Delivery Nightmares

Food delivery is one of the greatest, most convenient things ever invented—but the people who have to take the order and deliver the food have the other side of the story to tell. They deal with everything from demanding customers to dangerous situations and even worse—non-tippers. Here, some Redditors share their delivery nightmares that were so bad, that many of their customers landed on the dreaded “Do Not Deliver” list.


1. Pizza Run

We had a guy and two girls order separately. The order was about $100. The girls had picked the food up and left while the guy was paying. After 30 seconds, the guy bolted. My manager, who was a frequent gym-goer, leaped over the counter and gave chase. The two girls had gotten into a car with the food, but when they saw my manager, they drove off, leaving the guy.

My manager chased him three blocks and was gaining on him when the girls pulled up, and the guy got into the car. But there was something they didn’t know. They hadn’t recognized this guy working in the back—and he went to school with them. We had their names, jobs, addresses, and Facebook accounts. We contacted them all on Facebook and made them regret it.

We threatened to call the authorities, got them to pay for the pizzas the next morning, and put them on the no delivery list. Hope it was worth it!

bend1310

2. It’s A Dog Eat Dog World

I was delivering pizza when, one day, I went on the porch and saw a snarling Rottweiler behind the door. It happened a lot, so it wasn’t a big deal. The lady pushed him back, we did the pizza transaction, and as I was turning to go, the lady said, “Oh my god, he’s out.” The back door was open, and the dog was charging around the house, about to come onto the porch.

I quickly opened the door to run inside, but the lady screamed, “No, the really bad one is inside.” I saw a bigger dog just inside the hall, so I stuck myself between the screen door and the real door. I was trapped in an angry dog sandwich. The outside dog bit my calf because I could only close the screen door so much.

I didn’t have much damage, but I was bleeding. The house was close to the store, so my manager went to talk with the lady after I finally escaped. The dogs were penned up out back. As soon as the lady started talking to him, another small mutt zipped out the door and bit him on the hand. He made the call on no more pizza for them.

jsnoots

3. Hey Jimmy, Cover Up Your Johnson!

I was a Jimmy John’s delivery driver. One night, one of our drivers came back from an apartment saying the guy was only wearing a winter hat and boots. The driver was known for telling crazy stories, many of which were not believable. A few weeks later, the guy ordered again. The driver from the last time recognized the address and said he wasn’t going back.

My manager asked me to take the food and said if he wasn’t wearing clothes, to tell him he either needed to wear clothes for us to continue to deliver or call elsewhere for food. I got there, and the front door had a window in it. I saw he was wearing a t-shirt and nothing else. I knocked on the door. The guy looked out the window and saw I was a woman.

He started frantically searching for something to cover himself up with. He settled on using his hands. Once he opened the door, I handed him the pen and receipt and repeated what my manager had told me. Once he handed me the receipt, I walked away. He never ordered from us again.

labeille87

4. Banned For His Own Good

There was an older man who had dementia that would order four fountain drinks and nothing else from my shop, then would tip about $300 every time. After hearing about it a couple of times, I told my manager. We all agreed to contact his family, let them know we wouldn’t take orders from him and that they would have to take some measures to keep him from doing the same with other establishments. God only knows how much money that poor guy gave away.

EnglishMajorRegret

5. They Just Didn’t Get It

I worked at a local pizza place, and we only had a handful of houses on the “no delivery list”. One of them was added because of a really dumb mistake on my part. It was my first night closing, and it was approaching 11 o’clock. My manager and I were just ready to leave when an order came in online right before we were to close.

Had it been a call-in, we would have just told them we were closing and that they would have to order earlier in the future. However, since we were technically open, we made the order, and I took it out. I instantly smelled booze when I arrived—these people were absolutely smashed. They greeted me, I told them their total, and the guy said, “Just sit the food on the table while I get the money”, so I did.

That’s when I learned not to give the food before I get the money. The real issue came from the fact that we had run out of large dough, so we made them two mediums, which was MORE food, but charged them for a large. These people were hammered, and they thought that I was trying to charge them for two pizzas instead of the one.

So, after trying to explain this to them for 10 minutes, I called my manager and asked him to explain it. They were getting mad, so I walked away for just a second to ask what to do, and my manager said, “Just bring the food back”. I walked back in, and they had already eaten every last bite. I was dumbfounded that they had consumed everything in about 40 seconds, and I was still without cash as they refused to pay.

When I got back to the store, all my manager said, “It wasn’t really your fault, but we’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again”, and proceeded to put their name and number on “the list”.

JBBinc

6. College Chaos

When I was in college, before credit cards could be used to pay for pizza, I delivered to the dorms. In the largest men’s dorm, we had a fight with some of the residents after they got mad when we wouldn’t accept an expired coupon for a 14-pizza order. So, over the course of a few weeks, they kept calling us up with ghost orders and making life miserable for us.

Therefore, we stopped delivering to anyone in that dorm. Since we were the cheapest pizza in town, that did not go over well with them. The RAs got every student in that dorm together and told them to knock it off or get kicked out. We tried delivering again, and the same nonsense happened. So, we banned that dorm forever.

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7. Behind The Glass

When I was in high school and living in New York, I delivered pizza. There were a couple of neighborhoods where we had to be escorted by officers who were permanently stationed on the corners there. When we got to the building, we had to wait in the security booth with bulletproof glass. This was all because people would call delivery places and just rob the people of the money they would carry, and sometimes their cars too.

placebojones88

8. He Wasn’t Happy No Matter How You Sliced It

A guy would order about once a week, and every other time he demanded, it would either be cut into squares or triangles. After following his directions and bringing him the type he asked for, he would say we cut it the wrong way and demanded a new one. So, one time when he called, our store owner had us make two pizzas, one that was cut each way took it to the guy’s house and told him to pick one. He said he wouldn’t pay, so we stopped delivering to him.

LEEROY_JENKINSSS

9. He Reached The Tipping Point

We banned someone in our extended delivery area and about a 20-minute drive away because when I first went out there, they answered the door, handed me a $20 said, “Keep the change”. Their order was about $14, so I asked if they were sure, and they said, “Yep”. They then called the manager and said they needed their change, so I had to drive back out to give them their change and got zero in tips.

My manager then banned them from delivery or pickup.

thegiantcat1

10. The Holy Grail Of Losers

I delivered pizza for a few months in high school. I had a lady pay me in all quarters for a $40 pizza. Luckily, it was all there, and she tipped me pretty decently. I also had a church order for $500 worth of pizza, and they gave me NO tip after they watched me carry every last pizza into their meeting hall. My manager put them on a no deliver list after that.

Tango15

11. Sundown—You Better Beware

Our store was in a really rough area. It was the kind of neighborhood with glass between you and your gas station clerk. On my first day, one of the drivers got maced and pistol-whipped for $32. But there was so much more to the story than we thought. We eventually found out the assistant manager was the person who set it up because she didn’t like him.

The store was ripped off so frequently that it refused to accept carry-out orders after sundown. Even so, they had no problem sending us drivers into the middle of bad neighborhoods with food and cash. The places on the blacklist were put there because drivers had been swindled there. No matter how rough the area was, we would still deliver there until someone got held up.

Then we would blacklist everywhere within three to four blocks of the place.

iowabeans

12. This Place Is Off-Limits

Back in the 80s, I was delivering for Godfathers in Memphis. We had no-delivery houses as well as areas. We had one area smack dab in the middle of our normal delivery zone that was blocked out. It was a low-income apartment complex. One day, we got a new manager. He was eager to up his numbers, so he quickly changed that area to be a legit delivery area.

The first time he handed me an order for that complex, I explained that it was really bad and we didn’t go there for a reason. He accused me of being discriminatory, said to just deliver it, and quit complaining. So, I drove it out there and walked upstairs to the apartment. I knocked—there was no answer. That’s when I made a disturbing realization. It was a vacant apartment.

So I headed back to my car. I was sorting my money bag and next order when I glanced up in the rearview mirror. I saw three bad-looking dudes crossing the parking lot heading right for my car. One of them was carrying a rifle. I cranked up my VW Rabbit, threw it in reverse, and hauled out of the lot. I got back to the shop, and the new manager accused me of making it all up.

He said he didn’t think I had even attempted to deliver the pie and told me to go back there. I said no way. He insisted, so I insisted he come with me. He agreed. We drove back out there; he carried the pizza up the stairs, realized that it was a vacant apartment, and quickly got back in the car. He said, “Sorry, dude. You were right. It was a setup”.

We returned to the shop, and he marked the whole area off-limits again.

mightyatom13

13. Something Was Fishy About This Order

When I was in high school, I worked as a delivery driver for Papa John’s. It was a good weekend job, with lots of nice people in my area. However, there were a couple of people who we didn’t like to serve and were later added to the blacklist. One memorable house had this guy who would order massive amounts of pizza—from seven to twenty pizzas—and pay with cash.

It was always the same order. Naturally, we would call ahead of time to make sure it was a legit order and that we would get paid for the pizza. He would answer, tell us that it’s all good and that he had the cash. I would load up my car, drive over, and he would never be there. The lights would be off in the house and everything.

This went on three times before we decided to add him to the blacklist. Then, we would get the same order put in for other houses. We would get sketched out and not deliver to these houses. Over time, and with many anchovies and olive orders made, we added about six or seven houses to the blacklist.

Toombah

14. He Was In For A Rude Awakening

I worked for a restaurant delivery service. We had one incredibly misogynistic and verbally disparaging man. He would call and order, being a moron the whole time. He would say, “I don’t give a darn about any specials, just gimme a rib plate”. Then ten minutes later, he would call back livid because his food wasn’t there yet and curse at us.

It was glorious when my boss snatched the phone from me, mid-tirade, and finally told the guy off.

maddomesticscientist

15. Under Surveillance

I used to deliver to this one house, and they would always ask to deliver it to the backdoor under the porch. Every time it would always be a different person who seemed high on something. Apparently, they saw one of the delivery drivers—on their cameras—going through their cars and taking something. They suspected it was me.

The next time I delivered there, I went to the front door, and this guy with two huge angry Rottweilers on leashes opened the door. I immediately ratted out my coworker and explained it wasn’t me. The guy felt bad and invited me in, gave me a fat tip, and I left. It must’ve been a dope den or something because there was a big flat-screen TV that had live-stream footage of security cameras around their house.

My boss stopped taking orders from them after that.

morning_brews

16. He Was Hoping For More Than Just A Pie

I used to work at a sub shop. One guy would always order inane things like a bag of ice, a jar of mayo, and food. He tipped pretty well, so the owner put up with him. However, he had the habit of coming to the door in nothing but underpants and socks. He would ask the male delivery drivers to come and swim in his penthouse with him and invite them in for drinks—until the day he went too far.

This time, when he ordered, he faked a heart attack to try and get me into his condo to take care of him. That’s when owner put him on the no-delivery list.

Austrinaut

17. Hoagie Horror

I used to deliver sandwiches for a shop. We had to blacklist this one lady who would call up at the last minute and demand 50–100 sandwiches for her meetings to be delivered in 15 minutes. We explained over and over again how that was not possible, but she still demanded her order. So, when it showed up 45 minutes later than expected, she would become a monster.

She would cause a scene, wouldn’t tip, and would send in complaints to the district manager.  This occurred numerous times. One day, she called in an order for 200 sandwiches and wanted it in 15 minutes. I delivered them myself.  She took the sandwiches from me, and I sat there and waited for her to sign the receipt. I waited and waited.

She took the sandwiches into her meeting and booked out of there. She then called her bank to cancel the charge on her card and called us in for fraud. She had the nerve to call up our district manager and say that we OWED this to her since all of her orders were late. She was blacklisted after that, and my district manager finally apologized for not believing she was a nightmare.

Booner999

18. Going In Circles

We had a pain-in-the-neck family who lived in an obscure, hard-to-find house. They ordered once a month and usually got a different driver who couldn’t find their home. They wouldn’t answer the phone when we tried to call for directions. They would eventually call up demanding the pizza be free and that they would pick it up themselves.

One day they did this when the regional manager was visiting. She spoke to them, said she would deliver the pizza herself and chatted to them about the issue. They gave her directions. She delivered the pizza and told them they were banned from the store and never to order from there again because no one would deliver to them.

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19. This One Was For The Books

Years ago, I worked in a popular deep-dish pizza place in an affluent area part of Manhattan. There was a 50-cent surcharge for takeout and delivery because the pizza came in aluminum tins for the deep dish. Every time a delivery was made, the wife of this famous writer would call and claim she was getting ripped off. Then she would stiff the poor delivery guy.

So, they were blacklisted from delivery. But sadly, we weren’t rid of them just yet. As a result, they started coming in and became a significant pain in the neck. They complained about everything and generally caused a riot every time they came in. They would stiff the waitstaff to the degree the waitstaff would argue over who would serve them.

The owners had done everything to make them happy, but enough was enough. They were told to take a hike, and they were also banned from coming into the store.

tellyeggs

20.  He Wanted Me To Be His Dumpling!

My brother and I were the two delivery boys for a Chinese place near my house. One day, I was working, and a delivery was called in from one of our regulars. It was a massive house with a cool guy who was a good tipper. Needless to say, I was ready for a nice tip. I showed up, and this middle-aged man answered. I assumed it was his dad.

I looked down at the bag to give him his total, and as I did, the guy grabbed my arm and tried to pull me into his house! I just dropped the bag and popped him in the face. He loosened his grip a little, so I wriggled my arm free and high-tailed it out of there. A few court appearances later, he got charged with assault and harassment.

kylehermann

21. Miscommunication Mixup

When I was delivering pizzas, we had a vast delivery area. There was an entire section of our city blacked out on the delivery map with a black marker because many of the drivers had been held up there. If someone called from that area, our computer would alert us that we could not deliver. We had a new manager come in and take an order—but he made a huge mistake.

He told the woman, who was African-American, we couldn’t deliver to her because she called from the black area. The woman on the other end of the phone was screaming so loud that he held the phone away from his ear, and I learned a few new word combinations that day. He hung up on her and thought that was the end of it. But it wasn’t—the woman came in. 

She was screaming before she even fully entered the shop about discrimination and how she should have a free pizza for the harassment. I ducked out to deliver a pizza. By the time I came back, the woman was gone, and there was a sticky note on the giant delivery map on our wall above the blacked-out area that said, “From here on out, the blackout zone shall be referred to as the no-delivery zone”.

UnknownWriter1138

22. A Slice Of New York

I worked at a local pizza parlor. We had this lady that would place an order for delivery and, after receiving her pizza, complained that the pizza wasn’t what she ordered. After a few times of people just going through the motions of “the customer is always right” and giving her a free pizza, the owner got wise to it.

The next time she called, he specifically took her order. He wrote it down perfectly, had her repeat it twice, and brought the ticket to her house with the pizza she ordered. When she gave him grief about the pizza being wrong, he demonstrated how stupid she was and to never call back again. The owner was from New York, so he wasn’t polite about it.

She called in later that night to complain about how the delivery person was rude and that she would be speaking to “HR” and the owner. He said, “I am HR, I am the owner, and take a hike,” and then hung up. As far as I know, she never called back again.

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23. The Light Sauce Lady

In high school, the pizza place I worked at had this one customer we called the “light sauce lady” because she wanted only the faintest hint of sauce on her pizza. Not no sauce, but the bare minimum you could put on and still say it had sauce on it. Without fail, the first pizza we gave her was never right. We would even have the veteran managers make her food every time to try and avoid this, but she would want it remade every time.

Eventually, the store manager said that when she ordered, we would give her a decoy pizza first since we knew it would be rejected no matter what. We only used about a quarter of the full amount of cheese on that one since the cheese was by far the most expensive element of the pizza, and it was going to be thrown out anyway.

One day, our district manager, who was all about customer service, was in the store when the cook called out for a decoy pizza. The DM asked what that meant, and the store manager told him everything, thinking she was going to be in trouble. The DM ended up giving her a raise, saying that he was happy that we kept a demanding customer and kept costs down.

Population-Tire

24.  She Finally Got Squeezed Out

I used to do delivery for a sandwich place. A woman would order a foot-long cheese and mayo sandwich twice a week, every week. It was 12-inch white sub bread, eight pieces of cheese, and one half to three-quarters of a squeeze bottle full of mayo, microwaved for 45 seconds. If the cheese to mayo ratio was off, we would get a belligerent call demanding a refund.

Eventually, the owner got tired of her nonsense and put her on the do not deliver list.

lebowskiachiever12

25.  This Delivery Came With Security Detail

We had a nasty apartment complex in one area of Sacramento that was a total no-go. One night, a new guy took an order and actually accepted one from there. I was about to call back and say no when two officers came in to pick up their pizza. They were listening and offered to tag along on the delivery. I was dumb and crazy back then, so we made the pizza, I loaded it up, and drove out there.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, the officer turned off ALL his lights and coasted into the spot next to mine. I walked up, started the spiel, and listened to their story of who ordered what. I began to leave when someone stepped out of the bushes next to me, where he’d been hiding. Big mistake. Instantly, every light came on the cruiser, with both spotlights pointing right at me.

The officers got out of the car, and the dude stepped back. I walked back to my car, and a couple of officers got an extra free pizza that night.

colonelkidney

26. Into The Darkness

I delivered pizza for almost a year, and most houses were fine. However, there was always one place I loathed delivering food to. I got an order to take a couple of pizzas to this one address I hadn’t delivered to in a while. I drove there but couldn’t find the street sign, and my phone’s GPS was telling me to take a turn into a forested area with no discernible roadway.

I drove around for 15–20 minutes, trying to find the right road to turn into and repeatedly calling this customer. I finally stopped where it was telling me to turn and got out. I was walking on the side of the road with a flashlight and saw the narrowest dirt road winding into some trees. I assumed that was it and pulled in.

After a minute or so of slowly driving with the high beams on, I pulled up to two identical trailers in the middle of the woods. There was one on the right and one on the left. There were no numbers, and this guy was still not picking up. There were no lights on in either house and eventually, I decided I wasn’t ready to die.

So, I was going to take the pizza back, and say that they never answered. I leaned into my car to grab my phone to call HQ, and when I stood back up, I saw something that made my blood run cold. This dude was standing on the other side of my car, staring at me. He didn’t make a single sound walking up to my car. He looked like Vince Neil if he were a vampire.

He was dirty, had long nails, and was a heavy-set mouth breather. He plopped the wrinkled cash onto the roof of my car, walked around, gently took the pizzas from my hands, and walked off into the darkness. He didn’t even head to one of the houses.

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27. This Guy Kneaded A Bath

I did a lot of delivery over the years and saw a lot of blacklisted houses/complexes, but most were for the same thing—risk. The places I worked were generally all managed by people that had worked their way up through the ranks, which meant most of them had done delivery at some point in time or another and valued the discretion of the drivers.

That being said, there was one place that got blacklisted while I was working at a Pizza Hut in the Phoenix area. This apartment was inhabited by a gentleman of a larger size who didn’t bathe. When he opened the door, the smell punched me in the face so hard that I gagged and had to step back to find a whiff of fresh air.

His tank top was a color somewhere between brown and yellow, and the smell of a cat box—that had not been cleaned since Columbus sailed the ocean blue—lingered with me long after I had left. The icing on the cake was the black neck sludge seeping out of the folds under his chin. It looked moist and slimy, though when he moved his head, it seemed to have the constancy of tar.

The image of it haunted me for many years. I described the incident in detail to my manager when I got back and told her the apartment number. As it turned out, we weren’t supposed to deliver there in the first place, but since our computer system didn’t have an actual “blacklist,” he slipped through the cracks.

Kaostick

28. He Was A Supreme Buffoon

I used to be a delivery driver for Pizza Hut. I worked the Sunday afternoon shifts and would have the same man order a supreme pizza every single week. I was always the one to deliver his order because, most of the time, I was the only driver on duty at that time of day. He was a nice, quiet man who had a lovely front porch.

One day, I didn’t take his delivery for some reason. Another driver, a guy, took the delivery instead. On that day, the customer decided to open the door in the buff. He wanted to show me, a small redheaded girl, the goods. He never got another delivery.

AreNotOnFire

29. This House Was Cursed!

I managed a nationwide pizza store through college. We had blacklisted addresses, primarily because of bad checks, high crime, and what-not. However, the most curious one was not because the residents did anything wrong, but because the drivers just flat-out refused to go to this house after a while. It started one night when we made a delivery there, and the dude had a heart attack while paying for the pizza.

He just dropped right there in his doorway. This was before cell phones were ubiquitous, so the driver had to go into his house to call for help. The guy’s family sued the driver because “things had gone missing”. The case was thrown out, but it left an impression on the store. And the next thing that happened made us believe the house was cursed.

The next resident of the house called up one day and paid for his $25 worth of pizza with a $100 bill. However, the driver got rear-ended on the way back to the shop less than 100 yards away. So, the house had a bit of a reputation by that point. The next time somebody took a pizza there, the driver joked that he had a cellphone and, because the address was so close, he decided that he would walk to the house to make the delivery. Well, what happened next proved that it was cursed.

A car ran up on the sidewalk, ran him down, shattering his leg on the way back. I couldn’t get anyone else to make a delivery there after that.

Green-Elf

30. This Customer Wasn’t Going To Get Any Cheesier

We had to blacklist a customer who would constantly order pizzas and complain that there was not enough cheese. They ordered the “chicken club” pizza, which has jalapeno ranch sauce, ham, bacon, chicken, and tomato. Depending on the size of the pizza, topping amounts vary. However, due to the creamy nature of the sauce, we put half the amount of cheese on that particular pizza.

They ordered 78 times and had complained 49 times. Company policy was to refund the customer fully and send a new pizza free of charge or give the customer a credit in the amount of the pizza for the “inconvenience”. This time, knowing that they were a problem customer, the deal was that they had to trade in their old pizza for the new one. I made sure to use the same amount of cheese as the first, as it should be.

They consumed about three-quarters of the pizza before phoning in their complaint. Our delivery driver brought back the nearly finished pizza and showed it to the manager, who promptly phoned the call center to blacklist them. But we didn’t get rid of them yet. They then created a new account under a different phone number and ordered an additional 15 times with nine complaints.

By that point, they were adding confusing instructions such as “allergic to tomatoes,” so if I opted to heed the allergy warning, they would complain that they “did not receive their tomatoes”, and if I did include the tomatoes, they would complain that “they are allergic and want a new pizza”. Our manager finally went ahead and banned the address completely.

malon-talon

31.  I High-Tailed It Outta There

My parents owned a pizza restaurant, and I had a couple from an apartment complex call and order a pie. It was common knowledge that this complex was heavily polluted with lowlifes. When I got to the door, I heard the couple shouting, so I timidly knocked. The man shouted, “HE’S HERE, WHERE’S THE MONEY,” and the woman replied, “I don’t know”. The guy then screamed some gibberish back, so I knocked again, thinking, “I’m going to die”.

They were yelling at each other when I heard a loud bang, and she screamed, “Get off of me”. I ran out, got in my truck and was gone before they ever came to the door. However, the genius in me forgot that I had called them on my personal cell phone because they had given me an address that didn’t exist. By the time I reached the shop, I had 15 missed calls from this couple.

I blocked the number. Then they constantly called the store demanding their food and my dad straight up told them that he refused to put a driver in danger and that if they wanted their order, either the driver would come with a law enforcement escort or they could come to get their food. They threatened to “make us pay if we didn’t bring it to them,” but they were probably too messed up to find the pizza shop in the first place.

Hotdiggitydoggigitty

32. He Got Bowled Over

I worked at a Subway, and we had lots of regulars. One guy was a complete idiot. He walked in, said only “bowls,” and expected everyone working to know what that meant. People who worked there long enough knew what he meant, but anyone new was lost. Bowls referred to two soup bowls with two scoops of tuna in each. If you mixed them up, he would throw a fit.

One day, the dude walked in the same as always. Our new manager, his older brother, who was a manager at a different store, and our store owner were out on the line. None of them had a clue who this guy was or what he wanted when he demanded “bowls”. The new manager said, “Bowls of what, sir”?  Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say because he lost it.

He started screaming and ranting, calling the manager a moron, so the owner stepped in and said, “Hey, you don’t need to be talking to my staff that way. Get out of my store, and never come back in here again. If you come back to any of my nine locations, my staff will call the authorities”. The customer started cursing at him and said, “I’ve been coming here for years! You can’t just toss me out! I want my bowls”!

The owner told him to get out immediately and banned him for life.

lollibearr

33. What A Bunch Of Weirdoughs!

There was this house I used to deliver to often. They were decent enough folk, except they had numerous kids. One winter, right before Christmas, they ordered in the middle of the day, which was strange. I drove over, and there was a note saying go to the back door. So, I trudged through the snow to the back of the house, where this scruffy-sounding guy wouldn’t even open the door to speak to me face to face.

He was insulting and tipped me about 65 cents. I called him a cheapskate under my breath, and he must have heard me somehow because he started yelling. It was the last time that house ever got delivery from us.

TravtheCoach

34. The History Of The Blacklist

The store I worked in had a running “blacklist” of houses that we either did not deliver to or were shifted to the bottom of the priority list. About three months into my first stint as a driver for a national pizza chain, I started to notice a pattern of regular customers who did not tip. I am talking flat-out exact-change and no-tip. I even got berated once for not having “change” to give back the customer his 32 cents.

I was one of two full-time drivers. On a particularly slow mid-week shift, we started talking about the whole “exact-change/no-tip” thing. We compared stories and even addresses. We realized that this was a chronic issue, not just something unique to my own experience. Around that time, we were upgrading to a new order management and dispatch system.

While setting things up, we noticed we could customize the order-taking screen. There was one line item for delivery notes that was public, where it would show up on the printed receipt, and another that was private, where the line would not print. Realizing this, we exchanged knowing looks and began referring to “Delivery Note #2” as the “Blacklist Line”.

Once the new system went live, we started keeping track of things like which customers were great tippers and super nice—high priority customers—and which customers were impolite/rude and/or were exact-change/no-tip types—low priority customers. After about three months, we had a pretty smooth system going. If a blacklisted customer ordered, I would refuse to take it and leave it for one of the drivers with less seniority.

We updated the entries regularly. There was one particular customer that I, and the rest of the drivers, had finally gotten to the point of refusing to deliver to them, period. I deleted their address from the system and made a note that said they were habitually rude, did not tip, were sometimes not home when they ordered delivery, and often complained for no reason to get free pizza.

The manager was even tired of this customer’s nonsense but still had to abide by the whole “customer is always right” motto. So, one night this customer called in, and the poor girl taking the order didn’t know what hit her. She said that we, as a store, could not deliver to them. The customer went off on her. She started crying and handed the phone to the manager.

He got the customer’s story and told the customer he would call them right back. I came in from an order and got cornered by the manager. I could tell he was angry, but he gave me a chance to explain the situation. A few minutes later, the other full-timer came in and confirmed the story as well as why we made the decision not to deliver to them anymore.

The manager called the customer and flat-out told him why we couldn’t deliver. A heated pseudo-argument ensued, and the manager ended by saying, “Our delivery service is just that, a service. It is customary to tip delivery drivers because they are using their own vehicles and paying for the gas out of their own pockets. If you don’t want to tip a delivery driver, then don’t order delivery. Thank you and goodbye”. He then slammed down the receiver.

From then on, “The Blacklist” became an accepted thing, and during an all-store staff meeting the following week, the system was explained so that everyone else who worked there understood what “Delivery Line #2” meant. A few months later, I left to go to school out of town.  When I finished four years later, I decided to pick up delivering again part-time while I went to grad school. I noticed “The Blacklist” was still going strong—needless to say, I was pleased.

sn44

35. This Customer Left A Bad Taste

When I was in college, I was one of two delivery people for a local college-town pizza place; the other was a woman who was also a student. We were out on a delivery, and when she got to the house, the customer took the pizzas, grabbed her behind, and licked her face. She shoved the pizza box into the customer and left without taking the money, and we called the authorities.

At first, we were worried that it was some kind of hidden camera thing, but then we learned the chilling truth. It turned out the customer had, on the same night, gotten sloshed and ordered take-out from ten different places and attempted to force herself on every delivery person, regardless of gender. Needless to say, we had to start a no-delivery list.

Permalink

36. No One Wants To Hear It, Ken!

My old roommate used to think he was a great networker and executive. He would order from a wing joint and then call them up afterward and ask for the manager to give them his thoughts on the meal. He would always ask for the manager’s name and end the conversation with some condescending comments. A few orders later, he would start complaining about the most inane things.

He would ask for the manager by name and say things like, “I see that there were fewer fries in my order than when we first started—this isn’t gonna fly”, to “The wings were less flavorful, how are you going to make this right for me”? It got so bad the workers would refuse to put the manager on. He started demanding things for free, always bringing up that time the wings were not as moist, or the fries were soggy until management had enough and told him not to call anymore.

Permalink

37. Sweet Revenge

When I was 17, I spent a summer delivering pizza. I had this one big lady who always ordered the same thing—two calzones and two cans of Coke. Every single time I went to her house, no matter how quick I was, I got yelled at for being late and having her food cold, and she never tipped. She used to take the food, put it on her door side table, hand me the exact change, and open a Coke as she walked inside.

After numerous requests to stop delivering her order and make her get it herself, I started putting her on low priority. Before the end of the summer, I got my revenge. I got a delivery for her and left her food until the end of my run. I also spent the whole trip banging the two Coke cans together for an hour in my car. It was immature, but the look on her face as she turned into her house and cracked that can of Coke to have it burst across the entire inside of her home was priceless.

ElderlyPowerUser

38. Repeat Offenders

I had to deliver to a complex in a bad part of town. I had delivered there numerous times and was just waiting for the moment I was going to get held up. I got to the door, and there was a teenager out front. He waved at me; I pulled up and got out of the car with the enormous order. He tried the door—it was locked, so he uttered something like, “Oh man, they playin”.

Then down the stairs behind me came four to five more kids, one of which had a red mask on and a piece extended out toward me. He said, “Get on the ground, get on the ground”, so I did. I gave them the money, they grabbed the pizzas, and they all ran off.  A week or two later, I got another run for a house directly across the street from that very same apartment complex.

I showed up, and the VERY SAME kid who was waiting for me last time was outside again waiting for me. About the same time, the VERY SAME group of kids came out of the house, but not to swindle me. These little guys had the nerve to hold me up and then just order a pizza like it was nothing. I recognized every one of them, and it was apparent they recognized me.

I returned to the store and told my bosses who I had just delivered to, but they didn’t care. The next day when the same people ordered and I got the run, I told my boss no way and refused to go back.

tweakalicious

39. He Wouldn’t Take No For An Answer

I had a guy call from an apartment address that was banned. I answered and told him, “Sorry, sir, but I can’t deliver to that address”. He told me that he had just moved in and didn’t care what the previous tenant did; we were going to deliver. I said, “I’m sorry, sir, but I just can’t”. The guy proceeded to tell me I was going to deliver, or he would show up at the restaurant and beat me like a dog.

We phoned the authorities. The guy never showed and we kept his address on the ban list, even if he actually was a new tenant.

lebowskiachiever12

40. He Got Smoked Out

A few years back, I was working at a Pizza Hut, and we had this real straight-edge kid working as a driver. He was a good kid, a little non-confrontational but nice. I happened to be working on the day of his final delivery. Apparently, when he arrived at the house, the owners answered with horse masks on, and one blew smoke of some kind in his face.

The driver said he needed to go to the hospital and never came back to work.

ftbllguy2

41. We Banned This Turkey

My district manager once blacklisted a guy that called us on Thanksgiving Day when we were closed. He had left a 30-minute message at the corporate office, cursing us out for not giving him his Thanksgiving Day pizza. The district manager brought in the recording so we could all laugh at how insanely angry this guy was.

bluemoonflame

42. Poo-peroni!

There was this one guy who frequently paid in small bills and change, who would answer the door in poop-filled pants. When he opened his front door, a wall of reeking stench would hit you in the face. I’m not sure if he ever changed those pants, as they were coated in dried excrement. I delivered to him one day, and as usual, his money was not the freshest.

Then, he put in an order just an hour after I delivered the first one. I was a young college girl at the time, so my male co-worker delivered the next one to him. This time, he opened the door completely in the buff. We think he was hoping for me to make that delivery. The money he gave my coworker was so dirty that it stuck to his hand.

He tried to shake loose a coin from his hand that was just suctioned there. It was the only place that the employees refused to go to.

Emberl

43. This Customer Was Half-Baked

We had a customer who was insane. She was rich and lived in a nice hotel after her husband passed. She would call and haggle over 25 cents on a $5 individual pizza every time. We would spend 5-10 minutes arguing with her to the point that the crazy lady simply got special pricing on the pizza. We created a unique coupon code simply for this purpose. But that’s not the weirdest part.

When I got there, she would hit on me and then talk about how she lived in this hotel because she was afraid of storms.

cashcow1

44. He Got Lopped After His Lecture

In college, I took a delivery that totaled about $19.73. The guy gave me $20—assuming the $0.27 was my tip—I turned to walk away. He chewed me out for five minutes about why I should never assume I earned a tip, even if it was only change. He said it was unacceptable that I didn’t have any coins to give him the exact change, so I told him to call the store about it.

When I got back, the owner was getting off the phone with the guy, looked at me, and said, “We’re never delivering that guy again,” and put his address on the wall under the phone.

argeelah

45. We Froze Her Out

I work for a local pizza place. We had three apartment complexes and about a dozen people blacklisted. The apartment complexes are all because of multiple incidents, some from us and some from other establishments in the area. However, this one lady would call every Friday night at 11:55 PM, five minutes before closing, to order $40 of ice cream.

She would then call at 12:30 AM and complain about a nut allergy. She would do this every week. We hadn’t put nuts on anything she had ordered since the first time. Finally, the manager chewed her out over the phone and told her not to order. She responded, “Well, I’m on the phone with corporate right now”, which was hilarious—since we didn’t have a corporate office.

CappuccinoBoy

46. The Legend Of Bannick

Back in the 90s, I worked as a pizza driver in Seattle for a gourmet pizza place. Our delivery area was downtown, among a few other neighborhoods. It had everything from millionaire high rollers to working-class stiffs and low-income rent-controlled buildings with people so poor that I wondered why they wanted our overpriced pizza. One customer stood out among the crowd as the worst ever—Bannick.

He was a creature unlike any other. He tipped okay, never gave anyone a problem, and never complained—however, his legend grew slowly. I had heard a few rumors about a really weird, creepy situation that a couple of drivers had, but no specifics. A few weeks later, my best friend, who also worked at this store with me said, “I’ve just seen the Bannick”. He visibly shuddered and said, “I almost threw up, oh, the smell”!

We went about our lives, busy as usual. My friend would remark upon the smell from time to time, but that was it. According to him, the apartment was dark, and you couldn’t see anything in there—just a terrible smell—yet he was creeped out. Later that month, I got a Bannick delivery, and it changed what I knew about humanity. The apartment building was centrally located downtown and had security, nice hallways, and nice facilities—there was no way it was cheap to live there.

I had my Bannick pizza in hand, ready to battle with reality since I had been forewarned. There were a couple of drivers who refused to deliver to him. I rang and went in. The elevator was normal, and I walked down the clean, modern hallway until I got to the proper door, turned to knock and froze. The door—painted a commercial white—was smudged with raised bits of black stuff, as was the doorknob.

As I inspected it further, I could pick out handprints, fingerprints, and thumbnail scrapes. I could clearly see where the door had been touched regularly and how. It was fascinating but unsettling. I picked a place on the door that was less filthy than the surrounding area and knocked, resisting the urge to wipe my hand on my pants. I heard shuffling inside as someone got closer to the door.

I also heard an odd sound like Velcro. As the noise got closer, I glanced down and noticed that the carpet was discolored a little in the hallway starting at the door. As the doorknob began to turn, I saw the carpet flex and heard another squelch sound, and realized that the Velcro sound was him walking! The doorway cracked open. There was darkness beyond. He had to have had the windows completely covered.

I dimly saw a face and the outline of a head and said, “Uh, pizza”. I regretted it immediately. I had to involuntarily take a breath afterward. The smell was astonishing—like being hit in the face with a rotten corpse. I felt my stomach cramp as I struggled not to vomit. I would never have thought it possible. I’ve worked in feedlots, slaughterhouses, and pig farms. I’m as tough as guys get.

I’ve ridden rodeo bulls, birthed calves and horses, and done every kind of work that middle America could dream up, and yet, I was not prepared for Bannick. I struggled to remain in place. Begrudgingly, Bannick slid open his door. Time dilated for me. I was horrified, disgusted, fascinated, and gratified all at once. I wanted to run screaming, but I hadn’t even seen the guy yet!

The door opened wider, and I held my breath—both literally and metaphorically. As a wedge of light entered the condo, I got a glimpse of the interior wall. It was streaked with stuff. The light switch was caked with it, and the smell grew even worse. I already knew I wasn’t ever coming back, so I did the unthinkable. I gave the door a little tap. I wanted more of a look inside, but I didn’t get it.

The sight of Bannick stopped me, and parts of my brain collapsed. This poor creature, this wretch, this filthy, stinky unkempt guy was covered in months’ worth of oily residue. His eyes were a milky white, his hair an oily, shiny tumble of black, he had warts everywhere, and his hands were covered in that black muck. With mounting horror, I tried desperately to make polite small talk as I watched his hands reach out toward me and the pizza.

I watched with numb fascination as he held a filthy encrusted wad of money out to me. I choked a little as I accepted it. The door closed, and it was done, but the image of Bannick’s warty hand was frozen into my mind’s eye. When I returned to the store and told my manager what I had seen and that I would never go there again, we banned him from receiving delivery. It was a health hazard, and none of our drivers would go there anymore.

Eclectophile

47. Holy Hot Wings!

When I delivered pizzas in college, there was a legend about this really big guy who would call up and order 100 hot wings at a time. While that was impressive, the legendary part was his explanation of how to make them. He would tell whoever picked up the phone: “Make them so hot that it burns when I take a poo.” This guy was apparently disgusting and didn’t tip well either.

I spent all summer hoping to get a delivery to him, and finally, I did. As he opened the door, I got a shock so bad I’m still not sure I’ve ever recovered. The legendary capsaicin capper was my estranged lunatic uncle. The last time I had seen him was when he shattered a dining chair at Thanksgiving about a decade earlier. He was nuts and outright mean.

It was mortifying going back to the pizzeria and having everyone ask me how terrible he was.

voujon85

48. Nothing Like Detroit Pizza

Years ago, I was delivering pizzas in Detroit as a part-time gig. At the time, Detroit’s neighborhoods were rough. As I was driving down the street, I knew it was going to be bad. Every other house was either burned out or very obviously abandoned. But, this one house, in particular, was in awful shape. I tried to be optimistic.

I walked up to the door. The awning was kind of drooping over my head, and I knocked. Almost instantly, the door cracked open, and all I saw was a dark hand with what looked like a Glock. A voice said, “Leave the pizza and walk away.” I complied. When I got back to the store, I told my manager that I wouldn’t be delivering to that neighborhood anymore—it was on another level.

chronologicalist

49. Something Was Buggy

A co-worker and friend of mine got a delivery one night. Before he left, our manager pulled him into the office and gave him the most sinister set of instructions. He gave my friend a pair of latex gloves and instructed him to use them to put the money in an envelope. He was confused but didn’t ask many questions. The manager told him that when he got to the house, there would be actual caution tape around the yard and a sign that said something like “Warning: infestation”.

My coworker was somewhat of a germaphobe, to begin with, so at that point, he did not want to go up to the door, but he had to deliver this pizza. The woman who answered was grotesque. She was covered in red splotches and potentially bites of some kind. He quickly handed her the pizza, carefully took her money with the gloves on, stuffed it in the envelope, and sprinted back to his car.

When he got back to the store, he threw a fit. The manager felt so bad she put the house on the blacklist.

dylangle

Sources: 1, 2, 3

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