Whether they’re delivering food, furniture, office equipment, or even the cremated remains of deceased pets (yes, really), delivery people tend to encounter the strangest of the strange while out on the road. It’s a veritable Wild West out there, and these delivery driving Redditors have brought back some fascinating tales from the frontier. Enjoy.
1. Playing Chicken
Delivering a pizza one night. I got up to the door and rang it, as I’m waiting I keep hearing this repeated short sound. I kept looking up and couldn’t see anything. As the customer opened the door I looked down at my feet. There was a chicken that snuck up on me.
2. After Hours
I delivered produce to people’s houses during graveyard hours and we would get the same customers weekly. On our Wednesday nights, I would make deliveries out to houses up in the mountains in the middle of the night. Always had to deliver to a customer that just had a bunch of mannequins that were outfitted lined up in front of their house. Nothing necessarily happened, but I was always so scared delivering to that house.
Oh yeah and I’ve had a gun pulled on me before delivering to those secluded houses late at night.
3. You’ve Been Served
I was a process server for about a year. Mostly for people not paying bills or child support so I frequently served the same people multiple times.
I had a guy at a construction company punch me in the face and block me from leaving. He said he was going to call the cops on me for trespassing if I didn’t take the papers back. I laughed took out my phone and called the cops. I’ve never seen a guy move his foot faster than after he heard me say, “Hi I’ve been assaulted and am being held against my will at ‘Blah Blah Blah Construction’ and my assaulter would like to talk to you.”
After he let me out I ran to my car and drove like a half mile away and called my boss to ask what I should do. The moment I stepped out of the door, my heart was pumping. It’s like you don’t realize how dangerous it was until you are out of the situation. I was like 21 and even though I’m a big guy he was much larger than me.
4. An LA Tale
I was delivering fancy pastries to a mansion in Benedict Canyon, at the crack of dawn. There were a bunch of drunk, naked, middle-aged women. They didn’t tip.
5. Welcome to My Humble Abode
Front yard had a two-foot tall wire fence, which I thought was weird, but whatever. Run up to the door, drop the package off, and as I am walking back to my truck, I see a bit of movement out of the corner of my eye. I look down and there is a MASSIVE tortoise maybe a foot or two away from me. It scared the crap out of me.
Who has a pet tortoise hanging out in their front yard?!
6. Run Away and Don’t Look Back
FedEx delivery driver here. Delivered to a retirement mobile home in Vegas one time. Had an overweight, tall old man open the door. Had a goatee with a bunch of yellow crumbs on it. Immediately told me, “You look like you would be delicious if eaten.” I laughed nervously and gave him his package. Started calling me Prince Charming and handsome after he saw how nervous I got.
7. Sweet Jesus
Seasonal UPS worker here. I got flagged down by this old guy who was wearing only a robe and no shoes, seemingly came out of nowhere. Wasn’t sure what was up. it was maybe 6 AM, so still dark, and my ass wasn’t stopping. He catches me about a block away delivering to a house. I apologize like I was in a hurry and didn’t see him.
He asks me if I’m going to hell, and in the awkward silence hands me a fruitcake and a thick stack of Evangelical religious literature.
8. Just a Heads Up
I’m a shipper, but the UPS girl’s reaction was priceless. Worked for a company that made x-ray equipment and needed to ship some testing equipment. Packaged it, insured it, waiting for UPS. Driver asked why the thing was insured for $35,000. It was because it was a preserved human head, used for calibrating x-ray equipment.
UPS driver did NOT want to take it.
9. Animal Antics
This happened to a friend of mine. They drove down a driveway that was at least two miles long and very muddy. Once she made it to the end she saw a few turkeys that chased her all the way to the door. She noticed that there was also a very large cat sleeping on the roof of the house. Then, when the man opened the door, three pugs ran out to greet her. As she was walking back to her car two baby goats trotted out of the woods and watched her leave.
Not too odd but I found it hilarious.
10. Living Large
I delivered food for a Japanese restaurant in college. This is one of my favorite weird interactions.
I was sent to this house with an order of a steak hibachi and a couple of sushi rolls that added up to something like $19.60. I liked to call before I got to a place, just to give people a bit of a head’s up, so by the time I got to the door, it was already open. In the doorway stood a chubby kid, about 9 or 10 years old, that reminded me a lot of the kid from Bad Santa, but without the curly hair.
I tell him the total as I pass off his food. He hands me a $20 bill and with a straight face he smugly says, “Keep the change, pal.” Immediately after, he closes the door and I stood there for a second trying to process what just happened. When I got back to my car I noticed the time and realized it was way too early for that kid to be home from school. I couldn’t help but laugh at the whole situation.
No wonder he sounded a little bit cocky when he told me that I could keep the 40 cents in change. This kid probably faked being sick so he that could stay from school and was probably in there watching TV or playing video games while eating sushi and feeling like a big shot. I know for a fact that I would have at that age.
11. Trumpeting as God Intended
I used to deliver pizza. One time I was making a delivery at an apartment complex. As I was walking by, I could hear trumpet playing on the ground level (which was recessed, so the windows were roughly level with the sidewalk). The guy was playing quite well. The curtains were open enough to where I could see him and I couldn’t help but look down.
As it turned out he was playing totally naked and was recording himself on a video camera.
12. Working Hard or Hardly Working
Used to work delivering food overnight in Texas. One time, I was delivering at a Jack In The Box and while unloading, the whole crew (which is pretty much 2-3 people overnight) decided to take a break. So they locked down the store, drive-thru still open, and went to their cars and smoked weed while watching the drive-thru line just get backed up to the street.
Funniest thing I’ve ever seen.
13. Not So Sweet
I was delivering Chinese in high school and there was this one weird guy who would always order sweet and sour chicken minus the chicken. Dude just wanted the bell peppers and pineapple stuff coated in sweet and sour sauce. And when you got there he was always in his underwear and made you wait while he counted out exact change and payment from a giant ziplock bag of change.
We eventually just blocked his number at the restaurant. Dude was 65-75ish, hairy as hell, and probably about 250-300lbs, coming out in tighty-whiteys.
14. Bigger Problems Than Pizza
So while I was in undergrad, I worked as a pizza delivery driver. I had a delivery to a dodgy part of town with a delicious pie. When I got within a couple miles of the residence, a local sheriff’s deputy got in front of me. We made all the same turns. Then as we got closer, another got in front of him and one behind me. I start freaking out a bit as I’d been smoking some weed, but carry on.
Finally, we all get to the same residence which is totally surrounded by police in riot gear, guns drawn, all that. I get out with my pizza and discover the house I’m supposed to deliver to is the one with SWAT out in front. One of the officers waves me off and says, “He’s not gonna need that today” and they proceed to breach the door, and I return to the car with a free pizza and get the hell outta there.
They were added to our “Do not deliver” list but I don’t think we ever heard from them again.
15. Anyone Else Seeing This?
I drove to the customer’s house and saw that a guy was being handcuffed by the police in the front yard. I had no idea what to do so I drove around a neighboring block a few times. When I came back, the police and handcuffed guy were gone. I didn’t know if he was the customer or not so I just walked up to the door and knocked.
An old couple answered and took the pizza and paid and didn’t say anything about the arrest that happened on their lawn. It was in a city with an extremely low crime rate as well, so it was very strange to 17-year-old me.
16. There’s Always Time for Kittens
I used to be a pizza delivery driver. My favorite experience ever: The guy opened the front door and is smoking a joint. And then…KITTENS. Four kittens come round the corner meowing, and start trying to climb my pant legs. The guy just giggles and giggles, so I put the pizzas down and play with the kittens for a while.
He tipped me a $20!
17. Above and Beyond in a Time Of Need
I made a delivery and some form of small terrier bolted through the door and bit me hard enough to leave a mark through my winter gear. I let the owner know and he apologized because it wasn’t his dog and he didn’t know to anticipate that. It was his dad’s dog and his dad’s house and his dad was inside the house dying.
The family had been sitting there trying to ease his passing for a day or so and needed that pizza to help sustain them. He wasn’t overly emotional, but clearly wanted to be able to talk to someone about it. I’m the sort of person that wants to let people get all that out. Unfortunately, I was on the clock and really needed to get as many deliveries in as possible.
I still feel like I should have stayed a little longer.
18. People Suck Sometimes
In near hurricane conditions, I was delivering subs for Jimmy Johns. Took me a little longer than usual to get to a house, I am completely drenched, standing in the rain because the front door didn’t have a stoop. The guy opens the door and says, “Took you long enough,” grabbed his sandwich, and didn’t tip me.
19. The Things We Do for Tips
I worked at a mom and pop pizza store. I was called up for a delivery, bagged the order, entered the address into my GPS, and set off. After about twelve minutes or so, I arrived. I walked up to the door, knocked, and was greeted by a woman and her daughter (probably around 10). I go through my spiel: “Hello, how are you? I have $Order, is that correct? Okay, total is $Amount,” and begin handing her the food.
She turns to her daughter and says to her, “Make sure the dog doesn’t…,” and can’t finish the sentence before the Yorkie goes tearing out the door. They start to panic (the street wasn’t busy, but it’s a small dog in a town where animals hit by traffic is a common sight, sadly), and I try to calm them down, saying that I’d be happy to retrieve the dog. They oblige, and after I hand them the rest of their order, I go after the dog.
This…thing…decides it’s going to go running four houses down. The houses aren’t too spread out, but it’s still me chasing a dog in the middle of summer, wearing a black t-shirt in the dead of the afternoon. Anyway, I finally catch up to the dog, pick it up, and start carrying it back to the owners. I hand the dog back to them, get back to the business of them paying for the food, and I am rewarded with the princely sum of a $0.16 tip.
You are reading that correctly. 16 cents for returning a Yorkie.
20. Paranoia Pizza
I was a pizza guy in the late 90s. At the time, I was a big pothead. I lived with my parents, so I usually kept my weed with me so they wouldn’t find it. So, I’m delivering one night with a half ounce in my pocket. It was triple bagged so no one would smell it. Pull up to this house and as soon as I get out of the car a German shepherd in the backyard starts going nuts.
Barking, pawing at the fence, this dog didn’t like me. I thought nothing of it, cause it wasn’t the first mean dog I’d encountered while delivering. Knock on the door and a state trooper answers the door in his uniform. My heart immediately sinks and I’m fucking terrified. I realize that’s not just any dog, that’s a K-9. But, the cop just rolls his eyes, pays for his pizza and I went on my way.
I don’t remember if he tipped.
21. This Round’s on Me
I don’t even know where to begin to be honest. My all-time weirdest delivery though, that I can think of right now, was finding a regular who was drunk late at night playing golf on a golf course. Dude always tipped like a boss, so I had no problem playing the game with him, wasn’t hard to find, he was the only guy there and was loud as a tank.
I could understand how some other people might not have been as keen as it was a dark, out of the way place.
22. Don’t Say It Don’t Say It Don’t Say It
As a veterinarian, I often take animals away after being euthanized, organize cremation, and then deliver the ashes back to the owners if I did the euthanasia at home so they don’t have to deal with a random stranger from the crematorium delivering the ashes back to them; they appreciate this. One Sunday when I was off duty I knew I was going to be in the area of a client whose pet’s ashes needed returning, so I was not in uniform, and the ashes came in a plain white paper bag at the time with everything inside it.
I rang the doorbell, waited, saw the curtain move and someone peer out, and then nothing. So I knocked on the door again, someone came again, looked longer, and then opened the door. They started with a jump, and then apologized. “Sorry! I didn’t recognize you without your uniform and stethoscope. I thought you were a fast-food delivery guy.”
I looked at the bag in my hand, and bit my tongue—hard—as my body desperately wanted me to hand over the package saying, “One Dog, Extra Crispy.” I instead said the usual courtesies and drove home, but I still wonder what would have happened if my mouth had run ahead of my brain.
23. Car Wash Crack Adventures
It was 2 AM and had a delivery to a self-serve car wash. The instructions told me to pull into the second stall. When I get there the place is completely empty. Go to call the number on the order, disconnected. At this point I’m terrified and I see a shadow moving inside the car wash. The stall opens and reveals the crack addict who had been living in the self-serve car wash.
He was whacked out on some hard drugs but still managed to tip $5.
24. One Life Down, Eight to Go
I was delivering pizza, two lanes on each side of the road with lights. 50 mph speed limit. Doing about that and a soccer mom in a caravan goes to pass me in the left lane. What she didn’t realize was that a cat had gotten its tail caught in the sliding side door of the minivan. She drove about 3/8 of a mile doing 50 mph with a cats body just slamming up and back into the pavement.
We got to a light and I told her there was a cat dangling from her door. She looked at me funny for three seconds then got out to look at the other side of her vehicle and saw the cat there lifeless. She opened the door, cat ran away.
25. Well That’s a Bummer
Not deliveries but worked as a driver for a non-profit organization picking up donations from homes. Mostly just a lot of old people. One lady tried to give me $50 but I told her I couldn’t take it. I could have really used it at the time but we weren’t allowed to accept tips and I didn’t feel like losing my job. She wouldn’t let me go without something so she gave me a glass of iced tea and we chatted for a few minutes.
Later I found out she called my boss to tell him how good of an employee I was and I ended up getting a small raise. She donated stuff often just so someone would stop by her house and visit with her.
26. Stinking Rich
Guy gave me a twenty and invited me inside. Was super drunk and drinking straight from a nice bottle of scotch. Proceeded to tell me his life story and future aspirations. Handed me another $20 every fifteen minutes or so. Claimed to be the owner of an oil company and super rich. Let me try on his $40k Rolex and offered me the keys to his classic convertible downstairs.
After being tipped over a hundred dollars, I noped out of there in fear of being arrested for stealing his car when he gave it to me in a blackout. Googled his name later that night and it was all true. Could’ve probably walked away with a $100,000 car for free because a drunk rich idiot was being super generous. If only, if only…
27. How Could You Resist?
I once delivered pizza to a sweet old man. His dog ran up to the door and I commented on how cute she was. He then asked, “would you like to see her play the piano?” I obviously said of course and he invited me in. Normally I wouldn’t go inside a customer’s house for safety reasons, but this was a really nice neighborhood and he genuinely seemed like a nice elderly man.
Sure enough, he grabbed a Kraft single from his fridge and held it up to the dog while she put her front paws up on the piano and smashed a few keys. Most adorable thing ever. And he gave me a good tip too 🙂
28. Porch Dweller
I once delivered to a guy living under his porch if that counts. I drove up to the house. It’s pitch black. No lights on. I look at the ticket and it says, “use back door.” I go up the steps and no lights on. Nothing. Then I hear a voice from below me say, “Hey down here.” I look under the porch and there’s a small door leading into what looked like a makeshift apartment. I had to actually crouch to get to it.
Gave the guy the pizza and bounced the hell out of there.
29. The Kindness of Swingers
I worked as a delivery driver for a very small Italian restaurant/pizzeria during my first semester of college. This one time I had to deliver a bunch of pizzas to a swingers party. It wasn’t like on the set of a porno or anything, he straight up told me when I was like, “Having a party?” because he had ordered 12 pizzas.
He answered that this was his first swingers party and he just wanted to be sure everyone was having a good time.
30. Mourning Hunger
Someone ordered pizzas to a funeral. There were A TON of people there, all somber and dressed in black while I rolled up in my bright red greasy T-shirt. Definitely one of the most awkward experiences I’ve had.
31. Nope Nope Nope
I didn’t end up delivering the pizza but the address was an abandoned house. It was around dusk and the house was so obviously uninhabited, I could see trees growing through the windows and the backside of the house was crumbling so badly I could see to the backyard…from the street. The instructions were to “come around back.”
I double-checked the address after locking my doors and called the customer a couple of times, called the store and told them what was up and why I wasn’t delivering the pizza and headed out…I mean seriously who would have been dumb enough to go to the back of that house?
32. Faith in Humanity = Restored
I once delivered to an older woman who tells me to come in the side door. The food is about $34 and she hands me what I think is $40 and is really sweet, asking me how I’m doing and all that. I get back into my car and realize it’s actually $60 and two of the 20s were sorta stuck together. I go back into her house to let her know and she says, “oh I know, it’s for gas and whatever else you might need.”
I always remember that lady because it was just such a random nice thing to do and really made my day.
33. Unaccepted Currency
I delivered to a drug house a few times, it was always obvious that these guys were selling/using, but it never bothered me as they usually tipped well. This one time I got there, rang the bell and a baggy of (I’m guessing it was filled with something serious, I have no idea) slipped under the door…Not sure what to do I decided to kick it back under the door and leave.
Not super messed up, but I think about it a lot.
34. Friend or Foe?
One night I have a delivery to a pretty rural area. A lot of my deliveries are to rural areas, so no big deal. But tonight it’s drizzling and especially dark, so I’m having trouble finding the address of the house I’m looking for. So I roll down the passenger window and use my (really bright) flashlight, pointing it at mailboxes/trees/posts/ anything that somebody might have their address on at the end of their driveway.
So I’m driving along at like five miles an hour pointing my flashlight when the beam catches a guy wearing a black hoodie at the end of an obviously long gravel road staring directly at me. More of a glare at me, really. But whatever, could just be on the phone or something. Then it gets weirder. I finally find the address I’m looking for and pull into the drive, and hop out of the car.
That’s when I get the sinking feeling. No cars, no house light, boarded up windows. If you’ve ever been a delivery person, you know that this is the time to get out of there because you’re about to get robbed. Right as I’m about to jump in, throw the car into reverse and nope the heck out of there, I see a man walking across the empty field adjacent to the property towards me.
Now I’m a pretty burly, bearded dude, so I don’t worry a whole lot on deliveries, but this scared the crap out of me. When he gets closer, I see him very obviously tucking something into his waistband, what I can only assume was a gun. He then says in a thick, menacing southern accent, “I thought you was the law” (I guess because of how I was scanning the addresses).
I meekly point to my car topper and the pizza in my hand and he says in the nicest voice you’ve ever heard, “Oh, great! Thank you so much! Have a great night!” Pays me, and proceeds to walk back through the open field, in the direction of no buildings, in the rain, with his pizza. Strangest thing that’s ever happened to me.
35. Lost Somewhere in Time
I delivered subs, but one of our regular clients was an old lady in a nursing home who thought it was the 1940s or something. She was super nice, but nobody would deliver to her because she would only tip you like 25 cents because again, she was living way in the past. But I loved to sit and talk with her so I always volunteered to do it.
The nurses would pay the tip if they saw me but usually, I only got a quarter. Her delusional state was heartbreaking, she was for the most part lucid aside from not realizing what year it was. She’d give me hair/makeup tips, LOVED to talk about men and always told me stories about her husband, but seemed unsure of where he was because she never mentioned him dying or if he visits.
36. One Way Trip
GPS led me to my city’s hospital. After getting directions from a lot of employees I finally found the room. I’ll admit now, I reallllly should’ve paid more attention to the signs but was in a rush and didn’t bother. Luckily there was a nurse already in this lady’s room. I was just going to walk in and drop food off when the nurse starts shaking her hands and rushes to me. “No, no, no, you can’t come in here. This is isolation.”
“Oh I’m sorry, she ordered a delivery.” She went back in the room and asked the lady if she ordered delivery and I heard the lady say yes. I overheard the nurse tell her, “You should’ve told me.” Nurse comes back to me to grab food and told me if I had walked in the room I was not to be let back out or something along those lines.
Threw me for a loop, I will pay more attention now. I promise.
37. Baby’s Day Out
I worked for four years as a FedEx delivery Driver. I went to go deliver a box to this one house that was on a moderately busy street. Just as I was going up the driveway I noticed at the corner of my eye something small moving at a distance of around 25 feet. I looked and it was a baby of about two years old in diapers getting ready to cross the street.
I yelled at the baby “stop” and it actually did. I told him to come to where I was and had him sit on the lawn while I rang the doorbell of the house I was delivering to. A lady answered the door and I asked her if she was missing a baby. She was shocked and I explained that there was a baby about to cross the street and is now on her front lawn. She immediately stood by the child while I went to two other houses asking if they were missing a child.
The police were called. After waiting for about 15 minutes we heard a woman’s voice yell, “OH THERE YOU ARE!” and we saw a woman in her late 60s walk up to the kid and the baby immediately wanted to be picked up by this woman. She thanked us profusely and said her daughter would kill her if she found out what happened.
The police arrived and everything was finally sorted out. What happened was, the grandma left the garage door open and the baby got out from a door that was left ajar. The baby then walked a distance of about two blocks before he got to where I was and was actually stepping down from the curb onto a moderately busy street.
38. Delivery Man vs. Predator
I was a rural carrier for USPS. I’m talking super rural; miles between neighbors, no gas station in town rural.
I get to work and have a peculiar package marked Live Animal. Usually, being in a rural community as I was, this would be a box of chicks or honeybees. Normally, the customer would come to the post office to pick these up, but today the postmaster sends it out with me since it would be one of my first stops of the day anyway.
I pull up to this very tiny farmhouse in the middle of nowhere and knock on the screen door with this box of something that is most definitely alive, because I can hear it rattling around inside, and a frickin’ leopard comes up and rubs its face on the screen! I’m a pretty brave person. I wrangle snakes in the yard and about two months ago plucked a hawk out of my quail coop with my hands. But on this day, my friends, I nearly soiled myself.
This shirtless rednecky man pushes the apex predator away like it’s a damn beagle, steps out of his house in cutoff jeans and signs for his package as if this is all very normal and I’m the weirdo for being surprised by a huge jungle cat in the middle of nowhere. I handed this titan of a man his box and hesitantly ask what was in it, to which he very amiably responded, “Boa constrictor!” and managed to get back inside his house, keeping his murdercat inside.
USPS was weird times!
39. The Bear Necessities
I used to deliver Edible Arrangements. One time I was at a house in your average northeastern suburban neighborhood and I had gone to the door with the arrangement but didn’t get an answer. So I go back to my truck, put the arrangement in the back side door, and was standing outside the open passenger door facing the truck, trying to call the customer to see if they’d be home soon and I can leave, or if I should try to find one of their neighbors to take it in.
As the phone is ringing, the customer’s car pulls into the driveway and so I hang up the phone and wave, and as they roll down their window I start to say “Oh, hi! I have a delivery for you-” and the customer whose house this was just very calmly said, “I don’t want to alarm you, but there’s a bear right behind you…”
I turned around and not three feet away, there was a young bear (bigger than a cub, but not yet full grown) just sniffing around in their bushes. I had no idea what to do, my legs just turned to jelly. I completely froze. So I said to the customer “What do I do??” and she looks at me like I’m crazy and goes “GET IN THE CAR.”
Now, the smart thing to do would have been to jump into the passenger seat that I was literally standing right outside with the door open and everything, but in my nervous state, I slam the passenger door and run all the way around (the long way around the truck too, smh) and get in the driver’s seat and lock the doors.
The side door to the refrigerated side of my truck was still open, but at least I was separated from the bear. The bear didn’t notice me until I slammed the door shut but all he did was wander up to the side door and sniff the beautiful fruit arrangements in my truck. He hung out for a few minutes until the customer finally had enough and laid down on their horn until he took off running down the street.
There were a few other interesting deliveries from that job, but none turned my legs to jelly like that bear.
40. Tactical Belly Thrust
When I was about six months pregnant with my first son, I delivered for Papa John’s in an area that was mostly not so great. Now, that area has the highest violent crime rate on average or something or other for our state, so that should tell you how bad it was about 10 years ago before it got downright awful. Well, one neighborhood in particular was the worst of the worst. Usually, another driver would take it since I was pregnant, but that Friday night we were short and super busy, so I did it without hesitation. Gotta eat after all, right?
So, I get there, get out of my truck with the pizza, and get a really, REALLY bad feeling. Quickly look around, and see a group of guys watching me. I put on my war face more or less, and as a second thought, stuck my big belly out a bit so it’d be way more obvious in the dark. One of them approached me and was like, “Oh, you pregnant?” I just shrugged and said, “yeah… that definitely ain’t a basketball, dude.” He chuckled at that, walked back to his friends, and I heard him say, “Naw come on, she’s pregnant.”
They all walked away and the dude that I had spoken to gave me a nod and smile, then told me to take care. Found out later that one driver had been brutally beaten in that lot less than a couple of months before I’d been hired, and if I hadn’t been pregnant, I might’ve suffered the same or worse. Glad that didn’t happen.
41. Insanely Close Shave
My significant other was delivering boxes of magazines to a small shop. It was really early like 4 AM, the shop not yet open, but he’d leave them around the back by the door. Rolls up, hops out of the van, grabs box, and takes it to the spot. Walks back to the van and there was now a man sitting in the driver’s seat. It was dark and no one else around so he just yells to him to get out of the van but didn’t approach.
Next thing he knows the guy is out and running at him with something large and shiny in his hands. Significant other freaks out and runs, the guy chases him. Significant other doubled back around, jumped in the van and took off right as the guy caught up and slammed the object into the windshield. It shattered but stayed in place so he couldn’t see anything but just drove out of there anyway.
Eventually pulled over when safe to find an axe was lodged in the window. A freaking full-sized axe. He was shaking too much to drive after that, so he flagged someone down to call the cops. They never found the guy.
42. Not Too Shabby
I briefly worked for Jimmy John’s as a delivery driver during college, and although I had delivered pizzas throughout high school, this is the story imprinted in my mind when I think of my delivery days.
It was a beautiful spring day. I was delivering about $40 worth of sandwiches to a nice neighborhood in the early afternoon and was pretty stoked about my high probability of a good tip. As I suspected, I show up and the house is a real beaut. I walked up and hit the bell only to hear some guy yell from somewhere in the house, “Oh hell yeah boys, JJs is here!”
My first thought was how did some frat boys have a house this nice, this was near a mansion. Normally I wouldn’t let myself in but I decided to roll with it. I walk through the front door and this entire house starts cheering, and it’s filled with dads. My mouth is hanging open as they proceed to escort me downstairs to the “party palace,” all the while I’m stepping over children’s toys. When I get downstairs it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen—a man’s mancave.
They had a pool table, a freaking BARTENDER, and EIGHT TVs all streaming different games of March Madness. Before I can even say anything they’ve handed me a shot to take with them and one of the dads says, “Here’s to you, brotha!” I ended up hanging out with them for almost 40 minutes and drank a beer while we watched the games and they explained that every year they take a week off from their firms and do this so they don’t miss a second of the March Madness openings.
When I finally was able to leave, they kept asking me to stay and party and I was pretty sure I was would be fired, but they kept protesting that I stay (the situation had me so dumbstruck by its surrealism that I just couldn’t leave). I finally get back to my store expecting to get canned, or at the very least a good tongue-lashing (our golden rule was 10 mins there, 10 mins back), only to find my manager slightly annoyed.
He said to me, “So, you met Mr. L huh?” I responded “Who?” To which he responded, “Mr. L called and said you would be running late and that your dedication in the line of duty is commendable—he’s a pretty wild franchise owner.”
In summary: delivered to a dad party where they handed me drinks, had hired a bartender, made me stay for almost an hour, and bailed me out of trouble with my boss on account of one of them owning the damn franchise, and tipped me a fat $100 to party and watch March Madness with them.