First comes love, then comes meeting the parents—and is there really anything more harrowing than getting to know the father of the person you’re sleeping with? Go on, we’ll wait. From the mortifying to the menacing to the mind-blowing, you don’t have to be Gaylord Focker to enjoy these Redditors’ troubling tales.
1. Whoda Thunk It
I’m bi but was dating a girl at the time this happened. We had just watched Finding Dory at the movie theater and were walking over to her house. When we got in the door, my jaw dropped. We were greeted by a man that I had slept with two months earlier. It was her dad.
2. Tears Of Pride?
I had a massive poop on hold and my girlfriend and I didn’t know if her father was home. As soon as we got in the house, I dashed to the toilet. Ten minutes later, I had destroyed the bathroom. As soon as I was finished, he came to greet me. I tried to close the door to lock the odor in but I failed. The smell was intense. I saw his right eye tear up a little.
3. Heeere's Daddy!
One time, I was invited over to watch Pride and Prejudice with a girl I liked. Why that movie? I really wish I knew. Anyway, we were about 19 at the time. She lived with her dad. I met her dad and he did typical dad things. Fast forward a few hours and she and I were in the dark living room on the couch watching the movie.
Her legs were on my lap and I was rubbing them when I saw a glint of light out of my peripheral vision. I froze. Her dad was standing in the hallway in his boxers holding a big kitchen cleaver. He called out, “Everything all right in there, Jen?" She said, “Yeah, Dad,” without turning around.
She never believed me when I told her what actually happened.
4. Happy Hump Day
The first time I went to my girlfriend’s house, her dog greeted me at the door before anyone else arrived. He then proceeded to hump my leg. When I pushed him off, he started biting my fingers. So, when her dad came to answer the door I was just standing there staring blankly as a little blue heeler humped the life out of me.
My girlfriend is a dark-skinned Brazilian, and they think she’s half-black. After we had been dating for a few months, I helped her move out of an apartment and into her mom’s house. On the way to her house, she said, “I don’t know if my mom is home right now”. Cool, whatever, I thought to myself. I’m usually good with parents, so I wasn’t worried. WELL, I should have been.
We got to the house and started moving stuff in. This little old white lady came over and started talking to us. No one introduced me, and this woman didn’t say anything like, “Hi, I’m [your girlfriend’s] mom”. I assumed that this person was a neighbor. I didn’t introduce myself and remained pretty quiet the whole time we were there.
As we were leaving, the little white lady handed me a container of brownies and a card with $50 in it to thank me for helping move. I didn’t want to accept it because I had no idea who this woman was. Now, at this point, I should mention that in the year I had been with my girlfriend, she had never mentioned that she was adopted.
My girlfriend had also never mentioned that her mother was an elderly white woman who had raised her alone. So, you can probably imagine my horror when I realized that the woman I had been rather dismissive of turned out to be my girlfriend’s mother. Everything turned out OK in the end, but I still poke fun at myself about it with her mom.
6. The Bionic Man
When my girlfriend’s stepdad was at work, she and I were in her room watching TV on her bed. We were just holding hands and sitting next to each other on the bed when we heard him arrive home downstairs. About 10 minutes later, when I least expected it, a man who was a little shorter than me but a lot more bulked out, burst open the door.
His arm was still extended like some sort of Cyberman from an old Doctor Who episode as he shouted, “HELLO! HOW ARE YOU?" I thought it was some sort of act done to intimidate me, and it really did make me nervous. After a few months of knowing the guy, I now know it was out of nervousness. The abruptness of it made me almost poop myself, though.
7. Betrayed By His Own Body
As a teenage dweeb, I dated this very sweet girl during my senior year of high school. She finally asked me over to dinner at her family’s house to show them that we were taking our relationship seriously. This was my very first “meet the parents” scenario in my whole life, so I was a little freaked out about how the introduction would go.
We headed over to her house and when we walked into the kitchen, her mom greeted us and seemed delighted to meet me, which put me in a good mood. Then my girlfriend ran upstairs to grab her dad. I could hear him moaning and groaning about having to come down. I couldn’t hear all of what he said, but what I did hear was pretty, uh, disheartening…
I heard him distinctly say, “I’m not introducing myself to a 17-year-old who thinks he can touch my daughter”. Oof, OK. My girlfriend and I awkwardly stood around trying to pretend that we were not hearing this stuff when we heard a “Fine!" Both of her parents came back downstairs. Her dad, totally reluctantly, in this over-the-top way extended his hand.
His first words to me were, “You’re Readycent?" And just as I reached my hand out and said yes, I got a nosebleed. Her father stood there for a moment, muttered, “Yup,” and walked straight out the back door to his wood shop, where he stayed for the rest of the night. Screw that over-dramatic jerk, I hadn’t even done anything wrong…yet.
8. A Nose For Trouble
I went to my girlfriend’s house and hung out with her family. We were all sitting around the fire and telling ghost stories—it was pretty chill. When it started to get late, the two of us decided to head upstairs and watch some movies in her room. On the way to the stairs, her father suddenly grabbed my hand…
He put my fingers up to his nose and inhaled deeply and dramatically. He then looked me in the eye and said, “They’d better smell like that when you come back down”. It was pretty hilarious and definitely memorable.
9. Trash Bandit
The first time I was at my girlfriend’s place, we each took a piece of fruit as she was showing me around. When I finished my banana, I went to throw it away downstairs. Their garbage can was below the sink, so I bent down, and it made quite some noise when I opened it. From the other side of the room, came an angry shout.
“Hey! Hey! What do you think you’re doing in there?!" As I turned around, I saw her angry dad storming toward me. I said, “Uh, just throwing away my banana”. Then her dad started laughing. “Oh, ha, ha! I thought it was the dog going through the trash. I couldn’t see you”. They made fun of me for that for a long time afterward.
10. It’s A Small World After All
My family owned an auto service station which I worked at during high school. One day, a gentleman, we will call him John, came in and asked for brake fluid. John bought the brake fluid and left. A month or so later, we got a letter from his attorney seeking damages because we supposedly put brake fluid in his transmission.
Our lawyer wrote to their lawyer and that’s the last we heard about that. We were a full-service station and I would pump gas for people, check their fluids and add fluids if necessary, and so on. There was a woman, let’s call her Mary, who came by a couple of times a month. One day, when Mary came through, I added a quart of oil to her car, which was an older Mercedes.
Mary came back that evening with oil all over the front of the car and accused me of not replacing the oil cap, which I couldn’t deny my way out of. I might have very well done that. I took my beating on it, cleaned the car, and listened to her threaten my family. Sometimes you learn your lessons the hard way, I guess.
About a year after both of these incidents, I met a girl at a friend’s house. We started talking and set up a date. I pulled into her driveway and thought, hmm, that green Mercedes looks familiar—really familiar. I went to the door and the girl greeted me. I then walked into the living room and lo and behold…there was Mary watching TV.
I then looked over at her dad and he looked up from a magazine. It was John. Well, geez. I went blank for a minute, and then I think I said hi and exchanged some small talk. I’m not absolutely certain, I only know that I REALLY wanted to leave. I dated this girl for a few months and the aforementioned incidents never came up.
11. Father Knows Best
I’m female, but I have a story that fits. A bit of background: My dad is a very blunt man. He’s sweet as can be and would give you his last penny, but he’s got no filter and will not even pretend to like someone if he doesn’t actually like them. I had dated this guy in my early 20s, who was a complete dingleberry. Honestly, I was too “in love” to notice, or even care.
The first time he met my parents, my mom, the ever-sweet southern debutante, was nice to him. My dad...not so much. As my mom and my boyfriend were talking, my mom noticed that my dad was asleep in his chair. She woke him up to tell him how rude he was being.
My dad said, “I might be rude, but I don’t like that boy. I’m not gonna talk to him”. He then fell back to sleep. I was mortified.
12. Misery Loves Company?
One time while I was in high school, my girlfriend and I were making full use of the living room since her parents were gone for the day. At one point, we were undressed and just laying there on the couch between rounds. Suddenly, we heard the door open, so we quickly grabbed a big old blanket and threw it over ourselves.
In walked her dad, and might I add that he had only heard of me before. This was his first time meeting me. He introduced himself and proceeded to get comfortable on the couch. To our horror, he watched the movie (that we only had on as background noise) with us for another hour. All while we were wearing absolutely nothing under the blanket on the other couch.
In 2005, I took a train to Connecticut to meet my college girlfriend’s family. She picked me up from the train station and when we got to the house, I had to pee really badly so I figured I’d run to the potty before meeting everyone. My girlfriend told me to use the bathroom upstairs because they were renovating the other one…
I opened the bathroom door—and saw something I just can't unsee. Lo and behold, there was her dad pooping.
14. Dad Knows A Booty Call When He Sees One
I showed up at my girlfriend’s house unexpectedly at 11:00 pm. Her father was in bed. Her brother let me in and then went and woke up their father so he could meet me. I shook his hand and he sleepily shook mine. He then asked, in very broken English, why I was visiting his daughter so late.
I said, I had just arrived in the area and had missed surprising her in the outside world. He instantly woke up when I mentioned meeting her outside his house. She came into the living room at that point and we left her father there steaming, sleepy, and surprised. A word to the wise, don’t wake a 113 kg (250 lb) Puerto Rican as a first meeting while dating his youngest daughter.
15. “Do I Amuse You”?
When my friend’s daughter started seriously dating a man, we decided to have some fun—Godfather style, since they have a big Italian family. We set up the kitchen chairs in a semi-circle with one chair in the center. All of us sat down in the chairs and called in the boyfriend. The girl’s father told him to take a seat…
The girl’s father then cracked his knuckles and said, “What exactly are your intentions toward my daughter”? Too bad we weren’t able to keep straight faces, though. We all burst out laughing and had some drinks.
Correction: had some more drinks.
16. Intimidation With A Side Of Overcompensation
This girl’s father was in a wheelchair but was very well-built. He obviously lifted weights as much as he could from his confines. My girlfriend warned me that he tried to break a previous guy’s hand upon meeting him and shaking his hand. Nevertheless, I went to meet him. He stuck his hand out to shake and I didn’t hesitate.
When I shook his hand, he looked at his daughter as if to say, “If you weren’t here, I’d totally rip his hand off his wrist”. Then he started giving me “the talk” about dating her. He ended it by telling me about his .45 over on the shelf. I really, really wanted to answer with: “This shelf? The one right next to me, but several feet across the room from you?" but I didn’t.
17. Perception Vs. Reality
My girlfriend’s dad was huge—probably 196 cm (6'5") at least and super ripped. I’d heard scary stories about him, so our first meeting was pretty terrifying for me. He introduced himself as the leader of the local biker club and said, “If anyone in town starts anything with you guys, tell them you’re with me”.
He was actually pretty nice, though. He even made us spaghetti for dinner.
18. That’s Fine, How Do You Do?
My friend’s little brother found the love of his life when he was in his mid-20s. These two lovebirds were a match made in heaven. He was over at her parents’ for dinner, and the girl’s wild-eyed stocky little uncle went a little too far. He grabbed my buddy by the throat and slammed him into the wall about two seconds after shaking his hand.
Apparently, this was a very pronounced effort to discourage my friend from becoming “that terrible guy who broke her little heart”. Anyway, I imagine that dinner that night was a tad awkward. This happened about five years ago and the couple is still going strong. At least, I haven’t heard of any other incidents that followed.
19. Playing Doctor
My high school girlfriend missed a week of school because she had pharyngitis. One day, I went over to bring her some stuff from her locker and thought it would be funny to walk in wearing a surgical mask. I stood outside the house tying it around my head when her very tall and stocky father came out and asked me who I was and what I was doing.
I told her dad I was her new boyfriend and said that I thought it would be funny to walk in wearing a mask. He wasn’t amused and neither was my girlfriend. Jackie, I know you’re on Reddit. If you’re reading this, I still think it was funny.
20. Maybe It’s Funnier With Subtitles
This happened at my first dinner with my girlfriend’s family. Apparently, her grandma had been in the US for 75 years but had never learned English. The old woman stared at me sternly and rattled off in Italian while pointing a gnarly finger at me. My GF’s dad rattled back. I asked what she said.
Her father, still eating, answered without looking up, “She likes your shirt”. They all laughed but me.
21. Calm, Cool, And Covered In Blood
I had just started seeing this girl when I ran into her in town while she was waiting for a bus. We just about had time to say hi to each other before the unthinkable happened. A very old woman tripped and fell backward as she was boarding the bus. She landed hard on her head. This girl’s mom, who has been a nurse for the last 25 years, was there with her as well.
Her mother immediately began assessing the woman’s injuries while trying to stop the bleeding from her head. A pair of paramedics arrived and tried to take over, but she shooed them away. “I’ve been doing this since before you were born!" So, yeah, I first met my girlfriend’s very intimidating mother while she was covered in an old lady’s blood up to her elbows.
22. Just A Bottom Burp
During my senior year, I was dating this older college girl. When I finally got to go over to her family’s house for dinner, the dog went under my seat and cut the cheese. Like he really let ’er rip. I’ve never heard a louder toot from a dog in my whole life. How do you blame flatulence on the dog on a first encounter? The right answer is, you don’t.
23. Master Of Subtlety
Her father’s first words to me were, “Please let me give you a tour of the house. First stop, my firearm collection”.
24. Bro Played The Long Game
The first time I met my girlfriend’s dad, I tried to shake his hand and introduce myself all seriously and respectfully. He grabbed my hand and half-shook it without even ONCE looking at me. I thought he was the world’s biggest jerk. Six years later, I’m engaged to his daughter, and he and I are pretty close. He’s even paying for us to go to Disney World next year.
25. Saintly Spidey Sense?
I had been dating this girl for a long time. We had done all sorts of depraved intimate acts together. Unfortunately, her parents were both extreme televangelist-type people. When I got to her place, her mom literally sat us down and said, “This is a Christian house” and basically said no dirty stuff allowed. Unfortunately, hormones are hard to overcome.
My girlfriend and I started watching a movie together and touching each other a little. I thought, “Hmm, maybe if we’re really quiet and we make it quick”. Suddenly, her dad shouted my name from the hall. I walked out and he proceeded to reiterate that, “This is a Christian household and if you want to do that, you should get a hotel”.
I proceeded to have major blue balls for the duration of the visit.
26. Wrong Place, Wrong Time
I was going to meet my girlfriend’s parents, and she was laying down the rules as I walked over. “No cursing and no dirty jokes, OK?" I rolled my eyes and said, “What do you think I’m gonna do? Say ‘Hi, I’m ninjajesus101, [insert the dirtiest joke imaginable]”. Suddenly, we both heard a voice from behind us…
“Oh, that’s interesting”. We turned around and, of course, there was her mother right behind us. She had heard it all.
27. Not-So Well Done
When I was a kid, I was pretty picky and had an aversion to red meat—especially when it was rare. In seventh grade, I had my first girlfriend and I was invited to a BBQ at her house. Her dad personally handed me the rarest burger I’ve probably had to this day. It was basically bleeding and totally raw inside. My stomach lurched.
Looking back, I think maybe the burgers had been frozen and not totally thawed. Anyway, I was really nervous and didn’t want to seem picky so I choked most of it down while discreetly gagging. Luckily, I somehow managed to hide the rest in a napkin and throw it away. For the rest of the evening, I felt nauseous and was convinced I was going to die from E coli.
28. Sweet 16
I had been dating this guy who was five years older than me. So, he was dropping me off at my house after we celebrated my 16th birthday at TGI Fridays. My curfew was midnight, so me being a teenage genius, I decided that if we were making out in his car in the driveway, that technically meant I was not breaking curfew because, I mean, I was home.
This was in the early days of cell phones, and I had just gotten one. I got an incoming call from my dad at around 12:30 am. He was angry because he thought I wasn’t home yet. “Where are you?” he yelled. “In the driveway, Dad," I said all cheery at how perfectly brilliant my idea was. He immediately hung up and I know things were about to go down.
I said goodbye to my boyfriend, got out of the car, and started booking it to the front door. On the way there, I ran into my dad, wearing his boxers. He obviously had just woken up and his face was very red. He just looked right at me and cursed at me. This was also more confirmation that serious stuff was about to go down, cause he had never said that to me before.
My boyfriend didn’t even have time to back out of the driveway. My dad walked up to his car door, flung it open, and said, “WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN KEEP MY DAUGHTER OUT THIS LATE?" My boyfriend just stared at him in utter terror. Then my dad said, “I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN”.
He slammed the car door and went back inside.
29. Running The Gauntlet
A few weeks before I went overseas to meet my girlfriend’s parents for the first time, my wife told me that her dad worked for the government in the national security department. His family didn’t know what he did and I’m pretty sure he didn’t want them to know.
After my 14-hour flight, I changed into a wrinkled suit in the airport bathroom and headed to their house. They had made a reservation at a seafood restaurant that specialized in blowfish. Unfortunately, all I could think about was the Simpsons episode where Homer almost perishes after eating blowfish.
We were chatting as we waited for the food to come out and things were going well. Usually, parents love me, which comes in handy. Her father orders the blowfish, which causes me to break out into a flop sweat. After 15 minutes, the meal came out and I was relieved to see that the fish was served family-style on one big plate.
Her father wanted to serve me, but I insisted on serving myself. I scooped my portion from the opposite side from where I was sitting—JUST IN CASE. But then I started to wonder if he was playing mind games with me and predicted that I would do that and eventually eat the poisonous side.
I nervously ate and answered questions, which I’d meticulously prepared for as if it were a job interview. All the while I was trying to rid myself of the thought of my imminent demise. They love that I’m an eater and order more. Gah!
I think I did pretty well considering I was sweating the whole time, I hadn’t slept for at least a day, and my brain was racing with thoughts of annihilation by blowfish. After dinner, we went back to their home and her parents told me to stay in their daughter’s room—with her in it. Is this a trick? A gotcha moment?
At that point, I thought the blowfish poison may have already taken over so I didn’t care. My girlfriend thought it was hilarious to try to get frisky and watch me squirm. We just celebrated three years of marriage.
I had just gotten off the plane from a deployment and I was going to take my girlfriend to a hotel for a weekend of fun-filled with games like hide the sausage. She told me I had to go meet her parents first, which was no big deal, or so I thought…
So, when the time came, good ol’ Private mrclean18 (aka me) walked into the house without any idea that it belonged to his Lieutenant Colonel (aka his girlfriend’s dad). Now he’s lieutenant colonel father-in-law, though, so I guess it went OK.
31. Call Her Creepy
I’d been dating my girlfriend at university for a while and we were having a lot of fun. She was a very wild girl who taught me a lot. She did like to call me daddy while we were getting busy, which wasn’t my thing but you’ve got to be good, giving, and game, right? Unfortunately, I got a real shock meeting her father for the first time.
When I first met her father, I was astonished. It was like looking into the future and seeing an older, paunchier version of myself. When I realized how similar looking we were, the daddy talk got really uncomfortable really quickly. I’m sure I won’t be faulted when I say that the relationship didn’t last very long after that.
32. Go Birds!!
I was meeting my girlfriend’s father at a casual dinner at a diner. I decided to wear a T-shirt emblazoned with my favorite sports team’s logo—the Philadelphia Eagles—thinking it would be a decent conversation starter. Turns out her father is a huge Commanders fan. After an awkward moment, I said “Well, screw Dallas, right?” He laughed and said, “You have that right”.
I met my girlfriend’s dad after a few months of dating. Both of her parents were cool until later in the night after they’d had a few too many bottles of Merlot. I got the impression that her dad thought his daughter was too good for me and I was just temporary. He also kept making jokes about my height. I showed him, though, and married her a few years later. We’re cool now.
34. Walk Of Shame
After a fun night with my girlfriend, I was sneaking down the stairs at 6:00 am. Her dad was up making coffee in a tank top and underwear, and we immediately met eyes. “Hey, um, sir…I’m leaving,” I said awkwardly. “Tell [his daughter’s name] I’ll text her later”. That morning I definitely would’ve won gold in Olympic speed walking.
35. Oh, What A Tangled Web We Weave…
As my girlfriend and I were getting out of the car, her parents were waiting on the porch to meet me for the first time. But here's the thing. She picked that time to tell me that she was 15, not 18. Also, she had told them that I was 17 and a high school senior, but I was 20 and in the Army at the time.
36. Parents Just Don’t Understand
My girlfriend and I were best friends before we started dating. I’m from Virginia and she’s from Oklahoma, which made me not want to jump into a random relationship that might not last if it had to become long-distance. I ended up meeting her dad because her cousin was having a baby, and me being the soft human I am, wanted to go hold a cute li’l baby.
So my friend (who was not my GF yet), three friends, and I made the drive to the hospital. I had no idea that her entire family was going to be there, but it was fine since I’m usually pretty good around parents. I totally had a huge crush on her, which was clear to everybody but her. I was trying my best to make a good impression on her family.
I started off by trying to talk sports with her dad, but he had no interest. Strike one! I ended up getting along with her stepmom really well, though. Maybe I should’ve picked up on her stepmom telling me how great it is that I’m in touch with my feminine side, but oh well. I got to hold the baby and was super happy because the baby was adorable.
Her dad was more of a manly man and didn’t really understand why I was enjoying the baby. He made it clear that he didn’t want to hold the kid, despite my trying to hand it off to him. Her dad ended up taking us out for dinner but he didn’t really want to talk to me, which was fine. I just ended up talking to her stepmom the whole time.
After dinner, as we were saying our goodbyes, I ran into one of my football buddies and smacked his behind, which is pretty common in football. After I did that, I looked up and saw her dad staring at me. I think I was just totally caught off guard, so I just stared back at him for a second, before nodding and walking to the car.
A few days later, I was talking to my now girlfriend and she said that her dad and stepmom were talking about me to her. Something she said made it click in my head that they thought I was her gay best friend. Apparently, they thought that for a while. Even while we were dating. It took some time to convince her dad that I was straight, but we get along pretty well now.
37. Doomed From The Jump
The day before my college girlfriend’s parents came to visit to size me up, she and I were goofing around and playing Nerf hoops in the apartment. I took it to the hole and she was crowding the paint. There was an inadvertent elbow on my part, and a subsequent black eye on her face. Dinner with her parents was awkward, to say the least.
38. That Took A Turn
I met this Dutch girl in London and a few weeks later, we flew to Amsterdam to meet her parents. Neither of her parents could speak English and it was all very uncomfortable. We just sat in their flat, nodding and smiling. Eight months later, we got married. At the wedding, my new father-in-law had a surprise for me.
He made a speech in almost perfect English. When I asked him how that was possible, he said, “After I met you, I knew that you two were soulmates and I wanted to be able to talk to my new family”.
39. Quite The Predicament
My girlfriend and I were alone in her family’s apartment, and one thing led to another... I was standing up with my pants down around my ankles. A second later, I heard the door open. I pulled my pants up and sat down—all in a fraction of a second. Her dad walked into the living room.
It was my first time meeting him and I couldn’t stand up to shake his hand because my pants would fall down if I did.
40. Foot Meet Mouth
So, I don’t really care about cars. They’re just a means of transportation to me. However, I’d once read that BMWs are not made very well made compared to other German cars. I also read that they are really expensive to get repaired. So, for some reason, I was talking cars with my girlfriend’s dad, who loves cars, when I mentioned how awful BMWs are.
I was going on and on about how they’re not worth it because they are unreliable and so expensive to maintain, and all the while he’s just smiling at me and nodding along. Eventually, he said, “Wanna see my car?" I replied with an enthusiastic “Sure”, thinking that I’m a car genius and I’ve really impressed the heck out of him.
He took me out to his garage—and my heart drops. Lo and behold, there sat his big, shiny BMW in all of its mocking glory. “I’ve had this car for 15 years and I’ve taken care of it myself for all that time," he said proudly. “Looks pretty good, right?" I responded with a “Meeeeep”.
Word to the wise? Don’t pretend to know stuff, fellas.
41. He Said, She Said
I had been dating my girlfriend for around nine months, and I was reasonably sure I was going to marry her. I began looking for a ring, which took a few months, and upon finding it, I wanted to call each of her parents (they are divorced) and ask for their blessing. Now, my girlfriend was a daddy’s girl, and she loved him very much.
At this point, I had yet to meet or speak with him as he lived 12 hours away on the other side of Texas. So I first called my girlfriend’s mother and asked for her blessing. After she said yes, I asked for her ex-husband’s number so that I could ask him. She said, “I’ll give you his number, but let me warn you. He’s a very difficult man to deal with”.
I was unsure about how to proceed, but I wanted to do this right, so I gave him a call. After a few rings, a gruff-sounding fellow said, “Hello?" I told him who I was and asked for his blessing to ask for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Now, my girlfriend and I had been planning to go see him in a month and a half, so he said he’d rather meet me in person before giving his blessing.
I agreed to that, and the call ended. Her mother called me the next day to ask what the verdict was. I told her that he wanted to meet in person before agreeing. She said, “I told you he’s difficult! He can be such a jerk! I do NOT envy you AT ALL! I just feel so sorry for you!" She continued to badmouth him for a month and a half until it was time for our trip to meet him.
Her mother called again before we arrived for the weekend and told me to just stay strong and to try not to hold anything he does against her daughter. We arrived, I got out of the car, and this dude who looks like Santa Claus walked off the porch and introduced himself with a hearty handshake. He said he was glad to meet me and is looking forward to the weekend.
The weekend flew by. It was excellent. On the day of our departure, I caught him in the kitchen and asked if he would give his blessing. He said, “Absolutely”. Contrary to popular belief, he was just a great guy, all around.
42. Just Say No
When I first met my girlfriend’s father, he looked like Tom Petty and had just finished injecting himself with some illicit substances. I really don’t think he cared what I did with his daughter.
43. Happily Ever After
When I was in high school, I dated a girl whose father was the wrestling coach at West Point. This man was a hulking 193 cm (6’4”) and easily 124 kg (275 lb) of solid muscle. When I first met him, he simply looked at me and said, “I have one question, Jets or Giants?" I said Jets, he said good man, and that was it.
44. Train Wreck
My first girlfriend’s dad was really, really, really into trains.
After dinner (and a glass of Chardonnay or two), he started talking about trains. My girlfriend, her sister, and mother noped outta there to clean up (aka escape). Being young, polite, and eager to impress, I stayed and got taken down a long and winding rabbit hole of a train conversation.
I was at the dinner table with him for at least 90 minutes. My girlfriend definitely could have come and stopped it but she told me that she and her sister and mom thought it was so hilarious that they wanted to see how long it would go on. That was when I was a teenager. Now that I’m older, I don’t think the “meet the parents” thing is as big of a deal as it once was.
45. Out On A Limb
My girlfriend, 19, took me, 27, to her parents' place, introduced me, and sat me at the table with them. She then said, “I’ll be right back, I’m just going downstairs to say hi to Nana”. She left me alone and everything was awkwardly quiet. After a few minutes of silence, I decided I needed to break the tension.
I piped up and said, “So, this isn’t the part where you ask me what my intentions are with your daughter is it?" After a moment of silence, they both started laughing. Once they collected themselves her father drily said, “Well, since you brought it up”. We are now married with two kids. The daughter and I—not the dad. That also would have been awkward.
46. Hope The Apple Falls Far From The Tree
I met my boyfriend’s father for the first time at my boyfriend’s hockey game. The father was very sweet and bought a hot chocolate for me and a coffee for himself. About five minutes later, he was kicked out of the arena for arguing with a ref and throwing his coffee at the ref’s face.
47. Now There’s Some Vivid Imagery
On the way home from fishing, my dad and I stopped by the CVS where my new girlfriend worked. She was working in the back of the pharmacy, so I pointed her out from the front of the store. My dad said, “Did she see you? No? Good, stay here”. He then walked up to her and asked if they sold Vagisil. She told him yes and pointed to a little tube not far from him.
He got this worried look on his face and said, “No, honey, I need more than that. Do you have it in a gallon-size jug?" She stared at him for a second and started to laugh. But then he turned it up a notch. He pretended to get angry and yelled, “Do you think this is funny?!" It was at that moment that I quickly stepped in.
She was relieved to be saved from my slightly redneck dad who clearly took the joke WAAAAAYYYY too far. He thought it was hilarious. It’s been eight years now and I think she still hasn’t forgiven him for it.
48. Live And Let Live?
My ex’s dad was staying in a mental hospital when I started dating her, which meant that she and I had the house to ourselves because her mother wasn’t around. So, one night after getting lucky, I went downstairs to the kitchen for a snack. Suddenly, this fat undressed man asked me who I was and why was I in his kitchen.
Turns out this guy was her dad. He’d been discharged from the hospital, came home all quiet like, somehow got in the house without either of us hearing him, and wanted a quick snack sans clothing. We awkwardly shook hands, made fun of each other’s fat bellies, and went on with our lives.
49. God Bless Us, Every One!
I had been dating this girl for about three months when it was time to meet her family. We made arrangements and went over for dinner. Her father was nothing short of a PRISONER. The entire night he barely spoke, and when he did it was only after being directly prompted by his wife or daughters, and it was always one-word answers.
The entire dinner consisted of them making jokes at his expense and making fun of him while simultaneously spilling the beans on the intimate and personal details of his life. His wife treated him with absolute contempt and disdain, which was also how his daughters treated him as well. The only living thing in that house that had any affection for him was the cat.
This man spent 30 years working hard as a civil engineer to support his family. His wife never worked a day in her life, before or after him. He put two daughters through college, paid their rent, and bought them cars and basically anything else they wanted, and they treated him like a malfunctioning robot butler.
His eyes were completely empty, like a lion who’s been in the zoo too long. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the whole incident was like a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Future. It scared me so much that I had no choice but to break up with her about a week later.
50. Wild Ride
My girlfriend undressed me and tied me to the bed. She then decided it was a good time to run to the store for a beverage. While she was out, her mom got home, came straight upstairs, opened the door, and asked where her daughter was. “She’s gone out to the store," I said as I lay there with not a stitch of clothing on.
Her mom calmly said, “Oh. OK,” and left, closing the door behind her. Thank God the old lady was as blind as a bat.