Meeting the parents can be one of the most nerve-wracking experiences, and these Redditors know that firsthand. Here, they tell the tales of the most embarrassing, horrifying, and confusing encounters they’ve had with a partner’s mother, father, or entire family. From catching a parent in the buff to inappropriate comments, these “meet the parents” stories won’t disappoint.
1. Much Too Much Information
His mom asked us if we were “dipping winkies” and said if he ever needed condoms, for us to tell her we’re “hungry for Hardee’s” and she’d know what we meant and wouldn’t have to explain further. She said that she would either give us money for condoms or go out and buy us some. That’s not even the creepiest part. Did I mention I was 14 at the time?
I found out years later that she became pregnant and had an abortion at 13. She didn’t want us to have to make that decision, so she really was just trying to be helpful. Still, it was a little much the very first time meeting her.
2. Case Of Mistaken Identity
When I began dating my girlfriend, I ended up meeting her mother fairly quickly and we got along well. However, it wasn’t until nearly three years later that I ended up meeting her father, as he was overseas working. Now, a bit of background on her father…he was a very no-nonsense, straightforward, Buddhist, Asian, Engineer who trained zealously in martial arts.
He had raised my girlfriend more akin to a son than a daughter, so his expectations of any male his daughters chose as a boyfriend were rather high. This was more so with the daughter I chose to date because she was both his firstborn and the one he invested the most effort into. Maybe a month before her mother’s birthday, my girlfriend tells me that her dad will be coming down to stay for a few months so I would finally be properly introduced.
Needless to say, I’m a tad nervous as her father has been built up in my mind to be an amalgamation of Bruce Lee, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Bill Gates, and Hercules. It also doesn’t help that I was the last thing an Asian parent would want their daughter to bring home: An Arts major with shaggy hair who dressed like a Bohemian and spent a great deal of the time distracting said daughter who was a very talented Molecular Biology student with videogames, city exploration, naps, laziness, pleasures, shenanigans, and fripperies.
The day finally arrived and, as had become a tradition at her household, I brought a cake to celebrate. Lo and behold, who else opens the door but my girlfriend’s father. To be fair, he wasn’t nearly as big or as muscled as I imagined. He was in his late 50s, but his build denoted that he had seen quite a few fights in his day. He had cauliflower ears, thick/muscled torso, toned arms, etc. and, like his offspring, he wore that signature scowl on his face. (Thankfully, I have the unique ability to remove that scowl from my girlfriend’s face.)
Her father gave me the once over, took the cake from my hands, gave me a $20, and shut the door. I’m stunned for a good 15 seconds but I knock again to try and figure out what’s up. Her father again appears, scowl unmoved, and glares at me before shouting back into the apartment, “Honey, grab me my wallet, the delivery boy wants a tip!”
Without going over the laughter and horror that my girlfriend and her mother had when seeing who the delivery boy was, that was my first encounter with my girlfriend’s father.
3. It Always Lingers
I was sitting at dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, who I had just met 10 minutes earlier. We were having a casual conversation, when the worst moment of my life happened. I sneeze-farted. I tried to play it cool, but we all knew what happened. The worst part was that about 30 seconds after it happened, after everyone had moved on, the smell crept in.
4. It Was A Rocky Start
The first time I met my fiance’s mother, we had to walk past her to go to his bedroom. My now-fiance said, “Hi mom, this is my girlfriend.” I said hi, she said hi, and that was it. We were more formally introduced in the morning. However, the next time we saw each other, I came stumbling intoxicated into the house and told her how much I loved Buffy while she was watching it, and had a 5-minute conversation with their dog about how soft he was.
Two and a half years later, she’s going to be my mother-in-law. Also, when her son and I were having a pretty serious argument a while ago, she said to him, “If you break up with her, I’m trading you for her.”
5. She Saw Too Much
I was invited to a boyfriend’s house for dinner to meet his parents. When I got there, his father wasn’t yet home from work so we decided to go for a walk. My boyfriend’s mother told us to be back to the house by 5:00, so we were playfully racing each other back so as to make it in time. I got to the door a few paces ahead of him, opened the door, and witnessed a sight that will be burned into my memory forever.
I found myself face-to-face with his dad, who was standing stark naked in front of the door. I turned around and hid around the corner. His father kind of yelped and ran down the hall, and we were both mortified. It turns out he came home and was getting ready to shower when the phone rang, so he answered it naked since he hadn’t expected us back yet.
6. Nothing But Fake Friends
The first time I met my future in-laws, I wasn’t with my fiancée at the time. We were freshmen in college and one of her friends from high school was one of my roommates. Well, one day, he and I were hanging out at our place. I’m baked as heck and I think he was probably a bit intoxicated. Anyway, all of sudden, she knocks on our door and very sheepishly tells us her parents are here visiting and want to meet her new college friends.
She tells us she really hasn’t made any friends but doesn’t want to look pathetic in front of her parents, so she asked if we will help cover for her. She had told them most of her friends were at class but that she knew we would be around. So, my buddy and I went to her dorm and there were her parents…both of whom were nice enough, but I guess I looked even more baked than I felt.
Her parents kept asking if I had been studying all night or something because I looked so “tired,” so I just went with it. Fast forward three months, we started dating and she was talking to her parents on the phone. She tells them about me and for the first few years we dated I was “sleepy Steve.” I’m not sure if they have ever put together that I was really baked the first time we met.
7. How To Make Awkward More Awkward
It was the first time I had ever gone to a girlfriend’s house to hang out and meet her parents. It was the summer before my eighth-grade year. Needless to say, hormones! So, I was an awkward, squeaky, barely teenage boy. Her parents were really excited to meet me because I was the first boy her daughter had ever introduced them to.
So, they planned a family cookout so I could meet all the family. I got there around 5 pm, and because it was in the country in Ohio, all the adults were already intoxicated. To avoid as many intoxicated family members as possible, my girlfriend and I decided to swim in her pool for most of the night. At around 9 pm, most of her family had left. Only her parents remained.
They were inside, still drinking, and my girlfriend and I decided we would have some “naughty time” in the pool, which in eighth grade meant me taking off my trunks and her taking off her bottoms. We hid them under the towels on the deck so it wouldn’t be too obvious that I was naked. After about 10 minutes of fun skinny dipping, her parents decided to come out to check on us.
However, in their stupor, they decided instead to get in the pool with us. My trunks and my girlfriend’s bottoms weren’t easily accessible while remaining entirely in the pool, so I had to swim around naked while my girlfriend’s parents were in the pool. I never knew how good of a swimmer I was until that day, because they never found out.
8. There Was An Unexpected Guest
My husband and I are older, in our 40s, and had been dating about a year before I met his parents for the first time. They live on the other side of the country and flew out to visit him. His ex-girlfriend somehow found out and showed up at the restaurant, sat down, and dominated the conversation with all of the memories she had with them and my husband.
It was awkward as heck. They can’t stand her, but are polite people. Anyway, this chick is a hot mess.
9. Talk About Twinning
When I met my ex-girlfriend’s father, I asked her what I should wear and she suggested a white t-shirt and a blue sweater. This was her suggestion. Cut to the introduction in the lounge and her dad is wearing the exact same thing. Of course, it got worse. We went to a local restaurant for a meal and a guy at the table next to us was wearing the exact same thing as well.
10. Meeting Due To Difficult Circumstances
I was dating this girl for about three months and got her pregnant. We decided it was best if we just got married. I was 27 and she was 20. I drove to my parents’ house to tell them and at the same time she went to her parents’ house to tell them. I offered to go with her, but she said, “You don’t know my dad.” This was true because while she had met my parents, I had never met her parents.
I was sitting at my parents’ house, listening to them tell me how I was throwing my life away. Then, the phone rings. It was my girlfriend. She said I needed to go over to her parents’ house because they wanted to meet me. I showed up at their house and was escorted to the living room, where I was asked to sit in a chair in the middle of the room. Thus began the most excruciating moments of my life.
Her family sat in a semi-circle around me and proceeded to grill me for two hours. “What were you thinking?” “You’re seven years older than her, are you some kind of pervert?” “How do you plan on supporting our daughter and grandchild?” On and on and on. That was 20 years ago. I’m posting this from my in-laws’ house sitting next to my 19-year-old daughter.
I’m still very much in love with my wife and her family still hates me and sees me as the dirty old man that took their daughter away from them.
11. Big Feet, Bigger Ego
I have an awkward story about dating the boss’s daughter. I had just started working at a provincial park, so I got to meet my new boss and my future girlfriend’s father at dinner at her house. So, we were having dinner at her parents’ place and her dad asked me what size boots I wore. They provided them…the park, not her family.
He’s shorter than average, maybe 5’4. I’m 6′ tall but I have big feet, so when I said that I wear size 13, he gave one look at me that turned from “Wow those are big feet” to “Wow, this guy is probably hung like a horse” to “You’re not going anywhere near my daughter.” Of course, I still did.
12. Cannot Control The Comments
The first time my ex was at the house, he met my family’s dog, who greeted him with copious amounts of slobber. Then, my grandfather walks in. I introduce them, they go to shake hands, and the ex tells my grandfather, “Sorry, I’ve got dog slobber on my hands.” My grandfather doesn’t miss a beat and tells him, “That’s ok, I’m sure you’ve had worse.”
13. Not The Perfect Meet-up
I met my wife online back in 1995 when I was 23 and she was a 19-year-old college student. She lived nine hours away and I had no car. So, when it was my turn to visit her, I got a cheap plane ticket. She came to pick me up at the airport around midnight but parked her car in the wrong place. We returned to her spot to find that the car had been towed away.
We took a cab to the impound lot and discovered that they would not release the car to us because her parents owned the car. My poor long-distance girlfriend had to call her parents around 1 am and ask them to drive us to the impound lot, which was an hour away from their house, to get her car out so the two of us could drive back to her apartment for illicit unmarried relations.
When her parents arrived, I introduced myself to her dad, shook his hand, and said, “I’m sorry we couldn’t have met under better circumstances.” He just grunted at me.
14. Asking The Hard Questions
My ex was Italian and we flew to Italy to meet her parents. We went straight from the airport to this huge family dinner with aunts, uncles, and cousins. My ex left for the bathroom and the father asked his wife to translate a question. The whole table was silent when she said, “My husband would like to know if you love my daughter?”
I laughed awkwardly and drank my drink, praying they were joking. No, they weren’t. The whole table was silent waiting for my response, so I mumbled “Err, yess…”
15. Found In A Compromising Position
I met an ex’s parents for the first time while they were cleaning out their loft. The dad was in the attic handing stuff down the ladder to the mom, and I helped out to get brownie points even though I’d recently hurt my back. The mom was handing the stuff to me and I organized it into little piles. Anyway, the dad hands this toaster down, and I make the stupidest mistake of my life.
The mom drops it and is bending over fumbling with the wire picking it up, while I’m standing behind, facing her. I’m attempting to crack my spine by pushing my fists against my lower back and rhythmically swinging my hips back and forth. My ex’s brother comes out of his room and shakes his head at me as my ex-girlfriend comes up the stairs, and she also shakes her head at me.
It was only after I saw the look of utter fury from her dad in the loft that I realized what I was doing to his wife. I shook it off by jokingly trying to high-five the brother with my best Borat impression. Nobody was impressed. It was awkward from then on out. For four goddarn years.
16. A Bad End To A Grand Gesture
I met my wife freshman year of college. After finals, she went back to Connecticut and we spent the whole summer apart. Upon arriving back at school, my first stop was the grocery store to pick up some provisions, and, by chance, I saw her down the cereal aisle. So, I figure I’ll make the grand gesture. I start running up to her and then I drop to my knees to slide into her like it’s some musical.
But then, her mom steps in between us and I slide face-first into her butt. We are good friends now.
17. His Kind Of Guy
I had only been dating this girl for a couple months, but she wanted to travel back home for a cousin’s wedding and asked me to go. I agreed, knowing that this meant I was definitely going to have to meet her parents. The wedding was in her hometown out in the sticks of south Texas. We got to her parents’ house just after dinner time.
Both her parents were on the front porch sitting in rocking chairs. We walk up to the porch and make our introductions. Her mother was a very nice and sweet southern belle type, seeing as she was from Louisiana. She asked if I’d like some sweet tea. Yep, this girl’s mother goes in the house to get the tea and this girl went with her to help.
This leaves me alone with her father. He seems to have a very sour look on his face and is not at all pleased to meet me. I later learned that this is just the way he looks. All the time. I sit down in the vacated rocking chair, and a small table separates us. He pulls out a small .38 special with a recessed hammer and places it on the table between us.
He says, “This is meant to be fired from a jacket pocket. You’d never see it coming.” I look down at his gun on the table and then look up at him, then back at it, then back up at him, and he has these squinty eyes that seem to be drilling into mine. I then slowly reach behind my back and pull out my Desert Eagle 5.0 and place it in front of me on the table.
It is audibly heavy and has a satisfying “ta-chunk” sound when I lay it down. I said to him: “This is my Desert Eagle. It’s meant to kill people. Efficiently.” At that moment, his eyes lit up and a smile grew on his face that I didn’t think could get any bigger without his face cracking in two. Very soon after, the girl and mother came back out with the tea and I grabbed my gun and holstered it and got up for her mother to sit down.
The father looks at the girl, points at me, and says, “I like this one.” The father and I got along just fine. Ah….memories.
18. From Good To Worst
I was talking to my girlfriend’s dad outside. For some reason, the conversation turned to grapes. At this exact time, my girlfriend came at me with what I believed to be a grape. I opened my mouth for the sweet nectar. It was nothing like I expected. It was not a grape. It was an olive. Now, the juxtaposition of flavors would be bad for most people.
However, in my case, it was the difference between one of my favorite things and the absolute worst food in the world. I mean, you would think I was allergic. So, did I calmly walk to the restroom and spit out this monstrosity? Nope, my fun brain decided I should scream like a little girl, literally push through every single one of my girlfriend’s family to loudly spit and wash my mouth out in the bathroom. My father-in-law still asks if I want any olives.
19. Could’ve Been The Nail In His Coffin
This was my first boyfriend’s experience with my parents. Dear God, it still makes me cringe. He was in a band and had a ton of female friends, most of whom he lived near to and had known for his entire life, so I felt like sleepovers were fine. The night before our middle school “graduation,” he slept over with his friends and they decided to paint his fingernails.
Each nail was a different color. So after graduation, he and his mom were going to pick me up so we could go to some super sweet eighth-grader party. He gets there and I tell him to just put his hands in his pockets because I don’t know how my parents would react to something so strange. That’s when my middle-aged father decides to come inside from around the pool wearing nothing but his hot pink speedo to meet his second daughter’s first boyfriend.
20. Not Something You Ever Forget
In Grade 10, I was seeing a girl. We lost our virginities to each other and fooled around for about a month. One spring day, my mom comes charging down to my room, more upset than I have ever seen her. She rips my laptop out of my hands, telling me to stay in my room. When she said it, my face turned white. As it turns out, her dad came to my house and he knew about some pictures his daughter sent to me.
Also, both her parents were officers and they threatened to charge me for having possession of the photos. The next time I saw those people was at an Easter dinner two weeks later with her entire family. It was one of the most awkward situations of my life. I tried stuffing for the first time that day, and to this day it reminds me of this situation.
21. A Pretty Good Wingman
I was drinking at a bar for a friend’s birthday. This old guy kept hanging around our table chatting with us and was overly a pretty cool guy, buying us drinks all night and telling us funny stories. I was flirting with this chick who was a friend of a friend and we hit things off fairly well. Just as I was leaving, the girl grabbed me by the collar and started shoving her tongue down my throat and gave me her number.
As I turned around, the old guy smiled and looked at me and said, “I wondered how intoxicated you needed to be to try and pick up my daughter…I guess that wasn’t enough but she usually gets what she wants anyways.”
22. In Sickness And In Health
When I was 16, my also 16-year-old girlfriend of two weeks got so hammered at a party that we called an ambulance. I met her parents in the ER as their daughter they didn’t know drank was having her stomach pumped. Also, in the ambulance on the way there, the heart monitor flatlined. I thought she had passed…It turned out the monitor had fallen off her finger.
23. Not The Best Influence
The first time I met my friend’s mom was when she opened the door to his room to find that her son, and his friend, me, were drinking, had an 18-pack on the floor, a pyramid of cans on her nice table we moved into said room, and that he ditched school to get intoxicated and play GTA with me. It was the first and only time she ever came home from work early.
24. One Problem After The Next
My friend has the tendency to faint when she gets dehydrated. She and a group of friends were coming back from a cruise and were in customs. They had been partying all night and she didn’t feel good. Just as they got on an escalator, she passed out, falling into her boyfriend, who caught her. Security called an ambulance and she was brought to the hospital.
Because they were in customs, her parents couldn’t come in and her boyfriend had to go outside, introduce himself and explain to them what had happened. They all go to the hospital and are sitting around the hospital bed she’s in, when suddenly the nurse comes in. She gives the room some shocking news. She goes, “Chelsea, we think you may be pregnant. You need to take a pregnancy test.”
She described it as the longest moment of silence. She gets up, follows the nurse, leaving her boyfriend alone in the room with her parents, whom he had just met. He said it was the most awkward five minutes of his life. She turned out not to be pregnant and now they’ve been together for almost four years.
25. Cute, Corny, Or Confusing?
When I was in high school, I thought it would be cute to ask my boyfriend to prom by having a pizza delivered to his house with “PROM?” written in pepperoni. Well, my boyfriend’s dad opened the door and threatened to call law enforcement on the pizza guy when he insisted that he “didn’t order a pizza.” Once everything was explained, I met his dad a couple weeks later. It was very awkward.
26. Making Tough Choices
I was going to meet my girlfriend’s parents and we got to her house before they did. She made hot chocolate since it was the middle of winter, which I of course spilled on my lap because I’m stupid. She told me to take my jeans off. I refused, thinking that her mom and dad were on their way as we spoke. She pointed out that if I didn’t, I was going to have first or second-degree burns in a very uncomfortable place.
I got my pants off just as her parents walked in. I stand up, “I realize what this looks like, but I promise, if you just give me a moment to explain…”
27. A Series Of Uncomfortable Events
My ex-boyfriend wanted me to meet his parents, and he told me they wanted to meet me too. We decided to drive up to their place in the Bay area, since we lived in Orange County at the time, for Thanksgiving. I’m white, and he and his parents are Chinese. I normally wouldn’t mention this, but apparently my whiteness made them not approve of me, and therefore not actually want to meet me.
I didn’t know they didn’t want to meet me, otherwise I wouldn’t have driven six hours and showed up at their house. It went more badly than I could have ever predicted. When we knocked on their door, his mother answered, looked at me and said, in Cantonese, “I told you not to bring the white girl here.” More was said in Cantonese, but I understood none of it.
To save money, his parents did not have the boiler on, nor did they have heat in the house. Not having a boiler meant not having hot water, and therefore not having showers. To remedy this, they had a membership at 24 Hour Fitness, where they went every night to have a shower. They insisted that we go to 24 Hour Fitness for a shower literally 15 minutes after showing up at their house.
24 Hour Fitness has communal showering. I’m absolutely terrified of communal showering. I had to get naked with my boyfriend’s mother 15 minutes after meeting her. At that point, she had never spoken a word to me in English. The first actual communication she showed me was to thrust a hairdryer in my hands. The next few days were excruciatingly uncomfortable.
Next to nothing was said in English at all, and I felt like everybody hated me. I spent several days just being as quiet, submissive, and polite as possible. I was sent to his mother’s garden to pull weeds in the sun for a few hours, and after that she apparently began liking me. Later in the week, she decided I needed a checkup at the doctor. For what reason, I don’t know.
It turns out that she scheduled me for a vaginal exam, conducted by a man. A man who I don’t know. A man who spoke in really broken English. I explained to her that I was not comfortable with any of this. It was horrible and embarrassing.
28. Absolutely No Eye Contact
I went out of state for winter break to stay with my college boyfriend’s parents. I had started my period the day we got there and didn’t notice for an hour or so, so I had some…dirty laundry, if you get my drift. I had rolled a tampon really well in toilet paper and put it in the trash can, and put my underwear in my luggage. His mom wanted to take us to dinner and his stepdad wanted to stay home.
We left and when we came back, I walked into a nightmare. I found their little pug chewing on a pair of my underwear with toilet paper shreds strewn across the room. The dog had a taste for blood, I guess. His stepdad was watching TV looking straight ahead and would not divert his eyes. I picked up all the shreds and underwear real quick. I never found the tampon.
29. Love And Other Drugs
I went to go meet my “girlfriend’s” dad. We hadn’t exactly been together, but it was shortly after we were official. Anyways, we went to her house and we couldn’t find her mom, so she yelled to her dad and got no response. She and I searched the house and we finally went downstairs to the basement to find her father with marijuana.
This was the first time she had caught her dad doing that and she ran upstairs bawling her eyes out. I was in one of the most awkward positions of my life.
30. The Typical Chat With Dad
I was invited to spend the night with this girl at her dad’s house one county over from the one I lived in. I think I was 14 and she was a bit older. She wasn’t the most attractive girl, but at this age I was trying to lose my virginity no matter what it took. When we get to her dad’s house, I’m introduced to her older brother. He’s like twenty-something and her dad is this huge muscular bald guy.
The girl and I start watching TV in the living room and, at one point, her dad comes up behind me, wraps a towel around my neck, and says, “If you touch her I will kill you.” Then, he releases me and just cracks up and pats me on the shoulder like it’s hilarious. We spent the whole next day working in this little ice cream booth while her dad carves animals out of logs with a chainsaw and tries to sell them for like $900 dollars each.
31. Better Safe Than Sorry
Well, I was 16 and dating an 18-year-old. So, one time, she comes to pick me up from my house and my mom sees her pull up in her truck. Before I can introduce them, my mom says, “If you’re going anywhere with my son I am going to need to get a copy of your driver’s licence and insurance before you guys go anywhere.” Needless to say, that was the last time I brought a girl home…
32. More Than Just An Embarrassing Family
On my 16th birthday, I had my now-boyfriend come over and celebrate my birthday with my family and I. To give a little background, we met a few years prior, lost touch and recently reconnected. We were only texting at the time, because I wasn’t allowed to date or hang out with boys by myself. So, this was the first time I’ve actually seen him in a couple of years.
I was nervous…My family knew this and mocked me for it. So, he walks in and I do introductions. He goes to shake my stepdad’s hand and my stepdad says, “Hi, I’m Rob, and I just wiped my butt.” I was so embarrassed. But I guess it wasn’t too bad since I’m still dating my boyfriend six years later.
33. She Had A New Nickname
I met my high school girlfriend’s parents during Sunday dinner. Her father and I really hit it off. During dinner, her mother, who is named Donna, kept asking me a lot of questions, to which her father joked that she had diarrhea of the mouth. I then joked that they should call her Donna-rrhea. Everyone laughed, except her mom…She hated me.
34. His Parents Were Super Sleuths
I wasn’t allowed to have a girlfriend in high school, but I decided to get one anyway. She was a really cute Italian girl whose dad was way too into classic cars. I ended up sneaking over to her house for dinner to finally meet her parents, but I hadn’t told my parents that I was leaving. Everything was going great, her dad and I were getting along great and dinner was amazing.
We sat down to watch a movie and all of a sudden, someone barged in the front door. My parents, being the sleuthy devils they were, started calling around my friends asking where I was after they realized I wasn’t in the house. Eventually, they managed to call my buddy Austin and he, being a good friend, said that I was at his house.
Now, Austin lives right next to this girl Jenny who I was dating, and so I was actually parked at his house anyway. My parents were livid, so they drove to Austin’s house and asked where I was. Austin’s mom answered the door and apparently cheerfully said, “Oh, he’s over at Jenny’s across the street!” At this point, my Dad, furious with me, walks across the road and barges in the door.
He looks me square in the eye and says, “Let’s go Mike. Now.” I don’t talk to Jenny or her family anymore.
35. He Just Wanted To Help
I was off to pick up a new girlfriend in high school one day. She was super late, so I just chilled at her house. I thought, “Hey, look, wood to split! Yay!” So, I’m chopping away on the side of the house where I can’t see the driveway. I never heard her and her dad come home. So, I get a text, “We’re here, where are you?” I go to knock on the door, and her dad opens it to see me on the threshold.
I was sweaty, breathing hard and holding an ax. He stopped, stepped back, and we stared at each other for about five seconds. I panicked and dropped the ax, trying to say, “Oh hey, I was just trying to help,” but dropped it right on my foot…So it turned into, “Oh hey, OUCH!” I’m no smoother today.
36. The Tables Have Turned
I was 19 and I met my girlfriend at the time’s mom and dad, for the first time. We had dinner, watched movies, and we even played a board game. It was fun. At the end of the night, I was about to leave and he asked to talk to me outside while I walked to my car. While we were walking to my car, he grabbed my shirt and pulled me close and started to threaten to hurt me if I hurt his baby. Something in me snapped.
Out of reflex, I broke his wrist, hyper-extended his elbow, and dislocated his shoulder. Her dad really liked me after that.
37. Disturbed Over Dinner
Years ago, I was at my ex’s for dinner for the first time, and found out that her parents are both incredibly weird. When I eat potatoes, I like to mash the heck out of them with a fork and then mix them in melting butter. When I tried doing this at the table, her dad noticed what I was doing, got up from his seat, turned his back on me and literally shouted, “That isn’t how you eat potatoes!”
Obviously, I didn’t have a clue how to react. I didn’t know whether he was being serious or if it was just his sense of humor, so I looked at his wife for reassurance. She gave me that “teacher look” that they pull when you do something wrong, got up from her seat, took both my hands in hers with the knife and fork in them, and cut the remaining two potatoes into quarters.
Her dad sat down again and we finished the meal in silence with him closely watching how I ate everything.
38. Way Out Of His League
I had already met his parents but I met more of his extended family at Thanksgiving dinner. His uncle took one look at me and asked, “You’re way too hot for him, how much did he pay you?” Awkward…Then I had to hear about their family of addicts and dysfunctionality for the rest of dinner.
39. It’s Just Jungle Fever
I was chatting with my girlfriend while she was on the phone with her parents. They knew of me at this point, and that was it. She is Black and I’m white. Her father asked her, “Why would he want to date a black girl anyway?” My official answer to this question would be that it’s meaningless to me what her race/ethnicity is.
I honestly don’t think of it very much unless we get nasty stares or comments, then I remember that we’re “supposed” to be controversial…even in a liberal college town. Out loud, I answered, “Pfft… jungle fever.” To which my girlfriend answered, “Oh, he says jungle fever.” I almost cried. His parents think I’m “whiter than cream cheese,” so they found it hilarious that I’d even know what jungle fever is. They laughed for about five minutes.
40. Is It Cool Or Is It Weird?
Her step-dad is Mexican. He said, “’Sup dude? How’s it going?” Then, he went in for a regular handshake. I replied, “Chill homie,” and went in for some odd high school gangster ridiculous fist bump thing. I ended up just grabbing his thumb and wiggling it. Her mom looked at me like I was weird.
41. Letting Their Prejudice Run Wild
My white middle-class parents made casually prejudiced comments about Hispanic low-income families around my white-passing but proud Hispanic girlfriend, now ex, who was also from a low-income family. It really made her and me incredibly uncomfortable, and yet they were completely unaware until I started calling them out on it.
42. Wives And The Way
My worst “meet the parents” situation was several years ago. I walk into his house and notice framed photos on the wall. All of them were stills from when they were on the show Wife Swap. That in and of itself is no big deal…until I saw the episode. They are crazy religious. Later, the father approached me and I stuck out my hand to shake and he just looked me up and down, turned to his son and asked, “Is she a subscriber to “The Way?”
Later on, we are all having dinner and his sister is telling the parents how she heard I was “loose” and they attempt to evangelize me.
43. Turns Out They Didn’t Like Him
I went over to pick her up for a first date. While there, I met the parents and they seemed nice. Or so I thought. While we were out, her parents called the authorities and told them I kidnapped her. It was really awkward nearly getting incarcerated.
44. He Couldn’t Control His Anger
I met my boyfriend’s father at his hockey game. He was sweet and bought me a hot chocolate and himself a coffee. About five minutes later, he gets booted from the arena for arguing with a referee and throwing his coffee at the referee’s face.
45. They Were Caught Off-Guard
My ex’s mom surprised him with a visit while we were mid-intercourse. My clothes somehow ended up all over the apartment so I had to come out and greet her wearing nothing but his shirt and pretending it was a dress. She knew. Did I mention she was one of my bosses?
46. A Good Reason To Be Immature
My boyfriend at the time had parents who were nudists. He did not tell me this in advance. I saw way more of his father than necessary within the first five seconds than I ever needed to. I immediately ran back to the car, feigning illness. Maybe it wasn’t the most mature reaction, but can you blame me?
47. Kept Himself Out of Trouble
My girlfriend only had her mother since her father passed when she was young. I go to her house to wait for her to get home and meet her mom, and she has a bottle of Dewars on the table. Her mom was pleasant and not yet not intoxicated at the time, and she offered me a drink. I normally don’t drink the hard stuff, but I decided to be polite and take it.
Her mother gets a phone call and apparently, my new girlfriend is going to be about two hours late. The mother then sits down next to me on the couch and strikes up a conversation with me. Then the unthinkable happens. Her mom, not very attractive by the way, puts her hand on my upper thigh. She says we have two hours if I’m interested and smiles.
Now at the time, I was only 18, but I had enough common sense to get the heck out of there really quickly. I met up with my girlfriend later that night and didn’t even bring up what happened. I thought, “What good could it do, right?” Two days later, my girlfriend shows up at my house and is wide-eyed, and her breath is labored.
She tells me that one of her best friends just told her that he slept with her mom. I asked when it happened, and she said two nights ago. I made the right choice!
48. Not Hidden Well Enough
I met my ex’s mom when I was 15. They were a highly Catholic family and he wasn’t allowed to date. So, I would go over after school until it was about time for them to get home. We’re making out and my shirt and bra come off. That was pretty escalated for us. So of course, the worst happens. Suddenly, we heard a car door slam outside.
He grabs my shirt and bra, hands them to me, and tells me to go hide in his closet. So, I do. Shirtless. His mom and he talk for what seems like forever just outside the door. She tells him she’s gonna go take a nap, so he needs to be quiet. Afterward, she went into her room and he came and got me. Right as I am trying to get my bra on, she steps out of her room and sees me. We broke up soon after.
49. They Never Really Got To Meet
I dated a girl for just a bit, with no plans at all to meet her parents at this point. We had just finished getting intimate for the first time when she got a call from her mom. Apparently, they had a little too much to drink and needed a sober ride home. She asked if I minded, and I didn’t, so we headed to the bar to get them. They were kind enough to be outside waiting for us when we got there.
They were both leaning back on a railing above some concrete steps leading to an outside basement entrance. She waves at them and they wave back. Her dad lost his balance and went backward over the railing. Her mom looked over and just started wailing. I made my girlfriend stay in the car and call for help while I went to see what happened. It was more chilling than I could have ever imagined.
He landed just right on the corner of one of the stairs and split his skull wide open. He had passed before I ever said a word to him. That relationship didn’t last very long.
50. They’re A Little Too Close
My first real relationship at the beginning of college was with a girl who had a strange dad. The first time I went over to her and her family’s house, her dad walked in her room and started massaging her feet while she was laying on the bed and he was all like, “I love you, sweetie.” Then, he introduces himself to me after like two minutes of foot rubbing.
I was like, “Um, what the heck was that?!” when he left. She said that he’s just an affectionate dad. But that wasn’t all. She then told me how they hold hands while watching movies. A massive yikes.