August 25, 2022 | A.V. Land

Why Would You EVER Say That?

As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people, but in the case of these Redditor’s stories, it’s more like messed up people majorly mess people up by casually uttering some of the most mind-blowingly inappropriate comments you could ever imagine. From horrible bosses to dirty old men, mean moms and dads, and more, it’s time to gird your loins and grab your inhaler, these lunatics will leave you gasping in shock.

1. It’s All In The Details

I lost my mom to cancer when I was two. But that's not what I believed. The story I was told scarred me for life. When I was roughly six, my older siblings told me that my mom and I had been playing in the front yard and I had kicked a ball into the road. When my mom went to get the ball, she got hit by a garbage truck and didn’t survive.

I didn’t find out the truth until a few years later. Isn’t it odd that I now have zero relationship with my family?

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2. One For The Horrible Bosses Hall Of Fame

I used to work for a Medicaid behavioral health insurance company where my job was to connect at-risk populations with different social services in the area. I was in the second trimester of my first pregnancy and at a doctor’s appointment before work, I received the most devastating news of my life: The doctor told me my pregnancy was not viable due to a genetic disorder.

My husband and I were very distraught, and I called my boss to explain that I could not go to work that day. My boss told me I had to come in anyway since I was not actively miscarrying (I needed a D and C). I came into work and was quietly crying at my desk. But my boss still managed to be even crueler: He came over and, in a voice dripping with fake sympathy, said, “Don’t worry, one day you’ll be a mom.”

Looking back, I should have stood up for myself, but I was 23, freshly out of college, and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. Also, I was not allowed to take any time off after my procedure. I had it on a Friday and was required back at work on a Monday. It was probably one of the darkest times of my life.

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3. When Free Costs Too Much

I was on vacation with my best friend’s family and I was talking to her 12- and 13-year-old kids, who I often babysat for free, as we waited for her and her husband to arrive. Out of nowhere, the 12-year-old said to me, “You know my mom really hates you, right?” At first, I thought nothing of it but then the more I thought about it, the more it bugged me. I had to discover the truth.

Finally, I asked her about it. Her reaction was all the proof I needed that she not only said it, but she meant it. I spent YEARS babysitting her kids for free. It was crushing to realize that that’s the only reason we were friends. To make matters worse, as soon as the kids were old enough to look after themselves, she ghosted me.

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4. He Did Her Dirty

I worked in retail and the store’s dress code required us to wear black slacks. For my job, I needed to climb up and down ladders and do quite a bit of heavy lifting. One day, while squatting down to get something, I ripped my pants in the crotch. When I explained to my male boss why I needed to go home, he sniffed the air, made a face, and said the most disgusting thing I've ever heard: “Is that why it smells like fish”?

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5. Catty Is Not Cool

Two months after my son was born, I was standing in line at a bank and looking at his baby photos on my phone. An older woman behind me, who was peering over my shoulder, made a comment about the younger generation always being on their phones. I told her I was looking at pictures of my newborn son. She gave me a long look up and down before she said…

“Oh, so you’re having trouble losing the baby weight? My daughter lost her baby weight within a matter of weeks!” What? I was absolutely mortified. If I could’ve left, I would have. Four years later, her comment still sticks with me—and I wish it wouldn’t.

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6. Stand Down

This happened when I was pregnant. My partner and I were both in the Navy, not married, but happily together and excited about our baby. My partner was going to be deployed before my due date so we knew he’d miss the birth. In order to get his name on the birth certificate, we had to get a notarized document establishing paternity.

When I turned in the paperwork, the clerk took the document and acted surprised that we didn’t do the optional DNA test. He said, “I’m shocked that he didn’t insist, we all know how women in the Navy are”. I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say. I just handed him the paperwork and left. Afterward, everyone told me that I should have filed a complaint but I felt too self-conscious to say anything.

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7. Indecent Proposal: Southern Style

My boyfriend works for my kid's biological grandmother who is…eccentric, to say the least. She also has a lot of weird friends. One day, we were at her house letting her see the grandkids, and she was getting a little tipsy with one of her friends, who I’ll name “Joe.” Well, Joe is a short, bald old man who has no filter.

Joe often says inappropriate things when he’s been drinking, but we just ignore him but we didn’t know that at the time as this was one of the first times we’d ever met him. He asked us if we could give him a ride home—just down the street. We reluctantly agreed. I soon regretted it. When we got there, he got out and started talking to my boyfriend through the window.

Joe was at that extremely annoying stage of drinking and suddenly, casually, he asked my boyfriend if he could BUY ME FOR THE NIGHT. Now, let me be crystal clear here: Joe asked my boyfriend, “How much would it cost to take her home tonight?” Try to imagine this in the most inebriated Southern accent you can imagine.

My boyfriend, who was not entirely sure he had heard correctly, was appalled. He was just like, “What now? Come again?” And Joe ASKED AGAIN. “How much? I’ll pay you $100 to keep her here with me.” My boyfriend pushed the door to the car open and Joe landed on his rump. My boyfriend started yelling all kinds of stuff at him, and I almost ran him over.

Joe got very scared, very quickly, and yelled, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to”! and ran into his house. Long story short, it was the most horrendous and inappropriate thing anyone had ever said to me in my 22 years.

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8. So Many Levels…

My mother once said: “Your brother is only nice to you because he’s not threatened by you or your partner. If you were successful and she was pretty, he wouldn’t be nice to either of you.” I didn't have any words then, and I don't have any now...

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9. That Took A Turn

When I was 15 years old, we had new neighbors move in. I instantly got a really bad feeling about the dad. He always commented on my outfits and even asked me to dinner once. I was thoroughly freaked out by him. One day, his wife and daughter just...left while he was out of town for a few days. They just got a moving truck and skedaddled.

It was odd, to say the least, but even though I was young I had suspicions that he was acting inappropriately with his daughter. Anyway, when he got home he was completely blindsided and came over to ask us if we knew anything. In front of my mom, he told me that I “should come over to cheer him up sometime,” which was my cue to walk away.

Later that afternoon, I tried to talk to my mom about how creepy he was and how that was probably why his wife and daughter left. Her answer cut me deep: “Well you sit outside looking like a working girl all the time, what do you think he’s going to say to you?” I still have many issues with her. That was only one of the many times she called me promiscuous.

Part of me wants to bring it up and get some kind of closure or maybe even an apology but I know she’ll say it never happened or that I’m being dramatic. I have a teenage daughter and I wouldn’t dream in a million years of ever saying anything so damaging to her. If a creepy guy ever said anything like that to her, I would put him in his place in the blink of an eye.

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10. Was That Out Loud?

I opened up to someone about my brother who attempted to end his life, and a few days later when I was ranting to this same person about some obscure nonsense—or maybe I was just explaining something excitedly? I can’t remember, but I was definitely just being myself. And this guy “jokingly” said, “I can see why your brother wanted to end his life.” I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. It hadn't even been a week!

I still don’t know if he was saying that I was the reason my brother tried to end his life or if he was saying that my wacky behavior somehow runs in the family, but it definitely stung. I tried my best to avoid him after that.

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11. Not Cool, Man

I remember when I was about 14, I was sitting with my dad and a few of his friends at a restaurant somewhere. One of his friends had his four- or five-year-old daughter with him. She was chewing on her straw and licking it and putting it in and out of the cup. One of my dad’s other friends noticed this and I couldn’t believe what came out of his mouth next…

He said, “She’s going to make some man very happy one day.” I distinctly remember no one laughing. And I was old enough to understand what the guy meant. I asked my dad about him later and he said that they talked to him about it when I went to the toilet. Some guys are very weird.

Why Would You Say That Flickr, Nenad Stojkovic

12. The Ones You Love Hurt You The Most

It would hurt a lot when my mom would drink too much and cry to me that she wished I had died instead of my father. It hurt even more when she would say it offhandedly when she was sober. I’m doing OK now, but for God’s sake, man. I was seven. I didn’t deserve that.

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13. Moment of Truth

The first time I met my nan’s sister, she said to 14-year-old me: “You look like a fat leek” (in Dutch). I was flabbergasted. Fun fact: She recently passed and during the eulogy, her daughter told A LOT of secrets about how this woman was an evil narcissist who had made everyone’s life a living nightmare. The whole church was in such shock that they had to stop the funeral halfway through due to all the chaos.

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14. Take Your Foot Off The Gas, Brah

I lost my baby in what I’ve been calling a late-term miscarriage because it’s easier to explain than what really happened. I was 16. A few days after it happened, I went back to school. I was super depressed and only wanted my son. A guy who was friends with my cousin heard about my loss during the time I wasn’t in school.

This guy approached me and said, “Hey, I heard you’re really upset about your son. I could knock you up again. I’ll keep trying until we’re successful, you don’t even have to do anything back, I’ll just keep going. I can even keep you in my room because my parents travel a lot so I’m usually home alone. I won’t stop until you’re for sure pregnant!"

What. The. Frig. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. I ran into a classroom and stayed there until lunch was over.

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15. Extra Cheese, Hold The Shame

I used to work as a dishwasher at a small mom-and-pop cafe. My bosses were a couple who always treated me as kindly as they could. The wife’s father was very elderly, conservative, and senile, so the wife had to keep an eye on him at work because he couldn’t be left alone. He would usually keep to himself, but sometimes he would just stare at me.

The staring would go on for long periods while I ate during my breaks. It would make me uncomfortable, but I let it go so as to not stir any drama. One day, though, he did more than stare. I had decided to treat myself and bought a slice of pizza to eat at work. As I was enjoying it, pretty happy with myself, the boss’s father came walking up to me.

Without blinking he said, “You know you should be careful with that. You don’t want to lose that girlish figure of yours.” I was so shocked in that moment that all I could do was laugh. But as soon as he turned around and walked away, I threw the rest of my pizza away, and I was left feeling angry and ashamed.

I quietly finished my shift, and as the husband (also boss) and I were leaving, I told him I would be quitting because I felt insulted and unsafe. Needless to say, he and my other boss were absolutely horrified and asked me to stay. Soon after, they found a caretaker for the father and he never came into work again.

It’s been three years since this happened and I’ve gained a significant amount of weight during the pandemic—his words still echo in my head.

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16. The Jokes Write Themselves

One time I was at the grocery store with my father-in-law and we saw a massive jar of huuugeee pickled sausages with the actual brand name “BIG DADDY.” Of course, we were both cracking up over it and joking around when some old guy walked past and sparked up a conversation with my father-in-law. As the old man walked away, he said, “I bet she takes big ones in her.” Blech. Ew. No.

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17. Can’t See Why You Would Say That

I am an artist and I’m severely visually impaired due to a degenerative disease. I paint and create work with themes sometimes relevant to my vision loss. One time at a dinner, in front of a group of people, someone I knew said to me, “I can’t wait for you to be blind. Your art just gets better and better.” And, no, this was not said as a joke.

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18. Thank Goodness For Glee

One time I was at the dentist and he was doing something that made me gag, which caused him to say, “You’ll need to work on that for when you get a boyfriend.” I was 11 years old. I did not understand it at all until I was much older and saw an episode of Glee where a gag reflex comment was made, so I asked my mom about it.

After she explained it to me I was like “ that why my dentist said this”? She was not thrilled that I’d waited so long to tell her.

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19. How To Ruin A Moment

During my cancer battle, I ended up with a severe infection and was admitted to the hospital because my internal organs were shutting down. I begged my ex-husband to bring my son to see me since I would be missing my custody time while I was in the hospital. My ex brought my son, and the nurse kindly gave my little five-year-old boy a popsicle.

I sang my son to sleep in my room, on my bed. I was very happy. I turned and sincerely thanked my ex for bringing my son to see me. He just coldly looked at me—and said the most despicable thing I have ever heard in my life: “I wish you would just die. It would make my life so much easier. Stop struggling and just die for Christ’s sake.” He then took our son and left the hospital. I sobbed for hours.

My ex then had the nerve to sue for more custody because I had cancer—and he won. It all worked out in the end, though, because he left the country and I ended up with full custody of my son. My ex didn’t even get visitation for more than four years.

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20. A Blast From The Past

Several years after high school, a car full of my old classmates pulled up next to me, shouted “HEY [my name], STILL UGLY, HUH”? and then sped off. I don’t know why they even remembered my name. I never talked to them. Needless to say, it wasn’t great for the ol’ self-esteem.

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21. The Jerk Store Called…

When I was 14 and just hanging out in my room, my dad called out to me from the living room, “Hey, get in here! There’s a woman on Seinfeld who is just like you!” My dad was referring to the woman in the “man hands” episode. Did I mention that I was struggling with an awkward growth spurt at the time?

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22. Baby, It’s Cold Outside

I work in a law office and we were expecting a snowstorm last winter, so everyone was packing up to go home early and work remotely. One of the lawyers from our building told me that we should all stay at the building so that if we get snowed in, we can all take off our clothes and sleep together upstairs. Needless to say, he’s now banned from entering our building.

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23. Dump Him

When I was about 14 or 15, I was groped at a shopping mall on the way to meet a friend and her boyfriend. When I met up with them and told them what happened, my friend told me how sorry she was. Then her boyfriend chimed in and said, “I don’t feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the guy for having to touch you.”

He said this right to my face. I don’t know if he thought it was witty or what. It was just such a casually vicious thing to say after what I’d been through.

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24. Username Checks Out

I had a regular customer who would always come into the video store where I was working. I was 19 at the time and he was at least 50. And he’d hit on me EVERY TIME. That's not what REALLY creeped me out though. That was when he asked if he could just stare at me for a little while. I didn’t know how to respond to that and finally told my boss about him.

At another store I worked at, a guy in his 60s dropped a Sears bag on the counter and said, “I bought you a dress for when I take you out to dinner.” I looked at him very sharply and told him, “No, absolutely not. Take that back.” I wouldn’t even look at what he got me. In retrospect, I’m kinda curious about what he wanted me to wear, but yeesh.

People, if someone is laughing and being nice to you, it doesn’t mean they’re going to run away with you. It means they’re working and it is their job. A SMILE IS NOT A SIGN OF LOVE.

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25. Gaslight Much?

My ex-wife once said, “Everyone hates you. They can’t stand to be around you.” I never could figure out why she said that. It’s now 30 years later and I’m still friends with all of the people who supposedly hated me.

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26. Justice Served

We had a social studies teacher who intentionally made his classroom uncomfortably warm. In addition to that, he would help any guy student from the front of the room, but when helping the girls, he would get close and lean over them to help. I couldn’t believe what he said when a friend of mine who was an early bloomer took her sweater off in class…

“That’s the reason I like it hot in here.” He said it quietly, but some of us heard. He was let go the year after I graduated. Apparently there were a lot of complaints from parents about him being creepy, but the tipping point was him insisting that he be able to give pep talks to the girls’ volleyball team in the locker room before games.

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27. Just Gotta Grab Something At The Store

I used to work in retail and when customers are looking for something but can’t find it, they always have this specific look in their eyes. A group of three women was in the store with two men in wheelchairs. One of the guys was in his 20s and looked like he was also mentally disabled. The other guy was in his mid-40s and looked like he might have had an accident but was mentally fit.

The older one gave me this look like he was looking for something, so I walked toward him only to realize that he didn’t need actually need anything and was just staring. Fast forward about 30 minutes. I was with another customer and I could see the younger man staring at me for a good five minutes. Then I suddenly felt a hand on my behind.

I turned around to see the older dude in the wheelchair with his hand still stretched out toward me. He calmly said, “Sorry did I startle you?” Before I could react, one of the women ran toward us and pushed him out of the store.

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28. How Could You Be So Heartless?

I have three kids that I breastfed for about a year each, and because I had them back-to-back, I was pretty much nursing or pregnant for around five years in a row. One afternoon, I was sitting on the couch feeding my youngest daughter and my husband walked in and said, “Jesus, I never thought I’d get sick of looking at your bosoms, but I am.”

It was totally out of nowhere and felt like a total gut punch. My eyes filled with tears and I just looked down at my baby to try to focus on her instead of sobbing. Need I even mention that he’s now my EX husband?

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29. Nastiness Is My Superpower

I’ve always had issues with my weight and during high school, I was involved in a lot of artsy extra-curricular activities, which meant I often had teachers, directors, and conductors pulling me out of class for practice. One day in class, I got a text from my friend saying that my music director asked if I could come up to practice something really quickly.

My teacher knew about it and didn’t mind that I was leaving. She casually mentioned that the elevator was out of order, but seeing as we were on the third floor, and I was going up to the fourth, it wasn’t a huge bummer. Also, students weren’t allowed to use the elevators so I was always running up and down four flights of stairs anyway.

I shrugged off her comment and left. When I got back to class, one of the kids next to me said that after I left the teacher told the entire class that “she could use some exercise anyway, the stairs will do her some good." I was never nice to her again and I’m sad to admit that at the time I definitely had ill wishes for her.

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30. Words Like Daggers

When I was 16, I was in the worst period of my life. My father mistreated me physically and emotionally, I was getting my butt kicked by polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), and I had an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. At that point, my skin was bad, my hair was falling out, and I was chubby. One day, I had the bright idea to get a haircut and decided to ask for bangs.

I have a round face shape naturally, and apparently, bangs don’t suit round faces—they just make them appear rounder. When my dad saw me, he exploded. He usually never commented on my physical appearance, but he went off on me, yelling about how disgusting I am and how “no man wants an ugly, bald, fat hag like you”.

I’m 21 now, and I’m thinner, I was able to get my PCOS under control, my hair is full and healthy again, I cleared up my skin, and I recovered from my eating disorder. No matter what I do, though, I still can’t shake his words on that day. They are always at the back of my mind, haunting me.

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31. Now There’s A Plot Twist

I used to stack shelves at a grocery store over the summer. One day, there was some buzz about a customer who had upset some of the other shelf stackers who happened to be mostly young women. I asked one of the other stackers what was going on, and she said that an old man in a mobility scooter had asked her for a quickie. Odd.

Over the next half hour, I heard this story from a few other employees, too. Nobody seemed to be doing anything about it, so I tracked the guy down. Sure enough, he asked me for a quickie. He said he’d had one the other day for the first time and he really wanted another one, but nobody would help him. Then it finally hit me. Turns out, my man wanted a quiche.

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32. Moms Say The Darndest Things

When I was about 15 years old, I had long purple hair. One time I was in the grocery store wandering around while my mom shopped, and a kid, maybe about five years old, saw me and exclaimed, “Look, mom! Purple hair!” As kids do. The mom turned and looked at me with such revulsion that my face instantly turned bright red.

She covered her son’s eyes, turned him away from me, and said, “Don’t look! That’s what happens when your parents don’t love you.” Yet it was still going to get worse. I found my mom, by now I was pretty much in tears and told her what happened. She said, “What do you expect looking like a freak?” This was back in the 90s when crazy hair wasn’t as acceptable as it is now. But still.

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33. He Should Have Zipped His Lip

When I worked as a zipline guide a few summers ago, I was picking up a tour that included a married couple along with around six other participants. While my other guide and I were waiting for folks to fill out their waivers, the husband gave me a creepy look and nodded toward my jeans with factory-ripped holes in the knees.

He then said, “Where’d you get those holes? You must do a lot of kneeling.” Literally everyone froze and there was not a single chuckle. The man’s wife elbowed him in the ribs and said, “Really??” Luckily my other guide (who was a former wrestler and a really good dude) handled the rest of the interactions with that particular person for the day.

Seriously, though, how do you say something like that in front of a group of people—including kids—and think that it’s acceptable?

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34. Sounds Like She Did You A Favor

I used to work as a bank teller with two other girls who were about my age. Every morning our boss had these pep talks before we opened. She talked about how one girl was such a great teacher and how she will head the training department. She then talked about how smart the other girl was and how she will work in the security department one day.

When it was my turn, she said that I had “a nice voice and will make an awesome online banking call center rep.” I quit that place, went back to school, and am now a researcher who travels the world and speaks at conferences with my nice voice. Suck it, Lena!

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35. Praise Be!

When I was pregnant with my son, I had a conversation with my mom and two of her very conservative, very evangelical, doomsday bunker-type friends. These people are a married couple in their 60s. Veteran. You get the idea. I said something along the lines of “Gee, so many of my friends are having boys these days! Must be something in the water.”

The husband then said, “In history, when a population boom of male children occurs, it means God will send a war. There’s going to be a lot of fatalities in the future, but God is good.” My mom and this man’s wife nodded their heads and said, “Amen.” My jaw dropped. I was pregnant and literally talking about how much I was looking forward to beginning a whole new life with my son.

I didn’t know how to respond. Who on earth says something like that? Even a decade later, it still bothers me. I haven’t spoken to those jerks since then.

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36. Someone’s Persistent

I was at high school orientation and they were checking us in by name. This one lady took a look at my name and then looked at me and asks, “Where are you from?” I was genuinely confused at first because I have no social skills so I responded with the name of the city that my high school is in. “I live five minutes away from here, actually,” I said.

She said, “No, I mean where are you from?" Oh, I think, I get it now! I responded with the name of my elementary school and middle school since that’s a question that students ask one other pretty often when meeting someone for the first time (there are three different middle schools that all funnel into my high school and one of those middle schools is made up of six different elementary schools).

“No, I mean originally.” Oh. Then I get it. I was born in the US, approximately 30 minutes away from my local high school, but whatever. I looked at her and said, “China.” I’m sure she didn’t have any ill intent at all, but it really rubbed me the wrong way at the time.

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37. The Sociopath At Work

When one of my colleagues found out another coworker was struggling with mental health, he said to me, “I’m going to see how much I can break that man down. How many times do you think I can make him cry?” I left the job not long after that. Good riddance to that messed up dude.

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38. What’s Swedish For “So Very Wrong?”

I was at the Hultsfred Festival in Sweden with my girlfriend back in about 2008 or so. The two of us were walking from the campground to the festival area, and a group of maybe five or six rowdy young guys met us on the path. One of them said to her, “Damn, you’re fat. Maybe try cutting yourself and see if you can’t lose some of that weight from the blood loss?”

His friends started laughing like it was the most hilarious thing they’d ever heard. I was completely flabbergasted. I could not believe someone could say something so twisted. Before I even had time to realize what they even said, they were well past us. My girlfriend turned to me and asked why I didn’t speak up. I felt like an idiot.

“I wouldn’t even know what to say, and I don’t really want to rumble with six inebriated dudes,” I said. “I’m so sorry.” The funny thing is that my girlfriend wasn’t even fat in any sense of the word, so that also caught me off guard. I was genuinely confused and thinking “Is this even real life”?

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39. That Escalated Quickly

This one time, when I was 16, I was drinking an energy drink in front of my mother and she looked at me with disgust and said, “I can’t believe you’re doing this now. Today it’s an energy drink, tomorrow you’re stealing money and boozing, and in less than a year someone’s going to find you in some ditch with needles sticking out of your arm.”

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40. That’ll Be A No From Me, Dawg

One time at an after-work function, I was forcibly kissed by a coworker who was 20 years older than me. After the initial shock, I went to tell my boss. He hugged me, smiled, and said: “Bearbutt1337, you have to think about how you dress.” Not that it matters, but at the time I was wearing jeans and a tank top. I barely have any breasts so it’s not like they were hanging out, either.

Later that night my boss told me that he would always protect me and offered to walk me home. No thanks.

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41. Hard To Compete With The Big Guy Upstairs

I came out to my group of friends over group chat by telling them that I was in a relationship with my fandom friend from overseas. I was so relieved when everyone sent congratulations. Well, everyone except my (then) best friend. She saw the chat and didn’t say anything at all until the next day when she sent me some random prayer.

After that, she sent me a private message saying that she doesn’t know if we’re gonna last. She also said that she hopes I’m happy and she’s sorry because she loves God more. Who says that to their best friend?

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42. Can’t Unring That Bell

When I was 14 years old, I got my first job as a bus girl at a restaurant in town. One night I was clearing plates for a family and joking around with them because I knew their son (he was in the same grade as me). We were having a fun time when out of the blue the father said the creepiest thing I’ve ever heard…

“Have you gotten your period yet? I want to know if my daughters will still be as pleasant as you once they start riding the rag.” Everyone went silent. After that, I tried to stay in the kitchen for the rest of their meal, but they made a waitress drag me out there so that he could apologize to me. It was mortifying. I wish they would have just left me alone instead of making me keep interacting with them.

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43. 17 Going On Pervy

I was discussing my taste in music with a male coworker who was in his 30s and I said, “Yeah, I’m basically a 30-year-old trapped inside of a 17-year-old’s body.” To which he replied, “I wish I was a 30-year-old in a 17-year-old’s body.” He also regularly told me how “voluptuous” my body was.

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44. Boom! Roasted

When I was in the ninth grade, my school soccer team went on an overnight trip for a tournament. The volleyball team was there too, and all of us were staying in the same hotel. So, my friend and I did what any self-respecting 15-year-olds would do when in a hotel room without supervision: We started prank calling the girls.

The Fellowship of the Ring had just come out, so we thought it would be super funny to be calling as Sméagol/Gollum. We thought we were pretty convincing, too. As it happens, one of the volleyball assistant coaches was a married, 20-something, hot-for-teacher type named Crystal. I don’t remember if we were calling for her specifically, but regardless of intent, that’s who we got and we were not going to complain about it.

I couldn’t tell you the specifics of the conversation other than we talked a lot about “my precious.” and that it was… arousing. Fast forward to the bus ride home. The bus stopped at a restaurant and everyone filed out. I had the bright idea to buy a rubber from the vending machine in the bathroom and slip it into her coat pocket.

My friend yelled from the back of the bus, “Hey Crystal, I hear you’ve got the Precious in your pocket.” She put her hand into her pocket, turned to look directly at me and my fellow Gollum impersonator, and said, “I can fit around anything Precious could fit around”.

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45. When She Goes Low, I Go High

My mother once said, “You were an ugly baby. I never thought you could be pretty.” She also said, “If I could do it all again, I would never have had you. You ruined my body” and “You weren’t worth having. We don’t have that mother/daughter relationship I’ve always wanted. I’m so jealous when my friends talk about their daughters.”

Mind you, she said all of this in a very casual tone in the middle of a normal conversation while I was visiting her. She didn’t have a scornful expression—it was as if she was talking about the weather. She had barely been in my life since my parents divorced when I was nine. I tried for many years to have a bond with her and finally gave up about six years ago. Hope she’s doing well, though.

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46. Ouch!

This happened about two weeks after I had been diagnosed with cancer. I was still lining up specialists and trying to figure out a treatment plan. My mother, who has always hated my hair, had just finished telling me that I should cut it because it’s too long. After a pause, she laughed and said, “Oh, wait, never mind. If you get chemo it will be a moot point anyway.” I got up and walked away.

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47. Breaking The Bank

When I was 20, I worked at a major bank. We had this one regular customer in his mid-50s, who would always make conversation with me. One time after I dyed my hair he said, “Oh, you changed your hair! It looks very nice on you.” I thanked him and he then said, completely straight-faced, “So, does the carpet match the curtains”?

I didn’t say anything, but the male teller next to me looked like he wanted to run out of there. As horrifying as this all was, the customer just laughed at how mortified we were. He even tried to get the other teller to agree with him with a nod and a “yeah, he knows what I mean” look, but the poor guy was speechless.

This same customer also pulled something similar when another teller commented that he had shaved his beard off after having it for quite some time. He turned away from her, looked me right in the eye, and said, “Yeah, I had to get rid of it because it was scratching the inside of my girlfriend’s thighs.”

From then on, I started going into the back whenever he would come in, and I was so happy when I eventually moved to another location.

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48. With Friends Like These…

Shortly after I had a serious accident, my (now ex) best friend whispered to me, “I wish you hadn't survived.” I was so stunned that I internally questioned whether I’d heard her right, but there was no mistaking what she said. It was very clear. I racked my brain to try to figure out why someone would say something like this.

All I could think of was that in the months leading up to my accident, she had been in a weird headspace. I know she resented me because I didn’t walk out with her when she quit her job at the company we both worked at. I haven’t talked to her since she said that to me.

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49. She’s The One They Call Doctor Feelbad

A few years back I had gained a lot of weight around my midsection and my periods stopped. I was young and scared that I might be pregnant, but the tests came back negative. I went to a doctor to have myself checked out and she did some basic tests before telling me. “There is nothing wrong with you, you’re just fat.” I was so shocked, I couldn't even respond.

Now, I already had some body confidence issues, but hearing it from my doctor when I was trying hard to get in shape, really hurt. No matter how hard I worked at losing weight, my belly wouldn't shrink. I was starting to feel really sick, and when I went back to the doctor, she again told me it was that I was just fat. I was crushed.

A year later, I went to the hospital for something unrelated and it was discovered that I had a giant ovarian cyst—about the size of a newborn. It was throwing off my hormones and making me gain weight among many other issues. I have since lost weight and am feeling super confident now, but that doctor really messed me up for a long time.

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50. The Bigger Woman

I had a miscarriage where the baby was absorbed and all that was left in my uterus was the gestational sac. When I got pregnant again, I shared the happy news with my neighbor, her response nearly made me slap her in the face. She said, “So are you actually pregnant this time?” Yes, jerkface. I am pregnant this time and I was actually pregnant last time, too. Unfortunately, I just bit my tongue, said yes, and went into the house.

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51. Little Class Of Horrors

This one time I was sitting at the front of the class and I stretched. My teacher, Mr. B, clapped and said, “And that’s why I seat this type of girl at the front.” I was in sixth grade. He was fired the next year for watching dirty movies in class. Mr. B, I hope you are living a lonely life, you disgusting perv.

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Sources: , ,

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