Health is nothing to be taken for granted. Without being healthy, not much in life can really be possible for very long—and that includes our mental and emotional health as much as anything else. Here are 42 stories of the moments that finally led people to make the tough but necessary decision to seek help for the mental and emotional issues with which they had been struggling.
1. A+ For Action
I realized that I needed help when I failed a class for the first time, purely as a result of my panic attacks. For most of the year, I had fantastic grades on all of the assignments and tests—but then I had to do a surgical practicum worth 50% of my grade, and I failed it twice due to panic attacks during my prep. I realized at that point that this probably wasn’t normal and that I could not go on like this.
2. Routine Is in the Eye of the Beholder
I knew that something was seriously wrong and that I needed help when even the most simple, routine tasks became too overwhelming for me to handle. This included things like cleaning up, returning my calls and texts. At one point, virtually everything beyond lying in bed became a struggle. That was the turning point for me.
3. Correcting Your Work/Life Balance
I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. I’ve been on medication for about seven years, so I probably wouldn’t meet the criteria for those diagnoses now. I finally admitted that I needed to do something about my anxiety when literally everything I did was because of my anxiety in some way. Everything I did revolved around whether or not I would be able to leave a situation if my anxiety got too bad.
I finally made an appointment with a psychiatrist because it was getting to the point where I would cry myself to sleep every night. I was just so afraid of going to work the next day and couldn’t think of anything but this. Even on Friday nights with the whole weekend ahead of me, all I could think about was having to go to work on Monday and feeling like there was just no way I was going to be able to make it through the whole five days in a row of work the following week. Getting on medication was the best decision I ever made.
4. Don’t Get Around Much Anymore
I knew that something was seriously wrong and that I needed help when I realized that I hadn’t left my house in over two weeks or messaged back any of my friends for several months. I’m currently looking for a good therapist and hoping for the best.
5. Unintended Hibernation
I knew that something was wrong and that I needed help when I realized that it was February 22nd and the last time I had left my house was Christmas Day. People, get help if you need it. You won’t regret it if you do—things can only get better once you make that first effort!
6. Surprised to Find Out
It took a while for me to realize that excessive sweating, heart racing, shortness of breath, and uncontrollable shaking weren’t normal reactions to talking to people. I legitimately thought everyone felt that way. When I realized that they didn’t, I knew I had a serious problem on my hands…
7. Change Can Be Difficult
I realized that I would require some serious help when my mom casually mentioned to me that crying for several hours every single day is not actually normal, healthy behavior. I hid my condition so well that I suffered for over a year crying every day and wishing that I would just get hit by a bus or something.
I also became very reckless and began putting myself in all kinds of unsafe situations. I think it’s because, subconsciously, I didn’t value my own life enough to guard against losing it. I figured that everyone probably had a rough transition from college to the real world and that the daily crying was just a normal, common thing.
8. Range of Emotion
I knew that I needed help when I could hardly move and it took me a full five minutes just to put on an ordinary pair of training shoes. My body was shutting down and my organs were failing. I was full of brain fog and had a lack of energy. Anorexia literally takes everything from you behind your back while telling you that you are doing great. Today, I am doing fine overall, but I still have to face a battle numerous times a day when it comes to eating. To anyone out there who is struggling, keep up the good fight. You’re great and you deserve a better future. Don’t ever forget that!
9. Happy Is a Relative Thing
I knew I needed help when I realized that I had somehow stopped having fun doing anything. Being only slightly sad became my new high point, and I could never get above it. Any happiness that I felt was fleeting, and it just steadily got worse until I couldn’t handle it anymore and decided to seek help.
10. A Change of Heart
I knew that I needed help when I realized I was no longer enjoying the things I had always loved in life, even though I knew I still loved those things.
11. It All Adds Up
In my case, there were a few things that made me start to question whether I was really doing okay. Firstly, I found myself getting strangely excited whenever people would cancel plans. I started constantly making excuses not to go out. Then, to top it off, I started inadvertently fantasizing about what it would be like to not exist. By the time that last one began happening, I knew that it was time to seek help once and for all.
12. Learning the Hard Way
My dad was a Vietnam vet who suffered from PTSD. There was a rule in my house that if I ever had to wake him up while he was sleeping, I was to do so only by wiggling his big toe. This was because his mom once tried to wake him up and he instinctively jumped up and clocked her right in the face. That moment changed everything for my family, and my dad did everything he could to avoid another incident like that for the rest of his life. I hope all struggling veterans will reach out for help like he did, it can truly make a big difference.
13. Future Plans
I knew that something was seriously wrong when the thought of being alive past 20 years old began to seem unrealistic to me. I immediately tried to reach out for help when I realized that I felt this way.
14. The Power of Positive Thinking
For me, I hit my absolute rock bottom and decided that literally nothing in life really matters. However, as a result of that thought process, I then found my way to the idea that if nothing really matters, but there are things that do matter to us, then we get each to choose what to make matter in our own lives as individuals. That was the moment that changed my life, and I became determined to find my way out of my mental struggles and make my life matter.
I started deciding one by one which things mattered to me, and I then devoted time and energy to focusing on each one. My health. My hobbies and talents. The people in my life who cared about me.
Then, after a while, the only things in my life that I was spending any time on were the things that truly mattered to me. I slowly started feeling much happier and more fulfilled. I’m now barely making any money as a full-time artist, but I am happier than ever because I find so much pride in my art and in the things I create. When people around me choose to be negative about my life choices, I just think to myself “Thank God I don’t waste my energy on thinking like that anymore! That would just make me miserable!”
Find positivity. Seek it out and build your life around it. Also, don’t be afraid to see a doctor and be medicated appropriately if you need to. Find the focus you need to discover purpose and meaning in the menial clatter of life.
15. Step One: Acknowledging the Truth
For whatever reason, I just never wanted to admit to myself that I was depressed, even though I clearly was. It was only once I began to do more research on the topic and started learning about what depression actually is that I eventually become comfortable enough to admit that I had a problem and to seek professional help to address it.
16. Adding Help To Your Cart
I knew I needed help when I couldn’t even go to the grocery store anymore without a panic attack first. If something as normal and routine as getting groceries is triggering you to experience that much anxiety, something isn’t right.
17. Making Small Talk
I realized that I needed help when the people around me started confronting me about some of the crazy things that I had been saying to them. In particular, I had casually mentioned my thoughts about committing suicide to a friend in passing. I thought that it was perfectly normal to think about that 5 to 10 times a day, as long as you never got around to actually doing it. Let’s just say that it raised some red flags…
18. The Future You
Before I turned 30 years old, I never thought that I was going to reach that age and still be alive. I don’t know why, but I just had this deeply ingrained feeling that I would die young and so I always believed it would come true and acted accordingly. After I turned 30, I realized that I was going to probably live a lot longer and that I wasn’t prepared for anything. Thinking that something is bound to happen and that you’ll probably die young is the same kind of nonsensical logic as thinking that you’ll never die at all. One way or the other, it means that you’re living without a future plan because you think that your time doesn’t matter.
Turning 30 finally flipped the switch for me. It was the biggest wake-up call I’ve ever had in my life so far. It totally and fundamentally changed the way that I approach myself and my relationships—not to mention my newfound career. You don’t have to accept any aspect of your future as a guaranteed thing, but you do have to accept the fact that you will have one. Therefore, the only way to change your future into something worthwhile is to start working on your now—and there’s no time like the present to begin that process.
19. Crying Yourself to Sleep
I knew I needed help when I was lying awake in bed one night and, all of a sudden, I was hit by this powerful internal feeling of overwhelming sadness and I just hated myself for being such a huge disappointment. That’s when I realized that I was depressed. I had never felt that much sadness or hated myself that much in my entire life, and unfortunately, I’ve felt that way practically every day for almost four years now.
20. Working Hard
I knew that my situation was serious enough to warrant getting help when I began constantly causing problems at work as a result of my mental health issues. I even got fired from one job. I got suspended from another. My symptoms were very consistent with anxiety and bipolar disorder. Eventually, I became stable enough to be mostly normal again. The Americans With Disabilities Act kept me from getting fired again after that. It also gives me some slack when things go wrong mentally.
21. The Clock is Ticking
I went through a period where I just felt absolutely nothing. It got to the point where I actually started wondering if I was some kind of sociopath. I always thought that depression meant sadness, not just nothingness. I was barely functioning as a person. I was essentially a zombie on the inside. This went on for about a year or two while I was in my junior and senior years of high school. I had a bad home life and it just bled over into everything.
I used to constantly look out the window and fantasize about jumping out, just to get away from the stress—even though I knew I did not actually want to die. It was only when the realization finally hit me that I was pretty much wasting full years of my life by staying in this mental state that I finally decided to seek help.
22. Hoping For the Worst
I knew I needed help when started to become comfortable with dying. There were times when I went to sleep with the hope of never waking up, or when I would drive to work hoping that a car would swerve into me. I didn’t want to cause it myself, but I wanted out so badly. It took a long time for me to sense some light at the end of the dark tunnel again, but thankfully I eventually did and I’ve held onto it ever since.
23. Just Give Me a Reason
I first admitted to myself that something was different about me when I noticed that I behaved in ways that were very different from the other kids around me, and I couldn’t really explain why. For example, I kept trying to label all of the kids in my classes into different groups (such as nerds, idiots, popular ones, etc.) and getting them to go along with it, even when they didn’t want to.
This was especially odd considering that I was only 8 years old at the time, and there was no logical reason why I should be viewing my classmates these ways—let alone caring how they felt about it. Then it suddenly clicked. I started noticing all of the other things that I did differently. From walking to talking to understanding to the fact I got anxious over stupid little things. I finally decided to try and seek help from a trusted adult to find out why I was so different. I was subsequently diagnosed with Aspergers, and I’m much happier now that I know there is a legitimate reason for the things that were bothering me.
24. Seeing Yourself in Others
I knew a lot of depressed people on the internet and I would often talk to them. Eventually, I realized that I was experiencing many of the same exact feelings that they were always describing. That was when I determined that my problems were in fact real enough to justify seeking help.
25. Something Was Wrong, Even If You Didn’t Know It
The question here was when did you realize that something was wrong and decide to seek help. My answer is I didn’t. I made a suicide attempt, and was subsequently committed to a Veterans Affairs Psych Ward involuntarily. I didn’t know what was up with me. I was freezing up. I couldn’t seem to even do easy things at work. I had a good job and a family to support, yet I couldn’t do anything to help them somehow.
Welp, I decided at least I ought to be able to kill myself. I mean, I had killed other people in the military, so how hard could it be? If I was useless and broken, I might as well just get out of the way, right? It made sense in my mind and it even seemed like the honorable thing to do. Aaand I couldn’t do it. I just sat there loading and unloading and reloading the gun over and over and over again. I was gobstopped. It wasn’t fair! How could I get to the point where I couldn’t tend to business—any business? I can’t even check out?
I had been a lawyer and had always projected a pretty together persona. I had been doing that for over two years while I augered in. I don’t remember much about being driven to a nearby city and checked into the VA, but evidently, my persona was still on-duty, even in the psych ward. I declined meds—I didn’t want a “happy” pill (For the record, just take your meds when they give ’em to you, people! For God’s sake!). They had stripped me down to pale blue pajamas, a garishly-striped bathrobe, and plastic slippers.
That was a hell of a persona I had developed—it played on, even when they dressed me up like a loony. I was numb and out of it, but I guess no one could tell. The staff left me alone and acted like I was just faking something to be there. But they put me through a battery of tests anyway, including an MMPI (Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory). It was full of tricky questions which were asked in three or four different ways. My persona could take tests, too—I was trained in high school to be “test wise.” The fact that I had no trouble with the MMPI just made the staff more suspicious of me.
Finally, I met the chief psychologist. She was pretty straightforward about it. “You know, when you came in, you didn’t look suicidal. You didn’t act that way. A lot of staff thought that you were faking it.” Yeah, I was faking competence, Doc. I had a lot of practice. Just let me go, I thought to myself, and I’ll get it right this time. Sorry to be a bother.
Then she went on, “But I’ve been going through your MMPI results, and brother, you are deeply depressed. I’ve never even seen results like this.” She may have said more, but I wasn’t listening. Something was wrong? Something was WRONG! It wasn’t just me being weak and stupid! SOMETHING WAS WRONG!!!
I have never—before or since—felt such relief! If something was wrong, then maybe they could fix it! Holy cow! I had sentenced myself to death. Not yet. It was like a last-minute reprieve from the Governor. Gotta see if we can fix this. I’d love to be able to just simply tell you that they fixed it, but the situation is WAY more complicated than that.
Nevertheless, they successfully got to the bottom of what had been causing all of these issues for me. I hadn’t even let myself imagine that something fixable might be wrong. I had just assumed myself to be a worthless piece of garbage and assumed that the best thing I could do about it for my family and everyone else was to remove myself. Something was wrong. The test showed it. And it was the best news I ever got in my life.
26. No Laughing Matter
The moment I really knew that something was up with me was when I was getting ready for work one day and I just burst out into tears in the process. I couldn’t even step out of the front door. I just sat in the corner of my bedroom and cried, it was a full-on breakdown. It came totally out of nowhere and really knocked me on my behind. Literally. That was when I realized that I could not get my life back under control without seeking help.
27. Overcoming False Assumptions
I grew up around other troubled kids and, without ever giving it much thought, I automatically subscribed to their “psych meds rob you of your personality and turn you into a zombie” rhetoric. Then, in my late 20s, I started having panic attacks after my divorce. Let me tell you, panic attacks are not something you should ever want to experience.
Imagine the unshakeable feeling that you’re falling directly off a cliff, for a good hour or so. Having that experience and realizing that modern pharmaceuticals can instantly put a stop to that feeling changed my opinion on the psychiatric industry. I began to take medication and then got off of it when things eventually evened out. I can now confirm that I was never a zombie, nor did I feel like I was suddenly more “awake” when I got off of it. I just no longer felt like I was dying once or twice a day.
28. Seeing the Bright Side of Hardship
I knew that I was in serious need of help when I started carving symbols into my own skin to appease the people in my walls. I just sort of stopped and went “You know what, even for me, this is kinda messed up.” There were other signs that I know I should have responded to, but it wasn’t until I was cutting X’s into my skin because the voices told me to that I realized that something was terribly wrong with me.
One of the things that I have appreciated the most about this otherwise awful experience I’ve been through has been the outpouring of support I’ve received from caring strangers on the internet. When they want to be, people can truly be so kind. Really, you don’t understand what this show of kindness means to me.
I’m so used to telling people about my problems and having them just push themselves away from me as soon as they hear. I understand their reactions. No one wants a crazy lady babbling into their ear, right? But either way, to have so many people listening and trying to understand what I’m saying, I just can’t even begin to express how much it means to me.
I’ve taken some of these folks’ suggestions into account. Perhaps I should go back to my therapist, no matter how frightening the prospect of that may seem. Maybe I should look into writing again. It certainly helped me before and I would be lying if I said that typing all of this out hasn’t already taken a huge load off of my shoulders. So, thank you to anyone who has gone out of their way to try and help a stranger in need, whether it was online or in person. It means the world to people like me.
29. The Light At the End of the Tunnel
I knew that something was wrong when I started to literally feel absolutely nothing anymore. I almost left my partner of two years at the time because I felt that it was terribly unfair for him to have to be with someone who never wanted to be touched, didn’t want to have sex anymore, and didn’t feel anything but constant anger and sadness on the inside.
I had panic attacks so bad that I couldn’t stand to be alone with him and I didn’t know why. I would cry, yell, panic, and throw up out of the blue. I had no idea what to do. He helped me through it all and I can’t believe how strong he was for me. I still struggle at times, but we have now been together for over four and a half years and we are married with a baby on the way. It gets better. It really does. You just have to get through the dark part to see the light in it all. Life comes around eventually.
30. Skin in the Game
The moment it hit me that I had a problem was when I wanted to peel my own skin off. Like with a knife. I was just grossed out every time I saw myself. I went and got help. I’m much better now.
31. With Friends Like These, Who Needs Enemies?
I knew I needed help when I discovered that, all along, I didn’t know that my “friends” had actually hated me. I came to realize this the hard way, when they pushed me in a ditch and left me there for the night. I’m bad at picking up social cues, so I often can’t tell if a person likes me or hates me until he tells me flat out. After my father died, there was no one around to educate me on such things and after three long and difficult years of dealing with these kinds of problems, a psychologist told me that I might be autistic and have Asperger’s syndrome.
32. Flattened Emotions
The moment that I realized I needed help was when it hit me that my emotions had become so flat that I couldn’t even get properly angry anymore when something bad happened to me. I’d like to say that I “got help immediately” and that I lived happily ever after from that point on, but I didn’t. I stewed on it for a while and made some minor changes to my life, which helped. And just understanding that there was a problem in the first place was a big step.
It gave me something tangible to grasp. Eventually, I ended up giving my brain chemistry a good, solid kick one day a couple years back. Things have been trending mostly upwards since then. I still have bad days every now and then, but I’ve never fallen back into the hole that I was existing in at the time. And for that, I’m thankful.
33. No One Wants to Be Alone
I’m 31 years old. My mom died of cancer a few months ago at the age of 58. The only family I’ve got left now are my grandparents (her parents), who are 82 and 85 respectively. They are in good health for their age, but I know I’ll be alone sooner rather than later. I haven’t been on a date in a decade.
I work from home and have a ton of medical issues, so I don’t get out or do much. I am now seeking help in dealing with the realization that once my grandparents are gone, I don’t think there will be much left for me here. I really hope that something out there can make me feel better again and change my perspective on all of this.
34. Asking the Right Questions
It took me a long, long time to realize that my emotional situation was not normal and that I needed to do something about it.
I was 13 when I spoke up about a family member raping me. I only spoke of a couple of instances. Nobody knew that it had been going on for much longer and was much worse than I made it out to be. They put me in a state-funded “therapy” program, but it was more of a “Where on the doll did he touch you?” type of thing than anything helpful. When it came to the actual trial, I chickened out of it. I became a blubbering mess because I was so terrified of this guy, and I was so terrified of speaking out against him against that side of the family’s wishes.
Then, after the court session was over and he got sent to jail for a few months, I had no idea what to do with myself. I tried moving on, but I kind of always felt different than others from then on. I took things too personally, certain things would set me off, I would break down into tears easily, and I reacted to things differently than most of the people I knew. I just coped with it for the most part, but the reactions grew worse and worse over time.
It wasn’t until I was 22 years old that I finally realized I didn’t have to live like this just because of something that I never chose, and I decided to go see a therapist. I started describing what I had been going through to them—being afraid of everything, worrying too much about how other people felt about me, worrying that I might offend them, not sleeping due to nightmares, having full-on panic attacks when subjected to certain stimuli. I would go out in public and instantly start looking for the exits and for places to hide, just in case. I would snowball “what ifs” in my mind until I had an elevated heart rate and tears running down my face.
After a few sessions, the therapist asked if I was a victim of childhood abuse or rape. I was shocked when she came to that conclusion because I had never mentioned it in any of our sessions. I said yes. She said that I had several anxiety disorders, including PTSD and a phobia. She described my “snowballing” as being an anxiety attack. The hyperventilation? Anxiety. The breaking down in tears over certain things? Anxiety. The constant worrying? Anxiety.
Now that I had a diagnosis, it was my job to start determining what caused me to have these issues. I’m 34 now and, whenever I feel an episode coming on, I have to take a step back and remind myself “Why do you feel this way? What is causing you to feel this way? Is the situation avoidable or should you just suck it up and do it anyway? What is the best that could come from continuing with this situation (not the worst)?” Then, if I start overloading my mind with all these questions, I become fully focused on that instead of on the thought processes that lead me to bad reactions.
35. Teacher’s Pet
My eating disorder started back in high school. It had been pretty bad for a while. Eventually, my friends got concerned enough to talk to a teacher, who talked to the school counselor, who called my mom. I knew it was bad logically. I knew that passing out wasn’t normal and that I wasn’t supposed to be feeling cold all the time. But I’d kind of accepted all of that as part of my life.
One day, I got called out of class to go talk to the school counselor, and she told me she was going to call my mom. I broke down. I cried in the office for over an hour. Eventually, I went back to classes. At the end of the day, I went back to talk to the teacher whose class I’d been called out of to see if there was an assignment I had missed.
I had known this teacher for years and he could see that I was clearly upset. He asked me what was wrong and I said that it was nothing. This went back and forth until I finally told him, in tears, that I hadn’t been eating and that the counselor had called my mom in. I said I was scared. He asked what I was scared of. Was I scared that my mom would be mad?
I told him, between sobs, that of course, I didn’t think my mom would be mad (just worried). I was scared that I was going to have to eat. The horrified look on his face in response to that comment of mine was a humongous wake-up call for me. He told me that if I was this upset and scared about having to eat then he’s glad my mom was called. When I said it, I hadn’t realized how crazy it would sound to most people.
36. Thinking of the End
It finally hit me that my mind was not in a healthy place and that I needed help right away when I found myself nonchalantly fantasizing about what I would want to put down in my inevitable suicide note. That is not a thought process anyone should ever have to have, and if you find yourself in that situation please seek help like I did. It will 100% be worth it.
37. Constant Sorrow
The moment that hit things home for me just took place. Last night, I was lying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling until 4 AM. The entire time, my heart was pounding as if I had just run a marathon. Then, this morning, it took me multiple hours to get out of bed. The thought of moving myself off of the bed made me feel the most oppressive fear I have ever felt in my life.
It was even more terrifying than it sounds, because I had no idea why this reaction was happening. I’ve been on deployments and was a boxer for most of my life. Still, the thought of merely getting out of my bed was just utterly terrifying to me. And this was all over some pretty insignificant stuff. Every single day that has gone by over the past few years, this emotional anguish has just seemed to have gotten worse, and nothing I’ve tried has helped it much at all.
Just the feeling of not having control over myself and my own life is so defeating. Looking back, it’s easy to see why I flunked so many college classes and destroyed so many relationships, back in the day. I realize now that I can’t go on like this, and I seriously need some kind of help as soon as possible. I just want this trauma to end, but I have no idea how.
38. From Insults to Answers
I got fired from a job with an off the cuff “What are you, autistic or something?” comment thrown at me on my way out. So I decided to see a doctor. It turns out I was. Now, to be clear, I wasn’t fired because I was autistic—that would have been horrible. I was fired because I was doing a lousy job. Nevertheless, it was this rude comment that got me thinking and eventually led me to look into what was causing all of my challenges in a more serious way. It was definitely the moment I admitted to myself that there was something more to my situation than just being an ineffective worker.
39. The Second Battlefield
Veteran here with complex PTSD. I realized that I needed to seek help when my kids woke me up from the bedroom doorway rather than actually coming into my room, because they were scared to get too close to me in case I would lash out. I would also catch them looking at my eyes all the time and I asked my wife why they were doing so. She said that they were doing it to see if it was safe to talk to me or not—and if they thought it wasn’t, they would just leave the room.
I would overhear them planning the family holidays or day trips from the next room, and they would be discussing where I would be comfortable, where I couldn’t go because it would be too crowded, where it would be too noisy, etc. Those smart-aleck kids knew I was in trouble way before I did, and seeing the impact that my problem was having on my family prompted me to start doing everything within my power to put an end to it.
40. False Alarm, Real Warning Bell
I have recently recovered from anorexia. I never realized how serious the condition actually was until I was rushed to the hospital with a suspected heart attack at only twelve years old. Luckily, it was a false alarm that time—but if I had carried on in the same way I had been living, I definitely would have had a real one at some point.
Thankfully, the whole experience made me force myself to start eating again with the help of therapy and my family, which was really difficult but 100% worth it in the long run. Today, a few years later, I’m happy to say I’m doing pretty well. As scary as the whole hospital experience was, I’m glad that it happened and I’m happy to finally have my life back because of it.
41. This Is No Game
I had been anticipating the release of the game Kingdom Hearts 3 for as long as I can remember. I love video games, and I knew I’d love playing this game unconditionally. However, when I finally bought it and brought it home, I just stared at the box for like two minutes, then put it down untouched. I don’t know why I reacted to it that way. It was such a weird feeling.
It’s like not wanting to leave your house for a social thing, even though you know you’ll have fun once you’re there. But instead, in my case, it was my own hobby that I had chosen for myself, and no one was holding me to it or anything like that. I just couldn’t get into it, and all I could think about was my depression and lack of interest in anything. At that point, my brain just went something like “Wtf, me???” and I knew I that I needed to seek some serious help.
42. A Long, Long Time Ago
For me, the moment I first realized that something was wrong with me was way back in first grade. It was recess, and I had seen a kid from my class off by himself. I knew that he usually ran around and played all the time, so I went over and asked him if something was wrong. I found out that his grandmother had just passed away the day before, and we talked for a little until he felt somewhat better and went back to play with the others. But I stayed off alone. While talking to him, I realized that I was sad too. Not just sad, but deeply sad. And I couldn’t remember when it had started. I didn’t know how to make it go away, either.