Absolutely Perfect Comebacks
It's not very often that we come up with the perfect comeback on the spot. But when it does happen, it's simply magical. These Redditors shared the most epic burns they've ever witnessed, and the results are legendary.
As a warning: these burns are so piping hot that they might scorch your screen, so buckle in for a wild ride.
1. Driving Her Point Home
I was in the grocery store with my girlfriend, and she lightly bumped her cart into a middle-aged guy’s cart by accident. She apologized, and the guy goes “Oh don’t worry, you know what they say about female drivers”. Without missing a beat, she delivered a legendary smackdown. She replied, “Yeah, the same thing they say about elderly ones”.
I had to sprint away because I almost lost it. I have never seen an entitled old guy look so gobsmacked.
2. Confidence Booster
Whole class was talking in Economics class with a substitute teacher who decided that she didn't want us enjoying our lives in her abysmal presence. So she said that we were to work quietly and may only talk if we were discussing the work at hand.
At the time, we were studying the impacts of unemployment on an economy on a micro and macro scale.
Anyway, everyone slowly picked up the conversations again, but quiet at first. The table I was at with my mates were listening to one of the guys talk about how he went to visit his brand new niece who had only just been born.
The teacher noticed we were getting a bit louder than the rest of the room so she called us out.
"Table in the middle, that doesn't sound like you are talking about economics". All of a sudden, I knew exactly what to say. I replied with "Yes we are miss, his niece is unemployed". The whole class lost it. I was a legend that day.
3. How A Nurse Became A Legend
This woman has just given birth and tore a bit, and the father was in the delivery room while the nurse stitched her up. The father “jokingly” said, “Be sure and stitch her up nice and tight for me down there”.
Without missing a beat the nurse said, “Just how small do you need it to be, sir?” The nurse was a legend on the floor for that.
4. Best. Burn. Ever.
Now, I have two younger siblings, a sister and the youngest, a brother. Anyway, when we were younger my brother, who was in the annoying, no-filter teen phase would tease my sister.
He’s not a bad guy now, but was a little brat at that age and will admit it. He would be the first, even at that age to knock a kid down for teasing any of his older sisters.
This time they were going at it and he was teasing her about how she was the 'mistake' child and wasn't planned. And she would retort that FedEx dropped him off. It was very funny to watch. My brother was taking things a little too far and it was no longer funny but annoying to my sister. That’s when my mom came down and laid down the law.
With a completely straight face pointed at me first, then my sister, then him, while saying about each of us, "No, she was a surprise, she was unplanned, you were the mistake". and then calmly walked off to the kitchen to get a drink. My dad poked his head around the corner from the computer just stunned with his mouth open and began to laugh.
My brother, who couldn't help but smile, also had to try and save himself from that savage burn but it was too late. Best. Burn. Ever.
