If there’s one thing men aren’t told enough it’s that it’s okay to cry. The harmful stereotype that men need to be tough and show no emotion persists to this day and causes a lot of pain and suffering for too many men. Everybody gets emotional, and everybody needs to let those emotions out sooner rather than later. The men below came to Reddit to let some of these emotions free, and talk about the last time they cried. Their stories range from heartbreaking to beautiful. Whether they cried tears of joy or tears of sadness, they let their emotions show and left with a better understanding of what it means to let it all out. Here are 50 stories of the last time men cried.
1. Flying Away
My marriage was on the verge of collapse when my ex-wife got a job offer in another state. She had been unemployed for some time so she had to take the job. We decided I should stay behind since I had a steady job and divorce was inevitable. My wife moved out and the kids stayed with me until she got a home in her new city.
Taking my kids to the airport and putting them on a plane to move away from me was soul-crushing. I held it together until they boarded. Once they got on the plane, I lost my mind. My kids only lasted a few months with mom before packing up and moving back to live with me.
2. Brotherly Bonds
My brother went back to prison a few months ago after violating parole. When he called me, he said, “I’m sorry I let you down.” I was doing all right until someone asked me what was wrong and then the tears just started.
3. Ice Cream for Life
It was last Sunday. My wife has had a sudden onset of insomnia and anxiety since Christmas, which has started to trigger panic attacks. She had one while I was at work and called me. My son answered the phone—and his reaction was extraordinary. I was sobbing listening to my six-year-old talk her through the breathing exercises we had practiced.
That kid gets ice cream for life, no questions asked. And I might go cry again.
4. Congrats, Friend
A few weeks ago, when one of my best friends told me he’s going to be a dad. I can go for months and months without shedding a single tear, but this news got me really emotional, in the best sense of the word. This has been an eye-opening experience for me, as I had no idea I was capable of feeling such things.
5. Kids Say the Darndest Things
I was tucking in my seven-year-old daughter a couple of months ago, and she told me that she was worried about me dying before her. I’m only 42 and healthy. So I had a conversation about how old I am likely to live and that she will be an adult when I pass on. Then she said, “But when you do die will you help me, because I need you so much.” I lost it.
It was almost a year ago. My girlfriend, who I was madly in love with and had moved my entire life for her, stuck with her and helped without saying a word when she was clinically depressed, broke up with me. While I stood looking at her and started to feel tears in my eyes, she called me “pathetic.” Then she gave me a week to move back to my old town, sort out a new job, etc.
But that wasn’t the worst part. She started dating before I had even moved out. That definitely made me cry a fair bit.
7. Puppy Love Til the End
I’ve teared up a few times, but last time I legitimately cried was in 2010 when we put my childhood dog down. I was a senior in high school, we had him since I was in first grade in 1998. He was my first and only childhood dog, a Siberian husky, and I feel like we grew up in that house together. He had some cancerous tumor in his stomach that was spreading rather quickly, and the attempt at removing didn’t go so well as they couldn’t get it all.
We decided as a family to let him go peacefully so he didn’t have to suffer, as they promised us it would continue to grow and possibly cause him severe pain in the near future. I’ll never forget holding him in my arms in that room as the vet asked me if I was ready for the moment. When she injected him I felt his entire body sink into my arms, he was lifeless in an instant.
I was so happy he went peacefully without pain, my best friend growing up. I’ve never expressed my emotions from that moment to anyone besides my parents and my current girlfriend. Whenever I think back to that moment I get teary-eyed but I’m happy I was there for him in his final moments, I wouldn’t change a thing if I could go back in time.
Please try and be there for your pet if you ever have to make such a decision.
8. Honey Vs. Vinegar
It was a month ago. I was yelling at my kids because they were misbehaving and I put them to bed early. I broke down afterward and cried on the stairs. I knew I didn’t have to yell as much as I did, and that I’d said some unnecessary things. My wife talked with me on the stairs.
It ended up being a turning point in my life, and I’m doing much better with the discipline.
9. Across the Universe
My best friend growing up passed on in a foreign country whilst on holiday. I hadn’t seen him for a week, and only days before—the last time I communicated with him—did we decide to meet up and watch a film. We never did see that film. I felt so helpless. There he was, miles away from me, and I didn’t even get to say goodbye properly.
10. Just Drive
I took a small getaway trip, about an eight-hour drive away, a few weeks back. It was due to stress. I played all of the songs I shouldn’t play on the drive up and let myself unwind in the car and get all of that stuff out. Job stress, feelings toward my ex, the whole gamut. It did me well. Life can be hard. Make time to find the gentle solitude you need.
We’ll all make it through this in time. Slowly, but surely.
11. Smoke Through It
Last week, when I was randomly scrolling Reddit and saw that video of the guy giving bad CPR to the dog. Some commenter below it mentioned the statistics of surviving CPR and it brought back some heavy memories for me. I was a tour guide for an adventure travel company and had a client collapse on tour. I gave CPR until the paramedics arrived.
He didn’t make it, and I had to console his daughter who was also on the tour. I think I self-medicated with daily weed usage for years afterward, and I’ve recently quit toking. Somehow, that innocuous comment set off a pathway in my brain that brought the emotional weight of the event come flooding back. I remembered the blank stare and the guttural sounds and the wail of his daughter when the paramedics tried and failed to revive him.
I burst into tears in my office cubicle and went to the bathroom to have a silent cry. It didn’t occur to me that I had never properly processed this event until I was off weed.
12. Friggin’ Facebook
Watching that video that pops up on Facebook now and then about the man who rescued about 100 kids before they got taken to concentration camps. His wife found his journal with all the kids’ names, sent it to the BBC, and they all surprise him on a TV show. It gets me every time.
13. That and the Dog Episode
Futurama, season 4 episode 5, “Leela’s Homeworld.” The montage scene where they show how Leela’s parents secretly helped her live a normal life. Really shows they cared by trying their hardest to ensure that she didn’t feel like a freak.
14. Just Do It!
I’ve been depressed for a while now and being overweight makes it worse. Three days ago I did my first workout and teared up because that was the time I knew I could pull through and do this. Although it’s a bit hard on me, I’m loving the challenge and I already feel happier than I’ve felt the past recent years.
15. Tears of Joy
It was actually about five minutes ago. One of my nephews is currently in surgery for something his doctors have never seen in a kid his age before. I just got news from my sister that best-case scenario has happened, and they were able to take care of things—he should be out of the OR in half the time as was expected. So, yeah. Crying in relief at my desk at work.
I’m going up to see him in a couple of days. It’s hard to explain what it means to have kids like him in your life.
16. Frustrated & Sleepless
I cried out of frustration a couple of years ago when I broke my right wrist. I had to wait a week after the break for the swelling to go down enough for the surgery. So, I was on all sorts of painkillers. They dulled the pain, but not the frustration of not being able to lay comfortably. My wrist only had two positions that it could be laid that didn’t hurt through the painkillers.
I couldn’t sleep in either position.
17. It’s Happening!
I cried last week at our first ultrasound. My wife and I have had two miscarriages and we had an appointment and saw the heartbeat. This little peanut has stuck around the longest so far. Fingers crossed.
18. Ignorance is Bliss
A while back, my wife told me about a co-worker whose child has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Despite my unwillingness to watch, she later showed me a video of the kid doing something that highlighted their regression. Maybe a week or so ago I was showering and became overwhelmed by the grief that this poor kid’s parents must be enduring.
To have a child—to love it with everything that you have—and to then have to watch them slowly reverse track and slip away must be just horrible. Wondering at each moment whether whatever the kid is doing will be their last time. Constantly worrying that every change is another heartbreaking step towards the inevitable.
Watching their child suffer and wanting their pain to end—but desperately wanting to hold on just a little longer. It’s just absolutely horrible and life isn’t fair. So, I cried in the shower thinking about that poor kid and their poor parents, wishing that my wife had just listened to me and not shown me that stupid video. And naturally, I can’t write this without tearing up.
19. Being a Crier
I’m more emotional than your standard guy. I’ll tear up fairly frequently, even at movies and the like. Usually with things involving the loss of parents. Last time I would say I actually cried-cried was when I decided it was time to go to a therapist and in the initial meeting was just offloading all the reasons I decided to come and why I thought I might have a touch of depression. I’m doing much better now.
Last time I straight out ugly-cried/sobbed was when they put my mother’s casket into the vault at the mausoleum, almost five years ago now, while hugging the life out of my brother.
20. The Power of Music
This is going to sound lame but whatever. So, like anyone who was a teenager in the late 90s and early 2000s, I was a huge fan of Linkin Park. Their songs got me through some really hard, really confusing times of my life. So, when I heard about Chester taking his own life, even though I didn’t follow the band as religiously as I used to, it still devastated me.
I had put off listening to their latest album, One More Light, for a number of reasons that I won’t get into now, but I finally got around to it a week or so ago and I was already starting to feel sad all over again—then a song called “Battle Symphony” started playing and it had this phrase in the chorus: “Please just don’t give up on me.” and when I heard that I just started to tear up.
21. One-Way Road
It was over the weekend. I was reaching out to a few different friends to see what they’re up to, but everyone else had pre-existing plans. It hit me hard when I realized that I’m always making an effort to reach out, but I don’t get the same in return. I do a lot of work, and when I try to make plans, there’s always something that comes up or they’re too busy.
22. Just Cry
So, this is gonna sound dumb, but last Thursday. I couldn’t sleep, so I was watching YouTube, and a review for Avengers: Endgame popped into my feed. While watching that review, I decided to watch audience reactions to the Thor’s Hammer scene and the snap scene. Seeing and hearing the joy from those scenes made me lose my mind for some reason.
I’ve done this kind of thing before, especially when I was younger. I’d stay up thinking about what kind of dad my dad would’ve been and cried my eyes out knowing I’d never find out. My mom would tell me that sometimes, people just need to cry. I guess I just needed to cry.
I cried this last weekend. After a night of drinks, a very good friend of mine and I were ending the night at her apartment. We had been chatting for a bit when at one point, she redirected the conversation and began to beam about how she’s proud of the man I’ve become. She talked about my character, how I treat people, and my habits.
She told me there are things I do that she admires. Things that I’ve been doing for years, and that I thought no one noticed. It was a very tender moment and I couldn’t help tearing up. I’ve never had a friend or loved one, other than a relative, say such beautiful things about me. Bless her soul, I don’t know what I would do without her.
To say that she’s an amazing person wouldn’t be enough.
24. The Undying Love of Parents
I had just moved into my apartment after selling the house my ex-wife and I had bought together. I sat there in an empty kitchen with my stuff in boxes, realizing my 64-year-old father and 62-year-old mother helped me move all my stuff without even questioning a single thing and just supported their youngest son when he needed it the most.
After a good old cry session, I sent a text to both of them telling them how much I love and appreciate them.
25. Life is Unfair
Last year I had to carry two of my bullmastiffs to the vet—they were sisters—because one had a thing on her tongue, and figured I’d carry both for a checkup. It was supposed to be a routine visit, but it turned into the worst day of my life. I left the vet without them since they both had cancer and had to be put down, because it was getting worse.
I was with my mother, sister and my wife, who all came along for the ride. Everybody was stunned and in tears, and I tried to brush it off like no big deal and that everything will be fine and that this was for the best. When I dropped everybody home and was finally by myself in the truck, I had to pull over at the next corner to just let it all out.
I cried so hard that driving became impossible, and must have remained parked there for 10 minutes easily. A month after that, at my workplace, I adopted this stray dog who wandered into our site, named him Bruno. He was super playful and the cutest mutt ever. Anytime work got too stressful or my anxiety got the better of me, I’d leave the office and walk out to the car park where he 100% was always there to get my mind off of things.
I have spent 30 minutes almost every day just sitting down and rubbing his tummy. Just the sound of my truck coming down the hill to the office he’d know it was me and prepare his assault on my clean work pants with his dirty paws. The last time we spent together, I was outside giving him his usual tummy rub and love up, and I was called out to make a couple of runs in my truck.
There was a bad thunderstorm that day, and I must have been gone for only 15 minutes when returning to my office site I saw the reddish mane of my buddy Bruno all wet and sodden just lying in the middle of the road lifeless. I told myself it could not be him, no way. I parked my truck in the office and a few of my employees knowing the relationship me and this dog had, told me the bad news.
They saw a car hit him. Being their employer, like the scene with the bullmastiffs, I played it cool and had them go and pick up his body for me, which we buried on site here. Like before, as soon as I was left alone, I collapsed in anguish. I have never cried so hard in my life, and this time I cried for days after as well. Anytime I would pull up to work and begin parking, the fact there was no excited mutt to navigate around just broke me up.
I have lost family members, teammates, and very close friends alike, never cried for them as I did in these two cases.
26. Employee Appreciation
It was towards the end of a soul-crushing McDonald’s shift, getting steady yelled at and basically belittled for being new and inexperienced. A customer saw me busting butt and told me I was doing well. Just the contrast from what it had been caught me off guard.
My friend and gym partner ended his own life and I didn’t know for a whole week. I was texting him daily things like, “Hey man where are you at? Are we lifting today? Did I do something wrong? Why aren’t you replying? Hey man if you don’t respond to this message, I’m calling the authorities for a welfare check.” Then a friend of his found me through a GoFundMe on Facebook.
I cried so hard and loud that I heard my roommate approach my door to knock, he heard me through the door and did a quick about-face to retreat back to his room. Today someone approached me in the gym saying, “Hey man, do you know what happened to Ryan? He was in my class and just stopped showing up one day last semester.”
I went full deer in the headlights before straightforwardly answering, “he died by suicide,” before returning to my workout to avoid the emotions and awkwardness.
Imagine this, life is amazing. Everything is so well. Your dating this girl who you love with everything you got. You’ve been dating this girl for a year and your thinking to yourself, when we are both seniors, I’m going to propose to her and marry her. You remember the first time you kissed, you remember the first time you had dinner. Everything is perfect.
Now, one day, your parents come home early from work. You’re playing Rocket League in preparation of maybe joining an e-sports league one day. Suddenly, your dad starts crying and saying sorry over and over. Mom is doing the same. I ask what’s wrong and they finally say it. “Something happened to your girlfriend. She’s dead.”
Now, come back to reality. That story happened to me. She passed on September 21, 2017. She was 16. My whole world disappeared. The girl I wanted to marry just disappeared before my eyes. The next day, I found out that she had hanged herself. No note, no audio, no call, no 13 tapes. Just gone without saying goodbye. All of this happened to me.
I couldn’t cope with the world for a month. I skipped school and came back after winter break. My only distractions from what had happened and from me wanting to join her in the same way were the game Portal, and music from this record label called Monstercat. I needed to think, so I played more strategy games. Monstercat was a label I listened to so I could imagine another world out there.
The game Life Is Strange helped me the most, because it was almost the same. Even though I let Kate die, the game taught me that whatever I do, each choice will be different. There will be consequences and you will be able to make it through. I still wish I could have saved her, or that I could find out the reasons why she did what she did.
I still have that feeling of ending it, but I always think of the reactions. I’ve talked about her before in other posts, but this is as much as I have revealed.
29. A New Man
Walking into rehab when almost no one knew I was going. 60 days later I’m sober as anything, and going to be a sober dad.
30. Making Mom Proud
My mom has cancer. Stage 4, but apparently there are some pretty good drugs and treatments that don’t make that an immediate life sentence, but still…stage 4. Anyway, after my divorce and losing my job somewhat soon afterward, I had to live off savings. I was eventually able to get a new job, but it’s not in IT like I was told, and it’s just terrible.
I was getting somewhat tired of having to be in tech support, so I’ve been putting in hard work since the beginning of this year on a slight career change into web development. Topping all of this is a long-time fight with depression and anxiety. I know she’s proud of me for fighting and not ending it all, but just the thought of her passing before I can sort of turn my life around and show that I did something really gets to me.
I took initiative, I went after something and made it happen…and the fact that I might not be able to show her just kinda broke something inside of me. I cried for a good 20 minutes. Big ugly sobs.
Just over a year and a half ago, I was writing up a little letter for my just recent ex-girlfriend. We both decided to go our own ways, but I was scared of how she would react, so I wrote a letter to let her know that it was just an honest handful of issues I couldn’t get past and that I would always cherish what we had. Part of the reason I was crying was knowing full well that I care too much sometimes and am constantly taken advantage of.
But there I was, selling my soul up the river to try and give her closure so she wouldn’t do anything reckless.
32. Strangers Helping Strangers
My girlfriend at the time had to leave school earlier that semester due to severe depression and anxiety over the very likely possibility of her having stomach cancer. She got tested for it with an endoscopy and cancer cells were found in her stomach lining. Within a week she was scheduled to have her stomach removed and I was stuck at school, feeling useless.
I tried getting a care package together of foods she wouldn’t be able to eat again or at least not for a pretty long time. When I got to the post office with a line extending out the building and the place closing soon, I tried asking someone for help and the whole situation finally broke me down. I just tried talking through the sobs as I asked for help with mailing the package, as I had never mailed one before.
It was a pretty low point.
33. Taking Work Home
I work the night shift in the ER as an RN. Last night of the workweek—I work seven on with seven off, accumulating 80 hours in that seven days on. Go to bed at 8:00 AM, wife wakes me up at 4:30 PM to shower and be ready for family dinner at 5:00 with my three-year-old and one-year-old daughters. As usual, wife wakes me up with my two daughters.
They’re all really excited to see me. My wife is talking with me, the three-year-old is playfully yelling at me about her toy, and the one-year-old is also loudly babbling. I got overwhelmed and yelled “STOP” pretty abruptly and abrasively. Wife realized I was a grump, and quietly took the kids out, leaving me to myself to finish waking up.
While I work very hard to not be a jerk, I was still disconnected and overall too exhausted to invest in my family the rest of the night before I left at 6:30 PM for my 12-hour shift. Fast forward to work, and the last night was very much like every other night this week. A whole lot of misery just swimming in acute psychosis. Read: crazies screaming and being unsafe to themselves and to staff.
It was also sprinkled with a few really sick patients and a ridiculously busy department. I love my job, I love what I do, and I love going to work. Just not this week. A coworker and fellow nurse who I was with asked me what’s up because she could see something was on my mind. Now, I spend nearly the entire 80 hours working with her. She’s a wonderful friend, and next to my wife and daughters, I spend a very considerable amount of my time and life with her at work.
I told her how I was upset with myself for exploding at my wife and kids who were just so excited to see me because they haven’t had much of me all week. I broke down and got teary and had to excuse myself to collect myself so I could get back to work keeping my patients safe and alive. There were other small factors that led me to be irritable, such as lack of sleep and stress and the freaking neighbor dog barking constantly while sleeping, but I felt like a monster.
PSA: High stress/high-risk jobs eventually eat up the good parts of you and it eventually seeps into private life. Remember to manage stress and take care of yourself so you can be replenished. To those supporting people in those jobs, remember that irritability isn’t directed towards you. Sometimes, we just get overwhelmed.
34. Blossoming Love
My best friend and his girlfriend made their way into one of my meditation sessions. They seem to be deeply in love and it brought so much joy to my heart.
35. Winning the Game
Two months ago, when I finally got the job that I had been dreaming of since I was a little child. I make video games for a living. Most of my childhood I spent being afraid for my life and watching my mother get mistreated. My teenage years I spent being depressed and doing nothing to better my situation. I spent 10 years working at a dead-end, awful job with minimum wage and got too used to everything being garbage.
Five years ago, I decided that I’m either going to give up or cut the feedback loop of being miserable. I studied my butt off, became a pretty decent programmer, and eventually landed a job interview. I got the job and now I’m making video games for a living as a programmer. The working environment is super laid back, the working hours are flexible and the salary is pretty nice.
I’m still not used to having money in my bank account and I’m working at a job that I’m actually proud of and genuinely passionate about. I can spend 12 hours at the office and it feels like hanging out with friends playing video games, having a couple of beers and coding stuff. For the first time in my life, I actually look forward to being able to get back to work after weekends.
Stay in school and find a job that you are passionate about. You won’t “work” a single day in your life if you do what you love.
36. Cry, Brother, Cry
Last Friday I was fairly drunk and thought about how much I love my nieces and nephews. I cry pretty often, about every other week or so. It’s not healthy for men to bottle up their emotions and not cry for months or years at a time.
37. Picture Perfect
I lost my son to cancer a few years ago just a few weeks after his 13th birthday. He was the toughest kid, super smart, way happier and more positive than a kid fighting the battles he was fighting had a right to be. He was kind to the other kids at his treatment center, always put them first, and a “favorite patient” of the staff too. He was just… special.
Every dad thinks that of their kids, but it’s true in his case. He really was rare. On Saturday, my youngest decided to swap keyboards and broke something in Windows 10, I couldn’t get a keyboard driver to work for the life of me on the home PC. Hours of trying to restore and repair startup functions hadn’t worked either. Through a lot of frustration and misplaced anger, I decided to wipe the drive and reinstall the OS.
Wiping drives makes me nervous because I can’t get over the idea of losing something, a video, picture, homework assignment, all that stuff no matter how seemingly insignificant, is all irreplaceable. After getting upset with my kid and blaming him for something that probably wasn’t his fault, setting things down a little too aggressively, pouring myself too much to drink, and hunting for way too long for a suitable USB key, I finally located an unmarked one way in the back of the drawer.
I put it in my laptop and it’s full. Perfect. So I open the first file to figure out if I can format it…and there he is…full screen as a first-grader, the way I remember him from well before cancer was ever a nightmare, back when everything was seemingly perfect in my life, with that kind smile on his face and mouthful of missing teeth. That USB key was a physical backup of all of the images we used at his visitation.
I was simply overcome with emotion. In a heartbeat, I was confronted with how I’d mistreated my youngest, got angry over something stupid, am using alcohol to mask my pain too regularly, and all of the emotion that was bottled up inside just boiled over. I crumpled right there at the desk and silently sobbed so as not to alarm my family in the other room.
I didn’t need those missing teeth to remind me of how badly I miss my kid. I miss him every moment of every day. Time doesn’t heal wounds when the lost time IS the wound.
38. The Roughest Week
I was in a bad relationship. I didn’t realize how bad it was until St. Patty’s day, but we will get there. I have been dating this girl for almost a year. I’m in the Army Reserves and a paramedic. She’s a nurse, that’s how we met. At first, it was great. My friends liked her—up until she would ditch hanging out with my friends. If we did go out and drink, she would wait until I was drunk and start nitpicking everything about me.
One night it got to be too much. Drunk me decided more alcohol would be the solution. I blacked out and from there, her account is all I know. She said I pushed her. I kinda remember her jumping up on me/getting in the way of me leaving. She said things got physical from there. She took a ride home from an officer since I left her behind.
I forgot until now that I told her my biggest fear in life was becoming a worthless piece of garbage like my dad, who is an aggressive, alcoholic nobody. We end up making up the next day. I reel in my drinking. At this point, I get news about deploying. I tell her and she is okay at first, but then gets cold feet. She uses this to basically yo-yo me in and out of a relationship on a week-to-week basis.
She starts saying stuff like if you made more money/drove a nicer car/went back to school/ insert other garbage, we could be together and this wouldn’t be so tough. At some point, I say screw it and start doing what I want, putting up with her junk as it comes. She starts accusing me of sleeping with just about every girl in my Snapchat stories. I chalk it up to her having had other terrible boyfriends, no big deal.
All until this St. Patty’s day. I told her I was going out with my friends since she had some family stuff going on and said I didn’t need to go. She says she happened to be out on the town and that I should go to meet her at the bar. I walk in, she sees me and starts making out with this guy. I lost my mind, told her to screw a cactus, and all sorts of crazy stuff.
I leave and come back to fight that guy and ran into an old friend that I haven’t seen in maybe five years. She recently moved back from out of state. We got to catching up and she happens to be my now-ex’s cousin. She lets me in on that this has always been her motive with guys and is “a conniving, manipulative trollop.” She calms me down and convinces me to leave and go dance at another bar.
I get talking to the bartender at the other bar and tell her my story and she says, “Honey, you may have been dating her, but wow she has not been dating you.” I saw the red flags and couldn’t get myself to leave until I was a train wreck. It didn’t hit me until Monday while at work as a paramedic. I had to cut an 11-year-old girl down from the ceiling who hanged herself.
I cried off and on passionately for about two days, and cry when I see that girl’s face on Facebook.
39. Gone Too Soon
Yesterday was when I cried. I don’t typically get upset over celebrity passings. Mac Miller’s passing upset me, but Kobe…I feel like I lost a long-time friend. I’m not even a Lakers fan but I love basketball. I grew up watching Kobe. Any kid that’s ever been alone in a gym imagining they had the ball down a point with seconds on the clock knows who Kobe is.
He was the Black Mamba. He seemed utterly invincible. He should be here, transitioning into his role as the elder statesman of the NBA, offering sage advice to all the rooks who grew up watching him dominate for two decades, idolizing him. His wonderful daughter Gigi should be able to grow up and play for UConn and the WNBA.
Instead, I lost a childhood hero, basketball lost a legend, and the world lost someone who truly seemed to care and want to give back.
40. Three Strong Words
Last night actually, my newly ex-girlfriend (it was an amicable breakup) and I were texting and talking about how our texting habits have changed since the breakup. Somewhere in her texts, she mentioned how much I would say “I love you” to her. She didn’t even say it directly to me but seeing those words on her text just kinda collapsed into me.
I realized that I wouldn’t see those words from her for a long time made me cry for a bit. I had been holding those tears back for a while apparently. It’s not right to hold on your feelings dude, it will sneak up on you. It’s definitely better to experience them while they are happening 100%.
41. Egg Hunting World Championship
I was 11 and failed to find a single Easter egg in the Easter egg hunt. Brutal.
42. The Good and The Bad
My girlfriend of two years broke up with me this past fall, one month after we went to separate colleges. I was absolutely in love with her, her family, her family friends, and the life I was living with her in it. I can talk for days about all the memories we shared. It all ended so suddenly and it is by far the hardest loss I have experienced in my life.
I suppose I should try to look at it as a good thing. I know others have been through much worse. But even though it has been months now, I still think about it every day.
43. Instant Connection
The last time I cried was when my daughter was born. I was stoic throughout the whole process. I was next to my wife coaching her. My daughter pops out, and the moment I heard her voice, it reverberated in my heart. Next thing I knew I was bawling out of control.
44. Just Five More Minutes
I often have these dreams where my dog Snoopy is there. However, he passed on almost five years ago and in my dream, I will recognize this and say to myself, “Wait, Snoopy passed on, how is this possible?” Then somehow, I can’t really explain it that well, but me wanting so bad for him to be alive again overwhelms the logical part of my mind and I rationalize that he actually didn’t die and it was a miracle.
I then have a great time and am able to enjoy playing with my best friend again and having him come along on my adventures. The thing is that this screws with me when I wake up and have to come to the sad realization that he is gone again. Like I enjoy being able to see him again in dreams, but it can be really emotionally overwhelming too.
So, some days I wake and cry because I miss my best friend.
45. Stairway to Sobbing
I shed a few tears on the way to work yesterday. Was driving and “Stairway To Heaven” came on, it’s a beautiful song in every aspect. The lyrics are well written and the guitar in the song is great, not just the famous solo. You can bet your butt I was belting out the lyrics on my 5:30 AM drive.
46. Remembering the Legend
The day Mac Miller’s album came out. When “Good News” first started, I couldn’t hold it back.
47. Cat Tag
A few months ago. My older cat likes to play tag. He’ll poke you with his paw and run away and the idea is that you chase him, pick him up and give him kisses. He’s recently gone blind, and we were sitting on the couch watching TV. He wanted to play tag, so he poked me and ran away…but he missed where the edge of the couch was and fell off.
Instead of continuing to run—the fall had disrupted his sense of direction—he sat in the middle of the room, looking around frantically and crying. He didn’t know which direction to go anymore. Watching cats fall is usually hilarious, but definitely not in this case.
48. One Missed Call
My mother passed on last year. I didn’t cry during the event because I had stuff to take care of. But when my birthday came around a few months later and I realized she was never going to call me first thing in the morning and wish me a happy birthday again, I broke down.
49. All Downhill From Here
July 2019. I surprised my long-distance girlfriend for her birthday after not seeing her for three months. Her reaction was bland which shook me a bit, but I was like, maybe she’s tired from college and work. I got us a nice Airbnb for two nights so we can have some privacy, but nothing felt right. Last night we were just listening to some music, she was sitting on the bed pressed against the wall, eyes closed, I was laying on my stomach and then “Georgia” by Vance Joy started playing.
I teared up and covered my face with my arm. That moment I realized our relationship peaked sometime before; it was only downhill ahead. I cried without any sound and she felt the bed shaking from me sobbing. She asked me what’s wrong and then I opened up about how I feel that I’m 100% into this relationship but not getting the same back.
She started crying as well, confirmed everything I said and promised she’ll try to improve and bring back the spark we once had. We broke up three months later. Oh man, do I miss that girl…
50. Being There
I got engaged to my girlfriend last week and she shared the news with all of our friends, including one of our best friends who out of nowhere completely cut off contact with us about two years ago. We were concerned that he might have ended his life or joined a terrorist cell or went to the slammer. To my surprise, he replied to her message last week congratulating us on the engagement.
He was very happy for us. I’ve known him since high school and he has been like a brother to me—I am a single child. A few days later, I got a call from my other best friend who was hanging out with the missing guy. We arranged to have a reunion at my apartment last weekend and there was a lot of heartfelt sharing from him. He shared how he was in a rough spot with his depression, insomnia, self-loathing, anger, shame, guilt, and even suicidal ideations and attempts.
My fiancée and I cried together with him, partly because of the sadness that our closest friend went through all that alone, but also happy that he finally gathered the courage to share those deep, dark struggles with us, and that he’s not dead or didn’t do anything beyond the point of no return. I also opened up to him about my recent struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts almost a couple years ago, and how I can deeply empathize with a lot of the things he was going through because I’ve been in his shoes.
I shared my recovery process and the resources I found, how many lessons I learned about myself, and most importantly, told him that he should never feel so alone with his struggle as long he’s willing to let us help him and be there for him. He was grateful and willing to look for professional help after our long talk. I work in the emergency department and have dealt with plenty of cases of suicidal patients, but it made me tearful knowing my own best friend and brother fell to that depth of depression.
I hope I don’t have to lose him again to his depression and social isolation, and I’ve been mindful to keep him informed that other people do care a great deal about his wellbeing.