for abuse. I had never laid a hand on her, so I thought everything would be cleared up quickly. I was handcuffed, then released on my own recognizance.
Then she got a temporary restraining order. I had no intention of seeing her again, so that seemed fine. But the same night I was served, she called the police and claimed I had violated the order by calling her.
A thousand dollars in bail later, I was back home for the night. The next day, she called the police again and said I had broken into her apartment and smashed a bunch of my own belongings.
I was at work and had proof, but that didn’t stop me from being questioned for two hours. That night, she called again, saying I had violated the order once more.
I ended up spending the night in jail. Things finally settled down, until two weeks later when she called again with the same false claims. The week after that, she testified at my hearing and told the judge that, among other things, I had confronted her.
The judge ruled in my favor after my attorney cross-examined her and exposed most of her lies. While delivering the ruling, the judge tried to help her save some face by saying the whole thing had been an agonizing experience.
A week later, I had another hearing for allegedly breaking the restraining order. Those charges were dismissed. A month after that came my final hearing on the abuse charges, and those were dismissed too. After all of that, she still wanted her things back.
She tried to drag people from my past into it, but my attorney told her I would drop off her belongings within a week and she could come get them. The day after I dropped everything off, my attorney called and asked whether I had damaged any of her stuff.
I hadn’t, and I said so. Apparently, she claimed she found human waste in her coffee mug. He told me not to worry about it. I still did, but nothing ever came of it, and I haven’t heard from her since.
19. My Ex Was Cracked
I had loaned an ex my laptop, and she dropped it, cracking the screen. After that, she kept using it with an external monitor. Then she took it with her when she moved in with her new boyfriend, who was also a mutual friend. Her response made me furious. When I asked for it back, she said her new boyfriend had paid to replace the screen, so now the laptop belonged to her.
20. We Didn’t Stand A Ghost Of A Chance
On the first day we were officially together, we were sitting in the front passenger seat of her car, and she was sitting in my lap. Out of nowhere, she suddenly jumped up. I asked what was wrong, and she said, "I just saw the body of a woman roll across the windshield."
I was pretty stunned, because there was no body there, so I said, "What?" She replied, "Um, sometimes I see scary things, like dead people walking around and stuff." I asked if she was seeing dead people walking around right then.
She pointed to the sidewalk and said she could see two dead people walking there right now. Then she asked if it scared me that she saw things like that. I was thinking, "My new girlfriend is out of her mind," so I answered out loud, "Yeah, kind of."
She said, "OK, then I just won’t talk about it anymore." We never brought it up again, but later I regretted not asking her more about it. I was shocked at first, but once I had calmed down, I could have talked with her about it. So much happened so quickly over the next few weeks. The relationship didn’t last.
21. He Was Kitty Corner In My Room!
At least six months after we broke up, I woke up to find my ex in my bedroom, sitting at the foot of my bed. He was giving me a foot rub and had brought my favorite breakfast burrito. And that wasn’t the end of it. Another time, I woke up and found him in my apartment again, except this time he had my cat, who had been missing for several days.
He said he had found the cat after thinking about jumping off a bridge, then wandering through a cemetery, which was where he came across him.
22. Rock Paper Scissors Rules
After my last ex and I broke up, we had one of those post-breakup hangouts. When we were done, we got hungry, so we played rock paper scissors to decide who would go downstairs and get a snack.
During our relationship, we used rock paper scissors to settle almost everything, and I won pretty often. This time I lost. He offered a rematch, and I lost again. Then he told me something deeply unsettling. He said that during our relationship, he had trained me to always use the same pattern when we played and that he could control the game whenever he wanted.
If it was something he didn’t mind doing, he let me win. But if it was something he really didn’t want to do, he made sure I lost. I told him that was seriously creepy, but I still went downstairs to get snacks. It’s still one of the strangest things I’ve ever experienced.
Freepik, 8photo
23. It Was A Bad Call
One of my exes got so angry during an argument that she grabbed the nearest thing and threw it at me, which happened to be her brand-new $400 phone. I dodged it, and it snapped in half. Her excuse was, “I thought it was the TV remote.”
24. He Went Wacko In Walmart
My ex and I were walking into Walmart when a little boy came up and asked me to donate to some kind of charity. I said no. Then my ex asked, “What do you think would happen if I punched that little boy in the face?”
I said, “I don’t know,” and kept walking because I was just trying to shop for dinner. He replied, “What? That’s your answer? You’re not even going to tell me?”
I was stunned. I said, “I don’t know. That’s not even a real question. You’d probably get arrested.” I tried to take his hand, but he got furious, pulled away, yelled, “Don’t touch me,” right there in Walmart, and stormed off toward the frozen food section.
I followed him, getting more irritated because the whole thing was so ridiculous. “Come on,” I said, trying to take his hand again, and he exploded and yelled at me to leave him alone. Then it suddenly hit me: I didn’t even really like him.
Only someone seriously unstable would ask what would happen if they punched a child in the face, and there I was, trying to reason with him. My boyfriend was angry because I didn’t have a better answer to his made-up question about hitting a kid.
So I calmly turned around, said nothing else, and headed for the parking lot. At some point, he realized I was leaving and ran after me. He yelled, “Were you really just going to leave me?”
I told him yes, and that I didn’t care how he was getting home. Then I said, “Actually, I want you to move out. I’ll give you a couple of days, but we’re done. You can ride home with me or keep having a meltdown. I don’t care.” Then I calmly drove us home. He was gone two days later.
25. Roommate Rival
I moved in with my first “real” boyfriend in a new city, starting a whole new life where I had no friends and no support system. He and his roommates—two guys and one girl—messed with me so badly that I started to think I was losing my mind.
He introduced me to his female roommate, who seemed almost exactly like me in every way. He encouraged us to hang out, and we quickly became close friends.
Then one night, while he was really drunk, he admitted that he had been in love with her since grade school. At the time, she was dating someone else, and he insisted he was over it.
That Christmas, our first one together, he gave me a beautiful necklace. I was so excited—until something unbelievable happened. She opened her gift from him, and it was the exact same necklace.
Neither of them seemed to understand why that upset me. They convinced me I was overreacting, so I tried to let it go. Meanwhile, I had a full-time job, so I had to make plans well in advance.
There was a sci-fi movie I had been waiting years to see, and I really wanted to go on opening night. He told me it would be too crowded and convinced me to wait for another day.
So I arranged my schedule around that and worked on opening night. The next morning, all three roommates happily told me that my boyfriend had bought them tickets to see the movie that night, and they had a great time.
His excuse was that he thought his female roommate was the real sci-fi fan and had somehow mixed us up. I insisted that he take me to the next showing, and he did. Right before we left for the theater, his roommates spoiled the ending for me.
26. Past Life Lunacy
Once, while I was lying in bed next to my boyfriend, he took my hand and led me to his workshop in his studio apartment. Inside was a pretty unusual collection of handmade swords. He told me they were Celtic and said they were based on memories from a past life when he had been a warrior. After that, we went out onto the deck to look at the moon.
He started telling me all these stories about his connection to that past Celtic life and his fascination with ancient weapons. Then, a few weeks later, on a night when we were supposed to go out for dinner, he never showed up. I later found out it was because he had joined the French Foreign Legion.
27. He Coveted My Cat
My ex came from a very religious family where he was forced into both homeschooling and their beliefs. His childhood affected him so deeply that his social problems were pretty serious.
One time, he suddenly put his hands around my best friend’s neck for no reason, and he would purr and meow at me, though not in a playful way. One day, I was petting my cat and saying, “Aww, I love you, Maxyy,” like I did with all my pets.
He got up from his chair, carried the cat into another room, and said he was too jealous to keep watching.
28. He Was Not Up To Grade
My ex and I broke up and then got back together. He had been the one to end things the first time, so when we got back together, I felt really careful about how I acted. I wanted the relationship to work, and I was scared he would leave me again.
I was away for a week on a trip, and while I was gone, he told me he had been spending time with a girl he used to flirt with right in front of me. Naturally, I got jealous. He said he was going to make notes about things we needed to talk about once I got back.
That eventually turned into a list of behaviors of mine that he didn’t like. Looking back, it was pretty disturbing. The list included everything from my jealousy to downloading music illegally to biting my nails. Every week, we would review it, and he would rate how much I had improved in each area.
29. Three’s A Crowd, Buddy
When I broke up with one of my exes, he had something of a breakdown. He was a nice enough person, but around the time he decided he was “in love,” I was realizing he just wasn’t the right match for me.
After I left, he kept contacting both me and my new boyfriend for more than a year. Eventually, he even offered to become our “dedicated assistant” if it meant he could stay close to me, saying he would live in our closet or spare room, whatever it took.
After several pages of messages that were humiliating, uncomfortable, and sometimes overly suggestive, my boyfriend and I decided to block him everywhere. He still occasionally tries to reach out, and we continue to ignore it.
30. Crazy Thought I Had Cooties
My ex and I had been making out for a while before heading to a party. We got in the car, and we each had a can of soda sitting in a cup holder. I accidentally picked up hers and took a sip before realizing what I’d done, and I apologized right away.
She rolled down the window and poured out the rest of her drink because, as she put it, “my germs were all over it.” That was a pretty clear sign the relationship was coming to an end.
31. Pet Peeve
For Valentine’s Day, the guy I was dating wanted to go out and eat iguana. I was actually fine with that, since I liked trying unusual foods, and the stranger, the better.
But I lived in a medium-sized city, so I asked, “Where in town are we even going to find a place that serves iguana?” His answer completely threw me off. He said, “A pet store.” He seriously wanted us to buy an iguana from a pet store, butcher it, and cook it ourselves—apparently in my kitchen.
All of this was because he had seen it on TV, and he was completely serious. He got genuinely upset when I reacted with shocked disbelief and a very firm “no.” Even now, I’m still amazed he thought that was a reasonable idea.
32. She Fiddled With My Facebook
One day, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and noticed I was seeing posts from a lot of people who almost never showed up. Most of them were guys, with only a few girls mixed in. Then I realized it felt like about half my Facebook friends were missing.
For the previous three years, my friend count had stayed pretty steady at around 820, and now it was down to about 450. So I started checking my friends list. None of the women I actually talked to were there anymore; it was almost entirely guys.
Then it suddenly clicked—my girlfriend had deleted every woman from my friends list that she thought was even somewhat attractive. When I confronted her, she said, “Why would you care? You shouldn’t care unless you still want to talk to them even though you’re with me.” It was unbelievable.
33. Drain The Vein
I was dating a woman who wanted to become a doctor. During our second year together, she started taking phlebotomy classes. She got really into it and became especially fascinated by visible veins. One night after we’d been at the bar, she asked if she could draw blood from me.
Apparently, she had been watching one particular vein for a while, and the drinking finally gave her the confidence to ask.
34. Jumping Jiminy!
A friend of mine had been trying to break up with his emotionally unstable girlfriend for over a year, but every time, she would threaten to take her own life, and he’d feel too guilty to leave.
The last time he tried, they were driving to her parents’ house for dinner. They got into an argument, and he told her he couldn’t do it anymore and that they needed to end things for good.
She opened the car door while they were going 70 mph on the freeway and jumped out. She was hit by several cars, but somehow, incredibly, she survived. After that, she started stalking him and his new girlfriend. He eventually had to get a restraining order.
35. He Socked It To Me
Years ago, I dated a guy on and off, and he taught me exactly what not to look for in a partner. He would get angry if I forgot to buy him salad dressing at the store, he wasn’t over his ex, he had an embarrassing nickname for his privates, and he would pressure me to drink when I wasn’t in the mood.
One time, we had a Thanksgiving party with friends. Afterward, he invited me back to his place. We were together at the time, and everything seemed fine. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, he had laid out a pair of white stockings on the bed that definitely did not look new.
He told me not to ask where they came from, but said he thought I’d look good in them. I immediately understood what was going on. They had belonged to his ex. He had broken up with her two years earlier, but he had still kept her stockings and was now asking other women to wear them.
When I confronted him, he first went quiet, then got angry and said, “Why does it matter?” Then he started crying and said he was so lonely that he had flown his mom in from Costa Rica to visit him, and that he was afraid he’d end up alone. I was completely speechless. I just grabbed my purse and left.
Freepik,wayhomestudio
36. Look What The Cat Dragged In
An ex I dated for less than a month—but stayed friends with for about a year after—got into my place by telling the landlord she was there to “feed the cat.” I’ve never owned a cat.
She then left pamphlets about addiction on my fridge and even highlighted the parts she thought applied to me, dropped off a box of things she claimed were mine—most of which I’d never seen before—and took some of my new girlfriend’s belongings, including clothes and boots.
She also emailed the woman I was dating at the time and my mother, telling them what a terrible person I was. She even ended the message to my mother with, “I hope we can still be friends.” I eventually had to get the authorities involved, and was told that if she contacted me or my family again, she could be charged with unlawful trespassing.
37. Blogger Beware
I had an ex completely unravel after I broke up with him. He created an entire blog where he constantly insulted me and posted long rants about wanting me back, wanting revenge, and more. And that was only the start. He also sent me emails that were 14 pages long, along with “anonymous” messages from “friends” saying we should get back together.
He messaged all of my close friends on Facebook, claiming he was worried about me and trying to use them to get back into my life. It was basically full-on stalking. I ended up blocking him on Facebook, email, and instant messaging, and warned him that I would get the authorities involved if he kept contacting me.
I had coworkers and friends keeping an eye out in case he took it beyond the internet and phone calls. It was easily one of the most frightening times of my life.
38. Bordering On The Insane
A few years ago, an ex-girlfriend of mine, who was German, went to South Africa with her church group on a cultural exchange. While she was there, she cheated on me and eventually left me for a local guy.
A few months later, I had moved on, and we hadn’t spoken since the breakup. Then I got one of the strangest phone calls of my life. My phone rang from a German number I didn’t recognize. It was my ex, yelling and swearing at me.
Apparently, her new boyfriend was supposed to visit her and her family in Germany for Christmas, but his flight included an eight-hour layover at Heathrow in London. At the time, the UK had some concerns about South African visitors overstaying their visas.
So when her new boyfriend arrived in the UK saying he was on his way to Germany to stay with his German girlfriend of four months, the UK Border Agency was understandably suspicious and decided to detain him until they could verify his story.
In the end, they kept him in a holding area until his next flight to make sure he didn’t disappear. Somehow, this was all supposedly my fault, and she told me I was an awful person who couldn’t accept that she was in love with this amazing man who was a thousand times better than I’d ever be, and so on.
I let her finish, then said, “Look, we haven’t spoken since we broke up, so how would I have any idea where he was or what he was doing?” Then I told her to leave me alone.
39. The Stupidity Of Youth
My ex was the most controlling person I’ve ever known. Back in high school, I couldn’t even talk to other girls who were my friends without her getting angry and jealous. Even replying late to her texts would set her off.
She went as far as getting a new number, pretending to be another girl, and trying to flirt with me as some kind of “loyalty” test. I’m so glad I got out of that relationship. Sometimes I want to give my 14-year-old self a good kick for wasting so much time on it.
40. Crushing On A Crazy
I dated a guy for about two years before I finally realized he was seriously unstable. Having a crush on him since childhood had made me overlook all the warning signs. We were living with my brother, and one day he just walked into the bedroom holding my brother’s machete.
Then he looked at me and said, “I love you and would never hurt you,” and calmly walked back out of the room.
41. She Blew Up My Phone!
An ex-girlfriend of mine was upset with me over something that happened while we were together. She called, and I declined it. She called again, so I put my phone on silent because I was going to sleep. I’m still amazed by what happened next. When I woke up, I had 96 missed calls and 40 messages.
At that point, we had already been broken up for more than a year.
42. Black Magic Woman
I lost my virginity to my girlfriend of six months. It felt amazing and romantic, almost like something out of a movie. A week later, she told me she thought she was pregnant because she was craving chocolate and acting very emotional.
I was stunned because we had used protection, and she had told me she was on birth control. I later found out that wasn’t true. She had lied about being on birth control and had poked holes in the condom.
I asked her to take a test, but she kept putting it off, saying she liked the suspense. She started calling us a family and referred to the “baby” as her little pea. I wanted to break up with her, but I felt like I couldn’t if there was a chance she was actually pregnant.
After a couple of weeks, she finally decided she’d had enough suspense and took the test. It was negative. She told me, “Congrats, you’re not a dad.” Then she broke up with me, claiming I had used some kind of dark magic to cause a miscarriage, even though she had never been pregnant at all.
43. GF Was On The Hunt
My brother once dated someone very unstable. He was with this girl for about two or three months before we moved from Ohio to Houston. He broke up with her before we left and told her that since we were moving, the relationship had to end.
She asked him to send her a postcard when we got there. That turned out to be part of her very unsettling plan. He mailed the postcard, and about a week later, a woman showed up at our door asking if my brother was home.
I was about 12 at the time, so I said, “Yeah, hold on,” and left her outside. I went to get my brother, and he looked confused because we had just moved to Texas and he barely knew anyone there.
He spoke to the woman for a minute, then came back inside and told me never to open the door for her again. It was his ex-girlfriend. She had driven 1,400 miles to Texas and started asking people at gas stations if they knew where our suburb was.
Then she began asking for street names. She figured all of that out from one little postcard.
44. This Family Tradition Blew My Mind
I went to school for glassblowing. Right after I moved into the required freshman co-ed dorms, there was a girl living below me who also worked with glass. We became friends, nothing more, and she became my glass partner.
Glassblowing takes two to four people, and usually you keep the same partner for a long time. That way, you learn each other’s signals and how to work together smoothly.
I would visit her house during breaks and things like that, and her parents were incredibly kind. They gave me my own room and paid for everything. Her dad taught me how to brew beer at home and really took me under his wing.
It was great. We started visiting on weekends, and before long we were basically living at her house. As her 19th birthday got closer, she said she needed to talk to me about something important that had a time limit.
She waited until we were in the car driving back from her parents’ house. Then she explained that in her family, there was a tradition going back generations where the daughter finds a man to move in with her at 18.
When she turns 19, they get married and live with her parents until they’re 20. After that, they get their own house together. I wanted no part of that.
45. It Was Like A Bad Dream
My ex-fiancée used to sleepwalk once in a while and do all kinds of strange things in her sleep. One night, we went to bed, and I woke up to her sitting on my chest and choking me. It was completely dark, and I had no idea what was happening.
I shoved her off, and she hit the nightstand, breaking the lamp. She had no idea what had happened. Another time, I got up for work in the morning and went to the fridge for a drink, and inside were two rawhide bones arranged carefully in some kind of pattern with ketchup and mustard.
It was actually a pretty detailed design, and she had no memory of doing it.
46. Dude, It’s Over!
My ex broke into my house twice. The first time, I was home, but he apparently regretted it and slipped out before I realized he was there. The second time, his friends got him out of my house before I came home.
After they got him out, he refused to get in the car with them and started wandering around my neighborhood. Eventually, my neighbors called the authorities because, ironically, “he had a wild look in his eye.”
We had been broken up for more than a year and hadn’t spoken at all. Then I found out through mutual friends that he and his new girlfriend had tried to ambush me a couple of months earlier.
47. Once Bitten
When I was about 14, my first girlfriend and I were trying out French kissing. We were kissing without using tongues, and then she said, “Okay, I’m ready. 1, 2, 3,” and I went for it. It was amazing. She tasted like strawberries and gum, and her mouth was warm and sweet.
Then she started sucking on my lip, and suddenly she bit down hard. Blood started pouring out of my mouth and onto the floor and my clothes. She had bitten all the way through the skin below my lip. It was definitely not a small cut.
The hole was about half an inch wide. She just stood there in shock and asked if that was normal. I very calmly screamed like a wounded animal, and she ran away.
48. Twin Freaks
I dated a girl who had an identical twin. After we’d been together for a couple of months, I found out that she and her sister would sometimes switch places. Apparently, her sister was jealous, and the two of them decided to treat me like I was some kind of shared toy—even during private moments.
After I found out, the three of us ended up, well, spending time together. After that, I never spoke to either of them again.
49. Computer Creeper
My ex got into my “hidden” app, which was supposed to help if your laptop ever got lost. Instead, he changed my login and used it to take pictures of me through my computer. He had screenshots of what I was doing and would literally spend hours tracking everything I did on my laptop.
When I found the folder on my computer where all the files were stored, I completely lost it. He was seriously disturbed.
50. Son Of A Screwball
A couple of months after we broke up, my ex sent me a bunch of Facebook messages explaining that a girl he had been with shortly before we met had told him he had a year-and-a-half-old son.
According to him, she was dying of cancer, so he had to take over caring for the child. He even sent me pictures of the little boy and said he had done a paternity test.
He went on about making child support payments and getting a bigger place for them to live. I basically said, “That’s nice, good for you, best of luck.” I guess that didn’t get the reaction he wanted, because what happened next was bizarre. A couple of weeks later, he messaged me again to say his son had died.
Then he sent me a long, complicated story claiming the boy had never actually been his son, that the mother had borrowed the child from her neighbor, and that the whole thing had been made up. I stopped replying to his messages and changed my phone number.
