Random, eyebrow-raising searches could be out of curiosity or reassurance for common sense facts like, “what day is it in three days?” Whether it’s checking the right spelling of “desperate” or searching for “tampon facts,” Google has seen it all. And now you can see it too, with other people’s stories about something they searched that they didn’t want anyone to know about.
1. Not an Egg-spert
How long to boil eggs. It's not the search per se, but the sheer number of times I've searched it.
2. How to Adult
Minor embarrassment, but my history is full of how to stuff—how to tie a tie, how to change a car battery how to build a coffee table. A lot of people act like men are born knowing how to fix any and everything or have learned how to do so prior to age 12. When I tell people that I had to Google it, I tend to (not always but enough to notice) get a weird look.
History is also full of yoga stuff. Yoga is seen as something the opposite of manly so if I were to mention it, I’m sure there would be someone who finds that odd.
3. School-Aged Neopets
I'm 20 years old and I still pop into my 10-or-so-year-old Neopets account and collect my bank interest and play a couple games.
4. Monday’s Child
I draw often, and I have difficulty drawing children's faces, so I have to draw more children so I can learn. So, my search history consists of: Child smiling, Child angry, Angry child, Surprised child, Cute baby, Cute kid smiling, Ugly baby, Child wearing hat, Baby in a basket, Baby eyes, Homeless children, Third World children, etc.
I get scared to let someone use my phone lest I have to explain myself.
5. Natural Magnetism to Discovery
I once googled if lobsters stick to magnets. I mean, I believed the answer to be "no" but weirder things about the natural world are true.
6. Cartographer Enthusiast
The other day I searched “how to get rid of a gas build-up.” I also routinely search Google maps for how long it takes to get to various areas and friends’ houses for fun—major stalker territory. Reality is, I really enjoy knowing distances from place to place in relation to each other.
7. Detailed, Over-garment Research
I started writing recently. I wanted to know how to properly describe what my characters are wearing. My search history now has more words for different kinds of dresses and women's underwear than any two fashion magazines combined with Victoria's Secret's entire selection.
8. Not an Autumn-atically Known Fact
"Why do leaves change colors in the fall?" If I learned that in school, I don't remember the answer. I also live in Florida where like 98% of all vegetation doesn't change colors.
9. Here Comes the Lexicologist
A few things: Lots and lots of searches for word definitions, even really simple ones. This is because I want to be sure I'm using words in the right context. Lots and lots of wedding planning type stuff. I'm not engaged, I'm a bit of a tomboy, and marriage scares the bejesus out of me. But I can't stop obsessing.
10. A Bird is a Bird
"Is a bird a mammal?" I'm doing an animal-based degree and ashamedly had to Google that when writing one of my later assignments. Google's response was a quora.com box answer in big bold fonts that just said: "No, a bird is a bird." Thanks, Google.
11. Menstruation Aeronautics and Space Administration
How many tampons does a woman use on her period in a month?
We were talking about how when they sent the first woman to outer space NASA didn't know how many tampons to send with her. And they made it sound like it was a ridiculous amount and I agreed, "Yeah, yeah, it was a ridiculous amount," but then I'm like I actually don't know. It's ridiculous because it was too low or too high and so I had to Google it.
And I could've asked my girlfriend but I didn't want to feel dumb. And I wondered if any other guys in the room felt dumb for not knowing or if they just had a better intuition for it then me. But now that I'm writing it out, I realized it was a ridiculous amount because she was only going to be up there for like a week and they sent her with like 100 tampons.
So, I guess I'm stupid in many ways.
12. Locos Repetit-acos
I've googled the release date of the Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos at least 15 times.
13. Wash on, Wash Cloth
How to use a washcloth. All my life, I've bathed by lathering up with just the soap bar. Then I saw a web video making fun of people who don't use washcloths, so I relatively recently started experimenting with using a washcloth—though I haven't experienced enough of a difference to warrant the extra effort (keeping clean ones on hand etc.).
Thinking maybe I was doing it wrong, I tried looking up tutorials. I haven't found anything compelling enough, so far.
14. Amateur Detective
I anonymously submit information to the FBI and local law enforcement on illegal activities I track. I know for certain that several websites I have "uncovered" were removed and perpetrators penalized thanks to my actions. I am pretty sure a couple physical addresses have had their operations shut down too, thanks to my tips.
I work incredibly hard to protect my home browser info, but anyone with a little know-how, someone would find some seriously messed up stuff in my history—more than enough for a decent prosecutor to ruin me.
15. Role-Playing with Fire
I was doing some DND prep and it comes up with some interesting things. “How much do bones weigh” “How much surface area is the moon?” “How much blood in a person?” “How viscous is mud?” “How many noodles for spaghetti?” “Can I live on lemonade and peanuts?” Lots of random things that I won’t be sharing with anyone unless they are the entire internet.
16. Dr. Google is Real
I’m a health care provider. My Google search history has symptoms and diagnoses. Yeah, sometimes I google your symptoms, too.
17. That Movie with the Thing!
My really poor description of a movie that I can’t remember that sounds like my gran typed it. Surprisingly, haven’t found the movie.
18. Not for Plaintext Questions
I used to work for kgbkgb, which was this text messaging service where you could text a number, ask any question, and get an answer. This was before smartphones became super huge, so it was a bit of a helpful gimmick back then. However, for everyone that we got asking normal questions like movie times, or what restaurants were open near them, or stuff like that, we got A LOT more people asking very stupid things that I would have to Google.
It was an interesting job that helped cover some things when I was in college, but it definitely had me using Google for a lot of embarrassing things.
19. Kim Jong Un Too
My love for world leaders. Doesn't matter if they are from Korea or the United Kingdom, if you stick some white, Impact text on a nice photo of them I will most likely bookmark it to a folder dedicated to each world leader.
20. Seeing Blind Spots
How do blind people know when they’re finished wiping?
21. Small Reassurances
How many stupid things I obsess over. Like, “How do I know if my cat loves me?” Or “Is it bad to crack your neck?” Googled multiple times and I often add the word Reddit for a second search after the first one.
22. Searching for a Bug
So many searches for insects. Big insects, poisonous insects, insects that live in Florida, insects that carry disease. All in the name of one of my roleplaying characters who has the power to control bugs.
23. Generation Language Gap
How many times I Google random Gen Z slang so I can pretend to be hip.
24. Google-a Doula
"Should I have a child?" Yeah, I'm embarrassed that I consulted Google about this but I needed advice!
25. Weather Convert
American living abroad. I hate having to convert units because I feel like I should be used to them now. I'm not.
So, here's an F/C easy guide:
- Below 10? That's winter.
- Below 21? Bring a jacket.
- Above 30? Wear shorts.
- Around 40? That's a fever you should go to the doctor for.
While I know that's an unthinkable terror in America, if you're in a country where you need to know 40C = 104F, health care costs are actually affordable.
26. Bad Publicity
Recently a local news team wrote a story about me. It would be embarrassing to see how many times I've viewed it. I should mention it's not a good story about me so it's not me using it to pump myself up, but I show everyone I know so that I don't have to worry about them being like, "...a felony? That's not you at all," and I have to explain the whole story.
27. Glue You Know?
“Is Elmer’s glue an addictive substance?”
“Can Elmer’s glue get you high?”
“Which type of glue is addictive?”
I don’t do glue or even like the smell of glue. I was just really curious.
28. Poop Inquiries
The sheer number of times I've Googled images of "opossum poop" or similar search words. If they didn't know that I have to shovel my yard before mowing and I don't even have a dog, maybe it would seem like I was just really into marsupial poop.
29. Name! That! Celebrity!
I forgot Danny Devito’s name and I had to search short, round, fat man with not much hair.
30. Pasta Point of No Return
How to get shredded cheese, spaghetti sauce, noodles, and garlic bread out of a fish tank. We were drunk and the cat did the rest. Fish lived!
31. Broken Banjo String
The missus grabbed my phone to look something up and saw "broke my banjo string." She asked me where my banjo was, as she’s never once seen me play a musical instrument. After some explaining, I was pretty embarrassed. She found it amusing. For those wondering, I am referring to the frenulum on the penis, woke up one morning, went for the standard morning pee, stung like crazy, then discovered somehow the "string" had snapped.
Panicked, Googled, and I found out it's okay unless you are spraying blood everywhere. Moral of the story, clear search history often and close unwanted tabs.
32. Breaking the Cheat Code
I cheat on Words with Friends. I searched for, "Scrabble word finder." I'm a terrible person.
33. The Daily Life of Soviet Korea
My searches for Soviet and North Korean...stuff. Like, normal daily items like razors or plates or whatever. The daily lives of people who live in such vastly different places absolutely fascinate me. Like, what kind of lamps did they use? Stuff like that. Soviet guitars are a fascinating example. When the whole cultural thaw happened, the Soviets wanted to start making western-style electric instruments but had zero idea how.
The results, coming from brands like Ural and Tonika, are beyond bizarre to someone familiar with American guitars. They don't use 1/4'' jacks like every other guitar you'll encounter, they use a plug called a 5DIN that looks like something you'd plug a really old computer mouse in with. They are completely Soviet-made tech from the ground up.
I guarantee there's a government agent out there who had to ask his supervisor, "Hey, uh, this guy has been looking at North Korean soda bottles for the past half hour, you want me to flag it?"
34. Fishing for Answers
“Is Ukraine in Eastern Europe?” I’m from the Ukraine.
“Anatomy of an aquatic snail” searched every few days for the last month. My sister bought a snail for my beta fish tank and I’m in constant fear my betta is going to slowly consume it piece by piece, so now I’m forced to frequently check all the snail’s parts are still there.
“Can fish hear?” Also in regards to the beta. For those who don’t know: they can.
35. Curious Cat Mayors
“Is green bean a fruit” “What’s a rutabaga” “Cat mayors” “Famous boomers” “What state is KY” (I live in the US) “Who’s the girl dog in paw patrol” “How far is Paris to London” (never been out of country and don’t plan to) “What do I want for Christmas?” “PewDiePie PC principle” “Happy birthday copy-write” “Jeremy Renner Amazon store.”
I could go on. These make more sense in context but where’s the fun in that?
36. Vegetable Amnesia
I Googled "white broccoli" because I forgot what cauliflower was called.
37. Blame Julius Caesar
Calendar, because even though I’m 17, I’ve never been taught the months so when I’m at work and I see something expired in March vs February, I have to Google “calendar” to see which month is first.
38. Qu-est-ce que What?
What does “insert French word here” mean in English? I am fluent in French. English makes no sense. Send help.
39. Tenatacle-y Alive
What animal has the largest penis compared to its body? It turns out to be a type of squid that reproduces by tearing off his penis and throwing it at the nearest female. The penis has enough muscle and nervous system to swim by itself and track females by smell.
40. Equal Ab-portunities
It was when I was in nursing school and did a presentation/project with a female classmate about cancer. At the time, we had this sort of famous male stripper/hunk in Finland who had a stoma/ostomy, so of course a photo of him found its way to the project. For equality, I thought we also needed a female version in the presentation. I started to hit some keywords in Google, but soon started to feel kind of awkward about the "Sexy female cancer bikini stoma osteoma" stuff.
I probably got profiled for that one!
41. On Company Time
Not necessarily ashamed, but the number of job searches while I'm at work is incredibly high lately. Might be time for a change.
42. Punch Bowl
Why is there red in my toilet bowl? I had anal fissures and I pooped out blood, but me, being dumb, thought there was red dye coming out of the drains.
43. Immeasurable Knowledge
I constantly look for stupid measurements. How many ounces in a pound? What’s X feet in kilometers? One time I think I googled, "how many 8ths of an inch are in an inch." I'm not a smart man, but at least I'm aware.
44. Managing Information
I'm a project manager in a website solutions firm. I'll give you five of my recent searches I'm ashamed of: Why my cat watches me while I'm in the bathroom? What is 30% of 4,500? How do axels work? What is the regular size of a little person? How many strands of spaghetti to feed two people?
45. Joseph Smith is Watching You
Looking up anti-Mormon websites in a very Mormon house.
46. Lyric-less Memory
What’s the song that goes like, “dibba dibadabba lalala ooh baby dun dumdum ahyeaaah” It didn’t work. ????
47. Life’s Wonders
"Can you die if..." And always ends with eating stuff, or doing stupid things. Example: "Can you die if you don't poop for three weeks?" Not anything that I'm going to try, but just stuff that you just suddenly think of and you have to know.
48. Reality Veggie TV
How it's made baby carrots.
49. The Write Way to Die
Different ways to die. How to kill oneself quickly, how many are painless, or how painful they could be. How much pressure it would take to turn a human body into jelly. How much sleep aid can a person take before it becomes lethal. 99% of these were because as a young adult, I had somehow convinced myself that I was an AMAZING WRITER ™! I loved writing horror stories and terrible (dear God, they were terrible) mystery stories.
I killed so many characters in such horrific ways that I can't even remember many of their names.
50. Assured Confidence
"Do bars charge for water?" I actually found out the US has a law that specifically bans them from doing so. Also, "How many credits is full time?" when my school's site already had a little box on my schedule saying I was full time. Still opened a new tab to make sure.
51. Scary Uncle Sam
Once I Googled how to join ISIS because I was curious if there’s a recruitment process, and then got scared the government was watching so I then googled, “my last search was pure curiosity I am not a threat,” but that’s exactly what someone joining ISIS would say. I’m doomed.
52. Regular Gas
How much farting in a day is normal?
53. Con-Text Matters
I Google phrases all the time to make sure I’m using them properly before texting them!
54. Auto-Body Experience
I spent 20 minutes online searching for a decent image of where the oil drain plug was on my truck because I was too scared to loosen the wrong thing. I had just finished doing extensive repair on my daily ride and have a history of repairing and flipping cars. Professional overthinker.
55. Dog Whisperer
I look up dog language and gestures and try to talk with my dogs with it.
56. Unintentional Findings
I was reading about the guitarist for Alter Bridge, Mark Tremonti, who originally played for the band Creed. I read that Tremonti actually originally named Creed "Naked Toddlers." So, without thinking, I went straight to Google and searched, "Naked Toddlers" so I could rabbit hole further. It wasn't until after I clicked search that I realized what I did. So, I adjusted my search to, "Naked Toddlers band."
But I am sure it was too late and I'm on a watchlist now I don’t know.
57. Curiosities from A-Z
As I have never cleared my search history, here's one for every letter of the alphabet.
A: Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf Tabletop RPG.
B: becoming a lighthouse keeper.
C: culinary uses for hair.
D: Dragaux NSFW.
E: eating ants.
F: fantasy face tattoo.
G: grossest gif.
H: Hol Horse.
I: iOS talking dice roller.
J: Japanese blood type stereotypes.
K: Kool-Aid Man Magic Card.
L: Latin word for depression.
M: moose ghost.
N: name for a bullfrog's throat bubble thing.
O: Ontario is a swamp.
P: puppy ocean.
Q: quantum ogre.
R: robberies by celebrities.
S: sex toy advent calendar.
T: turkey explosion.
U: unsettling offices.
V: virtual reality death simulator.
W: worst painted miniatures.
X: xtreme 90's hair.
Y: your Sindarin name.
Z: Zeus conquests.
58. Hypochondriac Attack
"Stool very dark brown" "Would I know I have a brain tumor?" "Symptoms of a brain tumor" "Neck pain left side under ear, caused by stress?" "55 beats per minute too low?" "How would I check for testicular cancer?" "How can I beat hypochondria?"
59. Small Dog Syndrome
"Why does my dog make me the little spoon?" She's a chihuahua...
60. The Internet Knows Better
I just got an instant pot so my last 10 searches are stupid questions I could probably find in the manual.
61. Confederate Toddlers
Not recently, but I googled Toddlers and Tiaras once back in 2015. I was curious if the show ran longer than the Civil War and if it did, use that to make a point about the Confederate flag debate (basically saying that, politics aside, it was stupid to argue in favor a country that lasted less time than the run of Toddlers and Tiaras).
The reason for it is solid, but that was still in my history.
62. Na-zo Subtle
Well I bought a Google Home Mini and linked it to my Google, and this one time, I left it on while going to the washroom, and my friend in the group chat just screamed, “Hey Google, turn the volume up," and then, “Hey Google, play Hitler’s speech." So now Hitler’s speech is a thing in my search history and my whole family heard Hitler’s speech from my room.
63. Bowel Budgeting
It wasn't embarrassing to me, but I can see why some people would find it so. I was once doing some theoretical budgeting, and I Googled, "How many rolls of toilet paper does the average person use per week?"
64. Diving into the Lives of Celebrities
I often forget the name-to-face correlation of celebrities faces and look them up. And then I get curious and start looking up stuff about the person. So, I end up with searches like Tom Cruise and his Scientology stuff or Rihanna. So yeah if someone saw 12 search results for Scientology, that wouldn’t be too fun.
65. Pseudo-Meteorologist
"Why do I get a headache every time before it rains?" was my last search. Go figure, it is the pressure change you feel in your sinuses. I know it, I feel the pressure in my sinuses, it isn't like it's too subtle, but I didn't want to feel like I am just a crazy pseudoscientist drawing conclusions out of my butt or something.
66. Drunk Empathy
Not me, but my friend searched, “Do toasters feel pain when you stick them with a fork” while drunk.
67. Celebrity Watch
I go through the Daily Mail to read the news about which celebrity wore a jacket on a sunny day in LA. To give you the news, it's often Ben Affleck.
68. Proper Procedure
"How do normal people wipe their butts after pooping?" For context, I was doing it wrong. Apparently, you don't stand up and wipe, you can do it sitting down.
69. Word Usage
I went blank and typed "yous," "us", "yos," "uus," and "uz." I forgot how to spell "use." I have a degree, I run a business, I own a home, I forgot a basic word in English.
70. Phallic Research
Various animal penises. It’s not porn. I’m just interested in different animal behaviors and physical traits. Like an elephant penis works like a second trunk. It can even pick items up or grab things with it. And a male wombat has two penises (and the female has two-three vaginas). Don’t get me wrong. I just find it really bizarre and interesting.
71. Dating 101
A lot of silly relationship/dating questions no one taught me about. I feel dumb about it now but it was stuff like, "Is it weird to ask for a second date on the first date? When should I hold her hand? When can I kiss her? When are we boyfriend/girlfriend? When should she meet my family? When should I tell her that I love her?" You get the gist.
72. Passing Down the Crown
I had swallowed a crown the other week while eating breakfast and being the poor person that I am I knew I couldn’t be like eh, whatever, I’ll get a new one. So, I had to Google, “how long does it take to for a crown to pass the digestive system,” And let me tell you it was about 36 hours and seems like more people than you would think have gone through the same thing.
One pointer I had read: eat corn as that is marked, it'll give you an indication on when the crown should be arriving.
73. Egg-stremely Suspicious
You know how sometimes you have a few days without a proper night of sleep, and you start going off the deep end a little and you start Googling, "What does poison taste like?" because you don't trust your mother to serve your eggs normally.
74. Lost in Translation
Even though I am fluent in English and live in an Anglo/Franco society, it seems that I can’t memorize the simplest thing in the universe: days of the week. I keep switching days with one another constantly and need to check online frequently just to get it right. I’m perfectly fine in French (my mother tongue) but English? That’s beyond science!
To add insult to injury, it gives me results made for pre-school children with colors and drawings.
75. Punctuation Complication
"How to use a semicolon" I was accepted into a private school on a writing scholarship. I've won multiple writing awards, and I still have no idea where a comma should go, let alone a semicolon.
76. Bodily Juices
Forgot the word "spinal fluid" Googled "brain juice" instead.
77. Dewey Know That Term?
"recto verso pages" Basically, the two sides of a page—essential for older books where page numbering conventions were different or in many cases non-existent. It's like the most BASIC thing you learn when being taught about book history. I'm a rare books librarian and I can NEVER remember with certainty which side of the page is which.
78. Google by Proxy
When I get bored, I google horrible things as if I were someone else. For example, I don't have kids but I'll Google things like, "I hate my special needs child." "I'm terrified of AAA batteries." I just enjoy thinking about all the messed-up people out there who make me seem normal in comparison.
79. Well? What's the Answer?!
Somewhere deep in my search history is, “How many animals can you fit in a condom,” not because I actively search that but I had searched, “How many animals can,” and this came up and I was curious so I clicked on it.
80. Legolas-ting Love
My entire search history is really stupid but I don’t know if I would be embarrassed by any of it. Right now, it’s: Legolas sexy—Legolas cute—Legolas—Why Legolas is better than Aragorn—Legolas—Squid legs—Squid tentacles—Pickles superstore—Harry Styles giraffe—Harry Styles mary mccartney—Long bob—Lob—ISU GPF results—Chances of parachute not opening—Harry Styles 2019—Harry Styles 2018—Harry Styles 2017
And other useless stuff.
81. Strategic Doublespeak
Ways to word my political points without indicating which specific category I fall into. I do it so I can still voice a thought when in normal conversation but not make everyone suspect me of being an outsider and think I'm just propagandizing them. It's nice just to be part of the discussion, you know? I'm ashamed of it because it makes me feel dumb for not being able to do it myself.
Like, if someone saw they'd realize I'm not just a political outsider but they'd also think I'm one who's so dumb they can't voice an original thought. Swear to god that's not the case.
82. Research Topics
I'm a very curious person and a writer so I type a lot of random questions. Can whales sneeze? Why are drug addicts' teeth so messed up? How do paraplegics have sex? What do fat turtles look like? I think the one that took the cake is I was looking up genital piercings for a character and got distracted and exited the app. A couple hours later, I'm at work and my boss asks my schedule for that week. I open up the app and boom, genital piercings.
Thank God someone called him at that second and he wasn't looking over my shoulder.
83. New Independence
Very basic how-tos for everyday life. I got kicked out of my very sheltered household so needless to say I had so many questions about how to do pretty much everything from using a stove to how to make an application.
84. Showing My Receipts
Less a specific thing and more frequently just some really basic stuff that everyone knows. The reason why is that if I'm writing a page-long response to someone on Reddit disputing a point, and I'm pinning the whole argument on something I KNOW is true...I might as well double-check before I spend the effort of writing the post.
85. V-Bucks Richer
When I was having a sleepover, my friend tried to get free v-bucks for his Fortnite account on my computer. I can't delete my history, now free v-bucks is in my history forever.
86. It’s Weast
Where the sun rises from. I always forget that it rises from the East because I’m dumb.
87. Vatican You Do That?
Is it illegal to impersonate a member of the clergy?
88. Delayed Action
How to hit someone a deadly hit that won't kill him on the spot but after some time?
89. Letterformation Argumentation
A friend and I were assigned to a project in high school (making a poster about a molecule) and very sleep-deprived over it. We started arguing which way the "s" was supposed to go so we just Googled, "the letter s." Not a high point.
90. Please Confirm
"Yeah I know 8+3 is 11. but what if it isn't?"
91. Searching in Denial
Sometimes I would look up contradictory (in context) keywords consecutively. Mostly it's about, "I feel lonely" or "I am tired." And then the next minute, I'd feel the need to deny those by looking up random words like, "I love being alone" or "Self-Adventure." Then the next minute back again with the first keywords and repeat several times.
92. Hard to Swallow
Can I microwave this? How long are my leftovers good for? Can thinking too hard actually give you head pain?
93. Way Off Script
One time I didn't understand how languages that didn't use the Roman alphabet had fonts, in my head like Korean and Arabic would always be the same font.
94. Digitally Expecting
I’m constantly looking at pregnancy progress imagines for a written project and now Google is convinced that I have a child with me and gives me toy/formula/nappy adds before YouTube videos.
95. It’s Actually Jasper (not a lie!)
"What is the cat's name from Tom and Jerry?" I was too stoned to remember for the conversation so I had to look it up. I felt stupid afterward.
96. Powder Problem
I have three searches over the past two days for "baking powder substitute" because 1. I keep forgetting to buy baking powder and 2. I keep forgetting the easiest recipe for substituting baking powder.
97. Cyroaudiovascularwhatia?
Cyroaudiovascularmalexia
98. Santa After Hours
Oh, I search up weird things with no shame. The other day I was browsing sexy Santa lingerie and drag queen breasts. Sometimes, you just want to see what it is.
99. Ghosting Limbo
Mostly stuff about how to view messages without the person seeing you saw them. Like how to read a Snapchat message, or a message on Facebook Messenger, without it notifying the person. I'm too much of a coward to full-on ghost people, or sometimes I want people to think I care about them less than they care about me, and don't want them to know I'm paying attention to them.
I've mostly broken the habit now, but not quite.
100. Can’t Break the Code
I keep watching Cicada 3301 videos pretending to be a cryptography expert. After 30 videos or something, I still don't know what the heck Liber Primus is.
101. Addressing the Problem
My friend recently asked for my mailing info so she could send me a Christmas gift. I was too embarrassed to ask which info that includes, specifically, so turned to Google instead. I'm nearly 25. Not my proudest moment.
102. Total Meltdown
There was a time earlier this year where I was absolutely enthralled by the idea of melting a body down leaving no evidence. I think it came up when I was re-watching Breaking Bad and wondering if it was actually real, how they did it. Anyway, my search history probably looks like I accidentally killed someone and was doing everything in my ability to cover it up by melting a human body down with alkaline solutions and any other household cleaning supplies.
Breaking Bad, Sony Pictures Television
103. Gray’s Anatomy
I was a smartphone salesman and on a customer’s phone’s search history there was, “Do pubes turn gray?”
104. Lego and Build!
There is a guilty pleasure Lego fan site that I like to check up on every once in a while. I enjoy imagining all the things I could build.
105. Using the Tools That You Have on Hand
I was an intern with a company that I can't disclose, but I was told to transfer all files from the laptops to a server. I had no idea how to offload in macOS. I still remember Googling, "How to transfer files on a MacBook Pro?" from the MacBook.
106. Can’t Open Up
How to use a can opener? I just want to eat some ravioli.
107. Ramen-menent Danger
"I accidentally ate year-old ramen," to try and see if I was going to get ill.
108. What Was That Again, Damon?
Most of the things I search sound like an old man, "Who's that guy from that movie with Matt Damon as a soldier?"
109. That’s One Kind of Japanese Tutorial
“16 things Japanese girls like in guys” ???????? I'm subscribed to an English teacher who moved to Japan and this was his latest video.
110. Worried Wonderer
Looking up things like, “Whatever happened to so and so from Big Brother season 8?” Or “why did Molly Weasley’s clock have 'DENTIST' as a setting when in the sixth movie nobody seemed have a clue what a dentist was when Hermione mentioned her parents were dentists?” Or “what is smegma?” ...these are the things that keep me up at night.
111. Is This the Q?
I looked up “lowercase q” today and then realized there’s one on my keyboard that I could’ve looked at. I legit forgot what a lower-case q looked like.
112. Eclectic Metric System
Constant conversions of cm to feet because I want to know how tall or short my K-Pop idol is. I can’t imagine 184cm, but 6’ I can see #USA.
113. Biting into Physics
A long string of searches trying to figure out the physics of biting a human throat.
114. Need a Grand Theft Auto-Fill
I sometimes Google words I heard in video games long ago. Recently I Googled, "urban dictionary feddy" and "urban dictionary fetty" because in GTA San Andreas Sweet asks CJ, "how he's doing on the feddy/fetty." I'm still not sure how it's spelled and I never got a definite answer.
115. Be-YOU-Tea-Ful
How many times I have to look up “beautiful” so that I can spell it correctly.
116. Dubious Cubitis
"Parts of an arm" because I couldn't remember what an elbow was called.
117. Brain’s Brian
One time a document wrote my client's name as Brain Chan and I had to search brain to see if my Brian was all right.
118. Searching for the Answer to Life
Life tips or guides. Whenever something "unfavorable” happens to me, I google it to see if anyone faced the same thing and how they came out of it. "How to reply – What’s up? " "How to look cool?" Don’t judge me ok. I want to be socially acceptable.
119. Sick of Reading
I googled how to take some prescription medication last night, forgetting the doctor's instructions were on the front of the box.
120. Please Validate Your Emotional Ticket
How often I google relationship situations to make sure my emotions are valid and not just a symptom of my mental illness.
121. Fourty-For
I have to write checks. I always misspell forty. I always look up if there’s a U in forty. I just looked it up to type out this comment.
122. The “Fun” in Funeral
I watch videos about the funeral industry on YouTube. I have no idea how it even started. I watched people being embalmed, dressed, having makeup applied, etc. It’s not that I'm ashamed of my viewing, but I just don’t want everyone to see what I watch.
123. I Think It’s Kansas
Few years back, I looked up where KFC originated—not my brightest moment of absent-mindedness.
124. Independent Work
I don't know my national holidays. I once went to work and there no one was there and the first co-workers I called didn't answer. So, I Googled "News -country's name- -today's date-".
It was Independence Day and I spent an hour in traffic because I don't know my history.
125. Spanish Inquisition
I’m not necessarily ashamed of it but I have typed, “_______ in Spanish” so many times now that Google has put “in Spanish” as an auto-fill option no matter what I’m typing in the first word. It could be a name or could be whatever. I’ve been trying to re-learn Spanish I haven’t used in like 10 years.
126. Sometimes...Why?
Is the letter Y a vowel?
127. Daylight Savings Withdrawals
Every single time the clocks change I have to Google what time it is.
128. Missed a Beat
"Why don't people hate the Beetles like they hate other popular artists?" Please don't crucify me.
129. Ingesting Chechnya Insects with an Imposter
"Can you eat butterflies?" "Czechnia" (was trying to work out the spelling of Chechnya) "Is Dory a dory?" (She is not)
130. It’s Elementary, My Dear
I continuously Google the most basic formulas for cylinder volume and surface area and this like that. I'm a 34-year-old engineer with an M.Sc. degree.
131. Blast into the Past
Sometimes I Google the names of people from my past who suddenly spring into my memory. I get this weird urge to know how they're doing in their life and maybe even reconnect. It's not necessarily old flames it could be a friend from back in middle school or even a long-lost family member. Obviously, I try to find them on Facebook and other social media as well.
So far there are about five or six good friends who I have not been able to find anything about. I usually stop when I start to feel too stalkerish.
132. Ovulate Universe
I’m infertile, yet will look at an online due date calendar once a month to see when I would give birth if by some miracle my husband and I were able to conceive that cycle. I’ve been frank about my inability to have kids with friends/family, so if this ever came out, there would definitely be a sentiment of “Oh that poor, sad woman” that is entirely too embarrassing for me to think about.
133. Good News, Bad News
I ran a mile today as fast as I could and then Googled to see what the average person is supposed to be able to do. Found out that I'm 50% slower than expected for an "in shape" 50-year-old. I'm 34.
134. Expositional Entertainment Examination
I search movies and TV shows to see the plot while I'm watching it because I don't always understand the plot.
135. License to Spell
I kept misspelling the word license (got it this time), but this was a while ago and I was having a conversation with this guy about driving licenses and didn't want to seem dumb so during our conversation, which spanned across about a week because you know sending messages back and forth at different times cause were both doing different things, must of looked the word license up about 10 times in a week because I kept getting the C and S confused.
By the way, I get straight As in English and I'm normally good at spelling, just couldn't get this one word right for some reason lol.
136. Resealing the Answer
Googling, "Why are there resealable tampon wrappers?" I still see no satisfactory answer. But I have taken to going incognito when asking embarrassing questions. Also, "Where did Whoopi Goldberg's eyebrows go?"
137. Mommy Brain Woes
How to swaddle an infant. I've grown up around babies (my dad has 14 siblings not counting the in-laws so guess who babysat a lot), I've worked in a daycare nursery, I still babysit occasionally. But for some reason, my pregnancy brain decided to throw that crucial skill out the window when I tried to teach my husband on a baby doll.
138. The Bottom of the Barrel
I didn’t think this idiotic girl in my class could get any dumber—until I saw her jaw-dropping search history. She regularly asks Google stuff like “If I donate my eyes, will people see what I’ve seen?” and “Can Gingers be American?” This girl needs help, people.
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