We all suffer through frustrations and disappointments in our day-to-day lives, but only some people can manage to take a nasty surprise and say, “Come at me bro.” From dealing with a horrible boss to shutting down a rude customer, these people said “Screw this, I’m done” in the most legendary ways.
1. My, Myself, and I
I was watching a customer service manager talking to a woman about a return. He’d already told her he couldn’t do it a few times. She demanded he get his manager. He, no joke, spins a circle and says, “They said no.”
2. If I Could, I Would
A jerk customer in a restaurant I used to work in asked for the manager. After explaining the situation, the manager realized the customer was just being rude and agreed with the employee. At which point the customer tells the manager to “Go screw herself.” The manager then proceeds to bend over in a weird way to make it seem like she’s trying to literally screw herself. Then she shrugs, says, “Can’t,” and walks away.
3. (Don’t) Hold My Beer
One guy I knew was a pretty good varsity tennis player. One day, our coach gave the “absolutely no drinking or smoking” speech. Something to the effect of you need to choose between partying and tennis. Dude just silently got up and left the team meeting.
4. Emergency Vehicle
One time, there was a horrific wreck on the interstate that had me stuck there in traffic for about five hours. About an hour into it, a guy in front of me said “Screw this,” popped the trunk, pulled out a motorized razor scooter, and rode away. He hadn’t even come back by the time everyone else started moving. An absolute legend.
5. Playing Hooky
In high school, we were waiting for our teacher to show up. 20 minutes in, he shows up at the door, looks over the room one time, goes “eh” and walks away. He didn’t show up to class at all that day.
6. Crash Test Dummy
I once was walking down the street with one of my bosses. We go to cross the street at a stop sign and get part-way across when a car lurches forward and hits my boss hard enough that he falls onto the hood. He was mid-sentence when the car hit him, and he literally didn’t even skip a beat in his conversation at all.
He just continued his sentence like nothing happened, all while keeping eye contact with me the entire time! Not only that, but when the driver yelled and asked if he was OK, he didn’t even look over. All he did was just give a little hand wave to the driver while still keeping eye contact with me and chatting away.
7. Local Legend
A friend of mine stumbled out of a pub and got hit by a taxi passing by. He proceeded to get in the taxi, go home, and sleep it off.
8. PSA: I’m Done
A guy in my department had a long-running feud with his line manager. After a particularly tense email exchange, he responded with an email that had an underlying “go screw yourself” message and quit. He then CC’d the entire department, including our senior management team, and the upper management of the entire organisation. It was a beautifully crafted rage-quit.
9. I Have the Receipts
I was once in a meeting with the very arrogant boss of our department and the other company executives. While I was there, there was a question about a major mistake that cost the company a product recall. Our boss laid the blame on our department from before he worked with us, saying we had modified a piece of equipment incorrectly.
One of my co-workers, a very humble man, quietly said to nobody in particular: “I have pictures in my notes.” Meaning: “I am throwing the boss under the bus in front of every one of his superiors in the company.” He hadn’t planned this, he just happened to be incredibly meticulous in taking notes and pictures and documented absolutely everything.
He proceeded to lay out the facts—that we were not culpable—with complete disregard for retribution from our very vengeful boss. It was quite glorious to see someone so haughty and pious get brought down so beautifully by a low-level engineer and his meticulous note and picture taking. Never seen anything quite like it.
10. Thank You, Next
I was in a McDonald’s during a lunch rush. A guy walked in and tried to rob the place. The manager’s response made me want to clap. The man told the dude he didn’t have time for this and just took the next person’s order. The place was packed and the would-be villain just left empty handed and completely ignored.
11. When It Rains, It Pours
I was on an internship that was a train wreck, partly because I started later than some of the other interns. Turns out our main office space would flood when it rained. I came in to find the lobby and office with an inch of standing water on the floor. One of the other interns walked in, looked at all the water, sighed, sloshed over to his computer, sat down, and started working. Dude barely seemed to notice—he’d obviously done it before.
12. Tank Boy
I used to be a manager at Pet Co, and we had this fish tank that was very old. It was original to the store and was basically held together with Band-Aids and good intentions. We kept requesting it be replaced since we were putting more money into it than it was worth at this point. Yet corporate kept saying no because the new tanks cost well over $1,000 and they would rather chuck out a few hundred every month or so instead.
Well, we hired this young punk kid to be our aquatic specialist. He was bright but did not have a good background. I don’t know how he got hired on, and he was a touch above worthless on a good day. On his first day, I jokingly said if he can come up with a way to break this tank, I would much appreciate it. I had no idea about his ingenious plan.
Within two weeks, he broke the tank and showed me how he broke it so it would look like an accident. The silicone had been cut in a way that it would leak badly without it being able to be fixed. He didn’t even hesitate about doing it, and didn’t even seem remorseful or anything. Within a month we had a new tank.
13. Burn it Down
I used to live in the middle of a red light district, and I once came home late at night to see a big woman in a classy bright red dress and stilettos standing on top of a car and smashing it with a hammer, cursing all the while. All I could think was how in the heck did she manage to keep her balance on huge stiletto heels like that.
14. For Better or for Worse
My mom and her sister never really had a great relationship, but one thing really stands out. My aunt cycled through boyfriends pretty quickly. She was one of those people who, after spending a couple of weeks with someone, was convinced they’d be together for the rest of their lives—only to feel the same about someone else a couple of months later.
At 26, she’d already been divorced once after a rushed marriage and was engaged again to a guy she’d known for less than half a year and had only been dating for three months. Other people in the family were trying to find subtle, tactful ways to hint to her that they thought she was moving too fast and he wasn’t a great match for her, but my mom ran out of tact a while ago.
A family dinner went down like this: Aunt (to mom): “The bridesmaids are wearing purple, so your dress needs to…” Mom: “Oh, I’m not going.” Aunt: “WHAT?!” Mom: “I’m busy that day. Don’t worry, I’ll come to your next wedding instead.” They didn’t talk again until after the next divorce. Mom did indeed go to her next wedding instead.
15. Class Is in Session
When I was about 16, I suggested to my history class that we all take our chairs and move them to other side of the desks and face the back of the class as a joke. We did so, and our teacher walked in and just looked at us, grabbed his books from his desk, moved to the back of the class, and started the lesson. No one said a word about the change and he acted like he didn’t even notice. He was amazing.
16. Friends in Higher Places
My boss’ girlfriend works in the company. One time she was in my section just complaining about something to my manager, who was silently working. Getting no answer, she asks him: “Are you ignoring me?” To which he promptly replies: “Yes, I am.”
17. Silent Slayer
I teach pre-kindergarten at a public school. My students are four and five years old. Last year, I had a rule that no more than three kids could be at an activity table at a given time. When we rotated tables, I would call on the kids who were sitting quietly to pick their tables first, as a reward for their good behavior.
I had two kids sitting next to each other: James, who was sitting quietly waiting to be called on, and Allison, who kept loudly and rather obnoxiously announcing that she wanted to go to the sensory table, which I had just stocked with new toys. Two kids had already chosen to go there, so there was only one spot left.
I called on James first. He walked up to the center chart and I asked him where he wanted to go. He looked at the center chart, then at Allison, then at the center chart, then back at Allison, and while staring straight at her, jammed his finger at the sensory table. While he was walking away, I said, “Wow, James, that’s cold man.” But I don’t think he heard me over Allison’s screaming.
18. Going Commando
My mom, grandma, and great-grandma were walking down the main street of a town when my great-grandma’s underwear fell down from underneath her dress. She stepped out of them like nothing happened and kept strolling down the street. Grandma quickly snatched up the underwear and shoved them in her handbag so nobody would see.
19. Cutting Her off
My mom and I didn’t get along growing up, partly due to her alcohol dependency. We solely relied on welfare and then I became the main income provider at 15 through part-time jobs, before moving out on my own at 16. It was the same argument every day: I would bank transfer the rental and utility payments, but refused to hand over cash because she’d spend it on liquor.
She began throwing objects and flipping out, and eventually said, “Fine, if you don’t care about money, why don’t you just cut up my credit cards?” in a baiting sort of way. She handed me scissors and two credit cards. I just stared at them blankly and, being a jerk teenager, cut them up. She absolutely lost it. But that’s not the best part.
My brother lazily looked over at the scissors she handed me and said, “What exactly did you expect?”
20. I Did My Time
Senior year of high school, after AP season, this kid walked in every day with nothing but a pillow and a quart-sized bottle of iced tea. Not only did she not care, but the teachers also didn’t.
21. Making Light of the Situation
My parents owned an automotive garage. One day, a guy comes in and says his headlights don’t work and it’s the switch. Dad checks it out and it isn’t the switch. The dude has four blown headlights. When the guy picked up the car, dad explains he just needed new headlamps, not a switch. Dude thanks him, pays and leaves. But that wasn’t the end.
He comes back a little later complaining that dad didn’t do what he asked and he was ripped off. Dad explained again that it wasn’t his problem, but he persisted. They don’t want a fight, so my mom gave him his money back, but told him she needed to get the lights back. Dude says “Nah,” but he’ll come back. My mother is having none of that.
In the moment, she walks out and smashes all the lights with a hammer. She comes back in and sits down as the guy is yelling about calling the authorities. So mom dials 9-1-1 and hands him the phone. Officers show up and they tell him he got his money back, so the lights were mom’s property to do with as she pleased. It was so beautiful.
22. How’s That for Customer Service
At my first job, a co-worker and I both came to work the 3-9 shift. After clocking in and assuming our positions at the register, she casually said, “Ugh, I really don’t wanna be here today.” I sighed and said, “Yeah, me neither.” We stood in silence for a minute, and then she walked back to the manager’s office, punched out, grabbed her purse, and walked out the door.
The manager came out a minute later and asked me “Did she just leave?!” Not a word to anyone, and we never saw her again.
23. Breaking the Bank
I worked for a company that went public after operating as a private company for 18 years. Four months after going public, our company was caught fabricating the financial statements for our quarterly reports. This put an extremely large strain on our accounting department, and they were required to work overtime to try and “fix” the corruption.
Well, the accountants started complaining that they were spending less time with their families, so the CEO held an emergency meeting. In that meeting, he told the accounting department that all departments are working hard and if anyone is unhappy, they can leave. He got what was coming to him.
The entire accounting department of 14 employees got up and left. It was super awkward. About two months later, the CEO stepped down and then the company was sold to a competitor for next to nothing.
24. I’m a Cool Mom
I was in line at the grocery store a few years ago. Ahead of me was a mother with her daughter who was about five years old. The little girl had a lollipop that was in her mouth most of the time…until she pulled it out to ask her mom something and promptly dropped it. Before anyone could say anything, she’d swooped it back up and popped it back in her mouth.
The cashier looked disgusted. Mom just shrugged and said, “She’s eaten worse,” and continued the transaction.
25. Lego My Lecture
I had an entry-level programming class in college where a few students came in with multiple boxes of frozen waffles and a toaster. They just plugged it in at the side of the class and started passing out plates of waffles. The professor eventually noticed, asked if they were making waffles, which they confirmed. He chuckled, and kept right on from where he left off.
26. The Bare Minimum
I worked in a movie theater, and an older man came to the box office to complain and ask for a refund for his movie one day. I don’t remember the reason, but he was furious and disgusted by the film, cursing under his breath. My co-worker gave him a refund, but the gentlemen still wasn’t satisfied. He said, “I need to talk to your manager.”
So my co-worker calls the manager. The man buffs and puffs as he waits, looks at my co-worker and then says, “Aren’t you even going to ask me why I’m upset?” My co-worker looks him right in the eye. The he says something absolutely brutal. “I make minimum wage, they don’t pay me to care, they pay me to sell tickets.”
This man exploded, and the manager had to diffuse the situation. My co-worker was only given a slap on the wrist. That guy never really did care.
27. Do as You’re Told
In ninth grade, one of my teachers said, “If you don’t want to learn, then get up and leave” to the whole class. Well, this kid actually gets up and leaves the classroom. It took a few minutes for the teacher to notice while we all quietly laughed. When she did notice, she sent someone to get the kid, which took about 10 more minutes.
When they do get back, the guy is super chill. The teacher is so in shock that she can barely scold him. Kid just shrugs and goes, “You said we could leave.” He then proceeds to sit back down and act like nothing happened. He just didn’t care at all about what the teacher was telling him afterwards. Or apparently before.
28. Food Fight
This girl I went to high school with had some food issues. We had some teachers who would watch us during lunch time to make sure no one left or caused any major trouble. This one English teacher used to constantly ask this girl if she ate—she very rarely did—and would lecture her on how unhealthy she was being, etc.
One day after a particular “I’ll call your parents, you’re only hurting yourself” talk that everyone could hear, this girl picked up her sandwich and quietly ate it, then proceeded to walk over to the trash can, shoved her fingers down her throat, and vomited…all while looking this awful teacher directly in the eye.
29. Those Who Can’t Do, Delegate
I used to work at a bakery and was constantly berated by my manager. She would give all the tasks she didn’t want to do to me, so I was literally doing her job for her while getting paid a little over half her wage. She had been there for five years and no one recognized her as a poor worker because I made her look so good.
One day, I wasn’t feeling great and she tried to hand me a thick stack of orders to double check, confirm, and file (which was strictly her job) while I was already in the middle of something. So I didn’t say a single thing. She stood there awkwardly for a minute before putting them down next to me, saying “thanks,” and walking away.
I was the closing leader that night, and never touched the stack. The next day, she’s reamed out by the district manager for not only not doing her job, but also leaving crucial customer info (credit card numbers and the like) out in plain view. Kept her job, but her mascara was runny as heck for the next few days. Taught her a lesson.
30. Man of Steel
I was in a Jiu-Jitsu match against a guy who was notorious for not tapping out. I bent his arm in five different ways that an arm should not bend. I even had him in an arm-bar with his arm bent 20 degrees backwards while I was hanging upside down from his neck like a giant necklace. His ELBOW POPPED and he STILL wouldn’t tap out! I ended up tearing his foot out of the socket before he finally tapped.
31. Over It and Her
It was Friday evening and I had plans to meet a friend at a pub. Said pub was owned by another friend of mine and was quite popular in the area. I had been divorced for about a month by this point and I was single and ready to mingle. When I walked into the bar, I saw a horrific sight. I immediately noticed my ex-wife sitting there.
I decided that I would leave her be. She was with another guy, so I presume she was on a date. Honestly, it was good she was dating someone else, because it means she’d have her mind on him and not me. I sat down with my buddy, and about five minutes into me being there, my ex-wife came over and started making a scene.
I knew what was coming. She started berating me. I was just snipping on my beer as she was going off on me very loudly, with everyone in the whole bar watching us. After she finished, she said “Aren’t you going say anything?” I looked at the bar owner, and he said “Want me to kick her out?” I said “Please” and he had two staff members escort her to the door.
32. Cute and Comfy
My aunt disapproved of her nephew’s upcoming wedding, and vocalized this numerous times, since they were only getting married because the girl was pregnant. So my aunt ended up going to the wedding wearing pajamas. They got divorced like six months later.
33. Gone Fishin’
I was studying overseas and my parents booked a trip to come out at the end of the school term, bringing along my two siblings. It was a month-long trip, with lots of pre-paid flights, trains, and hotels, plus it would likely be the last big trip we all took together. Obviously, both my parents requested and secured approved PTO months in advance.
It was the month of June—a typical summer vacation. Well, a couple of days before the trip, my mom’s boss hands her an assignment. Mom hands it back, saying she can’t take it on as she has a month-long vacation that’s about to start. Boss says, oh yeah, sorry, you can’t take vacation anymore. My mom responds to say that if you cancel her PTO, she’ll quit.
Boss gave her a blank stare. Mom handed in her notice and left. We had an amazing trip. She got a new job on return.
34. Say That to My Stick
A buddy of mine back in high school was a scrawny little white kid. One day, his sister had her “biker” boyfriend and two of his friends over. We were going to go to his place and play some video games, and I guess the boyfriend was being a jerk and muttered something under his breath about us when we were walking by.
My buddy, this 13-year-old kid, went to his backyard into the shed, grabbed what looked like a 2×4, and just went to town on three grown men. They went running down the street and he fully chased them. I don’t see him as much anymore, but we try to catch up once a year and it’s a story we always laugh about to this day.
35. Shortcut to Success
At a company I used to work at, we had a super helpful guy in charge of stores and logistics. He was totally undervalued for what he did above and beyond his role, and management treated him absolutely terribly. He frequently got told by management to stop taking shortcuts through the showroom to get between his work area and the offices, and instead take the long way around.
He ended up getting himself a better job with another company and a few days before he left, I was in the showroom with the company director and a salesman helping to demonstrate a piece of equipment. This guy does nothing more than strut through the showroom, farting loudly and profusely as he went, not caring at all.
36. Technical Difficulties
I had a manager who pulled the entire department into a meeting. This manager was well-known for being “underqualified” for his position and usually had absolutely no idea what the heck he was talking about, which was hilarious. Meeting starts up, and he said our group would be a part of a livestream effort with several other departments in the company.
I would love to give you more details, but the hour-long meeting was composed of this manager desperately trying to get the livestream to work and refusing to ask for any help. Occasionally, he would stop and talk nonsense—like literally, “So how’s work been going? Chat amongst yourselves…”—then he’d get right back at it.
One of our senior staff members, who is usually very quiet, got up out of his seat after 40 minutes and said, “Darn man, this is embarrassing.” He then left. It was perfect.
37. Au Naturel
I was doing one of those meet-up hikes. I’ve done them many times before and have a good rapport with the people who usually go. My friend Tami was there and she told me she was walking behind another woman when Tami noticed the woman was bleeding down her leg. Tami, reasonably concerned, thinks the woman may have cut herself with a rock by accident and so brings it to her attention.
The woman turns around and says, “It’s okay, I’m actually on my period.” My poor friend is like HORRIFIED. But this woman kept on with the 8-mile hike like a pro. I was like, DARN.
38. No, YOU’RE Dismissed
I was once getting fired from a really bad job by a really bad boss. I knew he was going to fire me after I finished the project because the moron actually hinted at it in a conversation with his superior when he thought I couldn’t hear. So he calls me into a room, and as he was about to start his monologue, my phone rang.
I excused myself without waiting for an answer and left the room to answer the call. It was a company I had previously had an interview with offering me the position. I accepted, got back in the office, and dealt him the most satisfying blow. When I entered the room, I could see he was almost foaming. He was really expecting to destroy my soul by dismissing me from the job.
So we go in the room again and when he opens his mouth, I just stop him and say, “I know what you’re doing, could we make it quick? I have a really important meeting and I don’t want to be late.” He just threw the paper at me and left.
39. The Sun God
I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast when the Operations Officer walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he’s still half asleep, bleary-eyed… basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. The morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes, putting a big bright circle of light right on his barely conscious face.
He’s squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It’s painful to watch. But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I’m-still-totally-asleep voice, he says “Heeeey. It’s me. Could you…shift our barpat…yeah, one six five. Thanks.” And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.
And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie’s face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment, it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I’ve just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship, he’s changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face.
He’s literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe. He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I’m terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness.
But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.
40. Cool Story, Bro
When I came out as gay, I decided to come out to each of my siblings individually. By the time I got to my younger brother, he just said “cool” and went back to what he was doing. Like most of my family, he’s very religious, but in that moment, he didn’t feel like he had to remind me of my “sins” like some of my family did.
41. Off the Deep End
I was a lifeguard for a long time in a very nice area with rich, privileged kids and parents. Starting wage was over $20 an hour, so pretty good paying job for the amount of work you do. Friday nights, we had some regular kids that had bad parents who just dumped them there every Friday. Some of the kids got along, but most didn’t and would antagonize each other.
The parents never cared and wouldn’t ever discipline them. Management also refused to ever ban these kids, even though every lifeguard and supervisor said it was a liability and the way these kids ran and did dangerous stuff was bound to end in a real injury. Well, this one kid in particular was a real piece of work.
One time, he was getting in a co-workers face and being rude as all heck. This particular co-worker is quite attractive, early 20s, and a fairly small frame. So this 10ish-year-old kid who wasn’t a small kid was basically the same size as her. After he ran his mouth at her to impress his friends, I kid you not he grabbed her by the breasts with both hands, squeezed, and loudly said “honk honk.”
Her response was legendary. This co-worker, we’ll call her Alison, decked this kid in the face and sent him plummeting into the ground. But this show is just getting started. I’m just standing there in shock. I start to walk over there in case this kid tries to hit her back, and she yells loudly “DON’T YOU EVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME OR ANY OTHER GIRL EVER AGAIN, YOU JERK.”
Unsurprisingly, this kid starts to cry. He proceeds to run away crying towards the change rooms. Slips, falls, and lands hard again. The rest of the kids are howling by this point with laughter. I’m still in awe of this 110-pound girl decking a boy the same size as her and then calling him out publicly on assaulting her.
Well, once in a while this jerk’s dad comes in for a swim. When he was around, we would inform him of his son breaking rules. He would always ignore us or blame the other kids and say his son is innocent. It just so happens kid’s dad is in the hot tub this fateful night. He gets up and marches over to Alison and myself, since I was now standing beside her.
He is definitely a bigger guy than me and looks kind of tough, but he is older and a bit portly, and I figured he would just chew us out for striking his son and make threats till the authorities arrived. Nope. This jackoff grabs Alison by the arm and starts reprimanding her like she is a child. As soon as he grabs her, I move to stop him because you just don’t grab a girl like that, no matter what.
Well I’ll have you know I was too slow to intervene, because it turns out Alison didn’t need my help at all. She kicked this dude square in the nuts, then as he starts to stagger and slump, she slaps him hard across the face. The smack was so loud and audible it rang through my ears. Oh, and now the entire pool is watching, easily 40 to 50 people.
Alison then screams, “NOW WE KNOW WHERE YOUR SON LEARNED TO ACCOST WOMEN.” Alison then turns, goes and sits down in the small first aid room that has a phone for emergencies, and locks the door. She hops on the phone to ring the authorities. This room has full view of the pool, and she just was cool as a cucumber.
Throughout this entire time, this guy is still holding his nuts and is starting to scream for someone to call the authorities. He starts yelling in my face, threatening with a lawsuit and says I’ll lose my job—yeah, good luck with that. It was a good thing the other regulars were around, because they started trying to de-escalate the situation.
So the officers show up really quickly while he is still raging and basically foaming at the mouth. He starts yelling at them to “detain the lifeguards.” He doesn’t calm down, so THEN this guy gets Tasered, cuffed, and dragged away. It was so, so beautiful. Never saw the kid or the dad ever again.
42. Retail Therapy
I was standing in line in a shop. I had to return quite a big amount of clothes we had used for a photo shoot for my job, and since we often had a deal with this company, the cashier lady knew me. I was waiting when an old lady cut the line and blatantly got in front of me when it was my turn. Well, no one was having any of that.
The cashier politely asked the lady to step back, since it was my turn. I then put my pile of clothes on the counter, thinking everything was over. “Return, please,” I say. The cashier smiled “Of course!”…and took all the time in the world. She smiled at me and the old lady lost it, yelling, “I only had one item. This wouldn’t have taken long, and now I’m here wasting my time!”
So then the cashier went on and “accidentally” made a mistake, so she had to start over, all while smiling at me, and me smiling back since it was hilarious. I told the lady if she had asked nicely, it wouldn’t have been a problem to cut the line. She completely freaks out, starts yelling again and complaining about “the ungrateful youths.”
When I was done and it was the old lady’s turn, the cashier dealt the final blow. She said she really has to pee, left, and never came back. I love that girl.
43. Worker’s Revenge
I fractured my orbital socket in an industrial accident. Another employee lost focus at the wrong time—he was supposed to wait for a hand signal and didn’t. We had been working over 90 days straight of 13-14 hour shifts and living in a horrible motel that was a 45-minute drive from out work site. We were also supposed to be on a rotation were we didn’t work more than three weeks at a time. Basically, it was a perfect storm with horrible management, not his fault.
It was a close call and could have been a lot worse. I’m glad I “saw it coming” and had time to at least try and get out of the way. I got sent away after a night in the ER while the rest of that crew continued to work. After spending two or three days at home, my boss called to say that he “Needed me in Alaska” in two days and that my flight was already booked. Well, I told him “I quit” right on the spot.
44. Machine Learning
I was working at a precision machining factory. The guy who was training me kept arguing with the head engineer that the part he wanted was literally impossible to make, and no matter how much he described it, the head engineer was 1,000% positive he was wrong and it could be done after all. Well, he got a taste of his own medicine.
The trainer dude stops arguing with him, proceeds to spend the next three days setting up and custom-building the tooling to make the print exactly how the engineer wanted it. He finally gets it all set up, tells the engineer to come out to the shop and watch, and begins to run the machine. It completely crashes, breaks every tool, and basically ruins a 6-figure machine.
Trainer guy just hits the emergency stop button and walks outside for a break without saying a word.
45. Hunger Strike
One of my classmates always used to eat cottage cheese in class. Most teachers didn’t care because he wasn’t disturbing anyone, but my physics teacher always got really annoyed by people eating in this class. He’d always say “We eat outside of the classroom,” so most people just packed up their food to avoid getting in trouble and continued the lesson.
Well, my classmate didn’t care, so he said “fine,” packed up his stuff, left the classroom, and ate his cottage cheese in the hallway. My teacher didn’t know what the heck to do, so he just stood there in silence, watching him leave, until finally he continued the lesson without him.
46. The Bad Samaritan
I once watched a man walk up to an apartment building, hit the buzzer, then look up and realize there was smoke pouring out of multiple upstairs windows. Dude just shrugged, turned around, and took a drink from his big Styrofoam cup as he walked right by.
47. Only in the Big Apple
The first time I visited New York City, I flew into JFK. My brother met me at the gate to make sure I didn’t get lost, and as we got out the main doors to cross the many lanes of traffic, we were greeted by mobs of angry people shouting and fighting. Taxi drivers were literally standing on their cars screaming while officers were there.
As it turned out, a taxi had hit and killed a man, and the authorities were trying to clean it up. If it hadn’t been for the officers, the cabbies would have driven right over that poor person.
48. Rock on, I Guess
I went to Lollapalooza in 2009. On the first night, the Kings of Leon were playing. After a song or two, the lead singer very unenthusiastically says, “You might know the words to this next song. Sing along. Or don’t.” They then started playing “Sex is on Fire.” The man looked and acted like he’d rather have been anywhere else on Earth than headlining Lollapalooza.
49. Donut Mess With Me
The nurse-in charge at our emergency department has been working there for 20 years. Our hospital is in a rough area, so she’s seen it all. She has single-handedly tackled violent patients with superhuman strength. But one day, she outdid herself. This day, a disheveled guy came in to be treated for assault, to be detained after his discharge.
He was giving everyone heck all night, and he almost made his nurse cry. The nurse-in-charge called from the nurse’s station to cut that out. He called her a “miserable, old, fat witch.” The nurse-in-charge picked up a chocolate donut from the nurse’s station and without breaking eye contact, started slowly chewing it in front of him. Then she called the officers to pick him up.
50. Bridezilla, Meet Mia
This is one of my favorite “screw it” stories. I used to work at a country club. There was a girl, let’s call her Mia, who had worked there for three or four years before me. Mia was told she was to replace the wedding manger immediately when she started, but had YET to be given the job after all that time. She confided in me that she was done and ready to quit and this would be her last wedding.
I told her to do what was best for her. The country club hosted a lot of weddings and we would always rotate the girls who would take care of the bride and anything she needed. I did it four or five times and only had one bride who was slightly demanding, but poor Mia had the worst luck and always got the bridezillas.
Mia was one of the NICEST people I ever met, by the way. So I was in the lobby setting up for cocktail hour. The hall to my left had two doors, a closet and the bridal suite. Mia and the bride were in the hall and I heard the bride start yelling at Mia about water. They were standing in the hall so I watched the whole thing go down.
Bride: “I ASKED FOR COLD WATER! THIS WATER IS ROOM TEMPERATURE! CANT YOU DO THE ONE THING IM ASKING YOU TO DO?” Mia: “Ma’am you asked for a bowl of ice and a pitcher of room temperature water. You asked to put the ice in yourself. You didn’t want me to touch it.” Bride: “WATER IS COLD! EVEN ROOM TEMPERATURE WATER ISNT THAT WARM! IM THE BRIDE! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY! THAT IS WHY YOU ARE HERE ISNT!? TO SERVE ME!” The next part was so good, it’s unforgettable.
Mia: (smiles and clears her throat) “Ma’am, I have gotten you water three times now I’m sorry it is not to your liking, but you know what’s not to my liking? YOU, YOU FREAKING JERK! YOUR DRESS IS HIDEOUS! YOUR WEDDING IS HIDEOUS! PURPLE AND PALE GREEN!? WHAT ARE YOU?! BARNEY?! YOU LOOK LIKE BARNEY IN THAT DRESS!! SCREW YOU! I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE, I DON’T NEED THIS FROM YOU BARNEY!”
She then storms to the office, hands over her name tag and fob, and leaves the bride in tears. Mia works at a college in North Carolina now. I miss her.