Are there any stories better than Vegas stories? Las Vegas is the home of sin in the land of the free, and people from all over the world come to gamble away their savings, indulge in adult entertainment, and partake in beverages at some of the finest clubs around. I know what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay in Vegas, but the internet doesn’t count right? Here are 22 stories that are way too bizarre to stay in the City of Lights.
22. All Accounted for
I can’t really remember everything that happened, but me and about 20 guys took a trip to Vegas after we had been deployed for 10 months. It pretty much went the way of The Hangover, except everyone was accounted for the next morning.
What wasn’t accounted for was about $12,000 from my bank account, which I apparently spent gambling and eating junk food. The TV in our room was missing, three guys lost their wallets with their CAC and credit cards (one of whom had their account cleaned out over the span of about an hour), one guy lost all his luggage that was stored in the room overnight, and one guy we found in the bathtub had passed out and crapped himself while drinking a bottle of champagne.
21. Watching Parrot Shows on Repeat, Dear
Went back to my hotel room early to watch American Idol before getting up at 5 am, trying to find whiskey sours, then watching a parrot show, like, six times before falling asleep, while impaired, in the early afternoon.
This was my engagement trip for my first marriage. It was clear my future ex-husband thought I was a total buzzkill, and the relationship was never the same after that.
20. I’d Read That Script
Let’s just say it involves a stripper, her ex-boyfriend, crawling through a bathroom window being chased by him and his three friends, and running into them again at the Hoover Dam. I’m thinking of writing a movie script about it.
19. It was the Only Way
Pooped on the floor of the UNLV library.
18. Stay Safe
I worked at a club in Vegas where some guy climbed up the fire escape on the side of the building, over the barriers, and then onto the roof that covers the valet area where taxi cabs and limos pull up to drop people off. When the bouncers and valet guys shouted at him to come down, he decided that instead of going back the stupid way he came, he would just…climb down the fluorescent lightbulbs on the side.
They shattered under his weight, sending him down into the street, cracking open his skull on the pavement. He did NOT die, thank goodness, but his wife screamed about suing the club, saying we were gonna be in big trouble for this because her husband is in the NYPD. Amazing.
17. Call Me an Elf One More Time!
I know a guy who got the living daylights kicked out of him by six little people in Vegas. He was being an idiot, so totally deserved it, but it was funny as heck.
16. Pain and Pleasure
I watched someone gamble away just shy of $100K in one sitting at a blackjack table. It was excruciating.
15. “Dear God…I Need to Roll a 3.”
I gambled in Vegas once. My bible study thought it was pretty hard core!
14. Gotta Watch out for the Ladies of the Night
I was once robbed by three hookers.
13. Grandma Don’t Care
Not a casino/hotel worker, but I did see something sad/funny a few years back. This very old woman was playing slots. She was in a wheelchair, and had an oxygen canula. She was clearly not there by herself, her family was nearby. Well, she hits it BIG, and I mean BIG. Bells are ringing, lights flashing, the entire room knows something big just happened.
Casino staff and personnel come swarm her, already getting out the paperwork for her to sign. The bells and lights are still going nuts. A crowd is gathering. She’s clearly not able to handle all this, so her family steps in, and they start talking with the casino staff. The crowd just gets bigger, people start taking photos, and the bells and lights are still going nuts.
Quietly, off to the side, the old woman wheels her chair outside the crush of people, and starts putting money into another slot machine. She doesn’t care if she won big, she just wants to keep pumping money into the machine. She’s not oblivious to what’s going on, but she clearly doesn’t care.
12. There’s Poop in my Soup
This dude pooped on a plate at the buffet and tried to claim he got it from the food line, demanding compensation.
11. Model Citizen
When I was 12, my parents took me to Vegas and we walked by a guy with no arms or legs. He was holding so still and was staring blankly into space without even blinking. I thought he was a statue and got right up in his face, trying to figure out what the statue was made of. Then my mom yelled at me and the dude started crying. I freaked out and had no idea what to do. I still think about that guy from time to time and hope that someday I can make a difference for someone who really needs it.
10. Probably Didn’t Even Make it out of the Hotel
My friend got really inebriated and was crying under the sink in the hotel bathroom—all because he saw a cockroach by our door.
9. A Vegas Story?
Sure. A few years ago I went to Vegas. I brought some money with me. I came back, but my money stayed there, never to return again.
8. Fill in the Blanks
Absinthe. Industrial music club. Stretch hummer. A whole bottle of Captain Morgan’s. I’ll let you fill in the blanks.
7. A Magical Land, Indeed
Last year when my fiancé and I went to Vegas, we had the following happen in a 48 hour period: We met a one-eyed Canadian Oil Millionaire, one of the friendliest people I’ve ever met. We saw a group of overweight security guards speed-walk chase after a woman who ripped off a casino. It was one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen. My fiancé got blatantly hit on by an incredibly drunk Australian woman, who started getting increasingly frustrated because absolutely everything she tried flew over my fiancé’s head. Finally, we had a gun pointed at us in the Flamingo by a drunken mountain survivalist.
Vegas is a magical city, I can’t wait to go back.
6. Happy Birthday!
Long story short, I had 10 shots too many and ran around 3 different casinos trying to steal cases of chips (money) from VIP sections. I then tried to get a young Asian couple to adopt me, and finally got tackled by security.
Woke up in jail with a broken nose. Had no idea what happened other than what my friends told me. Charges were dropped, so there’s that. Will never forget that birthday.
5. The Sad Truth
I worked at one of the largest casinos in the world (located in the US), and we did not have any windows. The 36-story hotel had its windows broken multiple times when people had jumped. Others had killed themselves in the rooms in other ways. I’d say there was at least one suicide every 2-3 months. This stuff never made the papers.
4. Thanks Boss
Backstory: I’m not a huge gambler, usually $100 per trip max. Before I left, my boss said “32” to me. Nothing more, just “32.” I arrive in the evening, get checked in, hit the bar and see a roulette table. I slapped a $20 down on 32, thinking, “let’s get this out of the way so I can tell him I lost.” Well, I didn’t lose, it came up 32. $700 made that trip a LOT more fun.
The rest of the weekend, I ended up winning some and losing some, but I came home with the original $100 I’d allotted myself, so I’m calling it a win. I bought my boss a nice bottle of booze as thanks.
3. Taxi Man = Best Man
My wife and I were a little inebriated and we were looking to renew our vows in downtown Vegas, but couldn’t find any open chapels. Defeated, we called a cab. When we got in the cab, the driver asked if we had just gotten married, and we explained that we had tried but nothing was open. He then made it his mission to find an open chapel for us.
He drove us to this quiet street, chased a man in a tuxedo, then talked to him for a while. The man in the tuxedo called someone who then came out of her home and welcomed us into her home, which turned out to be a chapel. She had obviously just gotten out of bed. We signed some papers, my wife grabbed a plastic bouquet and walked down the aisle. The best thing was our taxi driver had turned his meter off and agreed to be my best man. We even got him to sign our certificate as a witness. Even though my wife and I had been married for a year already, it was $350 well spent.
2. High Rollers
So I went to Vegas with my really good friend for a week to celebrate her recent graduation from college. Her family had paid for everything except my flight, their only request was that I make sure she has a good time since I was her “fun” friend. Not huge gamblers but loving to party, we hit the strip and ended up at Omnia.
We have fun, and end up meeting two guys that were going to be visiting for a few days as well. They look a bit older, but cool, so we ended up going back with them. Great times pursued. We ended up hanging out with them some more, and the next night I went back with the one guy to use their hotel room.
Lo and behold this guy was loaded. I had an idea that he made money and was a bit older, but it turns out he was about 13 years older and really rich. His room was the penthouse. The resulting days they took us out and essentially treated us as sugar babies. It was awesome, 10/10 recommend.
1. Hold Your Liquor
My husband bought a few bottles of rum to drink over the trip. The last night he didn’t finish all of the bottle, so the morning of the flight he decides to just drink the rest, almost half a bottle. He felt nauseated, so I told him to have a shower while I went shopping.
When I returned two hours later, he was laying in a cold shower, covered in puke…He didn’t even attempt to get out after he puked, just laid there covered in buffet breakfast and spiced rum.