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People Share Moments When Their Own Stupidity Blew Them Away

Dylan Fleury

Call it a brain blip or a mental lapse, we all experience moments where the simplest tasks become impossible or a common word stays on the tip of our tongue until someone pitifully says it for us. No one likes to feel stupid, but sometimes there is no better way to get over that than to laugh it off and share the story with a friend. Also, it helps to know that you are not the only one who does something dumb from time to time. At the end of the day, it is important to remember that pobody’s nerfect.


1. The Last Place You Look

This morning, I was installing a doorknob. After cutting the hole and putting the knob in to make sure the door closed properly, I opened the door and began looking for the doorknob so I could install it—for 25 minutes. It was still in the door.

PM-ME-XBOX-MONEYCODE

2. Stuck the Landing

I had to go to a test center to take my driving theory test. It was not a far drive down the motorway but an impossible walk. Firstly, I was blown away that I managed to miss the bus, just because of poor timekeeping and I was under a lot of pressure to get this test over and done with. So I called a few friends and one offered to give me a lift. I was early for the test so we went for a quick coffee beforehand.

We get back in the car and I realized I left my I.D. indoors so I couldn’t take the test, and with only five minutes left until it started. This was the second major mess up of the day. So, my friend drives me home again. I’m about to start emailing my workplace to tell them I failed, and as I open my emails I stumble across an old one confirming the test I had just missed.

I opened it just because I was being nosey and discovered I had arrived for the test an hour early, and it was actually meant to start in another 30 minutes. I call my friend again who laughs but understands the situation and takes me back to the test center where I sat and passed the exam. Three major mess-ups in about two hours, but it all worked out in the end.

CAndTheGang

3. That’s Not How Birthdays Work

My birthday is March 12. In high school, I saw that my birthday was going to fall on a Thursday. So I was like, “oh wow, Thursday the 12th.” I proceeded to scan the next couple of decades on my iPod touch calendar to find out if my birthday would ever fall on Friday the 13th. To those curious, no, my March 12 birthday never falls on Friday the 13th.

Not my proudest moment, but not my worst.

jrmuzzinator

4. There’s Something in Your Eye

I recently went to pick up an order of glasses. The optician asked me to try them on to see if they fit well. I told him this must be someone else’s order because everything was blurry! He was surprised and started hunting through boxes, and I kept squinting and looking around at blurry shapes. We did this for 10 minutes before the optometrist walked in.

He explained the issue and the optometrist paused and asked where I put the glasses I was wearing when I walked in. I said I was wearing contacts. I was wearing contacts. And I put the new glasses on over my contacts. I asked the optometrist if this gave me double the perfect vision and she replied, “if you mean double vision, sure.”

manlikerealities

5. Name Game

I was at my girlfriend’s house minding my own business when I overheard her half-brother—who had dropped by their home for some quick reason—mention a unique girl’s name. I loved the sound of the name and remembered that my girlfriend had told me she hated it but I forgot why, so I popped out from around the corner with, “Ah, I love that name. I can’t believe you hate it, babe. Why do you hate that name?”

The room goes dead silent. My girlfriend was staring daggers at me. I could tell I messed something up, but I didn’t know what. Then my girlfriend’s mom bursts out laughing and says, “that’s because that’s the name of her half-brother’s mother.” I noped out of that room so fast I must have left an afterimage.

elheber

6. One Before the Other

I once was cooking mac and cheese and started squeezing the cheese sauce in before draining the water. When I realized the mistake, I grabbed the cheese sauce with my hands and that just made everything worse in every way.

theslader

7. Too Tired to Tell Time

In high school, I woke up on a day where very icy weather was expected but couldn’t find school closings on TV. I begrudgingly got ready for school, stepped out my front door, and immediately slipped on ice, landing flat on my back. I got up, shook it off, and cursed the school for not being closed. I had to crawl my way up a hill to the bus stop because I kept slipping down ice on the way there.

I got to the bus stop and waited over half an hour for it to get there. I checked my watch repeatedly, getting more angrier each time. Finally, I decide that they must have canceled school and slowly made it back home—where I see a clock. It was now 2:30 AM. I. Checked. My. Watch. Repeatedly.

GeraldFord210

8. Burned Out Light Bulb Moment

I live in Florida. During the 2004 hurricanes we lost power, so all the neighbors got together for a little cookout. We could share and cook the food so it didn’t go to waste. It was starting to get dark, so I pointedly asked why no one had turned on the porch light. Every single one of them looked at me as if I were stupid.

Then it hit me, oh, there’s a reason why we can’t turn on the porch light.

llcucf80

9. Missing a Key Piece

I brewed an entire pot of hot coffee—without the coffee pot. It took a long time to clean up that mess. I needed caffeine badly, so I brewed another pot. Again, I forgot to put the coffee pot under the drip.

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10. Not Worth the Wait

During the holidays, I walked through an arts and crafts store trying to find something very specific. After finding out they didn’t have it, I got in a long line to check out. It didn’t hit me that I didn’t have anything to buy until it was my turn. I just walked past the cashier, waved, and said, “have a nice day.” But that wasn’t even the worst part.

It was nighttime.

MexElf

11. Timely Mistake

I live in a big city and used to own a car—have since sold it—and one night a friend was getting married pretty close to my apartment. There was a small pre-game happening on the other side of the city so I drove down to meet up with everyone. I was just going to drive back to my place with everyone in my car, park it back at my apartment, then we’d all just walk down to the ceremony together.

We ended up running a bit late and there were more people than could fit in my car, so we just grabbed an Uber so we wouldn’t have to wait for parking. I left my car by my friend’s house by two-hour parking but that ended like 30 minutes after I parked and didn’t apply on Sunday, which was the next day. Fast forward two weeks later.

I usually walked to work and never had to use my car. I usually needed a minute to remember where it was parked when I needed it. After looking for it for about five minutes it hit me. Conclusion—I left my car in two-hour parking two weeks ago!

FrankSkapopolous

12. You Know, The Thing That Makes a Sound

I legitimately forgot the word “piano” a few years ago. I was trying to describe a situation to someone, and I blanked. I tried to remember, but I kept saying “panio” instead. They corrected me and it all just fell into place in my head. It was the weirdest sensation of my life. I don’t know how to describe it. I felt very dumb afterward.

Ledagra

13. Close Enough

I was at Wal-Mart with my ex. We were walking by the refrigerated milk section, and I was just casually browsing the items in stock. I came across this French vanilla-flavored drink and thought it would be amazing to try. So I immediately picked it up, and was ecstatic the rest of our trip throughout Wal-Mart. However, my ex was laughing and thinking I was goofy.

We check out and head to the car, and I’m so pumped I grab the drink and get ready to chug it. My ex is staring at me like I’m stupid at this point, but I don’t care. So I start drinking, and I think to myself, “Wow, this is really sweet”. It turns out, it was coffee creamer. My ex couldn’t stop laughing. Good times.

Charmnevac

14. Word Play

The first time my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. I grew up on the US/Mexico border so I’m used to the word “con” being “with” in food. Chile con carne, arroz con pollo—you get the drift. My husband takes me to a fancy restaurant when we’re still dating, and I’m poor, so prior to this for me fancy was Olive Garden.

I pick something out for dinner and he says, “Do you want an appetizer?” I said, “I don’t care, you pick one, I’ve got to run to the restroom.” I come back and sit down and he says, “I ordered the duck con feet pastry appetizer.” All I can picture is the end of A Christmas Story of the goose with its head still on being served at dinner.

I’m kind of horrified but don’t say anything, as I’m expecting us to be handed a duck with the feet still attached. So, the appetizer comes and it’s these little pastry cups with cubes of—I presume—chopped up duck inside. I look at him and say, “So are the feet in there too?” Yeah, it’s duck confit. Not duck con feet. And I’m never living that down.

AbortRetryImplode

15. One More Bite

I told this story before but it’s possibly worth sharing again. Once when I was a kid, I ate the inside of my wall because I thought it was a wafer cookie. For whatever reason, there was a hole in my wall right above my sofa, and one day a part of the wall fell onto the sofa. I saw the bits of wall on the sofa, I realized there was a hole in the wall right above it, and so I clearly remember picking up a piece of the wall and thinking to myself “this is probably the wall.”

But I couldn’t shake the possibility that it could be crumbled wafer cookies. So I took the risk and ate the wall bits that fell on the sofa. And for whatever dumb reason, even after I quickly realized it didn’t taste like wafer cookies, I finished the rest of the wall sediments, thinking that maybe the piece I initially ate was wall, but perhaps the rest of the pieces on the sofa were in fact wafer cookies.

I was not a smart boy.

orange_cuse

16. Last Place You Look

I walked around my apartment talking to my mom on the phone and continued getting more and more frustrated. My mom noticed and asked what was wrong and I said, “I just can’t seem to find my phone!” It kicked in about five seconds later.

MeLovePotatoLongTime

17. Quick but Wrong Thinking

When I was a kid, my mom accidentally burned some food she was cooking, or more accurately, it was actually on fire. I heroically leaped to the rescue to put it out—by hitting it with a napkin. No, I don’t know what I was thinking either.

IHad360K_KarmaDammit

18. What Are the Odds

As a child, I decided to close my eyes and walk around to experience the world as a blind person would. I stretched my arms out in front of me so I wouldn’t walk face-first into anything, but that didn’t stop an open door from passing undetected between my hands at just the right angle and smashing me square in the nose.

legthief

19. Those Already Exist

One time I was out in the rain and I was really cold and my fingers were icy, but my feet were warm in their socks. I said, with so much confidence, “Man, I really wish they made socks for your hands.” The look on my friend’s face was priceless. “Do you mean, gloves?” I was astonished.

greenbubbleedu

20. Maximum Stupidity

When I was around 8 years old or so, I was messing around with a motor and fan I’d taken from a broken toy airboat. I knew a little about electricity, and I was just so pleased with myself for making the motor run faster than I’d ever seen by hooking it up to a 9V square battery—the toy took regular batteries, so it would have been 1.5 or 3 volts. Then I remembered that our main voltage was 240v. Imagine how fast it would go with that!

After figuring out how to bypass the socket’s protections by laying bare wires over the live and neutral holes and plugging something else in, I had two live wires and a motor. All I had to do was join the contacts up. This is the point where I was blown away by my stupidity, literally! In my excitement at just how monstrously fast this motor would run, I forgot my previously planned “use a pen” approach and grabbed a wire in each hand to press them to the contacts.

The next thing I know, I was on the other side of the room and could smell burning. The fact I was using the original thin wiring from the motor saved my life, and probably some dumb luck too, as that current went from one hand to the other, right across my heart, and it did enough of a job on my leg muscles that weren’t in its path to launch me clear across the room.

fgdhfgbfgvb

21. The Waiting Game

I drove up to traffic lights and joined a row of cars on the left side of the road. It took me several minutes to figure out that the cars in front of me were parked and weren’t waiting for the green.

Calculon009

Blown Away Stupid FactsMax Pixel

22. Can Never Be Too Cautious

Once I was packing for a trip and decided to bring my hair straightener, but I was worried it would turn on in my suitcase and start a fire. I decided to wrap the power cord really securely around it to cover the on-switch. It didn’t hit me until I got to the end of the cord and saw the plug.

skyyrawrrr

23. Unintentionally Exposing Himself

I was at my significant other’s parents’ house and getting hot and heavy in the shower. They have a second house on their land and usually, we’ll crash there when we visit them. So her dad is knocking hard on the door to the house and isn’t letting up, and we can hear it from the bathroom. So I get out, quickly get some clothes on and answer the door like nothing’s happening.

He asks, “Can I come in?” Like to the house, not the bathroom, and I say, “not really.” So now, it’s immediately clear to him what’s happening and he leaves embarrassed. My partner is about ready to die inside she’s so embarrassed. And I’m the most embarrassed just for how stupid it was to not just say, “yeah come in.” I was dressed and she was in the shower so there was zero evidence of canoodling until I told him there was.

Probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.

Lankience

24. Who’s to Say They Don’t

I—female, 30—was at work and my colleagues—all men, 50—talked about electric cars and the fake engine sound they have to make. I asked what the sound is for and someone answered, “So that, for example, blind people can hear the car”. I started laughing hysterically and said, “But blind people shouldn’t be driving electric cars!” thinking that, for some reason, blind people wanted a nice sound while driving.

Splendidbaker88

25. Getting in Your Own Way

Once, I was walking through a doorway and a person was walking through in the opposite direction at the same time. We both repeatedly tried to get out of each other’s way, only to get in each other’s way again. Every time I tried to get out of the way, so did he. Every time I tried to walk through the doorway, so did he. This went back and forth for about a few seconds before I realized the door was closed and the other guy was my reflection.

Viazon

26. It Goes Both Ways

When I was in high school, we had a dog that liked to dig holes under the gate in the chain-link fence in our backyard. I walked to and from school and the back of the house led to a side street that I took to get to school, so I always came and went from the back door. One day when I got home from school, I saw that my dad had placed a large rock in the hole right in front of the gate to stop the dog from getting out.

This annoyed me because the rock was too big for me to move on my own, so I couldn’t pull the gate open like I usually did. So I walked all the way around to the front door, super annoyed, while pushing the gate open never having occurred to me. I was a straight-A student, by the way, and when my dad got home it still hadn’t occurred to me that I could have pushed the gate open.

I complained about being “locked out” of the backyard, and my dad teased me about it for years. He said I was straight out of a Far Side comic.

hopperella

27. Doing Two Things at Once

It happened just now, actually. I was reading a pretty long physical newspaper article while waiting for something on my computer, with one of my hands on the mouse. As I kept reading, I tried to scroll down the article with the mouse. All I had to do was to look at the rest of the article with my eyes. I was frustrated for a bit before realizing how much of an idiot I am.

StPsycho

28. All Roads Lead to the Same Place

During one of my first Dungeons and Dragons games, we started at a tavern. We decided as a group which way to go, every step of the way. Eventually, we got to some pyramid deep in the woods with a labyrinth inside. There were crazy creatures to fight, and awesome treasures to be found. And later, as I’m leaving to go home, I tell the DM that “it’s a good thing we decided to head north out of the town I guess”.

It never occurred to me that no matter where we went, the “next place we found” was already predetermined.

StanDarkloard

29. Mouth Wash

One time when I was a kid—like, maybe 10 years old—I was in the bathroom with the door open playing with the sink. For some reason, I was squirting as much liquid soap in my cupped hand as it could hold. No idea why I was doing this, but when you’re a kid you find some pretty stupid ways to pass the time. Anyway, I’ve got this giant glob of soap in my hand, and I hear my mother start walking down the hallway.

Afraid that I’m about to get scolded, I do the only rational thing a 10-year-old would do with a giant handful of soap. I ate it. So my mother turned into her bedroom, not even looking into the bathroom to see what I was up to. I cleaned myself up and went to my room, realizing I had just punished myself worse than I would have gotten had she caught me.

All I can remember thinking is “Wow, I’m an idiot.”

Mhblea

30. Take a Hint, or Several

All right friends, I know this story is hard to believe, but this is why it’s such an “I am absolutely blown away by my stupidity” story. I was driving to my boyfriend’s house and needed to add a touch of gas to the tank just to make sure I could get there and back. Also, I’m a poor college student in NY—very little driving—so I was only going to pay for a couple of gallons.

I got my license as a sophomore in college and this happened my senior year of college. I had pumped gas maybe a handful of times. I grabbed the green nozzle—green means go, right?—I was pretty distracted. My first clue that something was off was that the nozzle didn’t fit right. Like it kind of went in, but I couldn’t get it to stay, so I just stood there and held the nozzle up to the tank.

The gas kept dripping out onto my hands. I got frustrated so I stopped at about two gallons, paid, and left. I remember distinctly smelling the gas on my hands the whole drive there, about 15 minutes. I burst into my boyfriend’s house and immediately went to the bathroom to wash my hands, which my boyfriend was amused by. A few hours go by and I think nothing of it.

After a while, I get this nagging feeling about the whole gas thing so I decided to Google “green nozzle gas” and immediately saw that I messed up royally. Since I had put such a little amount in, some sources suggested that I might be able to dilute the diesel if I filled up the gas tank and ran it down several times. My boyfriend and I rushed out to the car to try this, but the car sputtered upon starting and shut off.

I was so embarrassed and flustered. We had to wait for his parents to get home. His dad, might I add, had the same reaction as many of you—“how did you manage that? There are specific barriers so that you can’t put diesel in your car!” I suddenly realized why the gas spilled onto my hands. Anyway, I then had to call my dad to come to pick me up.

This also happened to be the first time my parents met my boyfriend’s parents, something I was hoping was going to happen at our college graduation, but alas. My dad shows up with a cut-up garden nozzle, states, “I haven’t done this since high school!” and attempts to siphon out the diesel. It doesn’t work. Apparently, newer cars have blocks in place so people can’t steal gas.

They also have blocks so that you can’t put diesel in but I got around that one, didn’t I. The car had to be towed and the engine was flushed out or something. I paid my parents $700. I think I’ve regained some respect from my boyfriend’s family but they still tease me incessantly, and I deserve it. That’s my story of how I managed the impossible leading to bewildering stupidity.

stephannypac

31. Pocket Shot

Last night, I was at a Halloween party and a friend ordered a round of vodka shots. Not my usual, but hey, they’re buying. We circle up, clink glasses and skull them—except me. I get about halfway down mine and sissy out. So there I am with a half shot of vodka. No one really cares and we head our separate ways. I look at it and think, “What a waste to throw this away, but I don’t want it this very second.”

So I take it and put it in my pocket for later—glass and all. Now mind you, I’m not drunk by any standard, just absent-minded at this moment. The kicker is that I didn’t register my stupidity until about 20 minutes later when I went in my pocket to pay for my next drink. I got a funny look as I got a shot glass and a wet 10 Euro note from my pocket.

WhiteRabbit86

32. Mirror Image

Ok, so the reason I asked this is because today I bought a little tiny mini drone. Cute little thing and it flies probably better than any other I’ve controlled. Anyway, I played with it for about five minutes and decided to land it and charge it. I pushed the auto land button and started to guide it down. The thing was facing me so when I pushed left it went right. Duh.

I panicked that cute little drone exactly—like a swish shot—into a big glass of ice water that was half full on the end table. The drone sank like a rock, and I’m currently drying it out.

ColoTinMan

33. Time to Go Shopping

When I threw my dirty clothes, which I meant to wash, in the garbage.

RatsCats42

34. It’s in the Name

I remember a time when I was about eight years old. I got to school and everything was fine, as usual. Some moments pass before I realize I lost my backpack. It wasn’t in the usual places and thus I began to panic. I ran around the entire playground with feelings of pure dread and anxiety. I then began to dissociate with reality.

A few more moments pass and I see my older brother. I run to him and explain the situation, struggling to speak. “It’s on your back”, he says It was on my back. I’m still coming to terms with it 17 years later.

Watery-Jizz

35. Right Idea, Wrong Execution

When we got a new router. I’m the one in the house that’s “good with technology,” meaning I know how to troubleshoot on Google and plug things in, so I was tasked with setting up the new router. I’ve never done it before but it seemed simple enough. I read about the setup online really quick and got everything situated, except for one thing.

The wireless worked, but the cable wasn’t working, so the desktop it was “attached” to wouldn’t connect. Lights were all on and blinking, everything was plugged in, and I turned it on and off, unplugged it for a few minutes and plugged it back in, and the wireless worked fine. I couldn’t figure out the problem. I had never been this stumped.

I called the company and they went through every step with me and even remotely reset it a few times, but same thing. So the lady sighs and asks again, “Is it plugged in? The cord connecting the router to the computer?” And I’m looking at it and I go, “Yes, it’s been plugged in the whole time! It’s the grey one!” And then I realize the grey cord is plugged into the router, on both ends.

Both ends are plugged into the router in two different spots. I took one end out of the router and put it in the computer and somehow suddenly the desktop connected to the Internet! I felt so bad for wasting the call center’s time.

coolerdog

36. Break Out the Rice

I, uh, had way too much fun one night and ended up puking. Yeah, yeah I know. Anyway, some of it got on my phone, but not too much. Me, still drunk I’m sure, decided to clean it off by running it under the faucet. I watched it die in my hands. It was one of those great “yes, this is the consequence of that action” moments.

I wasn’t angry at myself, just bewildered at my own stupidity.

brokenyolks

37. Stuck in a Loop

Ugh, so this still embarrasses me every time I think about it. When I was 16, I went to go get gas and pulled up to a pump on the wrong side of my car. I got out, realized my mistake, and drove around the pump in a circle and pulled up to the one in front of it. I got out, ready to pump, and to my disappointment…I eventually went inside the gas station and asked the cashier for help and he got in my car and did it for me.

Such a nice guy and I’m sure they all had a good laugh about it later. I, for some reason, just couldn’t understand what I needed to do. It was ridiculous and I still facepalm just thinking about it.

iam_citizeninsane

38. The Potato Isn’t the Only Thing That’s Baked

Coming back from my work café and I’m proudly clutching a baked potato for lunch. I get off the elevator and run into a lady who sees me and goes, “Aw, what are you having?” Important to note here that I am about seven months pregnant at the time but this doesn’t really register in my mind as she is asking me this pointed question and it’s lunchtime, so that’s what’s on my mind.

I turn and look her dead in the eye and reply, “Um, a potato.” I turn and leave and go back into my office, sit down and it hits me like a train. She wasn’t asking about my lunch. She wanted to know the gender of the baby. Sorry, strange lady! It’s a girl.

Valkyriescry

39. Wrong One

Once I took the wrapper off of a honey bun and threw the honey bun in the trash. I was devastated.

unit578

40. They’re Watching Us

For the longest time, I didn’t know how the maps at the mall knew where I was. Anytime I asked anyone, they just laughed. One day it clicked for me and I only felt shame.

mehkibbles

41. Wait for It…Actually, Never Mind

During the Blues hockey games, I get notifications when either team scores. So oftentimes, I have my phone in my pocket while watching the game on TV. It’ll buzz and I’ll know someone has scored. However, because I use PlayStation Vue, there is a lag between real life and when I see the goal happen on TV. So a half a minute to a minute later, I’ll see it and become either really excited or really disappointed.

So feeling my phone buzz when watching hockey creates a pretty high level of anticipation for myself. The stupidity came when I went to a hockey game last year. My phone buzzed in my pocket during the game and I got really excited expecting someone to score. It took a minute or two to realize just how dumb I was.

Cochise22

42. Same but Different

I bought an Xbox and the game Madden 2015, but I bought the Playstation version. I spent hours trying to get the disk to play. I tried all of the updates I could. I called my brother to ask for help. I called customer service. That’s when I noticed the issue and just hung up on customer service. Gamestop wouldn’t give me a full refund because I opened it, so I gave the game to a friend for free.

chumps321

43. One Way Call

I was about 15 or so and we had moved into our new house about one or two years before this happened. We were having some trouble with one of our phones—we all had mobiles but we also had a home landline—so we tried calling my mobile from the home phone and everything seemed normal. My parents were going out for dinner, so they left and I went to the kitchen to eat dinner and watch TV, leaving my mobile upstairs.

Important to note that when we called my phone, we didn’t pick up and a missed call was left. When I came back to my phone I saw a missed call so I decided to call the number back. As I’m calling, I hear the home phone ring so I take my phone away from my ear to answer the home phone. I pick up the home phone, “Hello?”

And click end call on my mobile thinking I’d call them back but heard something from that phone just before I hung up. Nobody was on the home line so I decided to call back the number from my mobile. As you can see I was calling myself, but I didn’t realize it. This went on for about 10 minutes until finally, I decided I’d wait for them to call me back.

I waited for about five minutes and decided I’d call back one last time. This was the point where I realized that I was calling myself. I was so surprised that I let this go on for so long without realizing. I found it pretty funny afterward.

tonycipri

44. Deadly Combination

I grew up in a trailer park, in a trailer heated by propane gas. When I was 16, a blizzard hit my area really hard and my mom was worried because immediately prior to the storm, she thought she smelled propane just outside and was concerned about us having a leak. At about 10 o’clock at night, the heater started acting funny and my mom, fully convinced of the leak at this point, asked me to go out back and check the propane tanks to see if they still had gas, and if so, how much.

So, I begrudgingly throw on some clothes and headed out into two feet of snow. As I got around the back of the trailer near the tanks, I slipped and dropped my flashlight, which promptly shut off. But a lightbulb goes off in my head—I’m a smoker and never go anywhere without my zippo! So I light it up and start poking around the tank to read the meter and see if I can smell any propane, and then it finally sinks in.

I’m looking for a propane leak with an open flame. So I was figuratively and almost literally blown away by my own stupidity. That was some real Darwin nominee material that night.

Electric_Evil

45. AA Batteries Required

One day in school my friend had a pen that lit up when you pressed it to paper, or if you flicked a switch on the pen the lights would flash. He kept turning it on and waving it at me. This annoyed me, so I took the batteries out of the thing in front of him. He stared at me for a second before trying to get the batteries back.

In the midst of the struggle, I figured out the best way to stop him from getting them—I popped them in my mouth, and then proceeded to swallow them. My friend returned to staring at me, but with a panicked look on his face. I didn’t think anything of it at first, but eventually, I realized that I shouldn’t have done that.

I started feeling weird. I held my hand up and asked my teacher if I could go to the nurse’s office. Skeptical, she asked me why. I told her I had just eaten three small batteries and was feeling weird. She stared in disbelief, I think, for a second, then told the class that she’ll return in a moment and immediately seized my hand and practically dragged me along, sprinting to the nurse’s office.

She threw me into the nurse’s office and screamed, “He’s swallowed batteries!” The nurse jumped up out of her chair, “Oh my god, oh no, I’ll ring the NHS and find out what we need to do”. I immediately felt like the stupidest idiot alive. I asked if I was going to be okay, and my teacher looked at me and smiled the fakest smile I’ve ever seen in my life, “Of course you are, boy”.

Long story short, I had to be taken to the hospital and had to be x-rayed to see where the batteries were. They had reached my stomach, so I was at risk of the stomach acid melting the metal coating and the battery acid entering my stomach. I was given laxatives and a sieve and kept overnight, of which I spent 75% of this sifting through my sludgy bowel movements like some crazed Wild West miner scouring for gold.

Eventually, I found them and I’ve lived happily ever after since, thankfully. I wish I still had them as a trophy of the stupidest I’ve ever been.

Gartholamewd

Sources: 1, 2


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