These Jerks Got What Was Coming
We shouldn't ruin someone's day. That's not a very nice thing to do. Except...when the person in question gives us absolutely no choice. A horrible, entitled customer. A screaming, spoiled-rotten brat. The most frustrating people on earth.
In these cases, when the opportunity presents itself, you're actually legally obligated to ruin their day in the most brutal way possible.
1. The Principle Of The Thing
I worked as a database administrator for a community center one summer in university. Basically, I created a database for them to track who was donating to them and how much they were donating, as well a who was volunteering, and for how many hours.
Very simple work and despite being the youngest person on staff, I got along well with my co-workers. Well, except for one horrible person. My immediate boss, who was a total piece of work. The next spring, I was applying for jobs and e-mailed my old boss to ask for a letter of recommendation. Much to my surprise, she told me that she didn't write recommendation letters "out of principle". I was pretty ticked off about it because I was finding it very difficult to find a position.
Not being able to count on my most recent employer for a reference was a definite blemish on my resume. However, in spite of this, I managed to land a decent job. Lo and behold, I got to get revenge on day one of my new job.
That day, my boss happened to email me about a problem at my old work with the database I had worked on.
She had moved some files around, rendering it impossible for her to access the database. She asked if I would come in. I had the perfect reply. I e-mailed her back and told her I already had a job and couldn't do it "out of principle". From the center's perspective, it effectively made my entire summer a waste of time. Hey, what can you do?
2. Self-Defense
A few years back, I was the assistant manager at my karate studio. It was a slow, quiet day when in walked Paul, my old bully from public school. I wasn't sure it was him at first. It had been a long time, and it was hard to tell.
I didn't say anything. Paul was interested in joining the dojo, so I showed him around, discussed pricing, etc.
At the end of the tour, Paul decided to join our dojo. We sat down in the office and he filled out the paperwork. When he wrote his name out on the application, I knew for sure that this was, indeed, my old enemy. The guy who used to torment me every single weekday. Who made me kneel in dog poop. That's when I came up with an ingenious plan.
I still didn't say anything until after he had pre-paid me for an entire year's membership. As I walked him to the door, I smiled. "I'm really looking forward to training with you," I said. "Thanks, me too," Paul said. I then said: "
You don't recognize me, do you?" He replied: "No, should I?" I said: "Yes. We went to school together, grades three through eight. You bullied me every day, and made my life miserable. Can't wait to see you in class".
Paul went white, and walked out without saying another word. He never walked back in. He willingly threw away a year's membership payment, almost $500, rather than have to be in the same class with me.
That was one of the single greatest moments of my life. Karma is a beautiful thing, even if it happens many years down the road.
3. Bridezilla, Meet Mia
This is one of my favorite “screw it” stories. I used to work at a country club. There was a girl, let’s call her Mia, who had worked there for three or four years before me.
Mia was told she was to replace the wedding manger immediately when she started, but had YET to be given the job after all that time. She confided in me that she was done and ready to quit and this would be her last wedding.
I told her to do what was best for her. The country club hosted a lot of weddings and we would always rotate the girls who would take care of the bride and anything she needed.
I did it four or five times and only had one bride who was slightly demanding, but poor Mia had the worst luck and always got the bridezillas.
Mia was one of the NICEST people I ever met, by the way. So I was in the lobby setting up for cocktail hour. The hall to my left had two doors, a closet and the bridal suite.
Mia and the bride were in the hall and I heard the bride start yelling at Mia about water. They were standing in the hall so I watched the whole thing go down.
Bride: “I ASKED FOR COLD WATER! THIS WATER IS ROOM TEMPERATURE! CANT YOU DO THE ONE THING IM ASKING YOU TO DO?” Mia: “Ma’am you asked for a bowl of ice and a pitcher of room temperature water. You asked to put the ice in yourself.
You didn’t want me to touch it”.
Bride: “WATER IS COLD! EVEN ROOM TEMPERATURE WATER ISNT THAT WARM! IM THE BRIDE! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY! THAT IS WHY YOU ARE HERE ISNT!? TO SERVE ME!” The next part was so good, it’s unforgettable. Mia: (smiles and clears her throat) “Ma’am, I have gotten you water three times now I’m sorry it is not to your liking, but you know what’s not to my liking? YOU."
"YOU FREAKING JERK! YOUR DRESS IS HIDEOUS! YOUR WEDDING IS HIDEOUS! PURPLE AND PALE GREEN!? WHAT ARE YOU?! BARNEY?! YOU LOOK LIKE BARNEY IN THAT DRESS!! SCREW YOU! I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE, I DON’T NEED THIS FROM YOU BARNEY!”
She then storms to the office, hands over her name tag and fob, and leaves the bride in tears. Mia works at a college in North Carolina now. I miss her.
4. Get Mature, Kid
I worked at a Kmart in high school. It was a small store, so I worked everything: electronics, stocking, cashier—you name it, I did it.
One day, I asked a woman and her son, who was about 12 or 13, if they needed help finding anything as I was out on the floor. For some reason, the kid immediately calls me out for annoying him.
I ignore it and go about my business, but I think he's a little jerk.
Right after that, I get called to checkout. As I'm working there, here comes the pair. The kid has gone all out back in the electronics area, with some EA sports titles and a GTA game. I'm checking them out when the age prompt comes up for the M-rated game. I decide to take a chance and show the jerk a little karma. I flip the game over and inform the mother that "This game has been rated M for the following reasons" and read the list off the back of the case.
There is a long, awkward silence, and then she angrily informs me that the son said it was only a "little violent," and he must have lied to her. Kid wasn't able to get anything that day.
