Customer service has always been a difficult job, especially when it comes to dumb customers, clueless Karens, and unreasonable requests. Dive into these real-life accounts—and feel free to roll your eyes to your heart's content.
1. Can You Repeat The Question?
I was working in the back of an ambulance on a patient who seriously needed nitroglycerin to lower their blood pressure. I told him: "Before I give this medication to you, I need to triple-check that you have not taken any ED meds in the last 72 hours like Viagra or Cialis. If you have and I give you this nitroglycerin, your blood pressure could drop dangerously low".
I then asked him, “Have you taken any of these meds?” The tone in his reply made me suspicious. “Oh no, never”. I asked him again to confirm, to which he replied, “Oh yes, of course, I am”. I ran through the list of potentially harmful side effects again. Again, he said, “No, never”. I was annoyed, but I carried on with it, “OK, hold this pill under your tongue”. Then he asked, “Does generic Viagra count?”
2. "Error" Message
When sending confidential documentation, we would encrypt it and put a password on it. It's common practice to send the document and the password in two separate e-mails. I got a message from this guy saying he couldn't open the document I sent him. I asked him if he had used the password. He told me, "Yes. It said there was an error".
So I started digging deeper and asked, "What password did you use?" He told me, "I just hit OK and it said that I had the wrong password". At that moment, I knew something was fishy. "Wait..so did you type anything in?" He replied that he didn’t. So, I asked if he could use the password that we provided him with. He said, "I didn't think it would work, so I deleted the e-mail".
3. A Splash Of Stupidity
I used to sell paint. A woman came in saying she wanted to paint her fence. I gave her advice and explained to her how to prepare the surface. Then, she asked, "Do I need anything to apply the paint?" I told her she needed a roller or a brush. Her response left me in disbelief. "Oh, I can’t just splash the paint on the fence?" She was completely serious.
4.< A Bug’s Life
I had an entomology internship at a butterfly house. Contrary to the name, we had a plethora of other wonderful arthropods that we raised in the lab, and some of them even went on display. The entomology interns were tasked to show off some of the bugs that we raised but are not on display. This was also a way to try to quell the general fears of the public about bugs.
One time, the intern who I was working with had brought out a giant stag beetle. This mother came over to us with her child. They were admiring the bugs we had. The mother then asked us a rather surprising question. While pointing at the stag beetle, she asked, “What kind of butterfly is that?” My partner and I looked at each other, trying not to laugh.
My partner did her best to explain that the beetle was not a butterfly and explained the differences to her and her child.
5. And That's "Fax"
I used to work at a call center for a large bank. A customer phoned in while he was in one of the branches and said the queue was too long, so he wanted me to help him. I asked what his query was and his response caught me off-guard. He said the ATM was broken and he had to withdraw cash. I asked him how I could possibly help him withdraw some money from the bank over the phone, and he said, "Why can't you just fax it to me?"
6. He Was Missing More Than Just His Toppings
I worked at a Subway. We were out of lettuce, which was a problem for this one guy whose entire enjoyment of his sandwich revolved around lettuce. I told him we didn't have any, so he asked if I could go in the back and cut more up. I told him we don't cut it up and that it comes already shredded and packaged and reiterated that we had no lettuce anywhere in the store.
That's when his face turned red. He gave me an annoyed blank look and asked, "How can you open your store if you don't have all your product?" He couldn’t understand that we ran out of items because people like him came to eat the food and that we weren’t about to close the store over a missing topping.
7. Lacking Brilliance
I used to work at a fine jewelry kiosk in a mall. Our jewelry included gold bracelets and necklaces bonded to sterling silver, sterling silver rings with cubic zirconia gems, gold engagement rings with diamond chips clustered together rather than one large diamond, etc. I had a lot of regulars, and this one particular woman would come in often.
Every time for every item that she was interested in, she would ask the same blood-boiling question: “Is this real?” I explained what “bonded” meant and how we didn’t sell diamond rings for $25, but that the rings were indeed certified sterling silver with synthetic gems. I gave her information like this repeatedly, day after day, and she would follow up every explanation with, “Okay, but...is it real?”
8. Counting Chickens
I used to work at a grocery store deli. We had one customer who left me totally speechless. She asked me: “The eight-piece chicken...how many pieces are in it?" I said, "How many pieces are in the eight-piece chicken? Um. There are eight pieces in the eight-piece chicken". She was very polite and replied, "OK, I'll have that, please!" So, I packaged it up, and she went away happy.
9. Recreational Catnip
I worked at an independent pet store. We mainly sold dog supplies, but there was a small section of cat toys, catnip, etc. A newer, pretty gimmicky item we brought in was a line of catnip that was packaged to look like an illicit plant. It had “prescription” bottles and pre-rolls”. People usually knew these were catnip products.
However, on many occasions, I had many people ask the same hilarious question: "How does the cat take tokes on it?" Or, even better yet, "How can they even hold the lighter? They've got paws?" I never do quite know how to reply besides muddled laughter.
10. The Combo Guy
I worked at Wendy's through high school and part of college. One day, a man in his 50s, wearing a bright magenta suit, walked in and ordered a burger. I asked him, "Do you want a combo or just the sandwich?" He asked me, "What is a combo?" I explained to him that it was a sandwich with fries and a drink, but somehow he didn't understand. He looked at me blankly, I started to get annoyed.
He said, "I want fries and a drink, but what is the combo?" We went back and forth on this for almost FIVE MINUTES. I don't even remember if he ever figured out what a combo was or if he ended up getting it. However, I remember seeing him two weeks later in a different city at my other job training political canvassers. He was wearing the same magenta suit.
I was in such shock that I just stared at him, saying nothing, thinking, "It's the combo guy".
11. A Total Guessing Game
I worked at a gas station that sold more than just gas. This man came up to the register and said, "Twenty outside". I asked, "Which pump," to which he responded the one on the right. There was a left and right on each pump, so I asked which car, and he pointed to a truck. The next question he asked was, "Can I have a slice of pizza?"
I responded, "Sure, what kind?" His response left me dazed and confused. "Pizza," he said. We had at least three kinds of pizza, sometimes four. I had no clue about his likes and dislikes, so I said, "Which kind? I wouldn't wanna give you something you don't like”. He told me, "Whatever is fine," so I gave him a random piece. Of course, he asked, "Can I have a different kind?" At that point, I almost lost it.
12. Turn Up The Volume!
One of my roles was as an IT rep for the department I worked in. Someone approached me saying their computer speakers were broken. My first question was, “Are you sure you tried turning the volume up?” They rolled their eyes at my ludicrous question and replied, "Yes, of course". So, I walked across the office to where their computer was with them by my side. When I got there, I was livid.
I took one look and turned the volume up. That was the day I gave up.
13. Just A Wii Bit Dense
I used to be a manager at GameStop while in college. A guy called and told me the preowned Wii U he bought for his son stopped working. His son dropped it. I told him that we could give him another one, but since he didn’t buy the insurance, I could only replace it if the thing “just stopped working”. So, I said to him, “Well, maybe it stopped working before your son dropped it, and you can come in, and I’ll give you another one”.
I was trying to get this guy a free Wii U cause stuff happens, and I didn’t care. I would end up regretting being so kind. The guy proceeded to argue with me that it stopped working because of his son, saying, “No, I saw my son drop it, and then it stopped working. I’m positive”. Again, I said, “Oh, alright, well, maybe it wasn’t because of the drop. It probably just stopped working. I can’t exchange it if it broke because he dropped it, so I’m sure it was just defective. Bring it in, and I’ll swap it out”.
Again the guy insisted, “Nah, it definitely stopped working because he dropped it”. The dude came in an hour later and bought another one full price. The District Manager was in the store with me at the time, so I couldn’t say it outright, but I was shocked that this dude didn’t get what I was trying to do for him. I basically spelled it out.
14. Going In Circles
A full-grown woman asked me how big our pizzas were. I stuck out my fingers, eyeballed about a foot, and said, “Around this big”. She paused for a moment and finally said, “Oh, length-wise?” I thought perhaps she didn’t know that our pizzas were round, so I told her that our pizzas were circular; therefore, any point across was length-wise.
I went back to tell the other co-worker what I had just experienced. Right after I told her the punchline, “..any point across is length-wise,” she stared at me with this confused look on her face. Her response had me baffled. She smiled and finally said, “Okay, not all of us are Mr. Engineer over here!” I just walked away. I didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t think I was a genius for knowing about the geometry of a circle.
15. Checkout Time
I worked at a coffee shop where we sold two sizes, small and large. I was working the register, ringing up a girl. I asked her what kind of coffee she got, which was fine. However, when I asked her if she got small or large, she responded with a suspicious tone. “Why do you need to know?” I had to explain to her that one was a larger quantity than the other, and you had to pay for that extra amount.
She scoffed and grudgingly told me, “Do you think I’m tricking you?”
16. Houston, We Have A Problem
While showing Apollo 13 to my astronomy class, I had a student ask me the dumbest question I have ever heard as a teacher. During the “Houston, we have a problem” scene, this one student raised their hand in the back of the room. His friend next to him told him to put his hand down, saying that it was “a stupid question”.
I went back and asked them what his question was, and his response was absolutely golden. He said, “Are all of the guys there named Houston?” I have taught for nearly ten years, and that one is still the winner.
17. Hitting Below The Belt
I used to teach karate, and one day, a lady came in looking to do a birthday party at her own home. She wanted to buy some black belts from us for her kid and their friends. I would have no problem selling her belts for home use, except we didn’t stock any of that stuff except for when we needed them for tests and promotions.
I kindly declined and explained to her she could go and find them on a specific website online if she wanted them. I also explained that most schools won’t sell them because of the hard work and dedication students put into obtaining them. I thought she would leave after that, but she just wouldn't quit. She pointed at my belt, which was grimy and worn out, and said, “Well, what about yours? Can I just buy that one?”
As if I was going to give her the thing I had been using every day for ten years.
18. Testing My Patience
I used to work at a restaurant that was quite popular with the organic/healthy lifestyle crowd. This particular lady asked me if we tested our water for ionizing radiation, making it clear that if we didn't, she would leave. Out of sinister curiosity, I told her, "Of course, we do. In fact, I'll test it right in front of you; just let me get my Geiger counter from the back".
My plan was brilliant—I downloaded a mock Geiger counter app and tested one glass of tap water in front of her. She completely bought it and proceeded to order a fruit salad and a water bottle. I told the manager, and we had a good laugh. I still can't believe I got away with it.
19. She Wasn’t Plugged Into Reality
I worked for Apple for five years at the Genius Bar. One day, a woman came in with a brand new Apple TV and said, "It's not working". She handed me the Apple TV, and I placed it on the bar. Before asking basic troubleshooting questions, I simply wanted to know if she had brought her HDMI and power cords with her; otherwise, I would have to get ours to plug it in.
I asked, "Did you bring your cables?" Her response had me dying of laughter inside. "What are you talking about? It's wireless". She thought the TV literally had no wires and thus didn't plug in the power cable or HDMI.
20. In Need Of An Upgrade
I used to work for an authorized Apple retailer. One day, this old woman, probably in her late 70s or 80s, came in to ask why her phone was acting up. It was a 4 GB iPhone 4 that had no storage left. She did not understand her smartphone and the upgrades that would be required. I did my best to explain that she would need to upgrade to a device with more storage so it would work the way she wanted.
I told her she could keep all of the pictures of her family; all she would have to do was transfer them through the iCloud system over the internet. That’s when she asked the golden question: “What’s the internet?” At that moment, she had tears running down her face as she genuinely did not understand a thing I had explained.
I had to take my lunch break, so I handed her off to my store manager to take over. When I clocked back in, she was still in the store. This time, at the checkout counter, with her brand new phone that my manager had sold her to meet a monthly sales quota. I’m sure he never told her what the internet was.
21. Sitting This One Out
I worked at an outdoor ski shop. In the summer, it was obviously slower, so they pushed tents, chairs, and general camping and hiking gear. We usually had some chairs on display outside the store as well as extra chairs inside for people to grab. One customer saw a chair, saw the same one inside, then came up to us and asked, "Do you have any of these in stock?"
It took us a few seconds to answer because we weren't sure if we heard right, and that was apparently too long for her. Her next move made our jaws drop. She stormed out of the shop, saying, "You people are OBVIOUSLY not good at your job. You should find something else to do with your lives!!" She even emailed and complained to head office, who asked us what happened.
We sent in the security footage, and they banned her from the store. She was someone who came in often but didn't spend much. One colleague went up to her once, smiled, and asked if she needed any help. She snapped, saying, "Yes, you can help me by leaving me alone," and stormed out of the store, leaving my colleague dumbstruck.
22. A Losing Game
I worked part-time at a video game store. One day, a soccer mom came in with her demon spawn and gave me grief for not having “that Sonic game” available. When I asked her which game she was talking about, as I wasn’t quite sure, she replied, “The one where you go fast! My child wants it, and you will not disappoint him”.
I told her if she was talking about Sonic Forces, it was available for pre-order, but it hadn’t been released yet. I said, “If that's the game you're talking about, you can pre-order it now and receive it at release”. But she wouldn't have ANY of it. She said, “My son wants it now. Look, I'll slip you a tenner if you get it for me; nobody has to know”.
She just didn’t get it. I told her again, “I'm sorry, ma'am, but we don't have any copies of the game. Even if we did, I would not be allowed to break the street date for the game. Once again, if your child wants the game, you can pre-order it now, and you'll receive it on the day the game is scheduled for release". She then asked to speak to my manager and kept trying to get him to break street date for a game we didn't even have copies of.
23. Cable Confusion
I have had DOZENS of clients over my 10 years of web development call my company because their internet was down. First, they would tell me that their website doesn't work. So I'd ask them to go to a different website, and they would say to me something along the lines of, “Oh, actually, no websites are loading, and our email is down too".
I'd tell them that it sounds like their internet is down. Their usual response is infuriating: "Can't you fix that for me?" or "Yes, that is why I called you guys". I then have to explain to them that they pay a company such as Time Warner or AT&T to get their internet and that we neither supply internet nor did we do the installation at their company for any internet services.
24. Lacking Book Smarts
I used to work in a school library. We would open it for students during lunch, then close the doors and put out a large closed sign when it got full. The sign was on a wheeled easel that the students could read from both ways down the hallway and they had to walk around as it took up half the space. But here's the frustrating part—students would often walk past the sign that said “LIBRARY CLOSED” through double closed doors and then try to walk in.
My favorite response was, "Did you read the sign?" They would often say, "No," to which I would reply, "Oh, well, if you can't read, you shouldn't be in a library. Goodbye!"
25. Rolling In Laughter
I worked at a Japanese restaurant for a while when I was in college, and we had this thing called a Volcano roll. It cost $7.25. A California roll there cost $3.75. The Volcano roll was a California roll cut into the shape of a triangle and topped with spicy mayo that had been heated up with about $0.10 worth of fish; literally just a few bits.
You were much better off ordering a California roll and paying $0.50 extra for spicy mayo on the side and asking us to heat it up. I had one guy come in and order a couple of regular rolls along with a Volcano roll. When served in the restaurant, we would put the sauce on top unless they asked us, so it looked like a Volcano roll.
When I brought that roll to him, he looked at the plate with utter confusion. "Oh, I didn't know you guys put the sauce on, I've only gotten it for pick up, and the sauce is always on the side. I don't really like it. Could you bring me one without it?" I tried not to laugh and said sure. I went back, and the sushi chef asked what was wrong. I told him that he didn't like the sauce and wanted one without it.
He laughed and said alright, so he took a California roll, cut it up, and put it on the plate. I brought it back to the guy, and he was super pumped. The guy paid $7.25 for a roll that would have cost him $3.75, and the sushi chef and I got to split a free volcano roll. Usually, I would have just told him about it, but the dude was being pretty arrogant the entire time trying to impress the girl he was with.
26. Cut It Out
A woman was trying to buy fabric to cover tables but didn’t have measurements of the tables. After I explained a lack of size standards since tables come in all sorts of sizes and shapes, she immediately said the first table was standard size. We were off to a great start. We finally figured out how much she needed for the first one and cut it for her. Then we moved on to the second one—and things went downhill.
I rolled some fabric off the bolt and went to straighten it out, only for her to grab the material and start moving it. She opened it and asked the width, which I read off the bolt, and she paused. She thought for a moment and said, “That’s just not big enough. If I cut it, will that make it bigger?” It took all my willpower to tell her, “Unfortunately, no, making it smaller will not make it bigger,” with a professional tone.
27. Frozen Fool
I worked in the seafood department for a large supermarket chain. One day, a woman came and asked to buy some frozen shrimp from the pre-packaged bag. However, she didn't want the entire bag, just half of it. I was ready to open the bag when she made an outrageous request—she said that she wanted me to remove the weight and cost of the ice crystals on the shrimp.
I just looked at her and asked if she wanted me to wash it off, to which she said no because she wanted it to stay frozen. The ice probably weighed less than the plastic bag we used. Needless to say, she turned away when I said I wasn’t able to do that for her. I still think that was the most ridiculous interaction I have ever had with a customer.
28. Here Comes The Sun
I had a potential client ask me to completely block out the sun. It was for an experiential pop-up that coincided with the big eclipse we were going to have. He had sold the idea that it could be done to his client. He was surprised to hear our response...which was that we would have to launch something the size of the moon into orbit to actually achieve what he was asking for.
29. When A Karen Calls
In college, I worked for one of those overpriced playground equipment companies. The kind that sells 100% California redwood, strong enough to hold an entire football team, has probably 10 or 20 different base models, and is totally modular. You can buy accessories and upgrade them as your kids get older. It wasn’t a great job, but I learned a lot about people.
This one woman was the absolute worst helicopter mom I had ever encountered in my life. As her kids were walking around the showroom, she would gasp as if ghosts were popping out of the walls if they got within two feet of the playsets—if they paused, GASP! If they stumbled, GASP! I'm not even sure how we managed to sell her a $5K–$8K playset.
Her behavior got even worse after it got delivered. She called us and raised a stink, demanding to know how the kids were supposed to go down the slides. The structural arm rail was there, so I was confused. She SWORE, gasping every two seconds, that they had to lay down and cross their arms like a water slide. I made my boss deal with that one. At 19 years old, I didn't know how to tell someone how to use a slide.
30. Open And Shut
I used to work in the returns department of a large computer shop. I once got a laptop return from a seriously irate customer complaining that the CD drawer was not opening. The customer was swearing at me up and down on the phone. His words were intentionally sharp and laced: “Get it sorted. It’s unacceptable for a brand new laptop, etc".
When I got around to having a look at it, I noticed that the CD drawer wouldn't open because–GET THIS—it didn't have a drawer. It was a slot drive. The customer could have taken a second to look and realize this instead of going through the three-week return process. I took great pleasure in writing a Return To Sender report stating just that very bluntly.
31. Zip It
I worked at a retail store. A lady was trying on a boot, and I watched her keep shoving her foot in the side of the boot where there was a small zipper. Her reaction was priceless—she kept yelling that the boot didn't fit her calf and that it fit funny. I walked over and told her her foot goes through the top of the boot, and the zipper was there to give her room as she pulled the boot up.
I don't remember what she said, but she was genuinely confused. I just set the boot down and walked away slowly.
32. Disney Dunce
I used to work at Disneyland in the outdoor vending department. I sold balloons, ice cream, etc. I would get a lot of dumb questions, but one took the cake. I was working on Main Street at a cart in between Adventureland and Frontierland. A woman came up with her family, and she asked me the most baffling question ever: “Are we in the castle?” I was a little confused because the castle was in plain view on our left.
I just said, “No, it’s right there,” and I pointed. She asked me one more time. She thought when you entered Disneyland, you were automatically inside a castle. Even her younger daughter said, “See, I told you we weren’t in the castle yet". It completely blew my mind.
33. Half-Witted
My job had 50% off sales fairly regularly. I had one particular customer who stood out. This woman was middle-aged, dressed very well, and looked like she either had done very well for herself or married into money. For the better part of an hour, she proceeded to ask how much 50% off would come for each and every item she looked at.
“What is half of $20? What would half of $50 be? How much is $24.50 after the sale? Could you check to see what half of $60 is? How much is this?” The worst part? She did this for every item she touched. I was getting a little frustrated and began giving her short answers. After checking out, her total was about $180. She asked how much she had saved. I calmly told her, "About as much as you paid".
34. That’s A Rap!
I used to work in a recording studio as an engineer. One day, I got a call from an aspiring local rapper who wanted to work on vocals for a few tracks. I was happy to take on the project as it would be a day of relatively easy and fun work. He would cut the beats elsewhere, and I asked him to bring the files along. The guy showed up at the studio where I had the vocal room set up—and I was in for quite a surprise.
I said, "OK! This is going to be great. Let me have a listen to your beats so we can record you over them". He looked at me, puzzled, and said, “They're on his YouTube page". He didn’t understand that we couldn’t record vocals in the studio directly onto YouTube.
35. Total Eclipse
I used to volunteer at the science museum in the town I grew up in. We had somewhat of a big event to celebrate the solar eclipse and had a viewing event for the city. A small group of people led by a woman in her late 30s came up and she made a ridiculous request—she asked that we push back the main event a few hours for their families to get off work. They wanted us to reschedule the eclipse.
36. Granny’s Garden Romp
A woman in her late sixties or seventies, sitting on a scooter, rolled up to the closed door on the corner of the garden center. She sat there for about two minutes, staring at the door. About a dozen customers were passing her by as they made their way to the actual entrance. Eventually, she looked at me, a bit miffed, and asked when the garden center was going to open.
Here's the hilarious part—there were about two hundred carts full of plants arranged in a corral that highlighted the pathway to the entrance, and people were briskly walking by with carts full of plants in and out of the open doors. I told her it was open, and the door was twenty feet to her left. She then sat there for another two minutes negotiating how she would maneuver her scooter into the store.
No one else had been confused as to where the entrance was.
37. History Buff-oon
I had a friend in high school who was holding an American History textbook for the class. However, she saw another student had a US History textbook. She proceeded to ask if she was in the wrong class due to America and the USA not being the same country nor sharing a history. And that's not all—she also didn’t believe that dinosaurs being destroyed by a meteorite was a thing. She thought humans made them extinct.
She only found out that she was wrong while babysitting and watching a kid’s movie about dinosaurs.
38. They Didn’t Make The Cut
I was a hairstylist. Multiple people would come in on Saturday afternoon, when all of our stylists had clients, and ask if we had time for a walk-in. Most people understand that Saturday is the busiest day of the week for us and would go on their way. But I’ve had people refuse to believe it. One client walked in and couldn’t understand why we couldn't accommodate her. “You're all just standing around," she quipped at us.
Even after I showed her our appointment book that was back to back for 10 hours, she still didn’t believe me. Surprisingly, she wasn't even the worst one we dealt with. There was a time the East Coast had a snowstorm that shut down the area. We were put on strict orders not to leave our homes. We came in the next day to find 30 missed calls wondering if people could get their hair done.
39. Growing Pains
I was a vet tech. We had a client who ran over their dog. The owner did not have money for true corrective surgery with a surgeon, so we recommended that we amputate the dog’s leg. It was a younger dog, in good weight, so amputation was an acceptable option as dogs generally do very well with three legs. The owner consented to surgery, then she asked the stupidest question ever—she asked us how long it would take for the leg to grow back.
40. The Old Switcheroo
I worked at a gas station, doing the night shift. A guy pulled up for gas at around two or three in the morning. He came up to the counter quite aggressively and asked, "You got day gas here?" I was taken aback by his question, so I asked, "Umm...what?" He said, "Day gas. I know you guys switch it out at night, but I don't want your cruddy night gas. Give me the day gas".
I didn't really know what to say, so I just muttered something about switching the pipes and promising him it was the “day gas”.
41. Paper Vs. Plastic
I worked for a bank. A woman wanted to cash a check, but the only ID she had on her was a photocopy of her license. This presented a rather big problem—I explained to her that a copy of her ID was not considered a valid ID, and I couldn't assist her. She insisted that her ID was valid. I tried to elaborate further and said, "We don't accept paper IDs, only the original plastic ID issued by the DMV".
She didn’t get it and replied, "I don't have a paper ID. It's my license!" I said, "Ma'am, is the ID you're holding a piece of paper?" She replied, "Yes," so, I told her, "Then you have a paper ID, and we can't accept paper IDs”. She insisted, "It's not a paper ID. It's my license!" We kept arguing in this loop for the next ten minutes.
42. It Was A Sign For Change
One of the stupidest questions I've ever heard came from a former co-worker. About 14 years ago, the company I worked at had a corporate-wide meeting for about 100 people. It was led by the owner and president of the company. The meeting topic was that we were moving our corporate office from the property it had resided on since the company started 60+ years prior to a new building a few suburbs over.
Included in the presentation was a picture of the new building, with the other company's signage still on the building. At the end of the presentation, the owner opened it up for questions. A woman raised her hand, stood up in front of every corporate employee, and she exposed her stupidity with a single question: "Are we going to change the sign on the building?"
Nearly everyone turned to look at who would ask such a question. We all saw who it was and collectively thought, "Oh yeah, of course, it was her". The owner stared at her for at least five seconds, as dumbfounded as the rest of us, before finally just replying, "Yes, we will change the sign to read the name of our company".
43. It Didn't Add Up
When I was bartending, our function room got booked for a 21st birthday party. A bunch of guys came to the bar and asked for a Turbo Shandy, which is half ale, half Smirnoff Ice. When I asked why anyone would ever want to drink that garbage, the genius said, "Well, the beer is 5% and the Smirnoff is 5%, so it's like a regular Shandy, but it's 10%!"
I tried to explain the concept that if you mix one drink that's 5% with another drink that's 5%, you end up with a drink that's still 5%. Their response made me roll my eyes, HARD. The idiots literally laughed at me and told me I needed to learn to add. So, I just served them their Turbo Shandies—I figured that was punishment enough.
44. Never Ending Nonsense
I did phone support for an appliance company. It was nonstop nonsense. We used to sell a kettle that had a temperature gauge so you could make fancy teas at the right temperature. The week it was released, we got a deluge of calls demanding to know why the temperature didn’t start at zero centigrade. We had a lady who TIMED how long her kettle took and complained that it took longer in the winter.
I had to explain that’s because the water was colder. I also had to continually explain that limescale is in the tap water all the time; therefore, it doesn’t cause any harm just because you can see it in the kettle. I had another lady try and get compensation because she was cleaning her hand whisk with the power on, and the blades started moving.
45. Milk Madness
My friend used to work at Meijer, and one time, she had a woman ask the most peculiar question ever—she asked where the breast milk was. Confused, she led the customer to the milk, thinking she meant cow's milk as opposed to soy milk. Then, the woman said she was looking for human milk. My friend calmly explained that Meijer doesn’t sell that type of milk. The woman became furious and insisted on speaking to the manager.
The manager came over, and the woman went on an unhinged rant about how my friend was trying to keep her from getting human milk. The manager stood there trying to take in the whole situation. After about five minutes, he stopped the woman mid-sentence and said, “I’m sorry, are you serious?” The woman gave the typical “I’m never coming back here again” speech. The best part was that she never once mentioned having a baby or trying to feed her baby.
46. Film Frustrations
I was producing a commercial that required a green screen and an actress in a green morph suit so she could control a puppet. Our client got really upset and kept looking at us like we were idiots, but didn’t say anything. We started rolling cameras, and the client in charge actually yelled for us to stop. She asked what the green morph suit was all about.
We explained that we would take her out in post-production, but she asked us, “Why don’t you take her out now?!?” I confirmed that she wanted the puppet to move. Her response threw us for a loop. “Yeah, but it’s gonna look stupid with a green person there moving it!” I explained that the actress wouldn’t be there once we fixed it in post-production. The client got even angrier and berated us, saying, “Just take her out right now!”
I tried to explain the concept of the green screen to her one more time, but she wasn’t having any of it. We brought the actress and puppeteer out of the frame, and the client said, “There, was that so hard?” We rolled again. The client looked confused and enraged once more and asked, “Why isn’t the puppet moving?!” I told her, “Well, you made us take out the puppeteer,” She responded, “Well can’t you do some movie magic to make it move?”
47. Out Of Control
I worked in a cell phone store. I spent 90% of my day explaining that just because Facebook is on your phone, doesn't mean we control Facebook, your email, or any other problematic app. Once, had an "ask for a manager type" come in and insist that we used our computer to reset her iPhone and Apple ID. She'd gotten herself locked out by not knowing her password, and her kid had tried to get around it by doing a factory reset.
Doing that on an iPhone registered to AppleID locks the phone down completely. Since she didn't have her password, she couldn't even power the phone on. When I explained that she would have to contact Apple since they were the manufacturer of the device and her AppleID was an account with them, she absolutely lost it right then and there. She screamed, "So you sell a product, but you don't support your product?!?!"
Before I could explain, again, that we do not make the phones, my coworker chimed in, "Lady, Walmart also sells these phones. When was the last time you went to them and got a repair done?" She sputtered for a minute and walked out, raging about a lawsuit that failed to materialize.
48. It Was A Bad Sign
I was volunteering as a cashier at a used book store for the library. It was not my regular job, but I did it often. In came this older fellow who bought a big stack of books for about 10 bucks. He was really nice and chatty, though he didn’t seem entirely aware, mentally. It was not a big deal, and I just had to explain sales tax and the book pricing a couple of times before he seemed to get it.
He paid by credit card, and I explained to him how to sign the touchscreen for the payment to go through. Then it got weird. He asked for my name, which no customer had ever really done, but I told him anyway. He then took the iPad and told me he was going to sign my name for the card so “they” would know to send the money to me. Before I could say, “No, wait,” he submitted the signature.
I couldn’t see his receipt, but he kept telling me I was great and to keep the change, so I assumed he was being legit. It was really bizarre and it made me wonder if he had been signing cashier names the entire time he’s had a credit card. Thank goodness the card companies rarely check those things.
49. Fusion Food
I worked at an Italian restaurant, and this guy ordered a salad. It seemed straightforward enough, but I was so, so wrong. When I asked what dressing he wanted, he kept going back to the pasta sauces and asking, “Sugo, that would be good on it, wouldn’t it! I’ll get that”. I tried to explain, “Sir, those are for pasta. You got the Mediterranean salad”. He responded, “You’re right; maybe carbonara,” another pasta sauce.
I couldn’t get what he wasn’t understanding. He seemed like a normal smart dude, but he couldn’t comprehend the difference between the dressings and sauces.
50. Before Or After Life?
I was a private investigator and I was looking into a case. I had found an old couple who were friends of the victim, and he would occasionally come over to their house. I asked them when the last time the victim had come over. Their response was the key to solving the mystery. They spent about five minutes arguing back and forth with each other...whether it was before or after they offed him.
51. On The Edge
When I was a kid, my family owned several pizza places. I didn't hang around them much because I was fairly young, but my older sisters worked at the big one waitressing and cashiering.
She told me that one night, the well-dressed father of a large family that had ordered several large pizzas tried to get out of paying for them because the pizza didn't have sauce/cheese/ingredients all the way to the "edge".
The family had eaten the entire pies except for the crusts. My sister refused to refund his money, he threw a huge fit and reduced my sister to tears. He kept yelling and demanded to see the owner—my dad. Dad came out, saw my sister sobbing, and got the story from one of the cooks. He didn't say a word.
He just slammed the guy's head through the wall and well into the store next door. The guy had to be taken away on a stretcher. The staff and a couple of customers told the authorities that the customer had tried to hit my sister so my dad wouldn’t get taken into custody. Dad didn't get physical often, but when he did, he played for keeps.
