Some say you don’t really know someone until you’ve lived with them, and when your usually personable friend stays a few nights, you might see a side of them that just might threaten your friendship. Some things can be brushed off as odd behavior, but others are just hard to believe. From rude guests to gross guests to just downright mind-boggling guests, people have shared their houseguest horror stories—and they might make you never want to host again!
1. Family Bonds
My sister-in-law was staying with me a couple of months before my wedding. She was controlling everything from the food we eat to the way I should place things in my wallet. I freaked out when she started making a list of my family members and who should be invited or not. Her other sister, a week before our wedding, told me all men cheat.
2. Flood Alert
Without a doubt, hands-down, the friend whose family came up to my lake house for a week was my worst houseguest ever. Her 10-year-old had a bed-wetting problem. Understandably, no one wants to talk about that—so I didn’t find out until it was time to change the sheets after they had left! I had to throw out a brand-new mattress.
3. Rotting Away
The worst guest my family has ever had was our friend's son who was 20 and had a habit of eating an apple before bed every night. But every night, he took that apple into bed, ate it, and left the core down the side of the bed. After having them up for a week, we discovered a stash of apple cores shoved down the side of the bed. It would have been so much easier to just to throw them out!
4. Seeking Console
My roommate's friend needed a place to crash while he found an apartment. We had a spare room, but he didn't want to rent it. After three weeks, it became obvious he was trying to stay with us for free when he brought all of his clothes and stuff. So, we charged him rent for next month if he planned to stay longer. He took our Xbox and disappeared…but he left all his stuff, which was worth a lot more.
We didn't bother calling law enforcement, we just told him to bring back the Xbox or he wouldn’t get his stuff. He never responded, and we just made a thousand-dollar profit selling his junk.
5. Sitting by the Open Fire
My bible-thumping grandma stayed the week of Christmas when I was 12 or 13. I woke up Christmas morning super excited for all of my gifts. My parents were already arguing with her because she had taken all of my Harry Potter books and thrown them in the fireplace even the one my parents had just gotten me for Christmas. She wasn't welcome back for Christmas anymore.
6. Washroom’s Just Down the Hall
I have three roommates. Two of them are excellent, quiet, friendly clean, do their share of everything. This other guy is a total jerk. He doesn't clean at all and wants people to buy stuff he'll go halves on but never does. He opened my wall locker to use my laundry soap, which is like $10 for a small jug overseas. He says he'll spot me back. He doesn't.
I take the initiative to take the garbage out when it starts to get full—but that’s when I made a disturbing discovery. I found a few water bottles filled with a clear yellow liquid. Pee. Pee bottles. I'm by no means a loud type, but this was horrid, and I needed to yell to get some shame factor in. He denied it. Then later I came in to see him clear out two more bottles from under his bunk.
He now laughs and says I'm the one that was being ridiculous. He gets on Skype at 3 AM, and wakes us up. Yet when we do anything at a normal time, like 7 PM, we're the jerks. Plus, he's totally awful to his family back home along with his girlfriend. Not cool, I'm trying to get this bag of dirt out of my room and building.
7. Out and Away with You!
My worst guest was an ex-friend of mine. This was after trying to help her for months. At one point, my girlfriend and I let her crash at our place for two weeks while she sorted her life out before she went into full crazy mode. We went away for the first five days of that and got engaged. We came back to our entire apartment reorganized and found out she went through everything. She had taken over the living room and the office by bringing all of her stuff from home to our place.
We thought that she would crash on our pull-out couch and we could help her get back on her feet. Instead, she dominated our lives and seemed disinterested as to ever leaving, and we couldn't enjoy our recent engagement. She then started to spout conspiracy theories. We convinced her to leave after a few weeks and threw away the rest of her stuff after a few months when she wouldn't pick it up. Then we moved away soon after and threatened everyone to not tell her where.
8. I’ll See You to the Door
I had a friend who lived out of town call me up and ask if he could crash at our place on the way back to his home town. His drive, if he had done it all in one day, would have taken him eight hours. Instead, he drove to the 500 square foot apartment that I shared with my boyfriend and our two cats. He ended up staying for a whole week and didn't offer to help clean after my boyfriend and I paid for and cooked every meal. All he did was sit in the corner and read manga.
Finally, I confronted him by asking him, “So, what time are you leaving tomorrow?” Now I avoid talking to him.
9. A Bit Overcooked
I let a friend of mine crash on my couch for a few days until he had way too much one night after I was in bed and decided to boil some eggs. Once happily boiling, he passed out. Eventually all the water in the pan boiled off, and the eggs fused themselves to the pan. Shortly after that, the pan itself began to melt onto the burner. I woke up to the smoke detector going off and a cloud of noxious black smoke throughout my apartment. The smell of it lasted for several months despite my best efforts to fumigate. Good times.
10. Get Your Dusty Self Outta Here
It was my freshman year of college, and I was living in the dorms. This one kid from my home town, Dustin, called me up and said he was going to be coming to my college to party for the weekend and asked if he could crash on my floor for a night or two. I told him yes because a night or two really is not a big deal. What a mistake that was.
Now, let me tell you about Dustin. He was the stereotypical definition of a modern hippie kid. He lived at his mother's house, and his room consisted of a scroungy old couch, a TV sitting on a milk crate, and a bunch of empty pizza boxes and empty bottles-turned ashtrays. He didn't really shower much, and his average day consisted of sleeping until at least noon and spending the rest of the day listening to Phish and the Grateful Dead.
Anyway, Dustin eventually shows up at my place with a giant duffel bag full of pretty much all his possessions, which was a pretty big warning sign considering he said he was only here to party for the weekend. He said he was coming from upstate New York where he had been visiting a friend for a few weeks, which is why he had the giant bag. I didn't really think much of it at the time.
So, now that he was here, I figured he was probably hungry from the trip, so I asked if he wanted to go to the dining hall because I had a meal plan. My meal plan card ended up providing the entirety of the food he ate during his stay. Later on in the day, we came back to my room, and I noticed a strange stench. Maybe my roommate forgot to take out the trash? Nope, the garbage can was empty.
Then I realized that it was his big sack of unwashed clothes that was stinking up my entire dorm room. That was when I subtly mentioned to him that if he wanted to do some laundry there were washers and dryers down the hall. He never ended up washing any of his clothes during his stay, and pretty much wore the same t-shirt, cargo shorts, and Rasta-colored beanie the entire time.
So, the first day was coming to an end, and I told him I didn't really have any extra blankets or pillows or anything being that I had just moved in a few weeks ago and only had the bare essentials for myself. He decided to sleep on a pile of his dirty laundry in the middle of my floor. The next morning, we woke up, and I went to take a shower. I threw him an extra towel that I had and gave him some soap and shampoo, and went off and showered.
The next few days were pretty much the same thing every day: wake up, eat food, party at night, pass out, repeat. After about three or four days of this, I began wondering when this kid was going to leave me alone and was growing extremely concerned about the exponentially-growing stench in my room from this dirty unkempt hippie.
I asked when he was planning on heading home, and he said that he was only going to be staying one more night, then heading out. Thank god. However, that one night turned into about a week and a half. A week and a half of the same awful behavior. When it finally came time for him to leave, he all of a sudden "realized" that he didn't have the money for his train ticket home. And that, my friends, is the story of the best twelve dollars and fifty cents I had ever spent.
11. The Forbidden Third Floor
I've had a couple of bad housemates, but one just managed to get under my skin like nobody else. She moved in once she started dating one of our other housemates. Her boyfriend is a fantastic guy who had been a great person to live with in the three years I knew him, so if anything, I was happy he was in a relationship.
She was nice enough at first, but after a while, it became really hard not to dislike her. She cleaned the downstairs the first weekend, which was nice since it tended to get messy with six people living in the same place. Then she stopped cleaning and just started leaving notes about how messy we were like every week. It was just passive-aggressive notes about the floor, or notes literally left on top of food someone may have spilled and not noticed because god forbid, she uses that time to get a paper towel and cleans it up.
It's not like the place was a pigsty. She was the ONLY one that would consistently get upset over it. I should also mention that the rest of us were usually busy as we were all full-time students with part-time jobs while she went to school part-time and refused to even look for work. From there on, she just became more of a troll that lived on the third floor.
Her boyfriend would make dinner for her nearly every night and carry both plates up to her. If we wanted to go out somewhere with her boyfriend, it would turn into a drama because she would refuse to walk anywhere. The only times I'd see her was because she liked to use my 360 to play a few games, which would be fine except she would basically refuse to get off the console even though it was on the main TV we all shared in the common room.
I actually hid some games of mine and pretended they were lost, which was a first in the four years of sharing my game consoles with roommates. Eventually, she broke up with our friend and moved away, naturally not even trying to get anyone to fill in her space to help us pay rent. We couldn't complain too much, all of us were just glad to get rid of her at that point.
12. Chop. Chop. Chop.
My former best friend, L, and I knew this jerk, M. He was kind of messed up—couldn't hold a job, cheated on another friend he was engaged to, twice. M called her up once saying his girlfriend broke up with him and invited himself over. From L's telling of the story, it sounds incredibly likely that he meant to sleep with her because he was being overly handsy and trying to give her a "massage."
She called me at 3 AM crying because she felt awful that people like M would treat her like an easy lay and was worried about what impression she was giving guys and that she might be seen in a bad way. I reassured her that she's just a really friendly after a few drinks and that jerks like M take it the wrong way. She's a social butterfly and drinking amplifies this tenfold. I was also halfway to her place with a wooden practice sword to kick him out when she called saying her dad got up and did it for her.
About a year passes, and I'm living with L. I stroll through the living room on a study break and see M and L sitting on the couch. I knew that he was trying the same thing again. I managed to get L alone for a minute and angrily raged at her for letting him in the house. She defended him and said he had just broken up with his girlfriend and needed comfort. I called bunk and reminded her of the last time he pulled this stunt. But she wasn't going to kick him out despite my best efforts. So, I went back to my room.
I just tried to play with his psyche. At some point, I needed to go to the kitchen for something, so I talked to L while she was sitting on the couch with M, body facing only L, and talking as if he didn't exist in the room at that moment. Then I offered her pop, and she said yes. Then, without fully turning, I asked M in a lower tone and with half-lidded eyes and a blank expression asked, "You want anything?" He mumbled a no. I got L her drink then lingered around the nearby open kitchen.
I decided to chop carrots deliberately slowly and emphasizing the sound the blade made hitting the wooden cutting board. I even scowled his way a couple of times to make sure he got the hint. When everybody went to bed, L made up the folding couch bed upstairs for M to sleep on. He apparently tried to coax L to cuddle him, as if he only wanted to cuddle, and to combat this L borrowed a large stuffed animal from our other roommate J who was in her room the whole time for him to cuddle with.
Not sure how that conversation ended, but L was back downstairs quickly to confirm I was right about his motivations and to tell me that he'd thought I was terrifying. Mission accomplished. In the morning, I deliberately used the bathroom that had me walk past the couch M slept on just to rub it in as opposed to our bathroom next to the kitchen. I'm told he faked sleeping as I walked heavily past him. When it came time for L to throw him out, he apparently begged to stay. She couldn't throw him fast enough, and we had a good laugh about the whole thing afterward.
13. Master of the House
A friend had two weeks between moving out of her place and moving temporarily to another state. I had offered for her to stay with me, not thinking she would take it because she kind of blew my offer off saying she would be with another friend. Well, she then went on to take me up on my offer because she couldn't stay with the guy either.
So, she comes and is sort of rude a few times, which is weird because I don't know her to be rude. For instance, she brought stuff from her old apartment that I said I could store in my place. It wasn’t a problem. So, this included two moldy, dusty, dirty casserole pans that were left under her sink. She decided to, didn't ask, decided, to let them soak in my sink to wash them later. At the time, I had just mopped and had my mop and some other stuff drying in the sink, so I tell her to just stick them on the counter for now. She gives me evil eyes and gets an attitude.
Another night, I had come back from a late shift and had to go back in the next day for a morning shift. She's home already in my bathroom doing whatever. She's using my computer to watch a DVD even though I had a separate DVD player two feet away at the TV. It's a DVD of her favorite movie, one she watched a bunch ton of times. Ok, cool. No big deal even though she's in the bathroom not watching it. So, I make myself some food, hang out. After a while, I decided to go to bed but wanted to check my e-mail first. I asked her if she could put the movie on pause for a bit or watch the rest later. She told me that it was almost done, and I can wait.
My favorite, though, is the bowie knife. She was into oddities, no problem, so am I. When she first came, she showed me this big bowie knife that some boyfriend of hers just gave her as a present. No problem, knives don't bother me much as I have some for cooking anyway. One night, I came home from work, and she wasn’t there. I jumped on my computer and started to check Facebook when I saw that she changed her profile picture. It's dark, and it looked like the picture was taken in my apartment. So, I click on it, and it's her sitting at my computer looking evil holding the bowie knife. The only light in the room is from the computer. The picture looks totally sinister.
When she left for her trip, she left some stuff for me to look after as per our agreement. She never came back to get any of it claiming she had no idea what I was talking about and she didn't know she had stuff at my place. This included an air mattress that she slept on for two years. Not sure how you can just up and forget something like that. I offered for a while to even bring her stuff to her, but she never got back to me. Oh well.
14. Supercali-Braggadocious Jerk
My wife's friend from college has been around the world traveling pretty much since he graduated. He said he was going to be in our city and asked to crash at our place. We agreed as we had a new largish place and didn't mind at all. So, he came. We showed him around our apartment complex and hung by the pool for a bit.
He started telling me how successful his travel blog was and pretty much simultaneously bragging and inferring that we were suckers for having regular corporate jobs. This was agitating, but I ignored it. He then flat out asked me how much I made. I told him, but he misunderstood what I said, and I just let him roll with it. I do quite well. He thought I said about one-third of what I actually said.
So, it was getting late, and after spending an hour listening to how he was a successful mini-celeb amongst backpacker types, we went to bed. He woke up the next morning and then goes through my cabinets asking if he could make breakfast. I was a little perturbed at his forwardness just going through my cabinets, but I was like, eh, if he is going to cook for me, that’s cool.
I was heading into the shower, and it didn't occur to me until I was in the shower that he never asked me what I wanted. This was because he did indeed make himself some bacon, eggs, and toast but only for himself. I am pretty mad at this point, but I am more occupied with getting to work on time than dealing with this twit.
That night, he proceeded to go out in the city to some parties without inviting us and then proceeded to try and be a jerk and tell us about these exclusive clubs he got into, and in his stupor, rant about how all his old friends are getting married and are so different. Well duh, people grow up in the five years after college.
He also would not refer to my dog who was then just a puppy as anything other than "that dog" and just left her in her crate all day. She of course whined about this, and then he complained to my wife about the dog's whining. He never gave us a dime for the food, let alone offered to buy us a meal or do anything in return for parking himself on our couch for three days. He will never step foot in my home again.
15. But You Can’t Stay Here
The firm I worked for at the time inherited this kid from a place across town named Mike. He seemed like an alright guy. But then he comes over one day early into his transfer at the firm...and he never leaves. He tells me the next day that he has nowhere to live and wants to know if he can stay with me and my roommate since we had a three-bedroom between the two of us.
I make an arrangement that he can stay in my place for the first month rent-free since he was completely broke supposedly—yet had one of the nicest wardrobes I've ever seen. He’d then pay a reduced rate the next few months until he gets back on his feet. A completely fair and easy arrangement, I thought. Well, I was so, so wrong.
He was always wanting rides everywhere, almost completely hijacking the TV, using in the house when I tell him not too…oh and my favorite, he used to listen to his rap music on his Discman or whatever and would be like "UUUUUHHHH YYYYEEEAA" while waving his hands around in your face. He did this to me one time while I was driving and I smacked his hand out of the way.
He also had behavior that I'd say was more odd than annoying. Instead of drinking in the apartment, he'd hide in the apartment complex's bushes and drink there. His actions at work were getting bad as well. He'd randomly insult people on the phone and accuse them of not wanting to deal with him because he was black. Truth was that he was rude, dumb, and didn't know a lot about what he was doing.
When it came time to pay the first installment of rent, he basically tried to dodge me on it for a couple of weeks. I finally cornered him on the balcony to say "I need the money today" and his reply was something like "Oh...so you going to play me like that now, huh?" He accused me of trying to con money out of him even though this was the agreed-upon rent situation.
Finally, one Saturday afternoon my boss fires him. The boss pulls me aside and asks what do we do now since he's living in my place. Mike claims he has nowhere to go in the city we live in, but that he knows people in like Ohio or some place. That same day my boss buys him a Greyhound ticket, and we help him pack and send him right out the door.
16. No Irish Cream for Me
Earlier in my high school years, I was in a band. We had a band come from Ireland and perform for us after a concert. The thing is, they needed to spend the night at volunteer houses for the night. My family volunteered. We ended up getting a trumpet player. His name was Jordan and he was I want to say about 6' 8" tall. He was nice when we met him, but we misjudged.
He demanded way too much. Immediately after he stepped foot in our house, he announced, "I wish to take a shower." Currently, they were both occupied by my family, and I told him that, but he insisted that they hurry up because he was significantly sweaty. For dinner, he ate two-thirds of the food, leaving everything else for four other people.
He didn't stop there. He came into the living room and asked for the remote and changed the channel to the History Channel without asking if it was okay. Later at night, he asked if there was a bed to sleep in upstairs and ended up taking my bed, so I slept on the top bunk where my brother normally is and could not sleep due to snoring.
Needless to say, it was a great moment of my life when he left the next morning after finishing the syrup for the pancakes so no one else could use it.
17. Making a Mess of Things
My roommate and I had a mutual friend ask to stay over for the weekend. Of course, we agreed. Prior to this, neither of us had had sleepovers with this guest, so we had no warning of her subsequent behavior. Here is just one of the few highlights: Our lovely guest had explosive diarrhea. Every. Single. Day. And of course, never once wiped it down after she splattered everywhere.
I had already planned on giving my bed to her. The first night as we're hanging out in the living room, she says, "So...how are we doing the sleeping arrangements?" I say, “Oh, I was going to sleep on the couch." She replies, "Oh. Okay. Yeah...I was going to say...I don't like sharing beds." Then, while she's in my room, she spills makeup powder all over my bed and floor and doesn't bother to clean it up.
We had told this guest to "Feel free to eat whatever's in the fridge." The girl makes some food, leaves half of it in the pot on the stove, and just lets it sit the entire weekend. She eats half of what's in her bowl then leaves that on our kitchen counter also for the entire weekend. Never even bothered to at least put it in the sink or dishwasher. My roommate and I were so anxious to see this girl go.
I never expected her to show gratitude, but she left me a parting gift. She gave me a used English book, clearly from a college course she had just taken, with the "Used" sticker still on the binding.
18. Bottles! Bottles Everywhere!
My ex-husband's best friend, Sean, was this semi-employed hippie who was in his 30s and still lived with his mother. He came to visit for a weekend but was still there a week later. Sean and my ex did nothing but play video games all day. Reliving their college days, I guess. Sean had a habit of leaving his used tissues on every available surface and hiding empty bottles in the strangest places. After he left, I found two behind the toilet. Gross, but whatever.
I was working two jobs at this time as my ex was unemployed and not home very often, so Sean hanging around didn't really bother me all that much at first. But, one night, he pushed my last button. I returned home late that evening after having worked my regular job plus four hours at my second job. It had been a long week and I was tired. I sat down on the sofa and flipped on the TV, planning on relaxing a bit before going to bed.
Sean came in, snatched the remote from my hand, and changed the channel without asking. I snapped. I told him it was my house, my TV, and since I was paying the cable bill, we were going to watch what I wanted to watch. He started to argue with me, so I threw him out. I told him to grab his stuff, I wanted him gone in 10 minutes. To my ex's credit, he backed me up. I guess he was a little tired of him as well. Sean never came to visit again.
19. When You Gotta Go Downstairs
My wife's friends had stayed over after a party because they lived pretty far away. In the morning, I was in the kitchen making coffee, and the friend’s wife came up the basement stairs into the kitchen wearing nothing but her underwear. She didn't say anything to me. She just shuffled past and went back into the spare bedroom.
I was curious about what she was doing down there, so I went and I checked. I wish I hadn’t. It turns out in her state, she couldn't find either one of the bathrooms upstairs on the main level, so she went into the basement and did her business beneath the stairs all over the floor. When her husband came out of the bedroom, I told him that he had a mess to clean up and directed him to the basement so he could find his wife's surprise. Oh, but it gets worse.
That's when he decided to use our clean bath towels to smear her poop all over my basement floor. Then he just tossed the towels into the laundry tub. I never spoke to either one of them again. One good thing did come out of it though. We now get to say, "poop in the basement level" as the top of the drunkenness meter.
20. Just for Mother
My mom was my worst guest ever. We moved her because she lost her job and was staying with random people. She never offered to help with anything, left my house a pigsty at all times, when she would get her unemployment, she'd buy herself the most random junk, stayed up all hours of the night and got incredibly irritable in the morning if my young children would wake her up and would purposely get in awful fights with my husband because she hated him and didn't want me married to him.
I asked her if she would watch my children so I could go back to work to help support her, and she freaked out that I wasn't planning on paying her to babysit. After two years of really, really trying to ignore it and continue helping, we had to kick her out.
21. You Can’t Handle the Truth
When I was 17 years old, my older brother brought two of his college friends from school to stay for a weekend in the town he was raised. They went to the Citadel in Charleston, so they are "cadet-ish." While they were there, my mom caught one of them smelling my 12-year-old sister's stockings and pre-teen girl underwear.
My mom kind of freaked and was in semi shock and came in and told my brother in front of me and the other friend. What was even more awkward is the guy tried to play it off like he thought it was MY room, and he was looking for my stash. He said he was sniffing because he could smell it somewhere and wanted to smoke. My mom wanted so hard to believe this that she actually accused me of having illicit substances in my room, which was all the way upstairs.
22. Another Round, Barkeep
My best mate was hooking up with the new barmaid at our local spot. On day after a party, for some reason, she decided to grab a kitchen knife and slit her wrist. In the ensuing struggle to wrestle the knife from her hand as she went to slash her other wrist, she managed to place her arm against the wall leaving a nice blood smudge right there in the kitchen. We then kicked her out, and she gave me and my girlfriend at the time a load of trouble on Facebook for being unreasonable.
Believe it or not, my mate ended up dating her for about two years, and she continued to be an absolute train wreck. When he finally got rid of her from his life, it was a really joyous moment for me and the rest of our friendship cycle. The last I heard of her she unexpectedly inherited a few million pounds from her father who she hadn't seen since she was about two years old, and she's now living a few hundred miles away breeding horses.
So as for worst house guest, it's either her…or the dude who peed in my kettle and then boiled it.
23. Can’t Just Marge in Here
When I was growing up in London, our family home was always the roadhouse for relatives visiting the city from Ireland. Basically, there would be some months where one relative would be out of the door on a Sunday morning, and the next lot of visitors would be arriving an hour after them…but Aunt Marg was the worst of all.
She was from my dad’s side actually moved to the same town my mother was from in some weird cultural exchange. Right now, with a family of four sons and three daughters, 12 grandchildren, four great-grandchildren, and various nieces and nephews, she fancies herself as a bit of a matriarch. She's also the biggest hypochondriac you will ever meet and travels everywhere with a carrier bag full of tablets—for my angina, for my palpitations, for my Vertigo, for my anxiety, for my vapors, etc., etc.
Whenever she tells my mother she'll be staying, we all call a crisis meeting even though I've moved out to find some excuse. When she descends with her husband who is totally easy-going, she starts with the demands. "Lovey, did you get me my salmon? You know I can't really digest meat at my age. Did you get bath salts for Mick's arthritis? Did you get those yogurts for us? We've stopped having cooked breakfasts and can only really manage a bit of porridge and yogurt? Did you get those teabags I told you about too? Oooh, while I remember, we can't be having feather pillows anymore either, Mick has a reaction to them and I find it tickles my asthma too. Are we in yours and Al's bed this time, Aud? You know how the other bed caused Micks back to play up? Also, your bed is higher which is easier for me and my knees,” and on, and on, and on. Mum jokes that a visit from Marg costs as much as a visit from the Pope.
Also, she's desperate to go and see a show in London but won't book one herself. So, we book one. We have to get front row seats as because she gets "vertigo" if she's up in the circles. And she needs to be able to stretch her poor knees. She then forgets to line our palms with the £140 we spend on them. And to top it off, she won't ride the tube or the bus or anything. If she goes anywhere, she needs to be chauffeur-driven by Dad, who then has to take a day off work.
"Ooh Al, can we go and see the Mall today?" She’d ask my dad. He’d say, "Okay Marg, but with the traffic, we'll be in the car along time." Apparently, this was no bother to her because she’d say, "That's fine, lovey! It's worth it to avoid those escalators in the tube station. They give me such vertigo I can't even tell you!"
Eight hours later when they're caught in traffic trying to get home, she’d say something like, "Al, why on earth is it taking us so long to get back?!" He’d responded, "Marg, it's London. It's rush hour! If we'd gotten the train, we'd have been home two hours ago. If we had left when I said we should and not gotten on that open-top bus, we'd have been home hours ago too!" She’d shoot back, “well, you know I can't be dealing with those escalators, Al, so I don't know why you're bringing that up!"
Visit Marg and you get chided for wasting warm air, electricity, causing her to wash her second-best sheets needlessly and asked to help out with the cooking and shopping. She even went and got encephalitis a few years back. Scared all of us, and we all flew over to be at her bedside when the doctor gave her a fatal prognosis. We all got there, and by the time we had landed and gotten to the hospital, she had had the nerve to regain consciousness and rally and eventually get better a week later. And since she's had a condition, she's now able to say, "I told you so!" every time we chide her on her hypochondria.
24. Spending Time with Gran
Last winter break when I was 16 and my sister was 10, my grandmother and my aunt who is also 16 (long story) visited for Christmas for about two weeks. I normally love having them here, but my grandma is kind of crazy. Not only is she prejudiced against basically any group you’d expect an old white lady to be prejudiced against, she’s also just plain mean, so I knew I was in for something.
Well, one day when my mom was at work, my sister and I were cleaning, and my grandma came into the room and just totally started going at us. She'd yell things like, “You'll fail at life if you continue down the path you're on!" Or things like, "Some days I feel like telling you both to jump off a bridge, and my god if I tell you to, you'll do it," and "You're both spoiled brats with no respect for anyone," and so on.
She basically insulted us both for two hours. Now, I was expecting my aunt to defend us because she lives with this crazy woman and deals with a lot more stuff like this but nope. They were BOTH yelling at us after a while. It was ridiculous. And at first, I was able to play it cool like your comments don't offend me, but then I broke down and cried the hardest I've ever cried, which I'm sure my grandmother loved.
As a note, I'm very respectful and not rude or stupid or careless or anything. I care so much about my future that I try to always make the right choices. She doesn't have any right to say what she did. Anyway, she finally stopped and left, and I texted my mom asking if my sister and I could live at my dad's house about 20 minutes away for the next couple of nights. She freaked out and said no, why can't you just spend time with your grandmother, yada, yada. So, I dealt with this crazy woman and her daughter until they left.
Well a week later my grandmother and aunt finally walked out the door to leave for the airport. I screamed with happiness when they were gone. As soon as my mom got home from work, we told her EVERYTHING. Now I might not see my grandmother anymore. Apparently, when I was born my mom made my grandma promise not to act this way around me and any future children, and she's broken that promise.
25. Foul All Odor
I had a long-time internet friend of about eight or so years invite himself to stay with me for a week. I had been thinking it was just for a weekend. I worked very hard to prepare the guest room for him in spite of us being flat broke. I was spending into our utility money to have him there. The entire time he compared Portland to San Antonio where he was from and told us how much better S.A. was and why he and his family were important people. He was on his cell phone to a girl he met almost constantly. He showed zero interest in anything I took him to see, so I stopped taking him anywhere.
The last two days I feigned illness, and we didn't go anywhere or do anything. He didn't brush his teeth the entire time and his breath choked out the entire room wherever he went. The last night he was there, we got into what I thought was a safe and intelligent discussion about politics and religion. I've known the guy eight years, and you'd think this would be okay territory.
He audibly scoffed, rolled his eyes, and all without offering any intelligent counterpoints. I told him how incredibly rude it was. he tried to apologize but the damage was done. I faked being friendly for the rest of his time there, drove him to the airport, and parked on my dime. He never thanked me for having him, paying for food and fun, nothing. Suffice it to say our friendship is pretty much non-existent.
26. Sleeping in the Bathtub
A couple of years ago, both my roommate and I worked at the same nightclub. We finished work at about 4 AM, and while walking home, he got a phone call from an old school friend. All I could hear from the call was, "Yeah, sure, just head over." By the time we got back to the apartment, he was already there. Let's call him “J.” Bear in mind, this is almost 4.30 am.
Apparently, he had been forced to leave home, and he just needed somewhere to spend the night. My roommate out of kindness and sympathy offered him the sofa. At this point, I was living on the other sofa as my room was being painted. We went into the flat, they chatted for a bit, then my roommate bailed and went to bed.
For the next five hours, I was forced to watch YouTube videos and listen to him playing guitar including but not limited to Mike Tyson interviews, EDM videos, and how-to guides on everything under the sun. Every time I came close to falling asleep, I was jolted awake by some obnoxiously loud music. I ended up just swearing at him, took my duvet, and slept in the bath, which was undoubtedly my second worst night of sleep ever.
He stayed for six days, all of which I had off work. With no money and no sign of him leaving, I ended up walking around town all day just to avoid him. He didn't shower once in those six days, ate all my food, and took some of my comics. After he finally left, I told my roommate that he owed me a gigantic favor and promised that if I ever saw J again, I'd beat him up.
The worst part is that everyone who knows both him and I say that we’re are incredibly alike and have a lot in common. It almost makes me hate myself.
27. Neglecting Responsibilities
My girlfriend and I went away for a week and a half, and a friend of ours volunteered to housesit and take care of our two cats and two lizards. We made sure he knew what to do and wrote a care sheet for each animal and what they needed to do to keep the animals healthy while we were away. Feed the cats, clean their litter, chop up veggies for the lizards and feed them bugs, and give the lizard a quick bath if she poops because she'll definitely run around in it.
So, after we ran our friend through our daily routine to care for our pets, we said our goodbyes and went away. When we came back, our apartment looked nice, but there was a heavy cat urine smell and poop all over the apartment, and when I checked on my lizard, she had poop all over her underside. Not. Cool. Bearded dragons have salmonella in their waste, and this meant she ran a risk of getting very sick if she ran over her food.
We ended up having to take her to the vet for a $300 vet bill for tail rot and to check for contamination. The cat litter was literally solid. When confronted, he said he had just forgotten to clean it once before he left, but it looked exactly like a week and a half worth of two cat’s waste. Our one cat was so fed up with the amount of waste in the litter that we saw him peeing on the floor, which has never once happened before or since this incident.
It was clear to us that he did next to nothing to care for our pets like he promised he would. He just volunteered to stay in our apartment because it was an hour closer to his new job and completely used us. We used to be great friends, but I haven't seen him more than once in the two years since this incident. Hard to trust someone after they pull a stunt like that.
28. New Homeowner Problems
We moved into this new house, and apparently, the people who lived there before us never told their "friend" they moved. He let himself in and went into the bathroom unnoticed. I went in there some time later and found this random guy passed out in my brand-new bathroom. It was the worst first night in a new house ever.
29. My Sister’s Significant Bother
I have never actually hated anyone until I was forced to live with my sister’s boyfriend for two weeks. He was an ungrateful jerk and extremely disrespectful to my parents and sister. I’ll refer to him as M. M was staying at my parent’s house because my sister inadvertently got him kicked out of his aunt’s house. She felt bad so she asked my parents to let him stay for some time until they could find other living arrangements.
He brought over all his stuff and made himself right at home quickly. He set up his Xbox in the living room and played Destiny all day because he didn't have a job. He's 27. He would constantly complain about the internet lagging and would tell anyone who was listening that our internet was bad. He would constantly, at least three or four times a day, take an entire loaf of pepperoni bread, fill it with cheese, bake it, eat some, and then throw it away.
He literally screamed at my mother that she was disrespecting him when she called his music screamo and had a hissy fit. He and my sister shared a room right next to mine, and at night I could hear him singing to her. Not so bad except he proclaimed that he was incredibly talented and never missed a chance to mention it.
The best part about his stay though was when he told me that aliens were on earth, helped build the pyramids, and altered our DNA so that we evolved faster. He would also constantly tell my sister what to do and was very controlling. My sister now lives with him in an apartment. He recently crashed her car and fled the scene. I hate him.
30. Breaking Under Interrogation
My younger brother is mildly autistic, so we don't deal with him all that much different than any other kid, but he can get a bit much with the questions. It feels like you're getting interrogated at times because he has so much to ask, but it's easy to cut him a little slack with it. It’s no big deal…if you’re not a jerk.
At the time, he was around 6, and I was 15. I had a friend over for a little while just playing some games on my Xbox. My younger brother politely knocks on my door, so I tell him to come in, and he proceeds to start questioning us on what we're playing, about the game, etc., etc. They were normal questions, but there were just lots of them.
Eventually, my friend had enough and told him he needed to shut up. My younger brother responded to him by saying he’s only asking and asked me another question. Before anyone has a chance to do anything, my friend decided to shout at him to shut up and proceeded to slap my younger brother around the head. He got kicked out pretty quickly, and our friendship deteriorated pretty rapidly after that.
31. Please Pick Up Your Child
My best friend while growing up came over, sat on the couch, and complained the entire time about literally everything. She complained about the food, the summer heat, how she was bored even though I was trying my best to entertain her, and the list goes on and on. She was rude, swore at everyone, and whenever I was talking about something like politics, for example, she would get angry and be like, "When did you ever care about that?!" Like it was something to be ashamed of.
I had to call her mom who lived four hours away to come to pick her up. I was so embarrassed. She was awful to my roommates.
32. A Convenient Layaway
I had a roommate allow his ex-girlfriend to stay a few weeks with us. She was the stereotype of a crazy ex and was only staying with us because her new "ex" boyfriend had been threatening to hurt her, or so she claimed. She brought her cat with her, and my roommate and I already have a cat each that got along well. And her cat was so mean. Obviously, she was freaked out from being in a new place, but she would attack my cat, who was a two-month-old kitten still as he was learning how to be social and play.
On top of it all, she didn't have a key, so she would wait until everyone else left before she did. I mean she’d just leave the house and not lock the door or anything. Every day after my roommate left, if she was still home, she would use that time to call her ex and get into crazy arguing fights with him and you could tell she wasn't all there. Each fight ended with her swearing and hanging up, and then she would hook up with my roommate when he got home.
The worst part about it is she would lead him to believe they were getting closer, getting back together, that she cared about him and loved him, all while she just wanted for things to blow over, which happens at least once every few months. She just up and left one day, and my roommate got really depressed and withdrawn for a long time.
33. Sticky Fingering Through
My mum let a family friend in my room once to play Xbox. I wasn't home at the time, so I didn't see it, but I had forgotten my phone one day. So as soon I get home, I frantically look for it as I normally would. My phone was nowhere in sight, so I was like whatever, I'll look for it later and chill with this dude on Xbox.
The dude seems extra nervous, so I start catching onto this guy. I go through one of my drawers, which had about a hundred dollars in it, and guess what, it's gone. I decide to mess with this dude, so I said my phone has a tracker app on it and that I was going to report it to the authorities, which was completely made up, but hey, he bought my story and was getting nervous.
He goes over to his mum and speaks in his native language, so I can't understand. He did use "phone" in English, and at that point, I knew he took both of them. I told my dad, and he went off on this dude just full-on shouting at him until he started crying, which was hilarious. He returned my stuff afterward and just waited outside.
His mother was crying profusely and kept apologizing and saying stuff like "I never knew he had this side to him" and "There must be a reason why he took your stuff," but I knew she was in on it too. I had no sympathy for either of them.
34. Services Not Included
Years ago, I was a recruiter for one of the Armed services, and one of my recruits had a brother who wanted to enlist but needed to complete his GED to be eligible and needed a place to stay while completing it. The brother had become a pretty good friend and vouched for his brother, so I let him stay with me at my home.
It became obvious pretty quickly that the brother had a drinking problem. The GED program I had him enrolled in was only a 2-week program, so we decided to just try to ride it out. What a mistake. One night, about halfway through his scheduled stay, I got a 2 AM phone call from the local Air Force base saying they had recovered my government car, and I should come get it and fill out some paperwork. I looked out my window, and yup, my car was gone. I wasn't even supposed to have it home with me that night.
I got dressed and then realized that the guy was gone. The dummy drank a ton and decided to pretend he was CIA and try to get onto base. When the MPs at the gate wouldn't let him pass, he tried to ram the gate and was tased then cuffed. Needless to say, he never completed the GED program and spent some time locked up.
35. Hanging Over Mom
I was 18 and slept on my best friend’s floor after a party. In the morning, I got up and needed to be sick right away. I barged into the bathroom and threw up my entire body weight in the toilet. Not so bad...until I turn around to see his mum in the bath with candles having a nice morning relax. I was horrified. She was more horrified. My friend was on the floor in tears laughing.
I had a great relationship with them both so was allowed back after profuse apologies.
36. Slither the Rainbow!
In my sophomore year of college, my best friend and I decided to split a room in a house with some other people to save money on rent. In order to both fit inside this small room, we bought cheap loft beds from IKEA and stuck our desks underneath them. It was an old house and the loft beds were pretty high, so we only had maybe a foot or two feet clearance above these things. It wasn't the easiest set up to get in and out of. You literally had to slither. We were broke, and it worked.
So, one weekend, a friend of mine from high school decides to come visit. Let's call her "Nicole." My housemates throw a huge party for 75-ish people, the works. We all get pretty loose, with said friend from high school especially so. She heads up to my room early into the night, slithers into the loft bed, and passes out. A little while later, a friend of mine walks up to me with a horrified look on his face. "You need to go look in your room."
I couldn’t believe what I saw. Lo and behold, Nicole had gotten sick in her sleep. Disoriented and sloppy, she hadn't been able to slither back out of the loft. So, she had leaned over the side. In a spectacular fashion, she spewed a perfect semicircle of rainbow-colored vomit around the bed. I don't know how one body can hold that much vomit.
It was everywhere. Somehow even splattered up onto the desk that was directly below the bed. I cleaned up as best I could but kept finding flecks of vomit on things for months. Thanks, Nicole. She’s still one of my best friends, though.
37. A Real Homewrecker
Back in my married days, my "best friend" fell on some hard times after having his appendix removed. My wife and I decided that he could stay with us until he could find a job as his mom had just moved across the state and he had no other family. At the time, I worked 56-hour shifts, so I was gone from Sunday night to Wednesday afternoon, and my wife was a nursing student who worked at the same place I did a few hours a day.
He stayed with us for five months, and I got him a job with the company my wife and I worked for. Things were great the entire time. He paid rent, he kept his room clean, and I always had someone to watch football and chat with. And then one day, my entire life shattered into a million pieces. I caught my wife in a lie, and when the truth came out, I learned that she was hooking up with a co-worker.
She decided that rather than trying to salvage our marriage, she wanted to end it. Thank God, my friend was there for me, giving me a shoulder to cry on, and someone to share the big empty house with after she moved in with the other guy. A couple of months after she left, we went on a road trip to the city and after a few bars, decided to go to a club.
It wasn't long before he got us kicked out. As we drove away, he began throwing things out of the sunroof of my car, and I asked him to either knock it off or walk the next 10 blocks to our motel. He was partied out, but he opted to get out of the car and walk for whatever reason. As I loaded my stuff into my motel room, I heard a crash and saw him smash my driver's side window and break off my side-view mirror. I immediately called 9-1-1 to report it, and they showed up just as he was returning from the Applebee’s across the street that he had been kicked out of.
He began screaming at me and telling the authorities that I had just been driving under the influence. The officers told him that he needed to stop screaming or that he'd be busted for public disturbance. He stopped immediately. Then he did something that made my blood run cold. I could see a wave of calm pass through him when he looked me in the eye and with a completely sober and unemotional voice said, "Michael, I've been sleeping your wife for months now, and you're too stupid to even realize it."
The officers immediately smashed his face into the trunk of the cop car and cuffed him. One of them actually asked if I was going to be alright because he could see I was pretty badly shaken up. After that, I never talked to him again. When he got back to town, the locks were changed, and his stuff was in the front yard.
A couple of years later he actually started dating my ex-wife, and through hearing from friends and reading available court records online, it seems their relationship ended with her in the hospital and him locked up for a long time. I would never wish that on anyone, but what an ending to that era of my life.
Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune
38. Be Our Guest
I invited my friend over to stay for the weekend. I swear that I had never seen this side of him before. The whole time he was demanding for things left and right and treating me like his servant because "he's my guest and I'm supposed to treat him." He was just straight up disrespectful. I always treat my guests well. That's just a basic part of having them over, but this guy was just acting like it was his home and not being appreciative of anything at all.
Then when I would go to his house, he would just tell me, "it's my house. I make the rules." So basically, he expected me to treat him like a god and treated me like dirt. He’s a huge jerk and we’re no longer friends.
39. Me and My Brat Sister
My wife and I let my sister stay with us after my folks finally kicked her out the first time. She had to be about 18-19 at the time. She was to watch our toddler son for us while we were at work. When we got home, we often had to clean up the kitchen and most of the house because she was a slob who couldn't be bothered to clean up either her messes or the boy's.
It came to a head one day, when my wife discovered among all the left-out food and dishes, that my sister had browned some ground beef in her brand-new wok using a fork. The wok was scarred and scratched beyond belief. My wife freaked for a second and asked her why she did that. A couple of minutes later, my sister walked up to me in a huff and yelled, "You better talk to that terrible wife of yours..."
She went on for several minutes calling my wife all kinds of names and threatening what she would do if "that terrible hag" says anything else to her. She had the nerve to look surprised when I calmly told her to get her stuff because she wasn't spending that night at our house. She said, “You're gonna kick me out because of that awful woman?!?" I just say, “Yep." We were tired of walking on eggshells around her combustibility anyway.
40. Catastrophic Events
We had one of my dad’s friends visit a long time ago, and he really hated cats. So much so, it was to the point where he would kick our cat under the table. Literally, he had been in our house for five minutes, and he kicked our cat in the hallway. What a jerk. So, our cat peed in his shoes and left him a surprise in his suitcase the day he was leaving.
41. Holding Down Fort Box
On our first anniversary, my girlfriend and I decided to go out of town for the weekend. We needed someone to look after our cat, and the only guy available was my friend Andrew. In hindsight, it was a total mistake asking him to do it, because he was a complete slob, but he was our only option, and we figured he'd have enough decency not to mess up our place. Yeah, bad idea.
The first thing we noticed when we got home was that almost all of our dishes were dirty and stacked in a big pile in the sink. In the fridge, we discovered a half-eaten apple pie from Pizza Hut covered in chicken bones. Investigating further, I found that he had broken some of my things, supposedly by accident.
But the real surprise was what came next. We went into the basement to do laundry. He had built a big fort out of cardboard boxes with some rotting pizza left inside. I later discovered that he had been using my video camera and recorded himself "living" in the box fort, eating chicken wings, and wearing my clothes while a friend of his danced around totally undressed in the background.
42. Take It and Go
My now-wife's old friend had been living with her sister and kicked out over an argument or something involving her sister's wife/girlfriend/whatever. I let her stay for two weeks while she looked for a place. Two months in, an insane water bill and some shifty behavior later, I confront her, and she calls law enforcement on me. Luckily, I answered the door. I was totally calm, actually genuinely confused, and the authorities believed me and not the apparently crazy woman.
Unfortunately, law enforcement has to give me some bad news. It turns out she got mail at my house and that proves residency. I have to go through eviction proceedings. That would take months. She was going to be there at our first Christmas dinner we are hosting in the new home. I ended up having to bribe her to move out early. Apparently. that's a thing, cash for keys. It happened five years ago, and it still sticks in my craw.
43. Turn Down for What
I threw a huge party to celebrate graduation and let some frat boys come to it because they were cute. This one turd, Kyle, decided that my 16-year-old cousin was the perfect target and started hitting on her touching her thighs and neck and making her really uncomfortable. She is by no means shy and she kept telling him to leave her alone.
He decided to just pull his pants down in front of her. The room was dead quiet, and everyone just stared. A few guys stood up to go beat him up over it, and she just smiled, grabbed him, and twisted it so hard that he passed out and threw up. I was proud. It was the best party ever besides all that.
44. King of the Dumps
I seem to rate guests by how much they damage my toilet. When I was a kid, my childhood friend David came around for dinner. I don't think he even ate the lovely meal my mum prepared for him. He just went and sat on the toilet for like four hours and left the worst stink imaginable. David was my worst houseguest ever…until years later when Derek stayed.
Well, when Derek stayed, we'd get woken up each morning really early by him wandering around the house. He would've been getting a few "early" drinks in. Then the inevitable sound of violent diarrhea hitting a toilet would echo through the house every morning. The smell still haunts me.
45. A Big Jump
In college, we lived in a brand-new apartment complex that was nicer than any apartment I'll live in my entire life. There was a legit hot tub in there. Once, we threw a big party for a bunch of athletes as my roommate was on our football team, and things got out of hand quickly. There were people banging in our laundry room, girls dancing on top of our refrigerator, people hanging from our kitchen lights, etc. Well, eventually, Pitbull's “Don't Stop the Party” song came on, and all the massive football players started jumping in unison.
Suddenly, I heard a blood-curdling noise. I ran into our living room, which was the dance floor. The floor broke. The football players broke about six studs in the floor, which caused the floor to sink about five inches. Everybody decided to scatter and that's when we noticed the missing hanging light in our kitchen, two missing doorknobs, and our broken coffee table.
My roommates and I had to pay $5,600 to fix the damages. None of the guests donated any money to fix anything.
46. Bedspread of Issues
I wasn't there for this, but I will relate it through what my then-roommate told me. In the summer of 2011, I went to Europe to study abroad for the summer. My rent was already paid, so I told my friend he could stay in my room for free until I got back. All he had to do was help my roommate with utilities. Since I would be gone for two months, this was a pretty good deal. My roommate knew him, and they got along fine, so I didn't see a problem.
At the end of the summer, I finally landed stateside, and my roommate called me to tell me the story of what had happened with Jason, the guy who was staying in my room. Jason's fiancée was in the Peace Corps, and she was stationed in a village in Burkina Faso. Jason had visited her at the beginning of the summer before he moved into my place.
However, somehow, he neglected to get all his shots, and he came back to the US and my apartment with a pretty serious case of Hepatitis B. He ignored it for weeks, apparently, until the mother of my roommate's friend, this friend was yet another person who was crashing at our place for the summer in our crowded apartment, who was an EMT noticed that he had taken on the complexion of a Simpson’s character. She basically forced him to go to the hospital and get treated. But it didn't end there.
According to my roommate, the CDC contacted both her and the other person staying in our apartment and told them they had to get vaccinated before they could go back to work. My roommate was working with children at the time, so she missed an entire week of work. What's worse, neither my roommate nor the other guy had a car and Jason did.
When politely asked if maybe Jason could drive the two of them to get their Hep B vaccine, Jason flat out refused, telling them it wasn't his problem. So, they spent an entire afternoon navigating bus routes while potentially carrying Hep B in order to get their vaccines. If that weren't enough, Jason had apparently been sweating up a storm in the Maryland summer and sleeping on my bed without sheets. He also had not cleaned my bathroom all summer.
Hep B is transmitted through bodily fluids, and he left my bathroom covered in his germs. I got all this news after a nine-hour flight from London, and I couldn't do anything except sit in the terminal at O'Hare and cry. That was the end of our friendship.
47. Not in This House
I lived at home for most of college and my sophomore year. My brother who was in the Marines and stationed in Okinawa called to ask if his fiancé could come live with us until he got home in nine months. We didn't know he was engaged. For some inexplicable reason, my parents agreed. She moved into the spare room, and she seemed really sweet at first. And then it started to become clear that she was a pathological liar and a thief.
She lied about our dog getting grabbed from the yard and taken away. The dog had just gotten out of the fence and wandered into the neighbor’s yard and made friends with their beagle. And then she went out and adopted a dog without warning anyone. My family, being dog lovers, couldn't bear to kick it out. Of course, she never trained her dog, which proceeded to pee all over the rug in her room so it had to be replaced. The dog also started to get nasty and snap at people because she never corrected him when he did.
The last straw, which led to forcibly moving her belongings out to the curb and locking the doors, was when she took my parent’s checkbooks and tried to write checks at the gas station down the street. Fortunately, I worked at that gas station, and the manager knew my family and thus knew it was a forgery. He called law enforcement and had her detained, and then called me to give me a heads up.
We called her cell and left a voicemail telling her she was out and moved her stuff outside. Since the dog had never seen a vet or been neutered, I decided it was in his best interest to find a new home and took him to the SPCA. She never went looking for him.
48. Keeping It Cool
My brother-in-law is a great guy, and I love him but my gosh, he is a diva. He is on the larger side of the spectrum, and we currently live in Florida where it gets pretty hot and muggy. Being a college student taking seven classes, I don't have much money. So, we try to keep the air around 75, never lower. Well, since he was coming, I decided to tell him that if he wanted to lower the air a bit, he could but to keep it above 72.
I woke up freezing all three nights in a row because he would get up once we fell asleep and turn our air down to 65. If I left for class, he would do it again. Every time. Finally, I had my wife confront him because I thought it would be easier coming from his sister and tell him he could use a fan to cool down. He proceeded to tell her she was dumb and that a fan used just as much electricity as the air did cooling the entire apartment. We won't be hosting him for a while.
49. Trying to Trap a Pest
I was living in Eugene, Oregon at the time, and a "good friend" of mine asked me if it was ok if his girlfriend crashed on my couch for a couple of days. She was coming down from Portland to visit him and didn't have the money for a hotel. He was still living at home so that was out of the question. I said sure, no problem, she's welcome to stay. Huge mistake.
A few days after she arrived, he broke up with her, and she wouldn't leave. She ate all my food, used my electricity, and was an all-around massive jerk. I'm normally a pretty mellow person, but I got so mad at her one day that I accidentally broke my bathroom window just by slamming the bathroom door to get away from her.
It didn't help that my roommate was in love with her and kept begging me to let her stay. I finally just had enough one day and went off on my "good friend" about how she was his problem, and he needed to solve it. He found out she had a warrant for her in Portland, so he arranged to meet her downtown so that they could "get back together and move by bus to California.”
He tipped off one of the downtown security people back when Eugene still had the huge walking mall letting them know that she had a bunch of illicit substances on her, and a warrant for her. They nabbed her, and she called me to beg me to bail her out. I laughed and hung up the phone on her. I never heard from her again either.
50. Counting Down the Seconds
It was a few years back on New Year’s Eve, and I had about three or four families staying the night at my place. All coming from Sydney and Wollongong. May I just mention that for a while during that time I was a little depressed, although not diagnosed with anything, and did NOT like crowds. I still don't enjoy crowds at all.
I didn't know why they were all coming to my place in such a small and boring town of Bathurst to see the firework show when the one in Sydney was so much more exciting. This, of course, made me even more depressed as my entire house was taken over by obnoxious little children who were so loud, I actually considered running away for the weekend. This is extremely abnormal behavior for me as I am a complete goody-two-shoes, but of course, I didn’t. Now you're probably thinking, “Just lock yourself in your room, it'll be fine!” Nope.
That was not an option at the time because one of my relatives was staying in my room. My auntie from Sydney and one of her sons who was around five or six at the time. I had to sleep on the couch, but to be honest, I didn't really mind considering it was much cooler in the lounge room than my bedroom. Yes, New Year’s is in summer in Australia for those who are unaware.
The next morning, I found out that my auntie’s son had wet himself on MY bed. I was devastated as if it couldn't get any worse, but oh dear god, it sure did. When all of my visitors had finally left, I was sure I needed to see a doctor and get medication for a possible case of depression I could have developed during the horrible time, but I decided I would just forget about it and read a good book. You know, just flush all the anger out, relax, and forget about everything.
Well no. When I went to grab my favorite book at the time and discovered that someone, possibly the same pest that had wet my bed, had scribbled all over the pages with pen and ripped a few out. I thought I was going to die. I usually freak out when objects are out of position on my desk, let alone having my favorite book at the time completely destroyed.
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