Everyone gets a little flustered or upset from time to time, but these are not stories about those trivial moments. These are the times we remember forever; the ones that make a little piece of us shrivel up every time we flash back to them—let alone when it actually happened. From the embarrassing to the tragic, these Redditors reveal the moments they died a little inside.
1. This Outfit Doesn’t Cut the Mustard
In the seventh grade, I got my back-to-school clothes. For some reason, I thought yellow pants and a yellow Hawaiian shirt looked AWESOME. I was excited to wear this new outfit. We were not wealthy, so having new clothes like this was a big deal for me. Sitting in my English class, I received a note. It said, "Are you the mustard man?" and it was signed by Every. Person. In. The. Class.
As I read it, they all burst out into laughter. All of them. It’s a moment in life where you have to laugh or cry, but either way, you die inside. I chose to laugh. Kids are cruel.
2. Burning the Candle at Both Ends
I farted and sneezed at the same time while lining up at a fast food place. Because of the sneeze, the fart shot out so fast it actually hurt my butt, so I screamed, "Ouch!" as it happened. Felt like a proper idiot.
3. Two Much
I had a customer who was holding and examining an awkward, fragile, and expensive item with one hand. I asked her to please hold it with two. She turned to look at me. She only had one arm.
4. Caught Red-Handed
I was on an airplane years ago with my girlfriend and her parents. My girlfriend couldn't get a seat next to me and sat directly behind me. During the flight, I thought I would surprise her and reached my hand back onto her knee. Slowly, I kept extending it up her thigh until I heard giggling. Looked behind through the seats and saw that my hand was on the leg of the guy next to her.
He saw my face and said, "I just wanted to see how far you'd go." Of course, my girlfriend was in on it and started laughing along with the rest of the row. I was so embarrassed.
5. Let It Go
I made a pun in front of my crush that was so bad, she did not react at all. Just straight up ignored it.
6. Spelling “D”
Fifth-grade spelling bee. I made it to the school-wide level, which was the third round in. First I had to beat my own class, then beat the other fifth-grade classes, and next was the whole school. My first word was biscuit. Easy. My second word was soccer. Also easy. Except for the fact that I was a bit nervous being up on stage, with the whole school in attendance, including my mom who was there for support.
It got in my head a little bit. I heard soccer and thought, "Okay, this is easy. Remember, there are two C's in soccer. Two C's, two C's..." *step up to the microphone* "C...O..." *instantly knew what I did* *facepalmed myself in front of everyone* *dead inside.* Despite this realization, and the fact I had already lost, my brain kept the letters mixed up as I spelled the rest of the word. "...S-S-E-R." COSSER.
Any COSSER fans here? Or, as you may call it in your country, BUTFOL?
7. Don’t Bottle It up
I once bought a bottle of Pepsi in a meal deal but didn't have space to put it in my bag. In my infinite wisdom, I decided to pour the contents into my reusable water bottle so I wouldn't have to carry both bottles. It was one of those bottles that has the straw in it and you flip the top up when you want a drink. Opened it in a little hardware store later in the day and the gas had built up in the bottle and it spurted out like a water gun all over the wall and ceiling.
I was so embarrassed and tried my best to clean it up for them, but all the staff could do was laugh. One of them told me I was standing in the perfect spot for the CCTV to pick it up, and he would be watching it back later.
8. Not-So Pitch Perfect
This happened in my high school theater class. As a final project, we (and a partner, if we wanted), were to choose a song/monologue/dialogue to perform. I had a dear friend, Emma, with a brave heart. She chose the song "All That Jazz" from the musical Chicago, which is a hard song even for seasoned performers.
In Emma's sixteen years of life, no one had told her she was tone-deaf, nor had she figured it out for herself. You could feel how uncomfortable everyone was when Emma started to sing. Luckily, we weren't a bunch of bullies and politely tried to sit through it. We were quite close-knit, and mainly just proud to see our friends perform.
Everyone had chosen their favorites and were so excited. So, we were painfully letting Emma sing her way through the song, until...cue Ms. Ellen. She was hired as a front office person. She answered the phone, took care of attendance and kids whose parents called them in sick, etc. It was her dream, however, to be in the performing arts. So, stupidly, our theater teacher took on Ms. Ellen as an assistant director.
None of us liked her, or this idea, but I still can't believe what she did that day. After the first verse, Ms. Ellen began to sing the correct(-ish) pitch over Emma. I was horrified. She immediately lost all confidence she had and hurried her way through the rest of the song. The second-hand embarrassment was so tangible it was heartbreaking.
9. Taking Stock
I've told this story before, but there was a time when I knew I was coming down with what I was sure was going to be an absolute behemoth of a cold. Already beginning to feel a little fuzzy in the brain, I decided to make myself some chicken soup in advance to get me through the worst of it. I chopped some carrots, chopped some onions, threw in a chicken carcass, and over the course of about four hours made the most bomb stock you could imagine.
Then my dumb butt poured it through a colander...directly into the sink. It took me a good thirty seconds before I realized what I'd done. Then I just sat on the kitchen floor for about ten minutes, gazing at the opposite wall and wishing real life had a CTRL-Z function.
10. No Return
I received a set of boxes in the mail with no return address on a Monday morning. When I opened the boxes, I started noticing stuff that was my mom’s; it was her handwriting on notes. This seems to be some sort of care package from my mom! Great, I was in college at the time and could use some free stuff. As I opened more, there were all these documents? I was confused...then I found the note.
My mom committed suicide, but planned it all out. She sent me a list of “things to take care of now that she’s gone.” Now I hate getting packages.
11. The Blind Leading the Blind
I help coordinate Medicaid transportation to appointments. I had a really rude client on the phone, yelling that his ride wasn't there. I put him on hold and called the driver. He was sitting out front. I switch back over, and the client was still yelling. I said, "SIR. Just look outside, he's RIGHT THERE." Now, it had been a bad day, and I learned my lesson from this, please keep that in mind.
He says, "I can't, I'M BLIND." Sure enough, his file says "Blind." Now I don't lose my temper on the phone.
12. Lost and Found
It was one night after going to a concert with one of my friends. I dropped him off at his house, and as he was getting out of the car, he started looking for something. When I asked him what he was looking for, he said, “I think I lost my weed.” He gave up after looking around a bit, concluding he lost it at the show.
Cut to 10 minutes later and I, on the way home, got pulled over for not coming to a full stop at a stop sign. As the cop approached the car, the thought of my friend’s lost bag crossed my mind. The cop went through the usual routine. Asked for my license and registration, asked where I had been that evening, have I had anything to drink, is there anything in the car he needed to know about.
I answered everything flawlessly, but then as he’s standing there, I see something catch his eye as he’s looking in, and he shined a flashlight inside on it, and asked, “What’s that?” I died inside when I looked over and saw, perfectly framed in the spotlight, my friend’s bag on the passenger side floor. How he didn’t find it while looking around I’ll never understand.
Somehow, I was able to articulate my case that it wasn’t mine but my dumb friend’s well enough that he took pity on me and just confiscated it and let me off with a warning for that, plus a $70 ticket for the stop sign.
13. Double Standards
When I was about 13, my dad took me aside one night and apologized for putting so much effort into supporting my twin brother and so little into supporting me. I didn't quite know what he was talking about, but as he kept talking, my heart shattered. I always assumed my brother was just smarter/physically more gifted. Turns out, my parents had actively and knowingly neglected me in order to encourage my brother’s achievements.
Happened all through my schooling. They paid thousands for his sporting trips and when I had the same opportunities, they just didn’t have the money. Still kills me inside now. I am doing well now and it really only made me a more resilient person. Was a big oof when it happened, but it made me who I am. Surprising how many twins are in the exact same situation.
There was no real reason given in the explanation from Dad and nothing really changed after. At 13 it was the norm, and even now it’s pretty standard. I still love my Dad and my brother. Dad gave me more than most have and he did it as a single parent, so I don’t hold it against him.
14. In the Purple
I crochet, and my old boss at work asked me for a scarf. He requested lilac, which I thought was odd, but he was super insistent and even sent me a color chart pointing out the exact shade he wanted. I bought the yarn and made him a scarf, but then ran into him and mentioned the scarf again and he started cracking up, saying he was joking.
Definitely embarrassing, but I’m glad I didn’t actually bring it with me and give him the scarf only to find out he was being a jerk. I wound up giving it to another co-worker who was watching the whole thing play out and she was super appreciative!
15. The Waiting Game
Freshman year of high school, I had a crush on a girl. All year long, we would flirt and talk. I was too much of a coward to ask her out, but not enough of a coward to leave it be. We leave for summer, and I think to myself, “Man, good thing I didn’t ask her out, that would have been so embarrassing!” Just me trying to justify how much of a punk I was being.
Next year begins. On the first day back, I had class with her best friend. As she talks to the girls in the class, I overhear a whisper: “Yeah she (crush) and X (her new boyfriend) have been together for a week. I never thought she would give up on you-know-who never asking her out.” I turn and see ALL of them giving me the side-eye.
Needless to say, I died inside. It was embarrassing to say the least, and honestly a huge wake-up call. Never made that mistake again. SHOOT YOUR SHOT.
16. Let It All Hang out
When I was in high school, I used to swim competitively, so speedos, cap, etc, etc. One morning session, I was running a bit late and got changed super quick. I went out to the poolside with my gear getting ready for the training session. Then one of the girls (who I happened to fancy at the time) informed me that one of my testicles was hanging out the side of my speedo.
I thought it felt a bit breezy as I ran out of the changing room, but it never crossed my mind what had actually happened. I look back and laugh about it now, but my god the embarrassment at the time. I still wonder how many others saw and didn't say anything.
17. Skirting the Issue
Setting: Junior high. Status: Awkward preteen. Style: Liked cats, very shy. I walked out of the school bathroom. Noticed after a bit that the popular girl in school was watching me, giving me a strange look. She then approached me, and wordlessly pulled my skirt out of my underwear that I’d just tidily tucked in with the rest of my uniform.
Then I just walked away to avoid my shame, as I’d just been walking around with my panties showing...
18. Unleash the Karen
When I went to the pool with my family, my aunt forgot my cousin's activity access card. Basically, in our town you get this one kind of ID card that allows you to get books at the library, prove you live in the town, and in this case, go to the pool for free all summer, otherwise you paid 10$. My aunt, by the way, is usually the chillest person ever.
I assume she's gonna pay the fee and so I take my 10-year-old cousin toward the female side of the changing rooms. Then, all of a sudden, I heard a deafening screaming. "HEY. YOU ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE /insert cousin name here/ UNTIL I FIX THIS WITH THIS WITCH." I turn around. My aunt starts yelling Karen-style at this poor summer worker who must be about 14. She’s screaming that she always comes to THIS pool and it's UNACCEPTABLE to make her pay when they ALWAYS have the card.
My cousin had to stay and WATCH THROUGH THE GATES because she couldn't go in and my aunt just took the car and left. I paid so she could come in with us instead of, y'know, crying her eyes out because her mom can't be darned to pay $10.00. She came back huffing with the card and nearly threw it at the employee before even realizing her daughter in the pool. She didn't even look for her.
I wanted to die.
19. Living for Two
When I was 17, I was depressed and seriously considering ending my life, except I wanted to know how my mother had died. She died when I was two, so I never knew her. Before I decided on killing myself, I wanted to know how she had passed away. So one day in the car, it was just me and my dad and I asked him how she died.
He didn’t say anything for like a full-on minute and I was nervous about his reaction, so when I finally looked at him there were tears running down his face. It was at that moment that I felt like a piece of poo for wanting to end my life. What made it worse was that when he finally gathered himself, he told me she had hung herself due to her BPD (Borderline personality disorder).
I felt like an even bigger piece of poo. I knew I couldn't make him feel that way again. So I wasn’t living for myself but to stop him from going through that again.
20. Odd Man out
When you're having a conversation with your friends and you keep getting talked over like you never said anything. By the time someone does acknowledge you, the subject has changed so they all give you a weird look for being so behind. Then it keeps happening and you realize that these people aren’t really your friends. You're just kind of there.
21. Good Boy
I go back and forth between my mom’s and dad’s houses, court-ordered, and I have for years. I switch houses every Sunday at about 7:00 pm. I was playing in the yard with my dog, waiting for my mom to get there, and when she did, we drove home. I had just gotten out of the car and walked inside of my mom’s house when she got a call.
She handed me the phone, and apparently, seconds after we drove away, my dog had a heart attack and died. They rushed him to the vet but they couldn't save him. I never got to say goodbye.
22. Everybody Poos
Straight pooed myself in second grade. I wasn't feeling good at all, but I was too embarrassed to ask to go to the bathroom and, without any warning, I audibly filled my pants with what felt like a gallon of diarrhea. We were sitting cross-legged on the floor for reading time and I quickly had poo up my back to my shoulder blades and down my pants to the knees.
Of course, I was sitting between two girls at the time who promptly screamed and crawled away as if I had burst into flames. Teacher’s mouth dropped and I just weakly said, "I don't feel good." Everyone was staring at me with the most stomach-turned looks of disgust. I would have rather eaten broken glass than be sitting there as I was.
The teacher sent me to the nurse, waddling, dripping liquid feces the whole way—and then it got even worse. The nurse was obviously extremely aggravated with me, which really felt good to a seven-year-old who already wished he was dead. She all but threw a set of ancient loaner clothes and a plastic bag at me, then admonished me to make sure my mother washed them that night so I could return them in the morning.
She then angrily told me to go to the bathroom, clean myself up, and put my poo-covered clothing in the bag and tie it up to take it home. I did the best I could, washing in a sink with the useless pink powder soap and brown paper towels that don't absorb at all, and changed into a pair of corduroy pants and an XXL button-down shirt used as an art smock, then was sent back to class.
I still smelled poop but I had no idea where it was coming from and the teacher had me sit way off to the side for the rest of the day when the other kids complained. For the rest of that year, I had no friends whatsoever and was known throughout school as the kid who pooed himself during reading time. Luckily, I changed schools the next year so I left my reputation behind me.
It was almost 35 years ago and I'm quite over it now, as one thing I've learned is that pooing yourself is a universal part of the human condition, no matter what people might say, think, or act like when it happens. It certainly wasn't the last time I've pooed myself in my 40 years on this Earth, but it was assuredly the most embarrassing.
The behavior of the adults in this situation was appalling, especially in retrospect. A seven-year-old doesn't know what is and is not appropriate in that regard, so I just accepted it as we all did. Most of my teachers themselves grew up in the days where they were physically struck for the most minor of transgressions and nobody batted an eye, so I'm sure acting like a crotch towards a student who legitimately had an accident didn't even cross their minds as being inappropriate.
I'm glad that teachers are better in that regard these days and that emotional needs are treated just as importantly as academic ones. Side note, my mom was pissed when she found out what happened when she got home from work that evening, and called the school to complain, but nothing ever came of it to my knowledge.
She worked long days, and as a struggling single mom with a deadbeat ex-husband, it wasn't exactly feasible for her to take off from work to push the issue. C'est la vie...
23. Tough Love
When my mother told me on my wedding day not to lose this man because no one could ever love me. Same day telling me in my wedding dress not to gain any more weight because if I have a baby I’d basically be fat forever. When I was 14 and super sick one summer I couldn’t eat. Was down below 100lbs. My mom told me I should go put a bikini on so she could take photos because I’d never be that skinny again.
I had just fainted a couple hours earlier because I hadn’t been able to eat. She just oozed all her own insecurities all over me my whole life. My husband and I have been married almost 16 years. He has spent our entire marriage undoing all of the damage she has done. He’s a saint.
24. Where’s the Beef?
I tend to talk to myself when alone, just a habit I've always had. Last month, as I was walking out of the post office, I rounded a corner and almost ran into a tiny old woman. I was muttering to myself at the time, and as I stepped into her face, I exclaimed: "Is all I've eaten today meatballs?" What followed was the silent awkward dance of trying to step around each other while avoiding eye contact, followed by me slinking to my car.
39. Kids Say the Darndest Things
I had to bring my six-year-old son in for stitches on the back of his head. The emergency room doctor was from the Caribbean and he had pretty heavy accent. My son, who has Asperger's and a history of being very blunt, told him to "Speak English."
26. Loose Lips Sink Ships
When we were about 18, my friend told me that his mom had just been caught cheating on his dad and how it was going to tear the family apart. I remember him even saying, "I hate my mom for this.” Later that evening, a few of us went for a drink. I arrived late and got some drinks in. As I sat down, the same lad was telling the group "I hate her,” so I said "Oh, I see you've told them about your mom then? It's so bad that she could do that to your dad." The second I said it, my stomach dropped, but it was too late.
He was talking to them about some girl we know. But now everyone realized I had slipped up about something big and he ended up having to tell everyone.
27. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
I was playing video games with two of my friends who are brothers. One of them got killed in the game and the other had made absolutely no effort to rescue him. I was fighting the guys who killed him and we were joking on Comms that the alive brother was useless and I said, "God man, don't you care that your brother just died?"
I realized within about two milliseconds what I had just said. Their other brother had died a month or so previously. Luckily, they laughed it off, but I definitely died inside a little.
28. Putting on a Show
I was in Greece, walking back to the hotel at night with this other girl. Some dude drove past and leaned out the window and yelled at us in Greek with a smile on his face. Other girl says they were probably checking us out, but I just brushed it off. We walk for another few minutes when I realize I am having a wardrobe malfunction.
My long skirt, which has a slit at the side, had ridden up and my knickers were on display. Also, they were pretty see-through too, so when the car's lights shined on us, they must have seen quite a lot.
29. Careless Mistake
I was sitting in class in high school. Context: Cell phones were 100% not allowed in my school at all. I had a cell phone anyway because I lived pretty far from school and needed to be in contact with my mother just in case. The previous night, I had turned the volume up on my phone all the way, for reasons. So there I am in class. And not just any class. I went to a Jewish school and this class was essentially "Holocaust Class."
It was the one class where there was no talking out of turn and everyone took it seriously. Just as everyone was settled in but before the teacher started talking, I get a text. In the perfect silence of Holocaust Class, a voice rings out. And that voice was Peter Griffin saying at top volume "OH MY G0D, WHO THE HECK CARES?”
30. It’s Not You, It’s Him
In high school, I was dating a complete dick. He would pretty openly cheat on me, and then deny everything and tell me that I was being jealous and insecure. That he just had a ton of female friends and that I was imagining things. When people would try to tell me that he was making out with another girl in front of everyone at a party, or sneaking into their sister's bedroom, I would defend him and deny it.
Well, one evening, my dad had to go to school to pick up my little sister from basketball. He came home, called me into the living room, and sat me down. My pretty reserved, quiet father proceeded to embarrassingly tell me that he had seen my boyfriend in the high school parking lot making out with another girl. One of my friends no less. But that's not even the worst part.
He said my boyfriend locked eyes with him, smirked, and waved. I was so embarrassed and ashamed and my dad was so upset. He also got pretty annoyed when he realized that the news didn't exactly shock me. I wanted to sink into the floor, honestly. We usually didn't talk about feelings much in my house, and I had never told them about anything that had been going on with him.
My father just said, "Get rid of him. You don't need that in your life, we both know you can do so much better." He was right. However, my younger sister had seen too, and would always bring it up to twist the knife sometimes. Thankfully, I think everyone has forgotten it by now, but I don't think I've ever been more embarrassed in front of my father.
31. One Unholy Mess
I told someone at church that my family was "an incest of germs" because we were all getting sick. I meant to say "cess pool," but I said incest instead. I corrected myself, but it still was bad. To make matters worse, I later went to say hi to someone by hugging them, but they went for a handshake instead. I still grabbed them and tried to hug them as they were walking away, so it turned into a weird “me grabbing and tugging them and slapping them on the back'” thing.
32. Naming the Problem
Knowing someone really well and then they ask what your name is...
33. Going Ape
During primary school, we went on a school trip to a local zoo. In this zoo, they had an enclosure of baboons, through which you could walk. Usually, they're very calm. However, it’s forbidden to bring any kind of food, drink, or even a bag with you. Guess which idiot didn't pay attention and happily walked in with a backpack filled with snacks...and a banana.
As you can guess, the baboons became quite interested in my backpack. So interested that the biggest baboon in the cage charged me and started to try and steal my backpack. Cue a minute-long struggle between a baboon and an eight-year-old kid. I lost. I watched as the baboon climbed a rock, ate everything inside (wrapping included) and, to add insult to injury, threw my backpack in a pond.
Now, this was embarrassing, but as an eight-year-old, it didn't amount to much. However, close to 10 years later, I open the newspaper to see an interview with my old janitor—and my stomach drops. In it, he recounts his most memorable memory...a fight between a kid and a baboon. Kill. Me. Now.
34. Crushing Blow
When I was eight years old, we took a field trip to the Field Museum here in Chicago. During our lunch break, I decided to wander off to the gift shop and see what they had. I had a huge crush on this girl named Victoria in my class and I saw this ladybug ring on sale for a couple of dollars. I knew she liked ladybugs and I had money my parents gave me to buy something at the shop, so I decided to buy the ring and give it to her.
I was really nervous and kept waiting for the right time to do it. I eventually decided to just go for it and walked up to her near the end of the trip. She was with some of her friends, which made me more nervous, but I finally found the courage to do it—and I couldn't believe her cruel reaction. She looked at the ring and laughed. Her friends joined her and she then tossed the ring in the trash.
I was completely devastated and tried hard to hold back my tears. Even though I'm over it now, that completely screwed up my confidence with girls for a long time. Looking back, I may have embarrassed her too, giving it to her in front of her friends, which is why she reacted that way, but whatever the case, it's probably the most embarrassed I have been in my life.
35. Lost Daughter
When I opened the DNA results of my four-year-old little girl and found out she wasn’t mine. Then my wife left me and moved in with the real father and changed my daughter’s last name to his. The old me died back then. Haven’t felt alive since.
36. Deadbeat Friend
My ex-best friend told me he didn't care about me...well, that sucked. Immediately cut contact while he asks our mutual friend how I am because he's worried. Screw off. His right to be worried left the moment he said he didn't care about me. After everything I've done for that guy...This was a while ago, but sometimes it still feels fresh.
It was probably one of his many manipulative games, but it was the last one I could handle from him. After all the verbal and mental abuse from him. I'm somewhat proud of myself that I finally cut contact, but I’m afraid that when he tries to crawl back into my life, I'll fall for it all over again.
37. Playing Phone Tag
I went to an out-of-state summer program in high school and met a cute girl there who happened to be from my area. She asked for my number, so of course, I gave it to her. Later that night, I get woken up by a call from her. Except she and her friends are giggling uncontrollably. She proceeds to tell me a "very funny" story—but let's just say, I didn't find it as funny.
She had just gotten off the phone with my grandma, whose number I had given her in some nerve-induced mistake. Evidently, they had a pleasant conversation before she got my number from her. She could probably feel how red my face was through the phone.
38. Breaking Wind, Breaking Hearts
When I was 13, I had a huge crush on my neighbor, who was about to leave for college. I went to her graduation party with my family. Her and I were sitting on a wooden bench on their incredibly echoey porch. I leaned over to give her a hug and let out the most intense and echoey fart of my life. It totally surprised me because I had no idea it was coming.
Pretty sure the entire neighborhood heard it.
39. Parental Punishment
When I was about six years old, I lost my mom at a park in a foreign country. I was trying to find her for 30 minutes, walking, crying, weighing my options to find the way back to the hotel myself, etc. It was super stressful. Then finally I found her bent over, tying her shoes. Enraged that she hadn't even looked for me, I walked over and did something I've never done before but felt was justified.
I slapped her butt. Real hard. My mom shot up, turned around, and to my utter disbelief, I realized that that was not my mom, but a complete stranger lady. I died inside, started stuttering about how I thought she was my mom, which I don't know whether this made things better or worse, and left. Luckily, she seemed more confused and understanding and let me wander off.
I found my mom five minutes later, but at that point, I was still recovering, so I just took her hand and did not leave her side for the rest of the day.
40. Three’s a Crowd
When I was 18, I was at a carnival with a group of people I knew from school, including my long-time crush, this super cute guy. At some point, people started dropping off from the group, going on rides, getting food, that kind of stuff. Eventually, it was only me, my crush, and my little sister (little as in almost 16).
I kept waiting for her to leave too, to go find some of her friends or whatever. But then, after hanging out together for another 15 or so minutes, I finally made a heartbreaking realization. It slowly dawned on me that it wasn't him and me waiting for her to leave, but them waiting for me to leave. They became a couple for a few months shortly after. It later turned out that they got to know each other at my 18th birthday party two months prior (they had never met before).
When my sister got back later that evening, she told me that and said: "You don't mind, do you?" I did mind, very much.
41. Every Rose Has Its Thorns
In fourth grade, my school had a fundraiser around Valentine’s Day where you could buy a carnation for $1 or a rose for $2; it would then be delivered with a message to the person of your choosing. I liked a boy in my class, so I decided to buy him a rose and write a note from his “secret admirer.” I thought it was a baller move.
Well, I couldn’t wait for the rose to be delivered, so I wrote a note and slid it under his book when he got up to go to the bathroom. His friend saw because I’m about as stealthy as an elephant on roller skates. Friend took the note and read it out loud when the boy got back. The rose came not long after—and that's when it got truly horrific. The boy took it, looked at me, snapped the rose in half, and threw it in the trash.
42. Oh, Poop
When I was 17 during Christmas, I had diarrhea real bad. Every time I had to fart, it was actually a poo. Well a little backstory, my dad and I have had this on-going fart war since I was little. We were both in our kitchen and I felt a fart coming up. I said in my head, “This is going to be a good one, do I risk it?” Well, I decided to send it...and this has easily been one of the worst decisions of my life.
I squeezed a little and diarrhea came out of my butt all over me and the floor. He hasn’t noticed yet and I say, “Dad, I pooed myself. “ He turns around, sees, and busts out laughing. Mom comes running in, asking what happened. Dad says, “Just want you to know that your 17-year-old son just pooed himself, grab the camera.” Merry Christmas everybody.
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