Nothing But Net: Epic Moments Of Pure, Sweet Triumph
If only there was a way to bottle the feeling that comes from triumphant moments as epic as these.
From brutal clapbacks to harebrained schemes that actually worked, these everyday conquerors know better than anyone that nothing tastes as good as sweet, sweet victory.
1. Mind Games
My old boss tried firing me because I was better than them at their job. I tricked them into saying it out loud, in front of the CEO. Let's just say they don't need to worry about me being better than them anymore.
2. Blood-Red Righteousness
Eighth grade, entire class against me, saying blood is blue until it oxidizes and turns red. Our teacher came in and literally asked "Are you all stupid? Blood is red, inside and outside. Wanna see my colonoscopy video?"
I want to say I wasn't smug...but I totally was.
3. Foam Shooter
I had someone do that thing where they tap the top of your beer bottle to cause it to foam up and explode everywhere. I just pointed my bottle at the person and let it explode on them. Sure, I lost a beer, but they were covered in it and smelled like it for the rest of the night.
4. A Crucial Clerical Error
I was in an accident a few years ago. It was definitely the other guy’s fault. He got a ticket for an unsafe left turn, and I got a ticket because I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. In the section on the ticket, the cop inadvertently wrote, “Did wear seatbelt while operating motor vehicle.” When I got to court, the judge asked how I wanted to plead, and I decided what the heck, go for broke.
I asked the judge if I could ask a question first, and he said sure. I stated, “The ticket says I did wear my seatbelt while operating my motor vehicle, and if that's the case, I want to plead guilty.”
The judge looks down at the ticket, and looks back at me and says, “Case dismissed! Have a good day.”
