We’ve all heard of neighbor Karens, mall Karens, and mom Karens—but they’ve got nothing on these military wives. These Karens are their own special breed. Some have an unearned sense of entitlement, while others have a treasure trove of dark secrets they hide from their spouses. Sit down, strap in, and prepare to get enraged at their ridiculous antics.
1. Crazy For Love
I used to be in the Marines. One day, I got a phone call telling me that an officer's wife was in the hospital. The situation was apparently really bad.
Someone had broken into her house on the base. She was nine months pregnant and had been attacked so badly that she was rushed to the hospital. It was so bad that she lost the baby. I was pretty shaken up and went to the hospital with a bunch of the other officers to check up on her. I had no idea what I was getting into though.
I got to the hospital and one of the nurses gave me a strange look and said, "I can't wait to see how this unfolds". I was totally confused—but soon it would all make sense. The wife had an ultrasound and a blood test when she was admitted. That's when we found out the insane truth.
She wasn't pregnant, wasn't attacked. Her "due" date was tomorrow, and turns out she'd been pretending to be pregnant the entire time. She beat herself up and made up this huge dramatic story to cover up her lie about her pregnancy to her husband.
You won't believe this, but three months later, the same Marine got back together with his wife - even after all the crazy she pulled.
2. Not A Good Enough Reason
I once stopped the same woman three times for speeding in a school area. I let her go without a ticket the first two times, but on the third time, she started crying. She said her husband was away on military duty. I let her cry for a bit while I jotted down notes.
It felt like a scene out of Hot Fuzz. Finally, I asked her how her husband's deployment had anything to do with her driving fast in a school zone. She looked at me in disbelief and then went silent. I gave her the ticket and walked away without saying a word.
3. Mine, All Mine
I'm no soldier, but my brother was. We lost him in 2011 and his funeral was a total mess. His wife gave my mom a hard time and had us all stuck at the back, claiming she deserved priority. For eight long years, she's been hounding news channels and government bodies, asking for more freebies as a gold star widowed wife.
By now, she's bagged two houses, cash worth six figures, and several TV shout-outs. And get this: she knew my bro for just two years, and they were hardly together from their first meet-up till his death. She just pretends his family doesn't exist and stomps on our efforts to get a look-in.
She's lost all support from other gold star wives and makes it a point to put down other fallen heroes. The last word my bro had to say about her, about two weeks before his death, was that he'd be ditching her as soon as he hit American soil, because she was just "an absolute nightmare”.
4. Not Sticking Around
I used to work as a gate guard in Washington DC. Once, this officer's spouse drives by, hands me her ID, and I let her through. She hangs around, though, asking if I missed something. Confused, I replied that I didn't think so. When she told me what she meant, I almost laughed in her face: She claimed I failed to salute. She pointed to this blue sticker on her car's windshield - a sign that I should salute the officer.
Here's where it gets more hilarious. I leaned closer to the windshield and saluted the darn sticker, wishing it a sweet afternoon. End result? I no longer work as a gate guard.
5. Learning A Lot Of New Things Today
My buddy came back home a whole day earlier than planned from a year-long gig. The shocker was he found his wife cozying up with some other dude on their couch. As if that wasn't enough, he pops into the bedroom and bam! A baby. Not his and definitely not the couch guy's. One more man in the mix that the missus conveniently forgot to mention.
6. Playing The Long Game
My Sergeant's wife wasn't yet a U.S. citizen. She got into some hot water for selling drinks to a kid undercover cop while we were deployed. My Sergeant and our team had to deal with the mess, trying to stop her from being deported back to Mexico due to her charges and overstayed work visa.
Though after a tough fight, they won. She was allowed to stay and become a citizen. Fast forward two months, we find out her 'brother' is actually her boyfriend, and the Sergeant’s daughter has been calling her real dad, "uncle."
Turns out, her family knew all along that the girl's real dad was the boyfriend, who was also in the country illegally. They stayed quiet so that the girl would be claimed by my Sergeant, establishing her U.S. citizenship and helping the wife towards the same. Essentially, they used a Marine to achieve their own citizenship goals.
I'm not saying they schemed all this from the start, but they certainly didn't resist the chance when it came. In my eyes, they're all pretty low for this. I hope the little girl never finds out the twisted truth. As for my Sergeant, he's still in denial about the whole thing, believing his wife merely cheated.
He forgave her and they're still together eight years on.
7. You Get What You Give
So this dude's wife ups and leaves him for another guy while he's out on deployment. Just to add salt to the wound, she gets pregnant. Now, as they're not officially separated, she's still rolling into the base for all her medical needs. She’s about to pop and heads on the base to deliver the kid, since she's still technically his wife. The plot twist? Our man had planned out his revenge.
The soon-to-be ex-hubby asked his pals working in the base security to flag her new man's profile. Her boyfriend couldn't attend his own kid's birth because the base was off-limits for him. Better than he deserved, to be honest.
8. I’ve Got A New Family Now
This guy returned from a year-plus stint in Iraq to find his wife shacked up with another guy in their house. And this ain't just any guy, it's some other dude who works with him but didn't get deployed. Already a bad day. But wait, it gets worse: His young kids are now calling the new guy 'dad'.
Once he steps in, his wife doesn't beat around the bush. She's like, "I want out. I'm with him now." Can you get any colder?
The husband had every right to grab the kids and chuck the wife out, but he didn't.
9. Whine And Dine
I used to have a job at the post office in Italy. It was a trip with all these women coming in, all fired up, bragging about their husbands being a Captain or General or whatever. They'd seriously demand that I let them ship wine to their pals in the US. Like I'm gonna risk breaking federal law just 'cause their hubbies are among the many Captains stationed here.
Each time I'd tell them it's against the law, they'd get even louder. This sort of thing would happen a couple of times every week. Man, I couldn't wait to leave Italy.
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10. Top Notch Security Measures
So, one night when I was on duty at work, my ex thought I was messing around behind her back, even though I wasn't. Out of the blue, she texted saying she was gonna crash at the barracks with some random soldier. Honestly, I was so over our relationship, I just ignored her text.
It hilariously blew up in her face. She showed up at the barracks and couldn't even get in! She tried to use her dependent ID to check in, but failed since she didn't even know who she was supposed to visit.
11. Mismatched From The Start
Let me tell you about this guy, Niles, a junior Marine who didn't exactly win any awards for his work ethic. A heavy smoker, he constantly flunked his annual fitness tests and struggled to keep up, both physically and mentally. He lived off-base with his wife, who accepted his marriage proposal even as she was throwing up.
Despite his shortcomings, Niles often invited his fellow Marines to his apartment for weekend hangouts. I usually skipped these gatherings because, as his team leader, I was pretty tough on him during the week.
From what I heard, each get-together at Niles' place followed pretty much the same script. Everyone would start drinking, including Niles, who inevitably ended up passed out. Then his wife would pick a few guys from the remaining crowd and... well, things would take a sordid turn. It just goes to show, not all Marine infantry members are high-caliber folks.
12. Too Much Power In One Woman
So here's the story, right? This Air Force buddy of mine was deployed to Iraq for nearly half a year. Before he left, he gave his wife all his legal powers, a so-called "general power of attorney". But the thing is, while he's off serving the country, she starts fooling around with another dude from our shop. She didn't stop there though - she used her legal power to divorce him, keep him from seeing his kids, and she even cleaned out his bank account.
Next thing you know, she's shacked up with her new dude and his buddy off base. Funny thing is, both these guys got nabbed for trying to cash a dodgy check that belonged to her new guy's roommate. In the end, my buddy gets full custody of his kids and the lovebird from our shop got booted from the Air Force.
Now, my buddy did nothing wrong except love his kids and fulfill his duty to his country. Yet this woman did everything she could to ruin his life.
Here's the takeaway - never give anyone general power of attorney. Doesn't matter how much you trust them or how much they claim to love you. It's a no-go. If need be, go for a limited power of attorney, where they only have control over the specific things you are okay with.
13. A Case Of Mistaken Identity
When my wife and I first settled down at the base, we had this super outgoing neighbor. She told us she was battling cancer, so her brother was staying to help her out. We didn't think much of it. After a couple of months, they decided to move off the base. It didn't seem strange.
Skip a few months, I'm clearing the driveway when a guy from next door comes over to chat. I greet him, thinking he's new in town, but nope. He's been living there for years. I was taken aback and asked about the lady who recently moved out. Then, I got hit with the bombshell.
Turns out, that lady was his wife, and the "brother" was her secret boyfriend. She didn't have cancer and had blown all his cash on Farmville before they packed up and left with everything they had.
14. That’s A No-No
I noticed a fresh recruit minus a belt. I asked, "Why no belt?" He said he's low on cash, so I gave him five bucks to go buy one. Weeks later, I bump into him cleaning tables at Ruby Tuesday. Asking around, I found out his wife was growing weed at the base home and he got booted from the Army. Dude swears he had no clue about her illicit gardening.
15. The Math Doesn’t Add Up
Just got home from an eight-month tour. So did my buddy...whose wife was six months pregnant...
16. V For Vendetta
I had a buddy in the squad. His girl blamed her old flame -- also a soldier -- for an attack she made up. She even stabbed a mattress to frame him. He lost weeks of his life behind bars while clearing his name. And her reaction to being found out? She only upped her crazy game.
One night, she palmed the baby off on a friend to watch a movie. My squad mate, finding his kid gone when he checked in, raised the alarm. That kick-started Alaska's first-ever amber alert. After the dust settled, she tried to frame her ex AGAIN out of spite, even though she knew the real deal.
You gotta feel for the guy, being hauled in by the cops over this. They quickly ruled him out and found the baby safe and sound in no time.
17. Unloading On Her
So, I gotta say, most of the spouses I've run into are pretty cool - like 99.9% of them. But man, the bad ones stick around in your head. This little gem of a story took place at camp just a bit ago. I spotted someone, looked like a spouse, hauling around boxes of what I guessed were girl scout cookies. She spotted me as I walked by.
Her: "Hey! Give me a hand!." Me: "Sorry but uh, who are you?" Her: "My husband is a gunny, and I told you to help me!" Me: "Hmm...actually, you don't really hold any power here. Your husband's rank doesn't matter at all.”
Her: "Excuse me?!?" Me: "I mean, you don't have control here. I don't care what rank your husband is?" Her: "Oh Marine, you sure you wanna test me?" Me: "Not really testing anything. Have a nice day”.
And I started to stroll away. Her: "I'm gonna tell your command how rude you were!" Me: "Go ahead. And while you're at it, tell 'em I said you can go screw yourself too”. Her: "What?!?!" Me: "Just like I said, go screw yourself!" Got a bit of flack for swearing out loud, but nothing serious.
18. Winging It
I got to see one of my troops tie the knot. It was the usual military wedding...in that it happened smack in the middle of the day, at Wings 'n Things, right during the bride's lunch hour. The bride's mom, who owned that Wings 'n Things, was at work, but didn't come to see the show. Weird, but kinda cool.
19. Blink And You’ll Miss It
I was shipped back to the US from Germany. No biggie, I simply brought my German girlfriend here and we tied the knot shortly after. Boy, did that turn out to be a massive mistake. She flew back to Germany after only four days and I never laid eyes on her again. What a ride it was!
20. Not My Problem
So, this military wife was partying where she wasn't really supposed to on base. I can't remember if her husband was an officer or enlisted, but she was definitely in the wrong place. Afterwards, when she was driving home, she hit a guy who was lying in the middle of the road. Crazy as it sounds, this stuff happens on base, kind of like in college.
It took her like FOREVER to finally call 911 and when she did, she tried to play it off like she'd run over a bag of trash or something around 1 a.m. This was on a part of the base that was only living quarters. When the guy was brought to the hospital, he was making some seriously horrible noises. But, he survived and didn't lose any limbs. The wife, however, she got locked up for a hit-and-run.
Her husband found out about all this when he was serving overseas.
21. I Think I’m Staying
My granddad met my grandma in Germany while he was posted there. They tied the knot in Germany, then came back to America together. His family wasn't jazzed about the international love story - to the point where his mom tried to bribe him with a shiny new car if he'd marry an American girl.
Naturally, my grandma wasn't thrilled. To show she was here to stay, she decided on a second wedding in the States. She wasn't messing around - they stayed happily married for 55 years. And she's still living in the family home to this day, showing she really meant it when she said she wasn't going anywhere.
22. Ruin My Life, Why Don’t You
So, I got placed in Pensacola for a brief training gig. Young and naive, 21-year-old me started dating this local girl, even though I wasn't supposed to. She seemed great, saying she was into everything I was, even lying that she worked at FEMA cause I said I wanted to help people. When I got orders to move to New Mexico, she hinted at going along. Ignoring the warning signs, I said yes.
I rented a place off-base in New Mexico, against rules since I was supposed to live in dorms until I became a Senior Airman. Naturally, things went south, she changed completely, wasn't into the stuff she claimed to be, and had a constant bad mood. Soon my Captain found out and gave me an ultimatum - send her back or marry her. We got hitched.
These nine years of marriage were hellish. She refused to work, and I found out she had lied about her FEMA job. Her only work experience was from a trailer park as a receptionist. Right before our ninth anniversary, she convinced me to leave the service and move to Florida to take care of her grandpa. We reach there only to find out her grandpa is completely fine.
To make matters worse, I found out she was cheating on me. I kicked her out, and she moved in with her boyfriend. When I decided to move, she somehow got the news and wiped out my house. When I confronted her, she called the cops and made false accusations against me. I took a plea deal my lawyer recommended.
But here's the kicker: she was never legally my wife. All this while, she was officially hitched to some guy in Michigan. So effectively, I had spent almost a decade taking care of her, even though she made me miserable. Despite cheating on me and committing bigamy, she faced zero consequences. Both Florida and New Mexico declined to take any action.
23. Two Isn’t Better Than One
I once knew this couple from the military who'd completely shaved their kids' heads, even the girls. They chose names like Manson, Lewellyn, and even Satan for them. You see, they were into devil worship and often complained about facing prejudice because of their beliefs. But then their intention to 'offer' the 7th child to Satan got out somehow.
Next thing we knew, we had to call Child Protective Services. Their kids were removed from their custody immediately. The father was then locked up provisionally, pending court hearings. This guy tried pulling off some 'invisibility act' while attempting to steal pricey gadgets from the community schools. His wife then threatened to end her own life while pleading with me to help her husband get out.
It was depressing, mainly because she was genuinely ill. As for her husband, he was just a self-centered loser. Yet, together, they made quite the dysfunctional duo. And the kids, sadly, were just caught in the middle.
24. Be Careful What You Wish For
My buddy Robert wasn't exactly a looker, and he was a pretty lazy guy too. Most people put up with him because despite all that, he was a cool guy. Even more baffling was that he had a super attractive wife. Seeing them together always makes people do a double take - made me wonder what he was packing or if she was just the one non-shallow person I've met.
Robert was best buddies with a guy we'll call Greg. Greg was easily the more handsome one. After knocking back a few, Robert thought it'd be a fun idea to have Greg sleep with his wife, while he sat in the audience. And well, it happened.
This isn't a one-time thing, too. But one day his wife finishes her session with Greg and drops a bomb - she's done with Robert, she wants Greg. That shattered poor Robert. And how did this whole saga become public knowledge?
Because Robert waltzed right into our squadron and spilled his guts. I was just there to get some paperwork done, and he dishes out this whole story to everyone, ending with insistence that Greg gets punished.
Greg didn't get any disciplinary action, but he was told to cut it out. Doubt if that worked, though.
25. Cut And Run
My brother, an Air Force vet, came home from work one day to find his house a total mess, his wife's car missing, and worst of all their kid vanished. With no note in sight, he panicked, calling everyone he could think of for info, no luck. He told the cops his family, including the car, had been kidnapped.
Mid-police report, his wife finally calls. That's when she revealed what she'd done: She took the kids and left. She was leaving him, and to add insult to injury, she'd slapped a restraining order on him, having wrongly painted him as violent just to get custody. She gritted out her "sorry" later, but the damage was done. This shakeup hit my brother harder than his three Middle East tours ever did.
The restraining order got him in trouble with the boss, but the worst part was just how blindsided he was. But it wasn't over. They clashed in the legal battlefield next. Remember his frantic kidnapping report to the cops? His wife twisted that story to make it look like he was out to get her, and the court bought it!
Her lawyers, powered by her moneyed family, bulldozed his inept defender. She cleaned out his bank account, won their house, then kicked him out and sold it cheap. Through all this, my brother kept his head high, slowly rebuilding his life.
Now, retired after 20 years in service, he's rebuilding, keeping a strong bond with his son, and dealing with his ex's bouts of drama. His philosophy? "No matter how bad she gets, I've had worse". Despite the turbulence in his life, my brother's resilience shines. That's why he's my hero, and I've got nothing but respect and love for the dude.
26. All Downhill From Here
My buddy met a younger girl from Mexico in school, fell head over heels for her, and wanted to give her a better life. So, he got back into the Coast Guard, where he'd served before, giving him first dibs on his next placement. He'd already done a stint on a ship for years.
The training school took about five months. While he's at school, his girl joins the Coast Guard too but keeps it hush-hush. These two were from South Texas, so he jumped at a chance for a station in Galveston, close to both their families. But life had other plans, and she gets packed off to Oregon, landlocked. The closest they could get him to her is Seattle. Not ideal, but he took it to be close to his girl.
Just when they thought they had the pieces falling in place - she gets transferred to Seattle. All's well, right? Well, not quite. On graduation day, they change his orders, and he's whisked off to a polar ice breaker, set to go around the world for about seven months.
He's off the southern coast of South America when he hears she's been booted from the Coast Guard. The reason? Substances and an affair with a coworker. Now she's dancing at a club.
Did they miss any warning signs before tying the knot? Hard to say, but it didn't seem like it. My buddy's a good guy, and the whole situation went sideways fast. Crazy how things change, huh?
27. A Raw Deal
My buddy from the Army tied the knot with a woman he barely knew, then shipped out. Big no-no. While overseas, she kept hounding him for cash to spruce up the home for his return. When he finally got back, she was unexpectedly fuming and wondering when he'd head off again.
After days of arguing, the crazy truth came to light. Apparently, she'd expected him to kick the bucket while deployed. She confessed that she, her family, and even her secret boyfriend were banking on the payout. Funny thing is, as an Aircraft Tech, he never even left the base. After this bombshell, he kicked her to the curb, said they were splitting...and her response was to suggest her sister take her spot.
28. A Bad Apple
Well, I was in the Air National Guard for nearly a decade alongside a girl who enlisted when I did. In that time, before I quit, she'd gotten hitched and split up three times, and she wasn't even hitting 30 yet. I think her husbands were in the Marine, Navy, and Army, in that order.
Each time she'd say it was her guy's fault. Sorry lady. If you keep choosing bad apples and take a bite, you don't blame the apple.
29. A Little Too Forgiving
Okay, so there's this guy in my unit—we'll call him Warren. He was the most clueless guy I've ever met. And he was making us Marines look bad.
He got hitched before our first tour. Almost immediately, his wife sends him pics of her with another guy. And guess what? She got pregnant from one of these hookups. She figured out who the guy was and decided to move him into their house.
When Warren came back from deployment, he forgave her and let the guy stay. This lasted a few months until the guy got violent with Warren and they had to kick him out.
30. Men Can Be Karens Too
My husband and I tied the knot at 19 - pretty common in the military world. We knew each other inside out, after dating for several years in our hometown. Sure, he had a bit of a short fuse, but typical for a guy his age. Things started to spin out of control when I got deployed not long after we got hitched.
Some drama queen on the base started a rumor that I was playing the field - totally false. My husband fell hard into substance abuse, turned our home into a wreck, and blew through my savings from deployment. He then bailed, leaving my dogs behind to wreck the house even more. I had to shell out a ton to get them back from the local humane society.
Meanwhile, he was off-base playing house with some local girl until I got back. They had a baby, and then he started tailing and threatening me. Long story short, we called it quits. To add to the fun, his mom turned into a psycho and hassled me for years afterward. All in all, quite the experience, maybe a 4/10.
31. It’s A Long Way Down
Back in 2010, our Navy's F-18 squadron was deployed. Couple of months in, the female night shift supervisor for powerplants starts hooking up with a guy from maintenance. They were teammates and both married, but didn't even try to keep it on the down low. Night shift was chaotic due to their antics.
Every night, powerplants and maintenance started having an issue. It slowed down work and mistakes happened due to bad communication and messed up command chain. This messed up our day job, the flight programs, practices, and even the whole mission.
Folks tried reporting this through every route, but nothing happened. It took a whole list of people writing to the Inspector General for an investigation to begin. The investigation team showed up and started questioning everyone. People didn't hold back, they were really fed up with those two. During the process, the team went to check on the woman in her room. But they were in for a huge surprise: She was caught with ANOTHER dude from maintenance who was ALSO married. Apparently, it was a messed up love triangle and they were all in it together.
The woman got demoted, same with the first Chief who fortunately, was eligible for early retirement. The second guy wasn't so lucky, he got demoted too and had to head back to the fleet. But the drama isn't even over. The woman, now restricted, found a way to use Facebook. She started sharing pity posts and messaged folks in the squadron. No one liked her anyway, so they reported her again.
Another investigation started and it turned out she was messing around with the guy managing the restricted quarters. She was demoted again and got stricter punishments, losing more pay and getting more restrictions. She was kicked out eventually, walked off with the nickname "Rings and Rank". Personally, I still don't get it. She wasn't even attractive and was pretty overweight.
32. Plot Twist
So, this is a tale from 2004, just after we returned from invading Iraq. We landed in Bangor, Maine, and some good folks had given us donated cell phones so we could call our families and let them know we were almost home. One Sergeant dialed up his wife. You'd think, since everything had been smooth during his deployment, he was home free. But, nah.
Suddenly, we heard a torrent of foul language that only a soldier could let loose. That phone got chucked like a long bomb across the airport. Turns out, his wife had chosen that exact moment, just hours before his homecoming after a year in the battlefield, to drop the divorce bomb. She'd drained his bank account, leaving him in the red, and all his stuff was left in trash bags inside his unlocked truck parked at the barracks.
The guy got remarried in just two months. Honestly, no one came out looking good in this story.
33. Don’t Be Like Andy
It's not too often I get to tell this tale, but hear ye hear ye children. Today is the day I tell the parable of Andy and why you should really take advice. Andy and I both joined up to be nuclear propulsion plant technicians in the Navy in late 2012. Now, surprising fact about navy nukes—we're usually pretty awkward.
We come in all different flavors of awkward, not just the "this guy can't talk to people" type. Andy was one of those special types of awkward where he wouldn't stop talking to you. Andy had zero problems being social! However, he was a pretty short guy with a flair for the dramatic and had about as much impulse control as he did inches.
Andy's general routine was, as far as I could tell, hang around dating sites and try to hang out with anyone that had a woman in their friend group. This was back in 2013, so Tinder didn't exist in full force quite yet. Andy went out every weekend and tried his best. He failed, and failed, and failed again.
One weekend, about…oh, maybe eight months since basic training, Andy met this girl. We'll call her Becky. I didn't think anything of it at first. I was happy for him! We agreed to go on a double date with my at-the-time girlfriend (now wife). We all go out to some hookah bar in downtown Charleston. That's when I met Becky.
Becky was a fiery girl. She had about six inches in height on Andy and was...well, loud. Very loud. She talked a lot, cursed a lot, and had a long history of dating servicemen. In fact, the night before we all went out together, she broke up with her Marine boyfriend. My girlfriend and I thought it was a slip of the tongue when she said it.
Nope. She had just broken up with that guy to go on a date with Andy. That really is where it should've ended, but it didn't. Fast forward four weeks. Andy and Becky have been nigh inseparable and Andy decided that he wanted to get married. I tried to talk him out of it. So did his other friends. So did his Chief. So did the Master Chief in charge of that Chief.
It turns out though, guys, they can't stop you from marrying someone if you really want to. So Andy got married. He and Becky moved into on-base housing and...well, surprise surprise, things weren't great. There were a lot of arguments that continued to escalate in both volume and length.
Neighbors would call the base authorities to get them to settle down. Eventually, six weeks pass and I see Andy in the galley on base. "Andy, what are you doing here? You can go eat dinner at your house, man”. "Uh... I'm living back in the barracks”. "Huh? Why?" "Becky and I are getting divorced”. I wish this was the end of the story, but it turns out things were worse than I originally knew.
Remember how Andy was kind of short and scrawny and Becky...well, wasn't? Turns out, that's a great recipe for physical attacks when your spouse is already crazy. Becky would regularly hit him during arguments. She also cheated on him, with her cousin, during a trip to New York. Perhaps the worst part of it all was that because they were getting divorced in South Carolina, they needed to wait a year before they could actually file for divorce.
During that entire time, Andy had to provide for her as his spouse. He paid for that nice house on base that she just brought dudes over to constantly. She also destroyed that house before she left, which Andy was ultimately held responsible for. Andy spent 14 months in South Carolina getting divorced for about 10 weeks of getting laid. Don't be like Andy.
34. Welp, That Didn’t Last Long
I attended a friend's wedding while I was in the Marines; he was another Marine in my unit. I drove out two hours from base for the wedding. The wedding goes well. He finds the bride lighting up during the reception. Any other time it wouldn't be a big deal, but in the military, substances are a big no-no. Also, she had hidden it from him the entire relationship.
Best not to find out there are secrets being kept from you on your wedding day. This was all two months before a one-year deployment to Iraq. Needless to say, they were getting divorced before we made it back stateside.
35. Don’t Mess With Me Or Mine
This was back in the early 90s when my husband was stationed at Bragg. He goes over to a good friend’s house for drinking and cards. I stayed home with the kids because I couldn’t stand the friend’s wife. Turned out I was right, this woman proved herself to be a monster. So, my husband, his friend, his friend’s wife, and two of her friends are all sitting around drinking and playing cards.
The friend gets called in because they need a jumpmaster. He kind of knew it was coming so he wasn’t drinking at all that evening. My husband at this point has had a few too many and can’t drive home because we live a bit from Bragg. No problem, the friend tells him to hang out and sober up to drive, and off he goes.
My husband, the guy’s wife, and her friends continue to play cards, but now my husband is drinking coffee. A few hours later, one of the friends leaves, the other needs a ride home. My husband offers to drive since he’s pretty much sober now. Friend’s wife offers to drive with them, so that my husband isn’t alone with her friend, who is unmarried, and, according to wife, a little “loose”.
Right. Next morning, after I’m done yelling because he walked in the house at 5 am after leaving for a few beers at 7 pm the night before, he informs me of what happened and then tells me that one of the women told him “I know you’re married, but I’d love to lock you in a room for two hours”.
He refused to tell me which one said it, so I go to his friend’s wife, not thinking it’s her, and proceed to tell her what I’m going to do to her friend if I find out which one it is. It was six years later, after my husband got out, that I found out it was his friend’s wife. I also found out that she was sleeping with anyone in uniform the minute her husband was out the door.
No, my husband didn’t take her up on her offer, he just thanked her for the “compliment”. About five years ago he met up with that friend again, who had divorced the woman, and he told him what had happened. When my husband apologized for not letting the guy know, his friend told him not to worry about it.
Apparently, my husband was the only one of this guy’s friends to turn her down. I saw a lot of that stuff going on when we lived on Bragg and off, but this was the one time another dependent messed with my own family.
36. Always Hard To Get The Timing Right
While delivering our fourth baby at a military hospital, we were talking to one of the nurses about infidelity and crazy things she had witnessed. She told us about a woman coming in with her husband for a C-Section that was not scheduled. The woman insisted that she was scheduled for a C-section that day.
They did an ultrasound and found that she was three months pregnant, not nine months pregnant. Her reasoning was chilling. She was willing to deliver a baby six months early so it would appear the conception lined up with her husband’s mid-tour leave.
37. Be A Jerk For No Reason, Great Idea
I was on guard duty. An old Jeep Cherokee with an officer’s decal comes through. I come to attention and render the proper salute. This woman returns a two-handed salute, basically mocking me, my service, my country, and my etiquette. I figure that she’s an idiot, doesn’t know any better, etc.
A couple of days later, the same car with the wife and the active-duty husband comes through. I salute—and the reply made my blood boil. He too does the two-handed salute in return. Alright, whatever, be a jerk. A few hours later, as a chow relief, I’m on the gate when the same car comes through again. I just wave it through without saluting.
The car comes to a halt and the window rolls down. The officer asks why I didn’t render proper honors to a superior officer. I told him that I did not appreciate having my salutes getting mocked by him and his wife. I volunteered that I would be more than willing to go on report and submit my statement to his commanding officer as well as the base commander.
Then I saluted the blue decal and told them to move along, they were holding up traffic. From then on, whenever either of them came through the gate, I made it a point to slightly bend at the waist to salute the decal on the bumper. Just my little way to remind them that they were being jerks to someone who was just doing their job.
38. Not Up To Dress Code
I had a Sergeant in Korea marry a VERY trashy lady. It was so messed up seeing her at formal functions. All of us in Class As and her dressing like Peggy Bundy. Her "name" was Tiger.
39. Here For A Naughty Time
I was in the Officer Club in Okinawa around 2012 or so. In walk at least six women in racy, cut-off shorts versions of flight suits that were bright orange. I was pretty confused until my Marine friend told me that meant their husbands were deployed and they were looking for a good time. Apparently, it was an open secret.
40. A Nasty Surprise
I knew a guy who got home from sea a day early back when there was no email or phones to call home and let wives know they were in early. He found a different car in his driveway and someone else in his wife. He kicked his wife, undressed, out on the front lawn and then proceeded to beat seven levels of heck out of the guy.
He spent two months in Club Ed for assault but he said it was worth it.
41. Where There’s Smoke…
I was pretty naive and got maneuvered into a couple of bad situations. The weirdest was when I was out drinking with a colleague. He got very intoxicated, and, out of the blue started berating me for trying to sleep with his wife. I did not want to sleep with his wife, and was not trying to. Noped out of there.
But later that night, the wife showed up at my apartment, ostensibly to "apologize”.
42. There’s Bad Parenting, And Then There’s This
Air Force and Navy Veteran here, and I'm a Marine Wife. The worst thing I ever experienced was the passing of a beautiful five-month-old baby girl. The Sergeant and his wife were serious gamers. The wife also suffered from mental health issues. Both were weird and ignorant. Nothing prepared me for what they did.
The wife was tired of the baby crying and not sleeping. So, she propped a bottle on a pillow, used more pillows to cushion her, and left her in the master bedroom while she and the hubby gamed. The little girl suffocated. Neither parent checked on her for 12+ hours. They said they thought she was sleeping.
They found her, left her for several more hours, and made a failed attempt to resuscitate her while they were on the phone with 9-1-1. They're so stupid, the authorities shared with me that rigor mortis had already set in and it looked as if the baby had been gone more than 24 hours.
The parents went back to gaming because they wanted to finish their match or whatever. The mother showed zero remorse. However, she was completely fascinated with how popular she was becoming on social media. So much so that she was super giddy with her local fame and said her kid dying was worth the fame and GoFundMe.
The Marine was indifferent to the whole thing.
43. Both Sides Now
My brother-in-law married a woman he chatted to online for a few weeks when he was 19, then he had to go to Iraq. A month after he left, she told him that he got her pregnant. He comes home after six months, then she has the baby...the baby definitely is not his.
Fast forward 10 years. He's married to an awesome chick we all like. She works a job and takes care of everything around the house. He cheats on her with an 18-year-old girl who worked at Sonic. She catches him and leaves for a weekend to go stay with her sister to figure out what to do.
He puts all her stuff in cardboard boxes out under the carport and moves in the new girl.
44. Too Much Attention All At Once
I was at Officer Candidate School with an Army-hot blonde. She was a deployment 9/10 and everybody hit on her. She was drowning in attention, but it was all for naught because she was married to a green beret or something. Well, all that attention finally got to her and she started sleeping with the cadets.
About 3/4 of the way through the course she started to put on a little weight and it sure seemed like her belly was growing faster than the rest of her. About four weeks before graduation it came out that she was, in fact, pregnant with who knows baby. Not long after graduation, I heard that her marriage did not survive the encounter.
45. All For You
One of my friends in the Corps was a first-term sergeant who HATED every minute he was in uniform. However, he re-enlisted so his wife could go to school. Left for deployment after reenlistment, came back to a divorce and a drained bank account.
46. Sweeping It Under The Rug
I was stationed at Fort Knox, Kentucky in the late 80s. An officer’s child turned up missing. Darn near every solider on Ft. Knox was looking for this kid. We looked for days. The kid never turns up. I leave, and move on. Several years later I'm sent back to Fort Knox.
Out of the blue, a bunch of activity is happening at a park several miles away. It got heartbreaking in an instant. The little girl turned up, and it turns out that the man’s wife, the girl’s stepmom, offed the girl. But that’s not all. The soldier came home, found out, and hid the body in the park.
The whole case was solved because the older sister of the girl was starting to get worried she was next. Told a teacher who got the authorities involved. That is the worst I've heard of, over 20+ years in the Army.
47. Looking For A Fight
I got accosted by a military Karen at a Home Depot parking lot because I parked in “her” space. I parked in a Veterans spot at Home Depot. I am a veteran, I had my two toddlers with me, and the spot was next to a cart stall. As I am pulling my kids out of the car, this lady walks up to me and starts asking me questions.
Simple stuff, nothing out of the ordinary, but I had a bad feeling and leave my kids in the car to be safe. She then starts asking about my veteran status, which was weird, but again not bad. I told her “I’m a Sergeant” etc and tell her about my brigade. Her response floored me. “Well, my husband’s a Lieutenant Colonel, which means he’s a higher rank. So you should give me your spot”.
I was dumbfounded. I told her to pound sand, to which she wanted my information, rank, name etc. So I said, “Yeah sure, and I’ll make sure to give you the spot next time”. But that wasn’t the end of the story.
No joke, three days later, I get a call from my commanding officer. He puts me through to this woman’s husband. “I wanted to apologize for my spouse’s behavior the other day. I jokingly told her she could parade up and down the street ordering other men to do things, and I had no idea she would take it literally. I’m sorry this happened and I hope we can put this behind us”.
I accepted his apology, because up to this point, no Commanding Officer has ever apologized for their actions. Chillest Lieutenant Colonel ever.
48. Dependapotamus To The Rescue
I've been living in Japan for a little over two years with my husband. He was born here and we decided to move to his hometown. It's a small city, but there's enough to do without getting bored. I'd describe us as an AMWF couple (Asian man, white female for those who don't know). It's not so common in Western countries, and it can feel like we are some rare shiny Pokémon as AMWF in rural Japan.
Lots of staring, an occasional secret picture, or even small chats if an old lady is brave enough to approach us. It can feel uncomfortable eating at a restaurant because kids will turn around in their seats and stare at us the whole time with an open fish mouth. Coincidentally, there's a small US base located in this city. The closer you are downtown, the more American families you see.
I'm constantly mistaken for being in the armed forces by Americans and Japanese, which is understandable. Besides myself, I only know five other mixed marriages here. It's always locals who ask about my “American husband” when I'm out alone, which I respond in Japanese "Watashi no otto wa nihonjin desu. Koko ni sunde imasu" (My husband is Japanese and I live here) or something along those lines.
Americans never ask about my marriage as they assume my spouse is American. When we are together in public, we do abnormal couples behavior such as holding hands—honestly, this is abnormal, I’m not being sarcastic. Couples here rarely hold hands in public, let alone say “I love you”. We don't go downtown too often since it's all pay to park and it's a nightmare to find a place.
Anyway, it was a beautiful warm day for the first time in months, and we decided to battle for a spot and walk around the shops. The crowd was heavy since the weather was great and winter was ending. The season for new American families to move here just finished, so I'm sure this was many people's first time leisurely walking and shopping outside.
We find a parking spot and made our way to the outside shops. Of course, we are holding hands and casually talking and laughing. Then it begins. "WOW”. I hear this from an American woman about 10 feet behind us. You should know that a Japanese stereotype against Americans is that we are rude and obnoxiously loud.
And this “wow” was loud enough for me to turn my head around at the noise. She was with two other moms who had like, three kids each. They were staring at me, but perhaps we just accidentally had eye contact at the right time. "Seriously, another little homewrecker is doing this in PUBLIC?" Chill woman, you're so loud even I can hear you.
We find a table nearby at the Starbucks outside. We are enjoying our drinks when the same group of women approached us with their strollers in tow. They definitely had some sort of purpose with something to say to us. But the words out of her mouth shocked me. Let's call her Onna (woman in Japanese).
Onna: "Excuse me, but you need to keep whatever you're doing in your messed-up home. Doing that in public in front of families to see is disgusting and immoral. My kids don't need to see such a bad display of marriage”. I'm SO confused, as was my husband who can speak English. Who knew drinking coffee outside was against humanity and marriage? Then it became all too clear.
Me: "I'm sorry? What...did we do?" Onna: "You know exactly what you're doing”. *She points to my wedding ring* Me: "No, I don't...”. Onna: "Good lord, does your husband know about this? Is he on a ship right now? That's soooo like a dependapotamus!" Her friends laugh. In case you don't know the lingo, a dependapotamus is slang for a base wife who stays at home all day, doesn't clean, uses their spouse as an ATM, and looks like Jabba the Hut. At that moment, it dawns on me.
She thinks I'm a base spouse and I'm cheating on my American husband! I started laughing because she's suggesting I'm cheating on my husband…with my husband! Me: "This IS my spouse. I'm actually not part of the Armed Forces and have a Japanese visa”. Onna looks at my significant other up and down. The two women behind her apologize, but the Onna didn't believe it.
Onna: "No one would voluntarily WANT to live in this little town. Nice lie, but you're not representing our community. You make all of us wives look bad! Who is your husband and what's his rank? Also, I need to know your dependent ID. MY husband is a high rank so he'll make sure your husband is aware of your infidelity”. She pulls out her phone to probably type my response.
I'm offended since this is actually a nice place to live and very open to foreigners. Me: "Look, my husband's name is Rei (not his real name; I don't want to reveal personal info) and he's sitting right here. I'm not going to show you my ID since I don't have one, and you're not the authorities. As proof, you can obviously see our wedding bands match, and here's a picture”.
I show her my phone screen, which is of us in traditional Japanese clothes on our wedding day. Her eyes became huge at the picture. Her two friends and their spawn have already started walking away. Then it ratcheted up. Onna: "Why are you in a relationship with HIM? You should be in a normal relationship and start having a family with American kids”.
She says some other statements which I'd consider against the Asian race. It's so ironic because we are in JAPAN, and she's fussing about me being married to a Japanese man. My husband has been quiet throughout the whole exchange and says to me we should go. I agree and stood up.
Me: "STOP. The things you are saying are extremely offensive. I was part of the base community myself some years ago and what you're doing is against spousal conduct”. She smirked. "Go ahead and tell people what I did, then. My high-ranking husband is an E-7, and everything will be swept under the rug no matter what happens. You can't touch me”. So that's what I did.
Note, this is a small community. Someone does something minor and it's talked about between wives like chickens. So later that day, I run into my friend who works on the base and she's well known in the community for being one of the main event coordinators. I don't miss this chance to comply with Onna's demand and explain to my friend about the exchange and how it made my husband extremely uncomfortable with her remarks.
She asked me if this person looked like so and so, to which I said yes. My friend rolls her eyes. Friend: "She just arrived a couple of months ago and is already causing problems with rumors and drama. I'll make sure what she said is passed on”. It's been half a year later and I didn't hear anything about Onna again since I distanced myself from making base friends here.
I've only been in my new city for a little over two years and experienced more drama from those families than I have my whole high school career. That is, until now. Last week, I ran into my friend, who's getting ready to leave back to the United States.
We had a little discussion about her moving and my family planning, and then she dropped a bombshell. Friend: "Do you remember Onna, who accused you of cheating on your non-existent base spouse and called your husband an awful name?" Me: "Of course! I haven't heard anything from her since”.
Friend: "Well, I mentioned we were already having problems with her not long after she got here. I told my boss that there's a person who was bothering and threatening civilians and asking for IDs, which isn't allowed for someone with her status”.
“My boss was extremely interested after I mentioned her name because Onna was scheduled for an interview in my department! I suggested we look at her social media accounts from her past behavior, because we don't tolerate that stuff. It was easy to find her Twitter and Facebook, particularly Facebook since we have many mutual friends. It was SHOCKING”.
“While she set her Facebook to private, her Twitter was littered with malicious tweets and retweets. She made it very clear that she 'wants to see her current city burn to the ground' and 'why would anyone want to learn Japanese since it sounds terrible'. We printed some of the more extreme things she posted and we still invited her to the interview”.
"Oh, and did I mention my boss is JAPANESE?!! So she comes into the interview, which I was part of. I asked three good things about her, to which she says 'dependent, gets things done, and friendly'. My boss just looked at her for a second before he pulled out her Tweets and asked her to explain how she can actually serve the local community if she hates it so much”.
“Onna was FLOORED and said someone hacked into her account, despite there being at least three years of slanderous tweets. We thanked her for coming and said we can't accept an employee with this conduct. As far as I know, she's still not working because some spouses found her Twitter not long after the interview and it was shared in all departments. No one will touch her application now”.
Me: "So all of this was discovered because I told you about her accusations?" Friend: "Yes! Oh, and she's kind of an outcast socially right now because she cheated on her husband a couple of months ago”. There you have it folks. Because one person couldn't mind their own business, they lost a potential job and had their social media exposed. Super ironic since she became the dependapotamus and adulterer—the same thing she was accusing ME of.
49. The Man Of The House
When my mother-in-law (who was a military spouse) gave birth to my now-wife, she was advised to make a sandwich or two...in case her husband got hungry while she was delivering her child. Her husband did not attend the delivery, so all she had in the delivery room was a drill Sergeant yelling at her to push.
When she got home, the father had his car engine disassembled on the table. He asked whether she’d had a boy or girl, got told “girl”, said “oh” and went back to his engine. He really wanted a boy to carry on the family name, but when, in an attempt to save the relationship, they had a boy together, he moved out shortly afterward and never (or rarely) spoke to the son again.
The son changed his last name to his mother’s name as soon as he legally could.
50. The Punishment Doesn’t Match The Crime
A friend in my unit walked in on his wife cheating on him with someone else from our unit. They separate, she moves in with the other guy and leaves the unit. Eight months later, we return from a deployment, and my friend goes on one date with a girl. The consequences were brutal.
His soon-to-be ex-wife finds out and calls the Sergeant to charge him with adultery. He gets taken down a rank—the other guy only got switched to a different unit.
51. Too Little, Too Late
I once watched a grown man get screamed at over the phone because he missed calling his unemployed, useless waste-of-skin of a military wife for her daily noon wake-up call by 15 minutes.
Sources: Reddit, ,
