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People Share The Most Embarrassing Macho Moments Gone Wrong

Christine Tran

Being a man is no job for a boy. One could tell that from these stories of masculinity gone comedically—or often horrifically—wrong. Redditors were asked to share their encounters with wannabe macho men who had something to prove. Of course, the only thing “proven” was that showy displays of strength don’t always equal dignity. Buckle up to these wild stories of male strength shooting itself in the foot.


1. Insecurity and Child Negligence Go Hand in Hand

Worked as a lifeguard at a summer camp years ago. During safety training we had to do a missing person search, which required all available staff to join hands and walk from the beach to into the water as far as we could while feeling with our feet for the missing swimmer. During training there was a sandbag we had to find.

The guy next to me kept insisting on holding mine in a certain way because “*I* will take the upper hand in this situation,” as he said while staring me down. Whatever, dude. We’re theoretically looking for a drowned child right now.

JeepPilot

2. Who’s the Boss? Not This Guy, Anymore

Earlier this year, my boss asked me to do something, and then leaned over me and said, “You are going to do it.” He was like, literally leaning over me because he was 6’8″ tall. Dude acted like a cliché high school bully from an 80s movie and was like 40 years old, so I assume he had been at some point. Anyway, he quit soon after.

jerrygarcegus

3. Not Enough Room in This Disco

Literally last weekend, some really drunk dude who I had never once met or interacted with tried to fight me—possibly to impress the girls he was with? It was completely ridiculous, and his way of trying to initiate it was just repeatedly body checking me on the dance floor which I ignored because I thought he was just being drunk and dumb.

Turns out, one of his friends had to stop him from blindsiding me with a sucker punch to the face—assuming he was able to aim that well. Some people do not mix well with alcohol, apparently.

WaviestMetal

4. Game Is Life

Took my nephew to a pre-release tournament at the local card shop for Pokémon. I didn’t just want to sit there, so I joined in too, with little to no knowledge of the TCG. I just read the cards and took advice from a 7-year-old. I had to play against this mom’s basement type of dude, and I barely beat him with him having one prize card left as well.

He was upset (I asked multiple times during the game, how stuff works and he was acting all high and mighty) and went back over to his other mom’s basement looking fellow to recuperate and I distinctly heard “Don’t worry man, I’ll friggin’ crush him in the next round.”

DeadliftFam

5. Big Job, Little Man

I work in a grocery store and sometimes help unload the delivery trucks. Our delivery comes in on what we call cages, like a 6-foot cage on wheels. Obviously, one that’s full of toilet paper will be really light and one filled with 2-litre bottles of juice are the heavy ones. The lift that lowers them from the truck has that patterned metal floor, and you have to pull the heavy cages hard to get them off.

Now. I’m 5’8″ tall and don’t have a lot of weight on me, but I can pull these cages off just fine; there’s a guy who’s like 6’2″ tall and is always trying to show how strong he is, so whenever I’m helping and he’s there, he always insists he gets the heavy cages and that I get the “little guy cage.” Everyone agrees he needs to grow up.

EathanS2k

6. Man Enough to Admit a Mistake

He refused to let us tow his car from a ditch (where he parked it after misjudging a turn) and called a tow company instead. He simply didn’t want his girlfriend (who lived with us at the time) to know that he crashed. I’m not entirely sure the bill was worth it. And obviously, she found out quite soon. He has since gotten better and married her.

Good on him, I guess.

SCPendolino

7. Not One to Split Hairs About Safety

I work in a chemical plant and usually every couple month we get fitted and tested for respirators. We had this new hire come in and he wore a thick beard. Eventually, the testing day rolls by and if anyone knows anything about this, you usually have to have a clean-shaven face to get approved. Dude threw the biggest hissy fit saying he won’t shave off his manliness in order for some stupid test.

Either way, he gets disciplined for his outburst…and gets caught a few days later being hit by a few chemical vapors because, you guessed it, wrong freaking respirator. Like dude seriously…just freaking shave, it’ll grow back. Got canned literally the same day.

munching_brotatoe

8. Jarhead Was No Prince Charming

Back in my teens, I was hanging out at my girlfriend’s house with her sister and sister’s new boyfriend. It was the first time I’d met her boyfriend and he was a bit of a “popped collar” jerk. Well, we get hungry, my girlfriend makes some sandwiches and this guy grabs a jar of mayonnaise out of the fridge but can’t get it open. I offer to open it for him, and he flat out refuses, saying if he can’t open it, then it’s stuck permanently, and he might as well bin it.

So, I tell him that’s freaking idiotic and to hand it over, but he refuses. A couple of minutes into the argument, my girlfriend just goes “Oh, for God’s sake,” snatches the jar from him and just pops it open. Dude looks at her like she walked into his house on Christmas morning and peed on his kids. After another few minutes of arguing about how he’d loosened it, dude just freaking snaps and starts going through the fridge and cupboards opening any jar he could find to show he could do it.

He was on his fourth jar when my girlfriend’s sister just looks at him and says, “I think you should leave.” I think to this day that guy thinks my girlfriend’s sister broke up with him because he couldn’t open that first jar…not because he was a legit crazy person about it.

Paulius2444

9. Narrow Patience Alley

A former coworker. He would just stand in the way and refuse to move. Even if he wasn’t in the way he would purposely get in the way. I work in a narrow kitchen so you can imagine how annoying that could be. At one particular moment, I was carrying a bulky 20 lb. box and he decided to do that. I pretended to not see him and barreled into him.

He fell over and got incredibly mad at me. Started talking about how I have no muscle. It was pretty funny. It was a display of the most fragile masculinity I’ve ever seen.

PhreedomPhighter

10. Headlock Over Heels in Love

A friend tried to make himself look good in front of his crush by literally putting me in a random choke hold “for a laugh.” It turns out it was because I was talking to her—I had a girlfriend at the time, we were just talking. It wasn’t a chokehold though, it was basically just a headlock, so I decided to correct him. I was fairly oblivious and didn’t realize this was a failed “alpha move.”

It creeped the heck out of his crush that he would do that out of nowhere, and she stopped talking to him. Apparently, she quite liked him up until that point, so he kinda shot himself in the foot.

Apple-Juice-Tsunami

11. Let It Go, Boys

In high school, we had a five-minute timer to get to class and on this particular day, there was about one minute left. That day, I had to use the bathroom bad and I entered the nearest boy’s bathroom. There were three urinals, two stalls and about 10 guys in the bathroom. When I walked in, I noticed that the middle urinal was open and the urinals on the left and right were being used.

10 guys waiting to use the bathroom, and NONE wanted to use the middle urinal because apparently, it’s “gay.” I immediately went to the middle urinal and this one guy sitting on the wall is like “you’re gay! you’re gay!” followed by the rest of the guys chiming in. So, you mean to tell me these guys were seriously gonna be late to class because they have TOO much pride and don’t want to be seen as gay just because they didn’t want to use the middle urinal.

I sat there like…”You’ve got to be kidding me.”

jaylan101

12. No Rest for the Insecure

I worked in residence life over the summer at a moderately sized college campus. The pay was good, but there were tons of broken furniture and even more pee-stained mattresses. Anyway, I was good enough at doing this that I became sort of an on-site supervisor. The supervisor would tell us what building we would be evaluating/emptying that day, and then I would basically take over as soon as we left.

One day, we had a five-story dorm to go through, and ALL of the mattresses were due to be replaced. I told the group (there were seven or eight of us) that the easiest way would be to form a relay down the stairs. Two people would go to the rooms on the topmost floor and toss ’em down the steps to the next level, and then they would toss those down the steps, all the way down until the last two people on the bottom would put the mattresses in the truck.

And then, every floor, we’d swap off, so people could have the “easier” jobs. We’re moving along ridiculously fast under this system. We cleared out a whole floor in just under an hour. And then the supervisor showed up and told me that, no, EVERYONE NEEDED TO CARRY OUT THEIR OWN MATTRESSES because he didn’t want “lazy people” on the team.

In other words, he wanted everyone to go to a room on the fifth floor and carry a mattress down five flights of stairs to the truck, all through the day. He told us that it was “an easy job” and then proceeded to make a show of lifting up two mattresses on his shoulders and jumping down the half-flight steps onto the landing. He did this two or three times, complete with loud grunts (to this day, I have no idea how he didn’t get injured), and then berated us for being lazy.

He didn’t make us jump, but he made sure that he stayed to watch us do it “the right way.” We finished the next floor by the end of the day.

MagicJasoni

13. Better Wet Than Wussy

Two male classmates and I were on a fieldtrip and got caught in the rain. I had a raincoat, and one guy had an umbrella. He offered to share it with the other guy, who had no rain gear. The other guy insisted it was gay to share an umbrella with another man. He would only use the umbrella if he carried it, while I walked under it with him and the first guy borrowed my raincoat.

This didn’t fly because, I wasn’t about to give up my raincoat for the paltry protection lent by huddling under an umbrella, and the guy would not have fit my raincoat! So, macho man got soaked.

featheredfelon

14. Lancelot Sucks

A female friend of mine brought a Tinder boy on a double date with me and my girlfriend. After the movies we took a dip in friend’s pool, and, somehow, we started this quasi swordfight game with the pool noodles. This freaking kid proceeded to whack me with all his strength in an attempt to impress my friend. Like I could see the strain in his face.

Afterward, when we were watching a movie and I fell asleep, Tinder boy proceeded to aggressively attempt to feel up said friend and suck on her shoulder. There was not a second date.

kingdav97

15. The Masculinity Pays for Itself

At a school dance, it was cheaper to get in if you were a couple, I can’t remember exactly how much it was, probably 10 or 20 bucks cheaper. The teacher at the door was cool, so even if you came with your group of guy friends, he would just pair you off and charge you the cheaper price. These two jock type guys refused to be paired together and demanded they each pay their separate entrance fee.

Truedeal

16. Think Before You Turn Down Pink

My husband has long hair and usually has a few hair ties on his wrist because of it. One of the guys I used to work with also has long hair and couldn’t find a suitable replacement for the rubber band he’d lost. My husband upon noticing offered him his last hair tie that just so happened to be pink, and this dude went on a darn tirade saying how he wasn’t going to wear it.

Then went through the rest of the day in 102° heat, soaked with sweat and his hair just getting all stuck to his face and stuff. This same dude also refused to ever put on sunscreen or wear gloves even though we worked outside with tools pretty much every darn day, so he’d constantly be sunburned and peeling and always had these huge painful looking blisters on his hands

fuzzyoctopus97

17. Bottoms Up, Man Down

When I was a teenager, a guy I know shotgunned a whole bottle of gin. People do this with beer. I guess he thought it would be cool with hard liquor. I guess the big issue is that you don’t feel anything while you are downing it. He collapsed moments after finishing. He was in the emergency room within the hour, after passing out and being unrousable.

f_ranz1224

18. The Heartbreak Kid Meats His Match

I have a cousin that’ll only eat meat and as little of non-meat foods as possible. He sees meat as being very manly and salad and stuff as being feminine. For example, he’ll eat a bacon burger and only tolerates a bun because it makes holding it easier. He’ll have bacon for breakfast, a burger for lunch, and steak or fish for dinner.

Unsurprisingly, he’s had three heart attacks and has severe atherosclerosis, so being manly seems to be mainly about dying in his 50s due to heart disease.

UnwantedUngulate

19. Nothing Like a Manly Musk

A friend of mine once refused to shower for over a week because his mother had bought the lemon-scented shower gel rather than the manly mint one that he was used to. His defense? “Even if I haven’t showered, at least I still smell like a bloke.” Suffice to say we didn’t hang around him until he got his minty shower.

Annieisabee

20. It’s a Fine Line Between Reason and Ridicule

A coworker brought his 5-year-old son into work last week. I said Hi, then gave him markers and paper and let him draw in my office. Today, my coworker tells me that his son wants to come back to draw with me again. My coworker continues and says that I need to play with his son, not give him paper to draw. I ask why, and my coworker answers that he doesn’t want his kid to draw because it’ll make him unmanly.

He needs him to run around rambunctiously so he won’t be impacted by the womanly art of drawing. My mouth was on the floor. I knew my coworker was homophobic and worked hard to defend his masculinity, but this was too much.

Siareen

21. I’ll Fight Anyone, Except Someone My Own Size

When one of his female friends suggested that his personal beliefs showed he was insecure about his masculinity, he said he’d prove he was manly by physically fighting her. Nothing shows you’re manly like wanting to fight someone whose shorter and lighter than you.

Cinnabani

22. Loving the Skin You’re In? Like a Woman?

The father in a family I grew with as neighbors was very much so a sort of “traditional” masculine guy. Mechanic, family patriarch, all that. Turns out he had naturally dry skin, and keeping his feet cramped up in work boots all day led to him having some nasty skin cracks on his feet. After one cut got infected, he went to the doctor, who told him he really needed to exfoliate and moisturize his skin.

He said, “Moisturizer is for women, ” and ignored the doctor. A couple of years—and probably a handful of infections—later, he refused to go back to the doctor and insisted it would get better on his own. The infection got so bad they had to amputate his big toe on his right foot. All because he didn’t want to moisturize.

Auric

23. Never Too Early to Learn the Wrong Lessons

When I was a kid, our class took a trip to one of those climbing gardens, with ropes securing you and ropes spanned between the trees to make for easy climbing. At one point, you could jump off a tree and be caught by the ropes, it wasn’t all that high, so no real risk there. One kid told the other kids that if you are a man, that would obviously hurt, as you are secured between your legs.

Despite the obvious fact that anyone who designed that thing would be aware of male anatomy and would crush your balls with some badly designed gear. That didn’t stop a group of around ten boys pretending to have hurt their balls by jumping down there, despite all of them knowing that it didn’t hurt.

Just so that they were not the first kid to say, “It didn’t hurt me,” so not to invoke a second kid saying that he wasn’t a man because of it. Kids and masculinity are weird.

PandaDerZwote

24. A Glass Half-Manly Kind of Man

I used to be a manager in a pub. Someone came in and asked for a San Miguel “and not in a girl glass.” I was taken back. I read that he essentially didn’t want the normal glass the beer is served in, which is like a chalice. This glass is designed for the beer and keeps its head and fizz. I picked up the glass I knew he didn’t want, and he went “No, I said not in a girl glass,” so I just responded, “I can’t tell the gender and sexuality of a glass, can you help?”

So he laughed and pointed at the one he wanted. Boring pint glass. He came back to me minutes later and said “my beer’s really flat.” “No sir, that’s the glass you wanted to protect your fragile masculinity and sexuality.” Poured it into the proper glass and it got its fizz and foam back. He scuttled off.

tobyw_w

25. Fatherhood Isn’t a Lifestyle, Right?

Wife’s coworker’s husband refuses to change their son’s diapers and very rarely holds the baby boy. The kid is two, and he’s literally never once changed a diaper and his wife is somehow okay with this. I’ve seen a picture of him holding the baby and he looks so awkward. GOD FORBID HE’D SHOW ANY EMOTION OR AFFECTION TOWARDS ANOTHER MALE. This is a grown man in his early 30s.

Permalink

26. Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Peer Pressure Can Too!

This is a personal story I experienced. I was 16, with one friend, let’s call him Bryce. We were a little out of it, swimming, nothing out of the ordinary. There was a wall we would jump off of into the swimming pool. It was an easy jump. Alas, there was a further wooden terrace, higher and further back than the wall. It was quite a jump.

I agreed that if Bryce jumped first that I would have to. He walks up, sets his stance, and jumps. Clear shot all the way to the pool. Shoot, now I HAVE to do this just as he did to retain my masculinity. This was arguably one of the worst decisions of my entire life, and I should have chickened out. I walk up the grass hill, past the regular wall, and up onto the wooden terrace.

I set my stance. I get ready to jump. “If I fall and break my neck, you need to jump in and save me!” I yelled. I bend my knees and push off as hard as I can. Unfortunately, since Bryce had just jumped from here, the wood was wet and slippery. I got no traction on my push, slipped, fell straight down, belly first, about a 6-foot drop.

My ribs were the first to impact, and it was on the edge of the pool. That knocked the wind out of me, scratched them up bad. But the brute impact, after my ribs ground the edge of the pool, was my pelvis. My pelvis took the majority of the impact on the edge of the pool. Luckily my head/neck area went right into the water.

I fell in, pulled myself to the edge and I’ll never forget what Bryce said: “Darn bro, that was dirty.” “Help me out, you jerk” I struggled to say with no breath, as I clung desperately on the edge of the pool. He pulled me out, I laid on my back. We thought I might have dislocated my right leg, so we attempted to have him “pop it back in.”

Note: it was not dislocated. I fractured my pelvis. This was only adding pain. Anyway, because I “had to do it” to retain my masculine equilibrium with Bryce, it resulted in the rest of my summer being bedridden. Doctors couldn’t cast it or correct it surgically. They sent me home with some pain killers and said good luck.

I went from being unable to walk at all, moving to a wheelchair, then to a walker, then I borrowed my grandpa’s cane. I couldn’t poop on my own for three weeks because I couldn’t use the muscles down there. I had to use suppositories. My mother had to help me get undressed and dressed for showers. It was humiliated and humbling as a 16-year-old male having my mother take care of me in my disabled state.

Since that day I have not grown an inch. Still just as tall today as I was when I was 16. I still feel this injury every day, nine years later, and I am no longer friends with Bryce.

Tiberius_Maximus

27. A Man Doesn’t Take Rejection Well

My girlfriend tends bar on a particularly rowdy college avenue and a dude that apparently used to stalk her from a previous serving gig (former coworker) came in to flirt with her. She obviously wasn’t having it and kept shutting him down and walking away. He called her a “stuck-up shrew,” and she pushed him back out onto the patio.

Before he could retaliate, two of her male coworkers got between them and threatened to beat his ass. This guy then proceeds to get two bicycle cops called on him, but then refuses to leave because my girlfriend and coworkers “assaulted him,” and they should be arrested. I wasn’t there but according to her, the cops were dumbfounded and told her to get a restraining order. This dude was so emasculated from the push that he proceeded to disobey cops and tried to get my girlfriend arrested.

Capt_Jon_Yossarian

28. You Have The Right to Remain Macho

I drive a small compact car (Mazda 2) and was sitting at a red light with my windows down. This super lifted truck rolls up next to me and yells at me, “Nice girl car.” I just roll my eyes and continue listening to my podcast. He then starts revving his truck to get me to notice and keeps saying dumb things like, “This is a real man’s vehicle.”

I just don’t acknowledge him. As soon as the light turns green, he floors it, only to be pulled over a couple of yards down the road.

olybib

29. Let’s Not Play Ball

A group of kids over a decade ago, we were all in our teens, invited me over to play some games. They used to gather and play FIFA. Now here’s the kicker (pun intended trust me), when you lost a game you had to get kicked in the balls by EVERYONE. One kick each. I mean, I would never do this one on one, can you imagine a group of 15?? I don’t think I ever said no to playing a video game that fast.

Only positive I see in this is those jerks were lowering their chances of procreation, Darwinism and all that.

v3r1

30. Sipping on Lack of Confidence

I have a job at a coffee place, and there is a regular who drinks his iced cold brew in a hot cup, because his friends happened to drive by him once while he was sipping out of the straw. They made fun of him for sucking on straws. He was pumped when we got the cold sip cups because he can have his manliness back. There was also a time a guy got an iced blended beverage, strawberry flavored.

I thought nothing of it, until he adamantly began to tell me about how it wasn’t for him but for his girlfriend. Like dude, it’s weirder for you to be weirded out by buying a strawberry drink.

jiyori

31. Taste Buds So Strong, They Look Hot

I was eating pho with a dude who instantly grabbed all the jalapeño slices with his fingers and added them to his bowl of soup. As a fellow idiot who cooks a lot, I knew that now his hands were covered in capsaicin, and he is going to wish he used his chopsticks. I commented “Oooh. Now you can’t touch your eyes.” He got instantly defensive, and said: “Bro, I eat spicy food all the time.”

I’m like: “Yeah, but you can’t touch your eyes with jalapeño fingers because you have a tolerance to spice, though.” With that “challenge,” he jammed his eyeball with his finger like he was digging for gold. Man. He sure showed me. He looked so manly with that ice water cup pressed against his bare eyeball.

whatsmyline

32. Five’s Company But Bad for Your Reputation

One of my idiot friends tried to date multiple girls at once, and seemingly didn’t see anything wrong with it. He was picked on for a bit for being “girly,” so he decided to date a lot of girls from Tinder and buy into the stereotype to prove he was “manly” enough. This kid was only 17 too. I at first felt bad for him, but he matched up with four girls on tinder and cheated on all of them at the same time.

We’re not friends anymore.

PM_ME_INTERNET_SCAMS

33. Don’t Call Him Cupid

I was working as a costumed character at a Valentine’s Day dinner evening event. Me and some other workers were dressed head to toe in a cloak and mask costume so you can’t see the person underneath. The costume is meant to be a bit scary and intimidating, but nothing too bad. So, the dinner is finished, and the guests start to come into the attraction.

I had done a few of these events before and know that there will be a lot of drunk people, but at first, everything was fine. We scared a few people and had some photos, and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Then this really short man comes up to me and just stands in front of me and starts staring and pulling a very creepy smile and licking his lips.

I knew instantly that this guy was trouble but played along to hope he would go away. I tried to make him jump and took his glasses and he just stands there. I am behind a barrier because there had been problems in the past with characters getting harassed, so we had to keep some kind of protection between us and the guests; the barrier is small, and I didn’t have much room, so I try to walk away but he follows.

His wife I think notices and comes up to him and says to him “it’s okay honey, you win, you win,” and he walks off and does it again to another character. I don’t think he liked that we were female characters that weren’t scared or interested in him. Not long after that he starts to be abusive to his wife and staff and throws his drink.

Security then watches him, and when he notices he kicks off and storms up to one of my coworkers who is standing by a tenser barrier and she asked if he is ok as the area, he was walking into was closed and he pushes the barrier into her and goes into the area. Then he starts to threaten one of my managers and finally squared up to security who were all a lot bigger.

They take him outside and he starts throwing things and peeing in front of other guests, so the police are called, and he then fights with them and gets arrested. At first, were thought he was just very drunk but later his wife said that she was glad he got arrested otherwise she would have been at the receiving end of his rage when they got home.

shanaflan

34. Next Door to the Gun Show

My neighbor in front of me (I’m a guy) house had a boyfriend who would literally rip his shirt off and come outside every single time I was in my front yard. It could be 7 AM or midnight, but it wouldn’t matter to him. I could be walking to my car and here comes Mr. Globogym, flexing all around his yard. He would immediately go back inside when I went back inside.

This went on for almost half a year. until one day I saw him hop into his mega lifted truck and drive away never to be seen again. He did have pretty sweet pecs though.

IDespiseFatties

35. Shut the Puck up

My Dad has season tickets for the AHL hockey team in town. One day, he was late for a game, and arrived to see a teen in his seat with his girlfriend. My dad kindly asked him to move, explaining that these were his seats. The teen responded with a quick, “No its not.” My dad then showed him his season tickets and pointed out on the kids tickets that their actual seats were a few rows up.

The kid got up and tried to square up to my dad. My father was just like “Really dude?” and ignored them. The girlfriend began screaming at him for “being a jerk.”

Redskullzzzz

36. Can’t Touch This

Not letting go of a handshake. It’s happened a few times and always make me want to treat it as a hostile action. Last time it happened I just started caressing their hand with my finger and the guy jerked away. I winked at him after.

DizzyDizzyWiggleBop

37. Man Your Way to the Unemployment Line

I once hired the captain of a SUNY football team as an intern. I was a bureau director at the time, he was reporting to my assistant director. I was not in the office on his first day. On his second day, he walked into a meeting I was having with my boss (equivalent to a VP, and also incidentally a woman), interrupted us, dropped a stack of random papers on her desk and asked me if I could make him some copies.

Then struck a Captain Morgan pose and smiled at her. We had to rush to fire him because at the end of his second day he announced to the unit that his dad got him a “much better” job at General Electric, and darnit, I wasn’t going to miss my chance to say out loud that he was fired.

tengu38

38. Mutually Assured Destruction on the Field

It was a co-ed recreational adult indoor soccer league (20-28-year-olds pretty much) and there was this one dude who thought he was some guy who should be in the pros. He was average at best, but the issue was he kept tripping people, pushing them around (there’s basically a no contact rule since there were women and it’s a rec league) and we all kind of had enough of him.

Anyway, I have the ball and dribble for a bit with it. The whole time, he is on my heels trying to trip me and kick my legs, etc. Being an ex-college player, I know how it works and I just avoid it, but he was doing it to everyone including the women. Eventually, I just stopped with the ball, turned around, and gave him a slight push, like no more than you would use to push a shopping cart into a cart corral.

He immediately gets up and puffs his chest out and gets in my face (he’s like 6’2” tall, I’m like 5’10” tall). Then he literally screams “I WILL DESTROY YOU.” I just laugh it off and walk away ‘cause I knew I just got us both kicked out of the game. What a tool.

GeneralChowder

39. No Use Running Over Spilled Milk

So when I was in the eighth grade, there was this one kid who hated me for no reason, I was really big for my age, so there was no way this 5’1″ tall guy was going to fight me, so he did something so cringey I have no idea what he was going for. I was sitting at lunch with my friends, and this kid walks up to us, and spits in my glass of milk and says in a very commanding tone: “Drink.”

I just stood up and the kid bolted. Got a good laugh out of it with my friend though.

NibsFurfag

40. Too Cute to Eat

My dad will not tolerate being served food that was set to look “pretty.” Once he ordered a dish with coconut shrimp, and when it came out its presentation looked very cute and my dad immediately recoiled in disgust and said, ” This isn’t what I ordered, take it back!” We were all confused because he had in fact ordered it and the waitress was just beside herself.

My dad then said, “It’s too feminine.” The waitress ended up taking the plate back and they rearranged the shrimp as to not offend my dad as if he were a picky two-year-old.

mako-tango

41. Insurance Doesn’t Cover Ego, Honey!

A few weeks ago, my wife and I visited a friend in another country. We got to know her boyfriend, who was a bit… special. He teased her relentlessly, all the time, and could not take any criticism at all. Once, we were arriving back at the house (by car, he was driving), when she jokingly told him “I drive way better than you!” referring to the narrow alleyways in their town, and how she has no issues parking in tiny spots.

Apparently, he saw that as an offense to his manhood, which he just could not let slide in front of his girlfriend and us, two almost complete strangers in the back seat. He started accelerating like a maniac, going about 80 kilometers an hour in an old European town in the mountains (where you don’t see any cars coming and the roads are really narrow), his girlfriend screaming at him to stop. He did this for about two streets before he turned around and drove back.

itmustbeluv_luv_luv

42. The Harder They Flex, The Worse They Break

A guy tried to emasculate me in my weightlifting class…the problem being he had never lifted in his life. It should be noted that this was guy was a one-upper to a T. If anyone had a talent or had anything remotely interesting to say, he was there to out-do them. I was showing him how to do bench press and I was doing 155, which is my max.

Not a lot of weight, but again, it’s a lot when you’ve never lifted. He proceeded to attempt the weight I was doing while I was at the water fountain. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get there before he gave himself a hairline fracture in his sternum. I would have felt worse for him if he wasn’t such a jerk.

MrBwnrrific

43. Who Holds the Purse Strings?

My stepbrother is the type of guy that refuses to hold his girlfriend’s purse. Once at a small family dinner, she went to the bathroom. After a minute, she must have texted him and he goes to check on her, they quietly argued a little and were clearly mad but trying to hide it the whole night after. Turns out she needed a tampon from her purse, and he wouldn’t even bring the purse to her, she had to text my sister to bring it to her.

Truedeal

Sources: 1, 2, 3


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