Everyone has had that moment where they walk into a party, look around, and realize it’s going to be a long night: They just don’t fit in. Whether it’s our clothes, an off-hand comment, or the way we look, something gives us away. These Redditors went through that exact moment in different situations and lived to tell the tale. So here’s to the weirdos.
1. One Wild Party
A friend invited me to a party at his friend’s place. Everyone was dressed in animal masks while wearing black tie formal for some reason. My friend seemed confused that I was dressed normally. I do not speak to him anymore. I still don’t know what the deal with that place was, and I honestly don’t want to know.
2. Make Yourself at Home
One day, I started unbuttoning and unzipping my trousers while I walked towards the toilet, just like I do at home because I’m efficient like that. Except I was at work, and was walking through the shared office. Never got so many dirty looks in my life.
3. Just Browsing
One day, I walked into the Hollister store. Touched one thing. Entire rack comes crashing to the floor. Walked out immediately.
4. Back or Bust
My friend and her family were living at a country club while their house was being built—yeah, they were incredibly rich. One day, I went to pick her up and say hi to her parents. Except because I was wearing jeans, they forced me to use the employee entrance. That taught me I would never understand the wealthy.
5. The Prodigal Son Returns
One time, I came home to Florida to surprise my parents and have a nice little visit with them. I unlocked the front door…and witnessed a horrifying sight. Turns out, I walked in on them getting it on in the living room. Obviously, I then turned right around and started walking down the street. We never spoke of it again.
6. Expectation, Meet Reality
In fourth grade, I went to “Hip Hop” dance after school. I was so excited. All I pictured was the rap music videos I was obsessed with playing over us dancing and having fun. Well, when I got to the cafeteria, there was nothing but girls. I hadn’t realized it was a girl thing, and my dad just sat there and laughed at me the whole time.
7. Cat Got Your Tongue?
I was supposed to read a Shel Silverstein poem as a talent show performance in fourth grade. Instead, I ended up walking out to the mic, completely forgetting every single word of the poem, and walking back off stage without saying anything. My parents were in the audience, of course. I’ve never asked them about it since.
8. Third Wheeling It
My weirdest “I Don’t Belong” moment has to be when my friend and her mom started having a shouting match while we were all in the car. It was very long, heated, and loud, and I just had to sit there in the back seat awkwardly. Of course, It was made even more awkward when I realized I was actually on her mom’s side.
9. My Condolences
My mom is a nurse, and is just one of the kindest people ever, so she frequently becomes friends with the patients’ family members. If that patient passes, she often gets invited to funeral. She typically doesn’t go, but one patient was a really good person and the family was great too, so she did. She didn’t want to go alone, so I went with her.
I walked with her up to the casket, then left and stood outside while she talked to the family, because obviously I didn’t belong there. I made small talk with the other guys standing outside, then the question that I should have been expecting comes up. “So how do you know [deceased guy]?” I gave the worst possible response.
“I’m sorry, who’s that?” Their expression dropped, and then I stupidly said, “Oh yeah, him,” while pointing to the funeral home. I explained the situation and we laughed about it, but that was so awkward.
10. Don’t Call Me, I’ll Call You
I had this job interview during my senior year of college. They took all the candidates to a group dinner with some partners in the firm. It was there I learned that all the candidates were in Ivy League schools and I was the only candidate from a public university. The meal was easily $100+ per person.
One of the candidates was even president of Harvard’s grad club, or something of that sort. They were talking about everything from drink pairings, caviars, and riding camels in Morocco. One partner at the firm mentioned how she likes to stay for the credits during films so she can see the names of her friends pop up. Didn’t get the job.
11. We All Start Somewhere
When I was in my late 20s, I wanted to learn to play guitar, and found out about a class for beginner sessions for adults. Call up, they say yeah come along, we have a mixed group and we will see you in the morn. Great. I turn up to this little church-like building on time and head in. The receptionist guy says, “Oh hey, take a seat and we will get going in a minute.”
Please note, I’m first to arrive. At the time, I noticed that the seats were tiny, but I didn’t think anything of it. The next minute, a group of small children rush in and take their places with their guitars. They’re like 5-6 years old. I’m feeling SO awkward, like I’m Tom Hanks in Big, and I want to get out as soon as possible.
Still, I was too polite to just get up and walk out, and the teacher starts the lesson. Of course, the worst part is that these little snots are all 10 times better than me. Oh, and then the teacher announces that we’ll be getting up on stage after the lesson to “Show what we’ve learned.” Still, I’m committed now and think maybe it won’t be so bad…
…Until the door opens and all of the parents walk in to watch the “show.” So there I was—sitting on a little chair with my knees higher than my head, strumming along to some tune I couldn’t play surrounded by 5-6 year-olds and parents looking at me with that face you know wants to laugh.
The look of one particular parent is engraved into my soul, like a mixture of trying to hold laugh in, mixed with “Dude, you messed up,” mixed with “I can’t wait to tell my friends about this.” “Mixed Group” my butt. I have no idea how this went from “mixed” to a group of 5-6-year-olds, but I didn’t want to say anything even at the end because all the kids and parents were still there.
I just wanted to get out of there as quickly possible! Did I carry on? With that group—no way! With guitar? Kind of but not really. YOU try that as your first experience.
12. A Vicious Cycle
I was in Japan as a confused white tourist lost in Osaka. I had a map and couldn’t find my bearings, until I noticed in the middle of a sea of bicycles there was a little post with a map on it. Stupid, stupid me thinks “I’ll just weave through these 300, unchained bikes and have a look.” Well, my ridiculously oversized backpack put an end to that dream.
I knocked them all over. It had created a domino effect, and because nobody chains their bikes in Japan, they all slid and skidded. It was the most horrific moment of my life. Luckily, I was in Japan, so in seconds I had passersby helping me balance them again. It probably took 10 minutes to get them all up again. The worst.
13. One of the Guys
In 2007, I went to what I thought was my first AA meeting. It was being held at a church, and when I walked into where the meeting was supposed to take place, there were 5-6 other men sitting down. I’m nervous and new to this, but I took a seat, and after a couple of moments pass, the meeting starts. Everything seemed fine so far.
If my memory is correct, I was asked to introduce myself. So I get up, shaking a little and not feeling ready but knowing I need to do it. I say in as loud a voice as I can muster, “My name is John, and I’m an alcoholic.” Everyone looked at me like I was a ghost—then I found out why. After a few moments, one of the men let me know that I was at a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting.
I apologized and left. Felt really weird about it at the time, but now I just laugh about it.
14. Guardian Angel
My first holiday in foster care was Christmas 2010. I was 14 years old and a freshman in high school. I missed my family and I didn’t know anyone there except my foster parents. I felt completely like an alien among 50 people. I was young, scared, and alone. So I went on my phone, and my foster mom raised her voice and told me to get off.
That made me snap and I started tearing up, so I went outside in the cold to cry by myself so I wouldn’t make a scene. I cried behind a car in the dark in the snow that fell a few days prior. And then it was like a miracle happened. This old man comes outside and calmly talks to me. He tells me that he used to be in foster care, too.
I don’t remember what he said exactly, but he made me laugh and feel a little better. That old man turned out to be who I would call Grandpa Earnie a few years down the road. He passed a couple of years ago, but he always made sure everyone felt welcomed and always would break tension with a joke that made everyone laugh.
He went through his own nightmare growing up, and he did his best to make sure no one else had to.
15. Imposter Syndrome
I just dropped everything to pursue a career in art. It’s been my dream to open up a shop and to make things and paint. I’ve been drawing all of my life and I’m honestly not bad. A few weeks ago, I joined a local artists collective. The first meeting, we were showing our art, and when I looked around, my heart just dropped.
Everyone had these gallery-level social justice pieces, and there I was with my greeting card and wedding art. I’ve always struggled with confidence and imposter syndrome, but it hit me hard just how out of my league this group was. I’m staying in it because I think it will challenge me to expand and grow, but darn do I feel incompetent every time I see them.
16. Step-Daddy’s Little Girl
My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 8 years old, so 20 years. My dad has a girlfriend who he’s recently moved in with. She has adult children and young grandchildren. Anyway, it was my dad’s birthday a little while ago, and I went over to see him. While I was there, more of his girlfriend’s family turned up.
I always knew I didn’t fit in with them, but this is where it really hit me. My dad has kept us very separate until the last 12 months. I’ve worked really hard on my relationship with my dad over the last few years. I thought he wasn’t able to give me what I wanted in a relationship because that’s just who he is, and I had to come to terms with that. But that day, I found out the dark truth.
That’s not how he is at all. He has that relationship with his partner’s children and grandkids, and I sat there feeling ridiculously out of place. I didn’t fit in. He only lives 25 minutes away, but they’ve all made very little effort with me, yet they all see each other a lot. They have inside jokes and camaraderie we have never had.
I left after four hours, driving back to my home with tears in my eyes, wondering why I was so upset. And then I realised, it’s because, once again, it’s just another situation where I don’t fit in. And I’m not going lie, that little 8-year-old girl inside of me cried a lot for a week or so. It was by far the worst “I don’t fit in here” experience I’ve had yet. It broke my heart a little, actually.
17. Ahoy, Matey
I was at a low point in my life. Unemployed, no support, hungry, and dressed in worn working-class clothing. I was out with a buddy, who had as little class as I did at the time. We somehow had managed to find a few dollars and figured we should go have a drink. Unfortunately, the place we went to was full of sailors. And I don’t mean the regular kind.
Not burly longshoremen, not Popeye or anything like that. No, these were worse. These were the kind of sailors who owned and raced yachts. We go in, walk out to the patio, and stop. Everyone there was white. Everyone there was dressed in white. The entire patio went quiet, and literally everyone stared at us.
We immediately turned tail and left. I think we ended up sharing a bottle of cheap stuff under a bridge that day. Funny thing, is I bet we had much more fun under that bridge than we would have had surrounded by all those clean young snoticals.
18. Poor Guys Finish Last
My now-ex-wife and I are “car people,” so to speak. One year, we decided to go to a car show and check out all of the awesome stuff. Life had been good to us lately, so we sprang for the super VIP tickets, which included “VIP parking.” As I was being directed to the parking areas, in a dirt field, I was getting a little annoyed at having paid $750 a piece to park my Audi S5 in the dirt.
Yeah, that feeling went away the second I was directed to park next to a Ferrari 458, which was next to another Ferrari, next to an SLS AMG, next to a McLaren, next to an etc….I had easily the cheapest car in the “lot.” Ok, fine. We walk over to the “VIP Brunch Tent” because hey, I’m gonna get every dime of value I can out of these tickets.
Did you ever see “The Mick”? That was me and my wife around all these super-rich people. I felt so out of place there, and it was pretty clear we didn’t belong. Totally shunned by most of the staff, we got a little tipsy on the “free” mimosas, ate our body weight in bacon, then went to the actual car show stuff.
I guarantee “white trash” was used to refer to us at one point, though in any other setting we probably wouldn’t have stood out at all. The rest of the event was pretty cool, but the “VIP” stuff felt so uncomfortable.
19. To Serve and Defect
I had just started a waitressing job, and while I was waiting to interview, I actually saw a group of the wait-staff looking at me and whispering to each other. I needed the job, so I didn’t care at the time. In hindsight. I should have got up and walked right out. For one thing, I was hired, so I then had to deal with them every day.
Of course, I then ended up embarrassing myself constantly in front of them, and they never wasted an opportunity to snigger. While working there, I failed the menu test and had to retake it. For some reason, the manager told them and they started bugging me about it, just always mentioning it and making sure I didn’t forget.
I worked there part-time for about two years, and they would belittle me every chance they got. I was a good worker, polite, and helped them any way I could, but they still ostracized me. That was four years ago, and I still can’t wrap my head around what could have made them hate me so much. Never felt so happy to quit a job.
20. Well, That’s Rich
I went to a classical music concert in a fancy manor house of sorts at the border between Scotland and England. They served some food in between the “acts” of the concert where you would sit at small tables to have it. I was the only one below the age of like 60 and everyone looked very posh. When I tried to make small talk, the old ladies straight-up ignored me.
21. Not Like the Other Girls
I was a young woman who worked for an environmental justice non-profit—so basically, a very hippie-chick kind of girl. We helped out at an event at the Sundance Film Festival. At this event, there was a person who was working the ticketing. Me, being the technologically-challenged nature lady that I was, had a hard time logging into the Wi-fi.
Anyway, the dude gave me his email, and after the festival we became email pen-pals. Fast forward a few months, and I’m planning another event in NYC for said organization. Dude lives in NYC, and we make plans to hang out. I also ended up staying at his apartment, but a guest room. We hang out, hold hands walking around NYC.
I’m still a hippie chick environmentalist, he’s not really, but it’s fun and we like each other. A little bit after that, he invites me to his friend’s extended weekend get-together at some ranch in New Mexico. I can fly for free because my dad works for an airline, so I say yes and meet up with him for the weekend. Big mistake.
I get to the airport, meet up with the dude and his friends. First thing, we had a private “party bus” to the ranch. Weird, but okay. I get there, and the place is an actual mansion with “servants” and all of that. His friends are rich bros with super-model girlfriends. Like, some of them were actual professional models. And I am…not.
It was the most awkward weekend for me the vegetarian, hippie-chick, environmental justice, non-profit working, poor person, not-supermodel self, could have ever had.
22. Skater Girl
When I was 12, I didn’t know how to skate, so my parents decided to take me down to the local arena and sign me up for some skating lessons. As I was the first child, my parents had never looked into kids’ skating lessons before. So, somehow, my parents managed to mix up the “canskate” program with “power skating.” You probably see where this is going…
So here I am, a 12-year-old girl just blossoming into my awkward teen years, in my favorite puffy blue sweater and new skates. I get out onto the ice and all I see is…Massive hockey guys. They were so astounded at my parents’ mistake that they were too shocked to even laugh at me. In other words, it was supremely awkward.
I stuck the class out for a few weeks and bought all the hockey gear. I even stayed in power skating for four years after that, though I never played hockey. Even won an award for most improved, so silver linings I guess.
23. Put a Ring on It
My wife and I divorced, spent time apart, and eventually reconciled. We stayed close, both figuratively as friends, and literally as we had apartments next-door to each other. Then, we decided to save on expenses after she lost her job, and moved in together. We really liked our approach to the relationship being one of choice, and held off remarrying.
This worked for us until she discovered a lump on her breast. Without insurance, she had to go through the charity system in our city. So one day, I’m sitting in this charity waiting room and realizing “Nah, we don’t belong here.” I’d kept her off my insurance for stupid reasons, and I realized I had to get her back on. Today is actually our anniversary.
24. Fancy Feast
The building that I work in has an “exclusive cafeteria,” and by exclusive I mean that it is ONLY for employees of the insurance company that occupies floors 10 through 18 of our building. It is NOT for us lowly administrative employees of a major cancer center that occupies floors 5 through 10. But we’ve heard rumors about it.
Like, we have all heard rumors its delicious fresh food plated in a manner rivaling the fanciest Michelin star restaurants—all for low, low prices. So of course, I had to go. The cafeteria is situated on the 15th floor. I got in the elevator, only to find that I couldn’t access the 15th floor without a badge. The button simply will not go.
Cue me riding up and down the elevator for 10 minutes until I was fortunate enough to ride with a Chosen One with a badge. Sweet, forbidden cafeteria food awaits! So I casually follow this person off the elevator, lurking behind them as they badge into the cafeteria, which encompasses the ENTIRE floor in all its exclusive glory.
I quietly slip in, hiding my own lowly badge in my cardigan. Once inside, I marvel over my choices. So much delicious food everywhere! A pasta station! Salad bar! A fresh grill! Fresh pizza! Daily specials! An array of smoked meats! I’m in heaven as I blissfully make my way through my selections up to the cashier.
At this point, I’m terrified and thinking that she is going to ask to see my ID, but she doesn’t! I pay for my food, a meager sum of 7.00 or 8.00 dollars for a king’s ransom in deliciousness. I’m thinking that I have pulled off the greatest heist of our time, and I make a break for the exit. This is where it all unraveled.
It was then that I discovered you do not only need a badge to get in, you also need to use your badge to get OUT. Here I am with my ill-begotten bounty and I am TRAPPED! The door is locked and now heads are turning in my direction. They know! I have been discovered! I had to think quickly to save myself from shame.
My only recourse at that point was to hover, head down, around the condiment station, gathering random ketchups and soy sauce until some unsuspecting people decided to legitimately exit the cafeteria. I dashed out behind them, my face awash with embarrassment, and loitered in the hallway until they left in the elevator.
At that point, I returned to the 6th floor in shame and enjoyed my semi-cold forbidden food. And that was when I felt like I truly did not belong in a cafeteria.
25. Party Foul
I went to a party thrown by a friend of mine who happened to be gay (I’m straight). It was a great party, pretty much just our co-workers and their partners. As the night went on people started leaving, and those few of us who remained sat down on his couch and chairs to continue drinking. Eventually, I looked around and realized that it was just me and 5-6 other guys, all gay.
Some of them started laughing and taking their shirts off, but they were too polite to go further or say anything to me. I still didn’t really get the hint. After about 15 minutes of sitting fully-clothed among a bunch of bare-chested men who wanted nothing to do with me, I finally got a clue and excused myself. My host let out a sigh of relief.
26. Teardrops on My Guitar
When I was in middle school and high school, I went to the local music shop for guitar lessons. Pretty much everyone in the store knew who I was, but I was pretty shy, so I never really talked to anyone. Well, one day while waiting for my teacher to finish up the lesson for the person before me, I was walking around looking at the guitars in the shop with my guitar slung over my shoulder.
I didn’t realize how close I was to the display, but when I turned around, the neck of my guitar got hooked behind one of the guitars up on the wall. That guitar, along with about four or five other ones, fell to the ground. Man, talk about wishing you had the ability to disappear completely. Every week after that I had to walk into the store while everyone pegged me as “the kid that knocked over the guitar display.” A literal “don’t fit” moment.
27. Double Take
Back when I still had long hair, I lost a friend named Tony. In a lot of ways, Tony and I were meant to be friends. Tony—like me—had long hair and was known for going around fully kilted. That is, fully dressed in a kilt uniform along with leggings, a short-coat, all that. We both did it for almost no darn reason at all, but we liked it.
We arrived at events similarly kilted more often than not. So when I showed up at his funeral, I showed up fully kilted out of respect for Tony. What I never realized was just how similar we were in appearance, right down to the long hair. That is, until his sister ran up to me crying that she thought Tony had walked into the room.
Before that, she had stared at me for 10 minutes before she finally came over to talk to me. Turns out, more than a few people at the party mistook me for Tony at first glance. Oddly enough, with his amazing sense of humor, Tony himself would’ve found it to be really darn funny I think. I admit, I laughed a little. Tony rocked.
28. Lesson Learned
I thought I was arriving early for class, about 10 minutes early or so. Class was in a huge lecture hall. I go in, the lights are dimmed and the teacher is already going through a PowerPoint. I think that’s a bit odd, but I keep walking down the stairs to the front row, getting some rather strange looks from people who have already sat down.
Finally, I reach the front row, sit down, get my notebook out and open it up. I then look up at the PowerPoint, realize that I have never seen anything resembling this material before, say “Oh!” out loud, then stand up and walk through the doors. Yep, definitely went to the completely wrong class and made a fool of myself.
29. That’s What We Call a Canadian Stalemate
My most recent girlfriend’s family was HUGELY into hockey. I’m from New York City and don’t particularly like sports to begin with, although I do know a bit about baseball. However, I know absolutely nothing about hockey except that there’s ice, a puck, skating, and fights. I was sitting in a small little farmhouse room with a whole bunch of Canadians ranting about hockey, and I had no idea what was going on.
30. Boom Goes the Dynamite
I was at the State Fair in Illinois, and they were having a slam dunk competition in the middle of the fair. It was open enrolment, so my best friend somehow convinced me to sign up for said slam-dunk competition. There were two big problems with this. First, I was a 5-foot-tall, 13-year-old white kid. Second, I wasn’t very good at dunking.
The next day, we show up. I have no idea why I’m even there, but I’m trying my best. I’m laced head-to-toe in Nike gear, as much as a suburban white kid could afford, like it’s somehow going to help me with what’s about to come. This is when it begins to sink in that I just made a huge freaking mistake and there’s no going back…
I glance around and it looks like I’m in the middle of Love & Basketball. As I’m about to make a run for it off the field, they call my name and I get handed a ball. Too late now. To paint a picture, I was like the Rooster on the Tune Squad from Space Jam surrounded by MonStars. But everybody’s watching me, so I have to try my “best.”
I then proceeded to jog down the court and perform the most disappointing layup you have ever seen, which started with me jumping as high as possible before realizing that a dunk simply wasn’t happening. My friend never let me live it down, even though it was all his big idea in the first place. Thanks for nothing, Kyle.
31. False Advertising
I’m from Boston and went to college down south. My freshman year, I saw a poster for a coffee house and thought to myself “Hmm, I like coffee and want to meet new people, so why not?” So I show up for the coffee house and everyone was super nice…until, that is, it turned into a youth ministry meeting. Yep, I got tricked into going to a church service…I’m Jewish. There wasn’t even any coffee either.
32. Greek Grudge
In my freshman year of college, my roommate invited me to a party. Great, right? Well, it ended up being for sorority and fraternity members only. I was the only person at that party not in a “house.” Like, the only person. I was constantly asked what house I belonged to, and was subsequently given a look of disgust each time I mentioned that I wasn’t part of the Greek system. But it got so much worse.
About 10 minutes in, a group of girls came up and told my roommate I had to leave. I mean, I would have gladly left already, but this was a party out in the middle of nowhere, like a 15-minute drive from campus. My roommate told them I wasn’t in a sorority, but that I was a cheerleader. Instantly, their demeanor changed and everyone was soooo nice to me and decided I could stay.
Well, that just made it so much worse for me. I was like, screw this! I got a ride back to campus with a random dude who happened to be leaving a few minutes later. No thanks.
33. Wrong Place, Wrong Time
Picture this if you will: This is seventh grade. You were late for school because you were watching some Simpsons on the TiVo while eating Lucky Charms, and lost track of time. You get there with five minutes left in second period, so why go to class at all? You have to pee, so with two minutes until the release from second period, you dash to the restroom.
All right here we g—What? Where is the urinal? Oh no…The bell rings…Everyone gets out just in time to see the kid who wasn’t in class coming out of the woman’s restroom.
34. I’m a Teenager, Get Me out of Here
Freshman year of high school, I went to homecoming with a group of friends. We are all little dweebs who didn’t party at all and had never tasted a drop of drink. Well, turns out that going to a dance completely sober is the worst idea possible, and the moment we entered the gym we wanted to get out ASAP. There was just one problem.
For some reason, they wouldn’t let anyone leave the event until 10:00 pm, and it was like 7:00 pm or something ridiculously early like that. Like, they actually had parents blocking all the exits to prevent kids from leaving. To get out, we had to pull some 007 super spy stuff, but we managed it. Was so glad to escape and not have to smell that sweaty, desperate air anymore.
35. Behind the Eight Ball
I was in genetics lab at school one day, and to me the procedure we were doing was so massively complicated that I could barely get it even with weeks of studying behind me. Here’s the thing: I am not a smart man. The capsules we were working with were so small, the names things had were so long, everything was so intimidating.
Even worse, I was surrounded by people who were so much more focused, motivated, and capable than I was. I was literally—and by “literally” I mean “motherfreaking literally”—the stupidest person in the room, and possibly on the floor of the lab.
I am not degrading myself when I say that. The professor verbally recapped our assignment, and what we were supposed to do, and I did not absorb a single word. I eventually had to get up, swallow my pride, and admit to him that nothing for the past 90 minutes had stuck, and that I was yet to begin the procedure.
He had to stop what he was doing just to walk me through the whole process over again. Everyone was looking at me. I sat down and felt like I was in middle school again.
36. Teacher Treachery
When I was a little tot, I left my Duck Tales fanny pack in the cubbie of my Kindergarten class. It was my favorite, so I went back after school to get it—only to find, to my horror, that there was another class in there. In my class. I felt so betrayed that my teacher also taught another class, I just stood there shocked for 30 seconds before grabbing my fanny-pack and running away crying.
37. The Family Secret
My “I don’t fit in” moment was when I finally realized that my family was white and I’m Asian. I had no idea I was adopted until I was in middle school. I just got stared at a lot by other kids and asked why my face was so different from the rest of my family. It hurt my feelings, but I never felt less like I belonged than when that realization finally hit me.
38. Face the Music
There was one time I went to Zumba, which is like a dance exercise class that people are really obsessed with. Well, I didn’t know this, and it turns out all of the other women there were regulars. They knew the dance moves by heart and were all having fun, whereas I had no idea what I was doing. That would have been bad enough, but then they twisted the knife in.
As I was leaving after it was over, I overheard them laughing at me, and my dance moves, and how lost I was during the class. I haven’t been back since.
39. Gap Year Gaffe
I went traveling around the world for a year, just bumming around and experiencing life. I networked like mad to find people in every country who had some vague relation to someone else I knew. While I was in Nepal, I got set up with this woman who worked for the State Department. One day, she invites me to this dinner.
I show up as a completely grubby backpacker, and it’s all US Embassy staff, high level Nepalese government officials, the Russian ambassador to Nepal, and the head of the UNESCO World Heritage program in Nepal.” Majorly important people doing majorly important things. When they ask me what I did, I had to respond “Umm…literally nothing.”
40. All That Glitters Is Not Gold
At 17 years old, I was working at a fancy bank even though my teenage employment history was a mix of Subway, Sears, and Walmart. I bought all the nice clothes, all the shiny accessories, and a nice handbag so that I could be that banging teller and fit in with the other fancy girls. Turns out, these people were not people I wanted to “fit in” with.
Total disrespectful, snobby, materialistic witches. I kept up the act for six months, just trying to find my place there. It’s just that I couldn’t put aside my morals to start gossiping and relishing in negativity JUST so I could fit in. So I kept to myself, burning with self consciousness throughout the entire work day, crying my heart out at night, just to wake up and endure it all over again. So glad I quit that place.
41. The Art of Sparring
As a kid, I was really into painting and drawing. My mom asked if I wanted to take a “martial arts” class, and I jumped at the chance, thinking obviously she meant it was a visual art class. Yep, I showed up to class with my art supplies and was really confused. I remember the instructor had a strange BO that smelled like oatmeal. I did not go back.
42. Martial Mix-up
This is a strange moment, but…I kissed my wife’s best friend. It was totally innocent and something we laughed about. I had to take a bus to work every day at about 4 am. My wife usually drove me to the stop so that I didn’t have to leave my car there for 14 hours. Well, my wife’s friend was staying with us while she looked for a job and house in the area.
She was getting up early anyways, so she decided she would take me and let my wife sleep in. When we got to the stop, I just instinctively leaned over and kissed her goodbye. She had a dumbfounded look on her face, and mine instantly turned red as I realized what I’d done. I just said, “Sorry, it was a habit.” My wife poked fun at me for days for putting the moves on her friend.
43. Silver Linings
The first time I ever spoke in public was a debate competition when I was 13. I was so nervous, I peed myself in front of teachers, peers, opponents, other schools, judges, and any other descriptor for a person in that 200-person audience. I was embarrassed, but it helped in a way. I decided that nothing more embarrassing would happen if I spoke in public again, and now I have no fear of public speaking.
44. Everybody Poops
While in the middle of an important boardroom meeting at work one time, I audibly pooped myself. There were about seven or eight other people in the room and it happened while my boss was speaking. He stopped talking and there were some gasps. I didn’t know what to do other than profusely apologise and go home.
Next day, I apologised to my boss and told him I’d been ill. This was two years ago. I still work at the same company and it hurts every day, and I’ve never really been able to feel like I’ll fully fit in since. Still, I’ve also found a way to laugh about it, and maybe in another five years (hah), I’ll be over it and feel okay.
45. Red in the Face
When I was a little kid, I used to go to ladies’ washroom in my school because they were much cleaner than the boys’ washroom and I hate peeing outside of the stalls, so I figured why not? But one day, I saw something that made me never go back. The toilet water was filled with blood. My little boy mind couldn’t handle it, and I banished myself.
46. Talk About a Transformation
I’m a straight male, yet when the Transformers movie first came out, I didn’t realize Shia Labeouf and Megan Fox were different performers. I knew there was a “hot girl” in it, and I also knew that a person named Shia Labeouf was in it, who I thought was female. The worst part was, all my friends were really into the movie so they talked about it a lot.
Every time someone talked about the Transformers movie for a six-month period, I always commented on how hot Shia Labeouf was. I always got weird looks and never knew why. Finally, I saw a trailer and realized my mistake. Not one of my friends could have corrected me!?!
47. This Is a Test, and You Failed
I finished a section of the SAT early, and because it was an early morning test, I decided to take a quick 15-minute nap before the next section. While semi-asleep, I farted and startled myself awake in a totally silent classroom surrounded by 20 kids from my school. Looks of shock and terror, as well as muffled laughter, quickly filled the room. There was still over an hour to go in the test. Yep, really felt like I didn’t belong then.
48. Apres Ski, Screw You
I went on the company ski trip, which sounds more posh than it actually is, especially considering we have to pay for it out of our wages. Then I had to sit at a dinner table with the heads of the company and some other high-up people from different companies. The stuff they were talking about in terms of leisure activities were way out of my league.
When you try to join the conversation and you get a patronising smile from one of them who doesn’t engage with you, the conversation dries up pretty quickly. Finished my dinner and went right off to the bar.
49. The Good Neighbors
My boyfriend was just telling me about when he was a kid and was staying over at a friend’s house. Well, he stayed the night and the next day, without warning, they ended up going to a funeral and taking him with them. He said it was really awkward to be at an open casket funeral, unprepared, with everyone wailing around him. This was also his “first time I saw a body” story.
50. Home Sweet Home
I moved to my ex girlfriend’s small town from a completely different setting. Even though I didn’t fit in at all, I didn’t mind, because I wanted to support her dreams and help her succeed. I found out my mistake months later. She ended up cheating on me with her ex. When she told me why, my blood ran cold.
She said it was because it was her small town, everyone knew and supported her, and because “they belong together.” That one hurt.