Relationships can get pretty messy. After the honeymoon phase (or even during the honeymoon!) the fog lifts and suddenly people start noticing all the little things the bother them. From the way they chew to the way the use toilet paper, they’re going to drive you crazy! It might be the straw that broke the camel’s back, but the one last little action can cause some very questionable breakups. If you’re the dumper, you might be ashamed of having a “stupid” reason to break up, but if you’re the dumpee, you should just feel lucky you got out when you did!
Thanks for Holding Me Over!
The girl told me she thought this boy who she had a crush on for a long time was going to ask her out. She said this to me, her current boyfriend.
Rushing Through Life
She met someone that she immediately saw herself marrying. A month after we broke up, she moved across the country, got married, called me to tell me she made a mistake, got divorced, moved back home, got pregnant and then got married again. She’s 22.
When I was a teen, my ex broke up with me because I didn’t walk her home. I walked her home pretty much every day for like half a year and one day when we were next to my house with her next-door neighbor, I decided I was just going to let them walk together and I’ll chill for a change but apparently that makes me a bad boyfriend so I got dumped.
I wish I still had the text, but long story short, she was mad that I DIDN’T grab her butt in public on our first date…
Deathly Afraid of Commitment
After going out with this guy for six months, I asked him if we were dating, and he immediately ghosted me.
No Trucking Way
My girlfriend broke up with me because she found out the truck I was driving was owned by my mom.
I bought my girlfriend one of the World of Warcraft expansion packs for her birthday. She started playing again—like she really got into it—and I hardly saw her. She’d play all night and would come to bed as I was getting up. To be clear, that’s what made me want to dump her, but I never even got the chance. What ended up happening was she started playing with her ex and it rekindled their feelings for each other.
She dumped me after a couple of weeks of this and got back with him. But, by that time he had moved away, so their relationship was entirely limited to playing questing or something. And then they broke up again after like a month of this. At the time it was horrible, but now I can’t help but laugh.
All in a Name
My ex’s cat was named “Ben.” The girl I was dating’s cat was named “Bundles.” One day, I called her cat Ben. She asked me what I just called her cat. I thought about it and then remembered that was my ex’s cat’s name. I laughed and told her and she was super unimpressed. She broke up with me the next day.
She said, “I’m not ready for a relationship.” I thought it was a bad time to bring that up since we were engaged and had been together for almost 2 years.
Out of Nowhere
A guy who I wasn’t aware I was dating broke up with me even though we’d only had dinner once and spoke a handful of times via text but with very short messages. Out of the blue after a few months, I get a long message telling me he has to break up with me. We were both in our late 30s.
Butter Not Have
“Dumped” might be extreme, but on a first date, girl asked me to go buy her popcorn literally as the movie started, so I did, whispered as I was getting up, “You want butter on that?” I brought it back and she says, “Is there butter on this?” I said, “Yes, I asked and you said ‘yeah,’” and she said, “No, I specifically said, ‘Nah’.”
I thought she was joking or something so I said, “Well, maybe this just isn’t going to work out,” and she said, “I think you’re right. Thanks for nothing,” and left! But she still took my popcorn. She could have at least thanked me for that.
Not How We Roll
I was dating this guy for a few months and over Messenger, he broke up with me because “you put the toilet paper the wrong way.”
I was dating a guy whose parents didn’t like me. It was a long-distance relationship, and so we mostly chatted online but also made occasional phone calls. So, we were talking on the phone, and at one point I said, “You shouldn’t have to choose between me and your parents…” The conversation continued and we decided to break up. We stayed friends.
Something like 10 years later, we were talking online when the subject of our breakup came up. It turned out that he thought I said, “You should have to choose between me and your parents…” and decided that he wasn’t going to do that. I would never give someone that kind of ultimatum. That would be ridiculous. It blew my mind that a single misheard word caused us to break up, and we didn’t realize it for 10 years.
Not Too Fishy
“We have to break up. I mean, we can’t even get married… you’re allergic to fish!” She chose the occasional tuna sandwich over me. I laughed and still tell the story so I guess it’s a win!
Must Have Gotten Lost in the Mail
We dated exclusively for a year and a half and then I got dumped on Thanksgiving because he forgot to tell me he was getting married that weekend.
I met this guy on OkCupid and after chatting a bit, we seemed to have a bunch in common. We went on one dinner date that was ok but kind of awkward. He said some stuff that could either be red flags or he’s a bad sarcastic flirt, etc.—I was on the fence about another date but when he POUTED that I wouldn’t kiss him in the parking lot I decided more on the no side.
We didn’t talk after that. Eh, it happens. I forgot about it and went on with my single life. Then TEN MONTHS GO BY. I get a message on OkCupid from him. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It said, “I see you’re no longer lying about your age. Anything else you want to come clean about?” Me, having no idea what he’s talking about, responded with, “What?”
“Your profile says you’re 30 now.” After I explain and say tell him that yeah because TIME PASSED and now, I’m 30. Before that, it said 29. That’s how aging works? He says, “Well I can’t entertain dating someone who would lie about something this basic. We’re done.” But when did we even start? He blocked me. I’m sure he felt…righteous?
Butt End of the Relationship
In middle school, 7th grade to be exact, she said, “I want dudes to be able to grab my butt and I can’t do that when I’m with you.” I mean yeah it was the right thing to do but come on!
Not One Ring for You
It was me doing the dumping. Looking back, I know this may be kind of shallow, but I recently went on a few dates with a girl, but I ultimately friend-zoned her because she told me Lord of the Rings is trash.
Can’t Touch This
He told me I was fat. I was the exact same weight as when we started dating. A year later he wanted me back. I made sure I looked really good. We went out to dinner. When we got home, he told me how good looking I was. He leaned into kiss me. That’s when I dropped the line I’d planned all night. I backed up and said, “I’m too fat remember!? Good night!”
I was the same weight when he dated me.
Two Against One
Mary and her twin sister Susan came from a conservative and sheltered family. I was Mary’s first boyfriend. Mary wasn’t going to school because it was summer break. She also wasn’t working. When I first started going out with Mary, Susan would text her nonstop. Susan would make up excuses that her stomach hurts and ask Mary to come home.
I tried to talk to Susan and she made it seem like I was stealing Mary away from her. I made a compromise with Mary to see her at least once a week. I was making time for Mary even though I was working full time while she had no job/school. In the end, Susan’s jealously made it impossible for Mary and me to develop any kind of healthy relationship.
They were both 23 at the time and would spend most of their time cosplaying. The weirdest part was they would often dress as the couples in the anime and even Photoshop themselves kissing/making out. So, yeah, I was attracted to Mary’s kindness, since she was actually a really caring person. But it turns out there was a reason why they both never dated.
Planning a Future Together
I quit a customer service job that I was miserable at, but making $11 an hour, and got a job at Taco Bell the same week making $10 an hour with better/more hours, but was told that I wasn’t thinking about the long term or a career I could have to start a family with her. We were 20 and 21 and had been dating for 3 whole months.
Ending on Time
I had a girl break up with me because “It’s been 53 hours since you said I love you, so clearly you are trying to be distant so I break up with you first so YOU WIN.” I was relieved after the initial shock she was apparently batty and I never knew.
Absolutely No Affection
In high school, she broke up with me because she saw me kiss another girl on the cheek. It was my mom’s cheek I kissed.
I dated a chick in my early 20s and we partied a lot at the time. One night I refused to get into her car and go for the drive home since we were obliterated. She got upset, said, “Screw you, [my name]! I’ll be fine on my own.” I receive a call from her 36 hours later, she’d been bailed out of jail already. “[My name], you are a jerk, it’s your fault I went to jail, I am breaking up with you.” I hung up and giggled.
Lost to a Girl
I kind of dated a guy for a few months. We hung out, did outdoorsy stuff, it was pretty cool. We went to hang out at his place for the first time and met his roommate. We all played video games. He knew I was a gamer but I think he thought I was only saying that to seem cooler as a chick or something? I don’t know.
I beat him at every game we played. I wasn’t overly competitive or boastful or anything, just beat him. Next thing I know he’s kind of ghosting me before ghosting was really a thing and then he had a mutual friend of ours tell me that he got kind of scared away because I wasn’t feminine enough.
Not Romantic Enough
“I love you so much and want to spend the rest of my life with you. We have to break up, if it’s really meant to be then we will end up together again like they do in the movies.”
One of my exes dumped me saying that he wanted to “be like Paul” from the Bible. He was, of course, referring to Paul being single and abstinent. But the kicker is that about a month later he had a new girlfriend.
A girl once broke up with me because we were going to different schools next year and, in her words, “We would never find the opportunity to see each other.” Umm, we lived on the same street…like literally 30 seconds away from another.
He and I went to a music festival in college. In case you’ve never been, there are a ton of super-hot girls running around basically naked. Once we got back home, he started moping around and eventually broke up with me. I couldn’t believe my ears. He told me he “realized there are so many hot girls out there and he wanted to try to sleep with someone hotter.”
Just “Practicing” Religion
On the surface, it sounded okay. My girlfriend and I were kind of fizzling out. But when she dumped me, she said it was because I was not religious enough. She wanted to go to church every Sunday and for major religious holidays. I was okay with her going but I was conflicted about religion at the time so I didn’t want to go. So that is what she said when she dumped me. It seemed like a decent reason. What made it ridiculous is that about six months later, she was dating the president of the college atheist group.
In the Details
I said love you, she got mad I forgot the I.
Friends Stick Together Forever
One girlfriend broke up with me because her best friend just broke up with her boyfriend a couple days before. I didn’t know our relationships were tied together like that.
Gender Rolled Away
She broke up with me because I did too much stuff around the house like dishes and cooking. She said, “I want a man who does manly things, not a woman cooks and cleans.” How dare I cook healthy stuff for her kids a few nights a week because otherwise, she’d pump them full of McDonald’s. A few weeks later her car broke down and she called me because she knew I could fix it.
I laughed hysterically at the irony of it. I knew exactly what to say. I told her, “Sorry love, I’m just too busy baking cakes and painting my nails over here.”
Just a Little Bit Further
My girlfriend broke up with me because she couldn’t do the whole long-distance thing. Then she started dating my flatmate who was precisely two meters further distance than I was. Needless to say, he wasn’t my flatmate for long after that.
Tramp Stamped Out
One of my exes dumped me on Christmas because I got a matching tattoo with my sister on my shoulder. He told me that he thought girls with tattoos in that spot are “trashy.” It was my second tattoo. He bought me my first. It was ON MY LOWER BACK. It turns out this was just another manipulative tactic to control me. He dumped me a few other times for asinine reasons before I finally left.
It’s Dairy Important to Me
A girlfriend and I broke up over a disagreement about whether a milkshake was ice cream. It was winter, 2 AM, I’m driving her home. We’re talking, having a good time, things are great. She says she wants some ice cream. Where in the hell am I going to get that in this season at this time of night? I stop in a fast food place and order a milkshake, the closest thing to ice cream I figured they had, and she gives me a dumb look, and says, “that’s not ice cream.”
So, I say, “it’s the closest I can get you right now. You don’t want it?” She just says, “No, I want ice cream. That’s not ice cream.” Over it, I say, “Alright then, no worries, I’ll take you home.” While I start driving her home, she looks at me and says, “I’m not even sure why you tried to get a milkshake. Do you not understand what ice cream is?” “It has ice cream in it. Just a little extra milk, too,” I incredulously explain, but then she insists and says, “No, it’s not ice cream. Why would you do that?”
Trying to be done with the conversation, I just say, “it’s no big deal. Sorry, it didn’t work out. Let’s change the subject.” But then she goes, “Oh my god, you always do this. Any time you’re wrong, you refuse to talk about it!” The conversation escalated, she refused to drop it no matter how much I insisted it wasn’t a big deal, and when I finally got to her dorm, she hopped out of the car, slammed my door, and blocked me on social media. I haven’t spoken to her since.
We had a similar fight about whether “maroon” was “red” earlier in the relationship, but somehow, we managed to recover from that one.
My first girlfriend who I was with for two years broke up with me because I went to see a movie with a group of people and never told her about it. I saw the movie in our first month together.
A Latte Uncertainty
Apparently, I gave her too much anxiety when I bought her a coffee that one morning and she broke up with me the same week.
I starting dating this girl who was 29 with a Master’s degree, and really sweet and cute. So, I’m excited about the potential. On our third date we were driving to a late-night event at a science museum and she asked what I was most excited about seeing and I said I’ve always enjoyed the dinosaur fossils and she said, “…oh,” and got really quiet.
After five seconds of silence, I asked if she didn’t like dinosaurs or something and she said, “It’s not that. It’s more than…. well…I’m not sure how I feel about dinosaurs,” which led me to ask, “Um…by feel…you mean, you…?” And she said “Well, I’m just not sure if they are real.” I looked over quizzically. She continues, “Like, they’re not mentioned in the Bible, so I don’t know if they existed.”
I tried to get through the night and to be fair there were some decent jokes. When we walked, into the natural sciences wing there was a picture of Darwin on the wall and she said, “Hey look, there’s your best friend,” and later we were standing in front of a skeleton of a raccoon and I said, “So just to be clear, your position on raccoons is…yes…no…maybe?”
She was a pretty nice girl and we had fun on the first two dates, so I tried to tough it out, but the dinosaur thing just ate at me for days. A week later I called her from the office and this was our conversation, “Look, we gotta talk. I don’t think this is going to work for me,” which was followed by about 10 seconds of silence before she says, “…it’s the dinosaur thing, isn’t it?”
To which I respond, “Yeah. Yeah……it’s the dinosaur thing.”
One Kitty, Two Kitty, Three Kitty, Four
My ex was allergic to cats. My roommates had cats. She dealt with it for a while until one day she blew up about them and gave me an ultimatum: I get rid of MY ROOMMATES’ CATS or she walks. We now have another cat.
Not the Right Cleave Age
We were 14 and I wore a tank top for the first time in his presence. It turned out I had way more cleavage than he was comfortable with and he dumped me over the phone.
If You Say So
I broke up with my high school girlfriend because every time we argued she kept using, “Well then maybe we should just break up!” Finally, she did it when I said I didn’t like Panic! At the Disco so I just said “Ok” and hung up the phone.
My first girlfriend told me once that I loved my dog more than her. I said that I did and she didn’t talk to me for a week, which at the time felt like an eternity. But that wasn’t even the worst part. We ended up getting back together for another month. She broke up with me because she found these guys at the flea market who were hitting on her, gave them my number, and then they called me to come “fight for her.” I said no.
One Too Meme-y
I had someone break up with me because I showed her too many memes.
My high school girlfriend broke up with me because I made an “ahh” sound after taking a sip of a drink. I didn’t do it on purpose and I guess it was just a sound I made subconsciously because the sip made me so refreshed. One day I took a sip and “ahh’d” and she just snapped and said she couldn’t handle it anymore.
I asked her why she just didn’t tell me she didn’t like it when I did that, and she said she would shrug or give me a dirty look when I did it and I should have picked up on her dissatisfaction. Look lady, I’m enjoying my sip of cola here, I’m not looking around during it.
Lying in Pain
She broke up with me and said, “I don’t feel a spark of anything when we kiss anymore.” At that time, I got hit in the mouth with a bat and couldn’t kiss her for the past month. In my head I was thinking “we ain’t kissed since my mouth got broke” but I took it like a man and went along with it. The next week she started dating a girl that had a big crush on her.
If you didn’t want to be with me just say it or at least come up with a better lie to dump me over.
No Friends Allowed
My girlfriend broke up with me because I was talking about movies and stuff with a friend of mine. She got jealous and told me to stop talking to my friend. An argument ensued and she dumped me.
Not a Family Affair
The guy I was dating broke up with me because he had family problems. I was all like, “I’m so sorry. I’m here if you need me.” Two days later, I find out he lied and asked out one of my best friends and she said yes. About a week later I asked him why he dumped me and he left me on read.
While out shopping, I suggested to my girlfriend to buy a cheaper suitcase for her trip, which was about half the price for a very similar suitcase because it was on sale. She settled on the more expensive one, whatever. From there we went to get a quick lunch, and I forgot to ask for EXTRA ketchup from the drive-thru.
She dwelled on these two things for her week-long trip and then dumped me because “I’m too controlling about her spending and eating habits.” I’d never been a controlling person in our relationship at ALL and therefore was TOTALLY blindsided by this given that everything was going super well before that. I just decided to take that loss and move on.
No Dirty Laundry
I used to buy my underwear wholesale, like, a dozen of the same size and color for a discount. I met this girl and we would get frisky quite regularly. However, after a week or two, she started to notice something, and she assumed I was wearing the same pair of underpants for weeks on end, which she found rather off-putting.
Fortunately for me, she accidentally looked in my hamper one day and later she confessed that she was about to break up with me with some lame excuse or other. I’m happy she didn’t because we’ve been together for almost twelve years now and we have a beautiful daughter. And I’ve added some variety to my underwear.
Out of His League
My boyfriend broke up with me because he became intimidated because I got better at league then he was.
He broke up with me because he couldn’t date someone with the same name as him.
Didn’t See It Coming
I “dated” a blind girl, we had a pretty close relationship, she was very independent but after a while, I could help her with certain things that she found difficult. She always has some issues. She said she wasn’t really ready for a relationship, and then about a week later, she walked me to the train station before I went to an event. As I was saying goodbye, I went for the hug and she kissed me hella passionately. I was like, okay, neat.
We acted as if we were together after that, slept together, met the parents, said I love you, etc., but any time I called her my girlfriend or said that I was her boyfriend, she was like, no you’re not. I spoke to her about it and said that it hurt and I didn’t understand why the label was such a sticking point for her. She said fair enough and all that, and then it switched to being, you’re not my boyfriend yet but you will be. Okay, whatever.
And then she just started phasing me out completely, I would ask her if she was okay and she would leave me on read. It took a long time but I sorted myself out and then about six months later, I’d just started dating my current girlfriend, and me and the ex had a chat over Snapchat. She basically asked why I hadn’t talked to her, and I was just like you wouldn’t let me.
She said I’d hurt her and that she’d been leaving stuff on her Snapchat story that hinted I should message her with things like “Someone should make plans soon” and “Can’t wait for summer, everyone hit me up to make plans.” Apparently, it was implied that was where things went wrong.
In Lame Man Terms
He didn’t like that I used “big words” in conversation because it made him feel “stupid.”
Stooping Down to Say Goodbye
Ex wanted me to drop out of my Master’s program six months before graduation so I could work at Walmart for the rest of my life because it hurt his feelings that I had a higher degree than him. So, him being ridiculous made me dump him.
I got a new haircut when I used to always have my hair long and I had cut it quite short this time. This girl I was seeing told me she didn’t like it and that she didn’t find me attractive anymore. As a desperate teenager, I tried to tell her it was just a haircut and that it would grow back in no time. But she was having none of it she dumped me right there.
We met on an online dating site, started talking casually, and ended up exchanging phone numbers. At some point during this first week of communicating, I uploaded a picture to the site that a friend had taken of me. About a week or so later, we started dating. I never logged into the site again, which you can see, as last online times are displayed on profiles.
We dated for about three months, then one day she starts texting me and becomes accusatory because I had changed my picture and not deleted my account. When I pointed out the last login thing and that the picture was from before we started dating it seemed to go in one ear and out the other. She was “uncomfortable with my responses” and decided we should stop seeing each other. I didn’t really argue with that.
Oh No You Don’t
My boyfriend broke up with me because he loved me too much and knew I would be leaving the area in five months. He wanted to break it off right then so he wouldn’t get hurt later. I was so pissed. I showed up at his apartment and made him take me back.
That was 21 years ago. We are still together.
Defeating the Enemy
We were dating for about three or four months and I came over while he was on acid. A couple of days later, he told me that while he was tripping he realized that I was the antagonist in his life and that we’re breaking up.
He needed to concentrate on his career. We worked in the same place. As security guards.
High School Fallout
I broke up with a girlfriend in high school because it was school holidays and she kept texting me to hang out but I was never replied because I had just bought Fallout New Vegas and it basically took over my entire life. She was getting upset that I wasn’t texting her, all I wanted to do was play Fallout, and figured it would be easier to just dump her so I could get back to my PC rather than try patch things up.
In hindsight, it was extremely stupid because she was super cute and really smart and a really good girlfriend in general. I ended up apologizing years later at a party we were both at and things were cool. I never actually told her that I dumped her because I didn’t care to explain to her that I just wanted to play my new computer game rather than hang out with her.
Got a Light?
I got dumped because the headlights on my car didn’t come on automatically when I started my car. I’m assuming he had other reasons, but this is what I was told. And I love laughing at it!
Talk, Talk, Talk and No Action
We broke up because I asked her if, for once, I could talk about my day. Nope. Not an option. Looking back, thank goodness that happened, but the fallout is still immense.
My ex-husband woke up while I was getting ready for work and asked me if I “wanted to put it in my mouth.” I said, “No, I have to go to work.” He spent all day texting me about how I didn’t love him because of this and told me he was leaving. I told him if he left, he wasn’t coming back. The divorce was finalized three months later.
Can’t Keep Up
I went go-kart racing with my girlfriend. During the race I ran her off the road. She broke up with me a week later. She gave a couple reasons that seemed like copouts. To this day I’m convinced it was the go-kart race.
I went out with a girl in school. It was all puppy love type stuff in year 7. About four months into going out, I kissed her, and then she broke up with me via text. It was terrible. I was given the excuse that she thought “The relationship was moving too fast.” Alright fair enough ok then, move on. But it didn’t end there.
Then about 2 years later, we start going out again. Yay me. But whenever we hang out one of her friends is with us and is way WAY too into the idea of “us” so I couldn’t flirt or compliment or kiss without this little drama queen being all “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” She eventually breaks up with me via text again and what’s the reason? “The relationship is moving to slow.”
High Tails of a Feather Outta Here
My mum was a punk living in London in the 70s and she kept doing these really absurd but creative hairstyles. Then one day, her boyfriend at the time broke up with her saying “I just don’t know what you’re going to look like when I next see you.” How boring.
Can’t Have It Your Way
I, a 14-year-old, wouldn’t take her, also 14-year-old, virginity in a Burger King bathroom. Welcome to Ireland.
Why Does It Alma Mater?
We broke up because we went to rival colleges and I had graduated from the “bad” one. Yep.
Listen to This
We were together for over six years. One of the reasons besides falling in love with someone else he told me was that he didn’t like my taste in music. He hardly ever heard it because I almost always wear headphones.
Panic of Uncertainty
I wasn’t dumped, but shut down when I asked this girl out and she sort of freaked, “Like…on a date? A date-date?! Oh no…I want to say yes, but I can’t. Every time I’ve dated a guy that I liked we ended up hating each other. But I want to, but I can’t. So….I know! You’re my gay friend! I can’t date you because you’re gay! Awesome! I have a gay friend now! Oh crap, I’m late for class! Bye!”
I was like, “What…..what just happened?” The other people of our social group were similarly confused.
I finally grew a spine and started thinking with the big brain upstairs. We got into an argument over trying to initiate sexy time, I was trying to do everything she told me to, got blown off and showed my frustration. I said, “what do you want me to do? I’m trying to do everything we talked about and you keep pushing me away even more now.”
She said, “You are an almost 25-year-old man, you should just know what I want and how I want and when I want it!” So, I replied, “Let me get this straight, you want me to just know exactly what you want and exactly when and how to go about it?” Her reply was, “yes.” I said, “Babe that’s called reading your mind, and no one in the world can read minds.”
I came home from work, at midnight mind you, and was told pack your stuff and move out because I’m impossible to deal with.
Knock Off Wood
I actually had a guy dump me because I’m a carpenter, which according to him, “is just not ladylike.”
My boyfriend broke with me because he was going through so much growth and so many changes like quitting his job and moving back in with his parents, while I wasn’t changing at all. His examples of my stagnancy were that I had the same job and the same cat after a year and a half.
A guy said he didn’t want to see me anymore because he didn’t like that I had played with a Ouija board when I was a kid.
All Bets Are Off
A guy broke with me because he was only dating me on a bet for $10. I was upset and cried to my friend. She told her twin brother. The kid didn’t come to school the next day. I thought it was weird, but then I realized what had happened. When he came back, he’d fallen and broken his pitching arm. There was an apology note in my locker a few days later.
No Hand Holding!
We broke after I didn’t hold her hand in the car at night during a storm on the way to dinner. I had also never been to the area and was unfamiliar with it. On that night, she did me a favor by breaking it off. What a nut. I was going to end it the next day because of that being an issue, but she beat me to it. Obviously, we had some other issues, but that ultimately was the argument that ended things.
No Pointer About It
I’m missing my left index finger and I was holding her hand while walking through the halls between classes in high school. She abruptly let go of my hand and said that it was just too weird, and the relationship wasn’t going to work out. We’d been dating for like four hours at that point.
Walking Away from It All
A girl once asked me if I wanted to go out to eat. She did so in person. She saw that I was wearing my nursing scrubs from school. I told her a had a gift card from Chili’s that we could use. She drove us there. When we got there, she started going ballistic on me about what I chose to wear for the date. She said I could have drove home and changed first.
She then said it was really cheap to use a gift card on a date. She walked out of the restaurant and so did I. She got in her car and left me. As I walked down the road, she drove up beside me and yelled: “Get in this car!” I refused, I walked for two hours back to my truck. I never talked to her again. She lived in my neighborhood.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I ate my pizza with a knife and fork. She told me that it made me seem too upscale.
We’re Not There Yet
After a year of being friends and three months of committed, yet casual dating, I kissed her on the cheek for the first time. She broke up with me the next day because I was “moving too fast.”
In Your Absence
My girlfriend met another guy and married him while I was visiting family in California…for six days.
My cousin and his fiancée who had been dating for two years, engaged for one, called off the wedding two days before it happened because they realized they’d never discussed whether she was going to keep her maiden name. Then they tried to talk about it, they disagreed, and the fight spiraled into a fight about every disagreement they’d ever had about anything.
They stayed up all night to argue and, somewhere around 3 AM, came to their senses and decided not to get married.
An Abs-solute Debacle
A girl I was dating randomly showed me a notebook that had the picture of a hot shirtless guy playing basketball on the front and his abs could be seen. She goes, “Do you have abs like these?” I pull up my shirt and show her and she says, “I can’t date someone without abs like these,” and we break up.
I dated a girl from the town next over for a bit in high school. She told me that some guys from her school saw me driving my truck with the window down and my arm hanging out “trying to look all cool” and they were making fun of me. She was friends with those guys and figured that was a good enough reason to not want to be seen with me anymore.
We Want Different Things
I was in a two-year relationship with this guy and he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship and wanted a girl who’s into basketball and would smoke weed with him.
Two Broken Hearts
She asked me to go with her to one of her personal therapy sessions. When we got there, she told me she wanted to break up with me, not because l was changing jobs like every six months but because of how bad she felt about being upset about it. After talking to her in front of her therapist about how much l care for her, her therapist said she thinks l am good for her and that we should stay together.
She dumped me and her therapist that day.
Not Ear-ly Interested
In middle school, this girl I had crushed hard over ended up becoming my girlfriend. Two weeks later I was dumped because my ears were too big. They hadn’t changed it all. It was more her best friend didn’t like me. A year later I had a class with the friend who later admitted she was wrong about me and ended up being interested in me. I can’t say I was interested.
Totally Dumped Trucked
I was in law school in North Carolina and my boyfriend lived in Florida where I too was born and raised. He worked as a concrete foreman near Gainesville. The plan was for him to move to North Carolina so we could be together while I was in school. After graduation, we would move back to our home state of Florida.
Two weeks before he was to move, I got the call saying he wasn’t moving to North Carolina. His reason was that his boss bought a new diesel truck that was his to use both on and off the job. I didn’t know how to react. I had been dumped for a truck. Should I scratch her headlights out? In the end, I was just thankful that it was a Ford he dumped me for.
I got dumped because I made a girl smile too much. She had braces and it cut up the inside of her mouth.
Different People Now
My college girlfriend’s dad won $1 million in the state lottery over winter break. She broke up with me over the phone telling me, “Now that I’m rich, I can’t afford to date regular people like you. That’s really the only thing wrong, you’re just regular.”