Respect. Is that too much to ask? Apparently for some people it is. There are many situations when family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers cross the line. Some situations are worse than others, and some are just downright bizarre. Below are some of the most disrespectful things people have had happen to them in their own homes.
1. At Any Cost
My brother-in-law lived with us for a while so we could help him out. He lived rent-free for almost a year and then gave us a small amount for rent thereafter. While he was with us, he rearranged everything in our kitchen without asking, unscrewed the garage security light, stained our carpet and our walls with motor oil, printer ink, and something that bleached the carpet.
He purchased and disassembled large electronics and left the pieces he didn’t want scattered throughout the garage. He seemed put out when I asked him to clean it up. He would be late on paying the rent we asked for, and then would return home with the random things he’d purchased that day, and would even sometimes have the gall to show me what he’d bought.
He would leave the garage lights on and deny that he’d done so. He made me pay him to leave because he knew that we couldn’t evict him. Then, on the day he agreed to leave, he dug in his heels and demanded even more money to get out. He seemed surprised that I wasn’t pleasant with him after the fact. It was worth every penny. Good riddance, and never again.
2. Social Media Snobs
My brother brought a few friends over after a party. We weren’t prepared for guests but rushed to clean up before everyone came. We told my brother to make sure everyone stayed downstairs and used the downstairs bathroom since the upstairs one was cluttered. While the party was going on, I went to use the bathroom upstairs and the door was locked.
I banged on the door and out popped two girls with suspicious looks on their faces. I went inside and my jaw dropped. EVERYTHING was open: the closet, the shower, the cabinet. They were just rifling through our stuff. It turns out they were recording and taking photos of themselves reacting to different products and our shower in a very mean girl way.
We had just moved in and hadn’t yet redone the bathroom. The home previously belonged to an elderly couple who hadn’t updated it since the 60s. We live in a high-income town and these girls came from much wealthier homes than ours. They took pictures and videos basically mocking our house and products after we graciously let them into our home. It was beyond violating and disrespectful.
3. Party Pukers
I hosted a party once and my friends came over, but two had already had several drinks each. No one told me, and they were acting really sober. Later, I found out what was really going on. They were having a competition. They continued to drink through the night and a couple of my more straight-laced friends were leaving. I showed those guys out, and when I came back downstairs I watched one of the tipsy friends just fall out of her chair.
The rest of the night was spent monitoring her to see if we should call an ambulance. Another person puked all over my bathroom, literally everywhere but the toilet, and passed out on the couch where another friend just held a spit bucket for him for about three hours. We pulled the heavily intoxicated friend outside where she barfed about 10 times. It was awful. I was mad but just glad they were okay and thankful for all the help my not passed-out friends were.
4. Left Unattended
A relatively new friend of my partner’s came over because she and her husband were fighting. Before she arrived, we had colored our hair and left her alone to watch TV while we rinsed our hair. When we were done, she and my partner went onto the patio to talk. Fast forward 45 minutes later, her speech got weird, and she started falling asleep. The realization only hit us later.
Right after we called an ambulance, we found out that she’d taken an entire bottle of my son’s medication.
5. Late Night Losers
I invited about 15 friends over for a party at my house and late into the night, we were having so much fun that anyone who wanted to stay over, did. We were watching movies, playing card games, and roughhousing. At 2 am most of us were winding down and trying to go to sleep. Three of my guests went into the common area a few yards away from the rest of us.
They stayed up all night on their phones and iPads, watching racy videos, playing music, laughing, and joking. Eventually, my mother (who was sleeping literally behind the wall they were making the noise from) got fed up and told them all to put it away and go to bed. They put headphones on but still didn’t go to sleep.
The next morning, the three people who had stayed up were passed out on the carpet and all around them were wrappers from almost every snack and sweet in our entire house. They emptied three tubs of ice cream, half a cake, all of our chips, cheese sticks, puddings…EVERYTHING. Thankfully they didn’t empty our cereal and bread stash so we were still able to make everyone breakfast. We don’t talk anymore and I haven’t invited them to social gatherings since.
6. Video Game Violator
I had just shipped a roller coaster video game. It was a pretty quick and simple project, but I was happy with how it turned out and the fans seemed to like it. My wife had some guests over, who I had never met before. She thought they might like to see the game. One guy started totally trashing it. So I kind of awkwardly laughed at first and was like, “Yeah. We didn’t have the budget to do everything we wanted.”
He kept laying into the game, saying things like, “Look at that animation. What were those idiots thinking? Can you believe they thought anyone would actually pay money for this garbage?” Again, I had only just met this guy. But now he’s standing in my own living room, trashing something I just spent a year working on. I knew the game wasn’t some glorious work of art, but this level of disrespect was just baffling. I walked out, and my wife made sure I never had to encounter that character again.
7. Christmas Catastrophe
I invited a very close friend over for Christmas dinner the first year after our daughter was born. My wife and I lived in a very small ranch-style house. After a lengthy discussion with my friend about what he could bring to dinner, we settled on a salad. We were pretty clear on time and length of stay since at that time we had a six-month-old baby.
He showed up 45 minutes late, with a new girlfriend who we had never met and had no idea about. She thought it would be okay to bring her old, aggressive, large dog, who terrorized our beagle and elderly chihuahua. Her dog then peed right on our one nice rug and they didn’t clean it up. She didn’t even apologize. And then there was the cherry on top.
They didn’t even bring the salad they said they were going to, and they stayed until 11 pm. My wife went to bed an hour before they left, but they simply did not get the hint. I was shocked at their behavior since this was my oldest friend. Not anymore though…
8. Pizza With Extra Toppings
I was 18 and living in my dad’s house with his new wife after he got married. I invited a local friend to stay with me for a week. She invited another friend. No problem so far. However, I had leftover pizza in the fridge and came home one night after work looking forward to eating it. I opened the pizza box. Yes, the pizza was gone…but that wasn’t why I nearly screamed in terror.
See, not only was the pizza gone but there was also a used maxi pad in the box. WHY.
9. Not So Sweet 16
At my 16th birthday party, a girl who I had been friends with for my entire childhood said she wasn’t feeling well and while the party was going on, she went up to my bedroom to sleep. Later that night, she came back down to announce that she had a new boyfriend out of nowhere! MINE, who was on vacation with his family. She had been texting him the entire night.
10. Be Right Back…
I had a small gathering of about six to eight people. There were some co-workers and some friends, and there were drinks involved. My husband, myself, and another person stepped outside to have a smoke, and when we came back inside we found the other people staring at a couple who were stark naked and doing it on our couch.
11. Halloween Hurl
We had our first “big” Halloween party in our new place. We had all the food and drinks for everyone and invited a handful of friends. My one friend asked to invite her new-ish boyfriend to the house. She brought him a six-pack, and when he showed up, he drank another six-pack himself. He spent most of the evening staring daggers at another guest and drinking all the drinks they had brought for him.
Once that was gone, he started rummaging through our fridge. We had to ask him to leave the fridge and maybe have water. We all sat down to play an “adult game” after the kids went to bed and he got up in the middle of it and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. When he got out, he went out to his car and came back in wearing a different shirt with noticeable vomit spots on it.
We asked him if he got sick and he said no. I went to go to the bathroom a few minutes later and noticed all down the hallway there was puke leading to the bathroom, and everywhere in the bathroom. I yelled, “What the heck!?” So my husband came to see what was up. We spent a good amount of time away from our party cleaning up another adult’s barf. Once that was done, we confronted him.
Thankfully, a couple of our good friends were bigger guys and tried to help defuse the situation. The guy got instantly offended and belligerent and just refused to admit it was him. He even tried to pin it on the kids. He ended up threatening my husband and friends and we ended up calling law enforcement. He was very scary, especially for someone we had just met! Thankfully, they took him away and most of us never saw him again.
12. Weekend Intruder
My boyfriend’s friend and his girlfriend flew in for the weekend. It started off with all of us working from home and the girlfriend snapping at us anytime we talked. Anytime she said she was hungry, it was implied we need to make her something. She didn’t say thank you or clean up in any way, shape, or form. She started spinning cat hair she would find from my cat between her toes.
I found cat hair yarn for weeks around the house. She wasn’t happy with our guest room and tried to sleep in our room instead. She was upset when she walked in when I was sleeping, and found me in my own bed. Towards the end, she was actively trying to start a fight with my boyfriend by instigating him in an assortment of topics. Her behavior was absolutely bizarre and we didn’t quite understand what was happening. Still don’t.
13. Don’t Mess With My Dog
I had a high school party with 10-15 fairly close friends and a few friends of friends. People were in multiple rooms, playing games, watching movies, doing whatever. A few hours in, the friends of friends were nowhere to be found. I go looking for them. I had specifically told everyone that upstairs was off-limits since my parents’ room had some fragile valuables that I didn’t want anyone messing around with.
I went up there to find that all three of them are messing around with my dog. One was holding an airsoft pistol from my room, another had my dog in a headlock in the corner of the room, and the third one was trying his best to scare the absolute bejeezus out of her. Needless to say, I lost it. I kicked them all out immediately. The friend who invited them was trying to defend them, while I spent the rest of the night with my dog, who had welts from mistreatment.
I cut ties with said friend who invited them because she insisted that what they did “wasn’t that bad.”
14. Coffee Anyone?
One New Years’ Eve we hosted a family party. Two elementary-age boys were having a disagreement of sorts, as kids do. It was hot and cold, fighting one minute, the next being best friends. The problem was they were the only sons of two single mothers. A little while later, the kids were in a bounce house with a few other children and their fight was forgotten.
Except, well, one of the moms went to the bounce house enraged over the ongoing conflict and threw a hot coffee on the opposing boy. Fortunately, it didn’t scald the boy, but we had to kick the mom out.
15. A Total Fake
A girl I considered one of my closest friends at the time wanted to crash at my place after a night out. We come in, she immediately lies on the couch and starts fake sleeping. Within actual seconds. I poke her, give her a shake, she does nothing. It’s very clear she was pretending but I was too inebriated to care, so I went to bed. This girl was well known for fake fainting and fake falling for attention and I couldn’t be bothered entertaining it.
Shortly after, she took money from my bag, money from my mom’s bag, some heirloom family earrings, and also the lipstick I’d been wearing that night for some reason. The worst part was she climbed out of the window, leaving it wide open for my inside cat to be able to get out. We found the cat later that day, but when I messaged her, she accused my mom of doing it.
16. Half-Hearted Housesitters
My girlfriend and I went away for a week and a half and a friend of ours volunteered to housesit and take care of our pets (two cats and two lizards). We made sure they knew what to do and wrote a care sheet for each animal, outlining what was needed to keep the animals healthy while we were away. Feed the cats, clean their litter, chop up veggies for the lizards and feed them bugs, and give the lizard a quick bath if she poops because she’ll definitely run around in it.
After we ran our friend through the daily care routine, we said our goodbyes and went away. When we came back, our apartment looked nice, but there was a HEAVY scent of cat urine all over the apartment, and when I checked on my lizard, she had poo all over her underside. Not cool. Bearded dragons have salmonella in their poo, and this meant she ran a risk of getting very sick if she ran over her food.
We ended up having to take her to the vet and spend $300 for tail rot and to check for food poisoning. The cat litter was literally solid. Our one cat was so fed up with the amount of excrement in the litter that we saw him peeing on the floor, which had never happened before, or since this incident. It was clear to us that he did next to nothing to care for our pets like he promised he would.
17. Judgement Day
I had just gotten my first apartment and I had scrounged up all of my money to buy some decent furniture. I wanted to invite my closest friends over and make them a home-cooked meal. All of my furniture had just arrived on the same day, so I thought it was perfect. I prepared spaghetti for them and invited them all over. After dinner, my friend proceeded to lift up her feet on the head of my brand new couch and pick her toes and the dry skin on her feet on my first ever couch.
I wanted the earth to swallow me up. She also proceeded to make fun of me for “doing cheap things” and judged me for doing stuff like couponing. She made me feel really terrible.
18. Constant Complainer
My sister’s boyfriend was extremely disrespectful to my parents and sister. He was staying at my parents’ house because my sister inadvertently got him kicked out of his aunt’s house. She felt bad, so she asked my parents to let him stay for some time until they could find other living arrangements. He brought over all his stuff and made himself right at home quickly.
He set up his Xbox in the living room and played all day because he didn’t have a job. He’s 27. He would constantly complain about the Internet being laggy and would tell anyone who was listening that our Internet was terrible. He would constantly take an entire loaf of pepperoni bread, fill it with cheese, bake it, eat some, and then throw the rest away, and literally screamed at my mother that she was disrespecting him when she called his music “screamo.”
He and my sister shared a room right next to mine, and at night I could hear him singing to her. Not so bad except he proclaimed that he was incredibly talented and never missed a chance to mention it. The best part about his stay was when he told me that aliens were on Earth, helped build the pyramids, and altered our DNA so that we would evolve faster.
19. The Wok That Broke The Camel’s Back
My wife and I let my sister stay with us after my folks finally kicked her out. She had to be about 18-19 at the time. She was to watch our toddler while we were at work. When we got home, we often had to clean up the kitchen and most of the house because she was a slob who couldn’t be bothered to clean up her messes or our son’s.
It came to a head one day when my wife discovered among all the left-out food and dishes that my sister had browned some ground beef in her brand-new wok using a fork. The wok was scarred and scratched beyond belief. My wife freaked for a second and asked her why she did that. A couple of minutes later, my sister walked up to me in a huff and yelled, “You better talk to that wife of yours.”
She went on for several minutes, calling my wife all kinds of names and threatening what she would do if my wife says anything else to her. She had the nerve to look surprised when I calmly told her to get her stuff because she wasn’t spending another night at our house.
20. Twisted Sister
My sister used to stop over, drink my beer, and take my wife’s clothes. She would make a mess, then leave. We changed the locks so she couldn’t get in. She would then take my parents’ key to get in, so we stopped giving them one and somehow she’d still get in. She was like a darn cockroach. We have since moved far out of her visiting range.
21. Bad Deal
A friend of a friend crashed a party at our house. He proceeded to tell everyone that he was a dealer and that he could get them the best product. He hit on all of the married women who had not brought their husbands, punched the friend who brought him over, and drove home intoxicated and impaired. He is the only person I have banned from my house.
22. Cake Anyone?
This couple sat down at the table with a cake that had not been served yet. They each took a fork and started to eat it. They were not cutting the cake into a piece for themselves, but rather going back and forth with forks to mouths and back to cake, smacking and slurping. Needless to say, no one else wanted any cake after that, and I did not have them over again.
23. Bender Relations
A “friend” asked to stay with me for a few days because she was having relationship problems. Turns out, the real story was a doozy. The “relationship problems” were all due to the fact she had a massive habit and her boyfriend was fed up with her spending all their money on it. The first night she invited five people who I didn’t know to come over after I’d gone to bed and I had to work the next day.
Then she disappeared for three days and I had her boyfriend calling me worried sick and nobody knew where she was. When she finally turned up, she called me a bad friend for not covering for her.
24. Total Butt-Hole
Someone who was over at my house went through a whole twenty-four pack by himself. The next day I found nearly two dozen half-empty cans all over the house. The worst part was he was dropping his ashy butts on the carpeted floor. The morning after, he woke up and just dipped out while everybody else was cleaning up. He never got invited back.
25. Doormat Dweebs
Back in the day when I used to have people over at my house, I would estimate that at least 40% of them would walk in and just step over the doormat. They would then proceed to step onto the runner rug that’s just beyond the doormat and wipe their feet on the runner, instead of the doormat. I never understood what would compel a person to do that.
26. A Bloody Mess
Someone invited her boyfriend of one week over, without asking if it was alright first. It went even worse than you’d expect. He proceeded to get intoxicated and throw up all over my back deck. He cut his ankle open while thrashing about and started dripping blood everywhere. As I was trying to put a bandaid on him, the girlfriend had the audacity to tell me he doesn’t “like” bandaids.
I said, “Too bad” and put it on him anyway. The rest of us angrily waited for his brother to come and pick both of them up.
27. Foot Fixation
Oh man, my friend hosted a sleepover for some friends, and one of the guests apologized for their feet because they had just done one of those foot mask things. The soles of their feet were PEELING EVERYWHERE. Only after we suggested “maybe put some socks on so you don’t leave a trail of dead skin everywhere” did she do something about it.
28. In And Out
I invited a friend to “pre-drink” at my parents’ house. We were in our 20s so my parents were fine with it. He showed up completely obliterated, and while my parents were there he dropped a small baggie of white powder in front of them. He then proceeded to ask where the washroom was. Needless to say, my parents sent him packing. I had no idea about his habit, just for the record.
29. Planter Problem
When I was in college and living at my dad’s house still, he would go out of town every other week or so. I had some friends over when I had the place to myself one night. A friend of a friend put her smoke out in the flower boxes that were full of mulch/soil that were hanging from the windows by the back porch. It smoldered overnight and started a fire. I woke up to the house filled with smoke and a charred-up back door.
I love puzzles and own a decent collection of wooden ones that are used as decorations in the guest bedroom. A guest who was sleeping over once made a horrifying decision. They thought it would be a good idea to dismantle every single one of the puzzles, mix all of their pieces together, and leave them in a pile for me to find the next day. This happened years ago and remembering it still gets me mad.
31. Room Invader
I remember being in my freshman year of college when my roommate’s best friend charged in (we didn’t usually lock the door, although I started after this) unannounced while I was changing. They started yelling about it. I was like, “Gee, what was I thinking? Changing my clothes in my room? Please accept my humblest apology, good ma’am.”
32. Mom’s Maniac Mooches
Every time I invite my mother to come to birthday parties for one of my kids, or if I’m having a bbq, she fills her car with a bunch of people I have no idea who they are and they invade the place like they are at battle. They eat all the food and just destroy my home with their crazy antics. Some people have such a sense of entitlement that I will just never understand.
33. Bye Bye BAE
My dad’s ex-girlfriend brought her two sons to our house for the first time. I was 11 at the time and they were both around five-seven years old. They kept throwing my stuff around and they even managed to break our microwave. Their mom couldn’t control them so my dad just kicked them out of the house and I never saw the girlfriend or the sons ever again.
I had my cousin staying with me for two weeks visiting. I came home from work one of the days and found my guest bedroom and living room had been rearranged. I asked her why she felt the need to move MY house around. Her response made my blood boil. She said it looked better and I should thank her. She hasn’t stayed with me again. Our other family also won’t let her stay with them after they heard what she did.
When I was in elementary school, every year I would have a Christmas party where I’d invite my friends over and decorate cookies. A lot of times, they would bring their younger siblings. One year all of my LEGOS were destroyed. I had to rebuild my hours and hours of work. Plus, pieces were missing! The LEGO sets were up high, so I have no idea how any of the kids got to them. After that, I stopped having Christmas parties.
36. Blind Faith
My fiance and I allowed this girl, who was my friend at the time, and a guy she was hanging out with stay with us. The guy was blind from diabetes so we were basically helping them. The guy was very nice and respectful, no issues with him. However, I caught the girl trying to take our money, as well her friend’s. She would also wear my clothes with no underwear or bra.
In the end, after we sent them back home, she came back and said my fiance made her uncomfortable, yet she was able to be almost naked around him and try and take our stuff.
37. Heading Out The Door
I let a friend of mine stay with me one night when she got into a fight with her husband and just needed space. I told her I worked early in the morning so to let herself out the back door when she left for work because it auto-locks. On her way out, she took my ring, my last bit of smoke, and knocked over my fish tank. The fish tank wasn’t even easy to knock over.
38. Nintendo Nitwit
When I was a child, I met this other kid at the park a few times, and one day invited him to my house so we could play Super Nintendo. Eventually, it got late. He lived a biking distance away, but my mom didn’t want him biking in the dark. My mom asked if he needed her to call his mom to give him a ride home. He said nope I’m good, thanks for the snacks and everything.
Then he was on his way. Or so I thought. On his way out, he smashed my mom’s outdoor potted plants because he wanted to play more video games. I heard the crashing, saw him do it, and pulled him off his bike when I caught him red-handed and tried to flee. I dared him to come back. He never did. The ungrateful jerk. My mom even brought out the good snacks for him.
39. Unsolved Mystery
We still don’t know who it was. We had about 70 people for a party in the backyard. There was a bathroom on the ground floor that we instructed everyone to use. Someone took it upon themselves to see their way to the upstairs bathroom, left it a horrible mess, clogged and all, and slipped back into the party as if nothing happened. I eventually stumbled upon the grossest scene I’d ever laid eyes on and had to tell my mother about it, as we were at my grandparents’ house. Rude.
40. Can You Say “Awkward?”
Someone I knew took her pants off because she was having abdominal pains after knowingly having dairy products, despite being extremely lactose intolerant. She wandered around our house in her undies grunting and groaning while my wife and I awkwardly sat on our couch. A few hours later, she “ate” an apple, but instead of swallowing the bits, she spat them out into a bag because she didn’t want to consume the sugar.
41. Up In Ashes
One day, my brother’s friends were over and playing some sort of game. It was a combination of hide and go seek and tag all at once. One of them was found by my brother. He was desperate to escape and in doing so, grabbed my grandmother’s ashes. He threw them at my brother as if it were some kind of messed-up smoke bomb. Yeah, that friend didn’t come over much after.
42. An Organic Mess
Some old friend brought their first baby with them, but somehow they thought that to spend the afternoon and evening, one diaper for him would be enough. We gave them a few diapers, but they ranted on and on about the fact that the food I served them was not all organic. On top of that, when they changed their son’s diaper, they managed to leave pieces of poo at three different spots. They never noticed or cleaned it up.
43. Loo Lifter
The younger brother of a friend, who came to my house uninvited, asked to use the toilet and broke it while doing his deed. He tore it from the floor where it was bolted on with four concrete screws. He came back completely innocent-looking. Some 15 minutes later when I found out what he did, he vehemently denied everything and left. Since this was our only toilet, things had to be cleaned and made operational ASAP.
44. Something Smells Off
When I was 17, my older brother brought two of his college friends from school to stay for a weekend. It went downhill fast. My mom caught one of them smelling my 12-year-old sister’s stockings and underwear. My mom freaked out and was in semi shock. She came in and told my brother in front of me and the other friend. What was even more awkward is the guy tried to play it off like he thought it was MY room.
He said he was sniffing because he could smell weed somewhere, and wanted to smoke.
45. Not Such An Egg-cellent Friend
I let a friend of mine crash on my couch for a few days until he got intoxicated one night after I was in bed and decided to boil some eggs. Once the eggs were boiling, he passed out. Eventually, all the water in the pan boiled off and the eggs fused themselves to the pan. Shortly after that, the pan itself began to melt onto the burner. I woke up to the smoke detector going off and a cloud of noxious black smoke throughout my apartment. The smell of it lasted for several months despite my best efforts to fumigate.
46. An Uneven Exchange
I participated in a high school exchange program when I was 16. When my exchange student came to my house, she was apparently quite disappointed by my parents’ place (social housing), even though my parents welcomed her with open arms and were incredibly kind to her. She showed her displeasure by leaving her used menstrual pads in her underwear for my mother to find, and by putting her used gum on the walls instead of in a trash can. Needless to say, we didn’t remain friends.
47. A Bad Apple
Our family friend’s son, who was 20 years old at the time, had a habit of eating an apple before bed every night. But every night, he took that apple into bed, ate it, and left the core down the side of the bed. After having them up for a week, we discovered a stash of apple cores shoved down the side of the bed. It would have been so easy just to throw them out!
48. The Foul Smell Of Friendship
My wife and I were staying at her parents’ house last summer and had some friends go to stay at our city apartment. We hadn’t intended to be gone as long as we were and my car was parked on the street. I asked if they could move it when they went back so it wouldn’t get ticketed. They asked us if they should dump out our milk and throw away our eggs too since we’d be gone for a while.
My wife and I both thought that was so nice of them. Fast forward two months when we head back to our apartment. We walked in after an 8-hour drive at 1 am…and were hit with a thick, overwhelming foul smell. It was the worst smell I’ve ever encountered. I looked in the kitchen and saw they had tossed the eggs in the trash, but didn’t take the trash out, which just let the eggs rot faster.
They also didn’t rinse the sink when they poured out the milk, so we were making cottage cheese in the sink pipes. I thought that could be the source of the smell, but it was way worse. My wife went to the bathroom, as one does after a long road trip, to see that our friends had used the toilet while they were here “helping,” clogged it, and left it.
That excrement sat in our apartment with the A/C off in the middle of summer for two months just stinking up the place. We were very tempted to just burn the place and move.
49. On The Flip Side
I invited our older-than-us neighbor from across the street over for a New Year’s Eve party. This was a massive tactical error. She showed up with a box of wine and said, “I only drink this!” Then she saw the Bombay Sapphire. She spent the night getting rather plastered. My friend and his girlfriend showed up, and the neighbor asks the woman how far along she is.
The girlfriend is taken back and asks, “What?” My neighbor points at her belly and says, “You got a baby in there right?” Our guest was not pregnant. She did not look pregnant, and you would think another woman would know not to ask something like that. Towards the end of the night, the very intoxicated neighbor decided that she needed to wash our dishes.
I had a dishwasher. I had expensive dishes. I did not want them washed. After she wouldn’t listen to me, her husband finally talked her down from the dishwashing ledge. There were a few chips, but at least nothing broke and no one ended up bleeding. Around 1 am, the party was winding down and I tell the neighbors it’s time to head home.
She decides she needs to use the bathroom first before making the 50-foot trek back to her own house. At 2 am, she’s back banging on my door saying she can’t find her phone. I let her back in. She can’t find it. I send her on her way. At 3 am, she’s back trying to find the missing phone so she has it when she goes to work. I told her to kick rocks and I’ll look in the morning.
At 7 am she rings the doorbell and is basically accusing us of stealing her flip phone. But it was far from over yet. At 10 am, I go into the bathroom she had used. The toilet is clogged. A lightbulb goes off. I try and snake the clog through. No success. My wife convinces me that we need to rescue the phone or else the neighbor will never believe us.
So, I drain the toilet, take the tank off, break the caulking along the floor, and take the toilet up. Well, well, well. There is a poop-covered flip phone lookin’ at me. The phone went into a bag and over to the neighbor. Not even a thank you. She took it and shut the door.
50. Kitty Rules
I got my first apartment out of high school and rescued my beloved cat, Dave, along with it so that I wouldn’t be alone. I invited some high school friends who I hadn’t seen in a year over to make it feel like home, as well as to have Dave meet the boys. This one dude steps into my home for the first time and was immediately greeted with purry meows from my kitten.
This piece of garbage kicked the light of my life six feet across the room, saying, “Eww bro, you know I hate cats.” I immediately started punching him in the worst fit of rage I’ve ever had. Thankfully a couple of my other friends broke us up and kicked him out. I haven’t seen him since and Dave is thriving, currently watching birds through the window in a state of complete bliss.