We’ve all got a petty side, and when someone gets you riled up and it goes off, there’s only one solution: revenge. Is there anything as satisfying as wreaking total havoc for a relatively silly reason? Probably not, and these stories are proof.
1. A Stone Castle
We were kids staying at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she’d cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of mean older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly.
So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the mean kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The howls and the pained looks on their faces were the best revenge ever.
2. Don’t Eat The Yellow Pizza
I lived in an apartment with a roommate. We had neighbors who would throw crazy parties pretty frequently, oftentimes during the week. One day, my roommate who had to be awake early got fed up. That’s when he came up with a truly gruesome plan. He decided to pee on a metal pizza pan and stick it in the freezer. After a crazy party he pulled the pan out, and flipped it upside down, giving him a frozen disc of pee.
He then slid that disc under their door where it would melt on their fully carpeted entryway. We woke up to them shouting at the people who crashed there, demanding to know who peed on the floor and what the heck was wrong with them.
3. Personal Drinks
I used to work at Target. In the break room, we have a fridge which we all use. A couple of days in a row, I would buy orange and apple juice to take home and write a note saying, “Please do not drink”. Of course, by the time I got off and decided to get my juice, it would be gone or half gone. Annoyed after dealing with this for about five days, I bought a large apple and orange juice and the strongest laxative in the store.
I mixed them and left it the fridge with the same note as usual. The next five hours of my shift were the best ever. I mean, just about everyone was going — from the store manager cutting meetings short to cashiers leaving in the middle of transactions.
4. You’re Out of Order
My wife’s brother did something to irritate her back in the day when they were in high school. So my wife turned off the TV, wrote “broken” on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. It took her brother several days to figure it out and get the TV “working” again.
5. The Name Game
I used to manage a coffee shop. One time, one of my baristas asked a guy his name for the order and he just totally flipped out. He started belittling her, called her stupid, and didn’t give a name. At that point, I take over and place his drink on the hand-off counter without informing him. I just keep putting drinks out for about 10 to 15 minutes until the jerk walks up and picks up his drink that’s now lukewarm. He goes “Is this mine?” and I just respond with “I don’t know, it doesn’t have a name on it.”
6. Pumpkin Spice Vengeance
I have a friend whose elaborate pumpkin display at the end of his driveway would be run over every year by the neighborhood jerk. My friend decided to put a stop to it. He withdrew a bunch of money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of cement. He filled that puppy up and made a really pretty display.
The idiot took the bait. He broke the axle of his car when he hit that pumpkin. Could not drive away. The cherry on top was when my friend then had his car towed.
7. Weeding Out The Competition
Once upon a time, I was a newly married lad. We purchased my grandparents’ house from their estate as our first home. We didn’t have kids yet, so we both had full-time jobs and hectic schedules. Incident The First: One day, I came home from work to find my dog out, going nuts. She rarely barked, so I paused for a second, trying to find out was going on…
I then watched as a bright yellow sprinkler came flying over the fence. There was a bunch of stuff lying around my back yard, where the neighbor kid, let’s call him Evil Son, had been throwing it at my poor dog. I walked next door and banged on the neighbor’s door. The boy’s mother, let’s call her Witch, came to the upstairs window (not even to the door) and yelled, “What are you doing on my property?” at me.
By the way, this is my very first interaction with this woman. I introduced myself, and tried to explain what was going on. She immediately jumped to “Do you have video of my son throwing stuff?” Then, inexplicably, Witch started blaming my wife and I. “If you weren’t such hermits, everyone wouldn’t hate you so much.”
Odd, all of my other neighbors waved when we went by…but we didn’t interact more than that. She was the only one I didn’t know. Anyhow, she went on, and it turned out that she was upset that I didn’t tell her that my grandmother had passed. Yeah…I hadn’t told someone I didn’t know about a family matter. Fine, whatever. I dropped the matter and left. But that was just the beginning of the nightmare.
Incident The Second: Shortly after, I stopped working a regular 9-5 and started my own business, working out of my home. I noticed some mail went missing. One day, I see the mail truck go by, and put on shoes to go pick it up from the mailbox. When I get down there, I find the box empty, and Witch walking away from it with my stuff in hand.
I yell at her, and she drops it in a pile on her driveway. Proceeds to yell at me that it was blowing around her driveway, and that I should be more careful. Yeah, so I call the authorities. They are reluctant to do anything since I didn’t actually see her take the mail from my mailbox, but they still go over to talk to her. I can hear her yelling at them from inside my house. The next day, she runs out and stands in front of my car, trying to confront me as I am leaving. I tell her in no uncertain terms that I am OK with running her over.
Incident the Third: A neighbor’s pet bunny went missing from its outdoor hutch. Another neighbor spots Evil Son down at the end of our cul-de-sac, looking suspicious. Bunny is found, strangled and mutilated, where Evil Son was seen. Officers are called, denials, the works. Incident the Fourth: We were getting our house ready to sell. Part of that included stripping and repainting our attached deck. I come home from work, and find a can of paint has been opened and thrown across the deck, some furniture, and the side of the house.
There are a few child-sized footprints through the paint. Officers come, but don’t care once more. Then Evil Son is expelled from his elementary school. He was found with a “Harm List” containing most of his classmates. Then the Witch has an “extinction burst,” as they call it, blaming everyone for everything bad in her life.
She puts fliers in everyone’s mailboxes, talking about a conspiracy against her. Did you know that that’s actually punishable by fine? She does now…so then Witch takes a different neighbor to task out in the street. Turns out, she doesn’t have any friends anymore. Other neighbors join the fracas, ganging up on her.
Turns out her kid killing their rabbit, or her kid throwing rocks at their cars, and various other events, made her no friends. Witch then gets kicked out of a city alderman meeting where she tried to have the entire neighborhood condemned for various imagined slights. Results: So, after years of dealing with this woman, we prepared to move to a new house. We threw one last blowout party, as one does.
I get a little inebriated and went on a rant about how little I was going to miss having that neighbor. That’s when we came up with an amazing revenge. A friend decided that payback was in order, so we went down into the cellar and looked over my grandfather’s shelves of Stuff He Never Threw Away. Among it all was a bottle of weed killer. Great Depression era, block letters. I have no idea what was in that stuff. Now, this is where the story gets a little hazy.
My friend disappeared for about an hour, and then came back as if nothing ever happened. I never saw the bottle leave the shelf. But, a few days later, parts of Witch’s lawn started to turn brown and die. Big block letters spelled out “I am a Witch,” but meaner. I ran into her a week later, as I was getting my mail. Contractors were tearing up her lawn, laying down rolls of sod.
She stomped over to me and complained about my other neighbor’s kids. She clearly saw them apply lighter fluid to her lawn, and light it on fire to burn the awful message into it. Funny thing, whatever was done to her lawn, within a week sections of the new sod dried out, and the message reappeared. Honestly, screw that woman.
8. Happy Wife, Happy Life
My uncle was a prominent, busy doctor. My aunt, a stay-at-home mother of two. My uncle was very rigid and authoritative, and had to have things just so: a certain breakfast at a specific time every morning, his clothes folded or hung in a particular way, a specific drink waiting for him upon his return home, and a specific dinner at a given time every night, based on a rotating menu.
This went on for decades until he eventually passed. Regardless, one night was meatloaf night, and after years of no complaints, my uncle erupts, screaming at my aunt that her meatloaf is simply garbage, how could she not be able to cook something so simple, all of this, and literally fires his full dinner plate across the room.
My aunt, his submissive, quiet, loyal servant over their then twenty or so years of marriage, simply apologizes and cleans up, promising to improve her recipe. It was only after my uncle passed on—they were married for 52 years—that she admitted to my mother that she’d fed him meatloaf made solely of Alpo (wet, canned dog food) for the past 30 years with nary a complaint.
9. This Shampoo Isn’t Working
My ex-boyfriend was a real bad guy. Manipulative, narcissistic and really good at gaslighting. When I broke up with him finally, he threatened to take my car and report me to my child’s school for having her enrolled but not living in the same town. This was stupid, because my child’s father lived in said town and my bad ex knew it. Anyway, I was so angry over being threatened that I did something so gross and disgusting it’s unforgettable.
When I took a shower that day I relieved myself in his shampoo…and then repeated the process multiple times over the course of two weeks.It was in a clear bottle and I was surprised he didn’t notice the yellow tinge to it. When he finally moved out of the apartment, he still had the shampoo and you could clearly tell there was something wrong with it because there was nasty stuff clumped at the bottom of it. Was what I did childish? Yes, it was. I do regret stooping so low…but oh, did it feel so good at the time.
10. Vengeance With a Bow on Top
Crossing at a busy downtown intersection, a very impatient driver waiting to make a turn honked at a lady pushing a stroller. Despite his jerk move, she actually had the right of way. I slowed down as I was walking, but the guy next to me straight-up went ahead, stopped in front of the car, then bent down to re-tie his shoelaces.
11. Soda Surprise
Back in the early 90s, supermarket cashiers had to type every price in by hand. I was at a Vons in San Diego, walking toward the only open check stand with a single bottle of soda in my hand. Suddenly this hoity-toity lady with a cart stacked to the top flew out of one of the aisles like a freight train and cut me off.
“I’m in a hurry,” she said, then looked away like she was annoyed that I’d been born. I looked at the cashier. He rolled his eyes and got to work. Five minutes later, she’s walking out the door and it’s my turn. “You’re good,” says the cashier. “I put your soda on her tag.” Darn, that felt really good. Never forgot it.
12. Pay It Backward
My friend, we’ll call her Susie, finds out that she has herpes. The only guy she has ever been with is Brad. Naturally, she is devastated to find out he’s been cheating. We find out that she is not the only one he infected. There are in fact at least five other women we find out about. What’s more, we find out Brad has known that he is positive and is still going around hooking up with people and saying that he is healthy.
Susie is just devastated and can’t get out of her funk and what she now has to deal with health-wise. Now, there is an urban legend where a woman hid, I think, shrimp in her cheating SO’s curtain rods when she was forced to move out of their apartment. This story has been featured on many shows about urban legends. It just so happened to come on late one night when me and Susie were watching TV.
It gave us a truly devious idea—Brad would regret ever meeting her. The only problem was, Brad had five roommates. So no way that was going to work. But wait, Brad has a car. And Brad is too broke to afford a new car any time soon. She knows the door code to unlock the vehicle and I just so happen to know how to remove certain vehicle panels to access holes in other panels that it would be impossible to get shrimp out of.
Plus, he worked the early shift on Wednesday. Lucky us, it’s Tuesday night. So off we go to the store to buy the clearance section of meat and seafood out. We’re talking ground beef, shrimp, imitation crab meat, various kinds of fish, and deviled eggs. Oh, and during this lovely time of September, our little town was experiencing a triple-digit heatwave. So off we go in the middle of the night, when it’s still 90 degrees out, and get to work.
Luckily for us, Brad lives in an apartment with no security cameras and other tenants who don’t care about two women working on a vehicle at 1 AM. Sure enough, the door key code still works. So we pop out these little covers on the door’s panels that access the interior of the door. In go the tiny little shrimps. Then we remove the plastic panels from the wheel wells, and in goes some ground beef and deviled eggs. Next was his lift gate. Anyway, you get the idea.
We put his car back together and off we go. Over the next few days, the smell just got worse and worse. The apartment complex manager asked him to move the car off the grounds because of the smell. Our town also has some mean feral cats that roam around, they just loved hanging around his car. So not only did it stink, but he risked being attacked by some mean feral cats. He would have to always have the windows cracked open at least a little.
The best part is, Brad and I have the same major. So over the next three years, I saw him a lot. He became notorious for his horrible smelling car. He couldn’t afford to replace it, no one would buy it, no matter how many times he had it cleaned, the smell remained, and no one could figure out where the odor was coming from. Even if they had figured it out, most of the panels would need to be completely replaced because the only access is tiny holes.
To this day, people still ask him about his car on Facebook. Like, if he says he will pick people up, they ask him if he has a new car. Nope. Still the stink-mobile. He currently works at Starbucks, so that thing isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Kind of like his herpes. I like to think of this as my ultimate Sherlock Holmes-level petty revenge/prank. I will never top the awesomeness of this one, it was my masterpiece.
13. Cheaters Never Prosper
I knew a crazy kid in elementary school. Kid jumped across the table and tried to choke me out. I instigated it by saying he was “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” since that was the only thing that kid ever talked about and he was wearing a cocoa puffs shirt that day. Senior year of high school, turns out that kid was in my Design class.
I needed to get a C or better on the final. Over the year, I found out the kid was taking my work off my share drive and copying it. For the final, I purposely screwed up the drawing in my folder, but the kid didn’t double-check it. He turned it in and failed and had to go back and be a super senior.
14. A Game of Telephone
When me and my ex-fiancée were having a bunch of arguments after we broke up, I got tired of her constantly texting me about nonsense, so I called the phone carrier to have them cut off service—to her phone that I paid for—right in the middle of an argument.
15. Machine Half Empty
While working for a small machine shop, a customer kept stalling about paying for some work we did. He was supposed to pay the fee before getting his machine, but he insisted that he needed it right away and would pay the second half of the amount in a month. So, we cut his machine in half and said we’ll give him the other half in a month or so.
16. To the Letter
I used to work at a pizzeria. There was this one customer who everyone hated. She was rude as heck, complained about everything. And she wasn’t a normal customer, no, she would order essentially groceries from us by ordering disassembled sandwiches. For example, she’d order a chicken sandwich but with all of the ingredients separate.
It all had to be in particular amounts, with cutlery, butter, a side of grated cheese, 3 plates, oil and vinegar on the side, “medium rare” toasted bread, extra packets of ranch, you get the idea. But because it was all technically part of a “sandwich,” she didn’t expect to be charged for any of the extras and would complain if she was.
She also refused to answer the door when the delivery drivers got there and instead would leave the money in an envelope (exact change, no tip) under the doormat and wanted the driver to leave the food on her doorstep. She also had weird specifications about where the driver could park: Never in her driveway, only on the street, even when it was raining.
Also, she didn’t want them to announce their arrival in any way. No knocking, no ringing the bell, no beeping their car horns. They needed to be silent, or she’d complain. She was a nightmare, this woman. And every time she complained, she’d try to weasel some free stuff out of us for next time. Because of course she would!
So one day she says she needs the driver to make change and she wants him to just leave the change in the envelope and not take a tip because “he gets paid already.” So I tell my driver this and he says, “Ohhh I get paid, do I? No problem, I’ll take care of it.” He goes on the delivery and comes back pleased as punch, doesn’t say a word about how he “took care of it.”
I get distracted, keep working. Minutes later, I get a phone call that makes everything clear. It’s the crazy lady and she’s FURIOUS because apparently my driver left her the correct change of $5.85, in the envelope like she asked…..IN PENNIES. Genius. I had to put her on hold so I could laugh. I get back on the phone with her and I said, “Ma’am, I think you’ll find that pennies are legal tender. There’s nothing I can do.”
After explaining that I am, indeed, the manager and the highest authority present, she got fed up and hung up on me. That driver is still a king to me.
17. A Fishy Goodbye
Not me but my best friend. She worked at the busiest big box membership warehouse in the area for about 20 years. Everything about that store was total chaos, the parking situation, the busloads of international tourists that were constantly in there buying up all of the vitamins, and the super-rich entitled a-holes for whom no rules applied, and that doesn’t even cover her coworkers.
The TV in the break room was always at top volume which caused everyone who was in there to talk over the TV so there was never a moment’s peace when she would take breaks. She finally couldn’t take it anymore and applied for a position at another store that was less busy and closer to her house. On her last day at the madhouse she went into the break room right before she left.
No one was on a break then so she unplugged the cable connection on the back of the TV and put a piece of fish in the microwave and set it for 10 minutes. Then she clocked out and left and laughed her butt off on the way home. It wasn’t fantasy level revenge, but it was enough to satisfy her and that’s all that matters.
Back in my junior year in college, my roommate was an idiot. We shared a standard size dorm room, and he would stay up till 4 am screaming and shouting at the TV (my TV) while playing Modern Warfare 2. I dealt with it throughout the year, but during finals week, I finally snapped and planned my revenge.
He was leaving first and had all his gear packed, but went to have lunch with his parents, who were there helping him move out. That gave me an hour to unpack his precious Xbox 360, with the MW2 disk still inside, and put it into my microwave and run it for about 10 seconds on high. Just enough time to fry the disk and hopefully damage the internals.
I then repacked it and bid him a fond farewell when he came back to finish gathering everything. Haven’t spoken to him since.
19. We Don’t Know Her
We live in an apartment block, and occasionally have new people move in and out. Yesterday we encountered a new resident, a short red-haired lady who, through dwarfism and food, manages to be about as wide as she is tall. My boyfriend greeted her with a simple “Hello.” He also tried to say “welcome” but she cut him off with, “Shut up, I don’t know you.” Okay, not the sociable type, neither are we, best not get friendly then!
Today when returning from grocery shopping we found her trying to pick the lock with what looks like a piece of a paperclip because you know, that’s going to work. She’s apparently been at it a while because before we could open the door with our key, a patrol car stopped and an officer called out to her. The officer asked her why she was breaking in, to which she responded she lived here. She turned to us and said, “They know me.”
My boyfriend smiled and said, “I don’t know you.” We entered the building after the officer asked us to confirm, and my boyfriend repeated: “We don’t know her.” Can’t wait to have more contact with her…
20. Thrown Under The Bus
I was at a subway station a couple of days ago getting back from Uni. As I got off the subway to line up and go up the escalators, this middle-aged lady nudged me out of the way just as I got on to the steps, and made me trip over and fumble my bag. She stared at me and went on her way. I was right behind her going up, and she probably saved like 0.01 seconds getting on the escalator before me.
As we made our way to the exit and I got up to the door frame, she went out of her way to nudge past me again. She gave me another stare as she went through the exit and stood there looking at me like she couldn’t believe I tried to go first or something. There’s a bus terminal that connects to the subway on the street level, and we ended up waiting at the same stop. She was the first in line, and I was right behind her.
When the bus finally arrived, she really took her time fumbling through her purse, talking on her phone, and looking for her bus card. As she was searching for her card, she ended up dropping it right at the tip of my boot. She was still busy talking on the phone while searching through her wallet. I thought about it for a second and decided to lightly slide her card underneath the bus with my foot.
Eventually, she realized that she might have dropped her card, so she packed her wallet back in her purse, hung up the phone and looked around for her card. As she looked, she began getting increasingly worried, scanning everywhere for where she could have dropped it. It was my time to shine. I nudged her out of the way, gave her a stare, and made my way on to the bus.
I sat happily on one of the seats. I saw her flustered and panicked, as the next bus was coming in half an hour. The bus started to depart, and I opened the window and told her with glee, “Maybe you should check under the bus!” I watched her for as long as I could until she was out of sight, and enjoyed the rest of my commute home.
21. Punished For Coming In Early
I work in an office with flexible hours. We can start anytime from 8 am to 9:30 am. I’m always in the office at 8:15 am. Usually, if work comes in urgently in the morning, my supervisor gives it to me to complete since I’m one of the few in the team presently in the office. Well, yesterday I came into the office at my usual time and one of my colleagues was working on an urgent task given to him at 8 am.
He had to pause the task for 20 minutes so my supervisor told me to complete it while he’s away from the office. I couldn’t even have my breakfast or even drink water because of how urgent this task was. I was still working on it when he came back. He asked: “How are you going with the task?” and I explained that I’m still working on it and that I found a few mistakes and showed it to him.
He puts his hands up in the air and says, “Nope. Not my responsibility anymore” and walks off. Really? I was livid. But this needed to be done and I have no time for drama. I finished work at 5:30 pm that day. Before I left, my supervisor told me that she got a HUGE workload given to her and that she will need to give it to someone urgently in the morning to complete.
I knew that my colleague would be in the office at 8 am again. Guess who is walking in the office at 9:15 am today with a cup of fresh coffee and breakfast?
22. Crayons For The Mature Adult
I’m a server at Denny’s. Today I had a grown woman come in with her two little kids and ask for a booth. I cleaned one and sat her down. She then looks at me points at a booth across the restaurant and says she wants that one instead. Okay, whatever. I move her. I sit her down and seat someone at the booth she was in originally.
Not 2 minutes later she comes up to me and asks for the other booth back because “I was there first and it’s nicer.” Yeah, I know lady: that’s why I sat you there. I tell her I can’t make other customers move and she can keep the one she’s in now or wait until a new one opens. She then says, “No, I want that one. I was there first they have to move.” I told her, ” I’m sorry I can’t do that.”
She asks for the manager. I get him and explain the situation. He then tells her exactly what I said. She sits down crosses her arm and pouts like a child. I proceeded to walk to her table with a huge smile on my face and hand her 3 children’s menus. I looked her dead in the eyes and asked what color crayon she wanted. She goes, “I’m an adult!” I gave her green and walked away.
She walked out, but the satisfaction of not getting in trouble or having to serve her was worth it.
23. Petty Voicemails
Last year some stupid for-profit education company kept leaving me messages for some person I’d never heard of. My outbound message is literally just, “You’ve reached John Doe, please leave a message.” And they’d start in with, “This message is for Jessie Harrison” or whatever name it was. I had blocked the number from ringing long ago, but I was starting to get sick of them leaving my voicemails too. I could have unblocked the number, but it seemed like a lot more fun to just change my voicemail message just for them (a pretty handy feature of Google Voice).
I recorded a 3-minute message (the maximum) where I repeated my name many times and implored them to actually freaking listen before they leave a voicemail. They called once more after I set that message… and never again. I guess they took the hint that I was just going to keep wasting their time or something.
24. And That’s Why You Lock The door
I was at a restaurant for lunch and I got “the urges.” I dash off to the bathroom and it turns out to be tucked away and single stalled. I get in quickly, notice the sign that reads “please lock the door while in the restroom.” Weird. Why wouldn’t anyone lock the door? But anyway, I lock it but the moment I sit down someone starts knocking.
I say, “There’s someone in here.” But then the door starts shaking like I’m in a horror movie. I’m literally sitting on the toilet trying to do my business. The knocking and shaking don’t stop. Then whoever is on the other side starts KICKING the door OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.
Many people have told me stories about getting attacked in restrooms, so I’m panicking while sitting on the toilet. Is this just a ploy to get me to open the door? What was I going to do? Open to the door to a violent crazy person? Then I thought to look at the situation in a funnier light. I’m standing on the side of the locked door. They can’t hurt me. If they break the door, the restaurant will make them pay.
I take a few deep breaths (albeit in a nasty bathroom) but I kind of just brush my hair and wash my hands really clean for another five minutes. The door is being kicked to no end and the knocking doesn’t stop. I get a text from my friend asking if I’m okay. I text my friend to see if she can take a peek at what’s going on.
And she tells me it’s JUST A LITTLE GIRL. And it’s the same kid who screamed at her father in the restaurant earlier. I had noticed she was the kid that screamed at her father, “I WANT TO ORDER SOMETHING NOW!” See I would never do this to a child. But I — as a child — also would never kick and scream on a stranger’s door, let alone the public bathroom door when it’s only been less than a minute. It’s infinitely rude.
I finally open the door and I see that she went to the server. And I catch the server saying, “Oh, look you can use it now.” When I get out, I glare at the mom who just looks at me with a deer in the headlights look.
25. Pennies From Heaven
I used to deliver pizza for Dominoes. It was my last shift and there was this house that was always rude. For example, I called to ask what the house looked like and they said, “I gave you the address” and hung up. They never tipped, etc. I got to their house and they gave me a check for 1 cent less than what the total was.
I said, “I am going to need the extra penny.” They grumbled off and took their time, hoping I would give up, but I just sat there holding the pizza. They finally came back all angry and gave me the penny. So then I really enacted my revenge. They gave me the penny and I chucked it out into the street and left. They saw me do it. It was SATISFYING.
26. “I’ll Just Be A Few Minutes…”
So years ago I delivered jugs of water to homes and offices. My work truck was fairly big probably about 35ish feet long. I had a building I delivered to that had 8-10 stops in it and was one of the few places that had a loading bay for delivery vehicles. This bay was wide enough for 2 large trucks side by side and long enough for my truck to mostly fit with a bit of the cab sticking out in the alleyway (not so far as to block traffic).
On the other side of the alley was another building, and the dumpsters for said building. These dumpsters were in a position that it could be a little tight to get into the dock but it was doable. This day I pull up and see a small courier car (size of a Honda civic) pull into the bay and stop right at the entrance. This position is just enough that I cant get the angle I need to be able to nose up to the dumpsters and back into the open spot in the loading bay. If I tried I’d likely hit the car.
Luckily for me, the driver was just getting out of the car. So I politely asked if she could back up a couple of feet so I could get into the dock. Her: I’m only going to be a few minutes… Me: Yes but if you take 5 seconds, we can both do what we need to do… Her: I’ll be a few minutes… Then she just walks into the building.
So I’m kinda stunned at this point. I’ve been in the delivery industry for almost a decade most other drivers get that it’s a tough job and we can all do what we need to do and there’s kinda an unwritten code even amongst competitors. So I maneuver my truck nice and tight to the building so as not to block the alleyway while parking perpendicular to the loading dock entrance and blocking her car in.
I start loading the first of 2 or 3 cartloads into the building. She comes out and sees my truck… Her: Well isn’t this cute… You need to move… Me: I’ll only be a few minutes. Her: I need to go. Move your truck now… By this time my cart is loaded and I tell her, “It’s okay, I’ll only be a few minutes.” And I walk into the building.
27. Interrupting The Game
I have large trees in my yard. My neighbor next door blows all the leaves into my yard with his lawnmower. He says they’re my leaves from my tree. In doing so, he also leaves all of his grass clippings mixed in with the leaves. I blew them back; he called law enforcement. This happened several times.
His TV cable is buried in my yard. It runs from a pole underground through ten feet of my yard. During the local football game, I took a shovel and jumped on it. He lost TV and Wi-fi for two days. The cable company ran a new line. It messed up my yard a bit, but I know where it is. Just in case.
28. More Pain Than Intended
My mother had really bad asthma and allergies and made us kids rake up the leaves. This was not an easy task. They would get several feet deep if we didn’t do it often enough. One day we raked the whole yard into these giant piles for the city to come pick up. This took several hours. The next morning, they were scattered all over. We raked them again over several more hours and it happened again. Apparently, the neighborhood jerk kid was knocking them over just to be a jerk.
The next time, we made a super huge pile around the fire hydrant hoping he’d kick them and hurt his foot. Nope, this time he decided to do a run and jump. I watched it peeking through the blinds. He ended up breaking several bones. I didn’t even feel bad.
29. Laundry Battles
Sometime around 2001-2002, I had an incident in my university dorm laundry room. Anyway, I’m a freshman living in the dorms, it’s the weekend, and I’m doing laundry. We had an unwritten rule in the dorm laundry room: if you don’t attend to your laundry, it’s totally cool for someone to pull it out and throw it on the table (wet or dry). If you don’t like it, just promptly attend to your laundry when the washer or dryer turns off.
I don’t like people touching my laundry, so I always set an alarm to be there when it’s done (on my digital watch, not my phone!). I wash my clothes, throw them in the dryer, and set my timer. Soon after, my watch goes off and I walk back to the laundry room only to find my dryer load completely wet and on the table. Oh heck no! Someone pulled my stuff from the dryer, only to dump it out and dry their stuff for free.
Well, good news: I had more quarters, so I could dry my stuff just fine. Actually, I had enough quarters for my anonymous friend too—why didn’t they just ask? So I decide to “help them” with their laundry. I grab their clothes and throw them in an open washing machine with six of my spare quarters. Actually, wait—I can drop another quarter in for a heavy cycle, which entitles you to an additional rinse and spin! I happen to have another quarter, so I do. The heavy cycle takes over an hour and a half to complete.
Now’s a good time to mention a nice feature the washing machines had that the dryers didn’t: they locked while in operation. The homie would have been stuck for about 100 minutes waiting for another chance to dry their clothes. I hope they made better choices the second time. I was kind of a petty jerk as a baseline, and I look back with a bit of a shock that I didn’t dump in some bleach or turn the water hot.
I’m glad I’ve outgrown that kind of thing, but I look back with some pleasure at that little guy standing up to some random inconsiderate person.
30. A Bus Seat Built For Two
So I’m on the way home from the shops and I decide to take the bus. Really, it’s only about three stops away and I should probably walk, but it’s the middle of Australian summer, I’m wearing flip-flops, my bags are heavy and, most significantly, I’m lazy. So I jump on the bus home and it’s pretty full. No problem—as I said, only going three stops, not far, more than happy to stand. I’m shuffling through the aisle past other standing people though when suddenly, about halfway down, I see it.
A middle-aged woman hogging a whole seat to herself. Now I catch public transport every day and let me tell ya if you take up a whole two-person seat by yourself when other folks are standing, mate, that’s 5 years gulag in my book. Not only is this woman not sharing the seat, but she’s also moved herself to the aisle side so as to discourage anyone else from sitting down. Not on my watch.
Now previously I had been perfectly content to stand, but that’s all over now. I walk on over to this woman, look her straight in the eyes and with my nicest young man voice, broad smile and most unwavering gaze ask if I can please sit there. She glares daggers at me but relents — but not by shuffling over though. Instead, she stands in place with a huff and turns her shoulder a few centimeters to the right to indicate that yeah, there’s a seat, but if I want it I can squeeze past.
I am not in the least bit dissuaded. Happily, I squeeze past the standing woman and gosh, well I sure am a big clumsy boy carrying some bulky shopping aren’t I, and there is just not a lot of room between these seats. It takes me a few seconds to shuffle my lumbering butt all the way in, by which time the lady’s taken a few whacks of the old green bag and my grocery-laden backpack, not to mention been stumbled over once or twice by my big ol’ un-coordinated feet (it’s so hard, walking in thongs).
I sit down in contented silence, she lowers her huffing self down next to me, I spread out and brush up a little with my hairy legs, she fixes me with a glare. We sit in silence for two minutes. And then, wouldn’t you know it, my stop arrives and this woman is forced to get to her feet once more so we can do the whole dance again on the way out. Slap, go the grocery bags. Slap, slap, slap.
I hope you enjoyed your personal space, witch. Next time just shove over.
31. Yearbook Humiliation
So flashback to grade one when I was happy being a little innocent child. Until this girl in my class, let’s call her Mary, uninvited me to her birthday party so she could invite someone else. I was such a sad little nugget after that! Anyway, for the next 10 years, Mary and I end up going to the same schools since we lived in the same school district. In elementary and middle school she would torment me and anyone not in the “in” crowd, but would get away with it because her dad was a teacher. Needless to say, Mary was not in my good books.
A few years later, it’s grade 9 and I am part of my middle school’s yearbook class, where we got to design and create the yearbook from photos taken at school events. One of the pages that we need to create was a talent show page. Mary happened to participate in the talent show doing a singing performance. I saw an opportunity. I browsed through the photos of Mary singing at the talent show and found the one where her face was the most gloriously contorted and screwed up, as she was singing her high note.
I blew that photo way up and placed it in the middle of the page, carefully choosing background colors that wouldn’t take too much attention away from that moment in time where her visage was disheveled and distorted. And that’s how we published the yearbook. I’m 21 now and almost have an undergrad degree, and I still think back to that glorious moment and pat myself on the back. I bought a copy of that yearbook so I will always have that revenge as a treasured memory.
32. I’m Rubber, You’re Glue
Years ago I was working for a company where I had an office and the neighboring department was all open plan. We shared coffee facilities so I would often speak to the people in this department over a coffee. There was one idiot called Trevor in that department who would only talk to people on his desk phone on a conference call—every conversation. Needless to say, the rest of the department were annoyed with this loud and obnoxious person screaming on the blower.
As a senior guy, I casually raised this with Trevor. He responded by saying: “You can go and get [bleeped]!” Now, as he was in a different department I had no authority over him and his boss was a moron too so I would have got a similar response. After Trevor went home, I went to his desk and accidentally dropped some glue into the microphone on his phone. The next day it was set rock hard.
Of course, the phone rang and he answered it on a conference call, but of course, the person couldn’t hear him. He started screaming into the mic, but they still couldn’t hear him. They would then hang up and try again. This went on for a couple of calls until he answered the phone in the manner appropriate for the office.
33. Invincible Mailbox
When I was a kid, our mailbox got taken out like once a month. Finally, after the 10th mailbox and post, my dad was fed up. So he got an eight-foot I-beam and buried it four feet down and filled in the hole with Quickrete. Next time it got hit, the jerk wrapped his car around it. Like the mailbox/pole was sticking out of the middle of his car.
After that, I don’t think the mailbox was ever hit again.
34. Catching Up
My coworker often throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can’t stand the smell of old ketchup that’s been sitting out for a couple of hours. I’ve asked her several times to stop. She just waits until I go to the bathroom, does it, and then hides my garbage can under my desk thinking I won’t notice.
So now, every time she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There’s 6 in there now, and the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn’t noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.
35. School Days
My wife was cheating on me with a high school teacher. So I took screenshots photos from his Facebook and sent them to the school administration—because posting pics of your student’s test and making fun of them online is not cool at all. He was fired at the end of the year, all thanks to little old me.
36. A Bird’s Eye View
I caught my flatmate telling lies about me to some mutual friends. I made plans to move out the next month. In the meantime, she went out of town for a week and left her car parked in its usual spot in the parking lot. I threw birdseed on it every morning and evening, so when she came home, the birds wouldn’t leave her car alone.
37. Psycho Coworker
In my old department, there was this dispatcher who probably shouldn’t be a dispatcher. We’ll call him G. One day, G needed to stay home for the gas and electric people to do some work on his home. Instead of taking a whole day off, he made the mistake of telling our boss that he’ll be at work no later than noon, but he could be there sooner if it’s really busy. G said he’d call to see how we were doing to see if he needed to come in early. I was left to dispatch for that day.
I came in at 6 a.m. Starting at 7 a.m., he called numerous times. By the time it reached 9, G must have called at least 20 times. Each time he said the same exact thing: “Is it busy? How does it look? Do I need to come in?” By the 20th call, I got fed up and told him that it’s really busy and we could use the help if he’s able to show up. He hesitated because he had no one to watch the house, but eventually agreed and said he’ll be at work in a few minutes.
When he came in, I let him know about the workload. He realized that it wasn’t that busy and asked why I did that. My response? “Because you called me more than a psycho ex. I had to stop you somehow.” Our boss wouldn’t let him leave and thought the whole thing was hilarious especially since G knows better than to do things like that to me.
38. South And More South
I was working at a call center. My coworker, who has a very rich southern accent, gets a call in. The woman on the other line detects her accent and gives her a hard time. She then requests someone “intelligent” with “better English”. My coworker tells the woman her English is fine and she can assist her. The lady says something to the effect of, “Just transfer me to someone else, tramp.” My coworker had the best idea. She then sent her to the SPANISH line. I just about passed out from the laughter.
39. Caught Red-Tongued
Someone kept taking snacks from my little sister’s lunch that was in her locker in elementary school. They even left the wrappers there. My sister had a suspect in mind but her teacher did not want to act on it. So we decided to prepare some Lindt chocolates: We scooped the middle part and put some Sriracha in them. The next day, the kid did indeed fall into our trap and came back from her ”bathroom trip” with a red face and tearing eyes. She stopped taking from my sister’s locker after that.
40. Treat Others As You Want To Be Treated
One of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody buys something, but instead of handing me the money, they plop it down on the counter. So one guy came up and was being… undesirable. Grown man. When it comes time to pay, he grabs a wad of crumpled cash and throws it on the counter in front of me. I stare at it for a few moments and eventually the guy says something along the lines of, “The money’s right there, you can count it!”
So being the petty little guy I am, I pick it up, thumb through it incredibly slowly (about 30-45 seconds without exaggeration), and this guy is giving me the ANGRIEST look. That’s when I did it. I open the register to grab his change and I go to set it on the counter. He tries to dip his hand beneath mine to grab it so I slide my hand to the side and drop it on the counter. I slide the item he bought across the counter and look up and smile with a, “Have a very nice day sir.”
He storms off and I ask if he’d like his receipt. When comes back and tries to snatch it out of my hand, he instead rips it in half and it took all of my energy not to bust out into tears. I will go to any lengths to anger people if they treat me like I’m subhuman.
41. Revenge Clap
I think one of the most satisfactory ones for me was when I got back at my childhood tormentors. I got into fights because I’d physically defend friends weaker, smaller, and younger than me. Eventually, the jerks had had enough. The main girl literally recruited two years worth of bad kids. My friends sat at our usual table. The hall was weirdly empty, then came in ALL the jerks and sat at two (eight-person each) tables.
Three of them came up to me. They started insulting us. One grabbed my fork and started eating my pasta. She then picked up my cardboard juice box, stuck the straw in it, and started drinking. I clapped my hands together and all the juice flooded into her mouth where she was forced to splutter it all down herself. The rest of the jerks found this hilarious, and, not having a nice fun fight to get involved in, left.
The main jerk with the juice all over her started yelling at me. I said, “Oh yeah? You and what army?” She panicked and fled. I ate my pasta and one of my friends shared their drink with me.
42. Drying Up After Him
My roommate in college used to get out of the shower dripping wet and leave water all over the bathroom floor. I asked him several times to dry himself off in the shower but he refused. Rather than get angry about it, I just started drying off the bathroom floor every morning with his bath towel.
43. Long-Term And Expensive
Back in 2001, I was cheated on by a boyfriend that I had dated for a few years. After we broke up, I went to Walmart’s book aisle. I grabbed about 40 subscription postcards out of the magazines and filled them all out with his name and address. I marked the ‘bill me later option’ and mailed them slowly over a few weeks.
Five years later, we hung out via mutual friends, and in the garage, there were so many magazines that the two-car garage was a one-car garage. Three years after this, we were talking and he mentioned how his credit was screwed up because he didn’t pay for some magazine subscriptions and they turned him in to the collection agency.
44. Burning In The Bathroom
Several coworkers and I noticed that our lunches and drinks would constantly go missing, even when clearly marked. One of my coworkers was a diabetic and it ended up causing him to have a hypoglycaemic incident due to having his food taken. So after that, things got serious. He brought in a lunch that was laced with laxatives and a Carolina reaper extract oil. The previous diabetic incident was well documented and HR at this point was now aware of the food bandit. Luckily, that day, he hit the jackpot.
Turns out it was someone from HR who was taking people’s food. We heard a blood-curdling scream when the guy took his first bite and he was caught red-handed. It only got better from there. He stayed in the office the remainder of the day as things were sorted out. However, he ended up in the bathroom suffering even more. So not only did he get his mouth burned, he was pooping his brains out at the same time.
45. Micro-Managed Alarms
I was at my mom’s for Christmas Eve one year with my husband. I was pregnant and she had been getting on my nerves because she micromanages the holidays and my siblings and I just wanted to relax. She also had a brand-new iPhone and I knew her password. So I set her alarm to come on every hour on the hour starting at midnight and stopping at 7 a.m. I also changed the alarm tone every hour.
One was a dog barking, which set off her two Shih Tzu-poodle mix dogs for almost 45 minutes before the next alarm went off 15 minutes later. It was the best feeling in the world to hand over her phone after setting up those alarms, knowing what was going to happen. It’s one of my most cherished memories.
46. Hiding Rolls
My little sister NEVER changes the toilet paper roll. Like totally empty, roll under the counter, doesn’t bother to change it. So I collected the empty rolls for about four months, and the next time she did it I took all of them, pulled up her sheets, and hid them all under the form-fitting sheet on the bed. It took her a long time to find all of them.
47. Cash and Carry
I occasionally deliver pizza as a part-time job. There is a customer who tends to pay with a big bag of change. I don’t mean a bag full of quarters, I mean a bag full of dimes, nickels, and pennies. Since his meal typically costs about $20, the bag usually weighs several pounds. It is a total pain to count out all of the change, so typically drivers will just assume that he has the correct amount and leave.
Usually, he has just enough or maybe a few cents over. I don’t think this is an innocent thing either, as he usually gives the bag of change with a big grin. It is such a pain that most of the drivers know his address by heart, and avoid going to his house if at all possible. So, I was having a bad night, and by the luck of the draw got this dude’s house.
I remembered reading something involving someone paying in a checkout line with a bag of change, and I knew I could use a similar method to take my frustration out on this guy in the pettiest way possible. I pulled up to his house and left the pizza in the car. I rang the doorbell, and when he answered I saw the large bag of change in his hand that I knew would be there.
He asked where his pizza was, and I said, “New policy, sir. Gotta count it out before we can give out the pizza.” So I sat down on his doorstep and started to count out all of the change. At one point, I even asked if he could turn on his porch light, because I was having a hard time seeing. He did end up sitting there while I counted out the entire bag of change, even though it took about ten minutes.
He ended up being about a dollar over, so I started picking up pennies to give him his change back, when he said that I could keep the rest as a tip. When I gave him his pizza, he sheepishly told me sorry and then shut the door. The whole situation was incredibly awkward, and to my knowledge he hasn’t ordered pizza from us in a while.
48. The Missing Piece
My roommate and her significant other loved doing elaborate jigsaw puzzles. After I found out she canceled our lease, leaving me one week to find a new place to live, I threw away 1 piece of two different puzzles they were working on. Before you ask, she was able to do this because I was 17, and not able to legally sign a lease.
49. Keep Your Friends Close…
A girl on my softball team antagonized me and spread rumors about me to the team and coaches. We were competing for the same position. She was in my geometry class and tried to buddy up to me because I was good at geometry, and she wasn’t. So for a while, I let her copy my homework, then one day I gave her all the wrong answers and turned in the right answers for myself.
50. Paging Dr. Prankster
Boss paged me on my wedding night. He did it as a joke, but it came at an…inappropriate…moment. We had a “page only if something’s on fire” policy, so I had to call in even though I had just gotten married and was about to go on two weeks’ vacation. When he answered, he laughed so hard I just HAD to do something about it.
So when I got back, I programmed the mail servers to call out on their phone lines and hit his pager with dial-back numbers for phone escort services. At 4 AM. Every day. His wife got this pager before he did one time and saw a text message with something like, “I loved how you described how you would screw me, Jerry. Call back when your wife’s gone for the day.”
The wife was NOT amused. She thought he’d been calling other ladies and tore him a new one. He knew it was me, but he was too stubborn to ask me to call it off. So it kept up for weeks until he finally figured out where the script was running from and used it to page me instead. We had a back-and-forth pager battle for a while, but then it all messed up when an actual data center emergency happened and one of us ignored the page, thinking it was the other pranking him.
That ended the fun.
51. Special Delivery
My little brother and his girlfriend came to stay at my house for the weekend, and the girlfriend was super self-centered and obnoxious. When they left, she forgot her clothes and toiletries because she left them sprawled all over my bathroom. About a week later, she and my brother moved into an apartment together.
After he paid for the moving truck, deposit, and utilities, she cheated on him with her ex and kicked him out of the apartment. This left him broke, homeless, and heartbroken. In the days after the breakup, she kept calling and emailing him several times per day, demanding that he ask me to ship her clothes and toiletries back to her. “It’s really important, it’s my North Face.”
My brother called and pleaded with me to ship them to her so she would stop having a reason to contact him. Being the loving sister that I am, I gathered up the Really Important sweatshirt, shorts, underwear, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and razor. I folded everything nicely. I then wrote a nice note apologizing for taking so long to mail them to her, and let her know that I hope all is well.
The note was written in permanent marker, and the paper happened to be resting on the Really Important North Face when I wrote it. Unfortunately, the ink bled straight through the paper and onto the shirt. Also unfortunately, the shampoo, soap and conditioner caps were not tightly secured on their bottles, and the contents leaked out all over the clothes, further spreading the ink.
The most unfortunate result, though, was that her razor didn’t have any sort of protective cap or container and left little slashes all over the front of the Really Important Northface. She received the package, and my brother never heard from her again.
52. Revenge Is Sweet
My wife used to keep these little Godiva chocolates that she likes in her desk at work, but started noticing some of them went missing and figured it must be someone from the overnight cleaning staff taking them. Fed up with losing her not-inexpensive treats, she decided to get revenge on the choco-thief in question by replacing the good chocolate with little squares of chocolate laxatives that look just like real candies.
The next morning, she saw several of the laxatives gone, and then from that day forward, she was never missing another one of her good chocolates ever again.
53. Horrible Bosses
I used to work shifts many years ago, including regular night shifts. My boss was an unpleasant person, to say the least. He would leave his keys on top of his locker. One night I took a small file to work and filed down one or two teeth of his front door key. The next day, he was telling everyone about how he got home and his door lock was broken and he had to get a locksmith out.
Happened again a couple of months later. Then his car key got some treatment. I stopped after that, as I heard him mention it was getting suspicious that all these locks stopped working. But that’s not the best part. Unknown to me, other colleagues also disliked him. One night his locker disappeared entirely. Rumor has it that it’s part of the foundations of an office block in London now.
54. Paying the Price
I started in a new job two years ago and hated a guy who kept joking about me, so I got his phone number and announced his PS4 was for sale for like 50$. Same day during lunch, he was already nuts because of the calls.
55. Butterfly Kisses
When I was in 7th grade, the startup my dad was a part of was failing miserably in no small part due to a crazy CEO. While at his house, my dad observed the CEO’s toddler daughter picking up a piece of dog poop and licking it. He picked her up and told her to give her dad a kiss. Oh, don’t worry, she totally did it.
56. Technical Victory
A horrible former co-worker always claimed she worked way more hours than she actually did, and when she was at work she just browsed Facebook all day. The doctor/owner was very hands-off and just let her do whatever she wanted, despite me going to him with proof, so I decided to take revenge. She was not computer-savvy at all, so I removed Internet Explorer from her desktop and installed an identical icon that, when clicked, would instantly restart the computer.
It was so satisfying when she would forget and click it, losing anything that she was working on. She would always grumble and complain about the issues with her computer.
57. It’s Mine, Apparently
I went to a restaurant for brunch. Upon receiving my bill I noticed a $3 charge for table linen. As I was leaving I folded up the tablecloth. The waiter said, “What are you doing?” I said, “I paid for it, I’m taking it home.” And I did.
58. It Smells Your Fear
A girl in high school did something to annoy me. I can’t even remember what it was. She made it well-known to everyone that she was terrified of Furbys. So I brought one to school, found people in all of her classes, and passed it along between them so that it followed her all day. She ended up having a panic attack; I almost felt bad.
59. The Worst Smell!
I know a girl that broke up with her idiot boyfriend and moved out. But before she left she hid potatoes all over his house where he couldn’t find them, so that when they rot months and months later he will never get rid of the smell.
60. Charitable Vengeance
I’m a hairstylist and I got fired from a salon job over some nepotistic hogwash. Luckily, I had about 60 free haircut cards lying around my apartment. So I came up with a devious plan. I donated them all to a charity that helps recent parolees get back on their feet. On one hand, it’s nice to help people. On the other, it’s also nice to know that they’ll probably use the free haircut card, never come back, and not tip the stylists.
61. Pettiness, Delivered
My neighbor flipped out on me because my dog was sniffing her lawn and yelled, “Get your dog off my lawn! Don’t let him poop on my lawn!” It really got to me so I ordered 500 boxes from USPS to her house every two weeks for a few months (you can order up to 500 of any size for free). I also mixed five bullion cubes for chicken broth (usually you use like two or three for a large pot of soup) into a water bottle with a hole in the cap.
I’d just spray it all over the last foot or so of her lawn the whole length every day for a few weeks so that every dog, cat, and stray/wild animal would go sniff her lawn every time they passed by it.
62. If You Could Care, That’d Be Great
This hasn’t happened yet, but it should commence in roughly three hours. My current job is not all that great, small company cronies and all that. But what makes it truly bad is the management and ownership attitude. We are treated like throwaway items, not people. We’ve had a fair amount of people let go recently, most of them for cost-cutting reasons.
When some of these terminated employees pointed out that the holiday season is a mean time for planned reductions, they literally got told “Not my problem, that’s your problem.” When we are forced to perform jobs without adequate equipment, funds, parts, etc. “Not my problem, make it work.” “Lie to the customer if you need to, it’s your issue, not mine.”
I’m the last surviving member of my department. I’m doing the jobs of three people, just to keep operations running. I’m by no means vital to company survival, but there will be pain if my workshop sits idle. Well, surprise! I’m turning in my final timesheet today, without notice. My new job starts next week. I think its petty revenge, but that’s ok. Not my problem, right?
63. Let’s Go to the Tape
I wear hearing aids, and a girl in my math class when I was in high school used to make fun of me. I hadn’t said two words to her, I gave her no reason to do it, she was just being evil. So I recorded her mocking my hearing loss on my phone and then played it for her parents. They took the new car they just bought her back to the dealership.
64. Don’t Plant Stand Me
This was petty revenge executed on me by a friend. Executed flawlessly. At some point back in the late 90s, early 00s, my friends and I started pranking each other by sending each other links to what were supposed to be legit pictures but were actually pictures of plant stands. It got so bad that we started refusing to click links sent around, and coined the phrase “don’t plant stand me.”
Flares up and down for several years as my friends move away from NYC and around the country, but continue to share pictures/funny links/etc. We would also keep track of who had gotten who most recently, and I don’t even remember what I’d done, but I’d plant standed one of them particularly badly. Fast forward about a year, I’m getting married.
Everyone is invited, including this friend who is going to stay at my place during the wedding. She drives up in a rental and asks me to help bring her bags in. I’m so excited to see her, I rush out and grab a couple and carry them into the guest room and get her all set up. It’s a great wedding and my wife and I head off to our honeymoon for a week, saying goodbye to everyone before we go.
When I get back to my house, another week or so goes by before I have to get something from the closet in the guest room. And that’s when I find it. A huge, wrought-iron plant stand, smack in the middle of the room. This friend of mine found, bought, disassembled, flew to another country, reassembled and left a plant stand in my guest room. And I helped carry it into my own darn house! Needless to say, she won. We don’t plant stand anymore. There’s no point.
65. Tears on My Guitar
I was at a guitar store once. I’m not a very good guitar player, but I was shopping for an amp and decided to try a few out. I pulled a guitar down from the wall, plugged into an amp, and started tweaking the settings to my liking. A guy in a wheelchair came up, plugged into the amp next to me and pumped the volume, then proceeded to play some metal licks right next to me.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt, powered off the amp that I was testing, and walked across the room to another amp, plugged in, and started fiddling with settings again. Again, he rolled himself over, plugged into the amp directly adjacent to mine, turned up to 11, and proceeded to go to town on the guitar.
A second time, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, walked away, and tried a third amp without saying a word to him. He rolled over, plugged in, turned up, and started playing as loud as he could. I asked him if he’d mind giving me a few moments, as I was considering buying one of the amps, and he responded with, “I don’t know why you bother, you’re a bad guitarist and I can do anything you can do ten times better.” I knew exactly what to do.
I looked him in the eye, said, “Not quite anything,” and reached up to hang the guitar from the top rack, all while maintaining eye contact.
66. Lose My Address
I was dating this girl. I thought she was the one, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. I worked late for my job, and I was just happy there was someone in my bed when I got home at 2 in the morning. Came home one night, and she was awake. She then suddenly confessed to using my apartment to cheat on me with seven different people. So I packed her stuff up, since she was still living with her mom anyway.
Then I lied to her and said I moved to Seattle. I moved to Hawaii instead. Three months after being in Hawaii, I get a phone call from her. I answer, and to my surprise, she’s called me from the Seattle airport. She flew out there to try and fix things between us. The dialog goes as follows Me: So you’re in Seattle? Her: Yeah! Weren’t you listening? I came here to fix us.
Me: Oh…well, that’s bad. Her: What’s bad? Me: I’m in Hawaii! I then hung up the phone. She calls back immediately, and I answer. Her: YOU LIED TO ME!! Me: Huh, how does it feel? I hang up again. To me, that was good revenge.
67. Golden Boy
When I was 7, I was mad at my younger sister about something, so when she went to bed, I peed on her to get her in trouble for wetting the bed. Guys, it made sense at the time.
68. A Little Put-Down on Your Pick-Me-Up
I currently work as a barista at Starbucks, and overall it’s a good job but the pay is just ok. One thing I really dislike, though, is when a group of young junior high kids will come in and order what feels like a million Frappuccinos. So my buddy who frequents Reddit sent me this post about a guy who puts the name sticker for the order over the Starbucks logo to ruin their Snapchat and Instagram pictures.
Last shift, I tried it out for myself, and it was IMMEDIATELY satisfying. The look on this one kid’s face when they saw their drink, knew they couldn’t take a good photo of it, but also knew that the only real problem was the sticker placement? Priceless.
69. Early Wakeup Call
I work as a hotel housekeeper. I was abused by an obnoxious snowflake guest. During her room service, I set her bedside alarm clock to go off, full volume, at 2 a.m.
70. Cheaters Get Cheated
When I found out my then-husband was sleeping with a coworker for over two years, he was in Denmark on business. I took every penny out of our joint account and opened a new account at a different bank. When he called to ask why his debit card didn’t work, I acted puzzled. This went on for days until he called the bank. In the meantime, I’d gotten an attorney and filed for divorce, and changed all the locks. I also took his phone and threw it into the Mississippi River.
71. Restaurant Playground
This was about 15 years ago, in college, while I was a host at a crummy Mexican restaurant. It’s a normal, busy Saturday night, and this guy walks in, right past me. He circles through the whole restaurant, comes back, and points out the table he wants to sit at. I do exactly as he asks. I knew what he was doing. He did not want to sit by any kids. Now, what happened next was completely avoidable, but he had angered me by acting like a smug jerk.
I proceeded to surround him with every party including kids. Loud kids, messy kids, small kids, birthday parties, I’ve got the perfect seat for you! I could see that he was ready to erupt, but it was too dang funny. He came up and yelled at me in front of the entire restaurant for the slights. I played dumb and then went in the back and laughed my butt off with everyone else.
72. The Gift Of Pettiness
I gave my jerk sister-in-law a beautifully wrapped (like, tight wrapping paper with so much perfectly curled ribbon) copy of Toxic In-Laws at her bridal shower. I obviously did not attend said shower, so she likely opened the gift in front of the crowd, for maximum embarrassment. Yes, yes, it made me look ridiculous, no doubt, but I know the irony probably shook her good, which was my goal.
73. Splash Back
I was on a transatlantic flight and was sitting on the first row of the plane. The woman next to me had a baby in a crib and a small child. She sat on the opposite end of the row from me and sat her toddler right next to me leaving an empty seat between her and her kid; I had no issue with any of it until food arrived and the child started moving around a lot and kicking my computer and was making it impossible for me to eat.
I asked her politely to do something about this and her reply was that it is known that those seats are for people with children. I was so angry I couldn’t eat. I took my tiny wine bottle to the bathroom and filled it up with water. Then I waited. When she took the kid to the toilet I proceeded to pour the water on the seat next to me.
They came back and after 10 minutes the kid said to the mother that he is wet. She sat the child in the other seat and put a towel on the wet seat and sat there. Didn’t say a word to me. I think I slept the rest of the flight.
In high school I once had a friend who, whenever I would buy a Pepsi would come up and take it from the table and take a drink without asking. He did this almost every week until I had enough and I wanted revenge. I had a friend who chewed snuff and he would spit into a water bottle. Out in his truck he’d always have a water bottle filled with his brown spit and chewed up cancer leaves. I asked him if I could have it and with an odd look he obliged.
I went with the bottle of spit and bought a Pepsi. Went to the bathroom and poured out only half of the Pepsi so the can would still be cold. I poured the saliva inside the Pepsi can and went to our before class social hour. I put the can on the table and said “don’t even think about touching my drink. I’m going to the bathroom be right back” well he did what he did every week.
I come back only the room and there is throw up all over the floor and he’s gagging. I start hysterically laughing and he immediately gets so angry. He threw several bibles at me in a fit of rage while I couldn’t for the life of me stop laughing. To this day he thinks it was ketchup in the Pepsi.
75. Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Free
I was eating dinner at a restaurant with my boyfriend. The table next to us was a group of 7 or 8 young high school age girls. They were making fun of us, saying “only fat people date fat people”. My boyfriend had put his arm around me as he overheard them and noticed I was getting uncomfortable. One girl then put her arm around another girl, mocking us, saying it was a “wide stretch”.
I got up, found their waiter, and paid for their entire meal. When they opened the bill and saw nothing they froze. The waiter told them I paid for it. I remember being a horrible 17-year-old. I wanted to embarrass them. It worked.
76. Falling for You
I used to deliver pizza, and one time I had a delivery to a brownstone house with a small stoop. It was either Christmas or Thanksgiving week and we had snow/ice a couple of days beforehand. Well, I pull up, and there must have been some sort of family gathering at the house because there were a handful of people outside talking.
When I get out of the car, one of the people on the porch opened the door and yelled into whoever was supposed to come out and pay for the food. The woman came to the door as I was walking up the sidewalk. I was carrying a cut pie with a couple of bags filled with wings or whatever inside. I had a decent amount of food in my hands.
But as I was walking, I slipped on ice and fell onto the sidewalk while everyone was watching. The massive pizza fell facedown, box open, onto the icy sidewalk to the horror of the hungry onlookers. I remember being on the ground, in the process of getting up, picking the pizza up off the ground, and hearing this woman screaming at me. That’s when I lost it.
She was so mad that I dropped her food. She didn’t offer to help me up, she didn’t ask if I was ok, she didn’t apologize for having ice on her sidewalk, she just flipped out on me. So now I’m standing there with a mutilated pizza hearing this old woman ream me out in front of her family. I apologized as soon as I fell, but she didn’t care. For at least 20-30 seconds she went in on me for dropping the pizza.
So I threw the pizza at her feet onto her porch and got into my car and left. I took her chicken wings with me so I had some sort of proof that I didn’t deliver the food and I didn’t get paid for it. I have a lot of stories from delivering, for some reason, this stuck with me for like ten years now.
77. Hello Goodbye
This happened when I was in my late twenties. My mom and I were in the car. My dad called and they started bickering with each other. My mom got irritated and hung up on him. He called her right back, and when she answered he hung up on HER! Didn’t even say a word, just waited for her to pick and then hung up.
It was so petty and hilarious to see my parents acting like children. I couldn’t stop laughing. They’ve been married for over 35 years. I still get tickled when I think about that.
78. A Sharp Lesson
In grade school, I kept a bag of chips in the same pocket, every day, in my backpack. This kid I knew would punch that pocket any chance he could for five days in a row. One day, I replaced the chips with a bag of sewing pins. He never did it again. Sweet sweet justice.
79. Call on Me
When I was a kid, I attempted to call my aunt. For whatever reason, I accidentally dialed a 6 instead of a 3 and this man cursed me out for being a telemarketer. I was so stunned, I didn’t even hang up initially. My petty revenge was giving the number to all my friends, and for about two weeks we called him every day at all hours.
80. A Classic Move
This was my best revenge. I went through an awful divorce. My ex-wife cheated on me, told lies about me, and all throughout the divorce I took the high road and was there for my kids while she disappeared off the face of the Earth. Her birthday was only a couple of weeks after the divorce was final. As the kids were young, I was a good guy and purchased several presents from the kids to her. But I got one special “gift” just from me.
Among the gifts, I bought a necklace with a big red “A” at the end. Her first name is Ann. I had the kids give that to her and she wore her scarlet letter all around town. Most people in our town knew what she had done, and some were even aware of the necklace. Yup, I made my adulterous ex-wife wear the scarlet letter.
81. Parental Intervention
My sister and I once applied for a summer job. I was in charge of dropping the applications off to the company one day. I got there after a 40-minute commute. It was closed, so I just drove back home. My sister was mad at me for not dropping them off regardless of the circumstances. She told me she was going to go there herself and drop her application and not mine, since I didn’t do it right the first time.
My parents found out about this and made her drive a second trip to drop off my application as well, since she was being petty and wouldn’t take it the first time.
82. Everything but the Kitchen Sink
My college roommate had a bad habit of leaving her things in piles on our bathroom floor until there was almost no space to walk to the bath or toilet. Not just clothes but change, jewelry, decks of playing cards, knitting needles, books, hairpins, scarves, earbud headphones, keys, etc. One day she left $40 scattered within the mess, so I put the money in one of her lesser-used bathroom drawers.
Originally I put it there to protect it from our third roommate and her friends. When I came home the next day and noticed that she was clearing her mess in an effort to find it, I decided not to tell her where the money was until our bathroom floor was spotless. Afterward, I decided it would be too awkward to tell her the truth so I left the money wadded up in her hamper as I’d found it on the floor. She was ecstatic when she found it on laundry day. After that, her bathroom piles never got quite as big.
83. Dust in the Wind
There was this co-worker who had always been a jerk to me. I was sweeping the shop and had perfect access to a huge pile of dust, dirt, metallic scraps, rust, and various debris. I noticed that he was sitting right by a vent that a hole on my side of the room led right to. I slapped the broom across it. It sprayed all over him and he never knew where it came from.
84. Obedience Or Consequence
My girl told me that the neighbor across the street was instructing his dog to go poop on our lawn. At first, I doubted he was telling his dog to do that, but I was home sick for a few days and saw it myself. I asked the owner to stop it and he said the dog wouldn’t listen. When I asked him to at least clean up the poop, he said his dog was only peeing.
We had our own dog and I took a week’s worth of his land mines plus the neighbor’s dog’s poops for the week and walked across the street and threw them all over his front yard and walkway one night. Somehow the neighbor’s dog listened after that and never pooped in my yard again.
85. Return To Sender
When I was about 14, I was walking down a road with my friend. Some older teenagers in a car pulled up next to us, threw an egg right at me, and then sped off. Somehow, the egg hit me in the shoulder and then landed on the ground without exploding. It was still intact. The kids did a U-turn and came around to inspect the damage. My friend picked up the egg and threw it right back at their car.
Their window was down, and my friend hit them right at the base of the driver’s side window, creating a perfect airburst. The egg exploded everywhere.
86. Dosing Out His Own Medicine
My neighbor watches TV at night loudly. I’ve asked nicely for him to lower it (I’m a nursing student, so I need what little sleep I get). Long story short, he wouldn’t lower it, and my apartment complex says it’s not loud enough to be considered a disturbance. I now play heavy metal music during the day and put the speaker right by the neighbor’s wall, so he’s not able to sleep during the day.
The music is a disturbance, but it’s not loud enough for the complex to consider it a disturbance, so they can’t do anything about it.
87. Free Food For Vengeance’ Sake
I worked in a restaurant with a jerk in the early days of touchscreen point-of-sale systems. Whenever he forgot to log out, I would enter duplicate orders for his tables under his account. Management thought he was a complete idiot and eventually he was even questioning himself. Meanwhile, the rest of the staff got free food.
88. Not A Good Fit
My grandma, when she was a teenager, was sent to an all-girls school with dorms, uniforms, and the whole shebang. Well, my grandma isn’t an all-girls school type of lady and would sneak out at night by leaving a window cracked open with a shoe. One of the girls at the school did not like my grandma and one night took her shoe out of the window, locking it. This makes it so you have to enter through the front, where a nun was stationed 24/7.
To retaliate, my grandma took a massive poop in this girl’s bed, then remade it. Yeah, my grandma didn’t last too long at that school.
89. Playing Dirty
I moved to America to be with this guy, let’s call him Rick. Rick happened to work at the same big box store as my friend Jason, and one day when I came to meet Jason from work, a co-worker innocently said, “Are you looking for Rick? He’s staying with his girlfriend.” Me, totally stunned: “I’M HIS GIRLFRIEND.” Now another thing you should know about Rick is he bought his toothbrushes wholesale and lived in the grungiest apartment ever.
I cleaned every inch of that bathroom, toilet included, with each and every one of those remaining toothbrushes, documenting every step with photographs. Then I rinsed them in the toilet and put them back in the box. And I packed my stuff and left. But then I sweetened the deal. Ten years later, when I’d calculated he was on the last brush, I sent him the pictures.
90. Performance Revenge
I got reviewed at work by a manager I had never met before. I had done everything I was always told to do and more, but he still marked me low. I know it’s because they wanted to avoid giving me a raise, but at least say you don’t want to or can’t afford to. I’ll at least respect your honesty. Anything else, and you can go screw yourself.
Anyway, he told me I didn’t go the extra mile. I pointed out that I always do. His response? “Well, I never see you do it.” I said, “Well, maybe if management didn’t always hang out at guest services and went around to the other floors, where I am doing my job, you’d have seen me.” That got him to yell at me and mark me poorly for attitude, but I don’t care.
Later on, he came up to me and asked me if I could stay late. Given that I’d previously told him I didn’t have anything else to do the next day, he probably thought I’d say yes. I looked him in the eyes and said, “Sorry, but I don’t see that you guys need my help.”
91. Your Music, Then My Music
Neighbors had a party with karaoke (pretty bad karaoke) that lasted until about 4 a.m., blasting the speakers with Rancheritas, Corridos, bad oldies Spanish pop. I decided to wash my car with speakers blasting Cannibal Corpse at 6 a.m. when they had just gone to sleep. The next time they had a party, they came over beforehand and said it was going to be over by midnight. It was.
92. Tiny Book Ruiner
Whenever I fought with or got mad at my parents when I was very young (five to seven years old), instead of giving them attitude, I’d just bite my tongue… then later sneak into their bedroom and rip out the following five to ten pages of whatever book they were reading at the time. I was a tiny little passive-aggressive psycho.
93. A Deserved Loss
My former roommate/best friend out of the blue started spreading completely fabricated rumors about me. When I heard about them, I didn’t confront her or call her out. Instead, I blocked her in every way, took all my stuff out of our shared storage unit and never reminded her about paying her half. Months later, I finally got to see the hilarious aftermath. She showed up on my doorstep to tell me that they had repoed everything in the unit.
She had every childhood photo, family heirlooms, expensive furniture, and a small jewelry collection in there. Got what she deserved as far as I’m concerned.
A neighbor tried to hit my cat when she was chilling on his lawn. I got so annoyed, I ordered a ton of catnip seeds from Amazon, and threw it all over his lawn. The cat situation got so bad for him that he had to move out.
95. Snow-Shoveled In
When I lived in this apartment complex, there was a huge blizzard one winter. The apartment complex had a parking lot. I was parked in the space right in front of my apartment. It took me three hours to shovel out my car and the space, toting the snow to the grassy areas instead of just throwing it into the lot or other spaces. It was brutal.
I leave for work that night, and the jerk neighbor, who was parked in the space next to mine… brushed off his car a little, pulled out of his space without shoveling and parked in the space I had just shoveled. I WAS PEEVED. So I spent another two or so hours shoveling out the space he had been parked in… directly onto his car.
96. My Friends Suck
I had a “friend” named Jimi who I played music with. I had to go out of state for several weeks for work and during that time my only roommate moved out with the help of Jimi (I owned the house by the way). Jimi, knowing that nobody was there for another week or so decided to let himself in through the dog door and rummage through everything in my room. Thank god for my nest cam. He was in my room for about 10 minutes going through every drawer. Left and came back a few minutes later to do a final sweep. The last image on the camera was him noticing the camera and a literal jaw drop before he unplugged it.
As revenge, I took the video, posted it to Facebook, and tagged all of our mutual friends. Got a call five minutes later with the most frantic apology and him begging me to take down the post. I no longer talk to Jimi.
97. I Will Be Wiping Away My Tears….You Won’t
When my wife and I were selling our house, I had a huge work table in the garage. I told the real estate agents that of course it would be gone by closing. There was another workbench up against one wall that was permanently mounted. The buyers freaked out about it, saying that I had agreed to remove it, and threatened to back out of the sale. Then they offered to remove it themselves if we paid them. We were busy moving and buying a house; I didn’t have time to deal with it, so we paid.
As I was doing my final walk through to make sure we had moved everything out, I went through all the bathrooms and took every roll of toilet paper with me when I left.
98. Messed Around, Found Out
My first car was a 1984 Jeep CJ7, a pretty sweet ride for a dirt poor teenager in the 90s. I was working midnights at a gas station and loaned it to my brother who was taking a date to a party. I got a call around 1 AM from my brother who told me he left the keys in the Jeep and it was stolen. I was absolutely, totally devastated.
I was still on the phone with my brother when the thieves pulled my Jeep into my gas station to fill up on gas. As luck would have it, the gas gauge on my Jeep was broken and always read “empty”, and I worked at the only 24-hour gas stations in the area. I pressed the silent alarm and… proceeded to fill up my Jeep (it was a full serve station). When the thieves were out of the jeep, I saw an opportunity to slip the key out of this ignition and into my pocket.
They paid for the gas, and argued amongst each other who had the keys last. The delay was enough for law enforcement to arrive. I had to explain the story to the officer half a dozen times before he understood. The thieves had this stunned look of disbelief on their faces I’ll never forget. The officers were belly-laughing telling the story to dispatch, all the while the thieves sat in cuffs in the back of the squad car.
The story made most of the major newspapers the following day.
99. Sold Out Of Love
My wife was pilfering money from the marriage to the tune of about $1,000 per month. It had gone on for a few years before I figured it out. (I thought she was saving the money, she was really stashing it in her dad’s accounts.) Not satisfied to simply stash away her own salary, she began to buy stuff on the joint charge card, then sell it on eBay. I was the one paying off that card.
I started the divorce without telling her. During this time, I took my name off the joint card without telling her and began using my own credit card. When the bills came in for that month, I informed her that I would not pay the credit card bills anymore, that she had her own job and her own money and she could pay her own bills. There was the expected ruckus about that, but I stuck to my guns.
A week or so later, she had a screaming foot-stomping tantrum about how it wasn’t worth her time to work her eBay business. (Because she now had to actually buy her own inventory instead of just selling stuff I bought). Yeah, I cracked a smile. The story ends thusly: I later traded the stolen money—and my silence about the felonies she committed while transferring the money—for shared custody, zero payments to her, and zero claims on real estate, etc.
She walked away with less than she’d have gotten if she was honest. I even got the house. Our divorce was final four months ago.
100. It’s Payback Time
My roommate in college had only child syndrome and taped a piece of paper over her clock because she didn’t want to “share it with me.” Never mind that she couldn’t see the clock herself, but she would rather no one see the clock than share the clock with my eyes. So, from then on, I would take one sock from a set once a week.
It was slow enough that she didn’t realize it was me sabotaging her socks, but fast enough for her to be really annoyed and wondering that the heck was happening to all of her matching socks.
101. Sign Your Work
My ex cheated on me while I was deployed. She wound up getting engaged to the guy. Before I changed duty stations, she reached out to say goodbye. We hooked up. While she was asleep, I found his underwear drawer and left a note that said, “Cheaters cheat. By the way, I didn’t use protection.” I signed it. Hard not to think fondly on that memory…