Defiant Facts About Charles VIII Of France, The Ogre King
Charles VIII of France might have been the ugliest ruler to ever claim the crown. But his enemies underestimated him at their peril.
1. He Looked Like An Ogre
Charles VIII was not exactly easy on the eyes. His ogre-like appearance, however, was no reason to underestimate him. It also didn’t stop him from becoming a rabid womanizer and one of the “most lewd men in France”. However, there was just one naysayer that Charles VIII couldn’t get the better of: a doorframe.
2. He Was The Only Surviving Heir
Charles VIII of France was born in June 1470. It’s doubtful that anyone would have called him a cute baby, but, unlike most of his siblings, at least he survived into adulthood. He was the only son born to King Louis XI and his wife, Charlotte of Savoy, to make it past the age of three. His enemies underestimated him from the beginning.
3. His Courtiers Doubted Him
Throughout his entire life, Charles VIII suffered from poor health—and even worse looks. Most of the courtiers and nobles that surrounded him believed that, like many of his older siblings, he would not make it into adulthood. They all turned out to be horribly wrong. Soon, they would be bowing at his feet.
Johns Hopkins University, CC BY-SA 4.0, Wikimedia Commons
4. He Was A Boy King
Charles VIII might not have had looks on his side, but he had luck. He ascended to the throne sooner than anyone had expected. After years of illness, his father King Louis XI passed away and left Charles VIII to fend for himself at just 13 years of age. No one believed that the ugly little ogre child could fill his father’s shoes.
5. He Was “Pleasant”
His poor health and mirror-shattering appearance aside, no one believed that Charles VIII was ready to succeed his father. While the courtiers around him thought that the young Charles VIII had a “pleasant disposition”, they did not think that he would be able to wear the crown. And not just because of his personality.
Michaelsanders , Wikimedia Commons
6. He Had A Massive Head
Weary is the head that wears the crown—unless that head is enormous and belongs to the boy king of France. According to contemporary sources, one of Charles VIII’s many deformities included a particularly large head. Unfortunately for Charles VIII, no one believed that his colossal cranium contained a bigger than average brain.
Kaho Mitsuki, CC BY-SA 4.0, Wikimedia Commons
7. He Was A Fool
Charles VIII was just a boy when it came time for him to take the throne. That didn’t spare him from harsh criticism.The conspiring courtiers around him whispered that he was too “foolish” and ill-equipped to deal with the serious matters of running France. Particularly given that they were surrounded by enemies on all sides.
8. His Sister Took Over
Those contemptible courtiers in France weren’t the only ones who lacked confidence in Charles VIII. Even his dearly departed father didn’t think that his only surviving son was ready to wear the crown. As such, Louis XI had named Charles VIII’s older sister, Anne, as regent until the ogre child came of age.
But Charles was more powerful than anyone knew.
9. He Wanted His Crown Back
Whereas everyone believed that Charles VIII was too “foolish” to be king, his sister was the exact opposite. Louis XI praised his daughter as “the least foolish woman in France”. But while everyone at court praised Anne as “formidably intelligent” and “shrewd”, Charles VIII plotted in the background to assert his power.
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10. His Father Arranged His Marriage
Probably fearing that his ugly son wouldn’t be able to find a suitable match, Louis XI arranged a marriage for Charles VIII before he passed. In an attempt to secure France’s borders, Louis XI promised Charles VIII to Margaret of Austria, daughter of the future Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I.
But Charles VIII didn’t need help finding a woman.
11. He Wanted Another Woman
Fortunately for Charles VIII, when his father had arranged his marriage, the bride-to-be was barely out of diapers. Charles VIII’s betrothed, Margaret of Austria, was just three years old at the time of the engagement. That meant that he had plenty of time to go rampaging through Europe’s boudoirs to find a woman he preferred.
12. He Was Opportunistic
Throughout his reign, Charles VIII always knew how to make the best of a bad situation. So, when Francis II, Duke of Brittany fell off of his horse and passed away, Charles VIII saw an opportunity. He was about to turn Francis II’s bad luck into his own good fortune—and weasel his way out of his undesirable pre-arranged marriage in the process.
