The world can be a wild, wondrous, and even scary place, and there will always be times when we come up against something we don’t know or have never done before. But other times, people are just straight-up stupid. These Redditors witnessed jaw-dropping moments where someone simply didn’t understand the way the world works, and the results were hilarious.
1. Some People’s Families…
As a nanny, I worked for a clueless couple who had no idea how to raise a kid. He wore the same outfit every day for a month until I gently suggested that he needed new clothes. His parents asked me, “Where can we get baby clothes?” This was slightly hilarious given that they lived above a Target and next to a baby boutique.
I had to have the same conversation once the child was old enough for solid foods. I was asked, “Where can we get baby food?” I had to explain that most grocery stores carry a baby aisle, or that she can mash up her own fruits at home for the baby. This family decided that sour cream would be a great first food for their baby!
I’ll mention that this was a wealthy family who went on vacation at least 2-3 times a month. By far the weirdest thing they ever did was try and drop off Grandma at day care along with the baby.
2. A Wild Ride
I live in South America, and I once met an American tourist. When I asked her how it felt to be so far from home, she told me that she really isn’t that far because these “so-called foreign countries” are actually located within the United States, and they just fly the plane in circles for hours and hours to convince you that you’re in another country.
3. Ice Cold Calling
When working at a video game company, we had three trespassing incidents in just one summer. All three times, it was students from a nearby art school. And all three times, they snuck into the building to cold-crash the art director into a job interview. The first time, we just figured it was some young student oblivious to the multiple levels of security and protections around our IP.
He blended in with a bunch of company employees out in front during their break. When they started heading back in, he walked in with them. Once inside, this guy just started wandering the halls looking for an office with an “art director” plaque on it. This kid was let off with one heck of a stern warning, but nothing beyond that.
Very detailed emails went out to all employees to keep our eyes out for unfamiliar faces without badges, and to keep our own employee badges visible. A week later, it happened again. A student from the same campus walked in through the side door with a group, but they figured something was up. When they asked about his ID, he lied about having a job interview with the art director.
They tell him to stay put in the hall, but he doesn’t. He follows them anyway, right into the art director’s office. In the two seconds it takes the director to call security, this dope is already going 100 into his “tell you what, am I the artist for you!” pitch. He is told to never apply for our company, and his name gets shared with all associated dev studios under the publisher’s umbrella.
Again, emails go out, security is tightened, and side doors are now exit only. A month later, it happens again. We don’t even know the details. The company email didn’t specify how yet another random student from this art school managed to actually locate and sit himself down in our art director’s office. Even worse, this student entered his office while the art director was out at a meeting.
He just arrived, took a seat, and waited. When the art director returns to his sanctimonious keep, he is startled by an excited “Hello future employer!” Just…What the heck? At this point, the authorities are called. We have had enough of this, and a message needs to be sent. Stop trespassing into our offices, you idiots. The student is escorted out, and is met by two officers at the front door to take a report for yet another case of trespassing.
But as this student is getting questioned and processed, we discover what is happening. It all makes sense. We now know why it is this one particular art school. There was a teacher at that campus that was encouraging students to sneak in and force directors and managers into cold interviews. He explained to them how easy it is to just follow a group of employees in during their break, to just meander the halls aimlessly as long as you “look like you belong.”
He was giving them strategies and techniques to blend in, not raise suspicions, and locate who would be best for an interview. As you could imagine, he was probably teaching “They’ll be impressed by your initiative. They’ll know how much you want the job if you do that.” I mean, wouldn’t be that far-fetched? I personally have had college teachers (also with backgrounds in art and media) encourage the same thing.
It’s funny, because they always sign off with the same assurance: “Besides, the worst thing they can do is say ‘no’.” Surprise. The worst thing they can do is a misdemeanor trespassing charge and a hefty citation, as well as blacklist you permanently in the industry as a security liability. It’s so unfortunate that these students were the ones who were punished.
They’re just impressionable kids putting trust in a stupid art teacher. We don’t know why this teacher thought this was okay or what decade they think they’re living in, but it’s unnerving to think that kids are paying so much money to receive bad advice from some delusional lunatic with no idea how the real world works.
Their teacher should have been severely reprimanded for doing this to his students. However, after intercepting a fourth prospective infiltrator in the front walk before getting inside, it was pretty clear this teacher was still employed.
4. Priorities: Straight
I was at a zoo once, and a guy beside me in the crowd asks where the monkeys are because the cage is empty. The guide says they are probably inside the cave or enclosure, and probably getting it on with each other, so they won’t be out for some time. The guy’s response made us burst out laughing. The guy asks, “Will they come out if we throw some peanuts?” The guide says, “Would YOU?”
5. Father Doesn’t Know Best
After listening to my father rail against some fake political moral panic, I realized that he was incensed by something that happened on the fictional show he watched the previous night, and not something that happened in reality. I realized then (I was 10 at the time, he was 40) that he couldn’t tell the difference between fiction and nonfiction.
He believed that it was unlawful to say or show untrue things on television, ever. In all the years that followed, he never learned better, though once the internet came around, he insisted that that was all fake. So much so that if a news program had the same story both on television and online, the very existence of the online story made the television story untrue, and was violating the law.
In addition to this, I learned that he was functionally illiterate.
6. Working For The Weekend
Two things immediately come to mind. The first is a young girl who I used to work with at Target. She was hired for the 6 am-2:30 pm shift, but she regularly showed up between 8-9 am without any good explanation. After the third time or so, our supervisor asked her if she had something to do in the morning, such as getting kids ready for school, that required a later shift?
If so, she could be moved to the 8 am-4:30 pm shift. The girl’s response was, “No, I still want to leave at 2:30. I just don’t want to get up that early.” She was fired when she refused to acknowledge that you cannot make your own schedule. The second is one of my roommates. She is a 23-year-old who is quite literally unable to take care of herself in any capacity beyond ordering fast food.
I once heard her yell at her mother because she was filling out a job application and got stuck on a section. Her mom was trying to help her finish but she got frustrated and screamed, “Can’t you just fill it out? I want to go play my games.” Before you ask, no. There are no disabilities. She’s just lazy, spoiled, and incredibly stupid.
7. Guilty As Charged
We had a relatively new hire where I work, a young woman fresh out of college. Because we had been colleagues in another department when she was interning, she often ate lunch with me. She frequently complained about how bad her co-workers were. I didn’t know them, but it seemed odd. After about a year, she applied for, and got a different job at the company, but the new job didn’t start for two months.
She asked me if I thought she should take a leave of absence until then, because she didn’t think she could stand working two more months with her current co-workers. I finally asked what they were doing that was making her so unhappy. When she answered, I wanted to punch her. She complained that they often told their mutual boss that she would come in late, take very long lunches, then leave early.
“Do you do those things?” I asked. “Well, yes, but they don’t have to be mean about it,” she replied.
8. Sir, Do You Have Eyes?
I’m a wheelchair user with no feet and no prosthetics, and I will never forget the man who angrily told me to go down the stairs if I didn’t want to wait for the elevator. I had been talking to my friend, and mentioned we were going to be a little late because of the huge line for the elevator. As far as I could tell, the guy wasn’t blind.
He turned around and made direct eye contact with me, which indicated he at least realized I was 3 feet tall at the most, so I was either a little person or in a wheelchair, both of which probably shouldn’t be using the stairs at that time. The stairs were like a stampede of people; it was the central city station in my city at peak hour, and it was busier than usual because of fewer trains at the time. Even if I had my prosthetics, I wouldn’t have been able to safely get down without being pushed over.
By the way, I made the comment to my friend simply to inform her we were late for work. I wasn’t passive aggressively trying to guilt people or anything, and I don’t think I should get to cut in line or whatever. The tone I used was more “Eh, we are running late but what can you do?” Before the guy interrupted, I was about to tell my friend I wouldn’t mind if she went on ahead. Just some context.
As for what the guy was thinking? No clue! There’s a huge wheelchair sports program in that area, so people in wheelchairs are very common, and many are ambulatory wheelchair users—meaning they can walk for a little while, but not very well or for very long. It’s VERY common for those people (and myself if I’m wearing my prosthetics and using my chair) to get hassled for “faking it,” so maybe that’s what he was thinking?
That I was somehow faking? Honestly I have no idea. As I said before, he was looking right at me when he said it. Afterward, he glared at me for a few seconds. I was too surprised to say anything in return, and he seemed to have a moment of realisation, awkwardly turning back around to face the door. My friend and I had a good chuckle over it after he was out of earshot.
9. Get In Loser, We’re Going Shopping
My old boss at the time was a girl of 26 who got four million dollars from her mom a year to play with. Her mom is very wealthy in China, and her daughter is in America trying to be a CEO of a company for funzies. I accidentally got a job at that “company.” One day, she told us we were all going on a group outing for bonding.
She took us to an outlet mall four hours away and told the rest of us seven people that she was going to go shop and she’d see us later. That was code for don’t follow me, losers. Every two hours, she’d let us know she was going to go unload her bags to the giant van they rented and would group text us telling us we can meet her there to unload as well. We all get paid under 50k, and we have nothing to unload.
By lunch, she had proceeded to fill up the van with stuff. She then asks me where all my new stuff is and I said I’m budgeting right now. She goes “take out a credit card and go shop! That’s the American way!” Seriously. Ok. By 9 pm, her bags were taking up people’s seats and they had to sit with her stuff. She spent 30k. The rest of us spent about $70.
We were tired and bored and cold. To this day, I still believe she thinks she did something nice for us, and doesn’t understand how polarizing and not at all team bonding that was.
10. Bossy Pants
I used to work at a software company in downtown Boston. One of the best perks of the job at the time was the flexibility in hours. Many folks had regular work from home days. Myself, I knew I could drop my kids off at school, get into the office by 9:30, and my boss had no issue with it whatsoever. Others with kids had similar arrive late or leave early schedules depending on their childcare.
After a few years, a new CEO comes in, spends a month observing how the office works, then calls for a company-wide meeting. During the meeting, she tells everyone she believes having a full office 8-5 is the most productive environment, and at the start of the next month, all work from home was canceled, and she wanted everyone in the office during those set hours.
No showing up late or leaving early. A lively debate ensued, with discussions of there being very little warning, to pleas of flexibility, to concerns of making necessary childcare arrangements—especially given that in many cases (i.e. schools) we couldn’t adjust those times. Plus, commuting into Boston sucks. I’ll never forget the way she reacted.
After listening to all of these arguments, she finally responds with a long speech of appreciating the sacrifices everyone has to make to better the company, everyone doing their part, blah blah blah. She ends it by saying, “I understand where you’re all coming from! Years ago when my kids were little, my husband and I had to hire three nannies to cover all of the times we had to work!”
I remember we all looked around at each other, speechless. It was also the moment I realized I would have to start looking for another job as soon as possible. When the millionaire CEO thinks hiring three nannies is a relatable example to her middle-class employees, it’s pretty clear she’s not going to change her mind.
11. If It Ain’t Broke…
My boss told me about a friend of his, who once told him about her “life hack.” When he revealed what it was, I nearly spit out my coffee. She would get her bills in the mail, NOT pay them, and then wait a couple of months to pay. Then she would cry so the debt collectors would feel bad and waive the fees for not paying on time. That was her “brilliant life hack.”
12. Mother Of The Year
I worked for a very sheltered and entitled mother as a nanny. Shortly after I got hired, she called me at 3 am asking me to come in because the baby wouldn’t stop crying. When I said no, she responded with “but you’re the nanny!” And that was a constant thing. At one point, she got sick of breastfeeding and asked if I could start nursing. All of this was very casual too. Like, she wasn’t really mean about it.
13. Food For Thought
A student working part time at my laboratory at a university came into my office and asked, “So what can I eat in the refrigerator? I didn’t know I was supposed to bring my own lunch.” I looked at him, stunned, and replied. “Nothing, that food is what people brought for their own lunch, but you can use my GrubHub to order something.”
He DID NOT UNDERSTAND. It took four tries to get him to realize he can’t just eat someone else’s lunch. Same student: I walked into the lab room and told him I made a full pot of coffee in the office and he could help himself. Him: “A pot of coffee? What’s that?” He’d never used a coffee maker other than a Keurig before and didn’t even know it was a thing.
He was fired a month later for stealing chloroform.
14. Not Cut Out For This
An 18-year-old new recruit in boot camp got a letter from home, and I can see he is agitated. Being 22 and concerned for his well being, I asked him if he wanted to talk about it. At this point, I’m thinking a Dear John letter or the mom and dad divorcing letter. I was so, so wrong. He told me that his younger brother got a Mercedes for his birthday and that he was angry because he “only got a BMW.”
I can’t remember what I said, but I knew boot camp was gonna knock his butt in the dirt. (It did).
15. Welcome To The Real World
I know someone who has kind of been woken up from their stupor: My dad. He used to be the typical Boomer, always thinking I was just being lazy and not doing things right. Until he got injured, and could no longer work in an industry he had 30+ years of experience and seniority in. It took him several months to get a new job of any kind, and he was shocked when he realized that he couldn’t just negotiate for higher pay.
He was then fired on the spot when he threatened to organize a strike, and was barred from the premises. When he had to move, it baffled him that he couldn’t just give the landlord a few hundred bucks and move in right away, but had to wait a week for his application to go through, and the landlord to do a background check.
Probably my most satisfying one was when he finally decided to get into the industry I’m in, truck driving. He learned very fast that it wasn’t like it is in the movies from the 80s. Truckers don’t now, nor ever have, given a rat’s butt about one another. Sure, some are nice to one another, but if it’s a choice of you or them, don’t hold your breath.
Most big trucking companies in the US do not care about you, or your family, and they’re only concerned about your safety because it saves them money on lawsuits. After his third trucking job ended with him getting terminated, he now lives off my income. He stopped giving me heck about my problems, and is still job hunting.
16. Time To Go
A first year college student of mine thought that assignment deadlines were “guidelines.” Nothing was handed in on time. She emailed me the night before her final exam to see if I’d take some of her late work. I told her heck no, and she threatened to report me. I let her. She failed, got reprimanded, and was eventually expelled due to plagiarism.
17. You Had One Job
My brother is 26-years-old and has had only one job, and he’s only worked there for like two months. Besides that, our cousin helped him get hired. It was the easiest job in the world; a team of people drilled wells and my brother would come at night and watch the equipment. That’s it. He was just supposed to watch the equipment.
He even had a new RV to sleep in. They let him watch TV, bring his dog, drink, eat whatever he wanted. The only thing he really had to do was be there. Well, one night he wanted to go to dinner with his girlfriend and asked for the day off. His boss told him no because he was the only person they had to stay there at night.
He told his boss to screw off and quit on the spot. To this day, he doesn’t work, pay bills, or do anything with his life. He just plays old video games. Sad waste of a life.
18. If Only…
My mom was spontaneously in the city I live in and asked me to meet her for supper. I told her I was on the bus and it would take me 45 minutes to get to her, even though in a car it would be a 15-minute drive. She said, “just tell the bus driver to bring you here now.” She has no concept of how public transportation works.
19. A Rude Awakening
I worked with a girl in her 20s who had her first-ever official paycheck. She was beaming with excitement as she opened the envelope. Then her smile drops. She says, “Wait…what are these lines?” She had no idea what taxes were. We’re taxed to work, to simply live somewhere, to buy things, to sell things, to flush things. Welcome to poverty, young girl in a low-paying career.
20. High Standards
My roommate, who never once paid for rent or groceries or anything, turned down the only job offer they have ever gotten, in front of me, TWICE. They were so desperate they called him twice, offering good pay, and he had the gall to say “no” in front of me. His excuse was “Nah, I’m sure there’s something better. $20 an hour is garbage in this city.”
21. Trigger Happy
Mine is a co-worker. He believes that any time his ex does something with their daughter and he doesn’t agree with it, he needs to call Child Protective Services. The ex has the daughter sharing a room with the older sister? Time to call CPS. He calls the home late at night and the kid is sleeping and the ex won’t wake her up? Time to call CPS.
The Dude has CPS and his caseworker on speed dial, literally. In the meantime, he doesn’t understand why both CPS and his caseworker keep telling him that since the child is not neglected and his ex is doing everything the court has told her that she needs to do, there is nothing wrong happening. Dude is still trying to find ways to control the ex and what goes on in her house.
22. I Have A Very Specialized Skill Set
In my very middle-class college, there was a girl who had never had a single paying job because her parents wouldn’t let her. They wanted her to really focus on her studies so she could get a good job after school. Oh friends, she was studying fine arts bookbinding. What bookbinding job are you getting right out of college, in 2010, with no work experience, that’s gonna pay all your bills?
23. I’m All Ears
My mom was ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that corn could only be harvested by hand. I showed her videos of corn harvesting machines, and she insisted they were all CGI. It grew into a pretty significant argument. Eventually she called my sister, who is a librarian, to ask her. When my sister agreed with me, she said “ok then” and never spoke of it again.
24. Doggone It
I worked at a vet clinic, and a woman came in with her dog who had a horrible skin problem stemming from a flea infestation. Before I could even say anything, she claimed someone was after her, and had been stabbing her and her dog in their sleep with tree bark. It took me a few seconds to process that one. She also told me that she knew we hadn’t actually euthanized her old dog (that she had YEARS ago) but that we had sold her to Hollywood.
Apparently she saw her in a commercial and that was her proof. The dog would have been like 20 years old by that point so no, we didn’t “sell her to Hollywood.” Honestly it was kind of sad more than anything because she clearly had mental issues, but she was the only person I have ever directly interacted with who was truly out of touch with reality.
25. Aim High
I work with a girl. She’s 21, bit of a stoner, and living with her boyfriend who works at Pizza Hut. We also work in food service. She thinks she wants to marry him, but he HAS to spend at least $10k on a ring. And when she gets married, she wants one room in her house that is all pink, so she can get ready and put her makeup on.
Then she’s going to sit around the house all day in a pink fur-lined housecoat. Then when her man comes home they “can do their thing.” I have many, many more stories about her that would make you scratch your head. And for what it’s worth, ambition is important. However, she’s 21, has no college goals, says her dream job is to be a “video vixen,” and she makes $9 an hour right now. So yeah, this means she has no sense of reality.
26. Face The Music
The pastor of a small town church insisted that members set up the parish hall and provide food and beverages for a full 125 people after every Sunday service, even though the average attendance was only around 20 people. Week after week, month after month, so much food would be disposed of and large urns of coffee dumped down the sink—and all because the pastor was in denial about the reality of weekly attendance.
27. In Denial
These were the parents of a 35-year-old woman who was hospitalized after suffering severe anoxic brain damage 20 years previously. She had been in the same ward since, barely conscious. They refused to get her transferred to a more suitable facility for 20 years, saying that there’s no reason to do so. To them, those facilities are for “lost causes,” and their daughter is going to make a full recovery, finish school, get married, and be totally fine.
Working in hospitals got me quite a collection of these stories, but this one I thought was one of the saddest ones.
28. Blank Check
My cousin was spoiled and sheltered her entire childhood through college. Then her parents stupidly cut the leash without any preparation and released her into society. It went downhill so fast. She quickly got in trouble for bouncing checks all over town, so my mom picked her up and asked why the heck was writing bad checks everywhere.
Turns out, my cousin was under the impression that as long as you had checks in your checkbook, you had money in your account. She didn’t understand that you deposit in a number and then can spend or withdraw up to that amount. Please teach your kids basic finance. This was in like 1996, so people wrote checks all the time.
29. Give Me Some Space
I work with a girl who is a flat Earther and on top of that, she denied the existence of space. When the topic came up and I disagreed, she asked if I had ever been there…obviously I haven’t. I told her I have also never been to Japan and that does not mean it doesn’t exist. She complained to management about my intolerance of her beliefs.
30. Doing It For Themselves
“My parents paid for half the down payment on my house. They pay for our landscaper, housecleaner, child day care, car insurance, and give my wife and I a monthly allowance. We’re completely self sufficient human beings who even try and give other friends financial advice…” Obviously written in the voice of someone I know.
31. Wouldn’t It be Nice
My sister-in-law. Her boyfriend kicked her out, so she comes to stay with us for a few days. We suggest looking for a cheap house to rent near us. She says she won’t live in the scummy part of town near us, and instead she’d like a three-bedroom house with a garden in the best part of town. She has no savings and isn’t sure if she has a job.
When I suggested maybe she couldn’t afford £500k on a family home on her salary, she suggested she’d “just get a council house.” Disregarding the huge waiting list and the fact that most council properties are in the ghetto parts of town! This is just the crust of a deep layer of the unhinged fantasy world that she lives in.
32. The Garden Of Eden
My parents’ neighbor thought that her garden was too small for her sons to play in. So when she met my parents for the first time, the first thing she actually said was, “Can you give me some of your garden so my sons have more space to play in?” Thankfully, my parents just said no. For context, they live in a very expensive neighborhood where houses cost about a million.
The gardens in that neighborhood are a lot bigger on average than the majority of gardens in the UK. I’ve never heard a story of somebody being as painfully out of touch as that woman.
33. A Whole Lot Of Nonsense
My stepbrother. He got into a weird Gnostic religious group and thought he could convert people by talking to them (harassing them) Socrates-style, except without any ability to carry out a philosophical conversation. He also assumed the workplace is a fine place to do this. When he’d get fired from his temp jobs, he’d say it was a conspiracy against enlightenment.
This is more funny than deluded, but as a side note, one of the group activities is to have to rewrite their religious book by hand, which he diligently did—and it wasn’t a small book either. Turned out, though, he used the wrong color ink, which for some reason invalidated the whole thing.
Anyway, so one day he got a job in a restaurant as a waiter. He assumed for whatever unimaginable reason that the proper way to act for waiters is to bow after taking the order. When his supervisor asked him to stop, he lectured the supervisor on proper wait staff manners. He also wanted to propose to a 50+-year-old woman who has shown no signs of being interested in him. Luckily, he believed in the tradition to first ask a father’s permission, so he asked his dad who talked him out of it.
He also had an idea to join the army and then convert them from the inside. At one point, he even believed that the sun’s rays alone can sustain you but luckily never really bothered to practice it.
34. Short Fuse
I worked on shifts with a guy for years who thought every single person was out to get him. I’ve never met anyone who had such a warped sense of reality. He would joke with someone, then go away for the weekend and stew on one particular thing, then come in on Monday absolutely raging over taking something the complete wrong way.
I’ve seen him attack two people and heard about a third. Thing is, he’s so dopey that everyone thinks he’s harmless and “that’s just the way he is.” A guy I trained as an apprentice has just started on shifts with him and doesn’t take anyone being a jerk well at all. I think they’ll do well together.
35. Problem Solved
I went to a private international school in London as a teenager, and most kids there had parents working decent jobs, but in between them were some filthy rich kids with parents in the oil industry or something similar. In 8th grade, we were talking about our Easter break and my friend from Belgium was talking about how his family had decided last minute to go there over the break, but had decided to drive there because there were no flights available.
Then this Russian billionaire classmate of mine asked him, “Why don’t you just take a private jet?” She was so clueless when we started laughing.
36. In Over Her Head
My “friend” took my card information and bought loads of expensive stuff. I asked her if it was her before reporting it, knowing that a) she was going through a tough time and I wanted to give her a chance to make it right and b) that I could be in trouble for conspiracy if I reported it and they believed I’d got stuff delivered to my friend to claim fraud for the money back.
She said no, so I thought someone else had done it so I reported it. When she got detained, she said she didn’t think “they’d take it so far.” Seriously. She thought you could just call up banks to get the money back and they wouldn’t investigate.
37. Apocalypse Now
I was a stable hand of a very upper-tier barn in a wealthy part of the country. The staff has to sign non-disclosure agreements to protect clients. On one particularly scorching July day, I overheard a client venting to another about how she was “incredibly stressed” and “going to have a mental breakdown” because her first choice catering company was all booked up for the weekend of her last minute yacht party.
I’m paycheck-to-paycheck and had probably a total of three days off since Christmas. I would love for a yacht party to be my basis for a mental breakdown. Needless to say, the staff had a healthy chuckle at that one.
38. Read The Room, Dude
Alright, so this is a story of the first hearing I had ever been to as a lawyer. My adversary was represented by an established solo attorney from a different state. We will call the attorney Dude. I had spoken to him a few times over the phone before and considered him a competent and a passionate advocate. So I meet Dude at the courthouse with a co-counsel (I am a woman and so is she) to basically chat while waiting for a trial call.
First thing Dude says is “hi.” Second thing: “I gotta show you a picture of my wife.” ….Okay? Now, Dude is in his early 60s, small and bald. He takes out his phone and shows us a photo of this little girl who he assures us is 20 but looks all of 15. He tells us she’s from Dominica. As we stare at him, he relates to us a hilarious anecdote about going to the mall and her begging him to buy her stuff while calling him daddy.
You see, Dude thought we would be impressed. We were not impressed.
39. Coming Out Of Their Shell
This is my time to shine. So I grew up with a lot of restrictions. For example, I was only allowed two options of shoes, but the catch was that I needed to make the right choice. Or that I could only make friends with certain people—the ones my father approved of. Sadly, my dad kept me in a small box and he was the only one allowed to control what would go into that box or come out of it.
So when I was 10, CPS got involved and I was taken into foster care. That’s when my world exploded. I didn’t know how truly bad it was at home, in the only reality I knew, until they took me to a shoe store and told me to pick out ones that I liked. I swear for the life of me, I had no clue what to do. I stood there for what felt like hours until they noticed and asked what my favorite color was.
I said “green” because that was what my father told me I liked. But I guess I was too overwhelmed and I just remember saying “yes” to everything and ended up with ugly brown and pink sneakers. What children learn to do at their normal age is what I am just figuring it out in my 20s.
40. Expensive Tastes
I live in a part of the country with some of the lowest cost of living. I was barely making it financially and after paying my bills, car insurance, etc., I had $125 to eat and buy gas for the rest of the month. I live in a rural area where public transportation isn’t a thing. One night, I’m at my sister’s house and she’s telling me I need to go ahead and move because, “It’s just not possible to raise a family around here on $90,000 a year.”
41. Not Doing Him A Favor
I was the person who failed at life. I was 18 and living in my first apartment, and I spent 15 minutes looking for a “button” on the trash shoot. Didn’t realize until the third time that I just needed to throw the trash down. I had lived with my parents until then, and they failed to teach me a lot of basic life necessities. Love them, but man was I stupid.
42. The Cost Of Stupidity
My cousin is 47, and a couple years ago a relative passed and left him 10k. He’d always lived with my grandma and had a structured settlement of $400 a month from an accident he was in as a teenager. Into heavy substances, never employed, bumming around living like a kid with an allowance. He told me that he wanted to get a car, an apartment, and then wanted my advice on how to invest the rest of the 10k…..c’mon man.
43. For Your Eyes Only
One year for Christmas, I custom-made a board game for my girlfriend where the theme was about her going on as many holidays as possible. The entire thing was full of references to her friends and family with a bunch of in-jokes. Several people said I should try to mass produce and sell it. I’m like, who the heck do you think is gonna buy a game themed about some random person they’ve never heard of?
44. What He Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Him
My son was three days away from when his credit card bill was due and needed to borrow money, which was fine. He expressed his relief that I gave him the loan, saying, “I was afraid they’d cut off the card and not let me buy groceries this week if I didn’t pay the balance.” In other words, he’s never let the balance roll over, just as I taught him, but he has no clue that he can actually let the balance roll over or pay a portion of the bill, and he’ll be charged the rate plus a fee.
I think I’m not going to tell him about that part…
45. I Know My Worth
My dad retired last November. After being out of work for a few months, he decided he needed a simple job to keep him busy. He applied to a corner store as a cashier and asked for $20 an hour because that’s what he thought minimum wage was up to.
46. Silver Screen Dreams
There was this woman I knew a few years ago. She had a job, but she was convinced she was supposed to be a movie star. She never did any acting, though. She also told me about the married man that she had slept with: “He loves me, but he can’t leave his wife…” She actually did stop sleeping with him, but they still hung out.
47. There’s Something About Mari
I lived with some Japanese exchange students during my final summer of college. They were really nice girls, but one of them, Mari, who was about 19 years old, obviously had no idea how anything worked. She spoke the best English and I was tutoring some of the other girls, while they helped me with my Japanese. But that was where her abilities ended.
Mari would constantly call me to come to get her because she thought we had free buses—all the buses. After all, we were students. That wasn’t the issue; I could deal with that. It was a whole new culture and she was learning. But what happened that made me realize Mari could not be left on her own was when she ended up in Arizona.
This was 400 miles and 5 hours from where we were. She had been talking to some guy on campus, he said he was visiting family in Arizona, and she said, “I want to go.” He just took her with him, and she went without even telling us. She had just assumed the guy would take her back, but he said he couldn’t because he was staying in Arizona.
So I had to arrange a ticket, get her on the bus via the phone, and then pick her up two hours away because she missed her second bus by napping.
48. In Absentia
I work as a psychologist at a school. One student had missed nearly 30 days of school in one term (55 days), so I was asked to investigate. The mother straight-faced told me that she didn’t want to drive the two minutes from their house because they had to cross a train track, and she thought having to wait for a train to pass was simply unacceptable.
I thought she was joking. She was not.
49. Robsten, Is That You?
I had a friend who insisted she was in a relationship with a C-list celebrity whom she met once during a comic convention. All the celebrity’s Instagram and twitter posts were for her and everything had a meaning behind it. When the celebrity got married, she said that it was just for the media so she and the celebrity could live a quiet life.
When he didn’t do anything for her birthday, she had a breakdown. She went to therapy not long after.
50. Put It In Writing
The other day, my 18-year-old brother-in-law got married to his high school sweetheart in a parking garage so that they can live off campus at their Christian college together. The girlfriend’s, now wife’s, mother is an ordained minister. His parents, my in-laws, were very upset and he couldn’t understand why because, “it’s just a fake marriage for school.”
Oh no, sweet boy. You are MARRIED. I just laughed and laughed. I love him dearly. He is an idiot.