“We Bumped Into Her Husband” And Other First Date Stories From Our Nightmares
When a first date goes well, you feel like you're walking on air. Unfortunately for these people, that ...didn't happen. These first date stories are not about those match made in heaven moments.
Instead, they're full of awkward moments, embarrassing encounters, and just plain creepy people. Strap in: These are the worst first dates of all time.
1. Pick A Good One
A guy told me he really liked to snuggle with his mom. He was almost 30 years old.
2. Meal Ticket
This is back in the prehistoric era known as the mid-1990s when I was 19. I met a cute redhead at a party and instantly asked her out. So we go out to dinner, her pick, and she chooses Marie Callendars (I'm like WTF? But hey supercheap date).
The entire time we are there nothing but silence though she orders a huge meal and I'm thinking she has the metabolism of a race horse to be that skinny and eat so much food.
Our meal shows up and she goes down on the pot roast like a savage and in between bites she regales me with how she lost her job and is living in a rundown house that has a leaky roof, the powers been turned off, oh and she and her LESBIAN girlfriend have been starving (her emphasis not mine).
With that revelation, I'm struck speechless and don't really know what to do. She has her leftovers boxed up (plenty for her girlfriend) and dashes before the bill is even presented to me. At least we were too young to drink. Some friends confirmed her story and I was the butt of some jokes for awhile. Even at the time I found the whole thing surreal and hilarious. At least shortly afterward.
3. A Horrifying Experience
I used to be a waiter at Olive Garden. One time, a couple was there on a blind date. At one point, the dude went to the bathroom and didn’t come out. Thirty minutes later, an ambulance shows up.
He had apparently taken something in the bathroom, overdosed, and passed. The girl was traumatized. Yeah, we all went home early that day.
4. The Zombie Apocalypse
I'd been interested in my cute co-worker for a while but we were just friends and that was fine. Still, we hung out a lot and eventually one night we got drinks after work and things escalated. Fast forward to later that night.
We're both asleep at her place. Now, I hadn't been sleeping well all that week partially because of her dragging me out with her.
And when I'm sleep deprived, I have very strange dreams and am prone to sleep walking/talking. In my dream I'm walking done this tunnel, like a metro tunnel. I see this girl on the ground crying. She's got no clothes.
I ask her what's wrong and she lunges at me. She was a zombie or something. She wraps her corpse arms around me and I throw her off and start yelling.
That's what I was seeing. I was fighting for my life. In real life, it was ten times worse. What had actually happened outside of the dream was she tried to cuddle with me and I responded by freaking out and literally throwing her out of the bed. She screamed and that partially woke me up but I'm still mostly in the dream.
She asks me what's wrong and I just start yelling things. “Who are you? Where's your clothes? Get away from me!” I woke up fully as she was storming out of the room. She thought I was trying to be a jerk, I suppose. I was absolutely mortified.
No joke, I felt awful. I thought I blew it. Once I went out and explained what happened, she thought it was hilarious and came back.
