Some weddings are so beautiful and meaningful that they bring a tear into even the most stoic guest’s eye. And then, there are weddings that are so disastrous, the bride and groom might as well turn around and walk straight to the nearest divorce lawyer’s office after they say “I do.”
1. Keep Them Guessing
I was attending a wedding and everything was going just fine. The flower girl was angelic, the bride was the image of beauty in white, etc. It looked like this marriage was getting off to a good start. Then came the wedding vows. When the time came to say “I do,” the groom said, “I guess.” Well, the marriage ended shortly thereafter.
2. He Just Ran Into My Knife
I was helping out at my parents’ restaurant. They were hosting a huge wedding party and everything was going well…at first. I was busy serving drinks and suddenly loud yelling and screaming started right behind me. As it turns out, the bride had somehow found out the groom’s dark secret. How bad was it? Well, he had hooked up with her sister right before the wedding ceremony—and apparently on a few occasions before.
To say that she did not react well would be an understatement. Actually, what happened next kind of reminds of that lyric from Chicago’s “Cell Block Tango.” How does it go again? Oh, yeah. “And then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.” In her anger, the bride grabbed a dinner fork from the table and plunged it into the groom’s chest…several times. We had to call first responders. It was absolutely insane.
Apparently, the (former) bride’s parents are still regular guests at my parents’ restaurant. And, according to my mother, they told her that the groom and the bride’s sister now actually have two children together and are planning on getting married.
3. You Can’t Keep This Hoedown
I played in a wedding band for several years. We played a wedding at a farm and they provided us with a greenroom. It was just one of two small rooms built into the side of a barn. After we finished the first set, we and a few of the guests all went back to this barn to hang out. Once we were inside, we could clearly hear two people sharing what should have been a private moment.
We all thought that it was funny as all get out, and started making all sorts of noises to let the couple know that we were there. The noises coming from the couple stopped immediately, but nothing else happened for a while. We all thought that the couple was too embarrassed to come out just yet. They were probably sorting themselves out and bracing for the walk of shame.
More time went by and the couple still didn’t come out. So, one of the guests knocked on the door to ask if everything was alright. The door opened and the best man, who was married, appeared and literally bolted out of the barn as fast as he could with his jacket pulled over his head to try and hide his face. Then, a few seconds later, the bride walked out and started crying her eyes out.
It turns out they had been sleeping together behind the groom’s back for quite a while. The groom got wind of what had happened in the barn. There was a lot of shouting and then I’m not sure what happened after that. We just packed up all of our stuff and got out of there. Eventually, I found out the ending of that strange story.
A few years later we got a request from the same bride and best man to play at THEIR wedding—and that’s not the weirdest part. They were having it at the same venue.
4. Think Of The Children!!
So this wedding took place in an Episcopal church. The priest had all his finery on and the church itself was decorated very nicely for the occasion. The bride and groom had made a point of asking everyone to wear casual clothes. We all took that to mean “semi-formal.” Nope. They and their kids all came out wearing overalls and white t-shirts.
They stood next to the priest, who was in his formal robes. The other cringey part was when the groom, in the middle of the ceremony, started repeatedly talking about the Bible verse “let the little children come to me” and insisting it implied “and listen to what they’re telling you.” He kept saying that over and over again, even though most of us had no idea what he meant.
He then launched into an impromptu twenty-minute speech explaining how he and the bride had gotten together. There were plenty of parts in the story where the groom was like “I wasn’t sure she was right for me,” but his son was pressing him because “he wanted a mom.” It was a sad story actually, as the kid lost his biological mom when he was only four and this was eight years later.
So, his speech was basically this long and unfocused story that boiled down to “I’m marrying this woman so that my kid can have a mom.” That, and some more confusing Bible references mixed in here and there for good measure. Not a good sign when that’s your main reason for getting married to someone. Nevertheless, I knew it, probably half the attendees knew it, and the priest definitely knew it.
That whole background story might have been okay to tell during the reception, under a certain kind of atmosphere, but I have no idea why he decided to tell it in the middle of the actual wedding ceremony. When all was said and done, this couple ended up getting divorced less than two years later.
5. A Lot of Energy in This One
My brother managed a gas station about ten years ago and had hired the soon-to-be bride as an employee. A little while into her employment, she requested a few days off for her wedding. The date was still a couple of months out, so it was no big deal. About a week before her requested time off, she came into work and had the following exchange with my brother:
Bride: “Wanna see my new tattoo?” Bro: “Uh, sure.” She lifts the back of her shirt to reveal a huge, green, Monster Energy “M” covering the whole upper half of her back. Bro: “Holy moly! Wow!” Bride: “Awesome, huh? And my fiance got the same tat!” Bro: “Really?…” Bride: “I know, I know what you’re thinking. Copyright, right?”
“But what are they gonna do? It’s already on my body! It’s ALREADY ON MY BODY! Ha ha!” Bro: “Right. That. That is what I was thinking.” Then, at the ceremony, the pair awkwardly gave the same demonstration to all their guests. There are even pictures of it. I’m working on getting a hold of those. It was a camouflage-themed wedding.
She had an open-back camo gown with camo heels. She even had a camo veil. I really wish it had been ghillie suit headgear. The groom had camo pants with camo boots and a camo bowtie. He was, indeed, shirtless. He did wear a camo ball cap, though. I imagine them walking down the aisle, backs glistening in the sun with vaseline over a huge Monster logo.
Just the perfect day that every kid dreams about someday having. They were happily married for seven whole months.
6. The Family That Lies Together Stays Together
My sister and her husband. They met each other our junior year of high school, and she moved in with him halfway through our senior year. I never liked him and did not hide that fact. I especially didn’t like him after he hit on me while they were dating. Didn’t hide that fact either, but my sister brushed me off. Before he popped the question, she found out he’d been texting other girls.
He promised he’d change. The wedding was a train wreck, honestly. It was a small affair in our family back yard, with our aunt officiating. That same aunt started crying midway through the ceremony. My stepmother read a poem about them she wrote halfway through the ceremony—she always wants to be the center of attention.
The groom’s drunken father, who had been barred from the wedding, came stumbling in at some point during the vows to search for alcohol, and I saw the groom grab one of the bridesmaids’ bottoms. I didn’t point that out to my deliriously happy stepsister. I should have. A year later it turned out the groom had been sending racy messages and pictures to my stepmom.
My sister somehow forgave both of them. She has low self-esteem. They got caught again a year after that. At that point, my dad had divorced my stepmother, so I have been distant from this whole shebang. But my sister—who I do still talk to—finally divorced that jerk. Divorce for everyone! Let’s pull an Oprah.
7. One Wedding To Mar Them All
I once photographed a wedding that made me quit photographing weddings altogether, even though it paid well. My husband was my second photographer, and even he couldn’t believe the day we had. We showed up early to get a feel for the venue and grab photos of guests and details. Then, I went to check on the bride and my husband checked on the guys.
The bride was extremely angry with everyone because apparently her husband-to-be had been lighting up earlier and when she had ordered him to stop, he decided to have a drink instead. The wedding ceremony was very dry. No tears. No sincere words. Then at the reception, the brother of the groom got up to speak. His toast included things like, “I can’t believe we’re here today; no one thought you would make it this far” and, “You know we wish the best for you and we hope you’re happy.”
All of the guests were cringing. Immediately after the speech, the bride said to me, “I don’t want photos of any of his (the groom’s) family. I also don’t want photos of my sister who thinks she’s a model.” That was the last wedding I shot, and it was nearly four years ago. That man was miserable. I could see it in his face and everyone else’s.
8. Raise The Roof On A House Divided
My father-in-law was getting remarried in his late 60s. His wife had passed on 20 years earlier because of cancer. His new girl had been married three times prior, twice divorced, and one who had passed on. When we met the new girlfriend at the time, two out of three of the children told him point-blank that she wasn’t a good match for him.
Of course, he couldn’t (didn’t want to) see it—and took out a loan of $20,000 to repair her house. The thing is, he’s super stubborn, as in he is clearly in the wrong with evidence supported, and he will still argue it 20 minutes. And he’s a yeller. If I raise my voice, then I’m more right! She is also stubborn and extremely religious.
He is also religious, but she took it to an 11. Any time they would get together while my wife and I were there, there was always a screaming match going on. They would find the littlest thing and start going off at each other. Well, it never did get better. Weeks leading up to the wedding just added more fuel as they had more things to shout about.
The day of the wedding it felt really tense. Very smiling through their teeth. They hardly came back from their honeymoon when he approached my wife and I, asking for advice. She served the divorce papers two months later, and he’s still doing payments on her roof!
9. You Make Me Sick
I don’t work in the wedding industry but I have a depressing wedding story. I have a friend who I grew up with. She was always gorgeous and incredibly popular with guys and I always thought she was a great person. As I got older, I came to realize she was actually extremely toxic in relationships. Nevertheless, she had been seeing a new guy for two months when one day, I received a wedding invitation in the mail.
Knowing her history with guys, I braced myself for the worst at this wedding. But even I could not have seen this coming. I turned up to the wedding, and it’s a gorgeous little backyard-type wedding. It’s spring and everything looks perfect. I greeted her family and it was like I had turned up to a funeral. They were all extremely solemn and when I asked about the groom, her mother rolled her eyes and said, “This is a mistake.”
The wedding commenced and the bride walked down the aisle. Her face was grey. She looked like she would rather be anywhere else. The couple managed to exchange vows even while the bride did everything in her power not to touch her husband-to-be. She stood a solid meter away from him at their backyard altar. She actually cringed and looked away when the groom choked up talking about how much he loved her.
When the priest finally said that it was time to kiss the bride, my friend did the unimaginable. She took a slow step forward and presented her cheek for the groom to kiss instead of her lips. No one cheered. There was just an awkward shuffling of feet and a few scattered claps. It was the worst wedding I’ve ever been to.
They lasted about three months.
10. Branching Out
In November 2018, I attended the wedding of my in-laws’ friends. They were an older couple in their 60s who had been dating for decades and finally decided to tie the knot. The husband did a stint in the Navy and so, given the timing of their wedding, he invited a lot of his veteran buddies from across the different military branches.
During the reception speech, the guy instructed the DJ to begin playing the official hymns for each of the various branches, and he asked all the various veterans from said branches to stand up and be recognized. I get where he was coming from, wanting to pay his respects given the calendar proximity to Veterans Day.
The problem was that absolutely nobody knew that he was planning to do this. Including the veterans themselves. They all kind of stared amongst themselves and awkwardly stood up. The civilian guests just fidgeted for the five minutes or so that this went on for. His heart was in the right place, but darn if it wasn’t cringey as you can possibly imagine.
Later that night, the bride got extremely intoxicated with her girlfriends and spent a while dancing barefoot on the dance floor. At some point during this intense dancing session, she took a wrong turn somewhere and wound up rolling her ankle pretty badly. She ended up in one of those mobility boots for about a month.
11. A Colorful Situation
My mom gets her hair dyed blue every couple of months. When my sister was planning her wedding, I confirmed with her that my mom and I were going to the salon the week before her wedding and that my mom was going to be dying her hair. My sister was fine with it because my little sister, the flower girl, was also going to have blue hair. They would match!
Well, apparently the groom had a hissy fit to end all hissy fits about my mom’s blue hair. All of a sudden, it wasn’t okay for my mom to walk my sister down the aisle; instead, some random man that my sister had only known for a little while got to do it. The groom even called my mom names in the Church right before the rehearsal!
I started to yell at him, but the pastor intervened. Then the groom threatened to leave my sister at the altar because my mom had blue hair and would ruin the wedding pictures. Nobody in my family liked him before that, and he certainly didn’t win any points that day.
12. Thrift Store Wedding
A friend of mine from high school foolishly decided to marry the childhood friend that got her pregnant via a drunken one-night stand. They’d known each other most of their lives, but hadn’t seriously dated before the pregnancy. She bought a rather ill-fitting “proper” wedding dress from a thrift store for the occasion.
Honestly, it was a cocktail-dress length in front and had a train in the back, it didn’t zip all the way, and it was supposed to be off the shoulder but was so tight that she wore it as strapless. The wedding took place on a Wednesday afternoon in the middle of nowhere. I stepped into the room where she was getting ready and she was bawling her eyes out.
I asked her what was wrong, and she said that she knew the groom was a player and that he’d cheated on his previous girlfriend with her. She added that she knew that he was only marrying her because of the baby, and that she didn’t know what else to do. She still went through with it.
13. Maid Of Dishonor
All of my interesting stories came from my time as an event server. Honestly, I felt like a lot of the weddings I saw at that event hall represented the culmination of two people’s most expensive mistake of their lives. Coworkers and I routinely placed bets on which ones would last the year. Our manager even told us about one time when they called a couple to clear up some minor details regarding the wedding a few months prior, only to find that couple was no longer married.
I have to say, though, that the best/worst maid-of-honor speech I have ever heard was the one where the maid-of-honor had formerly dated the groom. And she said this. In the speech. And she also mentioned that it hadn’t worked out between them for a laundry list of reasons, which unfortunately for my nightly entertainment, she did not delve into.
AND then she threw in a few wink-wink-nudge-nudge comments about the groom’s performance in the bedroom. The bride looked furious the whole time this speech was happening and made a beeline for the bar as soon as it was socially acceptable. Can you blame her? The groom, meanwhile, is super awkwardly avoiding eye contact with the maid/his former lover, and the last thing I witnessed between the happy couple was a tense exchange interspersed with both of them chugging their drinks.
Yeah, I wouldn’t place any bets on that one.
14. Here Comes The Party Pooper
I was a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding a few years back. The bride was okay throughout their relationship, but it felt very superficial, and she had done small things that signaled that she wasn’t a very kind person. Leading up to the wedding, she got snippier, which we all brushed off as nerves, but she was being straight mean to her other sister-in-law (SIL), who was literally doing everything.
SIL planned the bachelorette party exactly as my bro’s wife wanted—bro’s wife pouts because we were talking to each other as well as her and just stands up and leaves. Just leaves. Other SIL is clearly very hurt, and we did our best to cheer her up, but she had to share an awkward hotel room with bro’s wife, so yay. The rehearsal comes, and bro’s wife sends SIL out to do all the last-minute errands that bro’s wife was supposed to do but didn’t because she’s decided it wasn’t her job but didn’t tell anyone.
So, flowers, decorations, and tons of other stuff was missing, and SIL was blitzing to retrieve it. We didn’t know until bro’s wife both bragged about what she did, and whined about how SIL was late, useless, etc. I told her SIL was doing everything for her, she should be grateful, and then left while she was screeching. Day of the wedding, she’s miserable, barely smiles, whines to everyone for everything, refuses to dance at the reception beyond the first dance because she wanted to pout over unknown reasons, tears open the gifts to see who was cheap and who was worthy, and then flounced out while leaving trash everywhere.
I don’t know how, but she and my brother remained married for about five years. She was just nasty the whole time. My brother is also a jerk, but wow, she really went all out to out-jerk him. So she’s gone, and we’re all much happier without her. Still keep in touch with her brother and his wife (other SIL) though, because they’re great folks.
15. Red Flags
My best mate and his girlfriend. They were from polar opposite sides of the world with the bride some 10,000 miles from home. They were both located in a country that was not where they were born, they did not speak the language and they both were under immense strain. The Bride had other issues too that I won’t share, but that exacerbated the situation
The wedding was a small and simple affair—a registry office and a pub lunch, followed by a few beers by just very close family and a couple of friends. I was taking photographs. The bride’s mood was annoyed at best. Her new husband would put his arm around her, and she would push him away. She stated to me she just did not want to be there.
More than once, she just stared at me in total despair. As a result, he looked despondent at times and almost heartbroken.
16. Worst Wedding Ever
I’m a wedding photographer. I’ve been right in predicting divorces a few times, for sure. This one groom in particular was so full of himself, but did that “Whatever you want, my Queen,” thing because he wants everyone to see him as this great guy, but really, he’s a self-absorbed jerk. He was a “chef” and loved telling people that. It was a quick engagement and marriage, and I got the feeling maybe too quick.
The wedding and reception were both at his parents’ place. His mom had a lot of input, as did his sister. Between those two, they shut the bride out of her own wedding whenever she tried to talk. On the day of the wedding itself, I arrived to shoot the bride and bridesmaids getting ready but she was alone with the hair and makeup person.
I initially thought that the makeup person was a friend, but she wasn’t. Her bridesmaids were nowhere in sight. Two hours went by and still no sight of them. The bride tried calling but couldn’t get a hold of them. The makeup finished with still no sign of the bridesmaids, so I helped the bride put her veil on and did up her shoes.
I was feeling so bad for her. This was supposed to be her big day and there I was, basically a stranger, putting on her veil on and telling her that she looked beautiful. Finally, the bridesmaids showed up. The maid of honor was the groom’s sister. When the bride questioned them, the sister said that had gone out for breakfast.
The bride innocently asked why they hadn’t told her and the sister started getting defensive, accusing the bride of being a “bridezilla.” Then it came out that this maid of honor—or dishonor—had invited the groom and all of the groomsmen for breakfast too. She was the only one in the whole wedding party that hadn’t been there.
The kicker? None of the bridesmaids were ready—they hadn’t dressed, done their hair or makeup. The wedding was supposed to start in 30 minutes. The wedding ceremony went well enough, but the rest of the evening was a mess. We were supposed to go to a nearby beach and trail for photos. This never happened, because the groom was literally talking to every person in attendance in the longest receiving line situation I had ever seen.
The sun was about to set and I told the couple that I literally had no photos of them alone together and we needed to get the light. The groom brushed me off, “Yeah, yeah after the speeches.” That would have been alright, but his speech ran on for 30 minutes. By that time, the sun had set. Finally, the bride just looked at me, defeated, and said, “You can just go home now.”
Not long after, I delivered the images that I had managed to capture from that debacle of a wedding. The groom refused to pay the remainder of my money. I got a million excuses. After a month, I finally texted him and said I was going through small claims. The next day, he sent an electronic payment, with an angry message about hounding him and giving me a bad review.
The joke was on him though. I saw the bride six months later at a restaurant, and before I could ask, she told me she left him. I found out from a friend that the groom was no longer a “chef”—three separate restaurants had fired him.
17. This One Takes The Cake
I once attended a classmate’s wedding. They were both young, maybe about 22 or 23 years old. There is apparently a “caking” tradition in some parts of the country where, when they cut the wedding cake, the couple feeds each other a little bit of it and smears some onto each other’s faces as a joke. The bride had absolutely made it 1000% clear to the groom that she did NOT want to be caked.
He did it anyway. And not just a small smear. He full-on smushed the entire slice into her face. She was stunned initially, then got up, with her face full of cake, and yelled “YOU JERK! I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!” She then ran as fast as she could to a back area near the reception. The groom tried to follow her, but the bridesmaids and the mother of the bride stopped him.
So, the groom ended up sitting awkwardly at the head table by himself while half the wedding party rushed off with the bride. She stayed back there for like an hour. They eventually did let him go back there to check on her. We could hear her crying and them arguing. The rest of the reception came to a screeching halt until one of the bride’s aunts emerged and directed the servers to clear the tables and put on some music.
They got divorced two years later.
18. Tonight’s Not Gonna Be A Good Night
I was a banquet manager at a hotel for years, and have worked hundreds of weddings. The worst one by far was the time the bride was at least twenty years younger than the groom. It was almost definitely an arranged marriage. Only about twenty people were invited to the reception, and the only decoration was a lousy quality massive blown-up picture of the bride and groom in the shape of a heart.
When the bride and groom walked into the room, someone put the Black Eyed Peas’ “Tonight’s Going to be a Good Night” on over a CD player. Then the song played again, and again, and again for three hours straight. The only time it stopped was when the CD ended because apparently, no one had learned how to use the repeat feature.
So, they had just burned a CD with the same song on it 20 times in a row. When it did stop though, someone just got up and restarted it. Also, there was no drinking at this event. Disaster.
19. Hakuna Matata
The groom had his car stolen on the morning of the wedding and spent the whole day swearing and punching inanimate objects because, as we all heard a thousand times that day, not only was the car “the most important thing in his life,” it also wasn’t insured. The wedding was at a Boy Scout hall, for no apparent reason…maybe irony…but the reception was in the cafeteria at one of those “Underwater World” places.
There was a glass tunnel that you could walk through to see fish swimming all around you, but no one was allowed to go see the fish because, get this: the whole day had a Lion King theme. Except for, you know, the venue. Then, towards the end of the night, the bride got into a physical fight with one of the bridesmaids because she caught her sleeping with a groomsman.
The bride then tearfully admonished the groomsman caught with his pants down for cheating on her (the bride). I have no idea how long the marriage lasted for, as I never saw or heard from them again.
20. Mistaken Identity
I got invited to the wedding by a friend and went because I was told that there was going to be a really good band and a high-level buffet at the reception. We showed up a bit early and things were still being set up. Someone needed some stuff from the grocery store, so I volunteered to go. A woman said she would go with me to show me where the grocery store was and to help get stuff, so I agreed.
On the ride to the grocery store, she started talking about the wedding and how going to weddings was always kind of sad for her. I asked if she had a bad divorce or something, and she straight up told me that she found weddings arousing, but never had any luck finding a man at one. Ok, red lights and warning buzzers should have been going off. I knew they should have.
They were at some level, probably, but I totally ignored them—huge mistake. When we got to the store, she asked me to pull around to the side and park behind a bunch of empty semi-trailers. I did, and she crawled across the seat of my truck and started kissing me. Things progressed and stuff happened. It took maybe five minutes total. It was the definition of a quickie.
Afterward, we shopped and got the stuff that was needed, and headed back to the church. When we got there and the stuff was taken to the kitchen, I found my friend. She asked why it had taken so long and I dodged the question. I’m not a good liar, so she got suspicious and I dodged that. Then she got mad and demanded that I tell her what happened. So I did. And she freaked. That’s when she told me the chilling truth.
She told me that the woman that I had gone to the store with was…the bride! She was not amused. I was not amused! The groom, when he walked up to me about five minutes later, was not AT ALL amused. He just punched me. I went down, and he walked away. Apparently, a few people knew what had happened, as I was getting the stink eye from a number of people as I picked myself up off the floor.
I asked my friend if we should leave and she agreed. I heard later that there was a three-hour delay and a lot of serious negotiating after I left, but that the wedding ultimately proceeded. The marriage lasted eight months, which was a good six months longer than anyone I talked to about it had given it.
21. Belated Bride
My sister-in-law is just a horrible, thoughtless person—but this took the cake. Her wedding to my brother was supposed to start at 3:00 pm. At 2:59, she was getting in a bathtub in her hotel room to “unwind” before starting to get ready. All of us bridesmaids were already ready. We had been ready for hours. I had to call my mom at 3 and tell her that we were at least an hour out.
My brother was already there obviously, and I didn’t want him to think he was getting left at the altar. Oh, and did I mention it was October? It was actually Halloween, around 40 degrees Fahrenheit, and windy. This is important because it was an outdoor wedding in a park with no indoor venue attached, so the guests literally had to wait in their seats in the freezing cold.
They ended up waiting more than an hour and a half. The divorce papers have now been filed and should be final within a few months.
22. Partners In Crime But Not In Life
My cousin and her husband had a pretty lavish wedding, one that seems like it should have been out of their price range. It was a huge red flag that everyone just ignored. Well, a couple of months go by and on Facebook, they are posting about the new Maserati they bought. My cousin is a college student, and her husband is in “sales.”
After that, they bought a brand-new Mercedes and a yacht. Well turns out they had been running a Ponzi scheme and had defrauded people out of more than a million dollars. After they got caught, they turned on each other. The husband got nine years in federal prison, and my cousin got two years. Oh, and she gave birth to their child in prison.
Both of them are disgusting human beings so I’d hoped for more time in the slammer.
23. Wedding Photos And Mugshots
My wife has been a wedding photographer and I’ve helped her out from time to time. At one of the first weddings we did, I got this really trashy vibe off the bride. I couldn’t quite place my finger on what specifically triggered this feeling. It was like her whole extended family came right out of Deliverance. I told my then-girlfriend (now wife) that I didn’t think that the couple was going to last very long.
Sure enough, a few months later, the mother of the bride called my wife for the wedding photos. My wife asked why the bride hadn’t contacted her to collect the photos and the mother just said she’d been “indisposed” for a bit. I got into a Google-fu mode and looked up the bride. It didn’t take much digging. She was all over the news.
I found a report from three days after the wedding. It was from Florida, where the couple had honeymooned. The bride was behind bars for publicly attacking her new husband. She put the poor guy in the hospital.
24. It’s All About Me, Myself, And I
When I was eleven years old, my cousin got married for the third time. I never really liked her because she was 37 when I was 11, so we didn’t have a lot in common. Also, she was pretty full of herself. The wedding itself was fine. Pretty boring, but fine. Then we get to the reception. We were told we had to sit down as soon as we got there.
Some people found this instruction weird and out of the ordinary, but I had only ever been to one other wedding before this one so I personally didn’t think anything of it. Her other weddings were when I was little, and no kids had been allowed to attend. We all sat down and the bride and groom then made a huge dramatic entrance.
Everyone awkwardly clapped for them as they strutted around the room with actual crowns on their heads. The bride then gets the microphone, hands it to her mom, and asks her to say something she loves about the bride. She then tells her mom to pass it on and says she wants everyone in the room to say one thing they absolutely love about the bride.
Not the bride and groom. Not their relationship. Just about the bride herself. It was one of the most painful things I’ve ever seen. Everyone was awkwardly trying to come up with things to say about her when it came to their turn. When it was my turn, I just said, “Your eyeshadow is pretty.” I felt so awkward and wanted to be anywhere in the world but there.
My older brother said “Pass,” which made her force a fake laugh and urge him to say something. He ignored it and she kept insisting, so he said, “Your parents,” and passed the mic on. To make matters even weirder, she then had the staff set up a booth where we could all pose and take pictures with a life-size cutout of Donald Trump.
She has since begun posting photos of herself with the cutout on Facebook constantly. She seems to think it looks so realistic, which it doesn’t. She even made a post pretending that she had been caught cheating on her husband with the cutout. She has posted pictures of herself kissing it and of it standing in her room.
These posts are always accompanied with captions like, “Oops, I just got caught with my side piece!” or some other cringy stuff like that. But that’s not even the worst part! Even weirder, the husband laughs about it and encourages it. Meanwhile, her daughter from one of her previous marriages deleted her from Facebook.
Nowadays, this daughter often stays with her dad because she just can’t stand her mom anymore. Anyway, my cousin and this new husband ended up divorcing a few months after the wedding. The reason why was truly disturbing. She had caught him cheating on her with an 18-year-old girl who was still in high school at the time.
Since the first time I had met him, I could tell that this guy had always given off bad, creepy vibes. This was to the point where even strangers noticed and wanted their kids to stay away from him. She married another guy a few years later, and they are still together and living happily ever after. I guess fourth time’s the charm!
25. The Show Must Go On
The bride and groom were quite young and had dated happily for several months. The bride was in a hurry to settle down and pushed for engagement; the groom was reasonably happy to oblige but not really ready to take the next step, so he wanted a long engagement. Unfortunately for him, the bride began pushing to set a wedding date almost immediately, and the groom grudgingly agreed.
As the wedding date approached, the groom made it known that he loved the bride, but wasn’t ready to settle down yet. The bride wasn’t having any of it and complained to her own immediate family, who then started harassing the groom’s parents. The groom eventually agreed to go ahead with the wedding if the bride’s family left his parents alone.
When he found out about the situation, the minister refused to perform a wedding in which one party wasn’t on board. However, the bride insisted that the event go ahead and that they pretend it was real. We all immediately noticed something was up when the minister didn’t say the words legally required for marriage, and no paperwork was signed. But that wasn’t the worst part.
Then, the groom’s parents refused to attend the reception, leaving table one half-empty, and declared they would not be paying for the bar service. Some guests took back their gifts and left. The bride and groom avoided each other the entire time except for a super awkward first dance. The whole thing was surreal. They split up a couple of months later.
26. Beware the Dragoness
The bride, whom I didn’t even know, apparently designated me to help decorate the reception hall prior to the wedding. I went to do so, and her mother was there, telling me in a hushed, scared whisper that I better not mess anything up because the bride would be FURIOUS. Everything was to be a certain way, and if it was wrong, there’d be heck to pay.
I gave her the benefit of the doubt (chalked it up to wedding anxiety), and during the reception, I tried to chat with her a bit, and she literally rolled her eyes at me. I also didn’t see her look at the groom once at the wedding or the reception. They were split less than a year later. Later, the groom confided to me and my husband that the morning of the wedding he’d been filled with an overwhelming feeling of dread and spent several hours just sitting on his lawn, thinking, “I shouldn’t do this.”
But it was already paid for, a huge crowd full of guests was waiting, a ton of family (including us) had come in from out of state, and he just felt he had to go through with it. Apparently, the bride had a long history of being awful and controlling. I have absolutely no clue what made him propose to her in the first place.
Just Facebook stalked the (ex) bride. Her latest status update is announcing her wedding date with a new guy. Someone “jokingly” asked in the comments if they’ve set a date for the divorce. Oh snap.
27. Anything Goes In The Mountains
Holy moly. My cousin “Jan’s” wedding was basically just a preamble to an elaborate Dance of Divorce that we all knew was coming from the moment the engagement began. For context, this took place 15 years ago in the backwoods of North Carolina. My family is just a generation or two removed from snake-handling in church, so some of the wackiness is the product of upwardly mobile inbreeding, and redneck gumption.
Just a few things that come to mind: Her fiancé proposed to her OVER THE CORPSE OF HER FATHER. He was over with the family watching TV when Jan’s dad collapsed on the floor. He passed on before emergency services arrived. Her boyfriend grabbed her hands as she was sitting next to her father’s body, pulled her up to her feet, and then asked her to marry him.
He later said that he “didn’t want her to get away.” The fiancé then disappeared for a month the week after the funeral. Nobody knew where to reach him. The bride’s white trash mother told Jan that she had to get married within four months because she (the mother, my aunt) planned to move to another state with her new boyfriend to avoid bill collectors.
When Jan’s fiancé showed back up, he was cagey and weird. Eventually, it came out that he’d been living with his ex-girlfriend because she insisted that he had to give her a month of his life, or she’d take him to court for child support that he was supposed to be paying on their infant son, but had never paid. Throughout all of this, Jan continued to insist that she wanted to marry him.
My mother and I did most of the wedding prep and arrangements. Jan’s mom, despite insisting on the 4-month timeline to help pay for the wedding before her move, never contributed a dime. We were both pretty convinced that the wedding was going to be canceled at any moment. But, the day arrived, and so did the principle players.
At the wedding itself: The groom walked around drinking PBR out of a massive travel thermos with a novelty straw and told everyone who would listen that Jan was a good “starter wife.” Jan threw several tantrums about stupid stuff, including one in which she accused the groom of stealing her drink. He told her she was a “dumb slag,” but it all worked out because then she found her drink. Then, somehow, it got worse.
The groom pulled the ring off of Jan’s finger during the reception and swallowed it “as a joke.” The groom picked a fight with his father because his dad had asked the ex-girlfriend to stay at home, and the groom had really wanted her to be there. Jan was in the dark about this invitation until the brawl broke out. Shocking precisely nobody, except possibly Jan herself, they eventually did divorce.
Eating the ring caused the groom some discomfort, so they had to cancel their honeymoon to the mountains so that he could go to the ER and get hospital-grade laxatives. They lost money on the cancellation and the ER visit, which they really didn’t have to lose. That resulted in some immediate debt problems, and they lost the trailer they’d planned to rent when they couldn’t come up with the deposit.
That resulted in both of them moving into the groom’s parents’ home, into his old bedroom. Things went downhill from there. The groom’s ex-girlfriend popped back up less than three months after the wedding, heavily pregnant with his second child. She went after him for another “shared month,” but Jan wasn’t cool with it. The ex ended up taking him to court for child support.
Jan got a second job to make ends meet while resigning herself to living with her in-laws for a while longer. One day, after he’d dropped her off at work, the groom sold Jan’s car. He then disappeared for several more weeks. She lost both jobs and shortly thereafter realized she was pregnant. The groom accused her of cheating because he thought he couldn’t have more than two children in a lifetime, and his ex-girlfriend had already filled the quota.
As I understand it, this is what ultimately caused the rift in their relationship.
28. What Happened To Smashing Cake In His Face?
One of my wife’s sorority sisters got married recently. We’re not that close and I don’t know the groom, but every time I’ve seen my wife’s friend, she’s been belligerently drunk. At her wedding reception, she went even further and got blackout drunk. Apparently, she thought it would be funny to hide under a table at that point…but then she spilled wine on her dress and started crying instead.
Her new husband tried to get her to come back out from under the table and socialize, and her reaction was terrifying: she ended up smashing a glass into his face instead of the more traditional wedding cake, resulting in a trip to the ER. She almost bragged about it when she told the story to us after he’d left, as if she was trying to prove that nobody could tell her what to do.
They were going to get a divorce, but ended up getting pregnant instead…
29. Sometimes, Opposites Don’t Attract
The groom was a major jerk; he was very snobby and he looked down on the bride and her family because they didn’t have money. Because the bride’s family didn’t have much money and was paying everything they could for the wedding, it was very small, and we (the bridesmaids) did most of the decorating and setting up.
The bride’s dad was the pastor of the Church, so we were able to get in and work on the reception room a day or two before the wedding. The entire wedding party was supposed to help, including the bride and groom. The groomsmen showed up, but no groom. He wasn’t answering his phone, his parents couldn’t find him, and his groomsmen had no idea where he was.
He just dropped off the face of the earth for two days right before the wedding. The wedding party looked like we were from two different worlds; she wanted turquoise blue as a wedding color, but he wanted gold; she wanted casual and comfortable, he wanted formal. So instead of either making any compromise at all, they each did their own thing with their side of the wedding party.
This resulted in the bridesmaids wearing bright turquoise skirts and flip-flops while the groomsmen wore full suits with gold ties. In the photos, we look like two separate weddings that stumbled into each other’s photos by accident. The opposites didn’t end there. The bride’s family was super conservative and didn’t drink alcohol; in fact, their Church did not allow it on Church property, which is where the reception was held.
The groom, on the other hand, was basically still a frat boy—he actually worked for his fraternity for a year after graduation—and couldn’t stand the “no alcohol” rule. To get around it, he got wasted in the parking lot before the ceremony. During the reception, we pretended like we didn’t know that all of the groomsmen had full flasks of whiskey.
We had all spent considerable money being part of this wedding, but we agreed that if she called it off, we would happily eat the cost of everything and just be happy that she didn’t marry him. No dice; she said she couldn’t call off the wedding since everyone knew they were getting married and had already arrived. I’ve never seen a bride’s parents look so miserable as their daughter got married; I couldn’t imagine being her dad performing that ceremony.
They lasted officially almost four years, but she left him about a year before that and moved into her own place. We found his dating profiles online, which were absolutely wild. It was so bad that her super-conservative Christian parents offered to get her a divorce lawyer…and his family took her side in the divorce!
30. Something Is Wrong With This Picture
I was at a wedding as a videographer. Bride was really happy and everything, but the groom seemed disinterested and bored. Film the ceremony and everything, and we need some shots of the guests mingling. My buddy says he hasn’t got any footage of the groom and asks if I’ve seen him. I say no but offer to walk around and look.
I eventually find the groom way down by the lake sitting on a bench and chatting with one of the bridesmaids. They don’t notice me, but I see them share a kiss. Mentioned it to my buddy, who just shrugged and said we were there to film the wedding, so it’s not our concern.
31. Does This Make Me A Wedding Crasher?
I’m a photographer and I’ve only worked three weddings because they’re a nightmare. Bless you guys who do it, but it’s too much work and drama for me, and not worth the money. Anyway, as it turns out, I’m kind of the reason why this couple got divorced. Not that they really should have gotten married in the first place.
So, at this wedding, the groom called his bride unattractive. That was red flag number one. She was stunning and used to model and he was cute but generic. Throughout the night, he kept ignoring his bride and hung out with his boys. At one point, he even asked for a photoshoot with his mom. He was definitely a mama’s boy. But not even his mother could get him to take pictures with his wife.
When I suggested that he take pictures with the bride, he told me to shut up. I could see the bride wanted the pictures but after asking the groom a third time, I just started packing up. When he started yelling at me, I just told him no one talks to me like that, and I’d send them a refund. And that’s when I knew it wasn’t going to last.
The guy actually started crying and said he’d behave. Anyway, fast forward two weeks, and the couple had gotten an annulment. The bride’s dad paid me in full—and tipped me well too—but neither party wanted the photos. When I offered to refund him half anyway, he said the bride knew when the groom yelled at me and cried that it wasn’t going to work, so I earned it.
I guess the whole family was trying to get them to call it off.
32. I Want My Money Back
I did this one wedding where the bride was so nervous that she had more than a few drinks and became inebriated before the ceremony. She was so far gone that she needed help just walking down the aisle. Then when the ceremony was over, instead of kissing the groom, she did something so disturbing, it’s unforgettable. She licked him from chin to eyeball.
She also fell during the reception and knocked over a waiter carrying champagne. She couldn’t even be in the post-ceremony photoshoot because she kept falling over. When it was time to cut the cake, we couldn’t find her anywhere. Eventually, our staff went to her hotel room and found her covered in her own vomit, still in her wedding dress.
She had the audacity to ask for a refund after all of this. They’re divorced now.
33. A Match Made In Heaven
I was a photographer for a wedding once where the bride was marrying a man with two kids from a previous relationship. I was in the bridal suite when the bridal party was getting ready, and all of the bridesmaids were wearing matching silk robes. The flower girl, who happened to be the groom’s daughter, was there too.
They asked me to take a group photo of the bridal party, and one of the women in a silk robe was standing awkwardly off to the side. I thought she was just shy or something, so I waved her into the photo. The room instantly got dead silent. The bride was like “Oh no, we don’t want her in the photos!” and glared at me like I should’ve known that!
Apparently, she was the groom’s ex-wife and was only there to take care of the flower girl. But WHY DID YOU GIVE HER A MATCHING BRIDESMAID ROBE?? I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.
34. The Groom Got Busy
A family friend’s daughter got pregnant accidentally, so the “happy” couple decided to get married. On the big day, the guests had congregated outside of the venue waiting for the wedding ceremony when all of a sudden, another woman barged in demanding to speak to the groom. When she started talking, our jaws hit the floor.
She proclaimed that the groom had also gotten her pregnant! Wide-eyed, we watched the absolutely jaw-dropping drama move to behind closed doors while we all waited outside. After a whole lot of commotion, the wedding finally proceeded. It turned out that the other woman was right though, and the two babies were due within two weeks of each other.
We quickly left the reception. Took some cake. It was good. The happy couple didn’t stay married long.
35. Four Is A Crowd
The bride ugly-cried for the entire reception until she, the groom, and her mom got into a yelling fight about it. They both made it clear the only reason they got married was that she was pregnant with their second child. The best man—of a different race, it’s relevant—seemed very jumpy the entire time. Fast forward to six months later, and the baby is clearly biracial.
Less than a year after the wedding, the bride and groom are divorced and she’s with the best man. I feel like I should add that the groom was not unhappy to get a divorce. The general consensus was he was probably as guilty as she was, she just had the misfortune that her infidelity was a lot more obvious.
36. Let’s Just Call The Whole Thing Off
I was working at a “wedding factory.” On Monday, the bride called to cancel her wedding, scheduled for that Saturday. We informed her that they would lose the deposit, around $7,000, and she seemed ok with it. Then, on Thursday she called back and said that the wedding was back on. When the guests arrived, everyone looked pretty upset.
It seems that the wedding party had told everyone that the wedding was off, then two days later that it was on. The ceremony only lasted about three minutes. The bride then changed into sweatpants and everyone made use of the bar. “Well, this won’t last long,” I thought. I was so, so right. It didn’t take a fortune teller to predict what happened next.
The following Monday the bride asked for a divorce.
37. A Lukewarm Reception
I once went to a wedding where they did a potluck. I guess that could be okay depending on the type of wedding, but the reception was at a fairly nice and upscale venue, so it felt a little strange. In addition to that, the wedding couple showed up something like an hour and a half late. Then, to make matters worse, their best man didn’t have a speech prepared, so he decided to improvise one. It went even worse than you would have expected.
The speech went on for a very painful fifteen or twenty minutes, during which time he repeatedly stated that the couple was going to have a great time in bed that night now that they were married. This was a devoutly religious Christian wedding with many of the family’s guests being friends from church, including myself.
Because of the potluck thing, once mealtime came, each table took a turn going up to grab whatever food they wanted out of what people had brought. I was at Table 15. By the time my turn came around, I was lucky if I could get my hands on anything that was kept warm in a crockpot. Everything else was room temperature by this point.
We were given time to go home and grab our food between the ceremony and the reception, but I am fairly certain that most of the food had been sitting in people’s cars since that morning. Oh and also, the church that she moved to did the whole “no kissing before marriage” thing. As a result, she started aggressively making out with her new husband on the altar to the point where the pastor had to say, “Okay, that’s enough.”
Long story short, the whole thing was weird!
38. Bad Things Comes To Those Who Wait
At one wedding, the bride entered to the Braveheart soundtrack blasting on a boombox. It was a civil service that only lasted a few minutes, starting at around 1:00 pm. She then leaves to the same blasting music. The mother announces that the reception will be starting at 5:30 pm. There is no food and no bar, but trays of candy bars will be served. We are also told that the venue is locked until then, so there is no place for us all to wait.
My girlfriend and I then leave with a crowd of people and go to an Irish pub across the street for a few drinks. A bit of a party breaks out there. When the mother finds out about this, we all get told to knock it off and come wait back at the venue in the hall. So we sit in the hall on the carpet for a few hours without drinks or dinner.
The bride and groom finally arrive and enter the venue to an “honor guard” of floor hockey players wearing hockey jerseys and holding sticks above their heads like swords at a royal wedding. More dramatic Braveheart music is playing, of course. The place emptied out pretty quickly, as people either left to go back to the pub or to the fast-food place a bit further away.
Our dinner was lemon squares and a can of Coke from a vending machine in the lobby. Fun stuff.
39. Bros Before Brides
A relative that I didn’t know well was getting married and even as a teenager, I saw two glaring red flags. Firstly, the wedding was super rushed and even though she didn’t tell anyone, the bride was pretty clearly pregnant. Secondly, the groom didn’t want to spend his wedding night with the bride; he wanted to go out drinking with his friends.
His explanation was that “his boys were in town” and that he rarely saw them. Again, this was his wedding night; he had literally just walked down the aisle 15 minutes previously. They didn’t make two years.
40. The Dress Is Just One First Problem
Went to a wedding where the groom accidentally spilled champagne on the bride’s dress. Now, she’s probably not the only bridezilla out there who would go mad. But this turned nasty in a matter of seconds. It started with her being irate over the dress, to blaming him for everything wrong with the wedding (which no one noticed), issues with his family followed, and to top it all off she questioned his mental health—he’d had problems in the past.
All this, while screaming at the top of her lungs in front of about 150 people. Poor guy never stood a chance.
41. Champagne Taste, But The Wedding’s A Waste
The bride and her bridesmaids had gone through at least ten bottles of champagne throughout the morning before the ceremony. Well, two of the three bridesmaids fell and had trouble getting up to make their way down the aisle. The bride and the maid of honor made it down the aisle but had great difficulty. The groom basically had to hold her up for the entire ceremony after she very loudly refused a chair.
The flower girl even looked a little green around the gills and threw up into her basket during the vows. I guess she was either given or sneaked some champagne as well. The wedding planner told me that the bride and groom had argued the night before over whether they were going to drink before the wedding. The groom wanted to stay sober until the reception…obviously, the bride disagreed.
I ran into the wedding planner at another wedding and she informed me that the bride and groom had a massive fight in the limo after the ceremony. The bride’s side of the party was all so bent out of shape that they had to skip the post-ceremony photoshoot. The photographer ended up doing a goofy shoot with the groomsmen, since they had already paid for the photos.
When the wedding party arrived at the reception, the bride had passed out. The groom, obviously embarrassed at this point, made an apology speech to his guests, got an Uber, and went home. Alone.
42. A Walk Along The Beach
I worked catering gigs in Florida. This one wedding ended very abruptly and even more tragically. The bride was being super mean towards her groom during dinner and the reception. She kept speaking to him with this sarcastic tone like, “You should have known to do that already, dodo bird.” Our crew figured, yep, this is going to be a record short marriage.
After the obligatory dances, and dinner had started the groom came up, tipped the DJ, the photographers, then came over and tipped our crew. He tipped us way too much, and this should have been a sign. He thanked us very sweetly and said he was going to skip away and drive down to the beach a few minutes away while the party continued.
The groom never came back. The next day, we found out the horrifying truth. The bride’s family told us that the sheriff had found the groom’s car and his body down by the beach. Tragic. Just tragic.
43. The Battle Axe Bride
I ran a fairly upmarket hotel and restaurant. Sometimes we hosted weddings. I made a rookie error and booked in a wedding for Christmas Eve. This should have been a warning sign. It shows a pretty significant lack of consideration for friends and family making them travel across the country on one of the most irritating days of the year.
Anyhow, the wedding party turned up three hours early. The battle-ax of a bride came charging through the doors and proceeded to shout at us for not being prepared. Her family looked totally and incredibly embarrassed but not entirely surprised. There were various other red flags throughout the night, but the main one happened to me.
The groom asked me if I wanted to go up to his room with him and “break him in” as a married man. I politely refused.
44. It’s A Setup
I’ve worked as a filmmaker for weddings. As the filmmaker, my entire job centered around capturing shared moments of emotion and chemistry. These are what make it into the edit. These are what make your wedding film amazing. But when you realize you have almost no chemistry to capture, it becomes clear that the edit is going to lack the magic that is, you know, love.
At one wedding, the couple treated the wedding like a bachelor and bachelorette party and only hung out with their respective circles. The groom was drinking and laughing loudly amidst his old friends. It was not a good vibe, a very hostile table. The kicker? Both the bride and groom each got their own photographers and filmmakers for their special night. Eventually, their conflict became our conflict.
They divorced very shortly after.
45. A Little Help Here?
My good friend was marrying a guy who we will call Ned. Ned definitely had a drinking problem that everyone swept under the rug. He promised my friend (the bride) that he would keep it under wraps for the wedding; he made it down the aisle sober, but by the reception, he was binge drinking; by the end of the night, he had completely disappeared. No one could find him.
A few nervous laughs turned into a mild panic when the lights were turned on in an effort to find him that turned out to be fruitless. My husband decided to go look for him in the parking lot—and made a disturbing discovery. He found him–face down in the dirt. He had apparently done some drugs on top of drinking and had got the spins. My husband tried to talk sense into him by reminding him, “This is your wedding dude!”
He got Ned to come inside and accompanied him on the most cringe-worthy walk of shame I’ve ever seen, past the bride’s family members. The worst part about the whole thing? Ned was supposed to be the designated driver! He was supposed to drive himself and the bride 11 miles from the venue to their hotel in the bride’s grandfather’s vintage Corvette.
Ned was too plastered to drive, so the bride’s grandfather drove them. The bride had to sit on the middle armrest with no seatbelt. Grandpa dropped them at the hotel, and the bride barely got the groom up to the room before he passed out on the bed. The bride had to wander the halls looking for someone to help her out of her wedding dress, since her groom was passed out and she couldn’t reach to do it herself.
The word “annulment” was definitely floating around that next morning.
46. Tuxedo Junction
Friend’s wedding. The bride wanted to sing him a song, so she did a kind of karaoke thing. Now, there’s bad singing, and then there’s whatever the heck this was. It was soooo awkward to watch. Also, the dude had asked a professional photographer friend of ours to photograph the wedding about a year before. He got a super non-committal answer and never followed up.
Somehow, he was absolutely SHOCKED that the photographer didn’t show up. I later learned that my friend had also specifically declined the invitation because he was going to be in another country. He also had the entire set of groomsmen rent ridiculously expensive tuxedos. Which is fine. Cool. Happy to be here. We all rent the fanciest tuxes we can find.
Meanwhile, he’s having his tux custom-tailored and asks for something ridiculous and gaudy, but when quoted the price says he can’t swing that and insists that they do it for about a quarter the price. They do their best to meet his specifications within the given price range, but it’s bad. Really bad. So, at the wedding, the groomsmen all look amazing, while the groom looks like a clown that didn’t put on his makeup.
It was probably the cringiest thing I’ve ever seen anywhere, not just the cringiest at a wedding.
47. Willful Ignorance
The first warning sign happened before the wedding when my childhood friend introduced her new fiancé to our friend group. He failed to speak to anyone and had his eyes on his phone the whole night. Then during the wedding ceremony, our friend, who normally wears her heart on her sleeve and cries at the drop of a hat, was oddly unemotional, even through both of their personalized vows.
She kept one eye on the camera and seemed to just be posing the whole time. The couple also had the groom’s family’s priest officiating the wedding—and I still can’t believe what he said. This priest recited a long monologue during the ceremony about how the bride’s life’s purpose now was to make her husband happy and support him by staying home and being a dutiful wife.
This definitely hit a sour note, as the bride was the bread-winner at that time, and was helping to support both him and his parents. But when I spoke to his parents during the reception, they were gushing praises about what the priest had had to say. The marriage lasted about three months.
48. Some Things Just Don’t Mix
I DJ’d a wedding for a couple who were constantly throwing up red flags as to why I shouldn’t DJ their wedding. For example, they kept asking for a discount in exchange for a positive review. I don’t want or need your fake review! Another red flag was when they wanted me to live mix their special dance number.
Now, I’m fine with mixing live. It is what I do professionally, after all. But these two were not professional dancers. In the end, I obeyed their request and they did their dance. It wasn’t entirely smooth, but their family and friends seemed to love it anyway. Immediately after the reception, the groom gave me a tip and they both said I did an amazing job. I thought that was the end of it—I was so wrong.
Cut to the next morning, likely while the bride and groom were still intoxicated. The groom emails me with some “constructive criticism.” A few emails later, he is demanding that I apologize and that he isn’t going to pay me the balance of what I was owed. He then ghosts me. A few days later, the wedding coordinator contacts me to say that I have to give them a discount because they are so mad at how their first dance went.
These two people, who are not professional dancers, who awkwardly pulled off a terrible first dance with nobody who was present knowing how the dance was “supposed” to look, blamed me for…themselves feeling awkward?? I just told the coordinator where I thought the bride and groom should stick their money…
49. From Weird to Worse
I once attended the wedding of a friend of a friend’s. She was a young, super Christian small town naive girl. She meets a much older married man with two kids. She falls in love with him. He does eventually leave his wife for her. He doesn’t want any custody of the kids. He agrees to now marry my friend’s friend.
The wedding was held in her hometown church. His vows were over the top about how he has never felt love before, how she is the only woman that he ever wanted to marry, how he’s been so lonely his whole life until now, etc. He was literally sobbing through it all. Then, her turn to say her vows comes along…and here I thought it couldn’t get any worse.
She’s standing there saying nothing for at least three beats. Then, she is handed a microphone and the piano starts playing. Apparently, she has made up her own song to sing to him in the place of reading her vows. So that was interesting to watch, to say the least. Especially in contrast to the heartfelt spectacle we had all just witnessed.
The levels of awkwardness and cringe were already well on the rise. You could feel them in the air by this point. After the ceremony, we adjourned to the church basement for the drinkless reception. Once there, I’m somehow roped into serving the groom’s cake. It’s two NASCAR car-shaped cakes made with an edible photo draped over it.
It was impossible to cut through the image without mangling the entire cake, so I had to awkwardly peel it off in front of a whole crowd of confused and hungry guests. Meanwhile, my friend is cutting the bride’s cake and is serving it with a full inch or more of decorative icing on top of plain cake. No frosting.
The “buffet” was a potluck from her family. Food you’d expect at a kid’s party. Pink punch was the only option available to drink. There was also no dancing because of her religion. Then they left for their “honeymoon” at the town’s only hotel. This hotel was essentially like a Motel 6 level dump. Nevertheless, they rode there in a fancy two-horse drawn carriage.
50. Some Not-So-Friendly Competition
The most awkward wedding that I’ve ever attended was probably my cousin’s. The food was really bad. And I mean REALLY bad. Things that were supposed to be warm or hot were ice cold and completely undercooked. There was music, but nobody was allowed to dance because “we don’t want people to be distracted by dancing at our wedding.”
There were also no drinks served. Not a single drop. But the worst thing was the seating arrangement. They didn’t plan on families or friends sitting together. I don’t know what they were thinking. I was sitting at a table with complete strangers. They even separated our grandparents from each other. None of us had any idea why.
After an hour, my grandmother stood up, walked over to my grandfather’s table, and they both declared that they were leaving now to the restaurant down the road to have something good to eat. I joined them, as did my parents. It didn’t take too long for people to notice that our seats were empty. It was really easy to figure out, since nobody was allowed to dance or walk around in general.
We soon got a call from one of my uncles asking where we were at. After we explained why we had left, he said “You are right. This is ridiculous!” We ended up with 20 guests from the wedding in that small restaurant having a fun evening together. Let’s just say the couple who got married didn’t invite us back to any other events of theirs any time soon…
51. What a Nut Case!
I was at one wedding where the menu for the reception was advertised as nut-free, coconut-free, and lactose-free in order to accommodate a whole host of allergies among the many guests and children in attendance. Despite all that, the chef for the buffet arbitrarily decided “Contracts can’t tell me what to do!”
He took the liberty of putting nuts in EVERYTHING. There were almonds in the salads, pecans in the desserts, walnuts in the chicken. Nuts everywhere! It got really awkward really fast when the bride found out. See, the bride and all of her sisters have severe, life-threatening nut allergies. As a result of this, she ended up having to eat a take out meal from Burger King at her own wedding.
Meanwhile, her sister, who was eight months pregnant at the time, shot up her epipen and snuck out to rush to the ER with anaphylaxis. The cringey, awkward thing was watching the groom try to soothe and cheer the bride up after all this. It was all kinds of awkward. She was seething with just pure unadulterated rage and the guests could only look on helplessly.
The day was saved some two hours later when the bride and groom’s kids got silly and hyper, distracting the bride from her anger. It was really tense though, to the point where a lot of people left early because they couldn’t handle it anymore.
52. WWE Smackdown Wedding
The worst story was a wedding that went horribly wrong. Even the bride and groom knew it. The bride was this sweet woman, about 10 years older than the groom. She came from a fairly well-off family. But the groom complained about everything during the planning process and was generally rude to the wedding planning staff.
He was just straight-up cruel to his bride though. Like at one point, when we were meeting, I asked after her wedding dress because it was gorgeous. She showed me this amazing dress and he said, straight up, “I don’t know why she picked that one. She looks fat and old in it. Every other woman is going to be more beautiful than her one her wedding day.”
When she explained that her dress was traditional, he just sneered. That should have been enough to end it, but the wedding day was where it all fell apart. I found out later that their marriage didn’t last even a day. From the way the servers tell it, midway through the reception, the groom raised his hand to his new bride.
She flinched and turned away, protecting her face but he grabbed her by the arm and ripped her around. Her mother and aunt were standing three feet from her and lost their minds, realizing what must’ve been happening behind closed doors. The groom’s response to his bride’s mother and aunt was to flip out on them.
So, in the middle of this very big, 600-person wedding, the groom hit his new mother-in-law, a well-respected woman in her community. There was a giant brawl, the authorities showed up, and the couple quickly annulled their marriage.
53. Last-Minute Decisions
I once attended a wedding where the groom abruptly changed who his “Best Man” was, and didn’t tell the original Best Man until the start of the ceremony. When the reception began, the bride and groom then realized that they hadn’t hired a bartender, so they asked a guest to bartend. The groom then “dirty danced” with his step-mom. Yes, his hands were fully on her butt.
The bride and groom then hauled their entire wedding party up to do a choreographed dance to Meatloaf’s “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights,” but apparently had neglected to give them any pre-warning or teach them the dance moves. That song is eight and a half minutes long. Let’s just say the scene was a bit awkward to watch.
The wedding was held at a scenic boarding school campus during the summer. Guests were told that the dormitories were complimentary to stay in. Guests were not told that there would be no bedding provided, nor would there be any A/C in the building. The groom later emailed everyone who had stayed in a dorm asking for money.
54. The Family That Stays Together…
I was working at a hotel during a wedding weekend. One of our staff caught the father of the bride and the groom getting to know each other a little too well. Nothing really came of it. We all had a bit of a giggle and assumed this was some sort of misunderstanding, like maybe there was a family tradition whereby the father of the bride “inspects” his future son-in-law.
At 7:57 PM on the night of the wedding, however, this wedding party went into overdrive. I was bringing a bottle of champagne up to the bride’s room along with some other things we regularly do for a wedding night. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the room as the groom was downstairs and the bride was supposed to be out getting photos taken or something.
Anyway, after I knocked on the door—hotel staff have to, even when we know nobody is in the room—I was in for a surprise. I quickly unlocked the door and walked straight in. The bride had thrown herself over the chair with her wedding dress over her head and the best man was pounding her from behind. I just left the champagne on the ground and left.
That was one seriously messed-up wedding party. But they all tipped well.
55. Born into Disharmony
The couple came to see me by appointment to choose wedding music for their ceremony. There, in the church choir loft, they got into a heated argument over each piece of music under consideration. From the wedding processional to the recessional, there was absolutely zero agreement or willingness to compromise with each other.
To try to bring some harmony, I suggested that the bride choose the organ processional and the groom select the recessional, even though they strongly disagreed with each other—same with other music for the occasion. That worked for the moment. In less than six months, the pastor informed me that the couple was back to see him for counseling, with divorce under consideration.
56. Turning The Other Cheek
When the priest equivalent at a wedding I attended said, “You may kiss the bride,” the groom leaned in for a kiss—and the bride turned her head! What should have been the most romantic kiss of their lives turned into a peck on the cheek. Even as a child, that set off alarm bells for me. They have been divorced now for a long time.
The cake cutting at my wedding with my ex was pretty telling. The whole point is that you each feed the other a bite of cake at the same time, right? Apparently he didn’t get the memo. He held his mouth open for the cake, while just holding the bit meant for me in his hand. I stopped and said, “Where’s mine?” Then he remembered and we did it the right way.
Fast forward 10 years later and he doesn’t want to get a job using the degree I supported him through because he feels I should just support the whole family. And that’s why he’s an ex.
The wedding was semi-destination, about a six-hour drive away, but all of the bride and grooms’ friends drove out there anyway. The reception was a bonfire with free booze and yard games and dancing. However, the new husband disappeared two hours into the six-hour reception…because he was bored. He just went into the house and hung out on his phone watching golf videos and refused to come back out.
He ditched his family and friends along with his bride. They lasted less than two months.
59. Cheaters Smile Biggest
I was photographing the groom and then I saw his eyes light up when one of the wedding guests arrived. When I looked over to see who it was, I knew the marriage wasn’t going to last. It was a cute woman in a short dress. The groom smiled, walked up to the woman, picked her up in his arms, and started swinging her. It was the best smile I captured on the groom all day.
The marriage didn’t last six months from what I’ve heard.
60. From The Mouth Of Babes
I was attending my friend’s wedding once. A judge was officiating the ceremony as my friend and their soon-to-be spouse were getting married at the courthouse. The judge or officiant came around to the part of the ceremony where they ask if anyone believes that the union shouldn’t go forward, someone couldn’t hold their peace. A loud “UH-OH!” came shrieking from the back.
It was my friend’s two-year-old son. Everybody joked that it was a sign. However, less than a year later, the couple got divorced.
61. Mother Of The Groom
I attended a wedding that had one major warning. After the bride and groom collected their wedding gifts, there was an argument. No, it wasn’t over the salt and pepper shakers that they had registered for. The couple began arguing over why the groom’s mother shouldn’t get all of the money given to them on their wedding day. That was a red flag.
62. The Skeletons In The Closet
I used to do be a DJ at weddings. During one wedding, I went to the storage room to grab some gear. When I opened the door, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I walked in on the bride going down on the best man. I immediately closed the door, then thought, “Wait, did that just happen?” and opened the door again. The best man looked like a deer in headlights.
I slammed the door again and went back to my post for the night. My co-worker said, “Don’t say a word! We don’t get paid to get involved. Just collect the check and keep playing music.” I guess then, maybe I was the only one who knew that the marriage wasn’t going to last.
63. Unwelcome Guests
My boyfriend and I went to his female co-worker’s wedding. We used to go dancing with her while she was engaged and her boyfriend was working out on the East Coast. Her fiancé didn’t take kindly to a male co-worker showing up to the wedding—even though they had invited us. I had even gone to her bridal shower! Red with jealousy, the groom sent his dad over to threaten my boyfriend into leaving, because they work in the same industry.
The groom also refused to dance with the bride except for once, for photos. It was so sad because she loved to line dance. They lasted a year.
64. Off To A Great Start
I worked a wedding that should never, ever, have gone ahead. The bride and groom had a big fight the night before their wedding and were considering calling it off. Everyone thought that the wife was going to leave her fiancé at the altar until she showed up just 30 minutes before the ceremony was meant to begin. At the reception, the groom showed his frustration with his new wife.
The groom danced with his MOM more times than he did with his pouty wife. The bride was snippy and nitpicky with the staff all night. The newlyweds even threw around the word “annulment” a few times. I hope to God that they went through with it the next day, because that was a nightmare wedding. No marriage that starts that way could end well.
65. Let’s Call It A Night
I have a few wedding stories from when I worked in a hotel. I came into work when there was a wedding scheduled to go until one in the morning. But by the time that I had arrived at 11 PM, the wedding party was already over. Apparently, the newlyweds had a huge fight and the bride went home with her mom.
66. You Ain’t My Baby’s Daddy
At one of the weddings in the hotel I worked in, a rehearsal dinner turned ugly. The fight erupted in the banquet hall and quickly spilled out into the lobby. We later found out that the bride hated her groom’s parents—and that wasn’t the worst part. The bride was pregnant, and she had no idea who the father was. Half the guest list packed up and checked out the next day. They still got married.
I have a friend who does calligraphy. They had a bride come in to get wedding invites drawn up. The usual wording goes something like, “‘Father’ and ‘Mother’ of ‘Bride’ and ‘Father’ and ‘Mother’ of ‘Groom’ invited you to the wedding of ‘Bride’ and ‘Groom’“. But this bride didn’t want the groom’s parents to be on the invitation. My mate did an invite mock-up and sent it to the couple.
Needless to say, the groom lost it, because his parents were the ones paying for most of the wedding. It turns out they didn’t need those invites after all in the end.
68. Bye, Bye Wifey
I don’t actually work in the wedding industry, but I have helped out a friend who does work in the industry with a few weddings. A few of those weddings I could just tell the couple wasn’t going to make it. At the first wedding, the bride and groom hardly spoke to each other for the entire evening. It was like they had nothing in common.
Then later the groom said, “I’m tired,” and just got up and left. He never came back that evening so his new wife had to see off all of their guests. Funny enough, about a year later, wouldn’t you know it, they had filed for divorce.
69. Saturday Is For The Boys
At a wedding I attended last summer, just before the speeches, the groom went to hang out with his friends for like half an hour. He left his poor bride sitting alone at their table and delaying the speeches. Then, right after the bride and groom cut the cake, he once again went to go hang out with his friends and abandoned his wife. At one point in the evening, he actually went for a drive with his friends for about an hour.
I don’t know why he didn’t just marry his friends.
70. The Biggest Loser
I work as a wedding DJ. I worked a wedding a few years ago where the groom was a total loser. When it was his turn to make a speech, he plainly refused to make one. The bride’s sister had to beg him to just tell the bride she looked beautiful. The loser-groom agreed. He got up, took the mic, mumbled to his bride that she looked beautiful, and then promptly sat back down.
When I left after the wedding ended, I was walking back to my van with some gear when I heard someone crying. It was the bride, sitting to the side all alone and just sobbing to herself. I found out a few days later that the groom had hit her three days before the wedding and he tried to hit her again at the wedding when she confronted him about his excessive drinking. Yikes.
71. Laughing Stock
During the ceremony when the priest started asking the bride, “Do you take this man to be your lawfully-wedded husband?” she just started laughing uncontrollably. She couldn’t stop. It was cute for about ten seconds, and then things got really awkward and uncomfortable. They lasted a year and change. We all kind of knew the only reason they were getting married in the first place was that she was pregnant.
72. How To Dance Your Heart—And Husband—Out
I work for a catering company and we do weddings sometimes. We did this one wedding where I knew the couple was going to be getting a divorce. And soon. After everyone had eaten their dinner and descended onto the dancefloor, the bride was having a great time…with someone who wasn’t her husband. She was grinding on the best man!
The groom, on the other hand, was over in the corner puking his guts out.
73. Mistaken Identity
I worked fine dining/catering for over 20 years, so I’ve worked lots of weddings and receptions. I once heard a bride at the reception during the toasts say that she actually thought she was asking out the groom’s twin brother on their first date. That might have made for a cute story, but this blabbermouth bride just kept going. She went on and on about how this twin was more compatible, etc.—but the worst was yet to come.
She ended the toast by saying, “Well, as nice as you are, you’ll make a great first husband.”
74. Teach Me Your Moves
I work in the wedding industry as a side hobby. I saw this divorce coming from a mile away. A groom came to me with a really strange question. He asked me what I would do if I found out that my fiancé had been doing more than just dancing with her “dance” partner. Seeing as though this was three weeks before the wedding, I just shook my head and walked away.
They lasted all of two months.
75. A Scheduling Conflict
I once witnessed a bride show up almost two hours late to her own wedding. This was in Southern California, in an open field with no water and no shade. She shows up and wants to get married in her yoga outfit. The groom got very angry and shut the whole thing down. When she refused to change her clothes, the groom decided to just leave her there looking stupid and they never got married.
I spoke with my uncle and it turns out that the groom had been having some suspicions that his fiancé was sleeping with her personal trainer. When she showed up to the wedding in her yoga outfit, it was all he needed to see to call off the wedding. She ended up getting married to her personal trainer shortly after, and then they got divorced soon after.
76. One Wedding And One Funeral
The groom stabbed his new brother-in-law…and with the knife used to cut the wedding cake no less. The brother-in-law succumbed to his injuries right there. Well, technically, it happened at the reception, not the wedding. Backstory: About four or five years before the wedding, the wife’s brother had shot her in the leg during an argument. Yes, there was drinking involved.
At the reception, he started loudly telling the guests that he wished he’d shot her in the head instead, at which point the groom got stabby. Drinking was again involved.
77. Mama’s Boy
I bake wedding cakes for a living. I own my own bakery now, but have also worked in a country club kitchen, doing basically the same thing. I’ve seen couples who clearly weren’t going to make it from as early as the tasting/consultation or the wedding day itself. There are a few stories—or should I call them nightmares—that come to mind.
I once had a Mama’s boy who ignored his wife when they were supposed to be having their cake tasting. It was so weird. He was cuddling with his mother and he was even hand-feeding her cake samples. His mother was not supposed to be there in the first place, and you could tell that the bride was livid. By the end of it, he had kissed his mother on the lips multiple times. Divorce.
78. One Ring To Rule Them All
I worked wedding receptions before and saw some marriages that really could only end one way. One of my favorites was a pretty harmless situation, but it showed how much this couple probably didn’t care for one another. Less than just three hours after saying their “I dos,” the bride lost her ring. Either she didn’t love the guy, or she wanted a bigger diamond.
79. Let’s Have A Bonfire
Bridezillas are usually the ones tearing up their reception parties. But in the case of this ill-fated marriage, it was the groom’s mother. I wouldn’t exactly say that she was protective of her son, because what she did at the reception party was pretty dangerous. She didn’t like her son’s new bride or her family so she lit the table on fire. I’m assuming their marriage also went up in smoke.
80. Mama Knows Best
I’m a musician and the son of a wedding photographer. I’ve actually played in a band whose leader actually took two deposits for the same couple. The groom’s mother paid one deposit for the wedding and then laid down another deposit for the divorce party. She said, and I quote, “I give it six months.” Her math was a little off, but she was right.
Nine months later, there we were, and there she (the bride) wasn’t.
81. The Honeymoon Is Over
I knew this couple from years ago. It was obvious that they were in trouble when they frowned during most of the ceremony. But the real wedge in their union came after their reception. The couple skipped out on a honeymoon because they couldn’t agree on a destination. They had plenty of money—just no desire to compromise. I doubt they’re still together.
82. This I Swear
At the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s mom was in tears. She thought that her son “looked miserable.” Truth be told, he was and we all knew it. During the exchange of vows, the bride basically doomed their marriage to failure. She had written her own vows and they weren’t words of comfort and love. She said, “I know I can be a pretty terrible person, and I don’t know why you’ve stuck around, but that’s all going to change starting today!”
They were divorced a year later.
83. Don’t Let Them Eat Cake
Many years ago, I had a side hustle making cakes. I would often get orders for wedding cakes. Long story short, I came face to face with a real bridezilla. This bride threw a full-fledged stompy-footed tantrum and locked herself in my bathroom. She refused to come out because the groom was “unreasonably insisting” on having a say in what the cake flavor was going to be.
If I recall correctly, she was about 22. Can’t imagine that marriage lasted any longer than a cake at a birthday party.
84. No Love Lost
Oh, I’ve got some stories. I photographed this awful couple once. She was a sour cow and barely cracked a smile all day. She was following her poor husband around nagging him all the time. She stayed after saying, “Maaaark! Get my shoes! Maaaark! Where’s my bag? Maaaark!” He looked completely miserable and barely spoke all day.
At one point we asked them to kiss for a photo. Her response was chilling. She said: “Oh, we’re not that kind of couple.” You mean, one that loves each other?
85. Who Are You Calling Chicken?
I catered weddings for a year or so. I have a ton of crazy stories of marriages that were definitely going to end in divorce but there are just a few. I encountered a bridezilla who screamed at our serving team for serving too much chicken and not leaving enough for her. We tried to be understanding, but it was three hours after dinner service. I just wanted to go home.
The groom must have known that he had just married a monster because when she was throwing her prehistoric creature-like tantrum, he was nowhere to be found.
86. Holy, Mother Of The Bride
At a wedding I catered, it was the bride’s mom who was the real piece of work. She kept aggressively flirting with one of our chefs. It’s kind of hard to blame her; he was a very good-looking, 6’3” tall Italian stud. The poor bride had to pull her mother away from the kitchen a few times, causing a fun argument between her mom and dad.
Eventually, the bride started crying. I knew the marriage wouldn’t last when the groom disappeared to go take a few shots instead of comforting his wife.
87. It’ll Cost You
A friend of mine ran a country club. A demanding couple wanted to rent the whole place on Valentine’s Day for their wedding. Of course, the price for everything on Valentine’s Day was double the usual, because you know, it’s Valentine’s Day. Florists, caterers, DJs, all double. And they had all kinds of weird requests. Like wanting the entree to be steak carved into heart shapes.
It basically would’ve been cheaper to end world hunger than to throw this wedding, but they went ahead anyway. Unfortunately, the bride made herself sick even before the couple arrived at the country club. They canceled everything.
88. Too Young For Love
The night before a wedding I was supposed to work, something crazy happened. It was so obvious that this marriage wasn’t going to make it. The bride-to-be tried to sleep with me on her stag night. She cried on my shoulder, saying that she wasn’t ready for marriage. Even my 18-year-old hormonal brain said, “NOPE!” Her marriage lasted a year.
89. Betting Odds
I attended a wedding where they might as well have just signed the divorce papers before throwing the bouquet. The groom looked like he had had too much to drink and the bride seemed incredibly angry. Then there was this woman walking around during the reception placing bets on when they would divorce. I later found out she was the mother of the groom.
90. Or Forever Hold Your…Mistress!
I didn’t know if I should laugh, cry or cringe when I attended this wedding. Somehow, the groom’s mistress—big no, no right there—found out he was getting married. Instead of letting the bride have her day, the mistress showed up at the wedding. Right in the middle of the “I dos,” she walked straight up the aisle, right on stage, and slapped the groom in the face.
91. Marriage Ain’t No Bed Of Roses
This isn’t my story, it’s my little brother’s. He worked in catering for a bit after he graduated from college. He told me about this wedding that he had worked that turned pretty ugly. The bride and groom disagreed over the flowers for the tables. The bride wanted lilacs and the groom wanted roses. The bride won out in the end, but she ended up getting into a fistfight with her groom over it. I would have opted for tulips.
92. Haste Makes Marriage A Waste
A long time ago, I worked as a wedding planner/caterer, depending on what the client needed. I got a call from this woman on a Monday morning. I could practically hear the excitement in her voice. Her boyfriend had proposed the day before, on Sunday, and she wasn’t wasting any time. She told me that she wanted to get married that Saturday.
93. I Can’t Even Bare To Look At You
I used to moonlight as a musician for hire in college. I did more than a few weddings and saw many that raised an eyebrow but there’s one that really stood out as rough. At the wedding, the groom was super emotional and smiling when the bride first appeared at the church doors to walk down the aisle. The bride, on the other hand, was more interested in “holla-ing” at her family and friends as she made her way down the aisle.
I don’t think she looked at the groom once on her way down. The groom’s whole expression just dropped as she got closer. It was like she had no interest in the man she was about to marry.
94. Why You Shouldn’t Write Your Own Vows
At one wedding, the bride rewrote the wedding vows, and I have to think that she wanted the marriage to fail. The bride had the minister put “Until death, or divorce, do us part,” into the ceremony. That’s less a red flag and more a giant, blinking “STOP!” sign.
95. Why Not Keep What You’re Missing?
I was reunited with a family member just before her wedding. We went out drinking, and she proudly pointed out a guy at the bar that she’d just gone on a trip with and had a weeklong prenup romp. She seemed to think I’d think that was naughty and funny. I just felt bad for her future husband, but figured it was just a bad choice.
The day of the wedding, I went to see her in the bridal suite. That’s when. Imade a disturbing discovery. She had the guy there with her. She’d screwed him the night before the wedding. They lasted a few years, but it was a miserable few.
96. A Man Of The World
I used to videotape weddings, so I’ve seen it all. This one couple from New Jersey was the spitting image of two characters from the show Jersey Shore. They were super into appearances and very over-the-top gaudy. During their church ceremony, they had their very awkward 60-year-old uncle put on a culturally-appropriated costume, stand up, and chant around the church, giving what I can only assume was some kind of blessing.
It was so weird, inappropriate, and out of place. I assume they wanted to seem “deep” during their ceremony. They mixed some multicolored sand together in a vase, too!
97. The Future Is Not Set in Stone, But Smoke
Well, it wasn’t so much only the wedding, even though I was the best man at it; it was obvious the whole relationship was doomed when I learned that the bride demanded before they got married that the groom quit smoking pot. That was basically his whole “thing,” and she was strenuously anti-substance use. He had no intention of doing so, but was convinced he could hide it from her.
So, starting out with a lie, and one that was bound to be found out. Also, he was horrible at hiding it from her. They were divorced nine months later, after she caught him lighting up in his car in the driveway. So stupid, the whole thing. Why people get into these relationships, I have no idea.
98. Together Again
I once attended a wedding in the United States. This was both the bride and groom’s fourth marriages. To each other. Yes, they got married to each other four times and divorced each other three of those times. They picked a dirty motorcycle bar for the venue of their fourth wedding. They were openly giving young children adult drinks, then laughing at them for being intoxicated.
Things were weird enough to begin with, but they soon reached a whole new level of insanity. I asked my friend if I could leave after the bride pulled a knife out of her dress and tried to stab the groom with it for having slept with another woman while they were divorced. I’m not sure if this is common in New Jersey. Other weddings I attended while in the USA were not like that…
99. Clean-Up In Aisle One
The groom said in his speech, “When I joined a dating agency, I never thought I’d be so lucky as to find my own personal cook, dishwasher, and washing machine.” Not only is that a terrible way to describe ANYONE, he’s in for a nasty surprise when he realizes his wife is actually a complete diva and will expect him to do all those things for her! Bad relationship all around.
100. Last Call
The bride got so drunk at the wedding that the bar stopped serving drinks before midnight in an effort to cut her off. The groom was also drunk. People started leaving at midnight, and the bride got mad and yelled about how they were all “ruining” her wedding because she wanted to dance and drink more, but they all wanted to leave.
I was their designated driver to get them to their hotel. The entire drive there, they fought. She berated him; he cried. That was a long 20-minute drive. I could have scrubbed vomit out with cleaners, but the awkwardness has stained that car forever.
101. Love Is An Open Door
Groom got so drunk at the reception he passed out in the honeymoon suite by himself, but not before he latched the door so it couldn’t be unlocked from the outside. Seeing the bride kicking the door and hollering at the top of her lungs to be let in at 3 am was not encouraging. They divorced like two years later.
102. Script Change
My father is a retired judge. Many years ago, he performed a rather unusual wedding. During the rehearsal dinner, rather than saying “I do,” the groom asked if he could make any positive statement. My dad said yes, but didn’t ask what the groom intended to say instead. Well, the big moment came on the wedding day, and he never expected the groom to say what he did.
Instead of “I do,” he yelled, “I like fat chicks!” My dad looked at the bride in shock, but apparently, she just had a vacant expression (my dad’s words) and appeared not to be at all bothered. So, my dad pulled himself together and finished the wedding. We have no way to know if they’re still married, but I’d bet they’re not.
103. Two Funerals And A Wedding
My uncle and his wife had a few bad omens both before and during their wedding. Firstly, there was a series of tragedies; the bride’s mother passed, shortly followed by the priest who was supposed to perform the wedding! Secondly, we received our invitations a little more than a week before the event, so everything was pretty rushed, apparently.
Events hit their peak when my cousin nearly got physical with a member of the wife’s family DURING the wedding. An all-out brawl was narrowly avoided. My uncle pinned all the blame on my cousin (his daughter) although both parties were clearly in the wrong. Now, they barely speak to each other.
104. Blast From The Past
Got invited to a wedding of an ex-girlfriend. There was one of those cheesy dollar dance things where bride and groom shake down the crowd for more money. Fine, I suck it up and dance with the ex for a fiver. During the dance, she whispers, “This should have been you.” Freak-out time. I left very quickly after that. Needless to say, they didn’t last.
105. A Cell Phony
I went to a wedding where the bride got drunk and the groom picked up her phone to discover that she had been sending racy messages to a coworker throughout the entire wedding. He told the officiant to not file the paperwork. This occurred towards the end of the reception, as they were leaving to go to the honeymoon suite. The story is that she was very drunk.
Her phone kept getting notifications so he decided to pick it up for her. They did not go on their honeymoon and they returned the gifts to everyone. The guests weren’t told about what happened for a couple of weeks, as the bride was trying everything she could to save the relationship. Regardless, it was a great reception!
106. Change of Heart
Amazingly, I saw the groom himself object. He just stood up there and started crying, then announced in front of everyone that he had fallen out of love with the bride a while before but didn’t know how to break it off. It was extremely uncomfortable, and they both stepped out. Ten minutes later, they came back in and got married—because she’d apparently told him she was pregnant.
They’re still together, with three kids now. I’m not sure about the husband, but I can confirm that the wife is having an affair. Neither of them are happy, but she has a comfortable life and he doesn’t have the spine to leave.
107. I Now Pronounce You Co-Beneficiary and Wife
My sister-in-law’s first wedding. Never really liked the groom from the first time I met him. After a year or so, he proposed. They started planning their wedding that was to take place in a year. But then, on whim, they get married in a civil ceremony with plans to still have the big ceremony later in the year. A few months after the civil ceremony, the groom goes in for heart surgery, for a bad valve he’s had since he was born.
The big ceremony finally comes except every major aspect of it has been stripped away. Less than a year into the marriage, my sister-in-law brings me a credit card bill and asks me if she knows what this $600 charge her husband has on it. A little internet research and I find that he’s tipping cam girls. They’re officially divorced about a year after that.
In retrospect, it became obvious what had happened. My sister-in-law was grifted for a new heart valve. He didn’t have the insurance at his job to cover the surgery, so he convinced her to marry him—earlier than expected—to get on her insurance, get the heart surgery, and then split.
108. Missed Encounters
At a wedding of a college friend of my husband’s, we learned that the bride (his old friend) had been in love with him for over a decade. We learned this from the women at our table at the reception. We introduced ourselves while we waited for the bride and groom to arrive. They were horrified that we were there—and extremely worried.
My husband had NO idea that she had feelings for him. She bee-lined right for our table after the “introducing Mr & Mrs” thing—ignoring her family and leaving her husband standing alone. She clung to my husband and sobbed—lifting her head to glare at me. She had to be pulled off of him.
She repaired herself, then followed us as we tried to leave quietly—her parting shot was to stare at my chest and say, “Well I guess I know what I was missing all along!” Her new husband was in shock and my husband was horrified and embarrassed—he was completely clueless and would never have gone to the wedding if he’d know she was obsessed with him. It was bizarre.
109. Leaving So Soon?
When I was in college studying photography, I got friendly with a fellow student who had a wedding photography business but was still studying to get his qualifications. After seeing my work, he asks me if I want to assist him at his next wedding. I agree to do so. The big day finally comes and I’m all prepared to go in and see the groom, the best man, the ushers, and a bunch of other participants to get some pre-event photos of them getting ready and whatnot.
To my surprise, the groom refused to be in any pictures, stating that he was feeling under the weather. I kinda thought he should just suck it up. It was his wedding day, after all. Nevertheless, he was insistent, so no pre-event photos were taken of him. A little while later, the ceremony comes and goes. It’s now time for the bridal party photos at the church.
Once again, the groom refuses to be in any photos, much to everyone’s annoyance. We all get to the reception, the speeches begin, and, midway through the father of the bride’s speech, the groom just straight up leaves. He once again repeats the fact that he was feeling a bit ill. This is where the bride drew the line—she went into a full-on rage. She started pulling the small groom and bride figurines off the top of the cake and stomping on them.
She shouted, “I knew I shouldn’t have married him!” There was a lot of hullabaloo at this point, with guests trying to console her. Everyone agreed that he was being dramatic and was basically a huge jerk. We got paid in full even though at that point we were done. I go home, put my feet up, drink a few beers, and then answer an unexpected phone call from my friend.
I was expecting him to just be calling to joke around a little bit more about how crazy that wedding had just been. Not even close. In reality, he was calling to inform me that the groom had passed on shortly after leaving the reception hall, and that our photo job would now be turning into a two-for-one wedding and funeral service.
110. The Mystery Groom
I have a friend who is a wedding photographer. She’s a rather busy and expensive one at that, so people usually book her a year in advance. So, she had a bride come in and book a wedding date. She paid the deposit and everything—nothing unusual here yet. The bride confirmed the venue, which was also pricey, and had general discussions with my friend about the style that she wanted, etc.
They had regular meetings over the following months but, strangely, the groom was never there. My friend shrugged it off—it’s a bit unusual, but not unheard of for grooms to skip out on wedding plans. Four weeks before the wedding, however, my friend and this bride have a meeting to lock down all the details, but still no groom. When my friend finally asked about this missing groom, she learned the disturbing reason why he hadn’t shown up.
As it turns out, the bride wasn’t even engaged. Maybe she has a long-term boyfriend and was planning a surprise wedding? No. It turns out that she doesn’t have a boyfriend or any other guy in mind at all. But she prayed about it and God told her to trust that He will provide a groom for her. In the end, not surprisingly, no groom magically materialized, and there was no wedding.
So, in that case, the marriage lasted exactly zero minutes and we were all sure that it wasn’t going to work out. In fact, at the time we had some running jokes about her meeting a guy on a date and asking him if he wants to go to a wedding with her next weekend. Talk about moving too fast.