When couples’ therapy gets too expensive, there’s always the Reddit Relationship thread. Angsty broken hearts from all over the Internet have come to vent—anonymously—about their most illicit love woes. What dreaded attractions are spouses hiding from their once-loved ones? What deepest regrets can never be shared with anyone? Found out with these shocking stories about reddit’s worst relationship issues.
1. You Have to Give Him Credit, But Not Hers
We went to Costco to add me to his membership. The guy helping asked if (ex wife’s name) was still the secondary person for the account, and my fiancé said yes. The guy asked if he wanted to add me as an associate and he said yes. I know it’s just a stupid membership, but it hurts that they’ve been divorced for 10+ years and she’s still listed as “wife” in his bank accounts and all other accounts and memberships.
2. Stop, Drop, and Say Yes to the Ring
My boyfriend of slightly over a year has finished his studies and has landed his first job in a new country. He wants me to leave my job (and career) and everything I’ve known and move to a new country/continent to be with him. I feel that he expects me to sacrifice my career and social life and start from scratch in a new place with him, all while he has absolutely no real investment or commitment in this relationship.
I said I viewed being engaged a sign that he is invested in the relationship, and that I want to be engaged before I throw away everything I’ve known, to follow him to a new place. He, however, disagrees with me entirely and believes this is an outrageous thing for me to suggest. We are at a total standstill with this argument.
3. The Naked Truth (About My Insecurity)
My girlfriend wants to go naked with some female friends on a nudist beach. She did ask me if I wanted to join, but it’s not something I’m comfortable doing. However, I feel like this is something you just don’t do when you’re in a relationship. She said she’s there to hang out with her friends and avoid any men that might hit on her (at least she has the insight to know this will happen), and I have no reason to think she’ll cheat. But I dunno. I can’t quite pinpoint why, but this feels very wrong.
4. Grief With a Side of “Say Cheese”
In the 90s, I dated a fellow for a couple of years from when I was 13-15 and he was 14-16. We had a terrible relationship, he dated another girl on the side, and I was psycho-obsessive and clingy. As a side effect of being obsessive, I took a lot of pictures of him during an era where there were not a lot of pictures being taken.
If you were around in the 90s you know what I mean, we generally got photographed once a year for school photos and that was it. His family moved, we broke up, life went on, but then he was killed in a car crash at 20. I have often considered sending photos to his mom, but the idea made me nervous. Well, now I am archiving all of my old photos and it came up again.
I looked her up on Facebook and today…as in 30 minutes ago…she was posting about the anguish of losing a child. I am determined to send her these photos, because it has been bothering me for literal years and now they will be digital. But I am still anxious about opening a can of worms.
5. The “Ex” in “Long-Distance Excuse”
I met someone online about 5 months ago. It started off getting to know each other, and it turns out we had a lot in common and were really compatible…I think it’s safe to say we fell for each other. It quickly turned intense and we shared every single intimate detail about each other. We both were in serious relationships that fell through, but some time had gone by for us.
My 7-year relationship ended about 10 months ago (5 months before we met), and his 4-year relationship ended 4 months before we met. We text all day, every day, and FaceTime for 2-3 hours every night, save for maybe 1 or 2 nights a week. He lives in Ireland. I live in the US. I found an incredibly-priced flight to visit him.
We were both so excited and maybe a bit rash, as I booked the flight only after 2 months of knowing him. He told his family about me, shared photos of his family, and we planned all that I am going to do and see with him. At 5:30 this morning, I received a video message and a long text that his ex-GF was in a serious car accident and that he would have to cancel.
I’ve begged him not to and I am trying to be supportive of what he is going through. So far at most I’ve only gotten that he will try. That he needs to sort this out. I’m freaking out in that seven days I will be in a country where I don’t know anyone. Do I cancel the flight? I’ve been telling my friends about going on a trip (not really saying that I’m meeting somebody)…I have no idea what to do now. I feel sick. I feel like a fool. I feel like everything he said to me was a lie.
6. Keep Your Feelings in the Family
Me and my girlfriend have known each other for ages, we have been together on-and-off as teenagers and now are in an 8-year-long stable (but troubled) relationship. She has a sister that I know very well and always liked (we have very compatible personalities, similar ways of thinking, same humor, plus I find her very attractive), but I never considered this more than simple lust, something I could control.
This sister, somehow, has always been quite unlucky with guys (maybe she has too-high standards, maybe because she’s kinda shy and introverted, I don’t know), and she had her first intimate encounters a couple of years ago. At the time my girlfriend told me about this, I realized I felt bad thinking about her sister dating a guy…to the point where when this idiot dumped her, I felt relieved.
All of this made me feel confused, sick, and ashamed about myself, but it only lasted a few weeks. Fast forward a couple of years, I’m in the same situation, but this time it feels 100 times worse: the sister found a guy 3 months ago, and my girlfriend found out about this 1 month ago. Of course, she immediately told me, and she’s happy for her sister, but I can’t help feeling bad, I guess jealous and ashamed.
I haven’t seen her sister for a few weeks, and now I don’t even want to (except we talked on the phone and she candidly told me she misses me and always thinks of me, which didn’t help at all). I don’t want to hear about her new guy, and certainly I don’t want to meet them together. If I think of her being intimate with him, I feel my heart literally sink.
I hate the idea of going out on a double date with them, but I know that at a point it will happen, and I don’t know how I could handle that. I really don’t know what the heck is going on. All I know is that it hurts really bad, plus I feel really guilty towards my girlfriend.
Me and my girlfriend always had a turbulent relationship, full of fights and resentment, and I don’t know if I’m unconsciously trying to sabotage it by falling in love with the wrongest person in the world, or if I really developed legit feelings for her sister through the years, and now the chickens are coming home to roost.
7. Living in Disharmony
So let me start off by saying that I know this was slightly manipulative. I deceived her by omission, and it speaks volumes about my communication skills. I understand that, and I actually feel really guilty about it. But here’s what happened. My girlfriend is very critical about music. I make music on my own, but I never felt like she ever gave me real criticism of my music, despite me pleading with her to give me something blunt and real.
She always said it was great, and never had anything else to say about it. But when she would critique other music, she would get extremely detailed with it, critiquing music down to the very last detail. I really admire her thoughts on music, and all I really wanted was for her to do that for my music as well.
But she would always just say it was “great” without saying much else, and I never believed her due to the stark differences in how she would frame these other opinions. One day, I had her listen to some music without telling her it was mine. I just said, “Hey check out this track,” without saying it was mine. She went in.
She said it was the work of someone who had no idea what they were doing. The composition was all over the place, and it didn’t flow together. Sections of the song were much too long, there was a rise without a climax, and she said it was all around just a boring song. When I told her it was my song, she got really, extremely upset.
She said I was a jerk for lying to her, I manipulated her, and that she can never trust me again. She took a bunch of things and stayed at her parents’ house last night. I feel terrible, but at the same time, I also feel a bit vindicated. Also, I feel like she’s overreacting. I don’t really know where to go from here, because I don’t want to lie to her about how I feel about what I did.
8. Gotta Go Too Fast
When she broke up with me, my girlfriend promised me she still loved me and that she wasn’t going to try for anyone else, but immediately afterward she was intimate with another guy. Am I right to be upset? My girlfriend and I just broke up due to “feelings she didn’t know how to deal with.” While we were together, she would always tell me how special intimacy was to her, and how I was the only person she ever enjoyed it with.
It took us a while after we started dating to do it for the first time. So, when she broke up with me, she promised that she just needed to get her feelings in check and that she wasn’t going to try to get with anyone. Fast-forward a couple days, and I find out that she was intimate with the exact guy she said she wouldn’t try to get with barely a day after we broke up.
I felt gross, sad, and angry. Suddenly it seemed like our relationship never really meant anything at all, since that seemed like a foundation it was built upon. She said that “people make mistakes,” that she “didn’t initiate it,” and that she “still only wants me.” This didn’t change how I feel, and I’m still upset.
9. A Sudden Case of Matrimonial Fever
We’ve talked about marriage a few times, and always agreed that it was something we would do as soon as it had financial benefits (concerning taxes and insurance). It wasn’t important to either of us. We had a child together in October and we both didn’t know if it would all work out. We didn’t want to have a kid, I had some complications with my birth control and accidentally got pregnant, but I couldn’t go through with the abortion and he respected my decision and stayed.
We fought quite a bit, and I always had in mind that I would have to raise our son all by myself. But my boyfriend is an absolutely amazing, patient, and affectionate father and I’m very proud of him. And ever since the birth of our son, I’ve started to have this desire to marry him. I don’t quite understand it, since marriage was never important to me, but I would be so proud to have his last name and be his wife.
I don’t want or need a big wedding, just a signature and perhaps a ring, but even that isn’t necessary. Since we were both kind of pressured into having a child together, I don’t know if I should tell him about my wish to marry him. He’s always been a bit tentative when it comes to such big decisions and I wouldn’t want him to feel like it’s something he has to do to make me happy. So, do I tell him? Or do I keep this wish bottled up and wait for a time when marriage is financially profitable for both of us?
10. If Only the Human Heart Had a Passcode
My fiancé of 2 years suddenly started changing his phone password every day. We used to know each others’ passwords and it wasn’t a seemingly big deal, but now that he started changing his every day it is making me nuts. He also shields his password from me when he has his phone out and he’s on it. I went through his phone a few times (sure, I have trust issues from the past). However, I keep finding him kissing his baby mama’s butt consistently, so I’m not happy about that. Do I think he’s cheating? Not necessarily.
11. Not Such a Blast From the Past
An important background fact: my boyfriend and I broke up before and we recently got back together. During the time we were apart (about 2 years), he was seeing someone else, and they were together for 8 months-ish. My boyfriend and I go a long way back, we had been together for 6 years before the separation. When my boyfriend was with his ex, he surprised her with a cake and planned an overseas trip for her on her birthday.
My birthday is coming up, and I have asked him if he would be interested in going away for a short trip with me. He was iffy about it and I feel slighted and jealous that he wasn’t excited about the prospect of travelling together with me. I know I shouldn’t be comparing because at the end of the day, he made the choice to be with me. So that means he cares for me more than his ex. But this has been bugging me.
12. Should I Evict Her From My Heart?
My girlfriend and I have been dating for more than a year. We were both at a point where we wanted a nicer place. While it wasn’t something we could afford on our own, we could together. We moved into a new place that had room for both of us. And then she quit her job without talking to me first. And hasn’t paid rent yet.
She should have residual income coming in at the end of the month. She’s been spending all day sleeping and watching Netflix. She’s also had crazy mood swings and throws temper tantrums when I ask her to help around the house. I can’t afford this place without her. The two of us working full-time would have given her money to relax with.
She can pay, but this is not what I signed up for. I don’t know if she is depressed, bipolar, or lazy. I have tried to be encouraging and helpful. I have tried to talk her into going to see a doctor, and she won’t. I just don’t know what to do…
13. Party of None
My fiancée and I are recently engaged and have been together since we were 18. She’s not the bridezilla type, but she has imagined a nice wedding. She’s not very social and has no sisters/female cousins, and as a result she has no bridesmaids. Zero. I, on the other hand, have a solid group of guys to be groomsmen and they’re already talking bachelor party.
My fiancée won’t have a bridal shower or bachelorette party, or anyone to go dress shopping with, etc. It’s really bringing her down and she won’t even talk about weddings. Once she said between sniffles, “can’t we just sign a paper at a courthouse?” But I know neither of us really want that.
14. He Liked It, But He Put the Wrong Ring on It
I have strong suspicions that my fiancée (we’ve been dating for three years, engaged for 9 months) doesn’t like the engagement ring I bought her. Before buying it, we discussed the type of ring she would want, and we quickly realized that the one she would most like would cost an absurd amount of money. She eventually picked one out with smaller diamonds at a much more reasonable price.
The only problem is that I am catching her not wearing it with her friends or on business trips (she is relatively high up in her organization). I even caught her this morning returning from a business trip wearing a fake one with a huge diamond in it. I believe that she loves me and isn’t sneaking around; I just think that she’s embarrassed by her ring. This concerns me because I do not want to spend a fortune on an engagement ring, but I am also concerned about marrying a “princess” who is embarrassed by a more modest ring.
15. The Worst Breakages Are the Ones You Know
I was with my ex off and on for three years, sometimes it was an open relationship. I had one boundary at all times of our relationship, and that was that he was never to hook up with my three closest friends. After lots of breakups and sleeping together but not being together, I realized this relationship was never going to end unless I moved on.
So, I did and started dating other people (while still sleeping with my ex). It started to get serious with one of the guys I was seeing, so I told my ex we could no longer hook up. Even though I was now in a new committed relationship, I still had feelings for my ex for the first two months, but was trying to move on.
I have been with my new boyfriend for 5 months and I very much love him, but I just found out my ex hooked up with one of my best friends three months ago. Meaning, not only did my ex break his promise to me, but my friend hooked up with him while I was still healing/moving on from the relationship.
16. I Stole Everything but His Heart
I got caught shoplifting (first time offense, no police report), and the guy I was dating for the past 4 months decided that he “doesn’t know” me. He broke up with me a few days later on Valentine’s Day after I told him I loved him for the first time. He said that he needed some time to think about our relationship. When I asked him how much, he said “one year.”
He later changed his mind to one month, but wants to remain friends during that month to re-evaluate whether he wants to re-enter a relationship with me. This has been really hard on me, and I’ve gone through a lot of emotions in the last 4 days. I’ve told him how upset it made me, and begged him to be more forgiving, but he doesn’t seem very interested in getting back together in the long run. I don’t think he’s sincere about the reconsidering thing. I think he just wants to stay friends.
17. When Cuddle Time Becomes Cry Time Too Many Times
Charlie and I have been together about five months now, and things really are pretty good. No major fights despite the occasional disagreement, and I’m genuinely happy being with him. That said, his anxiety has started coming out really horribly during intimacy, and I’m not really sure what I can possibly do about it.
He has a diagnosis and a regular therapist, and intellectually, I know he cannot help it when those nervous thoughts creep out. I can deal with it from day-to-day and try to be the best support I can be. But lately, intimate time has literally devolved into me having to lay there and comfort him 3 out of the 4 times we’re in bed.
The act itself is good. No complaints. But if I’m not vocal enough, he descends into calling himself a “stupid failure who can’t please me.” And then I hold him, assure him he’s not, and repeatedly tell him I’m not leaving him. If I’m too vocal, I’m “faking it to make him feel better,” and once again, it’s my job to lay there and comfort him. Either way, we’re done for the night.
I came out late. Charlie was my first everything. Being romantic with him is a large place of vulnerability for me, and I just don’t know what to do when this happens. I want to be supportive and understand it’s not “about me.” He can’t help mental illness. We need to talk about it. But I’m afraid of sending him spiraling.
18. Off the Grid
OK I know this will sound kinda clingy but hear me out. I check my S.O.’s location every so often when we are meeting up. Just for reference of when I should leave to meet him, not because I want to know where he is 24/7. On some occasions (randomly), he won’t appear on my Snapchat map, which is odd because I can usually see him on the map.
He is absolutely wonderful, and I know he cares about me, but it weirds me out a little bit. It happened again last night after we parted. We’ve been dating for like half a year (if that makes any difference). I don’t know if I should be concerned about his sporadic disappearances, or if it’s potentially an app glitch. He has never given me a reason not to trust him, ever.
19. Can Pay for Love
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for five years. I am always working on making the distance “shorter,” but still it’s hard…I am a very devoted person and I love my boyfriend, maybe too much. Visiting my boyfriend is actually the only thing that gives me satisfaction, and also finishing my studies to end the long distance thing is my main objective. Today, he confessed me that 3 weeks ago, he slept with a prostitute.
I tried to take it as a good thing that he told me, but then I started to feel useless and really irrelevant for him…he slept with this woman when I needed him more. That weekend, a very important person in my life passed away. I was trying to ask for attention, and he was out doing that. Today he told me this just because I saw a Tinder notification on his phone, and I asked. I don’t know what I am looking for, but now I feel alone and in a foreign country (his country). He is playing games in the other room and I am in another trying to understand what to do.
20. If Only Jealous Outbursts Were Air Miles
My boyfriend told me to clear my calendar this weekend because he wanted to surprise me with a trip to his hometown—something I’ve been asking to do for a few months. All of his old friends were going to be back this weekend, and he was really excited to introduce me to all of them. He picked me up after work so we could head out of town, and that’s when I mentioned that I ran into my neighbor again.
My neighbor hits on me every time he sees me. He’s attractive, but I always make it clear I have a boyfriend. I probably made a bigger deal out of it than I should’ve. Honestly, I just mentioned it because I thought it was funny. I realize now that I was probably just trying to make my boyfriend a little jealous, which was childish.
My boyfriend was in a really excited mood for this trip, but he got really quiet and seemed annoyed with me. He said I bring this guy up “all the time” and he’s “freaking sick of it.” I’ve only brought this guy up a couple of times in the past. He turned the car around and said he’s “over this.” I begged to go with him because I was excited all week for this, and I wanted to spend time with him, but he wasn’t having it. I bawled all the way home and he didn’t care. He dropped me off at my place with my bags and I haven’t heard from him since.
21. The Office Is No Place for Second Chances at Love
I started a new job six months ago, two months after my divorce. I eventually developed feelings for my boss. I don’t know if it was because I felt alone, but I knew he had a lot of qualities I sought in a man. I told him how I felt two weeks ago. He told me he was in a strong relationship, which turned out to be true. He did comfort me with a hug and told me he wasn’t shutting me down or anything, it just wasn’t appropriate.
The assistant manager found out about it and brought it to HR. The boss and I are forbidden to be in the same room, and he’s not allowed to hug me for a bit. I was naive and could have lost my job and got lucky in this case. After that incident, it’s been hard to move on. We treat each other as if it never happened. I’ve been trying to distance myself a bit, but he ends up being near me somehow.
He comes up and asks if everything is okay if I am alone or asks simple questions that he could have asked other co-workers. He tends to buy lunch for the office more often now. I usually decline, but he ends up persuading me. The whole boundaries thing is a bit inconvenient because it requires me to send other co-workers to fetch some paperwork in a room if he’s alone in it. I told my boss this, and he completely misunderstood me. He acted as if I was accusing him of crossing his boundaries towards me. So, I had to explain myself, and he assured me that everything will go back to normal eventually.
22. Head Over Heels Into Annoyance
My girlfriend can be very clumsy sometimes. Most of the time, it doesn’t matter that much, like dropping a few spoons or hitting her toe on a chair (she has myopia and uses glasses so that doesn’t help). But she’s also broken a few of my things. She once dropped an Xbox controller and the battery case broke, so it’s partially malfunctioning now.
She once dropped a ceramic plate, and a glass of water. She tripped over a small table I was assembling and damaged the wood a bit. A few days ago, she was using my computer and dropped one side of the sliding table that holds the keyboard. It hit the case, and the computer shut down immediately. I got really angry and told her “Can you not break something for once?”
I could see in her face that she was really hurt by it, but I was really irritated, and she left the room while I tried to get it working normally. A few minutes later it was working, and I realized how hurt she was. She was in the living room sitting in silence. I apologized and she apologized too, crying. I told her I really love her, but she has to do something to stop dropping and tripping over stuff.
23. Too Chill to Be True?
If I visit my female friend and go to her place alone, my girlfriend is fine with it. If somebody else is hitting on me, my girlfriend is laughing and saying she trusts me, so no need to feel any jealousy. My ex wrote me recently and I asked my girlfriend if it is ok if I replied, since my ex was trying to get back together several times.
She said sure, and never even asked me what we talked about. As if it never happened. My colleague was hitting on me openly and texting all the time. My girlfriend didn’t care at all, even if I replied to her and we had some internal jokes already. I don’t get it. I am not a jealous type, but some situations would make me feel uncomfortable even though I trust her completely.
24. Eating for Two, Loving for None
Has anyone else experienced this? I love my wife and have been happily married for three years, with a couple years of dating before that. We had a very active bedroom life that had dwindled somewhat from peak, but it was still healthy prior to her getting pregnant with our first child. Ever since she started to show, I feel like I have become pretty turned off to the idea of intimacy.
Has nothing to do with the health aspects or feeling like I would “hurt the baby” as far as I can tell. I just find myself noticing other women in my day to day life a lot more and finding myself far more attracted to random strangers. Quick Google search didn’t reveal a ton (quite the opposite really), and I’ve heard from friends that a lot of them felt like second trimester was an extremely active time for them.
25. From Hot Score to Keeping Score
We haven’t been married long. A little over a year. I have been getting tired a little from when she blames me for things, but I am not sure I just need to do better and work harder or just don’t know what I am doing wrong. She usually tells me “I didn’t mean it, I was just mad,” but it is wearing me down a little. My wife keeps track of who did the dishes last, and gets mad if she ends up having to do dishes two times in a row.
Granted, I should have done the dishes, but I just came back from work and I am really tired, so I want to sit a little before doing the dishes. I get hit with a “Why do I have to clean this stuff when I cooked?” Another example of how she would be really mad at me and I would be at work, but she would message how she hates cleaning after the dog and how she shouldn’t be doing this on her time off.
When I told her I was sorry and I would help clean when I got home, she changed the subject and told me “It’s not that, it’s because I wish you were home so we could spend more time together.” I don’t know if I am being an insensitive husband or I just need to do more chores, or if she is just very emotional and I shouldn’t let it bother me.
26. Surf (and My Passion for You) Down
I have been with my wife for 10 years, since high school. I have never been with or dated another woman, ever. I always thought I’d never find a girl that was like me. I don’t like to leave the house much (only to go to the gym and surf), and all I do is play video games. Recently, I met a girl who was exactly like me to a scary degree.
We like the same stuff and basically are the same person. Now, I have no romantic interest in this woman, but it has showed me that someone like that does exist, and it has thrown my whole perspective into whack. For background, I recently have accomplished some of my life’s goals.
I live on the beach, have a very good job, and all that’s left is to have a family, which I know my late dad would really want. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt my wife, but I don’t see a future with her anymore.
27. Not Into Outsourcing
I’m a 28-year-old male and I am currently at a crossroads with my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 months, and it’s gone well. We have had arguments here and there, but for the most part we are able to work through them. Here’s the problem: Recently, she was telling me how she and her friends were arguing about giving birth, and how she wanted to have a surrogate birth.
At the time, this caught me off guard, and I didn’t say anything. Well, it’s been a week and now I still can’t shake that she would want that. That is not something I would want at all as I am not comfortable with someone else delivering my baby. I understand it is her body, but bringing someone else in to help us start a family is not something I’m ok with. We have not been dating long, but we also have to start considering these things that factor into how committed we are.
28. The Rest Test Is Loyalty
A couple months ago, I ended up in the hospital due to a condition (epididymitis) that is generally caused by an STI/STD. It is possible to get it in other non-STD ways. However, I never had any partners before my current girlfriend, and she claims I’m her first as well. We’ve been together for about 5 months.
So, when I was diagnosed, I had told her to get an STD test, which caused a big ruckus because she said she never had been with anyone else and would never do that to me. Anyway, she said she got one anyway from a local clinic right away. She told me if they don’t call her within the next 2-3 days, that means she’s clean and has nothing to worry about.
She told me she never got the call, which meant she was clean. She said later on she also called them back to confirm. Now you may be asking, why didn’t I get tested too? Well, I went straight to the ER when this all happened due to pain from the condition. And they took urine and lots of blood, so I’d assumed they’d run all the tests necessary to make a diagnosis.
However, the ER doctor began an antibiotic treatment right away. So, a few weeks later on a follow-up appointment, I discover no tests for STDs were actually done, and since I’d gone through the treatment I’d obviously show up negative regardless if I were to get tested now. So, I’m not sure if medical malpractice was done here since they started treatment without proper results.
But that’s a different discussion. So as of right now, I don’t know what caused my condition. Whether it was an STD cause or a non-STD cause. My only way of making sure is seeing my girlfriend’s results with my own eyes. I don’t know how to ask her this in the sincerest way possible to get peace of mind. I genuinely love her, but this has been on the back of my mind for weeks now and you can never be too sure.
29. The Grass Is Always Greener in the Fantasy Relationship
It’s been 4 years. We haven’t had intimacy in over a year. We live together in a city where we know a limited amount of other people. I am financially reliant on him. I have developed two major crushes on other men over the course of the last year. The first: I recovered from the crush with only minimal cheating (if that can exist? He touched my breasts once.)
And the second: he rebuffed me entirely, but I still miss him with an intensity that feels more than platonic. Is this evidence enough to break up with my boyfriend? He is aware of both crushes and he loves me so much that he chooses to stay with me. There have been weeks where I’ve felt complete love for my boyfriend at a time.
He is insistent, though, that he never wants to get married, and we still don’t have an intimate dynamic that either of us are happy with. I fantasize about my friends, people I actively want to fall in love with me. This impulse I have to fall in love with other people might say more about the deficits in my own emotional health than it does about the long-term devastation of breaking up with the love of my life.
30. Out of This Realm
We are engaged, in love, getting married this summer (YAY!) after dating for 2 years. I love her and am grateful to have this amazing woman in my life. She’s the best, literally (to me). She is very intelligent, educated, and she’s basically the most “normal,” straight-laced person around. She’s not a “goth” by any stretch of the imagination.
Despite her normality (whatever that means), and despite even being a committed Southern Baptist, she is very much into what I would describe as “occult things.” She has always absolutely loved horror stories, movies, games, anything that is spooky and creepy. This has extended into her reading about other occult and new age-y practices like Tarot (which she sometimes does with me); Ouija boards, which she uses frequently with her friends and me sometimes; and many other things in that vein.
She has a privileged background. She is over-educated and under-worked, and these things provide an intense excitement and thrill, which she feels like she is otherwise lacking in mundane life. That’s how she has explained to me why she is interested in this. I just can’t help but be creeped out by this, and I honestly wish that she would stop being into this stuff.
31. The Real Pledge Week Is the One to This Guy’s Respect
Girlfriend Jess and I have been dating for 3.5 months now. We connected through a female friend of mine at work. Jess and I aren’t serious, and we only became exclusive a month ago. We didn’t spend the holidays with each other’s family or anything. We were talking over face time, and she shared her sorority stories of guys she hooked up with.
Honestly, it made me lose respect for her. Just stories of her sleeping with a guy so that way she can get the whole status boost of dating a frat star since her sorority wasn’t a “cool sorority.” Sleeping with guys to get into parties, etc., and in general just racking up a really high count. I don’t know, I was just really disgusted by the behavior. I would never marry a girl with a past like this. I don’t mind just dating for the fun. I am a bit lonely as is. But I wouldn’t want it to progress to anything serious.
32. Birds of a Feather Stay Together
I was on the phone with my girlfriend one night when she came across a baby pigeon just sitting in the grass. She felt sorry for it and decided to take it in and feed it and keep it warm, and things seemed to be okay. I stayed up, helped her research what baby pigeons need to eat, and we ended up learning a lot together. It almost seemed like a date night, really.
Fast forward to today, a week later. She’s barely responded to my texts on time. Whenever she sends me snaps on Snapchat, it’s always of the darn pigeon. She’s become obsessed with the darn bird. Maybe I’m being a bit too unreasonable, but I’d like to think my own girlfriend doesn’t care about a pigeon more than me.
I’m wondering if maybe she sees it as a surrogate baby, since she’s been making offhand comments about “our grandkids someday,” etc. This could also be stemming from the fact that recently, I took her to visit my mother’s church, and I don’t think she was very impressed. It’s a non-denominational church (lots of flags, supporting God’s chosen, etc.) and I think it might have freaked her out.
Someone walked up to her, and before she could react, said, “God has a plan for you” and laid hands on her. To me this is very normal, but I think it scared her, because we had an argument about it that night. After some back and forth, I got frustrated, and said, “Do you want to go to hell?” After I said that, she looked like someone poured cold water on her, and left.
After about 30 minutes, I still hadn’t heard from her, and decided to look around. After about an hour, I still couldn’t find her and was starting to panic. I finally got a response from her. She said she was feeding her pigeon and would like to be left alone with it for tonight. A wave of panic rushed over me, and it was almost like my fingers moved on their own. I replied and said, “Have fun with your new boyfriend.” And she has left me on read ever since.
33. Dine and Clash
I have been slowly noticing that she makes a lot of noise when she uses forks, spoons, and knives. She clashes them together pretty loudly and hits the plate frequently. I think she is generally well-mannered when eating, but this is that one weird little thing she does, I guess.
Would it be condescending of me to tell her and sort of “help” her break that habit, or is it a legitimate thing to be concerned about? I’m thinking mostly about how other people might see her as rude or lacking in manners if she does this around them, which she probably does as this is something she’s probably done all her life.
34. No Room for Romance on the Road (or in the RV)
I have been writing romance novels since I was in college. I was a relatively successful author, and I have made a living off selling my novels ever since. I do not make a lot of money, but I do bring home about $40,000 a year in book sales. This allows me to stay at home during the day so I can write, and also make crafts to sell in my Esty shop.
A few years after college, I met Tim and we instantly hit it off. We dated for three years before tying the knot, and we bought a house shortly after. Tim makes his living off his investments and stocks; however, we keep our finances separate. This is because Tim inherited a vast amount of money from his family and before we married, I signed a pre-nup agreement in order to ease his mind.
We both contribute an equal share to the joint bank account for bills, then we use the remainder of our money for ourselves. About a year ago, I landed a contract to write part of a romance series. The contract was huge, and the payout was over $120,000 for a few months’ work. I contributed my share to the joint account and then put the rest of the money into the bank so I could buy an RV.
I have always wanted an RV because I love to travel, and nothing would make me happier than being able to write while on the road. Tim is often away on business for days at a time, so the RV would give me an opportunity to get out of the house while he is away. After six months of deciding, I chose a lightly-used RV and purchased it from the owners for a great price.
When Tim found out I purchased the RV, he was excited. He has a travel trailer, but it’s not the same as an all-in-one RV. He loves RVs and he wanted to immediately take it out for a trip across the state. We took our trip, and Tim couldn’t stop talking about how much he enjoyed the experience, and he started talking about taking more trips together.
I gently reminded him that even though the RV is a fun thing for us to have for vacations, its main purpose is for me to have something to do while he is away for business (but that we would be taking plenty of vacations together!). Tim agreed with me and he let it go for a while. The thing is, in the past few weeks, Tim has been badgering me about taking the RV with him on his business trips.
He usually flies when he goes to check his rental properties/visit family and he is normally gone for 4-5 days at a time. We got into an argument because he had to evict a tenant, and he wanted to drive the RV across the state in order to do so. I asked him if I could come along, and Tim said he would prefer if I didn’t. I then said that if I couldn’t come with him, that he couldn’t take my RV.
I suggested that he take his travel trailer instead, and he got mad and stormed out of the house. About an hour later, he started texting me like nothing had happened, and then he said he was taking the RV as if our previous conversation had never happened. I called him and tried to explain that he had just purchased a brand-new pickup, and that if I didn’t get to drive his new truck in his absence, why should he get to take my RV when I am not coming on the trip?
Tim and I went back and forth, and eventually he said I could come along if it meant that much to me. I said I would, and now I am regretting everything. I am sitting in the back of my own RV with a man who won’t let me touch the wheel. It has been three days since this trip has started, and all Tim has done is rant about how awesome the RV trip would be if I weren’t with him.
It has made me question everything in our marriage, from how we split our finances to how we argue and function together. This is the first time that anything like this has ever happened and I don’t know what to do in this situation. He is still ranting as I type this, and he’s never done that before either.
35. More Than Bros?
I’m an idiot. I’ll try to keep this short. Also, I was a bit drunk when this happened. Noah and I have been best friends since 2nd grade. We live together with one other friend near the college we go to together. He came out to me when we were in high school. It didn’t change anything. When we got to college, I came out as bisexual.
Last night, we were hanging out with some friends and I had a bit to drink. When we were walking home, I could tell he was nervous, so I asked what was up. He asked if I wanted to go out with him. He literally said, “Do you want to go out with me.” I don’t know why, but I thought he meant as friends. Thinking back, he made it really obvious it was a date, but I’m an idiot and I was still a bit drunk.
I said yes. He suggested Saturday night. I said yes. I left to go to the gym before he got up, so I didn’t see him. While I was at the gym, the friend we live with texted me that Noah was really happy this morning and she didn’t know we were going to go on a date. She congratulated me and said we make a cute couple. This happened literally six minutes ago.
I’m panicking right now. I don’t know what to do. I love him but he’s like my brother. I can’t go out with him. How can I tell him I’m not interested without embarrassing him more than I have to? I don’t want to mess up our relationship. We’re supposed to have lunch together in a few hours. I’m a total, utter idiot.
I texted Noah and asked if we could skip lunch and go home instead so we could talk. I tried not to make the conversation dramatic. I apologized to him for misunderstanding him and told him I knew it must have taken a lot of courage for him to ask me out. I told him that he was my best friend, I loved him, and that would never change, but I had never thought about a romantic relationship with him.
I apologized for messing up and getting his hopes up. He asked a few questions, like did I really not know he meant it as a date. He apologized for “screwing things up” between us, but I told him that I wasn’t uncomfortable with him feeling that way about me. I told him that I understood if he wanted space to process it, and I would give it to him if he wanted, but I also told him how important he is to me and how much I love him.
He said he didn’t think he wanted space. He just wanted to try to move on with the secret out. We’ve always been totally open with each other (well, except for him liking me I guess), and he said he was happy he wasn’t keeping his feelings a secret anymore. We had a cheesy moment where I told him he could always talk to me, about anything. It was like straight out of a romcom. We talked for a long time after that.
Apparently, he’s had a crush on me since before he came out in high school, and after he had a few drinks that night he decided screw it, why not try. By the time he had to leave for his class this afternoon, things felt normal. I don’t feel weird knowing about his crush, and he doesn’t seem to feel hurt or anything because of my screwup. Maybe just a little sad.
I’ll definitely keep an eye on how we interact and how he acts for a while. A few people warned me against accidentally flirting with him, and I’ll try to keep anything like that in check. I guess this is a happy ending. I know there are still things to be aware of, but right now it looks like the conversation went pretty well.
36. Would a Groom by Any Other Name Smell as Sweet?
We have been engaged for over a year and still have not settled on a last name conclusion. It bothers her that I won’t consider changing my last name at all. I enjoy history, coats-of-arms, and ancestry tracking far too much to ever consider changing my last name, and I am too nuclear-family oriented to want to hyphenate my name. To me, families have the same last name.
She just changed her name two years ago away from her father’s last name to her mother’s maiden name. She is fully supportive of the two of us picking a new name altogether. She’s less supportive of both of us hyphenating our names, even less supportive of only hyphenating her last name, and even less supportive of changing her last name to mine altogether. She’s also torn about just moving her last name into her middle name.
Suffice it to say, we are on opposite sides of the last name spectrum here. I completely understand her reluctance to changing her name, as I am even more reluctant to change my own. Yet in this modern gender-equal world, I don’t know how to explain why it’s important to me to keep my name. I can find dozens of articles defending women for wanting to keep their names, but I don’t see any defense for my traditional desire of taking the man’s name beyond “it’s what people do.”
37. Misery Doesn’t Always Love Company
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. I’ve dealt with depression for most of my life at this point, and usually have been okay at dealing with it. Recently, I have been having some trouble with it, though (it gets worse in waves, sometimes a few months at a time). This one started about 2 or 3 weeks ago.
With this most recent wave, my boyfriend keeps saying things like:
- How can I fix this? I want to fix this/I’ll fix this
- Is this my fault? What did I do?
- Do you hate me? Why do you hate me?
- It makes me feel bad when you’re like this
- I am sorry I don’t make you happy anymore/I used to make you happy
- Don’t say things like that/Why are you doing this to me?
Every time he says something like that, it makes me feel guilty. I’ve asked him to stop saying those things and to just give me time, but he just doubles down. I’ve tried telling him that it hurts when he says those things and that my feelings aren’t something he can control. Every time he asks why, I don’t have a good explanation aside from that it just does. I don’t know what to do. I just feel hopeless.
38. Not Sick Enough for Love
My girlfriend and I have been together for about a year. Most everything is great, except one thing: If I tell her I’m sick/not feeling well/hurt, she refuses to believe me. If I have a cold, she tells me I’m faking it until it goes away and then says, “See, you are fine!” I’m rarely sick, so it’s never been a major issue. But she has zero sympathy when I’m sick.
She grew up with hypochondriac parents who were always “sick” with something, often self-diagnosing themselves with fatal maladies. She has limited contact with them, and the one time I met them, I was told (by them) that “they didn’t have long left to live.” I get it, growing up in that household must have been awful. But what happened on Sunday just sent me over the edge.
Girlfriend and my sister wanted to check-out this event and we were all supposed to go. I woke up with excruciating back pain and could barely breathe. Girlfriend got so mad at me for “ruining this” that she wouldn’t speak to me. As she was about to leave, I asked her not to leave because I thought something was wrong. She said no and left.
I threw up in my bed and eventually called my parents (I was too embarrassed to call 9-1-1) and my mother and brother hauled me to the hospital. I was whisked away, and after about 20 minutes, I was diagnosed with kidney stones. Got Fentanyl and gravol, and I had a CT scan and then went for a procedure to bust the kidney stones. (Anyone questioning whether or not to have the procedure: DO IT. The side effects are nothing.)
5 hours later, I was laying on my parents’ sofa in a haze. I have never, and hope to never, feel pain like that again in my life. I was sure I was going to die. The attending in the ER told me it’s worse than child birth and that they’ve had it before, too. I didn’t text my girlfriend throughout because I really didn’t have the strength or foresight. I was drugged up and uncomfortable.
My sister found out that I had been in the emergency room, and soon after my girlfriend called me. She was pissed off I didn’t call her. Then I reminded her that I begged her not to leave as I thought something was wrong. She got quiet and eked out an apology. I got furious and said some rather nasty and unsavory things.
In fairness, I was on dope, still sore, peeing blood, and felt like someone had punched me in the gut. Standing was incredibly painful. I needed to take two days off work and school. I rested in bed, and the only thing you can think is, “the person who should have been there didn’t even believe me.”
She’s texted me this week a formal apology and wants one in return for saying nasty things to her. I’ve been avoiding her texts/calls. I’ve felt like garbage this week and picked something up in the ER, so I laid low, took a few days off work and relaxed. She wants to meet tonight and talk about everything, but I’m still so mad I don’t know if I should hold off seeing her.
39. Be Careful What You Wish for
I will start by saying I know I was in the wrong for my behavior, and I feel terrible. I need to know how to fix this because I can’t let one mistake ruin the best relationship that I’ve been in. A few months ago, I became very close with a female co-worker. I was very attracted to her and I realized that. She was attracted to me too, asked me out for coffee, hung around my desk and flirted with me.
Although we were both in relationships, I felt a very real connection with her. I was feeling quite guilty about this, and I told the truth to my girlfriend. She took it well and said it was alright since I didn’t cheat. Around this time, a friend of mine was telling me about his open relationship. I sort-of casually brought the subject up with my girlfriend, as in “So-and-so has an open relationship, what do you think about that?”
To my surprise, she was very enthusiastic and suggested it was a great idea and she would be interested in trying it. She also told me she had partner-swapped once with a previous boyfriend (she had never mentioned this before) and wanted to try something like this with me. I told her I would like to try this with the co-worker I had mentioned before and she agreed.
I could sleep with this woman once, and she could sleep with another man once, and then we would see how we felt about it. That weekend, I went out with my co-worker to a bar. We talked a bit but I felt progressively worse, couldn’t stop thinking about my girlfriend with another man, if she was home right now or how she felt about all this.
We made out in the car a little bit, but I couldn’t continue; I drove her home and went back home. Since this happened, my girlfriend keeps bringing up the possibility of opening our relationship again in some way. She has even mentioned repeatedly that she would be open to a threesome with her co-worker. She told me about a swingers’ party her friend invited her to and asked me if my friend who has an open relationship would be interested in partner-swapping.
This is all making me sick to my stomach. I told her that I didn’t sleep with my co-worker and why, but she insists I still can. She hasn’t taken her “free cheat” yet, but I can’t stop thinking about who she might sleep with, if she will, will I be able to see our relationship the same? I feel like I can’t tell her I don’t want her sleeping with another man when it was my idea in the first place, and I was going to sleep with my co-worker. I wish I could take all this back. In a moment of weakness, I thought I wanted both women, but I only want to be with the singular woman I love.
40. One Pill Makes You More Stressed
Backstory: My husband and I have been married for (almost) five years. He’s amazing, I know everyone says that, but he really is an incredible person. He’s a great husband, treats me well, he’s supportive and loving and just everything I need him to be. I think I’m a pretty good wife to him as well, with the exception of this one thing.
I’m absolutely terrified to tell my husband I’m addicted to amphetamines. I need help, and he deserves to know what his wife is doing, but I can’t bring myself to say the words. I don’t want to be a source of stress or anxiety for him. I’m worried about how this could change his opinion of me or our relationship. I’m obviously ashamed of myself too.
I think the idea of facing reality and giving up the drugs is part of it as well. I’m unable to control this anymore. I bought meth for the second time this month despite swearing to myself I wouldn’t do it again. I take dangerously high doses of Adderall and Dexedrine. I’ve lost weight; my BMI was on the lower end of normal to begin with and I’m borderline underweight now.
My eyes look sad. I’m sleepy whenever I’m not high. I feel absolutely horrible about myself and I’m really scared. I love him so much. I feel like a liar for keeping this from him. At the same time, I’m worried about what it will do to him. He knows something’s up. He’s a Firefighter-Paramedic and interacts with addicts often so I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s crossed his mind.
I’m fairly good about hiding it though, and I limit my use to nights he’s at work. We still spend time together. Our bedroom life is fine. He’s pretty busy because he helps with his father’s business in addition to working (he really is amazing). It’s possible he has no idea and I’m about to drop this on him out of nowhere.
41. Crash Landing Into Conflict
My husband and I got into an argument, and he left for almost 2 days. Husband is 36. I’m 29. We’ve been together for over a decade. We have a 7-month-old daughter. In the past, we have normally resolved arguments by taking a few hours to cool off and discussing. However, this situation is different, and I don’t know what to do.
We flew back from his parents’ house the day before yesterday. While we were picking up the bags, I leaned over and whispered to him that it’s sexy to watch him lift the bags off the conveyor belt. Our daughter was asleep in the stroller when this happened, and I whispered quietly, so she wouldn’t have heard me even if she were awake.
He snapped at me really loudly and said, “do NOT say those things in front of MY child.” It was loud enough that people were staring, and I was really embarrassed. Then we got home, and I put the baby to bed and then he tried to initiate intimacy with me. I told him I wasn’t in the mood after what happened at the airport, and he lost it and said I shouldn’t put intimacy in his head by calling him sexy and then not do it with him.
I told him I would’ve be up for it had he not snapped at me! He turned and left our house, and I haven’t seen him in almost two days. I tried calling him and just got a text back that said he wants space to cool off so he “doesn’t do something he’ll regret.” I told him to come home NOW as I’ve been alone with the baby for 2 days. It’s New Year’s but he won’t.
42. You’ve Got Betrayal Mail
Here goes: I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, married for 1 and a half. I’ve never once doubted his fidelity. He’s great. Super smart, funny, handsome, and, I thought, loyal. He’s never given me reason to doubt him or be suspicious. I thought it was kind of odd when he downloaded snapchat; he’s not big on social media. I have one, but I’m not very active.
We rarely snap each other. He said his friends were really active, and he liked it better than Facebook, so. As I said, I’ve never had any reason not to trust him. So I thought nothing of it. Then this morning, my husband was in the shower and left his phone on my nightstand. I was half-asleep when his phone started chirping and woke me up.
We both have the same phone and ringtone for text messages. Not knowing that he had put his phone on my nightstand, I thought it was my phone in my half-asleep state. It said “Mom.” Okay, my mom texted me, I can ignore that until I’m actually awake. But under that was a Snapchat notification. A snap from someone named “Roxy.”
I was like who the heck is Roxy and why is she snap-chatting me? I opened it and bam. It’s full frontal nudity. The caption said something NSFW. I immediately thought it was a mistake. But I was alert now after being awoken by THAT. I quickly realized that this was my husband’s phone. I felt like I was going to soil the bed and started to sweat.
I looked at his contacts on Snapchat, and she has a yellow heart next to her name. I looked up what that means, and it means they are “best friends.” WTF. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I didn’t do any other snooping because honestly, I know what I’ll find. I just don’t understand how he could do this. We’re happy. I thought we were happy. We are intimate at least four times a week.
Here’s the real kicker. I’m almost 12 weeks pregnant with our first child.
He’s sitting in the recliner about 20 feet from me and I just can’t find the words to confront him. How do I say what I need to say?? There is no way I am somehow overreacting or misreading this situation, is there? I’m heartbroken and don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this or confront him.