Growing up, we all had friends whose parents acted nothing like we expected. After all, as kids, we just assume all parents are boring, just like ours. However, that’s not always the case when it comes to the parents of our friends. From sharing way too much information to needless passive-aggressive behavior and way, way worse, these true stories have everything and more when it comes to friends’ bizarre parents.
1. At the Bottom
When I was in high school, I was having dinner at my girlfriend’s parents’ place one night. She had two older brothers who were there as well. So, I was setting my plate down at the table when suddenly I felt someone slap my bum, I turned around, and it was her dad. We both just looked at each other, and he apologized.
He said he thought that I was one of his sons. I could tell he was pretty embarrassed. That was an awkward dinner…especially because he didn’t like me very much.
2. No Words
My friend’s dad who I didn’t know very well and I suddenly had a staring contest over dinner, and we just kept on having them after that. We’ve never talked; nothing happened; just had a staring contest every time I had dinner. I was 10 at the time.
3. Need a Trojan, Not an Achilles
I had a friend in high school whose dad was a sheriff. His mom was a podiatrist. A couple of years after being friends, his parents divorced. After that, I ran into the mom at a bar. We’re talking for a bit when a guy came and said something along the lines of, “If you’re not willing to pay, you guys are done talking.”
She didn’t say anything. Realizing who he was, I said goodbye and walked off. I ran into the friend a couple of years later, but never brought it up.
4. Get Back
I slept over my friend’s house, and in the middle of the night, I felt someone really, really close to my face as I was laying down. I opened my eyes a little and saw his mom in my face. Terrifying.
5. What Next?
In my senior year of high school, I asked out a girl right before school ended for the summer. She said she wanted to be friends. Bummer, but at least I’d never kick myself for not trying. I was still invited to her graduation party at her house and went as I also liked being friends with her regardless of any romance.
Her dad met me in the kitchen at the party and patted me on the back saying, “Bummer about her saying no. If it was up to me, you’d already be my son-in-law.” Not sure how to respond, I awkwardly laughed and said thanks. Oh, but it gets even weirder. Not 20 minutes later, he walked into a shed outside and asked us if we wanted to see a magic trick.
He then proceeded to pull a dove out of his pants. A living, breathing dove. The guy was one of the nicest people I’ve met, but I never knew what he was going to say or do next.
6. What Are My Charges?
A friend’s father was absolutely convinced that I was only his daughter’s friend for money. They weren’t exactly rich, maybe a tiny bit better off than we were, but it was impossible for him to know that. When she needed a new cable after one of her pets chewed on it, he stormed into her room while we were hanging out.
He demanded to know why I thought he would buy me something. My friend had to cut in and explain that it was her cable, not mine. He’d complain if I spent the night because he had to feed me like I was a stray cat. The worst part was he made extremely inappropriate jokes throughout dinner with me there. I was maybe 14.
7. Years in the Making
I’ve known this boy since we were babies. Our parents always thought it was adorable that we were always together. His dad was convinced we would end up married. Our entire lives, his dad would try to get us together. He went as far as to send his son to my university so we could finally “fall in love and get married.”
It was very creepy. When I married my husband, I got a Facebook message from his dad saying how disappointed he was in me for not marrying his son. I blocked him.
8. What Kind of Stuffing Is That?
When I was 15, one of my best friend’s mothers was a raging alcoholic who’d start drinking in the afternoon and be out by 9 PM. Whenever I was over, the worse she was, the more fixated she’d become with my bust. She didn’t have much and was convinced I had padding. She even made me take off my bra one night to inspect.
We were all really uncomfortable, but it was the only way to get her to stop talking about my breasts.
9. What a Pleasure
In fourth grade, my best friend lived just down the street from the school, so we would regularly go there after school. Her mom was an addict, and her step-dad drank, and routinely during sleepovers, we would hear them doing it loudly. My friend told me one day, she had found this big orange vibrator in her mom’s room.
Then she explained to me what, in fact, that was. A couple of weeks later, we walked over after school to find the house littered with bright orange shreds…the family boxer had found her mom’s vibrator too.
10. Bad Moves
I was heading back from the annual county fair with a childhood friend and his cousin to my friend’s house. I’d gotten really sick at the fair and was sprawled out in the back of my friend’s cousin’s car trying my best not to puke everywhere. It didn’t help that we live out in the mountains so the drive was unbearable.
Out of desperation for my stomach pain to pass, I didn’t even turn on the lights when I got to his house. I was in for a disturbing surprise. I fell onto the bed in the dark only to find his dad under me snoring. Apparently, my friend’s dad was staying up waiting for us to get home and fell asleep on his bed. I obviously woke him up, and he freaked out.
He turned on the lights, and yup, he was in his underwear. When he saw it was us, he laughed at the situation, but it was definitely one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I’m just glad I didn’t throw up on him.
11. Helping Out
When I was around 10 years old, I was sleeping over at my best friend Juan’s house. We usually stayed up really late playing and would sleep in until about 11 or 12, which I loved because I rarely got to do that at my house. At about 8 AM, his dad came into the room and told me to get dressed because he needed my help.
His dad was a big drinker, so either his breath reeked from the last night or he had had one for breakfast, either way, he was a bit buzzed. He told me he needed my help picking out a toy for Juan as a surprise and we’re going to drive to Walmart. So, we got in the car and went to Walmart which was 10 minutes away.
It was a pretty awkward ride, and he started asking me questions like how I was liking school, and if I had a girlfriend yet. We got to Walmart, and he brought me to the toy section and asked me which toy I think Juan would like. I walked around and saw Darth Vader’s Tie Fighter. Juan and I were huge Star Wars fans.
We’d even seen Empire Strikes Back in theaters when it was rereleased, so I knew he’d like it. He bought the toy, and then we had another awkward car ride back. He thanked me for helping and told me to keep it a secret. I changed into my pajamas and tried to go back to sleep, but like 10 minutes later, his dad came in.
He surprised him with the toy and gave me a wink. I found out that he had me go on this mission because he’d been trashed a few nights before and hit Juan, and he wanted to make it up to him. As far as I know, that’s the only time that ever happened, but we lost touch after eighth grade. It was all just really strange.
12. Loyalty Lies
I was about 12 and had this friend from secondary school. We’d spend the weekend having sleepovers and stuff like that. One weekend after her birthday, we went to town, and after her mom told her not to spend her birthday money buying presents for a boy she liked; she did. We were sitting in a cafe with her mom later.
Her mom asked, “Did you spend all your birthday money on that boy?” After a tense back and forth of my friend denying and trying to say no, her mom turned to me and asked if she had. I tried to avoid the question. After being told I was not allowed to lie, I HAD to tell the truth. I told the truth. My friend got upset.
I apologized to my friend, “I had to! She asked.” Her mom started going off about how I was a jerk and didn’t have to tell her. I could have said I respected my friend’s privacy and didn’t want to say anything. We didn’t really hang out after that. Her mom tried to guilt me about not hanging out with my friend anymore.
I feel bad in hindsight; it wasn’t my friend’s fault. 12-year-old me just really didn’t want to get caught in another family’s drama.
13. For the Future
At 8 years old, I was at my friend’s house for a sleepover. His parents start arguing over something. But my friend’s dad looked straight at me and said, “Never get married.” At 8 years old, I had no idea what to do with this information, so I just froze.
14. Along for the Ride
We picked up my friend’s mom one night at a bar because she couldn’t drive, and on the way back, she kept yelling “I’m not going to sleep with you!” to me in the backseat. That was the strangest one-hour ride of my life.
15. Wearing It Wrong
We went to see a girl my best friend liked. They’d gone out a few times, and we were all great friends. We went to her parents’ house and were in the kitchen. She went to the back to grab something and left me by the door. My friend was a few steps away on the other side of the kitchen in front of the door to the hall.
While waiting, my friend noticed a basket of clean laundry that had been brought in from outside. On top was a pair of red and black frilly panties. My friend thought it’d be funny to pick it up, pretend to sniff it, and then put it on his head. As he did so, he was facing me with his back to the open door to the hall. You can guess what happened next.
I couldn’t speak from shock because behind him was the girl’s mother who stood watching what he was doing. He noticed my expression, slowly turned around, and just looked at her, and said, “Sorry,”’ sheepishly while shamefully taking the panties off his head. Her mom said that they were hers and not the girl’s anyways.
16. Listen to Mother
My ex’s mother used to kindly and passively-aggressively make me stay when I was over. He was 25 and still lived at home. She was so eager for me to date him and stick around that she’d go out of her way to dote on me aggressively. She’d find ways to make me stay longer and even outright say it’s rude to leave so soon.
She’d find another board game, or another movie, or another snack to get me to stay over longer. She bought me strange presents like knick-knacks and porcelain figurines. He wasn’t a bad guy, but mommy dearest had babied him so much that he didn’t know how to do anything for himself. He expected me to take care of him.
Me, a then-19-year-old who hadn’t even started college yet and was working part-time at a Dunkin Donuts. I also still lived at home. His mom just expected that she could completely enable him and baby him and then hand him off to a girl who would do the same for the rest of his life. She was crazy. We didn’t date long.
17. Wasn’t Me
I practically lived over at my friend’s house from my mid to late teens. They were a devout Pentecostal family, and his father was treasurer of their church. I went over to their house and walked in when both parents were immediately in my face, yelling “Did you take money from us!” Someone had taken $2,000 from the church funds.
They accused me. Then the mother broke down and started crying sitting on the couch with her hands in her face bawling. They all started praying for the return of the money. Then they prayed over me for guidance to do the right thing. I thought, “What’s happening?” What they didn’t know was that their son had a secret.
He had had his eye on a $2,000 Nikon F3 camera for a few months, and his parents wouldn’t buy it for him. What really blew my mind was he bought the camera, and they never suspected him of taking the money. And he never apologized to me for it.
18. Have a Glass!
Once, I was at my friend’s house, and his father came to me asked if I want anything to drink. I politely asked for a glass of water. Very seriously, he responded with, “Oh, sorry. I don’t think we have any water. Would you like some pasta instead?” Thinking it’s some kind of joke I said sure. He went into the kitchen.
He came back a little later with a drinking glass full of spaghetti and handed it to me before going back to whatever he was doing. I was quite confused.
19. Gross Feelings
The mom of one of my school friends was a renowned nasty woman. One time, I was going to some pet show thing with my friend and her parents and felt carsick on the way, so they had to pull over for a minute so I could get some air. Her mother sat in the passenger seat obviously fuming at me for daring to not feel well.
A while after that, a different friend was visiting their house, and when my name came up, the mother said, “Oh, her? Ugh, she’s an insipid little creature, is she not?” A grown woman said this to two 15-year-old girls. Just because I’d felt carsick in their car that one time. I never went to that friend’s house again.
20. Can’t Be Here
I was friends with this boy, and we would go to his house after school, and his mom would watch me until my mom was done with work. One time, we got to his door, and there’s a note on it saying we needed to go to my house. The weird thing was that there was loud music coming from inside. We went to my house and waited. I still can’t believe what was really going on behind that door…
My stepdad and mom came home soon after. My mom obviously found it weird, so she ran over there and discovered his mom had tried to take her own life. It was really sad, but she seemed to have gotten help and gotten better. But it was an experience I would never forget.
21. What a Way to Spend
There’s a fine line between being frugal and being cheap. When I was a sophomore, I went on vacation with a friend’s family to some beach hotel. Downstairs, there was a super upscale seafood restaurant where we went for dinner one night dressed up in suits and everything. Unbeknownst to me, this family was quite cheap.
They weren’t “frugal” as they claimed, but cheap. First, the school board had paid for the hotel where we stayed as a “teacher’s weekend.” Second, since the restaurant was part of the hotel, we got 50% off our whole bill. Third, my mom gave his dad money for my food for the week which I could spend on any meal I’d like.
The waiter was taking drink orders. I said, “Coke, please!” His dad, from the other side of the table, asked, “You sure?” Now, everybody was staring at me ordering. I said, “Yeah, I’d just like a Coke please.” He piped up again, “Alright, well, if you’re gonna be spending your parents’ money then might as well go big!”
It’s $2 a soda but okay, whatever. I just let it pass and broke the tension by changing the subject. The drinks arrived, and it was time for us to order. His family decided for the table, for five adults, that the best plan of action was to split two small appetizers and eat free bread instead of getting individual meals.
I went to order a steak since I had my money. He said again in front of everybody, “Hopefully, you have enough money for breakfast!” At this point, I was so engulfed in this cocktail of passive-aggressive comments and cheapskate mindsets that I slowly lost my appetite and just sat there picking at the appetizer we got.
The appetizer was fried calamari on a bed of spinach. The calamari disappeared, and the plate of greens was just sitting there for a few minutes. Our waiter had just started and was being trained that day. He came to get the plates. All of a sudden, his dad said loudly for the restaurant to hear, “Where’s the spinach?”
The waiter rushed over and asked what was wrong trying to diffuse it. He might as well have had walked up and kicked him right in the balls because his dad erupted in rage. He had taken the waiter cleaning the plates off the table as some personal threat and went off the rails. My friend stepped in to try and calm him.
He shouted, and I quote, to his own son, “Screw you! I’m not going to calm down. You’re the kid, I’m the dad. Remember that.” He eventually calmed down to a point when the manager not only comped him his half-priced order of waters and calamari for free but also a second free meal to ease this man’s magnificent burden.
22. Fateful Step
I convinced my friend who had overprotective parents to take the metro with me and go 40 minutes away from home to buy fireworks. When we were on our way back, just as we stepped off the bus, his mom passed by at the same time. He started crying before his mom had even said a word to him, and he was grounded for weeks.
I witnessed his mom go red in the face and scream at him from across the street. Prior to leaving, I said, “Mom, we’re going to get fireworks,” and she said, “Ok, do you need any money?” even though fireworks aren’t allowed here. We were like 11.
23. Poor Weathering
I was hanging with my best friend after school like always. His parents decided to have the last fight that dissolved their marriage. We were laughing and watching TV, and the sound of adult voices got louder and louder until it became shouting and sounds of upsetting crying. It was like a storm coming in from nowhere.
24. Texts from Mom
My younger sister’s male friend came out as gay when they were in high school. One night when I was visiting home, I was hanging out with my sister while she was browsing Facebook, and she called me over because she was getting messages from a different mutual friend’s mom who had asked her, “Your friend’s gay, right?”
When my sister said yeah, this woman started describing male-male sensual acts as if to say, “Oh yeah, I know what that is,” but it was really explicit stuff to a 16-year-old girl about a 16-year-old boy. I told my sister to ask her how much she’d had to drink that night, and when she did, the woman stopped responding.
It got a step weirder when we met up with the woman’s sons, our friends, and told them about the weird things their mother had said, and their response was to think it was hilarious instead of being embarrassed.
25. Didn’t Mean to Spy
When we were 18, we’re driving around the sketchy part of town late at night chatting, singing to music, and wandering about as teenagers do on a double date. I often slept over at my friend’s house and spent a lot of time with his family. My boyfriend’s mom worked with his mom, so he also knew my friend’s family well.
My friend had been dating his girlfriend for a few years, so she knew his parents well. We saw his dad’s car, which was surprising, as it was at least midnight, and he usually slept early. There’s no way we could’ve predicted what happened next. We then saw him pull over and pick up what was a girl clearly working the streets. We could clearly see and recognize his dad.
We saw her lean over as they drove past. After that, we’re all very quiet. I drove everyone home and took my friend back to my house at his request. I figured he didn’t want to confirm that his dad wasn’t home where he should’ve been to maintain the pretense that it may not have been him. We never spoke about it again.
We all had a hard time being comfortable around either of his parents again.
26. Cheesy Dad
When I was nine, my friend’s dad brought cheesecake to a family event at school. When I was talking to a classmate, my friend’s dad walked over to us, took a bite of his pie, looked at us, and went, “Mmm, mmm, goodness, this cake is better than doing the deed,” and walked off as if he wasn’t talking to two nine-year-olds.
27. Purity Pirates
I was over at a friend’s house when we were about 15. My friend was cooking dinner while I was in the living room flipping through channels and saw that Pirates of The Caribbean was on, and yelled to my friend, “Man, Johnny Depp is the hottest, right?” And I noticed a weird shift in the house. Her mom’s reaction was chilling.
She ran over to the kitchen, and I heard my friend and her mom speaking kind of harshly, but I couldn’t make anything out. I never brought it up because things calmed down after that. Later, my friend said that her mom interrogated her about me sleeping with people because how was a virgin supposed to know what hot is.
My friend had to fully reassure her mom that she and I were both virgins. Funnily enough, I was and my friend wasn’t.
28. Ukraine Do Anything
My best friend when I was 10 had recently moved to the US from Ukraine. We hung out practically every day at my place. His parents didn’t speak English, but his mom was always nice enough when she picked him up. Once, coincidentally, his dad drove by my house while we were outside playing soccer against each other.
He realized it was us while driving by and slammed on his brakes, and his truck came to a loud, screeching halt. He got out of the truck, waved, and ran to the back of his pickup. I had never met him before, but he waved, smiled, and grabbed some stuff from his pickup and came over. Initially, the brakes had scared me.
But then he ran up, shook my hand, said a bunch of stuff in Russian, then gave us a whole 12 pack of Cherry Pepsi and a big block of cheese. They talked briefly for a couple of minutes. Then he waved and left. I thought it was weird to get a whole 12 pack and especially a block of cheese. I was leery about the cheese.
It seemed weird to eat just cheese, and I didn’t really know the guy who gave it to us. But since it was my friend’s dad and I was hungry, I figured it was cool. And it was. We stopped playing soccer about 10 minutes later because we’d each chugged a couple of cans of Pepsi, ate lots of cheese, and wanted to take it easy.
Another time, I was hanging out with him outside his house. We were playing outside while his dad was doing some yard work. Suddenly, their neighbor came outside and started shouting at my friend’s dad. Apparently, my friend’s dad would always park in the neighbor’s assigned parking spot. The neighbor was done with it.
The neighbor was yelling at my friend’s dad who, again, didn’t speak a lick of English. My friend’s dad was watering some plants, so when the guy started yelling at him in a language he didn’t understand, my friend’s dad decided to just spray the dude with the gardening hose. Just like the last encounter, I was scared.
But then his dad started laughing because he’d soaked the other guy who then ran away. My friend and I started laughing too, and he gave us both high fives. I guess that was the third “strike” on my friend’s dad, and after that incident, he couldn’t stay at the trailer park where they were. He lived on his own for a bit.
He was away from the family just for a few months until they all could move back together. My last memory of his dad was when I was 16 and my car broke down while I was on the road. The timing belt broke, so the engine wouldn’t run. My car was stranded on the side of the road. I needed to get the car to my high school.
I figured we could fix it in our auto class for cheap but paying $100+ for a tow would’ve hurt me as a junior. I was with my Ukrainian friend, and since my dad was at work, we called his dad to get us. He got there and pulled a big thick rope from his truck bed instead of pushing our car to the side to deal with later.
He tied it to the back of his truck and then tied it under my car. He gave instructions to my friend for him to translate, “I’m going to pull you. Keep the car in neutral. Stay as close to my bumper as possible because if you brake too much it’ll break the rope. Only brake when I brake, but don’t brake harder than me.”
He then “towed” me to the high school which was around three miles away. I was very nervous because even at the rope’s full length, I wasn’t more than half a car length behind him, but I couldn’t put any more distance between us. I thought that to compensate for this, he’d at least drive slowly to avoid accidents but nope.
He drove fast and braked fast. It was terribly nerve-wracking, but I managed to stay on his bumper the whole way and didn’t run into him or brake too hard and snap the rope. Afterward, he gave us a ride home. He’s a weird dude, and if he was in my life all the time, I wouldn’t like him. Occasionally, he’s really cool.
29. Find Your Own Supply
I was in middle school on summer break hanging with a friend in the middle of the day. He was rolling a joint at his desk when his bedroom door flew open. There stood his mom enraged. She shouted, “Where did you get that!?” He stumbled, stammered, then mumbled something. His mom stopped him. I couldn’t believe her reaction.
She yelled, “Get your own! Stop grabbing mine! I’m tired of moving my stash!” Then she walked out slamming the door behind her. Here I was thinking that we were both going to be in big trouble and that my parents were going to get called even though I hadn’t tried before and never had. But it just his mom who was really protective of her stash.
30. On Top of Things
Years ago, I went to my then girlfriend’s house. We were both in our early 20s at the time, and she lived with her widowed mother. I went there so often that usually I would just let myself in and call or text her that I was already waiting in the living room. Well, I did that once, and her mom came out wearing no top!
All of her glory was hanging out. She looked at me in shock, and I looked right back at her. I couldn’t help but stare at her because she honestly was quite an attractive woman. Her shock then faded away, and she said, “Oh I didn’t realize you were here. I’ll let [ex-gf’s name] know,” then she smiled and casually left.
31. Close Connection
It was in the early days of our romantic relationship, and we had been friends for nearly a decade before that. I had helped her father install a new home theater system complete with a satellite dish outside that had servos for it to aim itself at different satellites. He called a week later because it wasn’t working.
It was all hooked up to a single touch screen remote thing, so I talked him through it, and he told me, “Thank goodness, now I can enjoy my dirty video in peace.” I just chuckled, and then he thanked me and invited me over to check out the new system. He started stumbling on his words as he realized what he was saying.
I was like, “Mick, did you just invite me over to watch that with you?” It was just his generous personality coming through, and I was laughing my bum off. He said, “Yeah, actually that’s probably not a very good idea seeing as you’re going out with my daughter. What was I thinking?” He was fun. We had some good times.
32. Muddy Duddy
When I was about eight, my friend’s mom had just picked all the plants from her garden, so we took hoses and had a mud fight in the garden. We went inside, took a shower, changed, and continued playing. Then an hour later, we wanted to go back out and have another mud fight. Her dad was mad because we wasted so much water.
And he didn’t let us go back in and shower; he made us strip and hosed us down in the back yard. I went home right after.
33. Catch of the Day
I was 17 and went to visit a friend, but they were out shopping for school clothes. I found his dad in the garage in his new ice fishing shanty. He set it to see how things would fit including a bucket of water where the hole would be. I grabbed a pole and dropped a line in the bucket. We shot the breeze for about an hour.
No one was surprised when they got home from shopping. I kind of cherish that memory. My friend’s dad was very kind and funny.
34. I Love You This Munch
I had a friend growing up who had saints for parents. They had to have known my home was a bad place to be because they never sent me back there even after their child and I did dumb stuff. They would just send us up to her room. Sometimes I think we just pushed it on purpose to see how much her parents would tolerate.
One time when we were older, her mother took us to a concert. My friend and I loved the same music. We even had our own “band” complete with electric guitars and amplifiers and a microphone her parents let us use inside the house. We stopped it as young teenagers, and her mother agreed to chaperone us to see a concert.
The concert was held in a pretty small arena, and everyone was lighting up. As rebellious as my friend and I tried being, we were innocent in the ways of inebriation at our age. Her mom hung out towards the back of the arena, and we went right up front. It was a great experience for a young teenager at their first concert.
But we started feeling incredibly loopy. People were blowing into the air into our faces, and there was a layer of mist hanging by the ceiling. After the concert, we made our way to where her mother was waiting the entire time. We got into the car, and her mother said, “Girls, I think we might’ve gotten a little high.”
Then she brought us to Burger King, and we ate a whole lot of whopper juniors while my friend and I were annoying her the way back home. I still think of that night and chuckle to myself because the image of her strait-laced mother bringing us to Burger King just cracks me up and is one of the happiest memories I have.
35. Bad Pick Me Up
My friend’s mom would pick him up at the bus stop every day. Once, she asked if I wanted a ride home. I said sure and got in. She said she had to do something at home quickly and took us to their house. We lived two blocks from the bus stop in opposite directions. It didn’t make sense but whatever. I didn’t say anything.
We got to their house, and she sat me down at the kitchen table then yelled at me for being mean to her son for about two hours. I walked home afterward, late for dinner, and told my parents what happened. It was like she essentially kidnapped me and then yelled at me, and I still have no idea what I did to my friend.
36. Not a Good Look
When I was seven, there was this kid in my class who lived a few blocks away. He was weird, his family was weird, and he was on my block with his dad who was a scary guy wearing a dirty T-shirt with sweatpants. The kid invited me over to play some Nintendo. I really didn’t want to go. Now, my mother was overprotective.
So, I’d usually just look at her, and she could tell from my look whether it was a, “Please, mom, can I go?” Or a “Please, mom, tell them I can’t go?” My dad, however, was oblivious to the world around him. Mom wasn’t there. Dad was. So, I looked at Dad, and he’s like, “Heck yea, afternoon to myself!” He told me to go.
The kid’s dad drove one of those ancient mega-vans. The kid sat in the passenger seat. There were no back seats. So, I had to sit on a center console. The floor was covered in fast food wrappers and bags and generally smelled like garbage. We got to their house, and the place was filthy. The parents were like chimneys.
The kid’s mom kept calling me “Adam” which was not my name. I asked the kid who Adam was as we went to his room and booted up some Nintendo. He kept pushing off the question. We played for a while. After about two hours of my guard being fully on, I asked if I could go home. The kid’s dad drove me home in the mega-van.
The whole time he was cursing profusely over traffic, missed turns, etc. I was never so happy to be home. By that point, my mother was home, and she was furious that my dad sent me off with this family and was thrilled that I was back. She was mad that my father didn’t know where they lived so she couldn’t just get me.
He hadn’t felt like that was a huge deal; she felt otherwise. She was also mad because the family was known in the neighborhood. The mother had been in and out of psychiatric hospitals since she lost her oldest son, Adam. Since it had been years, I kept hearing different versions of what happened from different people. Either way, the story was horrifying.
Essentially, she was partly responsible for what happened to Adam. My mom said that she straight up did it but was found not guilty by reason of insanity, spent a few years in the state hospital, and then managed to get released. It could’ve been negligence. The dad was allegedly someone who now would be on a register.
The guy gave off a creep vibe, but it’s possible that the rumor was neighborhood hype. Years later, the kid did some time because he’d creep on women at a nearby college campus. Apparently, he was caught after breaking into some woman’s apartment to watch her sleep.
37. Standing By
I played in a band that had a girl lead singer. The entire band was a close-knit group as we spent so much time together. She asked me to ride with her to visit her grandmother in the hospital, which was four hours away. I obliged, and while we’re there, her grandmother asked to see me. I’d never met this woman before.
For some reason, she wanted to talk to me in her last few hours. She made me promise to always take care of her granddaughter. I assume the grandmother thought her granddaughter and I were in a relationship. We were not, however, nobody wanted to correct her. She was gone a couple of days later.
38. My Poor Ears
I went over to a friend’s house in third grade. They were better off than my family was. As my friend and I were eating food, I heard what I thought was the longest toot ever coming from the kitchen. I saw my friend’s dad who was there staring at me. After a few seconds, I asked my friend why her dad was tooting so much.
She then informed me that he was running the garbage disposal, and she started laughing hysterically. I’d never heard of one of those before. I still haven’t lived it down.
39. Mama’s Tasty Barbecue
One of my best friend’s mom is Jamaican, and she held these big barbecues in the summer. Her son was deployed, but she invited all his white boy friends anyway. I think it’s partly because I think she really liked us, but the main reason was to get us to eat weird things so she and her friends could laugh at our faces.
This one time she gave us what she called Jamaican meatballs. Only 3 of the 12 of us were brave enough to try some. It was me and my friends Joseph and Dave. Dave made it three bites and couldn’t cope anymore, but Joseph and I finished ours. His mom came over and told us that we had in fact just eaten bull’s testicles.
Joseph ran away to wash his mouth, but I didn’t really care. At that moment, the mother who was a little tipsy grabbed my bum saying, “I like a strong guy!” This was before I met my wife, and she was single, but still you don’t come onto your friend’s mom. I panicked and picked her up and started dancing to the reggae.
This had an advantage and a disadvantage. The advantage was she was a 5’2″ lady and I’m 6’4″ so she could no longer reach my bum or the floor. The problem was I now had a tipsy slightly amorous lady at my head height, and she went for the kiss. I should point out both my friends and her friends were very much laughing.
It was a very large uncomfortable dude holding a middle-aged lady in the air while trying to dodge a kiss from her. At this point, she gave up on my face and started kissing my neck, and I was so taken away that I dropped her! She landed flat on her bum, and it was one of those moments when everything just went silent.
It didn’t stay quiet for long though. She started laughing and half-jokingly, half-seriously said, “You better be ready because I’m gonna get you later.” She didn’t. She drank a lot and passed out just before we left. My friend and I actually put her to bed. My friend got back from deployment, and I told him the story.
He said, “Yeah, you were always her favorite.” I’ve been to many of her barbecues since, and she’s apologized, but whenever she gets a little tipsy, she likes to dance with me. She probably doesn’t try anything now because I bring my wife, but she does like to tell the story and always winks at me as if to hint things.
40. Getting Attached
I was 12 and at a friend’s house playing with Lego when suddenly, the power went out. My friend got really agitated, but I didn’t worry. His older brother stormed into the room and frantically grabbed things from under the bed. He finally pulled out a case and opened it up. He took it, loaded it, and chambered a round.
He sternly told us to stay in the room and lock the door and not to open it for anybody but him. We sat there for a while being pretty scared before he finally came back when it was alright. I went home. Later, I learned the dark truth. My friend’s mom was in a bad relationship and her boyfriend had cut the house’s power and phone line.
He continued to stalk her calling her constantly and threatening to hurt himself. We lived just across the street in a remote place, and we were the only neighbors for miles around. Not long after, my summer ended, and we moved away. I still remember that night when people knocked on our door and then talked to my mom.
She collapsed on the floor crying. He had lured my friend’s mom out to a parking lot to talk and had hurt her badly, and she was gone. After we left, I never saw my friends again.
41. Camping into a Stupor
When I was around 13 years old, I went camping with my best friend and his dad who didn’t live with him. We set up camp, and his dad said, “I’m leaving in five days at 9 AM. Be sure you’re here.” From then on, we were on our own while his dad just drank himself silly. We cooked all our own food and went on hikes each day.
One evening, we came back and found his dad wearing no clothes and singing loudly while lying on a big rock. We just went and made our dinner. On the fifth day, his dad was sober and drove us home while singing Hank Williams songs and telling off-color jokes.
42. Bad Driving Conditions
My good childhood friend, her mother, and sisters were leaving to Colorado, and her dad was staying a year behind to save up some money. I took a road trip up there a week after her mom and sisters were settled in to help my friend move in. The plan was her father would follow us behind her car with more of her things.
Then a couple of days later, I’d drive back with him when it was time to go. The trip there was fine, but when it was time to go home, everything fell apart. Right before her dad and I were about to leave, her mom told him that she wanted a divorce. The next 12 hours sucked for me. He was crying and asking if she’d take him back the whole time.
43. Where’d Everyone Go?
I was living with my friend’s house for some time in high school. One time, we decided to take his mom’s car out for a joy ride and drove over to our high school where his ex-girlfriend happened to be. She saw us driving and decided to report us saying that we’d almost ran her over and he was driving without a license.
We ended up racing home, but someone ended up showing up and taking him in. His mom was at home, but didn’t really care all that much, and right after I was standing there by myself, the first thing she said was, “Let’s order some pizza.” She handed me her debit card and gave me the pin. She told me to find her when it arrived. The pizza arrived, and I went to find her, and she ended up leaving!
To this day, I have no idea where she went, and I had a whole pizza to myself in my friend’s house with no one else home.
44. Above My Brain Wave
This girl I liked in high school decided that we weren’t a good fit. But her mom disagreed. She spent time on AIM chatting with me telling me all the things I should do to get her attention. After a few weeks of the topic, she started to tell me about her marital issues and that she was thinking of leaving her husband.
The girl I liked had no idea. It was very strange and, in retrospect, so incredibly inappropriate.
45. Cut the Cake
In eighth grade, I had a friend who came out to our friend circle as gay. It was cool, we all knew. He was not incredibly flamboyant or anything. He told us he was afraid to tell his very squared away Marine openly conservative father. He was terrified of how he would react because his dad was vocal whenever he was displeased.
Almost a year after he came out to us, he decided he wanted to tell his dad and live his truth. He asked me, other good friends, and his mom who he had told right after us to be there for him as moral support. We sat down to a really lovely, but tense meal. We had salad, entrees, and little slices of frozen cheesecake.
Nobody had said a word the whole meal. We were all pretty visibly nervous, so his dad looked at me and pointed his knife hand in my direction and asked his son what my problem was. I guess that was all the prompting my friend needed because he just blurted out, “I’m gay. I like boys. I’m gay.” The words hung in the air.
Everyone sat in silence, and it felt like the world stopped spinning. His dad just sat there for what felt like a million years with a piece of cheesecake still on his fork. His dad slowly got up, walked over, stood him up, and hugged him. He and his dad both began crying, so his mom asked us to leave for them to talk.
While they’re still hugging and we’re getting our shoes on, I overheard something that made me burst into tears. His dad was saying to him, “I’m sorry. I can be better.” They moved a few months later, but he added me on Facebook years ago. He had many pictures with his parents and partner at pride events and was having the best relationship with his dad.
His dad’s reaction and subsequent change really floored me. It was good to see somebody who had been one way their entire life just change out of love for their kid. I still feel very lucky to have been able to be in that room that day.
46. No Takebacks!
One day, my best friend and I hung out at the mall, and she didn’t have any money, so we just split the money I had between me and her. After we hung out, we had to drop her off back home. Her mom found out about the money and tried to give it back and tried to give me $20. I declined. Soon, she shoved the money at me.
Then she ran away into her house shutting the door. She yelled through the window, “Keep the money! I’m not taking it back!” Then she locked the door. I thought it was weird but, I kept it after that. Every time I think about that experience, I always chuckle a little
47. Already Done
My friend’s mom got annoyed because she always said happy birthday to my friend first, so I video called my friend just as it turned midnight and said happy birthday to him, and one minute later, his mom walked in and said happy birthday, but I was like, “Haha! I said it first!” It was funny.
48. Not Like That
I was about 15 and visiting a friend’s house for the first time. I was left alone in the living room for a while. I didn’t know what to do and started looking at the books, which were everywhere. I picked one up. My friend came, saw me holding the book, and panicked. She put the book down to the millimeter where it was.
She said, “Father doesn’t like it when we touch his things.” Later, I learned no one could have different foods touching on a plate in her father’s very intimidating presence and more insane rules. I was freaked out and hardly dared to breathe. I never went back. Her father suffered from a host of psychiatric ailments.
49. Second Try
We went white water rafting in Maine. I was in a truck with my friend, a different friend’s dad, and two 10-year-old boys going to the end of the rafting route. I sat in the front, and the dad was driving. I was 17 then, and the topic of “being a man” came up. He was saying sometimes you just need to follow your dreams.
We’re all listening at this point. He made the wildest confession I’ve ever heard. He told us that this was not his first life. He told us he moved to the West Coast when he was young and started a family. He had a wife and kids. He said he liked them decently enough but wanted more out of life. Then one day he went out to pick up some milk and never went back.
I don’t know how the kids in the truck took the story, but my friend and I were pretty, “What just happened?” for the rest of the trip.
50. Knock, Knock
In high school, my friend was dating a guy, and he invited us to his house. But his mom was really mean and acted like us being there was awful. I rang the doorbell, and the mom invited me inside. I was there for an hour and had to go outside to get something out of my car. I came back inside and heard, “UM! EXCUSE ME!”
“I’m sorry, yes?” She said, “You didn’t ring the doorbell before BARGING into my HOME.” Surprised, I said, “Oh I’m sorry, uh…should I go back outside?” She nodded and told me, “We wait to be invited inside at the house.” I went back outside, and she closed the door. I rang the doorbell and heard her say “Who is it?”
“Hi, it’s me here to see your son,” I said through the door. I heard, “Just a moment!” She opened the door and said kindly, “Please, come inside.” Apparently, every time you leave the house even for a second, she expected the pageantry of a first invite.