First-hand embarrassment is hard enough, but there’s something particularly difficult about digesting the most humiliating moments of others in real time. From these love moves that crashed and burned to jokes that died on arrival, these Redditors showed how there’s no one way to be a fool. That being said, it’s truly our empathy for others’ pain (and social mortification) that makes us human. Cringe to these shocking moments of second-hand embarrassment.
1. You, But With a Woman’s Touch
My buddy tried hitting on my sister. “I always thought it would be cool to have a chick that’s a female version of [my name here].” Swing and a miss.
2. You Kiss Yours With That Mouth?
I was at a college basketball game years ago when there was a bad call on the ref’s part, and the guy like two rows ahead of me and my friends yelled out something like, “You screw your mother with that mouth?!” Like it was really weird and inappropriate and not something you’d yell at the ref because it makes no sense…and then like everyone around him just got quiet and turned around to get a look at the guy who just yelled that with a “What the heck is wrong with this guy” look on their faces.
3. No One Likes a Tourist
I once went out with my mom and one of her friends. She kept flirting with the young Hispanic waiter. When he asked us what we wanted to drink, she said “agua” really exaggerated-like and then turned to us and said, “it’s Mexican for water.” Cringe. That was only one of the many things she did. She also kept talking about how handsome Hispanic men were any time he was around. She was at least twice his age. I actually found the guy after we were done and apologized for her behavior…
4. Not Getting to the Bottom of This One
It was in my public speaking class at a community college over a decade ago. I can’t remember the exact assignment, or the context of the assignment, but we had to give a speech in front of the class every week. This girl got up in front of everyone and gave a full 5-minute speech about how her friend “had sex in the butt hole and didn’t like it.”
I have erased most of what happened from memory—for good reason—but I just remember her shouting, at the top of her lungs, the phrase “sex in the butt hole” multiple times in five minutes. I have never been more uncomfortable in my entire life and you could tell the entire class felt the same. Then I looked at the professor in the back of the class and she was white as a ghost.
Like, she didn’t know how to process what the heck just happened. Sitting through five minutes of that was the most uncomfortable experience I’ve ever had in my entire life.
5. An “F” for Effort
My dad came with on a field trip back in elementary school. We had an admittedly attractive substitute teacher that day, and she was introducing herself to all the parents. Sub: “Hello, I’m Miss Fine” Dad: “Why yes, you are.” She immediately just walked away.
6. Waterworks Won’t Make It Any More Original
Once in high school, we had an assignment to write an introduction for an imaginary movie/book/play or whatever you wanted. The teacher showed us a short text as an example. The weird girl in my class used that text and read from it at the end of the VERY SAME class and we were all like “You didn’t write it, it was the example the teacher showed us just now.”
She burst out CRYING and said that we were all mean to her and that she wrote it all by herself and that it was just a coincidence that it was identical with the example. Cringed so hard.
7. So Much for “Father” of the Year…
I was one day going out with my dad and his working colleague in a bar to have some drinks. I had a fresh driving license, so I was going to not drink and drive them home after. It was not my dad whom I was embarrassed by, but his colleague, who said to some hot blonde sitting next to me on the bar totally drunk: “I think you need a proper daddy.”
The girl looks at him in disgust, and stands up and moves two seats further down the bar. She was my age as well, and the friend of my father was nearly double my age. Maybe because the girl was my age, I was even more embarrassed.
8. Newsflash, Spellcheck Exists!
I’ve told this story before but…I was a news reporter and I went to cover a local NAACP event. The host had a written out a history of the local chapter she wanted a teenage girl to read. The girl took one look at it and handed it back, saying “I can’t read this, it hasn’t been proofread.” Very awkward. The host read it herself—it sounded like it had been written by a first grader.
9. Too Old to Be Treated Like This
My mother-in-law does stuff all the time where it’s embarrassing. One of the most embarrassing things I remember though is we were at Olive Garden since that is where my nephew wanted to go for his birthday. She asked for a senior menu. She had maybe just turned the age where you would even qualify or get a senior discount.
When the server told her they didn’t have a separate senior menu, she demanded to speak to a manager and complain about it. Everyone there was mortified. Pretty sure my brother-in-law left a hefty tip as part of an apology.
10. Go Back to Comedy School
Almost every day this past school year, this girl who sat next to me in our math class. Jesus, she’d literally raise her hand until the professor saw her, then say these incredibly dumb jokes. Example “Haha! Who has the brain cell?!?” And other trash that almost made sense but definitely didn’t fit the tone. Professor was a super quiet mid-30s guy who didn’t even try to smile in response.
I don’t blame him. Deeper in the year the worse it got, like two or three times a class. I’d actually have to physically put my forehead against the desk because I felt so uncomfortable. I actually made a friend through it though. The other girl who sat next to me hated it too. We’d make uncomfortable eye contact and cringe together until the moments passed. I just hope everyone knew I wasn’t a part of that whole mess.
11. All Bets Are Off
My buddy and I were at our local bar with some friends, and he got smashed on one too many shots. He suddenly decided he was a pool shark and tried to show off in front of some girls, as he challenged everyone in the bar to beat him. In four games, he sank two shots—both by accident. All I could do was shake my head as he continued to make an ass of himself. Worst of all, this was in front of a bar full of regulars, so he heard about that for years after.
12. Slip-and-Slide to Heaven
Watching pallbearers lose control of a coffin they were carrying down a steep set of granite church steps after the funeral was over. An ice/sleet storm took place during the funeral service, so the steps were slick. Several pallbearers went down as the coffin landed on the granite steps and slid the rest of the way down to the sidewalk below. Fortunately, the lid didn’t open. But we all felt bad for them as the look in their faces showed they were mortified.
13. Eyes Bigger Than His Wallet
My ex coming out for dinner with my parents, knowing he wouldn’t have to pay, and always ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. One time in particular, we all ordered pasta dishes that were about £10 each and some tap water for the table, and he ordered a £30 steak with sides and a beer. Never felt more embarrassed in my life.
14. When Fandom Life Makes You Want to Die
A woman in the store I work with is the most cringe-inducing person I’ve ever met. She sings to customers unprompted and without saying anything else to them and then stares at them expecting praise. She used to wear a shirt that says, “I write fanfiction, what’s your superpower?” and refused to put her apron on so everyone would see it until management had to ban shirts with writing on them.
She tells customers about her fanfiction in detail. She almost physically fought another employee who is a Captain America fan because she wouldn’t admit that Captain America is “a complete piece of trash who deserves to die.” She keeps going places she has no reason to be in and getting stuck so one of the guys has to “rescue” her and if the person who comes and gets her isn’t a dude, she’ll get stuck again.
She tries to sneakily listen to conversations so she can butt in with one of her “impressive” but doesn’t realize a 400lb. woman can’t sneak for anything. And she forgets (or pretends to forget) to take her medication at least once a week and then overexaggerates her symptoms for sympathy. The last time she did it she rolled around on the floor and pretended like she didn’t know who anyone was until someone told her she needed to go home if she was that affected.
Also, she has a crush on me. And a crush on my brother. And a crush on our exceedingly gay manager. And a crush on half the stock team (except, of course, the black/brown guys). And she thinks she’s sexy and suave. I’m a bigger person so I can’t say much but like, the woman genuinely looks like a pig. She also hates women and thinks she’s better than all of them, so she won’t listen if a woman gives her directions.
She’s basically a female neckbeard, right down to the fedoras—she wears a fedora into the store sometimes and then throws a fit when she can’t wear it on the floor. This would all be…Well, not normal, but at least a little more understandable if she were in her teens, but she’s almost 30 years old.
15. Age Before Manners
I guess you could call him my step-grandpa? My mom’s weird husband brought his weird dad (part of it is autism, part of it is he’s an old man who’s never been challenged) to Olive Garden. First, he just sort of announces his drink order to the hostess while she’s doing menus. Easy mistake to make, thinking the hostess is the waitress.
Except his drink order is “I NEED a tall glass OF SKIM MILK.” Both the hostess and then later the waitress had to explain to him why they don’t just have a gallon of skim milk lying around. This made him so angry he said it was stupid that they had “the wrong cows.” So, I’m thinking, “Well, that was hell on earth. I guess old people forget not all restaurants are Denny’s, and autistic people have important habits and routines.
At least he has water now.” NOPE. As you know, Olive Garden brings many things to the table: drinks, soups, salads, bread, refills, cheese graters, and then more bread. Our waitress was new. So, she had a hard time carrying so many things on one tray, she took a few trips. When she showed up with a big salad bowl and a bunch of salad plates, he was furious that she forgot his soup.
When she showed up with the soups and breadsticks, he freaked out that she should have brought two baskets (except Jesus Christ, she DID bring two baskets.) I swear to god, at one point when the waitress poured water in his glass, I heard him try to go “No! I ordered milk,” but it was either quiet enough that the waitress didn’t hear, or stupid enough that she ran away.
The worst part of all this is that this 70-year-old man was allowed to adopt a 10-year-old girl. By the time they were 72 and 12, he had turned her into a total pariah. She had a major mustache that no one talked to her about, she didn’t wash, wore the same basketball clothes until they smelled, and she didn’t see anything wrong or unusual about her father making the waitress cry real tears. So that was the night I cringed for like, two hours straight.
16. You Crack Me Up, Old Man
Oh, this just happened yesterday! First class of summer semester in grad school, we were going around introducing ourselves. Professor wanted a typical “what do you do for fun” kind of answer, and this 50-year-old IT guy just deadpan says, “I love smoking crack cocaine.” Clearly it was a joke, but it did NOT land, everyone else in the room just stared at him until he said he was kidding.
17. A Recipe for Incompetence
I went to culinary school; it was me and three other girls in our dorm room. Filled with embarrassment for one of my roommates as another roommate desperately tried to explain to her that Hamburger Helper doesn’t have any beef in it, you have to buy the ground beef separate. She just did not understand. I have a billion stories about stuff she said/did.
She really was so ignorant and clueless about the wildest things. Which always baffled me because she came from a very affluent family with three siblings attending one of the biggest colleges in our state. Every single story makes me embarrassed for her.
18. Punch-Dial Drunk Love
My friend got drunk and usually, I am able to stop her in time when she tries to do something embarrassing. I was at the party with her and she said she had to go to the bathroom. I waited for her outside so I could drive her home but got distracted when my brother’s best friend (also drunk) started vomiting in the bushes next to me.
After a little while, I went back in the house to find my friend. Assuming she was still in the bathroom, I knocked on the door. I heard her muffled voice through the door and things like, “I’ve thought about this for a while…We should really give this a try,” and other things that were barely intelligible because she was just THAT drunk.
I barged in to stop her from doing whatever the hell it was she was up to only to find her on the phone. I took the phone from her and looked at the caller ID. It was our professor’s name. At 2 am she had drunk dialed our young, attractive creative writing teacher and told him she was in love with him (she was not).
The next day she had to sit through that class (very hungover) and she didn’t even care! She actually thought it was hilarious. Luckily, he was cool and just laughed it off when she apologized later. In short, my friend drunk dialed our professor, confessed her undying love for him, and had to sit through his class for an entire semester.
19. Hell on Wheels
Someone I was dating and I were ordering at Culver’s drive-thru. She was talking to her mom over the car’s Bluetooth and then all of a sudden, her and her mother started cussing and yelling at each other. Well, if you don’t know, at Culver’s the whole shop can hear you if you’re at the drive-thru. The manager came barreling out with a red face telling her, “You have to leave now! This is a family establishment as people don’t want to hear your profanity!”
That only angered her more and she started going off on this manager. So, dumb freaking me, thought maybe I could be the voice of reason. I say, “Hey let’s just go somewhere else. We don’t need them spitting in our food.” I personally don’t think they would’ve, but she’s a germaphobe to the max and I was just trying to convince her to leave.
She left alright….and I just stood there with the manager feeling so embarrassed about her anger issues and then getting kicked out of the car.
20. Let’s Get Ready to Rumble…Eventually…
My college did a free “Field Day” event, where they hosted rides and games and other stuff during the springtime. They had a big sumo wrestling ring where you put on the fat suits. I was sitting on a nearby bench watching people, it was a pretty fun time just watching people bumble around. Then this guy comes up, and he probably weighs… 450, 500lbs.
They start trying to fit him into the sumo suit, and it’s pretty clear right away that the suit is just not going to zip up on him. They tried for like 10 full minutes to get that suit on him. It might not sound like a long time, but it felt like 40 years when you have that many people just standing around watching as they try to fit a fat guy into an even fatter guy suit.
21. What Goes Around, Comes Around on Your Outfit
Riding home on the express commuter bus a few years ago, about a 45-minute ride. Everyone on the bus was professionals after a long day, so it’s very quiet, as opposed to a city bus. We’re just finally pulling into the station when I feel something splatter all over me. The lady behind me has thrown up rather violently, and because she was trying to hold it in, it shot over herself, me, the guy next to me and the guy next to her.
I understood what was happening and the first thing that I thought was, “Oh god, I bet she feels terrible.” I snapped open my work bag and handed her some thick napkins I keep with me, then cleaned myself off. One of those moments where I really felt like an adult, thinking about another person first.
22. Not Your Private Arcade
Was at a friend’s graduation ceremony with my dad and a few friends. My dad started playing a video on his phone with the volume at max and everyone heard (literally all eyes were on him). I had to tell him his video was so loud everyone was looking. He stopped the video but didn’t think it was a big deal. My friends and I who were sitting right next to him were cringing. Later I found out my dad is actually deaf in one ear, which explained a lot over the years looking back.
23. A One-Man Flash Mob
I was in a class with about 50 other people when this really quiet guy stood up and started to play “Gangnam Style” out of his phone and started doing the dance with a wide grin on his face. Nobody laughed, and so he sat down after about 10 seconds of singing and dancing, and the lecturer proceeded to carry on with lecture.
24. All in All, He’s Just Another Brick in the Wall
In middle school, a kid decided to don his karate wear and break a brick for the talent show. This intense music starts playing, and he comes out. Bows his head and…HIYAA! Hits the brick. It doesn’t break. Tries a couple more times. It remains unperturbed. He stomps off the stage in tears. I’m sure to console him people told him, “No one will remember this in 10 years!” It’s been more than 10 years. I still remember him as the kid who couldn’t break the brick.
25. Drop Out While You’re Behind
An integral part of my architecture education was what we called either critiques or juries. Basically, you’d present your work in front of a group of your classmates and professors to which questions could be asked and suggestions are offered. It was an incredibly valuable part of our education, as getting and offering feedback really encouraged more critical thought about what we were doing.
Unfortunately, it also meant that if you produced bad work, you’d get torn to pieces. Anyway, come our final jury presentations for the semester, this one guy pins up his presentation materials and physical model and gives his presentation. It was bad. Seriously bad. Aside from only taking up a quarter of his allotted time, it looked like his presentation materials were half finished after a night of fervent scrambling to get the work done.
There just wasn’t enough to even start to ask questions or give suggestions to him. So, everyone, trying to think of at least something productive to say, kept completely silent. It was probably only 15 seconds, but it was the absolute most awkward silence of my life. Eventually, one of the professors spoke up and said something along the lines of, “If this is the kind of work that you think is acceptable, you probably shouldn’t look at continuing in this program.”
To which the guy just replied, “Sorry” and walked out. He didn’t show up the next year. So yeah, I have never felt as awkward as that, even in situations where I’m the subject of the awkwardness…
26. A Gentleman’s Dishonor
This was my freshmen year of college in 2006. One of my gen ed class requirements was a minority studies class, and the only one left was Women’s Studies. I figured it would be a perfectly okay class, and it honestly was. The problem was this guy in the class named Carter. Carter was the precursor to the modern day “Ladies, I must apologize for my gender/look at me I’m such a good ally to women” guys, and every time he raised his hand, you could see a lot of people in the room cringe.
He had said something dumb, and the professor had moved onto a new topic when he raised his hand again. He then said, “I just wanna apologize again for what my gender does to women.” I feel like everyone in the class was staring a hole through their desk because of how utterly embarrassing this guy was. The professor said, “Okay, um if that’s all you wanted to say, let’s move on…” and oh lord, does thinking about that still makes me cringe.
27. A Narrow Mind for an International Trip
Airline pilot here. The captain and I had a guy from another airline riding in the jumpseat between us in the cockpit of a US airline jet. The captain was a bit of a blowhard loudmouth and decided to make a comment when he saw an Air India plane: “You know what I hate most about Indian women is that big red dot on their forehead.”
The jumpseater said, “My wife is Indian,” and produced a photo from his wallet of his family including his Indian wife with the bhindi on her forehead. The captain only made it worse while he squirmed by asking some trash like, “Is she from Eastern India or Southern India, because I’m referring to the ones from….”
My mind was cringing so horribly I blanked out on the rest of the conversation.
28. Bound in Holy Awkwardness
Recently went to a wedding where the groom had five or six different groomsmen, and they all gave a speech. First few were pretty good and funny. The last guy that went tried way too hard to make it funny. He started off with some lame cliché joke about how the bachelor party was crazy and that they’d never talk about it again.
He actually paused and waited for laughter and not a single person laughed out of over 150. Then his hands started shaking, and he kept losing his place. I think he eventually gave up after about two minutes of torture and just said, “To the bride and groom!” It was horrific.
29. In a Galaxy Far, Far Away…This Still Isn’t Cool
When I was in the seventh grade in Texas History class, we had an in-class assignment in groups of three that required us to read a passage from the textbook and then summarize it in a skit for the class. I was grouped with a good friend, who we can call Karen, and a girl who was known for being really socially awkward who we will call Janice.
Janice was that type of socially awkward that tried really, really hard to be “cool”, but failed miserably, while wearing a Naruto headband every single day. Our passage was about cattle herding, and for some reason, Janice got it into her head that it would be hilarious to hum the Star Wars theme song, but instead of regular humming, moo it.
She wanted to moo the Star Wars theme song at the end of the skit. She tried to convince us, but Karen and I did not want to get destroyed by our classmates, so we refused. When it was our turn, we completed our skit and started to sit back down, and Janice looks at us and screams “PLEASE?!” and we both just shook our heads.
She burst into tears and explained that she wanted to do something cool for the performance, but we refused, so could she please do it on her own? The teacher told her to go ahead. Janice, still sobbing, stood in front of the class and moo-ed the entire Star Wars theme song, but the tune was unrecognizable since she was sniffing and gasping in between moos. So, we all just kind of sat there for a solid five minutes, watching this girl in a Naruto headband bawl and moo.
30. Abled-Bodied and Able to Be Rude
My friend chatting up a girl in a wheelchair. He didn’t intend to be patronizing but he really, really was. Like telling her how hot she was in this amazed tone of voice, as if no girl in a wheelchair could ever be a hottie. He was trying so hard to ignore the wheelchair that it just became super obvious that was what he was doing. I cringed so hard I nearly snapped my neck.
31. It Runs In the Family
Was at a friend’s brother’s 21st birthday party and was standing around talking with some other guys. On the driveway, a bunch of girls were dancing to the music. It was a really chill night. But it was about to get a lot chillier. The guy next to me said to the guy on his other side “How about the rack on that blonde chick?” The other guy replied, “That’s my daughter.” The first guy mumbled something and left at a brisk walk.
32. So Much for the Language of Love
My sister was on a first date with some guy she met online and was nervous, so she had my significant other and I meet up with them. The guy was super braggy about being able to speak German, not knowing that my S.O. was raised there and speaks it fluently. So, my S.O. tries to start a conversation with him in German. The guy apparently only spoke a few words of German and left embarrassed and without any chance of a second date. My S.O. still feels a little guilty about it.
33. There’s Got to Be a Better Way to Say “Occupied!”
I was on a train going between London and Manchester (UK) and went to use the bathroom. The toilet at the end of the carriage was disabled-accessible, so it had a wide curved door that automatically opened at a steady and slow pace—about 20-30 seconds to complete, uninterruptible, retracting in a semi-circle to allow wheelchair access to the carriage.
If you’ve traveled on these trains before, you’ll know that to close the door you enter the stall, push a button to close the door, then when it’s finished closing, you press another to lock it. Someone had not told this to the lady in the loo. Just as I arrived, another person coming from the other direction pushed the outside button to open the door and it started its inevitable arc.
For at least 30 excruciating seconds, the button pusher, myself—and eventually everyone sitting in the packed commuter carriage beyond who was facing in our direction—got to see the woman bend up from the seat, reach and hop to the other side of the cubicle and desperately pummel the door-close/lock buttons inside. Pants around the ankles the whole time.
White bottom flashing. At a merciless pace, the door opened fully, contemplated its life and then closed on the pitiful image within. The button pusher and I looked at each other, said nothing and went back to our seats.
34. The Holidays Aren’t for Nerds
I’m usually the subject of firsthand embarrassment, but this time…A local radio station I listened to hosted some kind of Christmas charity event, where the DJs stood outside some kind of children’s’ charity drive and talked about it/talked to the people giving donations. They had been playing music in between asking people their names and talking about how much they had given stuff like: “Thanks to Dave from Cityville for the $300, say hi Dave!”
Dave: “Uh hi. You’re welcome. Happy holidays.” The cringe begins when a guy named Josh comes in to give some money to the charity. DJ: “Wow, Josh has given us $3,000, the most generous donation of the day!” Josh: “Yeah, haha, I did, so how much do you have now?” DJ: “Thanks again Josh, and I think that puts us at $10,000!”
Josh: “No no no, I mean after what I gave you how much do you have” DJ: “We have $10,000 in donations, Josh.” Josh: “No I mean, what number did my donation put you over?” At this point I’ve gone from confusion to realizing what Josh is trying to get the DJ to say, I’m actually facepalming for him. DJ “Well, before you donated we had about…$8,000?”
Josh: “No no… that’s not what I mean” DJ: “I don’t…quite know what you’re getting at Josh” Josh: “Get it? now you have, over $9,000!” DJ: “Um.,.What?” Josh: “Get it? after what I gave you, you have over $9,000!”. DJ: “Yeah…I don’t get it.” Josh: “Like there’s this show called Dragonball Z, and the guy in it…he says ‘Over 9,000!’ Hahaha.”
DJ: “Ohhh right, right. Yeah, alright then.” Basically, a guy donated thousands of dollars to charity over the radio just to get the DJ to say, “We have over 9,000.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t get the joke, and then he tried to explain it to her. I don’t remember a lot of the details or the exact amount but I’m pretty sure the guy donated in the thousands.
35. Listen to Your Wing Man, Buddy
I always get this when I watch guys hit on girls unsuccessfully. One particularly painful example was a good friend of mine, who is not the best when it comes to flirting, and he had just come out of a long-term relationship so safe to say, he was rusty. At any rate, he makes a beeline toward this girl. I try to intervene and assure him that it will not work.
She was seeing someone, and her friend had told me that my friend, currently making moves toward her, weirded her out a little. I pleaded and pleaded with him to just refrain from doing it, but he was having none of it, as he thought I just wanted to take a stab myself. Anyway, I watch helplessly as he moves towards her, slides up and attempts to hold her hand.
She looks mildly scared, so he says to her in a fairly loud voice, “Don’t worry, I’ll hold you.” At this point, I have to look the other way as I am actually dying of embarrassment for him. She then slowly starts moving away looking quite fearful and then briskly walks outside. He comes back over and asks if he should go for her friend instead.
36. At Least They’re a Happy Family
Sleeping over my friend’s house in seventh grade. I was trying to sleep on the floor, however, his parents decided to have very loud, wall-rattling sex. I laid there trying to fall asleep for about 15 minutes, when a loud shriek hinted that it was over…I kinda laughed a little and my friend, who I thought was sleeping, just says “I am so sorry.” We awkwardly laughed about it and then went to bed.
37. It Wasn’t Her Brightest Moment
I was 14 years old. My best friend—who was really only my best friend because I was a quiet autistic submissive type who would go along with whatever she, a dominant personality, said—was trying to fit in with the crowd of loud, funny “popular” kids. The only catch was that just wasn’t her personality; she’s not a witty person.
She’d been cracking “jokes” and remarks in almost every class all week and so far, a pity chuckle was the best response she’d gotten. One day, we’re all in registration class waiting on our tutor to come in and take the roll call before we head off to class, and she thinks it would be super hilarious to get up and switch off the light.
She struts over, flicks it off, and as she’s walking back to her seat one of the language teachers walk in. He asked, “Did you just turn off the light?” She replied “Yeah.” He looked confused and just asked why. She responds, with the biggest grin, “Because it was bright,” and glances back at the class waiting for someone to laugh.
No laughter came. Everyone either looked confused, annoyed or, like me, scared as to what the teacher would reply. I sank down into my seat. The teacher looked uncomfortable, said “Well, yeah, that’s the point,” and left.
38. It Was a Match Made in Hell
In terms of real life, a buddy of mine was talking to this girl we all knew, and they’d been getting pretty flirty. So, the decision was made to invite her camping with us in the hopes one of them would make a move. Flash forward to that night and our buddy did seemingly everything he could to screw it up—spilled beer on her, stuck his finger in her mouth for no reason while she had a look of what the heck is going on here.
Finally, somehow, she still didn’t hate him and toward the end of the night, he tried to kiss her and headbutted her pretty damn hard because he moved in too fast. After this, they had a talk because this girl was apparently the crown princess of second chances, and he threw up on her. Obviously, this was God’s way of intervening.
39. Drinking for One
I worked concert security. One shift, after the show finished, we were slowly moving the crowds toward the exit. Three of us guards were walking together when one of them spotted a woman standing just outside of the bathroom, holding a beer. This guard (female) walks up to the woman and says, “You really shouldn’t be drinking that while pregnant.”
The woman replies, “I’m holding this for my husband until he gets out of the bathroom.” The other guard and I pick up the pace to distance ourselves from our fumbling co-worker when we hear the woman continue “Also, I’m not pregnant.” I’ve never run so fast from a situation in my life…
40. A Woman of Few Words
My family was on a holiday trip to Dubai. Me and my mom went shopping by ourselves. Neither of us could speak Arabic, and my mom’s English is not that great, so I expected that I would have to do most of the talking, but what I didn’t expect was for her to completely ignore every single store staff. They would come up to her and talk directly to her and she would not even glance at them, just continue what she was doing and ignore them. Also, she would interrupt my conversations with them whenever she felt like it. It felt pretty embarrassing at the time.
41. The Seven Seas of Regret
Stuck on a cruise ship for three days after my friend proposed to his girlfriend on the first freaking day and she said no. That same first night she made out with some random guy in the hot tub. I’m honestly not sure how devastated my friend actually was, but it was intensified by the fact that he’d drink himself stupid daily by 2 pm, which would lead to him going to beg her to get back with him.
At one point, she was sitting on the new guy’s lap at the bar and he grabbed her hand and “confessed his love for her” for what must have been the fifth time in two days. It was a constant battle of trying to pull him away and convince him to either go to sleep or come with us to another part of the ship. He is a good friend, so I felt terrible for him, ‘cause that was super awful on her part and tried to help him all he would allow, but it was awful to watch.
By the end of the cruise, the entire boat it seemed like knew what had happened. When I tried to bring it up with my girlfriend (who was on the cruise with me as well) days after we got home, she straight up refused to talk about it, saying that was painful enough at the time so we never need to speak of it.
42. A Bill Is Just a Number, Right?
Have this uncle who is extremely cheap and once took us out to dinner. After he got the bill, he asks for the menu again and takes out his calculator and starts double checking the bill prices and menu prices. This goes on for 15 minutes while the waiter patiently waits next to the table. At the end, he realizes he forgot his wallet and asks us to pay. Don’t think I’ve ever tipped that generously.