The Pettiest Divorce Cases
Great parents teach their children how to be good people. They show kids how to be kind and respectful toward others. But what happens when mom and dad’s relationship breaks down and they’re not-so-great to each other?
The following stories show us that some parents could use a serious time-out.
1. No Dish Towel Left Behind
I recently had the job of notarizing a form for a divorcing couple. The contents of the form really surprised me. It was the silliest letter I've ever come across. It listed the division of their belongings down to the tiniest detail, like, "Josh gets the three black dish towels, Tina keeps two coffee mugs from the San Diego Zoo". The list was full of such arbitrary items.
It went on to include things like a can opener from a Christmas set, a fresh pack of Oral-B toothbrush heads, an unused $50 gift card from Applebees, a silver reading light with a page clip, and so on.
I had to wonder what was going through their minds.
The icing on the cake was that they were in the midst of a heated debate over who gets what while I was there notarizing the form.
2. A Dog’s Life
While I was studying law, I took up an internship at a family law clinic. Most of my clients were pretty sensible, but I often saw some hugely spiteful and awful behavior from others at the courthouse. One particular incident was incredibly shocking.
There was this guy who won custody of the family dog in his divorce. He threatened to put down the dog if he wasn't given more time with his kids.
His argument was that without the kids, the dog wouldn't receive the care it required, and thus, it would be in the dog's best interest to be gone.
The mother of his children made a heartfelt appeal to the judge, showing photos of their children playing with the dog and videos of their kids expressing their affection for the pet.
It was evident that they'd be heartbroken if the dog was euthanized. The judge attempted to reason with the man, but she couldn't do much.
The divorce agreement considered the dog as the man's property, meaning he could do whatever he wished with it, as long as he didn't break the state's anti-neglect laws.
Eventually, to save the dog's life, his ex-wife gave in and allowed him to see their children almost every weekend of the month.
The judge deserves praise for rebuking the man like I've never seen before or ever since in my legal career. She warned him to look after both the dog and his kids carefully, as she would be keeping a close eye on the situation.
She mentioned that, should anything unfortunate happen to the dog, she would swiftly call for a hearing to reassess his visitation privileges, hinting that the revised schedule could be massively unfavorable for him.
That day, I decided that being a family lawyer just wasn't for me.
3. The Travel Bug
I used to work at a law firm that specialized in family issues. I remember this one couple who painstakingly put together a separation agreement. After months filled with meetings, mediations, countless letters and revised drafts, they figured things out. Well, mostly. There was just one absurdity.
They were unable to agree on who gets the air miles, of all things. Believe it or not, this minor issue forced them to take the matter to court. All that fuss just over some airline miles.
4. School Daze
A couple ended up barring their child from college; they were too engrossed in squabbling about who'd foot the bill to consider jointly signing for his tuition loans.
It must be asked, why hadn't either parent raised this issue half a year prior when they knew their son was college-bound?
Their shared response was blaming the other for failing to discuss the imminent tuition fees. Curiously, they were both aware of the due dates for months, yet each presumed the other would handle payment.
Notably, they didn't bring their dispute to court until it was too late to pay for the upcoming semester.
Speculation suggests the unfortunate kid had to secure loans single-handedly—the predicament he's in now, who's to say?
Ironically, the feuding parents each shelled out an amount equal to the tuition for legal fees, only for the court to command that they split their son's educational costs. A word of advice—divorce is not the solution.
