There’s a saying that two people in a relationship start to look more alike the longer they’re together. But that’s not the only weird habit that couples can develop. From weird greetings and baffling inside jokes to invented languages just for two, these weird couples prove that there’s no such thing as a boring relationship…
Weird Couple Secrets
Sweating the Small Stuff
We fight about really stupid stuff, just so we have something to fight about. Our last big argument was about why he wouldn’t sing for me.
Head, Shoulders, Feeties, and Toes
Every morning he puts my socks on me. He wakes me up, then wakes my feet up… When he takes the blanket off of my feet he says, “Good morning feeties! How are you guys this morning?!” At this point, I’m BARELY awake, but I feel like it genuinely disappoints him if my feet don’t “respond” so I have to wiggle my toes.
If I do wiggle them, he says, “The feeties say it’s gonna be a good morning!” and if I don’t, he–in a very serious tone–says, “Feeeeties, don’t be gruuuumpyy!” and I then have to wiggle my toes anyways. He will then kiss both big toes and put my socks on, then go about his morning. I have always been a terribly grumpy person in the mornings, but waking up to him is like waking up in a Disney movie.
We’re gross and adorable and he’s perfect.
I Chortle, You Chortle
Sometimes when we both start laughing, one of us will open their mouth as wide as possible, and then the other will follow suit. So, we’re basically just sitting there with our mouths as big as they’ll go, yelling “HA HA HA HA.”
We make fun of our pets a lot. We have a Chihuahua Yorkie mix who is rather unfortunate looking. She sleeps between us. Sometimes we lie in bed and make fun of how stupid she looks, but she doesn’t speak English, so she just keeps licking our faces and getting belly rubs. Also, our cat has a double chin and we make fun of him for being fat.
Everyone’s a Winner
We have this game where we try to score points by kissing each other on the cheek. Whoever has the most points by the end of the day, wins. There is no reward for winning, except bragging rights. This game started and the rules were made without either one of us ever officially stating we had such a game or rule, it just ended up happening. It’s completely childish and innocent. And I love it.
You Got a Lil Something There
One time, very shortly after my girlfriend and I started dating, we were drunk at a party and I tried picking her nose. Why, you ask? Not a clue, drunk me thought it would be funny. She had a mild conniption and now it’s become a game. Three years later, I have still never successfully picked my girlfriend’s nose.
We make up duets to sing to our dogs. We have a pit bull (Molly), an American Bulldog (Petey), and a 14-week-old Pit Bull (Smedley). Since my husband was in the Marines, each dog has a military rank. Molly is Corporal Molly Marine, Petey is Petty Officer Peter, and the new pup, Smedley is, Private Smedley Darlington Butler. I know we mixed a Navy rank in there but Petey just looks like he would be in the Navy as probably the chef on the ship, which is very fitting since he’s pretty plump.
Our duet goes as follows complete with clapping and marching: H: All dogs Me: Good dogs H: Two are Marines Me: One’s a squid H: Which one’s the best Me: I dunno. And it continues on with several different verses about each dog. A lot of the times we speak to them as if we are in the military. For instance, last night Smedley was jumping on the door so I stepped beside him in stance and said, “Private butler, stand down.” I don’t even know what that means but he listened. Wow…rereading that makes me feel like a big weirdo.
Just remembered we “pants” each other any chance we get. Bonus points if the other has something in their hands and can’t pull their pants up right away. Double points if it’s done in front of a window with open blinds. Triple points if it meets both criteria…and the “victim” has to waddle to a safe area to pull their pants up. Hehe.
We sing random songs to each other slowly in a creepy “cat voice” and at some point, during the song the person singing will grasp the other’s arm super gently and accentuate one lyric dramatically.
The part of our neighborhood we live in is tucked back and usually the only cars that come down the street are our neighbors. When we see a car we don’t recognize, we bark at it like dogs.
Prisoner and Guard
We’ll role-play in public places, but only the dialogue. For example, we’re in a space prison, he’s the warden, I’m prisoner 6969. We’ll just go through the lines to each other until we’re laughing our butts off.
My ex had a footstool in her bathroom that she would prop her feet on when she would use the bathroom. We stayed in a hotel once and she had to poo but she didn’t have anything to prop her feet up on so I laid on the floor and played Angry Birds while she did her business with her feet on my chest.
Next Level, Let’s Go!
My husband likes to hide Lego minifigs in our home decor to see how long it takes for me to notice. Most recently, I was gifted an old dollhouse that my grandmother and I made as a child. The other day I just happened to walk by it, and out of the corner of my eye, I see a Storm Shadow GI Joe sitting in a rocking chair in the dollhouse. Apparently, he’s leveling up and I had no idea.
Make a fart noise into the other’s mouth when we go in for a kiss. I don’t know why we started doing this.
I told my boyfriend I have a kissing bar like the life span bars in video games and if my kissing bar goes too low, I might die! It’s turned into this endless game with us where we’ll fake varying/dramatic deaths that the other one has to kiss them back to life. It’s a lot of dramatic fake fainting on soft surfaces whispering “Rosebud.”
Ramming Each Other
We head butt each other instead of kiss, but usually not in public because it’s gotten to the point where people think we are too rough.
Living Alone Together
Every night we have a dramatic tournament when he tries to throw his socks into our laundry basket from the bed. We also spank each other a lot while wearing pajamas and dressing gowns because it makes such a funny noise when there’s so much padding on the butt. This behavior has only started happening since we moved into our own place together and it’s been a delight, I’ve never laughed so much.
The Sloth game happens to us the odd time—one of us will hook our hands and bunch our fingers together, and try to climb the other person veeeerrrry slowly. This has to be done with the facial expression of ponderous concentration common to all sloths. You get bonus points for accidentally grabbing your own arm and falling to the floor.
Weirdos in Love
We used to raspberry each other and no one really knew, then one day he did it in front of my boss. Luckily, she found it hilarious. One thing we do that no one knows about (yet) is when we are cuddling in bed, sometimes we rock back and forth quickly and say “cuddle, cuddle, cuddle” over and over again. I did it one day to be strange and it has stuck ever since.
We squeak at each other as a form of communication. There are many kinds of squeaks that convey different meanings, like “I’m grumpy” or “I need snuggles” or “Where are you?” or just “Pay attention to me.” It’s kind of a mini-language we use. I’m pregnant at the moment and I know our baby is going to hear us squeaking and learn it. I fully anticipate that, two years from now, when I come back after work and send out my “I’m home!” squeak I’ll hear two welcome squeaks in return.
Intimate Face Time
Really early in the relationship I don’t know what came over me, but I just wanted to touch her face. So, I put my hand over her face. It was a bit odd obviously, but she wasn’t weirded out, she thought it was cute and funny. So, it became our thing. As a sign of affection, we would just put our hands on each other’s faces.
He tries to lick the inside of my mouth randomly sometimes so I try to always take the first sip of any of his drinks. There’s random ear-biting, tickling the other while they’re on the phone, and karate chops to the back in our relationship too.
We have our own language of sorts. We move letters and words around. Sometimes I hear us doing it and know an outsider would be very confused. It just developed over time.
I Love You an Ocelot
We were at a zoo and this beautiful male ocelot kept shoving his big hairy kitten balls against the glass. We found it hilarious. So now I’ll grab his face, pull it into my cleavage and scream “OCELOT!!!!” I do this at least once a day.
Flight or Fight
My husband and I have this thing we do called “Panic Penguin.” Basically, we face each other and start acting like panicked penguins flapping our little penguin arms up and down and hopping up and down for an extended amount of time. There’s not really a point to it other than it just makes us laugh, and I’m sure if anyone else saw it, it would look really, really weird.
When we’re cuddling, I’ll randomly get up and move to the other side of the couch, say, “Ah, now to enjoy my personal space,” which then causes her to climb on top of me, and latch on like a dang spider-monkey. All the while I’m jokingly screaming about how I’m not consenting and need help.
Showered with Love
We shower together almost every night. He is also on a constant quest to lick my armpit and stick his tongue in my nose.
Kissing Ver. 10.0
We don’t give regular kisses—we touch tongues after making a whimpering noise. And we’re kind of just oddly obsessed with tongues.
Fishing for Attention
Before she was pregnant, I would lie down on her almost planking and exclaim “Fish!” and waggle back and forth like a fish.
Not Your Regular Picnic
We have nacho picnics. We spread a blanket out on the floor, make a huge plate of tortillas with melted cheese, several toppings, and eat nachos on the living room floor.
My boyfriend and I do this thing where we pretend to go in for a normal kiss and then raspberry the other instead. It’s usually a competition to see who can do it first/at the most inappropriate time. He wins most of the time. I never see ‘em coming. Usually, it’s followed with a pseudo-judgmental “wooooow.”
We fart on one another to “mark our territory.”
For some reason, I like to make up nonsense words at random to make my wife giggle. One of the earliest ones was “hakacha.” She reacted to this one particularly strongly for some reason. So, for the past decade, I will bust it out randomly. I’ll get close in bed like we’re going to cuddle and softly whisper “hakacha” in her ear. Or I’ll look deep inter her eyes and say “hey…hakacha.”
Feet-rito is what we call it. In the winter he complains his feet are always cold. He gets in bed first so I can wrap his feet and legs up burrito style. He can’t do it himself. If his feet are cold when we are getting into bed he will ask me, “Will you feet-rito me?”
Pink Hippo Game
We play the pink hippo game. We hide a small plastic pink toy hippo in random odd place for the other to find. In 12 years, we only have mentioned it a few times to each other. She’d hide it in my lunch box, I’d put in under the bath towels etc. The point is to surprise each other and not actually search for it. Sometimes it will go weeks before I stumble upon it not where I left it, but somewhere else where she hid it. I got pink hippo’ed.
Gestures of Love
We give each other tummy kisses. It started when she was pregnant. I have a bit of a gut and she had a human growing inside her. Due to those two factors, we had to lean in to kiss all the time. One night we were in the kitchen, I had come out of the shower and went to kiss her and she lifted her shirt up, stuck out her stomach and bumped it to mine, and said “Tummy Kiss!”
We made our own sign language too. I don’t remember when it started but we basically use fake sign language but then say whatever we are saying it in deaf voice. Usually, it’s when we are saying things jokingly like, “You are a butthole” which translates into pointing at the person, making a butt cheek shape motion with both hands like rubbing a balloon with both hands and finally making an O with your left hand and forcing your right hand all the way through it usually up to the elbow.
Out of Breath
Sometimes my wife will spontaneously GRAB my thigh and do this weird heavy breathing thing like she’s panicking. Other times she will throw a random object at me and do the heavy breathing. This came from a time when she got really scared and launched a spider at me. We turned it into a joke. We do it to each other now randomly.
It scares me 100% of the time. We get these super intense moments where we’re side-eyeing each other and I’m just waiting for one of us to strike.
We pretend we’re pillows sometimes, especially my husband who loves when I lay on him. He’s a cuddler in general so I’ll say, “oh! My pillow has arrived! Ahhhhhhh” and lay a leg across him or lean on him or something and he will get all squeaky and happy. Happy pillow!
Every time the timer goes off on her iPhone, we do this dance, no matter where we are in the apartment, we’ll find each other and do the dance. Honestly, it’s become like muscle memory now, this one time it went off at work without her around and I subconsciously started dancing. For those who are wondering the timer tune we have set is “By the Seaside.”
We make these stupid high pitch noises as if to “Marco Polo” each other. It’s become this sign of affection to say, “are you okay?” And if he does it back, then were both okay. If it’s a lower pitch, we know something’s up.
When I address my wife, I call her any random word that pops into my head. “Hi Bungee Cord.” “How’s it going, tails?” She has always answered to any word I come up with as if it’s perfectly normal and she has never asked me why I do it. I’ve been with her for 19 years and she doesn’t know that the reason I do it is that she is my everything. I’m hoping one day she decides to ask.
Me and my girlfriend say, “beep boop” and “meep moop,” to each other if after a big fight and we want things to go back to normal.
Sometimes we play “dentist” where one of us makes the other open their mouth, and the “dentist” carefully and methodically taps all the visible teeth before confirming, “ah yes, these are teeth.” Don’t remember how that one started though.
It’s a Match!
We have friends who often wear matching or near-matching outfits without even being aware of it, and only notice when a third party points it out. My husband and I tease them about it, but we recently got put in our place when I met up with the three of them for dinner right after a business trip. I took off my coat and revealed that my husband and I were wearing an identical dress shirt and jeans.
Like, I got dressed in a different country his morning, and we still managed this.
We use the word weasel to mean a lot of things. We are both addressed as “weasel” on occasion, though it’s Mrs. Weasel, etc if we’re on a date, at church, etc. The house is called the Weasel Hole. Children are called weasels, unless I’m talking about toy soldiers (which I collect) which are also called weasels.
My wife once called me weasel by mistake in front of my mother when she thought I was hurt. That was -ahem- awkward apparently. We’ve been married seven years. I’m a 35-year-old police officer who arrests people for a living. These things seem strange when you write them down.
From Across the Room
Me and my boyfriend do silent kissing motions to each other, but you HAVE to respond with the same number of ‘kisses’ back. We usually do this in public, or when we’re with other people when they’re not watching almost like a secret kiss across the room. No idea why we started this and I bet we’d look mental if anyone saw.
I don’t know how weird it is, but whenever we are getting off the phone, we say, “turtle soup.” This came about when I misheard something he said and it sounded to me like turtle soup. We never say goodbye, just toodles and turtle soup.
Guess What, Pork?
We play rock, paper, scissors, but instead it’s kiss, tongue, bite. Sometimes one of us taps the other person’s belly to the beat of the song, which the other has to guess. After intimate time, we bro hug each other and do a bro handshake as a joke. Also, we refer to each other as types of meat. Right now, I am lamb and she is pork.
Secret Life of Stuffed Animals
She has a giant stuffed white tiger, a small stuffed monkey with stretchable arms, a stuffed Buckbeak, a stuffed giraffe, a stuffed wolf (ghost), and a rubber chicken on her dresser. I’ve given them all personalities. Crazy personalities. She thinks I could make a TV show or books out of it. They talk to us ALL the time… even when we’re driving and they’re at home (they invented a 2-way communication system in the car).
The monkey (George) is very detail-oriented. He always writes down notes about the goings on during the day but he writes them in triplicate in separate notebooks. He can recite anything that’s happened in the last few years down to the minute. The chicken (Chicken) is sassy. He claims he has over 70 PhDs. He’s invented everything you’ve ever heard of. He’s only 2. He also gets very upset if we eat chicken from the store. He beats the tar out of everyone.
The white tiger (Rupert) is the old brother and keeps everyone in line. His favorite chore is vacuuming one square foot of the house per day.
My girl and I play a game we invented called “Florida Slap, Limo Punch.” We live in NYC where Florida license plates and limos are EVERYWHERE. If you see a Florida plate you get to slap the other person and it’s worth one point. A limousine gets you a punch to the other person and two points. At first, it was just a silly little game, but it’s escalated to the point where I’m terrified to walk out with her because she’s much better at it than I am, and she slaps really hard.
Just Like Whales
Like the call of the majestic whale, whenever myself or my girlfriend enter the house, we let out a short but shrill “baaabbbbyyyy!” The echoes vibrating off the walls, followed of course by silence. Until, from the depths of the house, the mating call is received and returned, albeit much quieter…. “Baaabbbyyy!” We’ve found one another.
Get Your Head on Straight
We were in Walmart before Halloween this year. We saw a large cardboard bin of, for lack of a better way to describe it, oversized plushie animal heads like a DJ would wear. We instantly scooped one up each, a black cat head for me and an eagle head for him because football, because we wanted to prank our son still living at home by sitting on the couch watching TV, wearing them when he woke up for his shift.
Long story short, the aforementioned prank didn’t go off as planned, but months later, one of us will come upon the other just wearing their respective head whilst doing their everyday thing. This usually entails madly rushing for the respective head while trying to be quiet and not chortle like a buffoon and tip our hand when the other gets up to go to the bathroom or to grab something out of the fridge. It’s hilarious!
We sometimes greet each other by calling the other really good sweet food. But it’s always as a joke and we laugh after we say it. For example, “good morning my yummy warm vanilla extra sugar latte,” “hello my sweet delicious Cinnamon Toast Crunch”, or “have a good day at work my warm homemade apple pie with some ice cream on the side!”
When we are mad at each other, though, we will call each other gross foods that are terrible but still edible. For example, “Night, my overcooked Brussel sprouts that are now way too soggy because they were soaked in too much butter but if you put salt on them, they’re really not that bad.” It’s so stupid but we crack up at it and have been doing it for years.
When we hug, we like to lift our shirts and rub our bare bellies against each other – like a nose kiss, but with our stomachs.
It’s probably calling each other “Baguette.” I see him, I say, “Mi baguette,” and he’ll say “Merci!” The roles always swap.
It’s All About Abe
If we have a song stuck in our head or are singing along to a catchy song, we will include the name of our dog Abe. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense, sometimes it makes the song darker, or weird, but it’s just second nature. An example is, “Abes ain’t nothing but woes and tricks” or one of the darker ones “Abe! Abe just died in your arms tonight!”
I’m Loving It
There was a TV advertisement for McDonald’s in the UK where a family is going through the drive-thru on their way to a wedding and the husband turns to his disapproving wife and says, “Well, lunch ain’t ’til five” in a proper funny way, and we shout it at each other any and every time we drive past a McDonald’s.
My girlfriend and I play the Poking Game. It consists of one of us initiating it by poking the other. If the other person can successfully poke you back, they win. If you can avoid them poking you back within the next minute, you win. Now, it’s not entirely fair, since she’s literally a gymnast, and I’m a clumsy weightlifter, so she has the speed and agility advantage.
However, I have the strength advantage, as well as the tenacity advantage, so it ends up being relatively even.
We both have a tendency to say, wide-eyed, “But I poop from there!” when the other of us suggests doing something, even if there’s no possible link. It can be confusing in public.
Welcome to Bedylvania
We have created Bedylvania, which is the town we founded under the bedcovers. Sometimes my boyfriend gets really giddy so he’ll just go under the covers and laugh really hard and I’ll be laughing ’cause he’s laughing. There are various land masses in Bedylvania. For example, we’ve established that my chest is the mountains of Bedylvania.
Also, if I don’t cooperate and play along in Bedylvania, he’ll make an “earthquake” or a “landslide” happen, which is when he rolls his body up in all the covers and then rolls off the bed. Which REALLY grinds my gears because I am super particular about the bed and the sheets not coming untucked/touching the floor.
Single Stare Down
We both use our phones to watch YouTube in bed and we will randomly look over and cold stare down the other person until they notice, then try to quickly look back at the phone like we weren’t giving them the 100-yard stare.
I Pikachu-se You
We are both Pokémon nerds. Not sure how it started, but randomly one of us will say “Diglet dig, diglet dig” and the other responds with “Trio trio trio.”
We do these weird things like having fart competitions. How quickly can you fart after the first person does? How long and squeaky can you make them? Or like we play footsy every night before we fall asleep. In the shower, we like to spy on each other and try and grab each other’s feet.
We just yell “cutie” at each other louder and louder. We do it anywhere, whether it be lying in bed or walking around downtown. It started when she picked me up once and I sat in the car and yelled. “WHAT’S UP, CUTIE?!”
We do an awkward smile at each other at random times. Basically, it’s smiling in a way like we don’t know how to smile. Like maybe it’s quiet and we are watching tv and she randomly looks over at me, that would be a time to do it. Then she does it back. It’s the equivalent of a head nod or something, just recognition of the other person.
Just Like the French Revolution
When we pass someone with unholy amounts of wealth we shout, “You disgust me!” When we first started hanging out, we were living in two different worlds. I was working in poor areas—squatter camps and the like. He was from a wealthy family and made a heck ton of money. When we met and started sharing our different perspectives on the area around us. He confessed that growing up around all the poverty you become desensitized to it. You don’t see it for what it is because you’re not a part of it. You focus on your own issues.
One night, while having this conversation, we sat on top of this overlook and looked down at houses with two tennis courts or multiple pools and crazy expensive cars etc. and I said, “it just disgusts me that right beyond their fence is someone who likely hasn’t eaten in weeks. And they’re probably not even aware of his existence.”
And so, we sat on the hill and started calling out “people with ______ you disgust me!” To whoever or whatever we saw. It wasn’t anywhere they could hear us. It was just us being goofy and frustrated with the world and how conditioned people are to be only aware of their own immediate experience and issues.
Since then we have moved countries but still try to remind ourselves to be aware of the less fortunate and that there are worlds with suffering, we are unaware of simply because we aren’t apart of it. Sometimes we say, “you disgust me” yourselves just to remind us how blessed we are.
No One’s Told You Life Was Going to Be This Way
We’ve been playing a secret game for years. If the Friends theme comes on organically out in the world (as in, we can’t just play it on our phones spontaneously) we have to do the “clap, clap, clap, clap,” part. If one of us misses it, the other gets a point. He’s currently up by one after we were standing in a neighbor’s house and it came on in the middle of a conversation. He knew I was distracted and LOUDLY starting clapping along with the song, while an angry look came over my face and I spouted a few choice profanities.
My poor neighbor looked horrified.
Was That You?
My boyfriend farts on my face. Not literally, but after every kiss he makes a loud toot noise on my forehead. It sounds so real. He does it in public a lot and people whip their heads around to look at us thinking one of us farted. I hate it and love it at the same time.
Eyes Wide Open
Whenever we see each other we kiss each other with our eyes very wide, and very open to start off our day with each other. We don’t know how it started or when exactly but we never miss a day of doing it!
Sharing Sweet Nothings
One of us mumbles quietly to the other “you look pretty.” The response is, “what did you say?” And then you yell, “I SAID YOU LOOK UGLY!!” We do this probably every other day.
We do these weird mashups sometimes. For example, at the grocery store the other day, we got to the pasta aisle and saw a box of noodles on the floor. I don’t remember who initiated this or even why honestly, but, one of us started chanting, “let the pasta hit the floor” then the other joined in. It was to the tune of “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” by Drowning Pool. I was crouching like a crab whilst doing this doing punching motions towards the floor.
I love him so much.
How Was Your Day, Turd-ay?
We have poop talks since the bathroom is his first stop on after getting home from work, and I really want to catch up with him, so I sit on the edge of the tub and we chat. When I have to go, I frequently say something like, “I gotta poop. Wanna come hold my hand and hang out?” And 8/10 times he’ll come chill with me and hold my hand.
We’re long-distance right now and I just remembered that I asked if he wanted to hang out the other night and he said sure, so I FaceTimed him and lo and behold he’s sitting on the toilet. I wasn’t expecting it and I laughed harder and deeper than I had in a while.
Number Two Cheerleader
We have a song that my boyfriend sings to me to help me go number two. And it works, especially in hasty situations, like we have to go in five minutes. There’s also a dance that goes along with it. Try to picture it, though—me trying to go while my boyfriend stands outside the toilet and sings the song while dancing!
My husband frequently hides a sock about his person. He will then spend as long as it takes trying to get me to say the word “sock” which I usually fall for completely, and when I do, he throws the sock at my face shouting “SOCK” triumphantly. He also somehow takes all of my pillows every night between turning the light off, having a little snuggle and me going back to my side.
I don’t know when or how he does it! It’s infuriating. Love him ????
We do this thing where we will point in each other’s face and angrily tell each other, “I love you.” One day when she was pointing, I opened my mouth and walked so her finger went to the back of my throat, her instant reaction of shock then the hysteric laughter afterward was worth almost throwing up.
Tag, You’re It
My wife and I met when we were 12. We played tag at church one time and I was it when the game was finished. I went up to her a few days later, I was wearing a Lego Star Wars shirt and she was in a lime green tank top. I just yell at her that I was still it and start chasing her down the church hallways ending with a flying tackle in to a pile of snow outside. So, after that for a while every day we played tag whenever we saw each other.
As we grew up the rules evolved a bit so who is “it” can only be transferred once per day and to signal that your “it” I need to be wearing a Star Wars tee-shirt and she wears a lime green tank top. We still play all the time I’m currently separated from her by the military but when I go back home, I’m going to wear a Star Wars tee-shirt and chase her through the airport like an idiot.
I want a cat but my boyfriend doesn’t, so now he pretends his hand is a cat as a substitute. His name is Hand Cat and has a Texas accent (we’re English).