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Oh, service workers, the things they would say if they weren’t afraid to lose their jobs. For whatever reason, some customers think that they can treat servers like worthless scum. And for the most part, they do, until they run into someone who isn’t afraid to clapback. So, to anyone who works in the service industry, enjoy reading about these heroes. And for anyone who acts like a jerk when they go out, smarten up or you’re next!


1. No Salad for You!

We had a customer who got a salad and when she was finished she placed one of her hairs in the bowl to try to get it refunded. She got the complimentary “I’m sorry” free bakery item. She did this every day. Finally, the manager sat down at her table and told her this was her last day eating in the cafe, as they would refuse her refund today and refuse her service in the future.

She started to say something about the customer always being right and he just put up a hand to cut her off and said, “You cause us to lose money every day. You’re absolutely not our customer, you are a liability, and you are no longer welcome here.”

Levlove

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2. Win Win for Us

I live in a small town and worked in a Fish and Chip shop—one of two in the town. We were a tourist town, and one of the main attractions was the award-winning fish and chips. People in the town believed we were in massive competition with the other shop, but we weren’t. We had 25 plus staff and they had around seven, so we were serving thousands more customers than them.

So, on the rare occasion whenever a customer got angry, they would simply exclaim “Well I’m going to [insert competitor’s name here] AND I WON’T BE BACK.” Like it was a big deal and would really hurt our feelings and business. We would simply tell them that we don’t want them back, and they should enjoy the food from the other shop. But that’s not even the best part.

The truth was that we owned both shops.

ToxicHazard

3. Empty Threat

This woman comes in every Sunday and complains every Sunday. This past time, she said, “I won’t be coming back.” My manager goes, “Alright, I’ll see you next week.”

MichelleDeaEst

4. Non-Verbal I Told You so

A buddy of mine was serving a table with an eight-year-old kid. He gives her an adult glass for her apple juice. The dad pipes up and says he doesn’t want her having all that sugar so he needed to take it away and come back with a kid-sized one. My friend replied that the glasses are the same size but the adult size just looks bigger because they have thick bottoms.

The dad responds that “the adult glass is clearly bigger and LIKE I SAID I don’t want her to have all that sugar.” My buddy is a jerk. He gives a super deliberate exaggerated nod, says nothing, and marches to our little service alley behind the bar. He re-emerges with a kid’s cup, sets it down beside the glass, picks up the glass and pours the adult glass, lifting it progressively higher until the last drop is dropped from like a foot over the glass. I died.

Labelkilled

5. Old MacDonald Had a Farm

My brother was a waiter and he was working with a really difficult woman. She ordered the salmon and when it got to her table, she asked if it was farm-raised. She got mad at him because he hadn’t mentioned that the salmon was farm-raised when she was ordering it, even though it clearly stated that it was farm-raised on the menu.

She ordered the chicken to replace the salmon. That’s when my brother said to her, “I have to warn you, it’s farm-raised.”

LemonInAGlass

6. Wouldn’t Wish It on My Worst Enemy

We have sweet biscuits with icing on top. Every weekend this lady comes in and wants them fresh with extra icing. But every time something is wrong, with the main complaint being that’s it’s too cold, probably because of all the extra icing on top. Well, the last time she came in, we give her the biscuit, fresh out the oven and loaded down with icing, but she still said it’s cold.

The manager tells her the only way to get it any hotter would be to melt the icing in the microwave, which we refuse to do. The lady has a conniption, demanding to know why. My manager came up with the perfect response. She said, “because sugar is hotter than the seven sons of heck when it’s heated up like that and no matter how much you deserved it, I refuse to give you an excuse to have a lawsuit against us.”

Beccavexed

7. Look Who Came Crawling Back

I work for a moving company and customers always get mad when we don’t have the equipment available when they show up last minute with no reservation. They always say, “Well I’ll just go to [competitor’s name]!” I would always reply with exact directions. “Great they are a block north, on the right side. You can’t miss em.” It never failed to get a disgusted scoff, but we would always see them again in an hour or so to set up a reservation when the competitors didn’t have any equipment either.

Kathyt92

8. Mutual Acquaintance

Whenever a rude customer complains that they don’t like something and say, “Is the owner in? I know him,” I always use the same reply. In an overly excited tone, I play dumb and say “Oh my god!! I know him too! What a coincidence.  He’s not here but I’m the manager today, so I’ll help you out.”

skilldan

9. Daddy’s Little Girl

When I was 15 and working at my family’s restaurant, there was a Christmas party and they booked out the front room. This one old guy kept complaining every time I brought him food and took it away. When dessert came, he made some snide comment and I burst into tears. When I got back to the kitchen my dad saw me crying and asked what was wrong. I said it’s okay and not to worry.

Next minute, my dad storms out of the kitchen and asks the entire front room who made his daughter cry. The room goes silent and everyone points him out. Dad rips into him for making a child cry and told him he’s not welcome back. Old guy tries to defend himself saying I wasn’t doing my job. Dad said something along the line of him not doing a good job as a human. I miss working with him!

SDH11

10. Repeat That in the Form of a Question

I’m working in a grocery store part-time right now and I had a woman walk up to me and say, “chicken breast.” I looked at her and said, “okay.” She just left and I was still not sure what that was about, but a co-worker who overheard said, “Oh, she wanted to know where it was.” To which I replied, “I know, but she’s an adult who can use her words.”

OlivierQ723

11. It’s in the Description

I had a customer harassing me over a product he bought and wanted to return. There was no receipt, it was over the return date, and he claimed he paid for it in cash. I told him that the return policy was within 30 days and he had to have a receipt. He said,  “You’re just paid to say that.” I replied, “As a matter of fact, I am paid to say that. That’s how jobs work.”

I never saw his scamming face again.

fcabbages

12. Taste Test

I work in an ice cream shop and one day a man ordered a shake, drank the whole thing, and then demanded a refund because he claimed the whipped cream tasted sour, which is impossible because we make it in house every day. My manager, a 53-year-old Indian man, proceeded to take the cup from him, then grabbed a spoon and ate the whipped cream right out of the cup, then says, “it tastes fine to me, get out of my store.”

Maybe it was a little overkill, but it was one way to deal with it.

stdwarehouse

13. One for You, One for Me

I had a girl order a Pina Colada and then complain about the coconut. She didn’t like coconut. So I got her another drink and she goes, “What are you going to do with that one? Will you throw it away?” I just looked at her, told her that I liked coconut and took a sip.

idrathernot_

14. Unwanted Attention

A regular at the place I work will tap her martini glass with a fork, wait for me to turn and make eye contact, and then call across the room, “MORE MARTINIS!” or “WE’RE READY FOR OUR FOOD NOW!” Sometimes I’ll see how many times she taps, because I know she knows that it’s trashy, and she’ll start to get uncomfortable but still keep going.

So it’ll go—tap, tap, tap. Silence. Tap, tap, tap. Someone will point out that she’s trying to get my attention, but I’ll tell them to give it a few more taps. It’s hard to not acknowledge her, but I wanted to make sure everyone hears her tapping before I ask “More martinis?” By then, she usually has the whole dining room looking at her sideways, which is enough for me.

Small victories are the best victories in the service industry.

Velkyn01

15. Self-Burn, Those Are Rare

I worked part-time at a thrift store. I got cursed out by a customer yelling, “Why don’t you get a REAL job?!” I replied with, “Why don’t you go yell at a real store?” in the most tired, deadpan voice. This happened a few times.

consistent_username

Customer Clapback FactsPublic Domain Files

16. That Was Slick

A woman complained about her cocktail, saying she couldn’t taste the alcohol and asked if we could make it stronger. It was already a double, but we added a splash. She still couldn’t taste it, could we add more? She was obviously drunk when she arrived and angling to get more drunk as cheap as possible. That’s when I came up with an ingenious plan. I took her cocktail, apologized that it wasn’t to her liking, and said I’d take it off her bill, effectively cutting her off for the night.

pineapplepokesback

17. Everybody Knows Everybody

Once, a guy said to me: “I’d watch out if I were you, I know your manager.” I replied: “I know him too, so what?”

heymaniamKorg

18. Here’s a Tall Glass of Shut the Hell up

Table of 10, Sunday brunch, fancy restaurant, and I’m hungover. A crowd swarms in right as we open and my whole section is sat at once. I’m efficient and cool—I’m used to this. I get to the big table and preface that water is being brought as we speak, then begin taking everyone’s drink order. As I’m taking orders around the table, one woman blurts out that she wants water and not to forget the water, interrupting her friends and family as they make their requests.

I acknowledge her each time until after the fourth time, when I said, “If you ask for water again, I’ll make sure everyone here gets water but you.” She sank back in her chair looking dumbfounded as I put in the order then headed to the bar.

thekordo

19. Some People Just Want to Cause a Fuss

I used to work at a pizza store. I had literally just made a pizza and put it in the box. This Karen type lady breezes in and just states, “Pepperoni.” And shoves her card in my face. I ring her up, turn around, grab and show her the pizza. She barely looks at it and just tells me it’s old. “Make one fresh.” I tell her sure thing, just five minutes.

I take the pizza into the back. I put a new one in the oven. After this one comes out, I take it, cut it, and box it up. Then, I grab the original pizza and bring it out. “Careful, it is very hot miss.” I show it to her and she just starts talking about how perfect it is. She leaves and I just laugh and go back to more of the same.

CasinoCoinRich

20. A Man of Many Names

There was a customer who said he knew the manager to one of my buddies who was working as a waiter. Usually this just means that they’re trying to get something for freebecause they never actually know the managerbut I guess my buddy wanted to have some fun on this particular night. I heard the waiter exclaim, “Oh, you know Dave!” to the customer, all excited.

I couldn’t help but eavesdrop to the rest of the conversation. The waiter basically strung this customer along long enough to bring out the manager and pointedly say, “Hey, Steve, I didn’t know you went by Dave!”

murrimabutterfly

21. Honest Mistake on Purpose

The host sat me at a table with a couple and their toddler. The two sat on the same side of the booth, kissed, etc., so I knew they were a couple, but the woman looked much older. Like she looked terrible. I’m sure it was substance abuse of some kind, but it was noticeable. So she’s super rude to me the entire time. She asked for her eggs over easy hard.

I explained to her that her eggs could either be over easy and over hard, and what both meant. She then got really patronizing, saying things like “Bless your heart” and asking for a real server. I told her that I know how eggs are cooked, and asked if she meant over medium. That’s when she got verbally abusive and asked “How hard is your job? Honestly, how hard is it to just serve people eggs?”

I’d had it. I gave her order to the cook, and of course, he asked me what she meant. I told him to just make them over medium, as I felt like that was what she meant. I gave her the eggs and she sighed real heavy. She said, “I’m sorry, was my order too hard? Did you not understand me? What the hell kind of place is this that nobody can make me eggs?”

I took a deep breath, and went all in with a brutal insult. I said, “Ma’am, I apologize to you, your son, and your grandson. Let me go ahead and comp your meal.” Her face twisted up and got so red I thought it was going to pop off of her face. She yelled, “THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND THAT’S MY SON!” Oh boy, it was so worth it. She began screaming for my manager.

I got my manager. He yelled at me in the office, but couldn’t prove that I was purposefully disingenuous. So I didn’t even get written up. It was awesome.

VespineWings

22. Restaurant Music

I worked at a restaurant in my hometown for years, and the most common rude thing customers would pull was lifting their empty cup with ice in it and shaking it at me, implying they needed a refill. My response was always the same, “Are you making music or did you need something?” Use your words, idiot. I’m not your dog.

whatisachelsea

23. Better Luck Next Time

Not at a restaurant but at a ski resort as a parking attendant. I don’t remember all the bad customers, but I’ll never forget my most satisfying clapback. A guy asked why he couldn’t park in the school bus area, and I explained why. He wheedled and said there was no other parking, and I explained that there was, it was just further from the ski lift.

He said, “But I don’t want to,” and I replied “Too bad.” I leave for the bathroom and come back finding the guy and his family getting ready where I told them not to park. The guy smirked at me, so I filled out a parking ticket and place it on his windshield in front of him. He acted surprised, so I topped it off by saying: “Move your car now, or I’ll have it towed too.”

Gamgee_2

24. Honest Question

I had one of those women that complain about their food, hoping to get it comped, which she did. But then she asked for a take-out box. I said I thought you didn’t like your meal, are you sure you want to take it home? She got pissed. I should have refused to give her the box but I was new so I boxed it for her. No tip, of course.

truisluv

25. Do It Yourself

A lady was complaining about her drink, claiming it didn’t “taste right.” I think it was too strong for her and she was ashamed to admit it. We have no problem pouring a new one, but she wanted to swap it out for a completely different, much more expensive drink. I explained to her she would have to pay the difference but she refused, saying that we messed up her drink and she should get a free one.

After arguing for about five minutes, I started to walk away. She then started demanding for a manager, which was me. Then she was like, “well I want to talk to your boss.” So I said, “then go find him.” She said, “so I’m the customer, you’re the employee, and YOU’RE telling ME to find YOUR boss?” I looked her in the eye and said, “Yes.” Like dead on and then walked away. She ended up leaving.

Maps_and_Sauce

26. Crossing a Line

For context, I’m a female in my 20s working at a fine dining restaurant. This older guy kept bothering me all night. Doing stuff like ordering crudités and then calling it rabbit food and sending it back. At the end of the meal he says, “Where do I put this comment card?” I said, “See that black box over there? Right in there!” He responded with the most inappropriate comment I ever heard from a customer. He seriously asked me, “Did you just ask me to stuff your box?”

I said, “Mine isn’t black sir. I need to actually help people now.” His friends started cracking up and his face turned bright red. I don’t understand people who make inappropriate comments like that in public. It made the entire meal uncomfortable and his friends were clearly not impressed by the way he was treating me.

strangersnames

27. Choose Your Words Carefully

This is kind of a long one. I was working at a resort. The guest is a Type A jerk. He obviously has to be the “group leader” of a table full of four or five other dudes. During my spiel, I tell the table we are out of a certain THING—I don’t remember what or why. I start taking the table’s order and get to him. He asked for the thing we were out of and I reiterated: we were out of it.

He then said he’d have to call up his good friend, the general manager, and see if they could find any for him. I said: “You’re more than welcome to do so but the number on the business card you picked up at the front is an office number, not their personal phone. Also, they’re the one that just told me we’re out of this thing. Maybe if you called in advance to let your GOOD FRIEND know you were coming we could have held some back specially for you.”

Now this may not seem all that destructive but to this guy, at this table full of his colleagues, it was BRUTAL. He TRIED to save face but it failed so hard. He said, “Well, if you can’t keep your food in stock then we probably should have gone somewhere else to eat.” The gauntlet has been thrown down. I said, “That’s an excellent idea, sir. Would you like me to check if there is a table free at our steakhouse?”

He said yes and then he started talking to the other guys in the group like somehow the restaurant was in the wrong here. They’re ALL just looking at him like he’s a complete jerk, because he is. I go to the phone, call the steakhouse, and ask if they have space for ONE. They do. Good. Back to the table. I said, “You’ll be happy to know, sir, that our steakhouse is able to accommodate you and will have a table waiting when you arrive.”

This guy, in the rudest voice he can muster, which is nowhere NEAR as rude as I could be, said, “THANK YOU for SOME KIND of service.” He turns to the rest of the table and says, “Let’s go, guys.” That’s when I say, “I’m sorry, sir, I was under the impression you would be dining alone and didn’t ask if they could take a party this size. I assumed they’d be dining with us seeing as they all ordered items we have available.”

The guy just looks dumbfounded and while he’s standing there trying to process this one of the dudes at the table chimes in: “Don’t worry about it, head on down there. We’ll meet up at the bar for drinks later.” The rude grabs his drink, says nothing, and walks out. He hits the door and the rest of the table goes into that quiet “what a jerk” laugh that only men of a certain age and income bracket are able to do properly.

Later on, the dude called my manager and complained about me. When my manager talked to the other guys at the table, they had my back the entire way. It was beautiful.

phtagnlol

28. Gimme Gimme Never Gets

I work at a small breakfast cafe in Florida and we get a lot of older people who are mostly from up north and can really have a bad attitude about not getting what they want immediately. One old lady rudely exclaimed asking what she had to do to get some coffee around here and without skipping a beat I responded that you ask politely.

All the people sitting with her at her table got a good laugh in and I felt pretty smug about putting her in her place.

engineergraves

29. Took Them a Second to Get It

I had a large table at the end of the night. They were okay, except for one incredibly annoying guy. He was the guy that was so sure he was the funniest in any room and kept being obnoxious and would make jokes at my expense. They were not hurtful or rude per se, but obviously he didn’t care how I felt about it and knew, as a server, I couldn’t say anything.

So, near the end of the meal, everything had been going well but he kept up his schtick and someone commented about their group and “funny guy” says, “oh, I bet jester hates us! Am I right?” To which I replied, “No sir. I love all my tables. Some when they sit down and others when they leave, but I love them all.”

To which everyone at the table laughed—then a few seconds in, as they realized that I might be talking about them, it turned into nervous laughter

jester7227

30. Quick Witted

I had an older couple once and the husband asked me if I was stupid. I told him I was stupid enough to not come back to his table and walked away. He flagged me down a couple of minutes later, apologized and told me he liked that I didn’t take his crap.

calebsmom08

31. Regretted It Immediately

I was a front-of-house manager at a pretty nice chain restaurant. I remember one time these two men came up to my register. Keep in mind, I was a small 17-year-old girl at the time. They gave me some coupons that required a manager’s code and joked, “I hope you know how to use them, the last girl didn’t and she had to go get a manager.”

Since the head manager had stepped out, I joked back, “Well I hope I do, since I’m the only manager here right now.” One of the men laughed and said to the other one, “Wow, she’s the manager? I guess they really hire anyone here, huh?” Without hesitation, I said back, “Oh, we really do, we are actually hiring for dishwasher right now, you look like you’d fit the job.”

Immediately, my chest dropped, but luckily the man took it well, and the conversation ended there, but I was so scared I was going to lose my job.

atrobii

32. Takes One to Know One

I’ve served this couple a few times and the husband is always pretty demanding and rude to me AND to his wife. I feel bad for her. At some point during the service I mentioned that I have a child—can’t remember the context. Toward the end of the meal I asked if I could take anything away—plates, etc. The jerk husband says, “yeah, HER,” gesturing to his wife.

I thought that was bad but it got even worse. He elaborates, saying “Hey maybe you could use her, she’s done a lot of babysitting.” I glanced at him and then looked her in the face and said “Clearly.” I ignored him for the rest of their time there and spoke only to the wife. She paid the bill and tipped me well.

shellofthemshellf

33. Authentic in Every Way

I work at a New York-style pizza place but it’s in North Carolina. A customer came in and ordered a slice of pizza. This is how the conversation went. Customer: “Is this really a New York slice?” My manager: “How about you get out of here, is that New York enough for ya?” The guy laughed. It was pretty awesome

faboc

34. Perfect Comeback

A customer who was angry about something absolutely inconsequential said, “I’m never coming back, and I’m gonna tell all my friends!” The owner of the store replied, “Great, I doubt you have many.”

sandypassage

35. Playing Mind Games

This older couple, around 70, would always come to this chain restaurant to eat every Sunday after church. While the wife was extremely polite, the guy was an absolute jerk. He often yelled and berated her along with the server. On one fateful day, I was graced with their presence once again. He was being his normal rude self toward me, and even worse to his wife on this particular occasion.

Finally, I had enough of his attitude. I said, “No matter what you say and what you do, I’ll have at least two minutes alone with your food. It will be right out.” The wife absolutely lost it laughing. He shot her a mean glare, and after hesitating a split second, she continued with even louder laughing. I never touched his food, and neither did he. They never came back.

lockeland

36. That’s Some Fine Handywork

I worked with a guy who always talked a mean game about how he was going to get revenge on his most awful customers, but when push came to shove, he never followed through—until one day, when the wrong guy pushed the wrong buttons. My buddy declared he was going to employ an angry waiter classic: The butter trick.

A group of us tried not to stare as my friend approached the table, leaned down to speak to the offending party, and placed his butter-filled hand squarely on the man’s expensive-sports-coat-covered shoulder. I hope he had a really good dry cleaner.

mashed

37. Waste My Time and I’ll Waste Yours

I work in retail at a big box home improvement store, but I got promoted to an HR position, so I don’t work with customers that often anymore. However, I like to work the floor still just to help out. One small-time contractor was trying to return three large flat carts full of merchandise from her last job and she wanted it back in cash with no receipt.

We offered to look through all of her orders in the system to find the receipts, but she didn’t want to wait for that, she just wanted the cash. So I start ringing up the merchandise, knowing the system wouldn’t let me return it with no cash, but I just wanted to show her that store credit was the only option. The merchandise ended up totally around $3,000, and I showed her the register said, “Store Credit Only”.

She got irate and demanded to speak to the store manager. I told her that he’s not available, and even if he was, even he couldn’t override the system. She said something along the lines of, “I don’t know what magic wand he used to make it happen, but he helped me do this before, and I want him to do it again. He knows me, and if you tell him who I am, then he’ll help.”

So I whip out my cell phone and call his personal phone. “Hey, I’m really sorry to bother you on your vacation, but I have a customer here who has a problem that she says only you can fix. Do you remember—contractor’s name? Oh you don’t? Well she says you helped her return merchandise without a receipt for cash? You don’t remember that? Okay. Yes, I’ll have one of the assistant managers take care of it.”

She was furious and I told her the only way we could do it was by having one of the assistant managers call our Regional Asset Protection manager, who would have to approve it. She ended up taking the store credit.

masterk2014

38. The Pie Stops Here!

I worked for a guy who was too timid to refuse service to a couple who would come in every Saturday night, order a pizza, and find some asinine excuse to demand a refund and wouldn’t even tip. When I told him he needed to put his foot down, he gave me that “customer is always right” excuse. So, next Saturday, I see their usual order, and the waitress said they bragged they were “here for their free pizza.”

I figure what the heck, I can make $15 anywhere, so I decide to finally speak my mind. I walk to their table and introduce myself as the guy who has made their pizza every week for the last six months. I said I was doing our paying customers a disservice by entertaining their act, and I would no longer be cooking any food for them whatsoever, since it was clear they didn’t like my cooking, anyway.

If they wanted to pay for a different meal prepared by someone else, then that’s up to them, but I wasn’t wasting any more of my time making pizzas for them. One muttered, “but we wanted a pizza”, so I told her to try Dominos.

psiloryben

39. Stories for Days

I was managing a restaurant and one of my waiters comes to me saying that one of his customers complained about hair in the food. This is a serious issue, and I take it seriously. The waiter shows me the hair—it is a 12-inch long, bright fuchsia-brownish-reddish strand of hair. In other words, not a color normally found on humans in nature.

I tape the hair diagonally across a piece of white printer paper and then go to the table. It’s a party of six, and they’re ready to rumble, especially the husband of the one lady at the table with the 12-inch long fuchsia-brownish-reddish hair. I go in all smiles, ask for their story, etc. End of the day, I’m a nice guy, and I have a good budget for comps, so I look at the lady with the hair, and say, “Look, you’re not happy with your entree, I’ll take care of it. But I want you to understand, nobody on my staff has hair this length and color.”

I give her the paper and walk away.

CapnScrunch

40. Pays in More Ways Than One

I learned this one after receiving a “tip” from a server at a popular national chain. The server told me, “Our location has some discount options that we can apply at the push of the screen. Typically, we only use them when the customer presents ID or requests it, but once in a while we can use them to our advantage.” He was right. They could use those codes for extreme revenge.

“If I get particularly rude customers, especially if it’s a group of 40-something ladies who dress and act like they’re a wannabe cast of some version of Housewives, but are actually so cheap that they are coming to a place like this, I totally hit that seniors discount button before presenting their check. While they comb over the check because they just know I must have made errors, they see that I must have assumed they are in their 60s. I don’t care about reducing the price of their check. It’s not like they were going to tip me much anyway.”

mashed

41. Enough Is Enough

I approached a table and said the usual:  “Welcome, how are you two doing tonight?” Without even looking at me, the guy at the table said “I’ll have a beer.” So I replied, “I’m doing great, thank you. What can I get you tonight?” The guy actually stopped and looked me in the eye and apologized for being rude. This was after almost 10 years in customer service. I was always bold about being sassy with customers who treated me like a servant.

fluffnpuf

12. Leave the Jokes to the Professionals

An older woman at my table asked me what my mother must think about my tattoos and I said, “Well, my father doesn’t mind.” She didn’t take the hint—I guess it wasn’t a very good hint—and asked: “Well, what about your mother?” To which I replied, “She’s dead. She doesn’t do a lot of thinking.” I thought this woman couldn’t get any ruder, but I was so, so wrong. 

She said, “Did she die of SHAME?” I just said, “No, breast cancer,” and dropped the check. They weren’t done eating but her guests looked like they wanted to leave.

otterlikenoother

19. Lesson on Humility

I served in Muskoka, Ontario years ago. There are lots of celebrities in the area for the summer. I served Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn burgers, Martin Short, Dan Akroyd, etc. We had a local nobody who thought he was a big celebrity. He was the worst customer ever, but he got what was coming to him. He would never tip and would always crumple up both copies of the Visa bill into a tiny little ball, even chew on it until it was the size of a spitball.

So this clown comes in with a bunch of his friends and treats them all to supper—$600 bill—crumples up the visa bill again into a tiny little ball and flicks it at me with a grin on his face. I swiftly kick it off the patio and into the lake our patio is on. He sees this and says, in front of the table, “Guess you won’t know what your tip is now.”

I tell the table flat out he never tips anyway so no loss and walk away. They leave, I call the police on a dine and dash because there is no evidence this guy paid—it’s in the lake now—and I deleted the pre-authorization from the debit machine. The cops go to this guy’s house and make him return to the restaurant to pay. He wasn’t a jerk ever again.

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28. Word Play

On my last night as a delivery driver, I was told to keep the change on $14.98 as my tip. I responded by rummaging through my change pouch, took out two pennies and tossed them back saying, “If I wanted your two cents I would have asked you a question” and walked away. It was my final delivery ever and well worth it.

utrage

Sources: 12


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