Father, I Have Sinned: True Confessions
Giving and hearing confessions is cathartic. Nobody wants to keep their secrets bottled up inside, never to see the light of day—no matter how dark, disturbing, or bizarre they might be.
So sit down, grab a glass of something good, and be prepared to experience some instant relief as these Redditors spill all the things they’ve never admitted until now.
1. Closer And Less Comfortable
I don't really know how to get into this but I'll start by laying out a few details. So I've been dating this girl for about four months now and she is amazing (up until I found out about this).
Like seriously amazing, we’ve both fallen hard for each other, I've met her family and she's met my limited family and it's been going great.
She stays over a couple of times a week and I love her company and I'm very much in love with her. So finding out about this hit me quite hard and I've felt really weird since. I don't want to get into too much detail because it's overall a pretty bizarre situation, but basically at the start of the week she was at my place and we were chilling and she goes off to take a shower, which is normal after a day of work.
So I'm chilling in my room when I realize I need to pee. I go to the bathroom and walk into a room where I'm engulfed in the smell of poop and also it's steamy as heck in there.
I'm taken aback and trying to make sense of it because the toilet lid is down but the smell is so strong. I ask my girlfriend if she's okay, she says she's great and she's nearly done she's just trying to get rid of “this.”
At this point, I'm horrified and as I approach the shower curtain (it's a black curtain so I can't see anything) I kind of realize what she's done. I pull back the curtain and she faces me to smile at me and I look down and there's about half a poop clogging up the drain and she's clearly been trying to stomp it down. I had a lot of emotions running through my head all at once.
Horror, disgust, and surprise. Mainly at her normal reaction of me walking in on her trying to waffle stomp a poop down the freaking drain. I just couldn't get my head around how cool and collected she was.
I basically just said what the heck are you doing, and to be honest her reply was more of surprise at my reaction of seeing what she was doing, as in she didn't see the big deal about it and didn't get why I was so horrified.
It was so weird. I left the bathroom, obviously, and we had a talk about it and she thought it was a normal thing to do. She needed a poop and just went for it.
Apparently, she was raised in a household where that was a normal thing to do and I just couldn't comprehend it. After a while talking, she reassured me she didn't do it all the time but just whenever she needed a poop while in the shower.
I tried explaining that this was definitely not a normal or a cool thing to do whatsoever and she kind of flipped it back on me as if I was shaming her and got upset.
Like I said, I love this girl but this has properly rocked me and I don't know what to do. I had to get this off my chest as I don't feel like telling anyone else and embarrassing her further.
2. A Golden Oldie
The most important thing to remember in this story is that this was my first girlfriend, and I was quite sheltered growing up.
So about four years ago, I had just started dating a girl (we were both seniors in high school) and, as dumb teenagers do, we found ourselves making out in her car.
It was pretty hot and heavy, although all our clothes were on and we were slow to get handsy.
After about 10-15 minutes of this, I moved my hands on her jeaned thigh and started to move it up her leg. As I got closer to her crotch, I started to feel something wet. Like, really wet. I got confused for a second. Then she said, "
Oh my god, you made me so wet babe!!" AND I BELIEVED HER. Her pants were SOAKED around the crotch.
Being the dumb 17-year-old that I was, I actually thought that it was possible—and even more far-reaching, that I was capable—of making a girl do this so much that her jeans could soak through.
We ended up just laughing about it, and I took her home so she could change with no further action that night. Well, the relationship ran its course with no similar incidents, and we broke up.
However, over the years I kept the story to myself to save her any embarrassment, but in my mind, that story was one of my greatest achievements. The absolute GOD that I am was able to turn a girl into a darn waterfall with nothing but kissing.
I was a legend. Fast forward to tonight, I'm recently married and haven't seen my ex in years.
A couple of my friends, one in particular, was close to her for a while after we broke up but ultimately their friendship fizzled out as well. I happen to be hanging out with this friend and a few others tonight, and we heard the song “WAP”
come on in the background. We made some jokes about how weird the song was, and I was reminded of my story.
I decided, since it had been some years since anyone had talked to her, I could safely share the story with my friends for a laugh. About halfway through the story, the friend that used to be close to my ex BUSTED out laughing. Between laughs, he breathed out: "I've heard this story before." You know where this is going. Apparently, my ex REALLY had to pee before she got in the car, didn't tell me she needed to, and then when we started kissing, she lost all bladder control but was too scared to admit what happened. My ego hurts tonight, man.
3. Gotta Catch 'Em All
I have a five-year-old son. He's the light of my life, and means the world to me. I got divorced from his mother two years ago, and have a little less than 50% custody; it hurts me every day I don't have him, but I make do. I do my best to always "
do what's right" when raising him. But lately, I've been lying to my son, regularly and often.
Pretty much every day I have him. You see, recently he has taken a shining to Pokemon. We watch the old ones on Netflix, he has a Cubone Pokeball made out of legos I bought him, and he loves Pikachu.
I want to get him an old Nintendo 2DS or, ideally, a Switch, but can't afford one right now. Because of this, I downloaded Pokemon Go.
He. Loves. It. I set him up with an account on my phone, and when he got sad about not having any friends, I made an account on my work phone so we can trade gifts.
He has asked me to catch Pokemon he doesn't have when I'm at work or when he's at his mom's house. I did for the first couple days, but seeing his face light up when he catches a new one made me stop.
So now I tell him I look for new ones but don't find any, when in reality I just catch at least one he already has once a day to keep his streak going. I can't stand to miss seeing his reaction when he gets a new one he hasn't seen yet.
It absolutely makes my day. I also sometimes catch multiple ones he already has just so he can get more candies and level his Pokemon up.
He thinks they just give him more because he's a good trainer. I do not dispute this, and say that they must know how much he cares about his Pokemon and how he takes good care of them.
I also told him that even though we don't have a Pikachu, I'll catch one if I ever see one. But I lied. I have one on my account, and purposefully didn't get it on his.
You should see the way he lights up at catching a weedle, or a swablu, or a nosepass, or some other minor one. I don't want to miss what his reaction will be when we finally get his Pikachu.
I want to have him there to celebrate instead of just catch him one. I can't wait until we get that little yellow guy. So I lie, every day, to my son. About Pokemon.
4. Keeping It Hush-Hush
I have cancer. I was recently brought up to speed on my condition and what the survival rate looks like for someone in my position (stage IV cancer, spread throughout).
It's next to 0, and I'm a realist so my days are numbered to just a handful of years at most in some of the best-case scenarios.
I've been in a relationship with a woman who's been through a tremendous amount of painful losses and setbacks recently in her life.
She's made it clear that I've gotten her through some very rough patches and that imagining a life with me has made it easier for her to move past those events and consider a future for herself. She still doesn’t know.
I don't have many regrets in life and I consider myself very privileged to have seen the things I've seen, visited the places I've been, and loved the people I've loved. It sounds strange, but I'm kind of ready.
The only thing that is breaking my heart is that I have no idea how to break this to the person who has attached her orbit to a dying star unknowingly.
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