scorecardresearch

No one likes to get caught in the act…or do they? Redditors were asked to share the weirdest thing they were ever found doing by someone else. In this age of precarious privacy, it’s hard to hide the special habits and quirks that make us all too human. Be discrete towards these shocking stories about humanity’s freakiest “caught in the act” moments.


1. Dental Hygiene is a Matter of Black and White

When I bought my first pair of night-vision goggles, I had them delivered to the TV station I worked at, not trusting my neighbors to leave my stuff alone. So, I took a break and tried them out in the only truly dark room I could find. The men’s room. A coworker came in, flicked on the lights, and was startled to find me in the middle of the room, blinded by the sudden flash of normal light, brushing my teeth in the pitch dark with night vision goggles.

I had to go talk to HR about it. He was freaked out.

helljack

2. Smooth as a Baby’s Bottom

When I was going through puberty, I started getting a lot of hair on my butt, which I hated. So, I started shaving my butt. One time, my older brother decided to try and throw a cup of freezing cold water on me in the shower. He rips open the curtain to me slightly bent over with shaving cream on my butt and a razor in my hand.

He stops for a second, throws the cup anyway then proceeds to laugh uncontrollably and tell everyone in the house what he caught me doing.

Darkjak909

3. The Language of Puppy Love

As a pet sitter, sometimes you get lonely when the majority of your interactions are with animals. So, to combat this I sometimes pretend to be the inner voice of whatever dog I’m walking, responding out loud to whatever they’re sniffing or whatever grabs their attention. Each dog has his/her own individual weird voice as well.

More than once, people have walked around a corner to hear me doing this.

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4. Too Young to Drive Like That

Oh man. So, I must have been about 12. I was in the car with my mom. To set the scene, it was a three-row soccer mom van, and I was in the second row behind the passenger seat with my mom driving. Well since I was 12, I got my random hormone boner. Strange and awkward enough right? Well, I decided that I would pretend I was driving and that my boner was the stick shift…mom caught me.

Uncanny_badluck

5. Excuse Me for Being a Friend to Animals

I was in standstill traffic. My car had been turned off, and people were loitering outside of their cars. Well, I had a baby squirrel that I was hand-rearing in my car. I fed it some puppy milk formula from a bottle, looked up and realized I had an audience of about 20 people gawking at me.

rafraska

6. From ABCs to the Birds and the Bee

When I was around 10 years old, I was getting curious about human reproduction, so I decided to look it up in the dictionary. Wouldn’t you know it my ultra-conservative mother walks in the room, so I try to play it off like I was looking up the Haida Native American tribe. She called me out for being in the S-section, but I doubled down and pretended I was possibly dyslexic.

What a tangled web I wove.

HotGarbageJuice

7. Letting It Rip

In third grade, I went to the bathroom, and thinking I was alone, put my hands against the wall, leaned forward, and let out a long gigantic fart. Afterward, I let out a nice big sigh of relief and pleasure. I turn around that some other kids had come in as I was releasing that massive fart. Did not look them in the eyes as I left. It’s not the fart that was strange, no matter how long it may have been.

It’s the hands against the wall, prepping my body to let it rip, and moaning “uuuuunnggghhh” afterward.

TomberryServo

8. Up, Up, and Away

Walking across the road to the dumpster with a bag of trash. One arm pulled into my hoodie. Flapping it like a wing, and slowly moving forward while going in circles. Saying to myself “Flying in circles, flying in circles.” Realizing that I was not circling in the right direction for the ‘wing’ I had and reversing to circle opposite-wise.

Saying “Flying in circles the wrong way.” Come back inside and find that my whole family had been watching me.

Splendidissimus

9. Nine Lives, Nine Strings

I was once caught by an ex-girlfriend playing her cat like a banjo…I had both Slushy’s front paws in my hand and was strumming on his tummy.  The cat was purring so loud, it made her come in to see what was going on, it was a long awkward pause followed by “Are you playing my cat?”

Responsible_Rhubarb

10. Hold onto Your Purse

Was at the driveway at Wendy’s and had exact change. As I was switching the money one hand to another, the quarter slipped in between my legs. I went to grab it but it slipped down further and the guy comes to the window as I have one hand full of cash and the other hand in between my legs trying to grab the quarter. He looked and me and said, “I’m not even going to ask.”

I just said, “the quarter fell between my legs, I have exact change.” I got it and handed it to him, pulled up to the next window to get my food and he had cautioned ahead about what he thought he saw me doing. So embarrassing.

crazycatlady2118

11. A Meal Worth Marrying

I picked up a pizza, was super excited to eat it, so I put it in the passenger seat and said something along the lines of “I’m gonna take you home and eff you up!” hyping myself and the pizza up of course. I then saw that my window, and the window of the next car was open. A woman watched and heard me talk dirty to a pizza.

Another time I accidentally made eye contact with a woman while I was licking my lips after taking a sip of an Arizona tea, and she looked extremely offended by that. That was all in her head though, I’m still in denial.

combustablegoeduck

12. Leaping Lizards!

I spent three weeks in Florida for work. Stepped out of the hotel one morning to see a bunch of tiny lizards scrambling all up and down one of the columns in front of the building. One of them stopped at eye level and looked at me, so without thinking, I said, “Well, hello! What are you?” Turns out there was a guy on the other side of the column.

He couldn’t keep the laugh to himself.

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13. He Didn’t Go Bananas for This Research Topic

In high school English class, we went to the computer lab to do a poetry project. Can’t remember the specifics, but I remember we had to find a bunch of different poems that we liked. I had a flashback to my sister reading me a poem about a guy who accidentally hooks up with a chimpanzee, so I fired up a Google search for “Poems about making love to chimpanzees”.

My English teacher’s teacher senses must have been tingling, because he appeared right behind me, and very loudly asked why I was looking for poems about making love to chimpanzees.

TypicalCricket

14. I’m One with Nature

I’ve been doing some work in the backyard with Dad and had a few minutes off while he was mowing the mow. So, I’ve been standing by the pile of dirt in front of the backyard, trying not to get hit with some little rocks or pieces of adamantium. I noticed a huge round bunch of green wholesome grass. I kneeled by it and thought to myself “I wonder how it smells… from the beneath.”

I grabbed the damn grass with all my strength like a Thor would grab his hammer, and I pulled it out from the ground. As I got that little grassy jerk, I started repeatedly hitting it to the ground to get rid of the dirt attached to its roots. At this point, I probably looked like I was fighting a raging demon. So, as I finished it, I got closer and sniffed its white precious hair.

It smelled like…to be honest, I don’t remember so it probably wasn’t that much of a smell, 2/10 I’d say. I turned around, as my instinct told me something’s off. And it was, in fact. About 10 meters to my right there was my neighbor outside the net fence, watching me. Normally he’d never come out, but this particular day, once a year or rarer, he wanted our help with something.

I dropped the grass. I stood up. I walked up to him. Started talking as nothing happened. Yeah, sniffing grass is probably a pretty strange thing to do for most people. What can I do? Cheers, people.

IJUstSayGeeez

15. Head Over Heels in Shame

I hopped out the shower one day and was inexplicably overcome with the desire to see if I could balance upside down on my head. I used to do it all the time growing up. Guess I wanted to know if I still had it. The thing is, this desire had to be sated immediately. Even before I threw on some clothes. So, I drop my towel, flip on top of my head and start balancing like the good old days.

Even held my arms out by my side to try it hands-free. Out of nowhere my mother and ex-girlfriend burst into my room without knocking and get a face full of me upside down, naked, in what can only be described as a reverse T-stance. They screamed, I laughed, and I think I clipped through the ground a bit due to the collision.

suisauce

16. That’s What I Call Smooth Steering

Driving my car through traffic. Have little trial sized hand lotion in my center console and my hands are dry-ish, so I dispense the recommended amount and start rubbing it in. Traffic moves and I have to steer, accidentally get some lotion on my steering wheel. Which is leather. Now the part I touched is shiny and the rest isn’t.

Don’t like the way that looks so I dispense more lotion and start working it into the leather. Now, this makes the rest of the leather bits look dull and pretty soon I am all in with this, lotioning whatever I can reach. Casually glance to my left, and there is a car full of people staring directly at me, eyes wide, as I thoroughly massage the interior of my vehicle like some sort of Buffalo Bill-esqe auto enthusiast.

7sundays7times

17. That’s Just the Appetizer

Me, newlywed to my then-husband. Had to leave our apartment and move in with his somewhat disabled mother. Two weeks in, he and I are having intimate times in our bedroom. Specifically, he’s going downtown and eating at the Y. My mother-in-law knocks and immediately opens the door, saying “Dinner’s on the table!” Awkward pause.

Everyone freezes. She stands shock still, then huffs, and says “Well, I see you’ve already eaten,” slams the door and goes away. We giggle, recoup, and go to eat. Most awkward meal of my life.

Fang_Jolima

18. Orange You Gonna Say “Woof”?

I wanted to try to drink like a dog. I put a bowl on the floor and filled it with Fanta. My dad walked into my room where I was kneeling on the floor with my tongue in the bowl. He has never mentioned it since.

fashionablypunctual

19. Let’s Wipe the Slate Clean

In basic training, we got back to our bunks late. I was all exhausted and my body felt broken. Instead of taking a shower I decided to clean myself with baby wipes. Usually, nobody is paying attention to you because they all have their own things to do, but someone watched me wipe my groin area, under my pants and then proceed to stuff it in a drawer in my bed because I was too tired to get up and throw it away.

The person watching me said, “Are you saving that for later or something?”

BeffJridges

20. The Crown Jewel of the Aisle

I was working nights at this liquor store. I step outside to smoke then I go back in and I get to stocking shelves. Well, for a reason I still do not understand, I got Jewel’s “You Were Meant for Me” stuck in my head. I have no idea why…this was in like 2004, long after Jewel’s career had peaked and faded. Anyway, I’m all high and singing Jewel…loudly…while stocking the cooler when I decide to have fun with it and sing it almost as though it was a YouTube apology video.

So now I’m cry-singing Jewel’s “You Were Meant for Me ” at the top of my lungs, when a customer pops their head around the corner and says, “Um…are you open…and are…are you OK?” Apparently, our door beeper had gone on the fritz…I tried to explain I was just stoned and fooling around…but they were having none of it and continued to look at me as though I’d lost my damn mind, not just for the remainder of that transaction, but since they were a regular for years after.

AntifaInformationist

21. This Doesn’t Rock

Rewiring a microwave to go past its automatic shutoff temperatures to make neat rocks and glass out of rocks I found in the backyard. It wasn’t my family’s microwave, and my friend wasn’t home at the time. His father just stared at me, as I and his kitchen were covered in clay and pumice dust. And in his microwave. His only microwave.

My friend was due back from the hardware store in five minutes. Those were some very uncomfortable minutes.

LittleGravitasIndeed

22. If It’s Good Enough for Scooby, It’s Good Enough for Me

I had a coworker who looked a lot like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. I mentioned it to him once, and he said he gets that a lot. I got to talking to him about beef jerky, and how I had recently tried it for the first time. I explained that I wanted to try it because it’s probably the closest human equivalent to dog treats. I’m going on, saying, “Of course, I never will, but I’ve always been curious about eating dog treats…”

Just as I finish that sentence, the general manager walks by and catches the end of what I had just said. I preceded to laugh and walk away because I love when people walk-in on conversations at the most confusing possible moment.

naynaythewonderhorse

23. The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo’s Big Regret

It happened in relatively recent childhood. was 10 years old and after school my older sister suggested that I get a dragon “tattoo” on my back. She drew it on with a marker, and we went about our day. Later, we got home and decided to scrub it off before our dad got home. But it wouldn’t come off. She’d accidentally grabbed a permanent marker.

We started scrubbing with an aggressive dish sponge, and at that moment my father came in an saw me kneeling on the floor while my sister vigorously rubbed my back, which was by that point beet red. My back ached so much then I couldn’t sleep on it for a week!

Pertenckle

24. What Happens in Crop Circles, Stays in Crop Circles

My husband and I have caught several couples getting busy in our cornfields. It wouldn’t be so weird if not for the amount of instances it’s occurred and that each time it’s been different people and they always act shocked that they were caught and try to play it off like they weren’t trespassing to do it, plus the fact that they could have been more comfortable hooking up in their vehicles, which were well hidden by that same corn.

Once we caught a couple not just having risky business in it, but stealing it. When confronted the guy, he said he was just showing his girlfriend “the corns,” though we all knew he was trying to five-finger a dinner side. The joke was on them though. It wasn’t sweet corn; it was field corn.

Miadeep

25. Get the Scoop on Friendship

I was obsessed with the Anne of Green Gables movies when I was growing up. Anne had an imaginary friend called Katie Maurice, who was actually just her reflection. I decided to copy Anne by talking to my own reflection in a spoon. My mother walked in on me mid-conversation one day and asked me what the heck I was doing.

I told her I was speaking to my new friend. I overheard her on the phone to my dad saying, “…She thinks the spoon is her friend, Brian. Should we be worried?” I was 8/9 at the time, so definitely old enough to know that spoons are not friends.

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26. Jabba the Hutt Would Be Proud

When I was like 10 or 12 years old, I was in my room after just having taken a shower, when for some reason I got the weird idea to use my belt and a couple of towels to make the Princess Leia slave outfit bottom (by the way, I’m a boy). As I stood there wearing it (the front flap slightly raised since I had been thinking about Princess Leia) my mom walked right on in.

For what seemed like an eternity I saw her confused face trying to figure out what was happening, and just as she was about to ask about it I jumped across the room and slammed the door in her face. With my face bright red, I hurriedly threw on my clothes and went downstairs as if nothing had happened. My mom tried to bring it up once, but I feigned ignorance, and not another word has been spoken of it since.

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27. Mum’s the Bad Word

When I was in high school, I was programming a club’s website to censor profanity. I was doing it on the family computer at home. My dad catches a glimpse of a list of bad words on the screen and begins with the “Hey, what are you doing?!” routine. I explain what I’m doing, and he stood dumbfounded. A conservative Christian father not knowing what to think about his son with profanity on the screen.

He ended up walking away.

SamsquatchOR

28. The Naked Truth is Stranger Than Clothed Fiction

Walking a drunk, naked lad back to my room for exactly none of the reasons you might think. I was writing up an assignment last minute, and my friend came in absolutely wasted (had no idea where he’d been for the previous five hours) and was making a racket. I couldn’t really leave him, so I fetched some water and put him to bed with a sick bucket.

Five minutes later, he wandered into my room wearing nothing but a towel and decided my bed was the place to crash. He started yelling about RuneScape, before deciding he needed to puke, and wandered off to the bathroom. My other flatmates caught him stumbling back to my room with the towel held loosely in front of his junk whilst all I could do is watch in abject horror.

Had to awkwardly explain to them later on that I genuinely wasn’t trying to lure drunk guys into my room like some predatory creep.

Tashamon

29. If These Walls Could Talk…

I got my first kiss on the lips when I was about eight years old. That night, I went home and decided since things were heating up in my newfound relationship, that I ought to get to practicing. I decide the wall is a safe bet and begin to make out with it. Then I start whispering to the wall, pretending it is my third-grade boyfriend. I hear a floorboard creak and look over to see my grandma standing in the doorway.

She backs away, looking down at the ground. This has haunted me for so long and so deeply that I think about it at least once a week.

mrschestnyspurplehat

30. The Key to Good Calcium

Walking home from the gym, I often stop and pick up a ball of “Be Good to Yourself” mozzarella (in a bag filled with brine) from Sainsbury’s—low fat, high protein, pretty delicious. They also usually have a tear in the top so you can open them with your hands. I take that protein window seriously and so eat it on the way home.

This time, though, there was no tear at the top, so when I got to the trash bin, I pulled out my keys, stabbed the bag (very messy), ripped it open, pulled out the ball of mozzarella and then ate it. The problem was the guy in the truck I hadn’t noticed who saw a man in a tracksuit at night stab a ball of mozzarella with his keys, spraying liquid all over himself and the sidewalk, and then eat a whole ball of mozzarella.

Ad_Captandum_Vulgus

31. Actions Speak Louder Than Words, Officer

So basically, I do a bit of voice acting stuff for YouTube things. Needless to say, my recording setup is not very professional. I record on my phone in my car in whatever empty corners of parking lots I can find. So, one day, after grabbing breakfast somewhere, I go out and think “Well, the lot’s pretty empty… I’ll just record something real quick.”

So, I move my car to the far corner and start recording some things. As I record, I look around every now and then (don’t want anyone nearby because no thank you). I see a few employees hanging around the backside of the restaurant, looking toward me now and then… Well shoot, can they hear me? Welp, I’m almost done with these lines, I’ll just finish up and go.

So, I record another few things, start up my car, ready to go, put it in reverse, and actually turn around as I reverse instead of just looking in my rear-view mirror…and a cop is standing right there. An actual cop, standing next to his police car, 15 feet behind my car and off to one side. Looking directly at me. And I don’t know how long he’s been there.

To this day, I’m extremely glad I was recording some quiet, non-threatening lines that morning.

Amateur_WarriorVA

32. Building a Beat

I’ve been working with a contractor to renovate a small business in a fairly large complex of stores. Yesterday, I was exhausted after moving some heavy boxes and was just sitting on the floor. I picked up a wrench next to and started tapping it on the floor. I started to tap the intro to YYZ, and it just took me. So, I was just jamming out in my head while pounding the floor with this wrench.

Da nah nah nahnah nah nah danah nah nah nahnahna. I look up and this middle-aged woman has her face pressed against the wind and was just watching me. This was yesterday.

nine_toes

33. Such Thing as Too Personal a Break?

I was at alone at work, eating a bacon and egg white cheese wrap while browsing the internet on my Android. A Facebook friend sent me some booty twerk video. While I’m watching the video, the office phone rang. As I reached for the phone to take a message, mayonnaise squirted out of the wrap right on the crotch part of my jeans.

Frustrated, I put my Android down with video still playing. I reach for some water to wipe the mayonnaise off my jeans. As I’m wiping the mayo stains off the crotch of my jeans in a furious motion, my boss walks in with his seven-year-old daughter, with the twerk vid still playing. Turns out it was a “bring your kids to work” day.

Needless to say, I had a lot of explaining to do.

1dafullyfe

34. Dressed to Impress Some Confused Ideas

I met a couple and was their guest at their place for a month. Up until that, we had already met in Turkey (where I live) and were already good friends. I’m a HUGE FAN of Eastern Europe and Russia and cold winters. So, one morning at 7 AM when it was -22C (-7.5F) outside, I went upstairs to the “middle” and started boiling water.

Their house is big and normally, the family sleeps upstairs and we spend time together in the middle and my bedroom is downstairs. I generally go downstairs at around 10 PM and come upstairs no early than 11 AM. So, I’m boiling water in the kettle with another pot in my hand, in my winter jacket, boots and ushanka when she slowly comes downstairs, asking who I am.

I calmly say, “Hey, it’s just me. Boiling water for my experiment, no worries.” She just said, “Aha, OK.” but I will never forget her face. Imagine finding a dude in your kitchen at 7 AM in the morning, boiling water in full winter suit and acting like it’s all fine. When the water boiled, I went out to the yard and successfully completed my so-called experiment.

Yeah, if you splash water around when the weather is very cold, it really crystallizes mid-air. Watched so many videos and was absolutely stunned to see it live. NO REGRETS.

Rigelmeister

35. I’m Not Housebreaking You

There was one time, I was slightly intoxicated after hooking up. My girlfriend went to the bathroom, and my drunk self is lying in bed. Well, I laid on a dog collar and thought “Ow, what the heck…” and then picked it up and thought, “Does it hurt them that bad when it’s on?” Well, in my infinite wisdom, I thought it would be a good idea to put it on to make sure.

I put the collar on and made sure it wouldn’t prick them like it did to my back and she came back in as I was taking it off. I was naked, with a dog collar on, standing in the middle of the room. She wouldn’t believe me that I wanted to make sure it wasn’t going to cut him, even with the cut on my back.

bra1ntra1n

36. Is Yogurt That Good for Indigestion?

I used to do overnight receiving for a grocery chain in Canada, my job being the only person in the store while receiving was to unload the trucks and arrange the pallets of merchandise to the proper areas and start stocking the shelves once complete. Me being me, a fat idiot also loved food, I would keep an eye out for damaged yummy foods that would just get chucked in the trash bin.

To my shame, I would take the food and go scarf it down as fast as possible in the privacy of the handicap washroom. I would do this all the time and I ended up gaining a lot of weight there. Anyway, one shameful night to my glee I found a damaged large vanilla yogurt container and took it to my favorite gluttony station. As I’m chugging this yogurt right out of the container, I hear the door to the bathroom open and a deli worker that came in early sees me head-tilted, beard yogurt-ized, mid-chug.

We make eye contact. I stammer out something incoherent, and she wide-eyed and wordlessly just does a 180 and leaves. I still wonder if she tells her friends about the fat guy that she found chugging yogurt in the bathroom. Heck, I know I would.

AstartesJors

37. The Truth Doesn’t Hold Water and Neither Do I

So, I was 18 and on a party bus celebrating a friend’s birthday. You know the type with the poles and the rave lights and all that jazz. I was one of the only underage people in the group, so I was trying my best to get as drunk as possible before we got to the club. I succeeded but being young, I obviously acted like a fool. I was dancing with everybody, trying to hug and being friendly with everyone, because that’s the kind of drunk I am.

The bouncers realized I was intoxicated, and I was kicked out of the club. Because I had wandered off in my quest to be the friendliest drunk, none of my friends realized I was gone. Right about the time that I was firmly escorted to the door, my bladder decided to tell me how much I had drank. I had to go sooooo bad. I begged the security to let me use the bathroom inside, but alas, they were not sympathetic.

So, I walked around the parking lot and building hoping to find a nice bush or secluded area to squat. The place was packed though, there were tons of dudes and as a tiny- very drunk female I was scared to pull my pants down where anybody could see. I was getting desperate and cold. So, I went back to the bus, bladder ready to burst.

I sat in the back all alone, wondering if I should just risk it and go pee next to the bus or something. Then my eyes fell upon an empty Gatorade bottle. I sized up the wide (for a bottle) opening and decided it was this or nothing. My bladder was sore, and I was too tired to think it through. So, I carefully tried to position myself over the bottle to get it all in.

I didn’t want to pee in the nice bus, that seemed rude. I was too shaky and wobbly though, so I sat down and stuck the bottle against my hoo-ha. The relief was glorious, I had just relaxed into and started to feel proud of myself, when I heard a voice go “What are you doing?!” I’m very pee shy, so I immediately ceased peeing when I heard him.

Then the unknown man yelled, “Oh my god!” He sounded excited; I was mortified. I tried to explain, but the words wouldn’t come out. I wasn’t sure if it was better or worse to admit to peeing in a bottle, so I really struggled to deny what he was accusing me of. He ended up laughing at me, not believing me at all and then leaving.

I still don’t remember who he was, or if he was even with our group. I didn’t pay attention to his face and drunk me didn’t recognize his voice. But I wonder if he remembers me.

GushingBubbles

38. You Caught Me On My Gym Break

I used to work nights with one other person on shift doing IT support. This was in a big open plan office on the second floor. My colleague disappeared to the toilet, and I thought of a funny joke. To give some back story, we had these giant water jugs, that refill the water machines. We had previously messed around by doing some “weightlifting” with them on our lunch break.

I found an empty one, and lifted it above my head with one arm, waiting for him to come back through the door. I was expecting to jokingly show off my awesome feat of strength to him, but instead, another employee walked through the door, surprisingly early, at about 6:30 am. Usually, people didn’t turn up until after 7ish.

The lady saw me straight away as the line of sight from the door was clear and no one else was there. She just laughed and walked on to her desk. I laughed too. My colleague also laughed when I told him what happened.

dtzr

39. Marking Your Territory, Signing Your Crime

When I was 15 or so, my mom used to babysit the neighbor’s toddler. He was potty trained but sometimes reverted back to peeing on the floor. His parents had instructed my mom if he does it he goes to time out, and is not allowed TV the rest of night. I was watching a movie, and the kid started bugging out wanting to watch Elmo or something…my mom told me to give up the TV.

So, I went into the kitchen and peed on the floor, then went downstairs and waited. My mom came downstairs not long after and demanded answers, as apparently, it was just an unreasonable amount of urine to come from a baby. I ended up copping to all crimes. Stuff was weird for a little while.

saca304

40. None of Your Bloody Business

It was 3 am and 15-year-old me was taking a poop and got a bloody nose. Now for context, I get really bad nose bleeds and usually just keep my head up and it goes away. Well, I was bored. So, I thought, “What if I just keep my head down and let it drip?” I know…very stupid. Blood was all over the floor. I had every intent to just clean it up with tissues and flush it, no evidence of my little experiment.

What I didn’t know was that my mum was actually awake and was waiting for me to finish in the toilet for her turn. I didn’t lock the door because it was 3am and I didn’t think I needed to. Well…she opens the door…“Why are you taking so—” She sees the blood, starts freaking out. Thinks I’m either dead or dying. I start yelling trying to explain myself.

Mum starts crying thinking she’s going to lose her son. My sister walks out her room from the crying and the yelling. Sees the blood. Freaks out as well. After a bit of panic, I eventually explained my stupid experiment. I cleaned it up and we all went to bed. But I don’t think anybody slept after that traumatic experience.

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41. Taking My Dessert Break Early

I was called in to assist my wife with putting together a friend’s baby shower when her helper bailed at the last minute. My job was to prep the “dirty diaper game” which, if you’ve not heard of it, is played like this: an assortment of name brand candy bars and chocolates are unwrapped and then mushed into a diaper so as to resemble a baby’s dirty diaper.

The game participants then assess the contents of each “dirty” diaper and have a guess at what candy bar might be lurking within. Whoever has the most correct answers wins. Now, seeing that I was called in at the last minute, I had to complete the task while at work…So, there I was, in my office, 15 or so diapers laying open on my desk, sleeves rolled up, hurriedly rolling what appeared to be a gooey, nutty turd in my hands…when my boss walks in.

We make eye contact. He glances at my work, looks at me as though I am dangerously unstable, then slowly steps back out of the office without saying a word. We’ve never spoken of it since.

CaptainWisconsin

42. Good Art Comes From Inside

When I was six years old my mother used to babysit my neighbor Annie. Annie was a very artistic girl; she loved to color and draw everything she saw. One day, I was playing Star Fox 64 on my Nintendo 64 and Annie was watching. Of course, being too absorbed in the game, I never turned around to see her greatest work of art.

My mom walks in the room to check on us and lets out a scream…Annie had made a drawing of a triangular looking ship with a circle around it. It was Star Fox doing a barrel roll…except she didn’t make it with paint. She made it with poop.

neric05

43. It Takes One to Tango

As a teenager, after watching a cop show about a kidnapping, I got really curious about what it would be like to be tied up. With some flexibility and creativity, I managed to get myself gagged and pretty securely bound to a kitchen chair. I could still get loose but not without some wiggling. My mom came home early, and I couldn’t get loose in time. She FREAKED, thinking I had been robbed.

Then, when she untied me, I explained, she thought I was a freak. Haha.

brianoops

44. First Time is the Worst Time

Well…In high school, I was on the verge of losing my virginity to my girlfriend of two years who also happened to be my neighbor. The scene was set perfectly, both my parents were gone (dad was out of town and mom was working until nine) and I had just asked her to prom that day… So things are getting hot and heavy, and all the sudden I hear a noise downstairs, but assume it’s one of my cats wreaking havoc as usual.

Things continue and about a minute later my (extremely conservative) mom walks in, and as the door opens she lets out a faint scream and runs downstairs. BUSTED. Now while this moment was awful enough, after going downstairs to face my mother who had immediately called my (also very conservative) dad, she goes on a rant about how irresponsible I am and how protection doesn’t always work, and I’m proof of that.

So that’s the story of how my relationship was ruined (just got really awkward after that) and I found out I was an accident. Maybe the act itself isn’t anywhere near as embarrassing as some of the ones on here, but I swear the situation made it mortifying.

bluezfawkx

Sources: 1, 2


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