From unintended flatulence to setting hair on fire, mistakes are bound to happen, with many occurring in high-stress situations like dates. During this crucial time, we try so hard to make a great impression that it sometimes backfires. Here are some of the most awkward, silly and hilarious dating mistakes that married men of Reddit have made while courting their spouses. Cue the laughter!
1. Rejection Notice
I first turned my wife down when she suggested we go on a date. I was working for Starbucks and she was a regular customer. I was new in town and noticed her a couple of times so we got to some small talk and started chatting about places to eat. She said, “There’s an amazing taco place down the road, we should go sometime.” I misheard her, thinking she said that I should go sometime. I replied with the most casually cruel words: I said “I’ll definitely check it out”, handed her a drink, and she left very awkwardly.
She was back in the next day and against all odds, I was able to clear up the misunderstanding. I wrote my number on her Starbucks cup. We went to that taco place for our first date and she was right, it was amazing. 3 years married and 2 kids later… I’m really glad she saw through my awkwardness.
2. Ashes to Ashes
One time my husband called me at work, “Babe, you’re going to be so mad! I made a mess but don’t worry, I’ll fix it!” I just sighed because he is basically Lucy from I Love Lucy. When I got home a little bit later it was to a living room COVERED in grey powder, my husband completely filthy with a trash bag and broom and a super panicked look on his face.
Turned out he’d decided to help around the house and wanted to clean the fireplace. He just decided the best way to clean it would be to stand in front of it with a trash bag and use the leaf blower to blow the ashes in. Spoiler alert: that doesn’t work. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I laughed so hard and it’s still one of my favorite weird things that he’s done.
3. Cookies and Clean-up
My husband and I were standing in the kitchen sharing a warm cookie. A chunk of it started to fall and he instinctively ducked down to try to catch it but forgot he was holding a cup of milk in the other hand. It was a disaster. He flung milk all over the kitchen and managed to drop the rest of the cookie in the process.
Then, he stood there solemnly, sadly looking down at the mess he’d made. I cried from laughing so hard.
4. Tickle Me Taekwondo
I kicked her in the face because she was tickling my feet and I couldn’t control my movements. Knocked out her tooth. I felt horrible and paid a pretty penny for it to be replaced. On the upside, she never tried that with me again. This was 4 years ago and we’ve been happily married for a just under a year now.
5. Say My Name, Say My Name
My husband kept calling me by the name of his previous girlfriend on our first date. I finally told him to give her a call because they clearly had unfinished business to talk about. He did and she reminded him why he was happy to have her out of his life. After that, he never called me by her name again. 40 years later and it seems to have worked out in my favor.
6. Don’t Play with Your Food
My wife is a devout animal-lover and activist. I had planned a proposal at a fancy Tokyo restaurant that only takes 3 tables a night and has 11 courses. The restaurant itself was filled with all sorts of innovative things so you’re never quite sure what’s coming next. In between one of the courses the chef brings out a cute little glass bowl for us to play with some squid. The chef informs us they are firefly squid that are native to the local bay.
My wife was delighted by the squid and practically named each one of them. That’s when things got dark. Two courses later they reappeared as entrées, floating on a glass plate lit up from below and arranged to look like they’re swimming. Luckily, she still accepted the proposal but never let me forget that I took her on literally the worst dining experience she ever had (and the most expensive for me).
7. The Finer Things
I played Weird Al CDs non-stop for a 6-hour car trip to the beach. She didn’t ditch me but I haven’t been allowed to play Weird Al in her presence for the past 24 years. Got tickets to see him this year on our anniversary and knew better than to ask her to join me so I took a couple of my kids that appreciate the finer things in life. Best anniversary gift ever. Great show!
8. An Awkward Coincidence
On my first date with my wife, we started talking about tattoos. I have a rule that if I have an idea for a tattoo, I sit on it for a while to see if it’s something I truly want. I mentioned this to her and explained how glad I am that I do this because otherwise I’d be covered in Tool (the band) tattoos or some, “other dumb stuff.”
Little did I know, I’d just messed up big time. She rolled up her sleeve to show me that she had the lyrics to one of their songs tattooed across her arm. Oops!
9. Playing with Fire
I accidentally set my wife’s hair on fire with a match while lighting a cigarette. Not good. We are still married 29 years later and I don’t smoke anymore.
10. Boogie Time
I once picked my nose and stuck the booger on her leg. No idea at all why I did it. I wouldn’t say she overlooked it. She was understandably upset although she did marry me in spite of this.
11. Bless You?
My wife was about to sneeze and she was sitting half on my lap so I immediately thought she would sneeze on me. I don’t know what I was thinking but I put my hand up to block her sneeze except I had a glass in my hand and I blocked her own hand from covering her sneeze. Right then, she slammed her face into my glass and BOOM!
We’ve been married 6 years now. Fortunately, she still has all her teeth.
12. Check, Please?
On our first dinner date, my husband ordered a ton of food to show me his favorites at an Indian restaurant. He forgot his wallet at home and only discovered doing so when the check had arrived. Cleared me out well over a hundred bucks and he was absolutely mortified, but we’ve been married for nearly two years now, so it was worth it!
13. Rub A Dub Dub, Traitor in The Tub
We were taking a shower together and she was soaping up while I was under the hot water rinsing off. She slipped and instead of grabbing/helping her I pulled away, thinking for some reason that I’d already rinsed off and didn’t want to get soapy again. Luckily she caught herself on the shower curtain and didn’t get hurt.
She wasn’t happy about my reaction. My explanation of my faulty thinking didn’t help at all either. We can laugh about it now but it took some serious smoothing over at the time.
14. Chaotic Explosions
I made myself a burger for dinner before heading over to her place to hang out. Unfortunately, I’m not the best cook and left a little too much pink in that burger. While we were at her house I bet her I could fit through the doggy door and crawled right through. She immediately closed it behind me and we raced to the front door, she won and she locked it.
Now, at this exact moment, my bowels decided they had enough of that burger from earlier and I felt my stomach cramp up. Luckily I held it all in and ran back to the back door with my cheeks clenched and starting knocking desperately on the door. She was laughing at first but when she saw my serious face she unlocked the door and asked if I was okay. I told her to stay downstairs and turn the TV up loud.
She agreed but was very confused. Meanwhile, I ran upstairs, got to the toilet and basically exploded with no restraints. I thought the worst was behind me until I went to wipe and realized that I was in the worst-case scenario: There was NO TOILET PAPER. She took my instructions really well because when I yelled to her, texted her and called her, I got no answer.
After about 10 missed calls she finally answered and I asked her to bring me some toilet paper and leave it outside the door while trying not to breathe on the way there. She was great about it and immediately started making fun of me when I came back downstairs. Now, quite a few years, a couple kids and cat later, she’s still making fun of me!
15. Sorry But…
I know what my husband’s story is because I still tease him about it to this day. We had been dating for two weeks and were spooning on his futon, watching a movie. Out of nowhere, he says, “I’m really sorry, I can’t hold it in anymore.” Suddenly, he rips a HUGE fart. My husband is a very clean, prudish kind of guy so I couldn’t help but let out the biggest laugh while he turned about as red as his beard.
16. Manners, Please
When we were dating, my husband and I were holding hands when he had the urge to cough. Instead of letting go of my hand and covering his mouth, he continued to hold on, brought it up to his mouth and coughed into my hand. It was a dry cough but if it were anything more I would have run.
17. Broken Telephone
On our second date, I arrived an hour late. When I went to greet her with a little hug (yep, that’s how we greet people around here), I accidentally knocked her phone out of her hand. It hit the ground and cracked the screen, but I wasn’t sure if it was already cracked. I apologized and she said it was ok and that the screen was already cracked from before.
Almost a year later, I learned the truth. She confessed that I actually broke her phone that day. She had just gotten it from her mom (all phones she had ever had were second-hand) and she couldn’t afford a new one at the time. Still, she lied and kept using the broken phone so I wouldn’t feel bad. My heart sank. We’ve been married for two years now and I’ve given her a brand new flagship phone every year ever since.
18. Can’t Keep My Eyes Off You
The night I met my husband, he stared at me for four hours straight while I was sleeping. It’s been three years and he still stares at me until I scold him for it. Then he waits until he thinks I won’t notice and starts staring again. I love him to the moon and back, even though he’d creepily stare at me for the entire trip there.
19. A Case of Mistaken Identity
One time I went up to my girlfriend in a busy mall and put my arms around her from behind, greeted her and went to kiss her neck. At that exact moment, the stranger I was hugging said, “uhh, hi.” I felt my blood run cold. The stranger thought it was hilarious, my girlfriend who saw me do it thought it was hilarious and everybody in the vicinity who witnessed it was laughing. While there are not too many situations where randomly feeling up a stranger in public results in mass laughter, it helps when you’ve turned into a bright red stammering mess of embarrassment like I did.
20. Collateral Damage
About three weeks into dating, my husband invited me to a house party at his best friend’s home. We were playing beer pong and just having fun. The other team was up so they tossed the ball. I leaned forward to try to block it, my now-husband extended his hand out in front of me at the same time, catching the ball but also hitting me in the eye and somehow pulling out 3/4 of my eyelashes.
He felt terrible about it and tried to burn off his eyelashes in drunken sympathy. He hates when I bring it up but I think it’s the funniest story!
21. Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
When we had only been dating a month or so, my boyfriend went to pick me up and accidentally threw my head through the ceiling and gave me a concussion. He’s 6’8″ tall and just really misjudged the distance. I also had a hard time getting used to his height and very regularly kneed him in the balls while cuddling for about two years so I think we’re even. We’ve been together 6 years now and proud to say we haven’t injured each other in the last few years.
22. Demon Dogs and Bitter Words
My parents have an extremely ugly little dog. Like, this thing is unfortunate. It’s basically a cross between a Chihuahua and some sort of lesser demon with buggy eyes, an underbite and just plain ugly features. Strangely enough, this little creature adores my husband. One day, he came into my parents’ house from work (I was already there) and the ugly dog runs up to him like she just won the lottery.
He scoops her up, laughing and completely without thinking he says the cruelest thing I have ever heard: “Why is it that only the ugly girls like me?” There was dead silence and his expression faded in slow motion. I said nothing, just got up and walked outside, the sounds of his pitiful groveling and apologizing following me. I know he meant nothing by it, but to this day my family doesn’t let him live it down. He definitely paid for the faux pas.
23. Awkward Cooking Lessons
I’ve been trying to teach him how to cook. His mom did basically everything for him and his brother up into their late 20s. So far he’s done well with spaghetti, although he has to check with me every step of the way. If he’s required to actually cut any sort of meat himself it’s a total loss.
One night we were making dinner and it required cutting some chicken breasts. I handed him the knife, stepped away from the cutting board and watched him press the blade down on the chicken gently. No slicing. No real movement of the knife at all, actually. He just looked up at me helplessly, like the chicken wasn’t just parting neatly and he had no idea what to do about it.
This is a guy who is one of the smartest people I know in all other areas of life. He’s just completely helpless with food!
24. Coin Toss
I flicked a dime at her head while we were playing table football. Not sure what I was thinking. She has a scar. I kiss it every night before we go to bed. We are married now and have three kids.
25. Spy vs. Spy
My dad actually stalked my mom. They worked at a business together and he had this huge crush on her. He would sniff her coat when no one was looking, listen in on conversations to learn what she liked and stare at her constantly while she worked at her desk. It worked out in the end, but only for a truly twisted reason.
It turns out that my mom stalked him right back, having on separate occasions followed him home and tried to find out places he liked to hang out. They have been married for almost 35 years and they are the happiest couple I know.
26. Disappearing Act
In college, I developed a pretty severe bronchial infection. I had a fever of 103 and felt pretty useless. My boyfriend (now husband of 12 years) offered to go rent some movies from Blockbuster and come over for the weekend while I rest. Blockbuster was a five-minute drive from our apartment. An hour goes by and he’s not back so I call his cell phone and he doesn’t answer.
Another hour goes by and I call again, no answer. Two more hours go by, I’m blowing up his cell phone and terrified that he got into an accident and I have no way of going out to look for him. Another hour later (five hours after he left) he calls me and says he’s on his way home. He went to a friend’s house to help him rebuild the engine in his car. It took a long time for me to stop being angry with him and I still get mad thinking about it.
27. Quack! Quack!
It was the first time that he ever met my extended family. We were going to a family event at a pretty swanky hotel. He was wearing the suit that had been languishing in his wardrobe for goodness knows how long. He had recently lost the skinny chicken legs he had when he had worn the suit last, due to working out. I remarked that the suit looked a bit tight around the leg region, but he didn’t listen. We got talking to one of my cousins and everything was going fine until my fiancé dropped his wallet on the floor.
He squatted down to pick it up and immediately, disaster struck. The loudest ripping sound you have ever heard ensued. People actually stopped their conversations and turned to look at what had happened. He had ripped his suit trousers so spectacularly that it somehow stretched from his crotch all the way down to his knee. Inexplicably, he had chosen THAT DAY OF ALL DAYS to wear a pair of boxers that had a picture of a duck with writing that said “Butt Quack” on it.
There was just no coming back from that. He had to do his best to preserve whatever shred of dignity (and trousers) he had left and silently leave. We’ve been together for 5 years now and my extended family still joke about it to this day.
28. Money on The Counter, Gum in Your Mouth
I get very nervous around women that are into me, especially when I know she’s watching me do something (even if it’s something trivial). On an early date, we went to the local shop to pick up some things for a picnic, including gum. I was overthinking and aware that I was being watched. I kept reminding myself of my next moves.
Money on the counter, gum in your mouth. Money on the counter, gum in your mouth. Easy. Suffice to say, when I put the gum on the counter and the €2 coin in my mouth, the cashier was baffled and my girlfriend (now my wife) was crying with laughter.
29. Call the Police
We drank a lot on our second date then took an Uber home. The next day we went back to get his car and surprisingly, it wasn’t there. He was so devastated because he just bought it recently and now it was stolen. We filed a police report. The process took forever and just generally sucked. We walked to his friend’s house nearby and there was his car, perfectly unharmed.
He drank so much the night before he forgot he moved it before our date. Now, once in a while when we’re trying to find our car in the grocery store parking lot or wherever, one of us will say, “It’s stolen, call the police.”
30. Small Passages, Big Moves
I can tell you my husband’s most embarrassing story. We were leaving his new apartment. Keep in mind, we’ve been dating for only a short amount of time and haven’t been through a lot of “firsts” yet. His apartment was on the back of the building so we had to walk through a small passage to get to the other side in order to leave. This passage is slightly shadowed but the light shoots through it so it creates a romantic silhouette.
As we left his apartment and walked into this passage area he grabs my hand, and pulls me towards him. I’m thinking that he’s being romantic, but I was so, so wrong. He proceeds to lock my hand on his butt and loudly fart. It was a very brave move for a new couple. We’ve been married for 13 years now.