scorecardresearch

Being a parent is no cake walk—but it’s undeniable that some people are worse at it than others. Some are embarrassing, some aren’t the brightest, and unfortunately, some are just flat out bad people. We’ve all been mad at our folks at one time or another, so hopefully, at the very least, these insane stories from kids, teachers, and innocent bystanders will make you feel a little better about the people who raised you.


1. No Means Yes

I’m a teacher, and this one mom taught her son to say “No daddy’s house” even though he loves his dad. He understood “yes” and “no” perfectly before this. After she did this we had to re-teach it by taking things away when he said no, he didn’t want it. He was so confused and cried so much. His mom is literally the devil.

hashtag-blessed

Advertisement

2. Sharing Is Caring a Lot

Our second-grade teacher had her class say something about their family. One of the little boys described the details of his parents swinging lifestyle with another family in the town who had a few kids of their own. He was blissfully ignorant of exactly what he was describing. Apparently out of the 5 kids total between the families (3 / 2 split) no one is really sure who is whose father. So they all are the other family’s “half-brothers and sisters.”

After revealing all of this to the class, his “half-sister” who is in the same class says, “You weren’t supposed to tell anyone!”

Not_Pictured

3. Something to Be Thankful For

For some inexplicable reason, my mom decided that it would be a good idea to casually tell everybody at Thanksgiving dinner at her boyfriend’s house about my tween bouts with anorexia. I didn’t want to be there in the first place, and she just kept going on and on about how I used to just eat carrots for dinner for a year. It got so bad that I eventually had to shout at her to get her to stop.

clocksailor

4. Meal Ticket

I taught elementary school, I had a third grader who was well behind all the other children in reading skills. He seemed capable of reading, but just never put forth any effort. So I would pull him aside every chance I got and tutor him, it was paying off, he was progressing nicely.

Then his mother showed up one afternoon mad as hell because the boy was learning to read. It took me a while to figure out what she was screaming about, it seems she was receiving disability payments because her boy was “retarded” (her words) and incapable of reading, if the caseworker found out the boy could read the payments would stop.

Luckily, she caused such a commotion that the assistant principal got involved and she was threatened with arrest. But the poor little boy was scared whenever I tried to teach him.

longlelady

5. Who’s a Good Boy?

During a parent-teacher conference, the Mom showed up (late) with a tiny dog inside her shirt, with his little head sticking out between her boobs. When we sat down, she took him out and he walked all over the table we were sitting at during the conference.

LindaTinaLouise

6. Director’s Cut Commentary

My mom went through this phase where she would talk out loud during movies, specifically about whatever is going on in the movie. She was also terrible at paying attention to what was going on, so often times what she was explaining was totally incorrect. In addition, she would try to talk over the movie. Mom would occasionally have to yell to make sure that she was being heard over the action scenes.

Imagine, if you will, watching the aftermath of the stampede scene from The Lion King and the person next to you in the theater yelling out “SIMBA IS SAD BECAUSE HER DAD DIED!”

BW_Bird

7. Cut and Run

At used clothing stores, my mother would cut tags to get discounts, since the cashiers would basically make up whatever price they thought it would be on the spot. If they high-balled it, she would get a manager involved, and I hated that.

Deminla

8. Maternal Lockdown

I was 13 when this happened. My mom had made a reservation at a hotel for a trip, but when she got there the lady said there was some error with the reservation and that my mom’s payment didn’t go through, so the lady offered us a double bed room for a discount. Rather than just taking the room, thanking the lady, and leaving, my mom decided the best course of action would be to scream, in the middle of a hotel lobby, “NOBODY IS GOING ANYWHERE TIL I GET MY FREAKING ROOM!”

She then proceeded to pester the lady, who clearly couldn’t do anything about it, until eventually, she called the police on my mom for public disturbance. Mortifying.

elsoov

9. Why Waste a Good Follicle?

Sitting in a parent-teacher conference with several teachers and at least one administrator present, the mom plucks a hair from her head and starts flossing her teeth with said hair.

WhippetDancer

10. Not-So Secret Santa

My mum has done plenty of embarrassing things over the years, however the thing that immediately jumps out at me the most would have to be what happened to my sister. She had been dating this guy for a year or two on and off. Now, normally his ethnic background would not be important, but for this particular story it is. He’s Black and my family is English, so we’re all pretty much paper white. This was all back when my sister and I were in high school many years ago.

It was Christmas, so he and some family friends were invited over and everything was going great until it the time came for opening gifts. My mum, who thinks she’s hilarious, decided to give my sister (who was still a virgin at the time) a deck of cards filled with “positions to try.” Remember, this was also in front of our close family friends, not just the boyfriend himself.

She was already mortified by that alone, but the worst was still yet to come. Her boyfriend opens up his gift and it has a little card in it, along with a box of glow in the dark condoms. Mum: “Do you like the present? It’s so that she can find you in the dark!” Everyone: …Laughs nervously, while secretly wondering what on earth just happened…

x-telemarktr-now-vet

11. Traumatic Flip of Switch

My first teaching job, I had a fifth grader who was THE WOOOOORST (Jean-Ralphio voice). He would literally just stand up in the middle of class, laugh like a madman, and run out of my classroom. He also did a few things in the bathroom that no sane child would ever do, mostly involving feces. I was new, so I asked around to see if this kid had a history of bad behavior.

All of his previous teachers said he was actually one of the better-behaved kids, and he was pretty smart. No previous history of this kind of attitude or behavior whatsoever. They were baffled. We (and by “we” I mean “all the fifth-grade teachers and the principal”) met with his parents four times in two months, trying to determine the cause of all of this.

In the first three meetings, his parents were cooperative, but seemed a little slow. They couldn’t think of any reason why little J (we’ll call him J) would act in such a way. In the fourth meeting, I said “listen, kids don’t just flip a switch like this. J has ZERO history of disciplinary problems until this year. Can you think of ANYTHING that happened between 4th and 5th grade that might affect his psychological makeup?” They said “Oh! His uncle was found shot dead in our home this summer. J was the one who discovered his body.”

Something that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!!!

somanytictoc

12. When Toys Aren’t for Kids

We were talking about the difference between men and women in my class, men have penises and women don’t, blah blah blah. That one boy goes “My mum has a penis too,” and we are going “Oh no sweetie she doesn’t,” but he insists, and it starts becoming uncomfortable. After a while he says, “my mum HAS a penis, only it is not attached to her body, she keeps it in the drawer by the bed.”

Kid-logic is so precious.

hownicetomeetyou

13. Grandparental Hypocrisy

My uber-catholic grandparents met when my grandpa was married. He left his wife, my grandmother got pregnant, and they eloped in the 40s. My grandma was 18 and my grandpa was 27. He took her to her senior prom. No one knew about this until last year…and my uncle was born “early.” Apparently, no one in my family can do math and never added up the birth and marriage dates.

charlotteamom

14. Brawling is a Family Affair

I’m a high school teacher. One time, a parent of a child who had been going back and forth with another child on social media came to the school to confront the other girl. The mom ended up bursting into my classroom to try to fight one of my ninth grade girls, sending us into a lockdown until the woman was removed by the police.

I want to make clear that the systems in place have failed this woman, her family, and her friends at basically every level and I can understand why she felt like she didn’t trust any systems to handle the situation. By the end of the school year, this particular mother was helping chaperone events and was a good role model for our young people. Her daughter was one of the best performing students in the grade.

awsmith1989

15. Not a Frisbee

My dad’s always been a bad influence on well…everyone, but one day when I was 13 my Minecraft disc got scratched and was unreadable. So, we went to GameStop with the express purpose of just getting the copy returned, except we were over the warranty by 4 days. My dad threw the disc at the cashier and stormed out (without getting me a new copy, I may add).

Yeah, there’s a reason I’ve booked a one-way flight 6,600 miles away from that guy.

Xerocat

16. Don’t Skirt Around the Real Issue Here…

My mum once pulled up my skirt, causing me to involuntarily flash a room full of people, at a family Christmas dinner. I was absolutely mortified. She wanted to check for any potential self-harm scars on my thighs, apparently. I’ve never physically harmed myself before in my entire life. I was 18 years old at the time, and thankfully I was wearing underwear so it was not as bad as it could have been.

Nevertheless, she should not be allowed to consume alcohol ever again…

flibbyjibby

17. The Burned Book

This daycare that my cousin’s daughter used to go to put together this cookbook to sell as a fundraiser. It was all the kids’ favorite recipes; not written down and brought from home but in their own words. A bunch of the recipes had steps like “then you put it in the microwave because Mommy doesn’t like to use the oven” or “then you play in your room until it’s time to eat because Mommy doesn’t like to be bothered when her friends are over.”

They were pretty funny.

toniMPLS

18. No Shirt, No Shoes, No Car Ride

When I was a senior in high school back in the day, I had accidentally left the lights on in my truck all day long and had to call my dad to come to my school and help me jump start the car. Now, my father is 6’1 and has a very large belly. For some unknown reason, he shows up wearing nothing but cloth shorts and no shirt to try and jump start my car. In front of all my classmates…

And is if that wasn’t bad enough, he did it again another time a few years earlier when my mother had sent him out to my school to come and give me a sandwich to eat before a big football game I was in. The man’s boxers were literally longer than his shorts.

bekahboo1989

19. Silly Rabbit, Tricks Are for Kids

I was 15 or 16 and teaching the 2- and 3-year-olds at church. It was Easter, and one little boy comes in crying up a storm. Nothing that my friend and I do can console him. About halfway through he stops and just sniffles. At the end when the parents come and pick them up, he sees his dad and starts crying again, telling his dad that he doesn’t want anything to do with him. His mom comes and gets him, and my friend and I tell her about her son. She was trying SO HARD not to laugh and told us why. The boy’s dad hit a rabbit on the way to church this morning, and the boy started to cry, thinking it was the Easter Bunny.

MonkeyFlower

20. Read It or Weep

My mom REFUSES to show people at Walmart her receipt when we are leaving. It is annoying that they ask, like all of our stuff is bagged, c’mon. But she will fight them over it. She says she hates being treated like a criminal when she has clearly paid, and I get that I guess. But come on, just show the darn thing and we can leave. But she’d rather stay and argue until they admit defeat.

hyder700

21. Bad Dads 2

My dad, influenced at least in part by the movie Bad Boys II, decided to mess with my boyfriend on my first date by acting like a tough guy. He filled a whiskey bottle with tea and, when he answered the door, he started chugging down the whole thing while scanning my boyfriend up and down. He then tried to break the bottle over his own head.

The date was canceled due to the ensuing hospital trip, and I became known as the girl with the totally insane father. “Don’t concuss yourself this time, Dad!” became the running joke in my house once I was able to get a date again.

Zarokima

22. Obsessed With Progress

As a teacher, I’ve been pretty lucky—most of my parents have been cool, supportive, and laid back. I did, however, have one mom who stalked me heavily online, not because she liked me, but because she wanted to constantly talk about her daughter’s (supposed lack of) progress.

She sent me friend requests repeatedly, showed up at the school once while I was teaching to ask me why I didn’t accept her request. She somehow got my personal email and began emailing my personal email rather than my work email. She also told her daughter to follow me home one day so she could “stop by” sometime (thankfully the daughter told me about this in advance and she didn’t do it).

It finally ended when the daughter was pulled from the school only after a lawsuit was filed declaring negligence on our part for “meeting the student’s needs” (the daughter was a straight B student who didn’t really act out too much and seemed to enjoy school).

BosskHogg

23. Let’s Not Play Dress Up

Former Catholic school teacher here. The first-grade teacher at the school I taught at was a nun—Sister Katherine, I believe. She had a particularly naughty little girl in her class one year, prone to tantrums, trouble following directions, hitting others and herself, throwing fits and the like. Apparently, after refusing an instruction given to her and being threatened to call her father, the little girl announced to Sister Katherine with a devilish grin that “My daddy says he’d looOOOoove to see you in a bikini.”

suprnvachk

24. Easier than Tinder

I’m a male elementary teacher. I’ve had some sketchier parents make weird comments to me. Small rural area. There are some poverty and drug problems and I can feel some single mothers staring at me because I have a decent job.

elwininger

25. You’re Coming With Me

I was at an Applebee’s with my grandma on like my 12th birthday. She and my aunt were just non-stop complaining about how cold their salads were and how it was taking ridiculously long. She ended up pounding on the table, DEMANDING she speak to somebody like she was freaking two. This was in a busy, crowded restaurant, and some poor girl who was already busy had to stop all she was doing to speak with my grandma.

She then started saying how the salad was so crummy and made a big scene. She couldn’t get a new salad for some reason I can’t remember, so then she yanked my arm, and as everyone stared at us, she said, “Come with Grandma! We’re gonna go to a place that has better service.” I was ssoooooooo embarrassed.

SBCeagles59

26. Don’t Do Drugs, Parents

When I was 11 years old, I was taken in by the police for questioning regarding drug distribution that had been taking place out of our family’s house. My dad had marijuana growing in the basement, and he had been using it as well as selling it frequently to neighbors and friends. When the police raided the house while my dad was at work, they asked me if I knew anything about what was in the room.

Since I admitted to having had knowledge of it, I guess that that was all it took for them to feel the need to bring me in for questioning. They even cuffed me and everything. My dad didn’t show up at the police station til almost eight hours later. As you can imagine, in a small town like the one where I grew up, people talked. A lot.

It also didn’t help that I lived next to a massive apartment complex where everyone could see what was happening the entire time as it was unfolding. I was the talk of the town for almost two years because of this incident.

deuteranopia

27. No Mars For My Kid

Jay’s mom. This story is a colleague’s. The science teacher said, “for this unit, I’ll be taking you all to Mars!” Jay’s mom comes in—in-person—yelling about how ain’t her kid goin’ to no Mars. She ain’t give permission for dat. True story.

_ebola_

28. Flipping the Bird

I’m a dance teacher, and a little girl once told me she and her family had a pet bird that had recently died. She was very distraught and said, “Daddy was bringing it outside to bury it, and dropped it…and then Mommy accidentally kicked it and it hit a wall.” It took everything in my power not to burst out laughing at such a visual.

lunasvah

29. Love, Money, or Mother?

I worked at Best Buy. I stopped in with my mom one day because she wanted to buy me the Star Wars DVD box set for my birthday. I had a huge, HUGE crush on the girl who was working the customer service counter. Well, the DVD set rang up $10 more than it was priced, and my mom deliberately didn’t say anything until after the transaction.

Why? Well, so she could claim the freaking $5 Michigan Scan Law bounty. My crush didn’t know how to process it and the manager was busy, so my mom tore into her about how it was her job and how she should understand how to do things. At my job. To a girl I liked. My life was misery for a while afterward.

medullah

30. I Threw It on the Ground!

A couple of years ago my phone broke, and my dad was taking me to Walmart to get a new one. Got there, and it turns out their phone section had been bought out by a company or something, and that it wouldn’t be reopened for another couple of months. Whatever, no big deal to me, we could just go to a phone store in the mall.

NOPE. My dad throws my broken phone on the floor and starts stomping on it, telling these people what a “crock of manure” their store is, and that they should have it very clearly advertised that their phone department was closed. He demanded to talk to a manager about it. As I was walking away in pure embarrassment, he yells. “OY, WHERE YOU GOING?” I died a little that day.

ind_4

31. The Dirty Laundry

I had my first boyfriend in middle school and brought him home one time. At one point, my mom made him bring me my clean laundry—and by that I mean a single pair of pink High School Musical underwear. I cried from embarrassment, but he was actually pretty cool about it and comforted me.

scuffery

32. Pulling A Gun

My father once had a parent pull a gun on him during a parent-teacher conference. Eventually, they got him to calm down and put it away.

bryansnameistaken

33. When Lines Get Crossed

For those who didn’t grow up in a time where you shared a phone with your parents, consider yourselves lucky.

For those who did…

Me: Hi, it’s Kayge! I was wondering if you were going to go to the mall tomorrow.

Girl I liked: Ummm, yea, I think so. It’s Saturday, so I usually go with my friends.

Me: Well, if you’re there, do you want to, y’know, meet somewhere and have lunch?

Girl I liked: Ummm, yea, that sounds good. Where do you want to go?

Me: Well, I was thinking…

<CLICK>

<numbers dialing>

Mom: Hello?

Me: (Yelling from upstairs) MOM, I’m on the phone!

Mom: (Through the phone) Kayge, are you on the phone? I was calling my friend Riva. She’s having some people over tomorrow and I wanted to know if she wanted any potato salad.

Me: (Yelling upstairs) MOM, I’m on the phone with (Girl I Liked), GET OFF!

Mom: If you want, I can make a little extra so you can take it to judo! I know how tired you get after class. Oooh, I hope I get to go with you this week, you look so handsome in your judo outfit!

<Click>

Me: Sorry, my mom can be soooooo embarrassing.

Mom: I don’t think she’s there anymore, honey.

Kayge

34. Green Accessories

My wife is a teacher and had a parent show up to conferences with a joint behind his ear.

Brickman3000

35. Paternal Malpractice

I said, “Trust me, I’m a doctor” to a kid, then all eyes turned to me. They asked, “Are you really a doctor?” I replied, “No it’s just a saying.” Then one boy, without looking up from his work, says, “My daddy pretended to be a doctor…he got in trouble.”

puscatcomehere

36. What a Crappy Story

Although I wasn’t the victim in this case, I am a registered nurse in a hospital emergency room and these stories vividly remind me of the time when I was caring for this 12-year-old girl because her mom had brought her in for constipation. This mom was really over the top with her worrying, but it is her kid after all so I cut her some slack.

So I give the girl an enema and ask her to try to hold it for approximately 20 mins if she can, then I leave the bedside to go and check on another patient in the meantime. Out of the corner of my eye just a few moments later, I see the girl doing the “Buttcheeks Clenched Sprint” for the bathroom, with her mom trailing closely behind her. Then, I hear some wild shrieking coming from the bathroom.

As it turned out, the enema was enormously successful, and this petite 12-year-old girl had produced a poop the size of my arm. The mom saw this, freaked out, fished the monster turd out of the toilet, and began to chase the doctor around the department, insisting that he take a look at the size and examine it immediately. She then began screaming that this anaconda-like poop must have caused some internal damage or something.

The poor daughter began sobbing in the bathroom—not because of the pain, but mostly from the embarrassment. Meanwhile, the doctor continued trying to get the hell away from the mom and her giant object. Eventually, I was asked to chase down the mom with an empty bedpan and insist that she put the turd in there instead of in her bare hands.

YourLadyship

37. Evolutionary Problems

My favorite one was the lady who wrote a letter to all four principals, the Superintendent, and every member of the School Board, threatening to sue the board if I wasn’t fired, because I referenced evolution (along with gravity and a few others) in a conversation with my class about the difference between a “theory” and a “scientific theory.”

Mind you, we didn’t get into anything about evolution, it was a basic freshman intro to physical science class, but that I even mentioned it was enough. The meeting was spectacular. She yelled at me and the principals for a few minutes, then went into her rant about why evolution was apparently wrong, referencing entropy and the laws of thermodynamics.

At some point, I stopped her and asked her if she understands that those laws only apply to closed systems, which the Earth is not, and she told me I was wrong, it was a closed system. I think I said something about “that giant ball of fire in the sky” before my administrators excused me.

wardsac

38. You’re Breaking My Something

I witnessed a faked heart attack. It was very surreal. And her husband was so embarrassed. Here’s what happened. Grandmother didn’t like my dad very much, and she picked a fight with him, so he decided that he was going home. When grandmother realized that my stepmom (her daughter) was going to take dad’s side and go home too, she yelled a lot and then, as a last-ditch effort, dramatically clutched her chest and collapsed very carefully—it was outside, and I guess she didn’t want to bump her head or muss her clothes.

Dad offered to call 9-1-1, grandfather said it wasn’t necessary, and when grandmother realized no one was taking her seriously she opened her eyes, allowed grandfather to help her up, and went inside with him while fake sobbing. Normally she was quite nice, but she had her moments and really wasn’t happy that her daughter was grown up and had a life.

Holidays usually brought out the worst in her. Which was weird because she loved cooking and celebrating.

acorngirl

39. Big Love

Once while waiting for parents to arrive to a parents evening/conference, my colleague pointed out one of my students’ father sitting in the waiting area. He said “You see the woman sitting next to him, well that’s his wife. And the woman sitting on the other side of him? Well, that’s her sister, and also his other wife…”

madpyschot

40. Tolerance Is Only For Those He Likes

I’d just come out to my parents. They’d never shown an ounce of homophobia before in their lives. We go for dinner at a nice restaurant and the restaurant accidentally put two steaks on our bill instead of one. My dad pointed this out to the waiter (who I’d gone to school with), and the waiter immediately apologized and fixed it.

Well, this just wasn’t good enough for my dad. He started shouting at the poor waiter about how terrible it was and how the restaurant was deliberately trying to rip us off, and then he demanded a discount. When the waiter apologized again and said he couldn’t do a discount, my dad asked to speak to the manager.

The manager came out, was berated by my dad as he said how incompetent the waiter was and how terrible the service had been (it was fine), and how the waiter was trying to rip us off. The (gay) manager told him that the problem had been promptly fixed, the extra steak was purely an accident, and he didn’t feel we deserved a discount.

That set my dad off into nuclear mode. He started screaming obscenities and phobic slurs at the manager, threw the money down on the table without a tip, and stormed out. I was so embarrassed, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. I quietly apologized as I left, but I couldn’t be too loud or long, because if my dad had heard me, he’d have turned his wrath on me.

Raichu7

41. Don’t Go Too Fast

My wife teaches second grade here are a few from her.  One kid couldn’t take a shower one morning because his parents were in there. Another kid said her parents were “racing” in their bed.

valhallaswyrdo

42. Give Her an Inch and She’ll Take a Foot

To preface this, I have to inform you that my mom has always had a way with words, so to speak—as in she doesn’t always know what a word means, but still goes on using it anyway. She also mispronounces things quite frequently, sometimes even in pretty comical ways. So I have this crazy, psychotic hatred of feet and have had it as a part of my life for as far back as I can remember.

I am not really sure why, but any time that feet are brought up around me, my mom never fails to openly tell whoever she is talking with to change the subject because I have “a foot fetish.” We have tried many times to explain to her what that actually means, yet she does not seem to get it and continues repeating this ridiculous claim to people that we know.

I am now 35 years old, and this thing has been going on for at least 25 years. It is kind of mortifying, to say the least. My two little brothers find it hilarious, and thus I am known among many in my family as “The Foot Lover.”

UmericanDreamer

43. Spoiled Brat

Currently doing illegal private tutoring in Korea as an ESL teacher. The “worst” parents I’ve dealt with so far are the family that I currently work with. While the mother and father are easily two of the sweetest and nicest people I’ve met, they’re extremely wealthy, and tend to spoil the crap out of their two elementary kids.

They have a little five-year-old boy that is the most spoiled kid in the universe. This kid throws tantrums every day during lessons, hits and screams at his parents and grandparents, cries over everything, and eats a ton of food everyday. And his parents just smile and laugh over all of it. They’ve never disciplined him, they’ve never told him no.

This kid gets a new toy every week, on demand. This little kid can’t stand doing anything he doesn’t want or he’ll run to his parents crying.

unhappyfeels

44. The Poet Didn’t Even Know It

Not a parent but when I was a teenager I used to write bad poetry. I mean really bad poetry, the “broken heart, nobody could ever understand me” kind of poetry. I kept them to myself and didn’t share them. Fast forward 23 years and I’m helping Mom clean out my childhood home and I come across the entire stack of bad poems tucked away deep in an old box of my stuff.

They’re freaking terrible and deeply, deeply personal. I’m a grown man and I’ve got this stack of papers in my hand that makes me feel 15 years old again. The bad part of 15; the awkward, lack of confidence part of 15, the “holy crap I’m glad I never have to feel that way again” part of 15. I actually try to sneak these papers past my mom to burn them immediately outside.

She sees them and asks me what I’m doing. I tell her it’s just some stuff I wrote as a kid and I’m going to burn it quick as it’s personal and I don’t want anyone to read it. She says “Your poems? Yeah, I really worried about you when I read them.” Damn it, mom.

Cheap_walmart_art

45. Points for Precise Langauge

When I was a sub, I had to sub a fourth-grade class for two weeks. The kids had to write a story about their family and read them to the class. The smartest girl in the class wrote about the dog her dad gave her, except every time she mentioned the word “dad” she said “My dad, sorry I mean the sperm donor.” I asked the office about it, her mom is crazy AF.

thepoisonman

46. Slow and Steady Wins the Petty Race

I have a grandmother like this. When me and my sister were younger, we got drive-thru from McDonald’s and they screwed up our orders. So Granny spent two and a half hours on the phone, going up the chain of command and reading the riot act to whoever picked up. Something you ought to know about Granny is that she talks a lot, and she talks very slowly, to the point where it’s frustrating even when she’s not tearing you a new one.

I can only imagine how unpleasant the experience was for those on the other end.

CassiopeiaStillLife

47. A Grab Bag of Wrong

Once in fifth grade, at the YMCA after-school program, a first grader (girl) came from the side of me and grabbed my junk as I was talking with a friend. A counselor witnessed this, told her she was wrong, and asked why she did that. The little girl said, “That’s what my mommy does to my daddy before he goes to work.”

businator

48. A Grandma You Don’t Want to Be Messing With

As a kid, every single time I made a mistake of any kind, whether big or small, my mom would immediately go and tell my feisty grandma. My grandma would then proceed to tell the ENTIRE family all about it. As a result, whenever we had family meetups, I would never hear the end of it. On top of that, this same feisty grandma would always tell me that I didn’t know anything, and would then proceed to tell others that I didn’t know anything as well if I didn’t have an immediate and correct answer to whatever question she decided to throw at me on a given day.

This even included things that I could have no way of knowing at the time of her asking—such as what my work schedule, that someone else made and over which I had absolutely no control, would be like, even though I hadn’t been able to see it yet. I am still very insecure about things like that to this very day as a result of that environment, and I always start to panic and feel uncomfortable when someone asks me a question that I don’t immediately know the answer to even years later.

I guess the lesson of this and other people’s similar stories is that, unfortunately, even one’s own family can be super messed up at times.

badartpun

49. Drunk Parent Tennis

Last year my dad got blind drunk. Like the drunkest I have ever seen him. He kicked me and my girlfriend out of the house very loudly, and when we were packing up, he came asked why we were leaving and demanded we stay. After another five minutes, he came back and kicked us out again. We went to my mom’s house, and she was so drunk we couldn’t wake her up. So we ended up playing Borderlands all night.

Permalink

Trashiest Holiday factsPixabay

50. Meet Me on the Playground

I work in a middle school with an elementary school next door. Two girls from my school were arguing all day and told their parents about it when they got out of school. The parents proceeded to call their families up to the elementary school and fought in front of a bunch of kindergarteners, knives, and everything. Cops were called, I think some of the parents are still in jail for gun possession/parole violations.

One of the kids was pulled from our school and put in foster care.

ekicky

51. Dine or Die?

Not my parents, but I remember going on vacation with a friend and only then realizing that her parents treated waitstaff like trash. In one dinner, the mother reamed the waiter out because there was a hair on her MENU, and later accused him of trying to kill her diabetic husband because their iced tea was pre-sweetened (even though the menu obviously listed that Lipton raspberry iced tea that comes from a soda fountain).

Permalink

52. Gateway Cuddles

The funniest and slightly sad one that occurred was when I was teaching first grade. One of the little girls in my class—who was absolutely sweet and adorable—got picked up by her dad and his girlfriend. The two adults were doing some serious snogging outside (butt grabbing included) in full view of my class. I went up to them and asked them politely to knock it off.

The daughter then says out loud, “But Miss A, at least they aren’t naked this time!”

Artlinxte

53. An Unarranged Marriage

My parents told one of my best friends behind my back that if she had been the same ethnicity as us, they would have asked her to marry me. I am sure that they thought this would be very flattering for my friend. I only found out about it after the fact, and to this day, over a decade later, the thought of it still makes me cringe big time.

adapt2

54. Name Brand Mess

In terms of ANNOYING, we have a mom at our daycare who is self-admittedly OCD. She goes completely nuts over anything being “dirty.” This extends to our rooms and her child. If we have lots of toys on the floor (in a room full of toddlers, that is 99.99% of the time yes), she freaks out and starts complaining. We have to strip her child every single meal because he’s a messy eater and mom is in such deep denial about that fact that she goes nuclear if he has even a crumb on his clothes.

She brings in her kid in name-brand designer clothing and goes ballistic if they get dirty at all. Some days, he walks around naked more often than not. Yesterday we painted and she went nuclear over that fact. She told me, well yeah, the paint washes out well (she asked which one I used and I told her the one I used last week; I only use the paint that washes out well), but still, ew! Eugh! Omg!

She tells me all the time that her son is happy here and that she can never get him to do art at home—that I “come up with these great project ideas that [she] could never think of!”—but that’s because she does art that explicitly isn’t messy. Crayons and colored pencils, neatly contained in the little box.

I let her son get into the paint with sponges, brushes, and hands. I clean him up well afterward—she’s never complained about that—but sometimes it gets on clothes, smock or no smock. Still, she complains and whines on a regular basis. I don’t know what you want me to do—do you want me to put your kid aside and not allow him to have fun?

If he sits over there and says NO, NO, NO when I ask him to come paint, then by all means, I won’t make him—there are a couple kids in my class that refuse to paint. But he’s engaged, he’s learning, and he’s having fun. That’s what you pay me to do with your child. I’m not a babysitter; I’m a teacher. Yes, I do diapers, serve meals, and wipe up puke, but beyond that, I’m trying to encourage learning and creative play.

At this age, that often becomes messy. Sorry.

AnyelevNokova

55. Double Life

My pawpaw had a secret girlfriend for several decades. We suspect some of her children might be his as well. He had 7 children with my mawmaw, and I guess to escape he’d leave and live with the girlfriend for a couple of weeks at a time. The woman lived a couple houses down from them, so my dad and his siblings never suspected anything, because he was still around the house a lot during those times.

My mawmaw didn’t like it, but she was a very prim and proper woman, and this was during a time when people didn’t air their dirty laundry and they certainly didn’t divorce. I was told that when the woman died in the early 2000s, my mawmaw sent flowers to the funeral; not sure if it was out of spite or just because that’s the kind of woman she was.

No one talked about it for years and years until my mawmaw started showing signs of Alzheimer’s and dementia in her 70s. She would revert back to that time a lot. It was hard watching her relive it every day.

ShesApeachShesApal

56. What Happens In Parent-Teacher Night, Stays In Parent-Teacher Night…

When I taught English in China, my good friend and colleague started sleeping with one of the mothers, a woman 15 years his senior and married. I taught her daughter and would often hear stories about how they snuck around behind the husband’s back.

mc_squared_03

57. Fourteen and Not Ready to Fight

I remember we went out for dinner for my 14th birthday. My mom was not happy about the speed of the service (we did have to wait a long time for both our order to be taken and food to arrive). When the food came, there was some problem with one of the meals. I think it might’ve been mine, but I can’t remember exactly what it was—probably I’d asked for it without something and they’d forgotten, but it was the sort of thing that you could easily let slide.

Instead, my mom complained to the poor waitress and escalated it to the manager. She made quite a scene and dragged me in, as it was my birthday. I sat there in silence, looking at my feet, wishing the world would swallow me up.

DisloyalMouse

58. Road Rage

My mom used to babysit a set of twins, a boy and a girl, One day, they were playing together in one of those kiddie car things. They were maybe 4 or 5 years old, and suddenly she shouts at him while he’s inside the car “YOU’RE DRIVING IT WRONG, WOMAN!!!!” I’m guessing she picked up the exact phrase from her dad.

Carameline

59. Look Out, Here I Come!!!

My 350-pound mother streaked in front of my boyfriend and all of my friends for 100 bucks. I was only 16 years old at the time, but that unshakable image still haunts me to this day.

punkcore329

60. Neglecting A Child’s Health

I have a set of parents that have gradually confessed to me (over time) that they choose not to have insurance (dad owns a popular strip club and mom is a bikini-girl-sitting-on-the-Ferrari model) and only take their one-year-old to the pediatrician when he’s “at 105 temperature and really really sick.” They continually ask me for medical advice and I continually refer them to their doctor.

I say, look, if your son has had a cough for months, and you’re really worried, take him in. He seems relatively healthy to me, but I understand your concern and I can’t exactly diagnose your kid. It could be something harmless; it could not. But they basically don’t listen and, within a week, are back pulling me aside asking about the cough. They care about his health and welfare, which I’m not knocking on, but I’m not a doctor!

They have recently informed me that he hasn’t been seen by a doctor since he was nine-months-old; this means he hasn’t gone in almost a year. I asked if his vaccines are up to date; they are not—mom and dad were “traveling in Europe” and couldn’t be bothered. I have informed management several times of the situation, explaining that they try to treat me like a doctor and that this child could be at risk in a daycare environment—that’s why our policy firmly states that all children MUST be vaccinated.

Turns out they got a “religious exemption” form. Yeah, OK. Sure.

AnyelevNokova

61. Dad’s History

My family just flat out doesn’t acknowledge that our father lied to our family about everything: where he grew up, lived, military background, other family, jobs. We found out after he died and never spoke of it again. It’s been ten years since he died.

Agreeable_Tomorrow

62. Pride Before Safety

My kid went to the preschool run by the public-school system. One day, I saw one of his classmates’—every student was either three or four—mom open the front passenger door. Kid climbed in, and they drove off with the radio cranked and the little girl dancing on the seat leaning against the dashboard. The back seat was totally empty, not even a car seat.

The next day, I offered the lady my other kid’s seat, I’d buy another one on the way home. She told me to screw off and drove away with her daughter again standing on the front seat. I let the principal know, and we watch the car drive of into traffic towards the highway. Day three, I’ve called the police, but they’ll only come out of I call during the pickup. Great, that’ll only take 30 minutes for them to.

After mom drives off with daughter dancing on the seat again, I tell the principal I’m reporting the mom to Family Services if she won’t intervene. On day four, a guy shows up in her car and comes nose to nose with me, without even so much as an introduction. He says if I keep harassing his woman I’ll regret it. I tell the principal, nothing she can do. They stopped bringing the kid to school after that.

pedantic_dullard

63. One Way to Get Your Vegetables

We went through the drive-thru at Taco Bell. I asked for 3 soft tacos, no lettuce. When my mom saw my tacos with lettuce on them, she made a U-turn and went back. She walked inside and threw an unwrapped taco in the cashier’s face. “These were supposed to be without lettuce. What does this look like to you!?” SMACK.

THE_LANDLAWD

64. Where There’s Smoke

My nephew apparently told his teacher in kindergarten that his mommy and daddy would have friends over and pass around a cigarette to each other.

DinosaurTheFrog

65. She Always Thinks of the Right Thing to Say

When I was young, my mom and I used to have this running competition where we would always try and embarrass each other at random times. It was a lot of fun. One day, we were shopping at Safeway and I was in the toilet paper aisle. While I was there, I spotted this VERY hot guy shopping nearby and I was contemplating how to approach him.

Just then, my mom proudly walked in brandishing up a mega pack of toilet paper rolls and yelled out “HEY, SWEETHEART! THIS WILL BE PERFECT FOR YOUR SENSITIVE BUM. HOW’S YOUR DIARRHEA RIGHT NOW???” I seriously thought I was going to die on the spot…

toiletcleaner999

66. Forgetting About The Missing Homework

A parent created an extremely extensive treatise on how the traditional methods of grading should be scrapped. They ended up emailing it to every staff member in the school. They did not, however, ever address the fact that their child did not turn in a single homework assignment between December and June.

dostoyevsky23

67. Not All Things Should Be Crispy

My dad and uncle tried frying a turkey, very drunkenly. Then they forgot about it. The oil went up in flames and so did the side of my uncle’s house.

Permalink

68. Welcome to the Thunderdome

Parent witness to an event not a teacher. My kid’s very first day of school she’s four-and-a-half. In the gym hall, all the kids and parents are in lines according to class and one by one the teachers come and take them away. Our group was last to go. As we are waiting for a guy storms in clearly drunk starts shouting at a woman in the line “why didn’t you tell me it was now! I’ve been looking everywhere etc. etc.” He slapped the mum.

Another dad in the line pulls drunk dad away and pushes him. He falls down on top of another kid. That kids mum screams, drunk starts to run out, squished kid’s dad chases him. He made it out of the gym but then got caught and the snot kicked outta him in the school reception. Everyone is freaked out, kids are crying then the very happy teacher who is completely unaware comes in.

I start googling prices for private schools.

Thephan7om

69. Not Worth the Slip

My mom used to be really into couponing. Like, extreme couponing where the store would pay her after shopping visits. We used to have to wait around for like 20 minutes just to check out so the cashier could scan every coupon. Usually one or two wouldn’t work, so of course, this calls for a manager.

Another 10 minutes goes by, just waiting for the manager to come and fix it. At this point, the cashier starts telling people to get in another line because we’re taking too long (but not in a mean way). It used to take at least a solid half hour to check out at the store. 9-year-old me hated that. My mom isn’t nearly as extreme as before, though. Usually just a couple coupons, but occasionally there will be a problem and I’ll have flashbacks.

Walkbyfaith123

70. Mistress and Master of Disguise

I had a child tell me that his mom and dad both like to play dress up at home. The description of their “costumes” made it quite clear that this was private time dress up. Made for a few interesting interactions with the parents throughout the year.

homiedcdn

71. A Growing Boy

My mother made it a point of conversation to let all ten moms in her social group know that I was “becoming a man,” and each of these calls went on for about an hour and a half because apparently puberty is just that stimulating a conversation for everyone in the neighborhood to take part in. These phone calls often ended up with a lot of “Such a little man!” comments from these members of the neighborhood. A couple of dads even pulled me aside here and there to congratulate me and let me know that “no one needed to know” anything about my personal physical growth if I didn’t want them to. Yeah right, as if I had something to do with whether people would hear about it or not! Ugh…

Darktal0n75

72. Too Sad To Write About

Local crime kingpin (unconvicted). Knew exactly how much he was legally allowed to mentally and physically abuse his daughter (I got nowhere with Social Services). Probably murdered her mother (never indicted—no witnesses).

Sorry for the terseness but I hate thinking about it.

goodtalkruss

Infuriating Parents factsPixabay

73. A Very Bad Idea

My girlfriend’s cousin molested his own sister when he was 18 and she was around 8. He went to jail for a year or so and now has to register as a sex offender. His mother makes her daughter hang out with him. Seriously, the woman makes her daughter hang out with the man who molested her because “they’re a family.” What the freaking heck.

As a victim of sexual abuse when I was younger, I understand what this girl is going through whenever she’s around him. My phone isn’t working right now so I contacted my local state police by email and gave them all the details. I hope they follow through.

wwiding

74. Overdue for Pickup

My mom is a middle school teacher. Just about every day, some bad parent doesn’t come pick up their kids because they literally forgot about them or were passed out drunk/on drugs. Then the poor child gets sent to daycare, which is not free, then the parents complain about the charge. My mom has had to bring random kids home before, who barely know the way home. It’s really sad.

StopBeingASwine

75. Nailed It

I was young, and my mom and step-dad took us to McDonald’s. Somehow, a nail or something got stuck in the tire and caused a flat. I’m not sure if it happened in the lot or not, but they were convinced it did. They went to talk to the manager. I don’t remember exactly what their demands were, but they didn’t get them. So they literally went into the street waving people away, saying that they were closed, all because they were mad.

It just seemed like a ridiculously excessive thing to do.

illini02

76. Face the Facts

I’m a counselor at a summer camp. One kid was playing in the mud. When we asked him to stop, he stood up, and smeared it on his face, like battle paint. He proceeds to shout, “MY DADDY SAYS IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU LOOK NICE AS LONG AS YOU LOOK LIKE A BADASS.” The kid was seven years old.

grizbo

77. Without Even Breaking a Sweat

I believe I was in third grade when this happened. I had two of best friends over at my house for a sleepover, and we were doing something in the living room when it was time for dinner. My dad thought it would be funny to take me into the dining room by picking me up at the feet and carrying me upside down. The only problem was that I was wearing loose sweatpants, and when he lifted me he was grabbing more pant than ankle.

I was in the air for less than a few seconds before I fell out of my pants and landed on the floor bottomless and dazed. And when I say bottomless, I mean out of the sweats, and boxers, and all. I immediately ran away, Porky Pig style, to go and cry in private. My dad came in to try and apologize, but he couldn’t stop laughing. At the time, it was the most embarrassed I had ever been. In retrospect, it was hilarious.

Brightsider

78. Pajama Parenting

The mom who brings her kids to the clinic in their pajamas and is in pajamas 50% of the time herself. She asks for parenting advice and then interrupts me every time to tell me why that won’t work for her son. “He’ll cry.” She insists that she can’t keep him out of locked closets, can’t keep him off of the kitchen counters, can’t keep him from climbing baby gates. It’s called not leaving your kid alone until you’ve taught him what is and isn’t allowed. He’s three, but developmentally probably 18 months.

She lets him have Kit Kats for breakfast and leave the house barefoot because she “doesn’t want that battle” today. Then she’s always late for pick up and talks at me about herself forever no matter how many times I say goodbye, but she talks at me through her son by referring to herself in third person: “It’s time to get in the car because Mommy has to go to Walmart to pick up our medicine. Our medicine has gone up twelve bucks since last time! And we have to get the lotion for you, that stuff better work since it costs $10 for a bottle. Mommy really hopes you don’t start kicking me like last time.”

And it just goes on forever, taking up my lunch break every single time. I can’t walk away because my boss would frown upon that.

hashtag-blessed

79. Someone’s To Blame

I once had parents blame me for their child’s suicide attempt. Their kid wasn’t even coming to my class, and the suicide attempt was apparently not bad enough to hospitalize her or get her the help she needed. The parent confronted me with this in the fall, by the spring we had a meeting with us, the kid, and my administration, and the parent came around to the fact that their child was essentially gaslighting them and using me as a scapegoat.

But blaming someone who had spent maybe five hours with their child in a group setting for a suicide attempt was really low.

ravensandcrowsohmy

80. Turn off the Waterworks

Not me, but one that I witnessed: I was at a cell phone store a few years ago. This was when phones first started to become water resistant. A kid had apparently gone swimming with his phone all day, and the phone had some discoloration to the screen and the touch screen wasn’t working correctly.

The kid obviously knew he screwed up, and he kept asking the mom if they could just leave. He said that the phone still worked, and he would survive. The mom didn’t even try to be civil. She came in, and immediately started to be an abusive customer. I remember she laughed as she said, “Oh, you’re gonna hate me. You should just get your manager now.”

Rhinosaur24

81. Unfair Game

A kindergarten teacher I know once had a student who drew a picture of himself and his father hunting deer. His stick figure had a flashlight, and his father had a gun. He had the teacher write at the bottom, “I hold the flashlight while my daddy shoots the deer.” For those of you who don’t live in Appalachia, shining a flashlight in a deer’s eyes immobilizes them and is illegal.

Dangerous_Kitten

82. It Seems Like You Didn’t Get Much Sleep That Night…

When I was ten years old, I had invited two of my best friends (one boy and one girl) to sleep over at my place for the night. My dad, being the oversharing chatterbox kind of guy that he has always been, proceeds to tell my two friends the story of how I was conceived in the back of a car on a cold night somewhere in the middle of nowhere.

I was beyond mortified and my friends were just as uncomfortable as I was as the story was going on. When he finally left the room, we all collectively agreed to just ignore that whole ordeal and pretend that the conversation had never happened for the rest of the evening. A few minutes later, dad was back! This time it was to bring us some cake to eat out in the lounge.

He was wearing nothing but his tighty whitey undies and a bow tie as he made this special delivery. It was a rough night to say the least…

tafferdaffies

83. Athlete Parents

Was an athletic coach at the university level and this is even more of an issue; athletes’ parents are the worst. I had one mother email me daily about why I should put her child in the game, giving me stats, etc. like I didn’t have access to the same information or that I wasn’t watching practices. At this point in your child’s life, you have to cut the cord.

Your child is being paid (athletic scholarship) to play here, therefore, it is their job—would you email your child’s boss with reasons to give them a raise? Parents can be crazy.

lbutler0000107

84. Pick On Someone My Size

Last year I taught fifth grade. I had a student for one block a day that was a little mentally unstable. She developed a crush on another girl and began writing her a ton of creepy notes. The school was handling it but apparently, the second girl’s mother didn’t think that was enough, so they drove to the first girl’s bus stop in the morning and started yelling and threatening her.

They basically had her cornered when the bus driver showed up and had to pry this raging mom away from the student.

shysmo

85. This Time, Mom Is Grounded

When I was a young child on a long-distance flight, my mother let me and my brother sleep on the floor. For safety reasons, the flight attendants told my mother that we were not allowed to sleep on the floor. She started to argue with the flight attendants, who then turned to the pilots. The pilots threatened to turn the plane around unless we got up from the floor.

It didn’t even matter. My mother just continued to argue. The pilots then announced that they were about to turn around because of my mother, so all the passengers got pissed at her and basically had a mutiny. Eventually, she caved in when she had all passengers and flight crew on a Boeing 747 against her…

ohhellnoxd

86. Seat Belts Save Lives

Not a teacher. But I had a friend who is a preschool teacher. She had a kid that told her she hated seat belts and won’t wear it on the bus. Friend spoke to mother about it. The mother said she screams and refuses to wear it in the car, so she just gave up. The mother was speeding to get to the hospital on a rainy day, kid in the back seat jumping around. She hit water and skidded into a tree and the child was ejected. Died on impact.

To clarify: Found the article after the crash. Did not hit a tree but flipped the car. Child still ejected and died of severe impact to the head. The article does not say she wasn’t wearing a seat belt, but it is known that she was not. Mother was not charged.

Lady_Lachrymose

87. Thank Goodness for Paul Blart

My dad got escorted out of a mall by security and banned from the entire mall for making a sales assistant cry after shouting at her for about 30 minutes because they wouldn’t fix my water-damaged phone. He’s a jerk who thinks rules and policies don’t apply to him, and that being aggressive and demanding will get him what he wants. I cut off contact with him a few years ago.

UkuCat

88. Substituting Words for Suicide

There have been numerous suicides in my family. It’s FINALLY getting to the point where they admit that these people even existed, let alone died. One of my great uncles killed himself before I was born, and if not for all the group photos and my great aunt being a decent human, I wouldn’t have ever known his name. My mom likes to pretend they died in “car accidents” or “heart attacks.”

It made for some real confusion once I got older.

Herjaa

89. Keith Gets It Together Despite the Mom

Keith’s mom. Keith was a 10th grader and I was new to teaching. He was such a pain in the neck. Didn’t do any work. Mouthed off. Got other students distracted. I ended up calling his mom about half a dozen times, asking her to come in and meet with me to talk about the situation.

She never returned my calls. And then one day, out of the blue, she showed up to talk to me. She didn’t look happy to be there but hey, at least she came, right? I thanked her for being there and began to talk about how Keith was doing. She looked around the room while I spoke, and her body language made it very clear she didn’t want to be there.

After a few minutes, she interrupted me, looking straight at me for the first time. “Look,” she said. “I gave up on that kid a long time ago. You want to try to do something with him, you go ahead. I wish you luck.” And then she got up and left. I felt sick. This was her son. He was maybe 15, still a KID, for crying out loud.

In the days that followed, I thought about Keith a lot. In class, I did my best to see him through fresh eyes. I made a point of talking to him more. And at some point, I realized that for all the headaches he caused, I actually liked having him in class. Turns out he was a funny guy. He had a big heart. After a while he even started doing some work. Not a lot, but some.

One day, another kid in class was being really smug and obnoxious. Without warning, Keith punched the kid in the face. He sighed and looked at me. “I’m really sorry. Had to be done. I’ll escort myself down to the office.” I guess that was the last straw for the school, because Keith was sent to an alternative school in the district. A good one, thankfully.

I saw Keith one more time, about a year later. He came to my class, grinning, a report card in hand. All A’s. “I decided it was time to get my $#*! together,” he said, simply. I never saw him again, but I heard he continued to do well. And I’m glad that though others gave up on him, he decided not to give up on himself.

Idleweiss

90. A History of Violence

Used to work with teenagers who had behavior problems in a special school. One day, a student of mine had a disorganization. He started punching staff and students alike while screaming. It took five male teachers to hold him down. The headmaster called his mom, so she could pick him up. She had ten minutes; if longer, we would call the cops.

The mother arrived eight minutes later. A woman in her late forties with bleach blond hair wearing a mini skirt and a crop top. She came in yelling and swearing at her son. She picked him up and smacked him at the back of the head while telling him he was a good for nothing idiot. The apple does not fall far from the tree—from that point on, I understood why this kid was violent and angry all the time. Often, the parent’s behavior is reproduced by the child.

labsie

91. Playing Favorites

My mom cried in the bathroom half the night because I told her to stop feeding the dogs food I was going to eat.

Porchini_Mushroomtip

92. The Proof Is in the Poop

I have an aggressive case of Crohn’s disease that started showing up around the time I was in 8th grade. My mom took me to all of my doctor’s appointments, which were all pretty embarrassing because, as you can surely imagine, no teenage boy in the world wants their mom involved in any of their butt related illnesses.

On one particular visit, we were about half of the way through our appointment when she whipped out a Cool Whip tub. As it turned out, I had used the bathroom the previous night and it apparently didn’t all go down properly. My mom, without my knowledge, happened to have discovered the remaining sample I had left in the toilet, so she thought it would be a good idea to load that thing up in our poor people tupperware and haul it on into the doctor’s office so that he could look it over.

He had the confused “What am I supposed to do with poop in a Cool Whip tub?” face going for a good five to ten seconds, and then he politely dismissed the offer. Who would have thought that there isn’t any medical knowledge to be gained from fishing old poop out of the toilet, refrigerating it overnight, and schlepping it up to an office for a visit.

LetsGetAtEr

93. The Meme Lords Will Know About It

My mother ranting to all and sundry that she was going to get the brand-new Wal-Mart Supercenter in our town shut down because a cashier closed her register as we were walking up. Apparently, she could do this because she “knew people on the internet.” It was 1998. 14-year-old-me was mortified.

scoby-dew

94. Twin Grades

I had a pair of twins in my French class. One was quite bright, not perfect. Say in the B+/A- range. The other not so much. The other twin was failing by a large margin. Parent’s night. As a student teacher, I didn’t have to go. But I figured it was best to keep up appearances. So the twins’ mom comes in and we all talk about the first twins’ grades.

Mainly saying that they do this well, and this, and that they need to work on this to get past the B+. As for the other twin, we list our concerns: they are good at this, but they really struggle with that, blah blah blah. Just your standard feedback that would help both twins do well. However, the mother gave one of the stupidest responses I’d ever heard. Both the teacher and myself were speechless. You’d think her comment was a joke, but she was serious. Dead serious. And I bet it’s not the first time she’s said it.

“But if they’re identical twins, shouldn’t they have the same grade?”

lechuck333

95. In the Garden of Pettiness

I grew up in a smaller town right on the cusp of its big growth boom. We knew our town had finally made it when we got an Olive Garden. We used to eat there 2-3 times a month. My mom and I would always split an entree, and my dad would get his own. We knew the rule: if you’re splitting an entree and you get more than one of the family-style bowls of salad, you’ll get charged an extra $4 for the extra person.

Welllll one day, my dad decides he wanted more salad. Only he wants the additional salad, but the waitress said if she refills the bowl, we’ll be charged the extra $4. Lo and behold, my parents’ threw the biggest tantrum because only HE wanted the additional salad. They demanded to speak to a manager, and the manager explained the rule (which we knew), but offered to comp the extra salad just to get my parents to stop yelling…and they did.

When our bill came, the manager comped my dad’s entree and the additional salad fee. Well, my mom got up. Interrupted the manager while he was talking to other guests, threw the check in his face, and asked, “What’s this?!?!” She was furious that he comped my dad’s meal. He ate the meal, therefore we would like to pay for it.

She wouldn’t stop raising her voice until she was allowed to pay for the meal (but not the salad). The manager was confused but obliged…when they brought the change, the manager slipped a few free appetizer coupons. My mom ripped them up and threw them on the ground as she left. Safe to say, I didn’t eat out with them for at least a month and I still refuse to go to Olive Garden with them.

hidcid

96. After School Troubles

My wife is a teacher and had a kid who kept asking to stay after school. This puts my wife home late but she cares about her job so she kept doing it and tutoring him. Except that she noticed this kid doesn’t really need any help. He did all his homework, did just fine on the tests, and she thought maybe he just had a confidence problem.

So she asks him one day and he said his mom tells him he needs to go. So she tried to boost the kid a bit by saying “You don’t have to come tomorrow. Tell your mom that I said you are doing just fine and should enjoy your off-hours from school. It’s just as important.” Something like that. Then my wife gets called down to the office the next day to discuss this insanely long fire email from the mom to the principal, who said that my wife is actively denying her son a fair chance at learning or some crap.

Well anyway, dig it down and sum it up: Statements back and forth, then the mom starts a fire with another one of his teachers with the same “issue” and the whole cycle began again. They eventually got her to admit that she was trying to keep her son at school because she was physically locking him out of the house until she got home from work.

GetHisWallet

97. Your Lot in the Gene Pool

When I was a kid, my mom was a pretty messed up person, so I have an endless list of stories that I could offer on this subject. The one that comes to mind right now is the time she sent me to go pick up my younger brother from the pool. I, being an active 13-year-old kid, decide to join him and start playing with his friends instead.

I guess she got tired of waiting around for me and decided to come to the pool to check up on us. She showed up and found me in the pool (yes, wearing my regular street clothes, shame on me!) playing Marco Polo with the guys. She yelled my name, took her slipper off, and threw it at my head in front of everyone there.

Then she started calling me names like promiscuous for daring to swim with boys. Every guy there went quiet. I think the silence was one of the most unbearable things about this situation. It still prickles my skin when I think about it. I was so utterly embarrassed that I didn’t know what to do. I vividly remember that walk home, my head down in shame the entire time.

In hindsight, I can’t believe that I actually thought I had done something horribly wrong. I cried myself to sleep. What’s funny is that she didn’t even ask my brother to come back with us. Screw you, Mom! I’m very glad that our relationship is much better now than it was back then, but you still made my childhood a living nightmare, so screw you!

anonymousfemaledog

98. Homework For Dinner

Woman I used to babysit for worked in a school as an assistant or something in Toronto, she always told this story about how the class rabbit would go home with a new kid each weekend. They kept trying to avoid giving one kid the bunny for the weekend because it was clear his home life wasn’t the best. But they finally caved and let him take the rabbit home.

The parents killed the rabbit and ate it. They killed the class bunny and fried it up for dinner. They weren’t even ashamed when they told the teacher what happened on Monday. Said they were out of groceries or something.

I wish I had more details, but I haven’t seen this woman in a few years, so I only remember the basics of the story. This incident happened around 20 or more years ago so I’m not sure about the aftermath. I had almost completely forgotten about it until I saw this thread and was reminded of this. As far as I remember, the family was very clearly trashy and irresponsible and that’s why the school didn’t want that kid to take the animal for the weekend.

obtusefailure

99. Ready, Aim, Fire

The number of cashiers who my father demanded the manager fire because they were too slow, rang us up wrong, etc., including one they actually did. I’ll never forget that girl taking her Home Depot apron off and walking away sobbing. To his credit (I guess?), my dad seemed surprised that it actually worked. He must have felt at least some level of guilt, and never did it again.

FuzzyElf47

100. Irresponsible Faculty Meeting

One of my favorite moments:

I walk into the school office to check my mailbox. A parent of one of my students sees me and says very loudly, almost screaming, “Oh, FINALLY!!!! LOOK, EVERYONE, I FOUND A TEACHER!!! Do you realize that I left work EARLY to come here after school to talk to my son’s teachers about his report card, and you are LITERALLY the ONLY teacher I have found?!!! I went from classroom to classroom and everyone is GONE!!! Do you know what time it is?!! It’s 3:45 pm! School ended FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO!!! FIFTEEN MINUTES!!!! And you’re the ONLY teacher STILL HERE!!!! CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHY EVERYONE IS GONE?! CAN YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHY EVERY TEACHER HAS LEFT THE BUILDING WHEN SCHOOL JUST GOT OUT?!!!!”

I paused, waiting to see if there was more. When I realized he had finished, I said, “All the teachers are in the library. We’re having a faculty meeting.” The look on his face was priceless. He knew he was in the wrong, but by that point, he had committed so fiercely to his anger and righteousness that he couldn’t just apologize. So he said, “Well that’s just irresponsible.” And he walked out of the office.

woolyboy76

101. Don’t Stop Believing

My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection. Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Pissed, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree and twisted in the wrong direction!

Even more pissed, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up. Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket, and was shocked when my dad turned up in court,

He calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.

PatientBear1

102. Family Values

My mother is a terrible person. And I don’t say that lightly. She has stolen medication from me after I had oral surgery. On two occasions (a decade apart from each other), she stole my identity and my sibling’s, opened several fraudulent credit card accounts in our names, maxed them out (tens of thousands of dollars), and never made a single payment.

She tells people that she’s a nurse when she barely even finished high school. She also often makes up extravagant and potentially damaging lies, all of which she believes she’ll never be caught for. Yes, she’s a terrible person, but my dad isn’t—so when my now-adult daughter was an adolescent, my mother was allowed to spend time with her.

A few years ago, I’d lost my job, was having trouble finding employment, and had to trade in my sports car for a Sedan so that I could drive rideshare to make ends meet. My mother told my daughter and several relatives that my car had been repossessed for nonpayment. It was upsetting, but I knew just what I had to do.

I took great satisfaction in clearing by name by showing the dealership papers to my daughter, my relatives, and yes, the shrewish, lying old jerk herself as well. The aftermath was both hilarious and sad, as she tends to have a vile temper.

Permalink

103. Can’t Put a Price on Education

On September 14th, 1986, my dad dropped me off at boarding school and gave me a five-dollar bill. I never heard from him again. He never paid my tuition bill. So, from the age of 14, I took every job I could get and worked my way through. At $4 an hour, I didn’t even come close to paying off my entire bill, but the school let me stick around because I was a model student in and out of the classroom.

We get to graduation. I opened my little diploma thing expecting to see a bill in five figures. Instead there was a note: “Congratulations on your graduation. A group of us who believe in you and love you have taken care of your bill. We are proud to present you with your diploma.” I later found out that one of my friend’s dad, a fairly well-off dentist, went fundraising among his golf buddies because he didn’t want to see me enter life at 18 under crushing debt.

stupidlyugly

Sources1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6


Factinate Featured Logo Featured Article
When Edward VIII’s baby brother Prince John died of severe seizure at only 13 years old, Edward’s response was so disturbing it’s impossible to forget.
43 Scandalous Facts About Edward VIII, The King Who Lost His Crown 43 Scandalous Facts About Edward VIII, The King Who Lost His Crown “I wanted to be an up-to-date king. But I didn't have much time.”—King Edward VIII. For such a short-reigning king, Edward VIII left behind no shortage of controversy. First, there was the scandalous womanizing of…
Factinate Featured Logo Featured Article
The average person doesn't even get 50% correct. I guess it's hard to be smarter than an 8th grader...
Quiz: Are You Smarter Than An Eighth-Grader? Quiz: Are You Smarter Than An Eighth-Grader?
Factinate Featured Logo Featured Article
I had an imaginary friend named Charlie. My parents asked what he looked like, and I always replied “a little man.” When we moved away, Charlie didn't come with us. My mom asked where he was, and I told her that he was going to be a mannequin at Sears—but that wasn’t even the most disturbing part. The years passed by and I’d forgotten my imaginary friend, but when someone told me a story about my old house, I was chilled to the bone.
People Describe Creepy Imaginary Friends from Their Childhood People Describe Creepy Imaginary Friends from Their Childhood “I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend—I didn't bother with him.”—George Carlin. Many adults had imaginary friends as children. At their best, these make-believe buddies were cute, helpful, and whimsical…
Factinate Featured Logo Featured Article
The average person only gets 10 right. You muggles don't stand a chance...
Quiz: How Much Do You Really Know About Harry Potter? Quiz: How Much Do You Really Know About Harry Potter?


Dear reader,

Want to tell us to write facts on a topic? We’re always looking for your input! Please reach out to us to let us know what you’re interested in reading. Your suggestions can be as general or specific as you like, from “Life” to “Compact Cars and Trucks” to “A Subspecies of Capybara Called Hydrochoerus Isthmius.” We’ll get our writers on it because we want to create articles on the topics you’re interested in. Please submit feedback to contribute@factinate.com. Thanks for your time!

Do you question the accuracy of a fact you just read? At Factinate, we’re dedicated to getting things right. Our credibility is the turbo-charged engine of our success. We want our readers to trust us. Our editors are instructed to fact check thoroughly, including finding at least three references for each fact. However, despite our best efforts, we sometimes miss the mark. When we do, we depend on our loyal, helpful readers to point out how we can do better. Please let us know if a fact we’ve published is inaccurate (or even if you just suspect it’s inaccurate) by reaching out to us at contribute@factinate.com. Thanks for your help!

Warmest regards,

The Factinate team