“The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.”—Jessica Lange.
“In a child’s eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.”—N.K. Jemisin.
Being a mother is one of the most beautiful things in the world while simultaneously being one of the hardest. And given how hard it can be to be a mother, sometimes children see their moms doing things that seem completely out of the ordinary and completely crazy. But they only think that because they’re not mothers! Being a mother requires women to simply do what they’ve got to to do, regardless of how it looks to the outside world. That also means there are some good stories floating around about crazy things mothers have done, and the users of Reddit have come through with some great stories. Good or bad, these moms have done some absolutely bonkers stuff.
44. Taking The Ticket
My mom was once driving me around town when I was little while she ran errands, and she was pulled over for speeding. She is an elected official and has a badge that she keeps hidden in her wallet. The police officer saw the badge and was ready to let my mom leave. My mom being the crazy person she is insisted that the officer write her a ticket for speeding because I was in the car and she didn’t want to set a bad example for me. I was around eight at the time and would have been none the wiser if my mom had not caused an absolute scene while insisting that she receive a full ticket for her transgression.
43. Picking Up Granny
Okay, so, my grandmother was cremated and she wished to be scattered in a certain river. My grandfather had other plans and scattered her in a spot where teens were known to party—he never actually got her in the river. So my mother took it upon herself to go in the night to recover her. Cue her opening the door at 3am covered in sand, holding a bag of grandma. She had scooped her up in a fanny pack and we interned her in a nice urn until we could get to the proper scattering site. So yeah, that.
42. Crafted Kick Out
When my parents were getting divorced she lost her mind and pretty much threw every item of clothing my dad owned onto the front lawn.
But first, she cut little bits out of everything.
Snipped the ends off ties.
Cut one sleeve off half way up.
Small squares cut out of jackets and pants.
It was honestly amazing. My mom is awesome though, it’s literally the only time I’ve ever seen her lose her cool.
41. Momma Knocked Out A Seagull
When I was a kid, my mom took me and my little brother to a park for a picnic. I was eating a cookie when a seagull, like the assholes that they are, swooped down and tried to steal it out to my hand. I didn’t let go and it started to get aggressive and attack me. That’s when my mom came in with hands of maternal fury and punched the gull dead center. He shrieked and flew off. To this day I’ve never seen anyone else get in a fistfight with a bird.
40. 30 Pounds Is A Lot For A Weapon
We took in a cousin of mine in while his parents (my mom’s brother and his wife) divorced. He took all his frustration out on me.
My mom put us on a scale; he weighed 30 pounds more than me. She told us I could use anything up to 30 pounds to defend myself.
A baseball bat doesn’t weight anywhere near 30 pounds.
39. Rampage Over A Turtle Rampage
My mom once got out of the car at a stop light to walk up to the driver’s side window of the truck in front of us so she could scream bloody murder at him until the light turned green. He had intentionally swerved to run over a box turtle along the side of the road.
38. Late Night Courage
I was having a fire in the backyard with a friend. Early in the night I saw a shadow of someone in a yard over, told my friend. He said nah, I don’t see anything. Yes. There’s a man there. A couple hours later I see the same man, only this time from another neighbor’s yard. Friend gets to take a look and scares the guy off. We decide to call it a night.
Our dogs (who had been inside) bark when they hear the side gate as I let me friend out. Mom wakes up, asks what’s happening. I tell her about the creeper. She grabs a flashlight, hands me the phone and says “call 911 if you hear anything wrong!”
Armed with just a flashlight, wearing the tank top and panties she’d been sleeping in, she runs outside to look for the creep!
Turned out to be my ex-bf stalking me. Cops were called. But I will always remember her running out there with nothing but a flashlight and a mom’s courage, and thinking “she’s crazy.”
37. Stopping For Quarters
We were driving down the road once when I was younger. My mom suddenly pulls into a random driveway and jumps out of the car and starts walking down the street the way we came. She bends down to pick something up. She comes back to the car with a coin in her hand and says “I knew I saw a quarter on the sidewalk.”
36. Getting School By Mom
My mam was a very good football player in her youth. Growing up in Dublin though there was no future for her and she ended up being a shop worker most of her life.
When I was about 15, we were playing soccer on the street. It was late evening and my mam was coming around the corner, home from a 12-hour shift. We used to play with a tennis ball to try and boost our control.
As she walked around the corner the ball came to her. Not missing a beat she took it down on her chest and flicked it over one of the lad’s head, she then dropped the shoulder and nearly broke my mate’s ankle as she jinked him and then proceeded to smash the ball into the top corner past me without me even moving.
She would have been 53 at the time and did it all in her works shoes and uniform, carrying her handbag.
We just all stood there in silence as she just pottered off into the house.
Class is permanent.
35. Driven Down The Stairs
Not evil crazy, but stupid crazy.
My mum can’t drive for crap. She has:
- Driven down a flight of stairs because she thought it was the car park entrance.
- Reversed into a table that somebody was moving.
- Gotten wedged half off a retaining wall after driving forward instead of reversing.
She has also scratched her eye twice. Once on an envelope and another time at the store on those metal hooks you hang stuff off.
34. Aladdin Prejudices
Oh, so many things, but the one that comes to mind:
I was engaged, and my mother decided to buy me my wedding suit as a wedding present. I took my fiancée along because really her opinion is the one that matters. She had met my mother before, but only briefly. This was her first real outing with her.
Everything is going fine. We have a nice white man (yes, it’s important) helping us, and he’s showing us different suits. We find one we like and we are almost out of there when the man who is helping us gets called away, so he asks a fellow employee to help us. This employee is Middle Eastern and is on the more flamboyant side. He had the name “Mark” prominently displayed on his name tag.
“Ooohhh, Aladdin!” my mother squeals in his face. “Aladdin is going to help us.”
“My name is Mark,” he politely says, “and I’d be happy to help you.”
“No, you’re an Aladdin. Can you help us find a suit for my son’s wedding, but nothing too floofy. He is marrying a woman, you see.”
This continues for some time. Finally, we pick a suit, and now we are getting measured for tailoring.
“How does my son’s butt look in the suit, Aladdin? Don’t look too long…”
She also assured him that she’s fine with the fact he’s gay—he never discussed his sexuality, but he was flamboyant, so it could be likely—because then he’s not blowing himself up on a donkey.
And that’s how my wife was introduced to the family.
33. You Don’t Like Mom When She’s Angry
One time because I didn’t tell my mom what was making me upset, she literally hulked out and ripped her shirt off.
I still didn’t tell her what was wrong, but there was now an additional problem of seeing the angriest half-naked woman in existence.
32. Missing The Joke
So, years ago I used to write travel blogs, way back before YouTube came out. I guess people liked my essays as the website had a ton of hits and the forum had about 2k members.
One day my mother said she’d love to read my stuff and I don’t know what came over me but I agreed and sent her the link. The stories were all very tongue-in-cheek and full of dirty humor, a young guy’s tales of exploration with lots of naughty sex stories thrown in, etc.
Fun reading if you’re in your 20s but possibly a little bit of a stretch to enjoy for an ex-businesswoman who’d spent most of her life taking everything very seriously.
Anyway, I was traveling at the time so I completely forgot I’d even told her about it. Two years pass and I return back to the UK. She’s acting kind of funny all the way from the airport to the house but I put it down to the long absence from each other.
After dinner that evening she suddenly starts looking all mopey at the floor and with a sigh, suddenly tells me how sorry she is that she didn’t financially support me through my hard times during my travels. She looks as if she’s going to start bawling so I’m pretty taken aback. I didn’t struggle that hard, I tell her, but she reiterates that if only she’d known the things that I had to do to get by, she’d have pitched in more.
Now, I’m definitely scratching my head so I ask to be more specific about what she read. She pulls up my website and clicks on the link to one of the essays and points to one particular line which went something akin to; “—so there I was in the States, broke, you know, doing part-time jobs, bartending, being a busboy, hell anything I could take and I sucked a few dirty old you-know-whats and rented my butt to a few guys…”
Mentally, I did a Chandler. Oh. My. God. First, again…what in HELL was I thinking letting her read that filth?? Secondly, it was clearly a joke—anyone who’d read my stuff and knew the ebb and flow of my writing would have thought as much, but out of context…maybe not.
I guess my mother, whose idea of ‘risque’ is So You Think You Can Dance?, bless her soul, had entirely accepted that I, for two years, had financed my globetrotting via sex, and she had been biting her lip about my ‘sexuality’ and keeping it under her hat for the day when we’d meet again face to face.
It took me forever to convince her it was just playful humor. I think she’s still doubtful even now. Been married 12 years but every time I mention a male friend she says “if you ever feel the need, it’s ok to come out—I’ll never judge you.”
31. Slipper Run
My brother was misbehaving so my mom wanted to hit him with her slipper. I was in the bathroom pooping so when I came out I was surprised no one was home. I looked out the window and saw my brother running across an empty field and my mom chasing him with the slipper in hand. Funniest sight I ever had.
30. The Only Rule Is To Make Some Mistakes
Oh, my mother. Love her to bits but she definitely has shaped her own category of how to be a parent.
First off, she works and has worked 60-70 hours a week my entire life. She loves her job, and that’s why she’s there so much. Wasn’t really around the house, but when she was, she was drinking Coke by the can and watching Forensic Files. Stopped using a babysitter for my younger brother and me when I turned 8. Set no house rules or curfews. Said, “Rules don’t make men, mistakes do.” Then sips her soda and watches her show. LOL.
29. Falling For The Scam
She fell for a Nigerian (Jamaican) lottery scam. After she had my dad thrown in jail—she was blocking the bedroom door where $2,000 in cash was and he pushed her aside to get the money before she sent it to the scammers—we had an impromptu intervention. The scammers would call the house every 5 minutes.
She lost about $6,000 to them. She would beg them on the phone to bring the lottery money because we didn’t believe her. It was very sad.
28. Throwing A Hit At The Grand Canyon
We were hiking the Grand Canyon and it was day two so we were hiking up and out, which is, of course, more challenging than walking downhill. My mom kept complaining about the heat and how tired she was, and along comes a park ranger leading a group of tourists on a burro ride to the bottom. She walks right in front of his horse—the rangers ride horses, the tourists burros/donkeys—and collapses on the ground, crying and wailing.
The ranger asks if she needs medical help and she literally holds the back of her hand against her forehead like a silent film actress and sobs that she can’t carry this backpack any farther, etc. The ranger says he can take her backpack and drop it off next to the ranger station at the top of the canyon and she thanks him about 12 times, crying non-stop. All this time the tourists are staring at this spectacle and that was enough for me. I was so embarrassed. I told my sister I would meet them all at the top and I took off on my own.
27. Righting A Wrong
My 5-foot tall tall mum saw a man stealing coins from a fountain, so she pushed him in.
26. How Many Times Does A Mom Have To Tell You Not To Eat The Last Biscuit?
When I was around 14, she went on a blind rampage calling us (myself and my two brothers, ages 13 and 11) lying little craps, that no one would ever trust us and we’d get nowhere in life, that she hates living with us and she wishes she could pack up and leave like our father did—he left to escape her, and is still very much involved in our lives.
Why? Someone ate the last biscuit in the packet and no one would own up to it.
25. Kicking Snakes
Kicking a lethal snake a meter in the air. We were walking along the beach when a dugite slithered over her foot. She couldn’t see what it was because she was carrying two large bags but instinctively kicked it to the side as if it was a tree branch or something and kept walking. Meanwhile, everyone behind her was trying to process what the hell just happened.
24. Learn To Treat Service Workers With Some Respect
She used to be the kind of person who would yell at retail and fast food employees. One time she freaked the hell out at a Blockbuster employee because she accidentally gave me the wrong game. I always checked to make sure we got the right one before we got home, so it really wasn’t a big deal.
Later, when she was telling my dad what happened, she lied and acted like she was the victim. Very uncool. I was only 10 and even I knew better than to act like that.
23. Learn To Treat Service Workers With Some Respect Part II
When I was a kid we weren’t allowed to a handful of local establishments because my mom was at war with the employees for implying she was white trash or having bad attitudes overall. Being so young, I thought nothing of it other than how bad I desperately missed Little Caesar’s pizza.
As I got older and saw how my mother belittles food or retail workers, I came to the conclusion that my mom is hella lucky none of those overworked underpaid workers hauled off and punched her for exploiting the “customer is always” right slogan.
I frequently have to literally tell my 50-something-year-old mother to apologize for her attitude to the poor workers. Shockingly she never knows what attitude I’m talking about or has a reason why they started it. When I was a cashier at Walmart, I finally snapped at her for this crap and her exact words to me were, “I did my time in these exact crappy dead-end jobs I’ve earned the right to treat them like crap!” What?
My parents busted their asses working several jobs just to make ends meet for the longest and never made it past upper middle class at best, so I don’t know why she got such an entitled air about her in the first place.
22. For The Cats
My mum puts all of the bowls of cat food in the oven in winter so they don’t have to eat cold food. We have nine cats.
21. Toe To Toe With A Monkey
A monkey entered my house through the back door and went straight into the kitchen. It started breaking things and throwing stuff around. My mom tried to shoo it away but it wouldn’t budge.
So, she took a stick to save herself in case it attacks, and started shouting at it. The monkey started making these sounds trying to scare her. This went on for about 10 minutes. I guess the monkey got tired and it left but I’ll never forget the sight of my mom, who is usually kinda calm, trying to duel with the monkey.
20. Popping Moms Collar, Pop, Popping Moms Collar
She pops her shirt collar every day. Every. Day.
19. Drama Momma
My mum was looking out of a window and saw a traffic warden about to put a parking ticket on her car. Panicking, she flung open the window and shouted: “WAIT!” Sprinted down the stairs and up the street towards him. The best part was she was currently starring in a production of The Sound of Music and as such, was dressed in a full nun habit—the window she leaned out of was at the back of the theater—so this traffic warden got to witness a nun come belting up the street shouting at him in a very strong opera singer’s voice.
My mum is rather dramatic.
18. Fancy Birth
I wasn’t there to witness it but when my mum was pregnant with me she was still performing. She was onstage belting out one of her classics when she suddenly felt something was wrong. She finished the song, left the stage and ran to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was blood. Terrified something had happened to me she made her excuses and went straight to the hospital.
She burst into the emergency room in full ball gown and diamonds, sobbing for help with her baby. Dead silence met her arrival. It was a rather rough city and she went to the closest hospital and the nurse told her “you’re the fanciest thing we’ve had in here on a Friday night!” Thankfully I was fine so now we can laugh about her sparkly entrance to the hospital.
17. Clowning Around
Reminds me of the time my mum got out of the car and ran towards my primary school teacher with a full-on clown costume (mum was in the costume). I’m talking huge wig, makeup, red nose, hula-hoop big suspended trousers and clown shoes.
The teacher was trying to hang up a giant paper-mache Red Nose outside of the school and my mum went to help her as she was struggling. I can’t remember why my mum was dressed as a clown but must have been something to do with Red Nose Day at her school (mum also a teacher).
Must have been 1991, as the nose had hands coming out from it.
16. Texas Chainsaw Mother
I live near Tampa. Irma had just come through and knocked a tree into our yard. My mom brings out the 20-inch chainsaw and goes to town on the tree. Now, this may seem normal right? Wrong.
Mom was injured in February of 2004 from slipping on the ice when we lived in Illinois. She had a torn rotator cuff for 10 years, she injured her neck and lower back as well. She instantly got fibromyalgia and nerve damage on the fall. To make matters worse, she acquired heart disease and diabetes.
So, imagine a permanently disabled woman taking a 20-inch chainsaw to a 4-foot thick oak tree. Mom was the craziest, strongest person I’ll ever know, and I’ll love her forever.
She passed away this year on February 17th. She saved my life and I miss her dearly.
15. Cheaper Is Better
Probably sending back her food at Red Robin because it was served in a plastic basket. She said, “I don’t want to eat out of a basket like a prisoner.” When they brought her her food on a plate she was incensed that it was the same food. She wanted them to make her a fresh burger because the first one was served in a basket.
Could have also been the time she—successfully, somehow—returned a jar of mayonnaise WE HAD EATEN OUT OF FOR A WEEK because she found it cheaper somewhere else.
14. Uhh…That’s My Boyfriend, Mom
She tried to have sex (I’m actually sure that she already has) with my sister’s boyfriend.
13. Being Blind Won’t Stop This Mom
She decided to give knife throwing a try. She’s blind.
12. Coyote Scramble
Fended off a pack of coyotes that were approaching us. After hiding me she took off as bait to lead them away. That could have gone so wrong.
11. New Obsession
Oh my sweet baby Jesus, where do I begin?
Fairly certain my mom has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. Most interactions with her are pretty WTF. So I guess I’ll just go with some of the most recent, because childhood was…yea…
She is obsessed with my son. Like, to the point where I worry that she will try to sue for custody by making up stories about us. She daily sends videos of her she wants him to watch, or asks for pictures so she can post them online (a thing, as adoptive parents, we don’t like to do). When we don’t respond within an hour or two, she flips out. Says “I guess we’re not on speaking terms now,” calls us ungrateful, goes all ‘woe is me’ asking what it was she did to us.
She also seemed to revel in the fact that my son preferred her to me when she stayed here, which is horrible in terms of bonding with a newly adopted child from an orphanage. She actively tried to disrupt bonding efforts in a lot of ways and would “forget” our rules. It felt super creepy. I seriously felt her pushing me away from him, husband felt it too. When the Bough Breaks Type stuff, except without the father part. We’re editing our wills/POA to make sure she doesn’t get custody if something happens to us.
Also, when I was moving across the country, she decided to tell me she had mouth cancer. Horrible thing to have, except she forgot that, all through childhood, she had shown me that same “mouth cancer” spot and told me about how a dog bit her and it had messed up her lip and left a big scar. Nice try.
Oh and bonus unrelated story, but pretty sure my mother-in-law is trying to kill my father-in-law. Husband agrees.
One night after kayaking with my parents, we got home really late so we decided to leave the kayak strapped to the top of the Tahoe. In the middle of the night, my dad creeps into my room and peaks out my window. I wake up and he hushes me. My mom comes in and goes “Come on.” They head downstairs and I hear my dad pick up the phone and start talking to the police.
I suddenly hear the front door slam open and my mom scream “DROP THAT DAMN KAYAK.” The woman is outside pointing a butcher knife at three thieves who also have knives and are cutting the kayak down. I then hear my dad say to the police: “hold on a second” followed by “SANDY, WHAT THE HELL!”
The robbers ran off and my mom remains the baddest lady in the world.
9. No Job For You
Dude walked up our driveway to ask for a job. Mom didn’t feel like employing anyone so she went in, got her revolver and walked him out the driveway, putting the occasional bullet into the ground behind his feet.
My mother may or may not need help.
8. Throw Away Your Television Set
Growing up, I lived a few doors down from this really nice Mormon family. Five kids, involved in the community, super friendly people. One of the daughters told me about the time her mother had instituted a rule about only watching an hour of TV a day, and expected the kids to follow the rule without her policing, saying “and if you don’t, I’ll throw the TV out the window.” Well, predictably, the kids didn’t follow the rule. Less predictably, Mom followed through on her threat, and then they didn’t have a TV for a year.
I had such a hard time reconciling the kind, friendly woman with somebody who would throw a TV out of a window.
7. Putting Fear In A Bear
When I was growing up there was a spring when a bear was coming around our yard and knocking over the bird feeder and eating the seed. He must have ruined like three feeders before my mother stopped buying new ones and started taping/gluing an old one back together.
So one morning, I’m sitting at the table with my mom having breakfast when she looks out at the feeder, then stands up and rips the slider door open, storms out onto the deck and starts screaming “HEY, GET OFF MY FEEDER!”
At this point, I peek around the corner and sure enough, there is the bear coming down off its back legs looking very confused as to why its getting yelled at. The bear walks off into the woods and she comes back inside as if nothing happened. Me and my dad just look at each other and start laughing. My mother, one of the tamest and level-headed people I know just flipped out on a BEAR and scared it off.
Mom went up like 15 points in the tough department that day.
6. Cat Politics
She has arguments with our cat, who is apparently a Trump supporter. I’m not sure if it’s a joke anymore. I’m honestly a little worried.
5. Mother’s Day Fun
Mother’s Day 11 years ago, my very petite mother decided to take my brother and I to Ross, a local clothing store in a strip mall. We are pulling in and I guess she stayed at the stop sign a half a second too long so the guy behind us lays on his horn and starts flipping her off. She responds by driving at a turtle’s pace to make sure he was even more irritated until we actually pulled off to park.
Instead of moving along and just being angry the man decided to follow us into the parking spot and pull up so fast to my mom’s door he almost hit it when she got out and started screaming in her face. Instead of being afraid she went full psycho mode pushed him backward and kicked four perfect size-6 boot size dents into the side of his car while screaming some of the craziest stuff I’ve ever heard.
After he fumbles his phone out to call the police we peel out and head home. I did not get to go to Ross.
4. Mom Wants A New Mattress￼
Saw my mom grab a kitchen knife and go crazy stabbing this mattress to force my dad to throw it out.
Good times. Not.
3. Clear Mines For A Poop
When I was like 12 years old, my family made a trip to Croatia and we wanted to cross through Serbia. After like five hours of driving in the car, I really had to take a crap, but we were out in the middle of nowhere.
Because of possible land mines still around after the war, my mum told me to stay in the car while she makes a safe path to a place I can take a poop.
It took me five years to realize, that she had put herself in the serious danger of getting killed by a landmine just because I had to empty my bowels.
2. Killing The Invitation
I made some drawings on some cards and sent them as invitations for my birthday to my family members. My granddad thought it was a fun idea, and made a drawing of his own which he sent to me, accepting the invitation and letting me know that he looked forward to it.
This short-circuited my mother’s brain for some reason. When I got home from school, she threw my little brother and myself in the car and drove us to my granddad’s house where she proceeded to scream at him, seemingly forever, about how despicable he was, how he played favorites, and how he was a terrible person for not having sent a card to my little brother for his birthday a month earlier.
The fact that my brother hadn’t sent out any invitations, and that he didn’t care at all about me getting a reply for my effort, didn’t matter to her at all. Things were never quite the same between my mother and my granddad after that day. I still don’t know what kind of a mental breakdown caused it. It’s one of those things we don’t talk about. And I didn’t send out invitations in the years which followed.
1. Fighting The Church. No, Literally.
When I was in second grade in 1994 I went to Catholic school. I learned about other religions through TV and asked my mom if those other people who follow other religions would go to hell. She told me, “honey, it doesn’t matter what you believe in as long as you are kind to others.” I was so stoked. I went to school and told my friends what she had said and they all got super excited.
Well, the news got around the school and I was called into Principal Sister Gene’ s office. She spanked me for spreading blasphemy. My mom was called to pick me up because I was acting hysterical afterward. I’m sitting outside the nun’s office watching my mom and her talk when suddenly my mom PUNCHED A NUN IN THE FACE!!!
Now, my mom is the nicest person I’ve ever met. I will never forget that moment. She came out yelling “go ahead and call the police” and we went and had Slurpees. A week later I started public school and my mom started her job as a teacher.