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When the officiant asks the question, “If any of you has a reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace,” at most weddings, it’s usually asked rhetorically. 9 times out of 10, no one says anything. What began as a way for the church to prevent secret “marriages” done for unintended purposes (seducing a young maiden) is now asked as a tradition and most objections are seen in shows and films. But apparently, sometimes it actually does happen. The results? Find out with these stunning stories where someone actually shouted, “I object!”


1. The Five-Year-Old That Said No

Yes, it was at my wedding. A friend’s very sweet five-year-old little boy shouted, “No!” at the top of his voice. Then he went and hid at the back of the room while his mother died of embarrassment. We all laughed and carried on. Thankfully, it didn’t count as a lawful objection.

WhisperingDark

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2. The Guilty, But Honest Lover

I was working at a wedding when I was younger. I was running the bar at the reception, which was very close to the hall the weddings were at. We were told that the reception would begin around 4 PM. It was already about 3ish and I was packing fridges, the usual barman things, while one of the male guests was still sitting there drinking.

I asked if he was not joining the reception, to which he replied something along the lines of “When I have the courage.” He downs his drink and leaves. 10 minutes later he’s back looking extremely disappointed. Guy orders a drink, and less than 30 seconds later another guy who’s dressed extremely well (turned out to be the groom), walks in, punches him in the back of the head, and leaves.

This dude just picked his drink up and sipped it further. I eventually found out that this dude had downed his drink, walked into the reception and admitted to sleeping with the wife on her hen night and again the night before the wedding. He was never invited to the wedding. He just felt the groom needed to know.

So, he found out where the wedding was, suited up and dropped the info mid-ceremony.

STUNSLAVE

3. The Evil Mother-in-Law Who Almost Did

Sort of—it was my own wedding. My Mother-In-Law hated me. I married a southerner (I’m a darned Yankee) and we are of different religions. She did everything she could to stop her daughter from dating me, including cutting off her tuition. Anyway, we decide to get married by a Justice of the Peace. He was retired and really cool—a former judge and minister.

He asked questions and we had to tell him about my witch of a Mother-In-Law. So the night of the rehearsal, just as we are wrapping up, this 85-year-old Justice of the Peace stands up and asks for everyone’s attention. He said, “These two kids love each other and are getting married tomorrow. If anyone has any objections they can speak NOW because they will not ruin the ceremony tomorrow.”

Then he proceeded to look coldly at Mother-In-Law and said, “Is there anything you want to say?” Her face scrunched up like she was sucking on a lemon. You knew she had been planning on it all along and had just had all the wind taken out of her sails. She cowed down and just shook her head. He just looked at her and said, “I thought not.”

The phrase was never uttered during the wedding, so all was well. Witch still hates me even now though her daughter and I have been married 27 years now.

Blackadar1

4. The Crying Baby

My aunt was getting married to her second husband and during the “Speak now or forever hold your peace” bit, their baby started crying. The dude officiating it said, “If anyone older than six months has any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace.” He got a laugh and the wedding carried on. They’re still together 10 years later, so I guess whatever my cousin had to say was misinformed.

GotAnyMoreOfThem

5. The In-Laws Who Desperately Wanted To

At my wedding, my mom was the officiant so she didn’t put it in because we assumed that we’d have at least one person from his side say something. My in-laws still made sure to beg my now husband not to marry me literally MINUTES from when the wedding was supposed to start. After our honeymoon, there were like three months that we lived with my in-laws.

They would beg him to leave me, take full custody of our son, and just forget about me, IN FRONT OF ME. They would tell him that I wasn’t the girl they had planned for him (very controlling people) or that there was someone who they thought would better fit into the family, etc. We’ve been together almost four years now and my Father-In-Law will still say things like that in front of me.

My Mother-In-Law waits until I’m not around to say things.

sailorspouse

6. The “Best” Man

The best man at my step-sister’s wedding did this. It happened at the rehearsal the night before. It was a very large wedding and the rehearsal was bigger than a lot of weddings. The minister was going over the vows quickly while giving instructions on what to do. When he said something about objections, the best man interrupted saying he had to put a stop to this.

He was in love with the bride and was sure she felt the same way. My sister and everyone else were horrified. It caused plenty of chaos and confusion. As far as I know, after that, neither the bride nor groom ever spoke to him again.

chadspdx

7. The 5-Year-Old Has the Best Reason

When my sister married her now ex-husband and they asked for objections, I just screamed, “I DON’T LIKE HIIIIIIM, HE’S NOT PRETTY” and started bawling. I was five at the time.

CyperiaRose

8. The Interrupted Objector

I attended a wedding as a guest of a family member and when the pastor said that, the doors busted open to the sanctuary and a man appeared and started to say, “I do!” but two huge ushers, one who was my date, quickly grabbed the guy, before he could say anything, under the arms and literally lifted him up off the floor and carried him out. The wedding continued as normal.

It turned out the guy was the ex of the bride. It was the strangest sight that I ever saw.

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9. The Vengeful Groom

I heard of a local wedding where the church service was absolutely beautiful and the reception was near perfect. After the speeches to the Bride and Groom, the Bride spoke in appreciation for all friends, family, and her new husband and their excitement for life together. The Groom was last to speak. He thanked everyone for being so good to them, and then apologized for what was coming next: a bombshell.

He explained that the night before, his bride slept with his best man and that he was filing for annulment immediately. He also explained that he felt it best to proceed with the wedding while he made his final decision. He also suggested that the Father of the Bride, who paid significant amounts towards their wedding, hold both his daughter and the best man financially responsible. Then he walked out.

rogerthatonce

10. The Under-The-Influence Objector

So, I’m attending this ultra-chill beach wedding in a small town in Canada. I don’t know most people because it was my ex-step-aunt’s, so it’s my brother’s family that I never see. It was fun anyways. The bride flew in on a seaplane and all the chairs were set up on the sand. Anyways, the groom is from Trinidad and Tobago, so all his relatives traveled a long way and had cool accents. There was a party before; we were all a little bit tipsy.

So, as the ceremony progresses, everyone is watching and getting teary from the vows. Then the line comes, “…. any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony speak now.” Nobody expected this. The father of the groom gets up, flailing, and a collective gasp followed by silence overtakes this tiny venue.

We’re all waiting with bated breath, but he’s just standing there with glassy eyes. Turns out he was baked. This 70+ man in a suit and dreads laughs and says, “No, I kid, I kid” and the whole spirit of the audience cheers up as he sits back down. For the rest of the reception, people either went up to him to say “good one” or scolded him.

It was a darn good night—the best wedding I’ve been to.

onkizomba

11. Mommy Caught Someone Under the Hot Tub Water

This might not count, but it was like 12 hours before the wedding and one of my ex’s best friends had a destination wedding in Mexico. Both parties stayed in a huge mansion house overlooking the water. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I was in a hotel close by. The night before the wedding, the bridesmaids and groomsmen stayed up late partying.

Everyone passed out but at midnight or so the bride’s mom woke up because she heard the living room speakers, which hadn’t been turned off. She happens to hear noise coming from outside and she goes out there…to find the maid of honor in the hot tub, doing it with the groom. The maid of honor had been raised by the bride’s mom, basically like a second mom thing, so she was shocked to say the least.

They had just bought a house too. The wedding never happened and I enjoyed my vacation and returned the dress. Super after the fact, but I did some research and last year they made up, got married, and had a kid. I feel bad for the girl for not just kicking him aside.

palmtrees007

12. The Confusing Groom’s Son

When I was 13, we went to my second cousin’s second wedding. Everything is going great. They even got past the speak now or forever hold your peace part. They wrote their own vows, but before my second cousin’s fiancé/wife could even begin her vows, his son got up announced to the entire room that she was cheating on his dad with her drug dealer and he couldn’t let his dad marry her.

My second cousin yelled at his son to either sit down or leave. The son left and my second cousin married her anyway. Five years and one baby later he finds out it was true and they separated but were too under the influence to be able to afford a divorce. Finally, he got married a third time—and that’s where things get truly insane. Before he could go through with it,  his new wife-to-be had to pay for his divorce from his second wife!

At least their wedding had no objections. They moved to Missouri and this time, instead of separating or asking for a divorce, he decided he didn’t want to be married anymore and just moved back to Cali to get back together with his second ex-wife. Yep family dinners are a little awkward.

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13. The Bride Did What With Who???

My older brother and sister have always been super close. They’re both much older than me, so I always felt like the third wheel in sibling stuff. When my sister started dating this guy that she met at college seriously, I could tell something wasn’t sitting right with my brother. I could hear him crying at night and he was missing work a whole lot. She was a big part of his life.

I figured he was upset that she wouldn’t be moving back home after college. Eventually, it all blew over, but I could tell he still wasn’t right. My sister’s boyfriend eventually proposed to her and she said yes. Her fiancé was a software engineer for an investment firm, so he was loaded. Their wedding seemed like a fairy tale—but we had no idea what was coming.

We all thought it was going to be the wedding of the decade. On the day of, my brother is nowhere to be seen. My parents were starting to get concerned, but they kept quiet because they didn’t want to ruin my sister’s big day. Everything was absolutely perfect. As we sat and watched the 40-hour long Catholic ceremony, we heard a car come to a screeching halt in front of the church. Everyone turned their heads towards the door, waiting to hear a crash.

A few moments later, the church doors open and it’s my brother. It’s a big church, so I didn’t have a good view, but I could hear people gasping. I knew something juicy was going down. As my brother got closer, I noticed why everyone was in such shock. He was completely naked and drunk. He stood in front of the front row and slurred, “I object” like they do in the movies. It was there that he broke down and admitted his love for our sister.

He revealed that they had been sleeping together for several years. My jaw was on the floor at this point. My mom was hysterical and my dad held my mom with his eyes closed. My brother then went on to reveal that he had gotten my sister pregnant and that he was broken over her decision to abort. He said he still wanted to start a family with her and that her fiancé didn’t deserve her.

Several of my uncles dragged him away as he screamed about his love for my sister. Upon learning this news, the priest canceled the ceremony and the wedding was called off. My sister’s fiancé didn’t say a word. He just left and we never saw him again. I still talk to my sister, but her and my brother have been excommunicated from the family.

My parents even went as far as taking them off their wills.

Diarrhea_Machinist

14. The One Where Someone Had to Say, “Lonnie No!”

I got booted out of my cousin’s wedding reception with about 20 other people. My cousin had her wedding on a farm with a massive pig roast. From what I remember, there were a ton of people. Anyway, her father and my other older cousin never really got along. At one point during the reception, my older cousin had enough and absolutely lost it.

He looked at a handful of us and asked if we had his back. Of course, we all nodded not really knowing what was about to happen. He disappeared and a few minutes later comes back with a 20lb bag of pork meat from the leftover roast. He walks down to where my cousin’s dad is (my aunt proceeds to yell, “Lonnie NO!!!”) and smacks him right in the side of the face with the bag of meat.

An all-out family brawl ensued. The whole family hasn’t been invited to a wedding ever since.

TheeDaveyJones

15. The Worst Wedding Crashers Who Stayed

It was a same-sex marriage where the parents and family of spouse #1 were incredibly homophobic and religious. They have been estranged for years due to the terrible stuff that they did about their child’s sexuality. Somehow, they found out about the wedding (none of them were invited) and showed up as a group mid-ceremony yelling about how they object to this union and it is ungodly for a man to marry a man.

It ended with all of them being carried out by other guests and locking the doors so they couldn’t come in. The whole group stood outside the venue to yell all night until we left.

j3r1m3y

16. The Random Dude-Bro

It was at my own wedding, but not in the traditional way. We were getting married along a river at the end of summer and tons of wakeboarders and boats were out. I was a ball of nerves and the ceremony felt so serious. When all of a sudden, some dudebro on a boat blasting music screamed, “Don’t do it bro!!” and sped off.

It was actually hilarious and made the rest of the ceremony a lot more fun. My husband and I cracked up even though his brothers looked like they were about to jump in the river after the guy!

Coopamonster

17. The Uncontrollable Toddler Bridesmaid

It was at my sister’s wedding. Their daughter (my beautiful Goddaughter and niece) who was a bridesmaid and two years old escaped from her “wrangler” and shouted, “Mummy!! Noooooooo!!” at the exact perfect moment. It was more to do with not being allowed to play with the wooden nativity scene at the front of the church than any deep-seated concerns about matrimony, but it was still beautiful timing.

Everyone laughed and they got married with a toddler on one hip.

momosende

18. The Married Guy

I witnessed this a few months ago. Random guest stood up and proceeded to basically declare his love for the bride and pour his heart out saying that it should’ve been him up on the alter that day. The whole room went dead silent. The bride went red with embarrassment and the groom went red with anger. The best man promptly called for DJ/MC to start playing music.

But I haven’t even gotten to the worst part: All this was in front of the random person’s wife. It didn’t go down too well.

rubber_band_ball

19. The Duel for the Fate of the Wedding

It was at a traditional Roman Catholic ceremony. There’s kind of an obscure part of the matrimonial law, but if this happens then the priest will call upon the objector to validate the challenge. If the objector is male, this is done through a match of Roman skull wrestling. They will stand in a ring of rice with hands tied behind backs, forehead to forehead, and attempt to push their opponent out using only the forehead.

The groom is typically the opponent but may call swapsies and choose a groomsman. The objector may then also call swapsies and choose any member of the congregation so long as they are baptized. If the objector is female then the contest is timed balancing of the priest’s scepter on the right pinky. Similar swapsies rules apply.

In my case, the objector was female and lost the balancing contest by two full minutes and had apparently objected only because the bride’s father had borrowed her rototiller and returned it with an empty gas tank and two bent tines. The ceremony resumed and all was good.

Mr_Spokk

20. The Worst Groom Ever

I once went to a wedding where both families were Irish. My girlfriend knew them, but I didn’t. At the ceremony, the groom’s ex-wife started shouting something and was gently directed outside. I couldn’t hear what was said. The reception was amazing—nice venue and all, but a bunch of guests had brought their own instruments and just started jamming what I can only describe as a genuine Irish Jig. This went on for hours and remains a lasting memory of aural beauty.

But I digress. There was a LOT of booze. There was no responsible serving of alcohol and I’m certain it was by design. At some point, I used the men’s room and was curious if I’d just seen the groom in a stall (door open) with someone who was not the bride. I didn’t know these people and it might have just been someone else, so I said nothing.

Sometime later and the girlfriend states seriously, “We should get going now.” Yeah sure. We grab our stuff and head downstairs. I see the suspicious fellow again in the stairwell going to absolute town on this same lady. My girlfriend grabs my arm tightly and keeps walking past, mumbles a thank you for the invite, and I just smile and follow cause it’s all weird.

Yep, that was the groom, doing stuff to his ex-wife at his own wedding to another woman (the bride genuinely seemed like a gem). The look that woman gave us as we passed was this smugly dominant, “I always get what I want” drunk glare. Wow. I got it all explained to me after we were in a cab and well on our way home. I never got a follow up to that story, but 10/10 on the music. I would tag along to an Irish wedding again!

ArtificeOne

21. The Ceremony Where Everyone Was Ready to Object

I went to a wedding recently for one of my husband’s friends. Nobody liked the relationship between the bride and groom, including both families and all the friends. It was super toxic and controlling and they managed to completely isolate themselves by hating on everyone. The wedding was mainly just immediate family and a few of the groom’s childhood friends.

It was the shortest wedding in history. When the time came where the minister asked if anyone would object to the marriage, it was completely skipped. I think the couple knew that there were several people who would have objected so just decided not to have it. Also, they put the wedding on the day of a grand final so more than a few people had their phone out DURING THE CEREMONY watching it. When they were announced man and wife, nobody clapped.

Everyone left quietly and then at the reception, there was a betting pool for how long until they would get divorced.

onionrings4eva

22. The One Where Mom Intervened

I saw it nearly happen at my uncle’s wedding. A friend of theirs’ got too drunk and when the line said speak now, he smiled and started to stand up—but he didn’t realize who was sitting right behind him. My mother grabbed him by his hair and sat him back down by force. The drunk was a close friend of both the bride and groom so he was seated up front.

He’s a nice dude but sometimes a bit of a dummy. It was a small non-traditional wedding. They were wed in the botanical gardens by a justice of the peace. The reception was held in the same place. When you entered the area for the wedding /reception there was an open bar so some people helped themselves before the ceremony started. And one overindulged a bit.

Killj0y13

23. The Homeless Guy Who Wouldn’t Go Away

I’m a church music director at a small church right outside a downtown area. We get a lot of homeless people who come in during church or anytime the doors are open really. Once we had a guy who kept coming in sitting in the back while the wedding was getting set up. I asked him to leave twice and said we would call the police if he came back.

We didn’t see him for a while but he came back in after the wedding started. We didn’t see him and no one spoke up. When the pastor asked if there were any objections, the homeless guy said, “Yep, right here!” He didn’t stand or raise his hand. He just sat there. It was really awkward and they tried to proceed, but he did it again.

The bride’s father turned beet red and looked ready to fight. Two big guys in the back of the church stood up and asked the guy to leave, which he did. Then the pastor laughed a little and told the photographers to erase that part. He said “Action! Does anyone object…” Weird stuff like this always happens, we’re pretty used to it now.

iLoveFishStixx

24. The Maid of Honor Who Said…

I went to a co-worker’s wedding and the maid of honor objected and admitted to being the other woman and that the groom had been cheating with her for months. The bride left in tears and the groom immediately tried to get with the Maid of Honor, but she told him she wasn’t going to hurt the bride further and that he needs to go away.

The bride is doing much better and is now a manager here and I haven’t heard from the groom in over a year. The Maid of Honor and bride are on speaking terms, but I don’t think their relationship is going to ever be what it used to be.

saffronar

25. The Grandma Who Had a Point

I was not at the wedding, it was way before I was born, but I did get to see the fallout from the event. When my aunt was married, my great-grandmother (who died before my birth) stood up at the point in the ceremony where they ask for reasons that the bride and groom should not be married and declared that “She is not a Smith (pointing at my aunt, her own granddaughter) she is getting married under a false name!”

Apparently, nobody had a clue what she was talking about and everybody assumed that she had started to suffer from dementia and so as she began to rant about my aunt’s name not being “Smith,” some of the members of the family removed her from the church and the ceremony continued. It was decades before we learned the shocking truth behind those words.

Fast forward fifty or more years and my grandmother, my aunt’s mother, is dying. A few weeks before she passed away, she told my aunt that her father, my grandfather, was not her biological father and that she had married him after she had given birth to her. My grandfather obviously knew the truth and so did my great-grandparents, but I presume everybody else just assumed that he was the father all along. My grandmother refused, however, to tell her who her father was.

When we dug a little into the family tree, we uncovered my aunt’s birth certificate. Sure enough, she was registered under my grandmother’s maiden name and not my grandfather’s name.

simev

26. The Objecting Pet Dog

It’s not a speak now part, but well…you’ll see. A friend of mine was getting married in the park under the trees because both of them were nature people and the groom had a dog that went everywhere with him that wasn’t allowed in any church, despite being well trained and quiet. There were some rows of chairs with lots of people filling them including the Groom’s mother who was sitting with his dog.

Bride and Groom were at the front with the officiant. Officiant begins. Officiant comes to the part where he says, “Do you take…” Groom’s dog, Shadow, began to howl a loud, long, mournful howl. Everyone laughed. Officiant started the question again. Loud, long, mournful howl again. Everyone laughed. Groom told Shadow to come to the front.

Shadow ran up, stood directly in between the bride and groom and the officiant started again. Not a peep from Shadow. Her vows. His vows. Officiant looked at Shadow and asked, “Shadow do you take bride and groom to be your lawfully wedded parents?” Shadow barked one single bark. Officiant concluded the ceremony, everyone cheered and clapped, and Shadow barked three times, the only times that he made any sounds.

Not kidding. He’s a beautiful dog too.

SamNeedsAName

27. The Ceremony Where It Worked

There were mixed cultures. The groom was obviously drunk (alcoholic for years, bride knew). Bridesmaids (yes, several) said yes when the minister asked if anyone knew of any impediments to the marriage. Ceremony was stopped. The gathering (about 100) waited while the minister and the wedding party exited the church to talk.

A short while later, the minister returns to inform us there will be no wedding, but everyone is invited to the reception for a party anyway. Groom was whisked away and hidden from members of the bride’s family who likely would have killed him. More than 20 years later, the couple are still living together happily, but are not married.

Can’t make up stuff like this. I still have no idea what the wedding party said to that minister.

mindgamelearner

28. The Groom with Way Too Many Mistresses

My boyfriend was friends with a guy who was getting a quickie marriage and needed witnesses. We agreed and went inside the little reception room, where the preacher, bride, and the groom were lined up waiting on us. The preacher started his thing and I noticed a woman come in and lean against the back wall. She looked pissed, standing with her arms crossed.

Preacher: “Is there anyone here today who objects to the union of **** and ****? Please, speak now.” The couple looked back at us and we both smiled. Suddenly, the bride’s attention turned to the woman in the back of the room. Bride: “What the heck is she doing here?!” The woman quickly raises her hand, looking at the old preacher.

Woman: “I object! I don’t agree with this marriage!” The bride glares at her. Bride: “Shut up! Wait your turn! It’s my scheduled day! You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first!” The woman had to be dragged out of the room, kicking and screaming and spitting at the bride. After the reception, my boyfriend’s friend explained that he was originally in a relationship with the bride. After ten years together, he started sleeping with her sister, the woman. They were close sisters, but eventually, both ladies got pregnant by him simultaneously.

They fought each other like cats and dogs for the next several years until the two cousins became school-aged and best friends. Neither one of the sisters would give up the man and he wasn’t sure which one he loved more, so he kept seeing both women. Last I heard they were all still together, but the two sisters had teamed up to take down his pregnant mistress.

redhourglass8

29. The Ceremony that Will Make Your Jaw Drop

My buddy had a wedding about 15 years ago. We thought he had found the perfect woman, she was so nice all the time, hot as a bonfire, and from what we understood from manly banter as well as her own jokes at the poker table, amazing in bed. Wedding time comes round, “Does anyone have a lawful objection?” His dad objects because he hadn’t found a way to tell everyone that he cheated on my friend’s mom—but it got so much worse.

The other woman was the bride’s mother. The bride was my friend’s half-sister. Apparently, the dad had only seen pictures of the girl as she grew up and only he and her mom knew the truth. A DNA test later confirmed it. Now my friend is in therapy because “the best love and lay of my life was my sister!”

gives-out-hugs

30. The Wedding Where Somebody Should Have Objected

No objections were made (unfortunately), but back when I worked in a hotel a few years ago I got to witness a very interesting wedding. In preparation, we had to ensure we’d ordered enough Blue WKD in as this was the groom’s drink of choice (first red flag). The whole wedding took place in the hotel. The function room also hosted the ceremony so we started pretty early that day.

Before the ceremony, the bride had taken three bottles of Prosecco up to her room while she was getting ready and was clearly tipsy before the wedding started, but seemed to act sober enough that whoever was conducting the ceremony was none the wiser. Ceremony seemed normal but I was prepping the bar so wouldn’t have known either way.

As it ends, all the guests flood out for drinks while we changed the function room and set out the tables for the sit-down meal. The guests were rough as a badger to put it politely. I already knew one of them as he’d been to the hotel before acting like a total wanker when I told him the bar was closed and I wouldn’t be serving him. However, he was being especially polite to me this time as it was clear his date for the wedding was definitely not the same girl he was in with just a few weeks ago (who I suspect was a paid acquaintance).

Before the meal even began, we were starting to worry if we’d have enough alcohol. These people drank like fish but we managed to get them all seated and fed and everyone is being friendly and well-behaved. As the night goes on, the bride is slowly becoming so drunk she can barely stand and has changed from her wedding dress into a very scant pink negligée with a tutu skirt (second red flad).

She’s also given up on using the bathroom so she loudly announces she will be relying solely upon nature wees from this point onwards. Before midnight we are nearly out of spirits—the guests are ordering shots every round (I’d tried to deny service but my manager was having none of it and as the hotel was struggling they wanted to make as much money as possible). By now, they’ve shotted us out of almost everything (Blue WKDS are long gone but the groom has a lovely blue smile at this point).

After the bride finally gives up trying to shot disgusting liquors that have likely been there since the hotel was built, they head to the dance floor. The party starts winding down and it’s time for the last dance but the bride decides she’d prefer to have this with a male wedding guest, which really pisses off the groom. She then loudly announces she’ll be throwing an after-party in their suite and everyone is invited in the hot tub—funnily enough, the groom isn’t thrilled and kicks off.

Another member of staff manages to calm everyone down and convinces the DJ to play the last dance song once more before he leaves and the groom agrees. Everyone starts packing up and the bride comes back from her room in her third outfit of the night, a nice grey stained tracksuit. She’s adamant she wants another cigarette before bed (god knows how many packs she went through that day—especially sad considering the money for the wedding came from her parent’s inheritance who both died of cancer).

She can’t find a lighter and becomes irate screaming at the groom for one. Groom claims he doesn’t have one but not taking no for an answer she rifles through his pockets and finds one. Holding it aloft she screams at him that he’s a liar and slaps him clean across the face. The groom obviously not having enjoyed this returns the favor and punches her in the face.

The best man spots this and leaps across a sofa and tackles the groom to the floor. They’re now having a full-on fistfight whilst the bride sobs incoherently. I try and get out of the way as I’m being trampled by Mr. WKD and his scummy friend. My supervisor storms in saying he found coke in the bathroom and the police are on their way. The best man is off like a robber’s dog and the groom stands there stunned and then follows his new wife into the function room.

But it wasn’t over yet—not by a long shot. We then hear screaming and shouting from that room and the bride has picked up a chair and launched it at her husband and was now holding a second one trying to attack him with it. At this point, it’s about 2 AM and I am royally done with the day. My mum is waiting for me outside so I grab my bag and head off giving my supervisor strict instructions to tell me exactly how this night ends when I’m back for my next shift.

I pass a riot van of police officers on the way out of the door, direct them to the drama, and go home. Next shift, I’m informed that an ambulance arrived shortly after the police. The groom was taken to the hospital after sustaining a head injury but he did a runner from the paramedics when he got to the hospital. The bride stayed at the hotel and to console herself, spent the night with the male wedding guest she danced with.

They left together in the morning and a week later announced on Facebook she was in a new relationship with him.

CorkleSchmorkle

31. The Bride Everyone Hated

My friend (groom) was getting married to this awful girl we all hated. They broke up during the rehearsal dinner after arguing about the order the groomsmen would stand in (she wanted her brother higher in the order). Wedding still happened the next day, even though they were “broken up.” We all show up to the church not knowing if the bride would show or what the heck would happen.

She shows up, pastor asks for the objections, and her mom objects—yells something about how the groom is a piece of garbage and isn’t welcome in her family. Mom leaves the church and dad and brother leave after her. Bride is just standing there staring at the groom with a real smug look on her face and says, “Told you that you should have put my brother second in line instead of fifth.”

Pastor doesn’t know what to do, but just kind of keeps on trucking and eventually they’re married. Drank a ton at the reception, we all did. Also, they’re divorced now, didn’t even make it a whole year. Never saw that coming…

gc_5678

32. The Jerry Springer Like Wedding

My wife dragged me to a wedding that I did NOT want to be at years ago but I’m forever grateful that she did because I was able to witness one of the greatest spectacles of human drama that has ever taken place. This was like an episode of Jerry Springer mixed with Cops. The bride’s LOVER spoke up at that moment and yelled, “I’ll be damned if I’m going to keep my mouth shut and let you steal my woman, you sorry piece of garbage!”

This deranged old redneck proceeds to come at the groom WITH A PISTOL threatening to shoot him if he doesn’t give her up. It wasn’t a huge wedding, maybe 40 or so people, but every single one of them went screaming and running. Maybe two people stayed and called the cops. I grabbed my wife’s hand and we retreated outside to watch the rest of the scene unfold from the church window.

jjett89

33. The Sibling Who Just Wanted to Know What Would Happen

I went to a wedding when I was five. It was between my older brother and his fiancée. Anyways, they said the whole “speak now” spiel and right before he was done, little five-year-old me said, “I OBJECT!” And everyone turned to me. I was dead silent because I didn’t know what would happen. My dad asked me “Well, why do you object?”

I said, “I did not know what would happen if I did” and I was promptly seated.

Camero32

34. Object…If You Dare…

My cousin was big into bodybuilding when he was younger and has always been really tall. Around the time he got married, he was probably 6’6” 260 lbs. I was 18 at the time and I’ll never forget. When the priest asked, “Are there any objections to this union,” my cousin turned to the crowd and opened his arms wide and gestured as if daring someone to object.

The whole place erupted in laughter. It was amazing.

AviatorNine

35. Was it a Message from God?

I was at an outdoor ceremony once with a storm coming in. The pastor was trying to move things along so that we wouldn’t get caught in the rain (the reception was indoors). He asked if anyone knows of any objection, and instantly, there was a loud clap of thunder. To his credit, the pastor just paused a moment and then said: “Anyone else? Alright, in that case…” and finished the ceremony.

yshavit

36. You Can’t Leave Even if You Tried

It was the groom himself. He just stood up there and started crying and, in front of everyone, told the bride that he’d fallen out of love with her a while before but he didn’t know how to break it off. It was absolutely unbearable. They both stepped out and ten minutes later came back out and got married because she’d apparently told him she was pregnant.

They’re still together with three kids. and I’m not sure about the husband but I can confirm that the wife is having an affair. Neither of them is happy but she has a comfortable life and he doesn’t have the spine to leave.

naked_nun_run

37. The Best Man Tried to Warn Him

True story: My Father has been married five times and at the last wedding it happened—twice. July 7th, 2007, the family and friends began to gather; all of us taking turns trying to talk him out of marrying the woman he had only met a few months before, but his mind was set. Since the date was so popular and arrangements were made so late, the “minister” was a used car salesman with a certificate from an online site. A good start.

The wedding and reception were held in my father’s backyard that happened to be right next door to his best friend, which he proves to be that day. I was resigned to my fate of best man that day (my first and only time with that honor) when the ceremony began. My father began with a speech explaining how two people could meet and fall in love in such a short time and that he knew it was hard to believe.

And that’s when his best friend, just in time from his fishing trip, raised his Tanqueray and tonic to ask, “Is this the part where we object? Cause I’d like to!” In all my life I’ve never witnessed the mix of relief/shock/humor/horror and all the other emotions this stirred. My sister cried, his friends laughed, her family cringed, but my sweet grandmother was so stoic that I’ll never forget.

My father calmly said, “No, Bud, not yet,” and went on; he began to talk about other relationships and people and how he knew this a marriage that would last. And that’s when our hero spoke again, “How about now? I REALLY need to object to this!” The same sentiment was felt throughout and yet my father replied, “No, Bud, we’re not doing that,” and then turned to the minster and said, “We should probably skip that part.”

The ceremony went on and so did the marriage—for about six months. Should’ve listened…

Mr_Scratchwell

38. The Bride Tried and Failed

I was a groomsman at a wedding two years ago. The bride and groom had been together for right around four years. They decided to write their own vows. The groom went through his. They were sweet as anything. He is a really great dude. The wife decided that during the vows is the appropriate time to let him, and everyone else know, that he would soon be a father.

Everyone was crying and hugging. It was a pretty cool moment (especially being from the Midwest/bible belt where that kind of thing normally gets frowned upon). Everything was going great up until a point in the reception where the bride was talking to a friend of hers telling her how excited she was to be having a girl.

Somehow, no one caught this except the groom who got up, threw his drink at the wall and shattered it. Called his new wife stupid and told her she was a cheating witch and stormed out. The bride started crying and swore she never cheated on him and couldn’t believe he was ruining their special day. The other groomsmen and I ran outside to see what was up with him and then it hit all of us at the same time. She was 16 weeks pregnant…and he had only been home from Afghanistan for eight weeks.

She didn’t think that anyone would catch that and was somehow going to try and convince her husband they were having the baby early. I have not heard much from him or her since the wedding, but it was heavily rumored that the pregnancy was a result of a one-night stand with one of my buddy’s cousins.

morphineseason

39. From Horror to Happiness

About two years ago I attended a wedding in Nice, France. It was my older cousin getting married to his girlfriend. She (the fiancé) was French and so is my cousin’s dad. However, my aunty is from Scotland. So my cousin, James, the groom, is half French, half Scottish. Anyway, an argument ensued before the wedding as my family wanted the wedding to be in Scotland and my cousin’s dad and future-wife wanted it to be in France.

They settled in France and to say the very least; my family was not happy. Me and my mum were happy for the excuse to go to France but my extended family was FUMING! They just could not get over it. Anyway, we got to France two days before the wedding. On the day we went to a beautiful converted barn in Nice and waited as the barn filled up with family and friends.

My extended family wasn’t there and my cousin’s dad was fuming that they’d refused to come due to it not being in Scotland. My cousin stood nervously awaiting his future wife and she came out and all went smoothly. They began the vows and when it came the time to object, almost in impeccable timing, the door to the barn burst open and in came 15-20 members of my extended family dressed in kilts and three of them brandishing bagpipes.

They stormed down the aisle playing the bagpipes (badly) and singing the Scottish anthem and football chants. Everyone in the barn turned horrified to see them storming around and singing. The bride laughed hysterically but my cousin didn’t look happy. Then, my great uncle took to the stage and said, “Ah wee James. I was gan ta skelp yer wee behind but we decided it best tae join the festivities. Congratulations from us all! The Scottish lot are en toon and were here for the free bar and some frogs legs aye!”

People erupted with laughter and even the French side of my family had a giggle. The wedding continued as normal and the beautiful, elegant reception was overrun with kilt-wearing clowns singing and dancing at every opportunity. It was a grand night and one I’ll never forget. Aye!

Permalink

40. The Ultimate Soap Opera Plot Twist

One of my girlfriends was getting married and the groom’s brother stood up and objected because he was sleeping with the bride and announced undying love for her. Then the bride’s stepsister stood up and announced, since he admitted to sleeping with her sister, that she was pregnant with the groom’s baby. Everyone fell completely quiet and no one knew what to say.

They ended up getting married anyway. The surprise twist is the brother and the stepsister got married a year later it was a small private ceremony.

msalexystaylor

41. The Fun Fake-Out

Yes, but it was scripted beforehand. Our friends decided that weddings are kind of boring and they wanted to have more fun with theirs. So, when the officiant asked the question, a man stood up and started dramatically declaring his love for the bride, ran up to the altar, and begged her to choose him instead. He said he’d make all her dreams come true.

My husband (the best man) stabbed the guy in the back with a stage dagger. He fell to the ground and the groomsmen dragged his limp body off to the side. And then the service continued. It was epic.

acorngirl

42. No One Objected…But…

Musician here, play frequently at weddings, this was by far my worst one ever (not at the moment of “speak now” but still pretty impressive). Groom books my string quartet for the entire day (ceremony, drinks, meal). All seems to go well, though you can tell the groom’s family is much more well-off than the bride’s and she seems to love attention. But either way, ceremony and drinks went without a hitch, everyone seemed very happy.

Fast-forward to the meal. We played through the whole thing and as we were packing up, they started speeches. Usually, we’d have left by this point but our stuff was in a little side-room off the banquet room separated only by salon-style swing doors and we had no way of getting out unless we walked awkwardly between the guests’ tables and so we decided to stay put until the speeches were over and listen in.

Best Man and Father of the Bride’s speeches went well and then it was left to the groom. He thanked everyone for coming and then said that for his speech he needed everyone to open the envelopes that had been placed on the tables (we’d noticed these on the way in but hadn’t thought anything of it). There was an excited bustling as people appointed someone on each table to open the envelopes, followed shortly by a very quick change in the atmosphere.

Someone gasped and another person audibly said, “What the heck is this?!” amongst the general confusion. The groom gets back on the microphone and says, “Yes, I’m sorry to say that what you see in these pictures has been going on for about two months. Needless to say, I will be annulling the marriage. Thank you all for coming.”

Turns out the bride had been having an affair with the best man and the groom had found out and hired a private investigator to photograph them at it. He’d printed the pictures and put them in the envelopes. Of course, chaos ensued. The groom dropped mic and bailed immediately. The bride’s mother threw red wine all over her dress and kept screaming that she was a “lady of leisure,” along with an awful lot of things alluding to the fact that her daughter would never find another good, rich man again.

The groom’s two brothers beat up the best man pretty badly. There was a lot of screaming and glass-throwing. The bride was crying uncontrollably and everyone left as it was so awkward. We just hid in our little side room until everyone had gone and then emerged, slightly shell-shocked, to inspect the pictures. There could be no doubt as to what was happening in them.

The groom emailed us a few days later and apologized to us as he realized we’d got stuck. He explained that he’d only found out a couple weeks before the wedding, and having paid for everything with little chance of refunds, he just decided to go ahead with it and out her so that she couldn’t twist the story to her family after the fact.

How he made it through the entire wedding I will never know, but it certainly made for an interesting day at work.

BRM88

Sources: 1, 2


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