Brutally Terrible Birthday Gifts

Expectations are high on birthday, and that can often lead to disappointment. However, we can't really blame high expectations for just how much these terrible gifts sucked. They earned that all on their own.

1. Partying Was Such Sweet Sorrow

I was celebrating my 31st birthday—and that’s when I came to a serious turning point in my marriage. I told my wife that I didn’t want any gifts and that I would rather spend time with her. So, the night before my birthday, she let me take her out to dinner at a very nice and pricey restaurant. She spent the entire time on her phone on Twitter and Facebook—but then it got even more unpleasant.

The next night, she threw me a birthday party. She invited her friends. I got to do all the cooking and cleanup from it while she patted herself on the back. I'm very happy that she is now my ex-wife.

The Worst Birthday Gift EVER


2. The Flowers And The Fury

My family doesn’t have a lot of money, so I don't normally get a lot of stuff for my birthday or anything really. I'm normally totally fine with this, with the exception of my 15th birthday.

I woke up that morning to see flowers—nice flowers—on the counter with a card. I immediately went to thank my dad for doing something so thoughtful, but I was wrong. They were for my stepmom.

He was able to spend the money on my stepmom, but he wasn’t even able to get me a card for my birthday.

The Worst Birthday Gift EVER


3. She Would Sock It To Me Every Time

I had an aunt who always gave me the worst presents on earth. Since my parents raised me to always be thankful, I would never say or do anything about it, as that would be disrespectful.

She had a habit of buying socks from a bargain store—six for a dollar—and I'd get one pack. They were so cheap they would get holes on the first use.

On my 15th birthday, she handed me a wrapped box. I was tentative and tore the paper off. It was an OKI dot matrix cartridge for a printer I did not even own. So I smiled, told her I appreciated it—and truly did—because anything was better than those socks—and figured I could return it to Staples for a $5 store credit. Well, I was in for an even more unpleasant surprise.

Later that night, I opened the box to make sure everything was in there, and there were socks stuffed in it. I put a pair on, and the ankle section ripped off in my hand and came up to my knee.

The Worst Birthday Gift EVER


4. This Gift Tanked

When I was around eight or so, there was nothing I wanted more than a fish tank for my bedroom. Naturally, my mom didn’t want to get me a live animal that would require care and attention, because she didn't think I was up to it.

So, instead, she got me a VHS tape of fish that swam across a TV screen. She thought it was hilarious and still brings it up every chance she gets.

The Worst Birthday Gift EVER