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Delicious Instant Karma

Penelope Singh

Sometimes, we all just need a little karmic justice in our lives. And if that karma comes along instantly to a horrible person making our days worse, all the better. These Redditors know that better than anyone, because they got to witness delicious moments of instant karma with their very own eyes. Read these stories and weep for joy.


1. Stuck In Her Ways

Back in high school, I worked for the street department of my city. We were putting a concrete patch on a street and had a lane blocked off. A lady in a huge hurry and a nice expensive car blew by me as I was holding the sign that says stop on one side and slow in the other.

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The “stop” was facing her. I tell her to stop. She swears and goes by. It turned out to be the worst thing she ever did. 

Then she drives right into the wet concrete that goes right up to the bottom of her doors. She tries to get out of her car in her high heels and we just stand there and watch her swear at all of us to help her as she ruins her expensive shoes.

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She gets out barefoot and storms off. We had her car towed.

runs_in_the_jeans

2. She Got A Doggone Sweet Surprise

I used to clean a local gymnastics facility on the weekends. The owner would rent out the place for birthday parties, and one of the coaches was always present for them.

One weekend, I saw a car pull up about an hour before the party was to start. I was finishing cleaning the lobby, and we had no power as our lights were being replaced.

This woman came in and headed upstairs.

About ten seconds later, she came STORMING down the stairs, got in my face, and started yelling, “WHY is there no power?! I’m supposed to set up for this party. HOW am I supposed to do that WHEN I CAN’T SEE WHAT I’M DOING”?

! I was a little stunned and told her that, per the owner’s policy, she couldn’t be in the building until the coach arrived.

Her face went purple. I’ve never witnessed anything like her reaction.

She yelled, “HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN NOT DO! THE OWNER SAID I COULD BE HERE WHENEVER I WANTED. I WON’T TAKE THIS GARBAGE FROM SOME STUPID KID”! I said, “Fine, but your power won’t be on for another 45 minutes.

You might as well go wait in your car until the coach gets here”.

She stomped off, tried to slam the door, and proceeded to try and call the owner. When the coach finally arrived, I told her what had happened and how she acted towards me.

I also left a note for the owner and called her to inform her. I left the gym and went home for the night. The following day, I went in to get paid. The owner pulled me aside and told me I did everything right in that situation.

 Then I found out the whole story. 

I found out that not only was that lady completely nasty to the coach as well, but that she didn’t pay for the party, and she stayed a full hour longer than what was rented. Then, I got the best news possible.

When the parents were all inside, her dog had gotten into the cake that was in her car and ate about half of it. Her reaction was deranged.

She then said, “Oh, we can still use it.

We’ll just cut around the parts the dog ate”. 40 minutes later, she came running back into the gym, grabbed a bunch of paper towels, and returned to her car. Within the time that she brought the cake inside to the time she went back out, her dog had pooped and puked EVERYWHERE in her car—on the seats, floors, armrests, even the dashboard. This car was COVERED in poo and vomit.

onemedicman

3. For The Birds

I was sitting at a stoplight, watching as two preppy girls from the university chased pigeons off the sidewalk. They flew up and landed a few feet further every time. As they approached the intersection, one of the girls squealed and ran right at them.

As they took flight in the same direction, a bus drove by at full speed, probably 35 to 40 mph.

Two of the pigeons didn’t make it in time and instantly transformed into a cloud of feathers and smaller pigeon pieces.

Then I heard the blood-curling scream and witness the karma. “They’re ON me! THEY’RE ON ME”! The girl was COVERED in pigeon guts and feathers, and she was completely losing her mind. Her friend was doubled over in laughter.

I don’t think she’ll be tormenting pigeons ever again.

NorthwestGiraffe

4. Room Service

For a full year, my college roommate secretly slept with my boyfriend while I was at class. I routinely took more than a full course load and was in math and science classes or study groups every morning.

One day, I walked in to see a horrifying sight. They were just fully in the act after I came back early from a canceled class.

I moved out. I was more angry at her than heartbroken.

I also lost most of my friends through the breakup, and they stuck together for a good while. Fast forward five years later. Those two throw a crazy expensive engagement party at the guy’s parents’ beach house, which was attended by some still-mutual friends who told me everything.

At the party, she caught him sleeping with one of the waitresses from the catering company in a bathroom. They still got married. I feel a little bad for her despite the karma balance. She feels like she can’t do better than being with a cheater.

whalesharkbite

Delayed karmaUnsplash

5. The Ultimate Revenge

I used to play frisbee in a parking lot on Saturday nights and people would often drive their cars through to mess with us on a regular basis. One night, a guy drove his car up to the edge of the area where we were playing and started revving his engine really aggressively.

We ended the point and cleared the area to give him space.

The dude then dropped the clutch and sped through the parking lot…but he missed one crucial detail. He failed to notice the raised median in his path.

He hit it while going pretty fast and totally wrecked the underside of his car. He came to a stop, then went out to check the damage—it was clearly leaking a lot of fluid. Then came the cherry on top.

An officer who was just hanging out in a different part of the shopping area saw the whole thing go down, so he cruised up on the dude with his lights flashing. We went back to playing.

aisle5

6. An Awful Accident

While working for the fire department, I was on a call for a multi-vehicle rollover accident on the interstate. We got on the interstate one exit away, running into traffic, so we moved over to the emergency lane seeing lights and sirens.

We were about halfway there, and a BMW pulls in front of us trying to cut through the traffic, he didn’t even look. I couldn’t believe it—but he was just getting started.

I laid into the air horn, and he came to a complete stop, with his middle finger out the window.

I’d had a lot of people do stupid things when seeing lights coming at them, but this guy was being a jerk for the sake of being a jerk. He got out of his car and started screaming at us.

Meanwhile, he was blocking the only fire engine and two ambulances available.

People were really hurt half a mile away, and he was making his stand because we honked our air horn at him for blocking us.

I looked out at my mirror to see a highway patrolman running between lanes towards us…the guy was so mad. BMW boy was immediately handcuffed, his pretty car got pushed out of the way into a ditch, and he got taken away.

CaptFluffyBunny

7. One For The Burn Book

On my way home from work, I stopped at a grocery store to get something to eat. At the time, I was wearing a really ratty and torn hoodie that I usually wore to work all the time.

In front of me in line were two pretty girls. They were talking trash about the cashier and they weren’t trying to hide it, either. At some point, of them turned to me, looked me up and down, and nudged her friend.

Pointing towards me, she said one of the rudest things I’ve ever heard. “Looks like someone can’t afford nice things”. I looked her right in the face and in my most sincere voice said, “My dad gave me this sweatshirt the winter before he passed”. The girl looked horrified and immediately began to cry.

I just walked away and got into another line.

90lb_Balls

8. The Principle Of The Thing

I worked as a database administrator for a community center one summer in university. Basically, I created a database for them to track who was donating to them and how much they were donating, as well a who was volunteering, and for how many hours.

Very simple work and I got along well with my co-workers. There was just one enormous problem.

M immediate boss was a total piece of work. The next spring, I was applying for jobs and e-mailed my old boss to ask for a letter of recommendation.

Much to my surprise, she told me that she didn’t write recommendation letters “out of principle”. I was pretty ticked off about it because I was finding it very difficult to find a position.

Not being able to count on my most recent employer for a reference was a definite blemish on my resume. However, in spite of this, I managed to land a decent job. Lo and behold, I got to get revenge on day one of my new job.

That day, my boss happened to email me about a problem at my old work with the database I had worked on.

She had moved some files around, rendering it impossible for her to access the database.

She asked if I would come in. I had the best reply. I e-mailed her back and told her I already had a job and couldn’t do it “out of principle”. From the center’s perspective, it effectively made my entire summer a waste of time.

Hey, what can you do?

ItsOppositeDayHere

9. Impatience Hurts

I was stopped at a red light waiting to turn right. I couldn’t see if there was any traffic coming because of how the intersection was set up, and there was a bus in the left turn lane, so I was just waiting for a green.

The person behind me clearly wanted me to turn because she was honking, yelling, and giving me the finger.

After a couple of seconds, she decided to drive around me and was immediately T-boned. Karma!

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10. Karma Times Two

Where I used to live was a rural area on the outskirts of a small city in Australia. I was heading home from work one night, and the road back to my place is several kilometers long and completely straight.

There were cane fields on either side and no streetlights, so it was very dark. Many people speed down the road because it’s a back road and rarely patrolled.

I was driving along doing the speed limit and this guy comes roaring up behind me with his high beams on.

He sits right behind me then tears around to overtake and takes off doing at least 120 kilometers per hour. Less than a minute later, he must have hit the dirt shoulder and begins to lose control before hitting a slight dip and literally flies through the air into a cane paddock.

At this point, it’s a mixture of absolute shock and wanting to pull over and just laugh. Then, red and blue lights flash up ahead, not 50 meters from the guy. I had never seen an officer on this road before that night so I couldn’t believe it!

I pulled up to ask if he needed any help from me and he goes “Nah, you get home, I got this jerk”. Double instant karma.

loleonii

11. The Tables Have Turned

I had a “friend” in high school who would constantly tell me to off myself.

She would spread horrible rumors about me and demonize me in the hallways. This girl was the typical cheerleader type girl who got everything she wanted, so I guess that’s why she always acted like she was better than me.

Fast forward a few years and I moved out to LA for an awesome job after I graduated college.

She contacted me, asking if I would talk to my boss to see if I could get her a job since it was also her dream job.

It may sound petty, but it was so nice to know that for once she wasn’t going to get everything she wanted. She had treated me so badly, and then years later she really thought I would help her out.

I didn’t.

Throwaway523942934

12. A Busload Of Trouble

This happened a few years ago. I used to live a street or two behind a central suburban bus stop on top of a big hill. I would take the bus every day to college, which was about an hour’s bus ride away.

One morning, I got on the bus and it pulled up to the intersection, waiting at a red light.

When the light turned green, it started pulling out. All of a sudden, this primped-up, snooty, middle-aged woman in a red suit (I still remember the details because it made me so mad) FLEW right through her red light in her huge silver Cadillac, going the same way that the bus was turning.

The bus driver had to slam on the brakes quite suddenly and then honked at the woman.

The woman then FLIPPED THE BUS DRIVER OFF and kept speeding. The bus driver cursed and carried on.

But that wasn’t the end of the story. When we later made our way to the bottom of the hill, we saw that a couple of officers had pulled over a silver Cadillac into the cross street.

They were issuing her a ticket.

The bus driver saw it and said, “Oh yeah, baby”! He pulled the bus over to the sidewalk near where the intersection was and flagged down one of the officers.

The bus driver asked him if she had been caught speeding, and the cop confirmed. Then, the bus driver told him, “She also just ran a red light”.

The cop said, “Well, we will add that to her ticket—would you be willing to come in as a witness in court for that”? The bus driver replied, “HONEY, I GET PAID TO GO TO COURT FOR STUFF LIKE THIS.

IT’D BE MY PLEASURE”. And the whole bus started clapping. It was such a good day. You always dream about nailing people like that.

Seminary_Student

13. In Someone Else’s Shoes

I was seventeen and went to a party where there were kids from two different high schools.

When I went inside, I took off my brand-new Nike Air Mada shoes that I had just bought for $140. Hours later, when I went to leave, my shoes were gone. We had an idea of who took them—a guy from the other school—but I didn’t have proof.

I was so sad and so embarrassed.

I had to drive home in my socks. Long story short, a week later, the girl who threw the party shows up on my doorstep holding something behind her back. Turns out she went to a party and saw the guy who took my shoes—wearing them! When he took them off, she snagged them!

Now, standing in front of me she reveals my Nikes!

She told me the best part was watching him look for them just like I had and then leave in his socks!

cruisefromottawa

14. Busted

I worked as an internal audit intern for a local municipality.

I was 20 years old and hadn’t even taken an audit class yet. After a few weeks, I realized quickly that I was underqualified for the job. However, I still tried to learn and work my tail off.

I noticed there were some issues with the policies and procedures in place. For example, missing money and weak controls.

Anytime I brought it up, the manager would sweep it under the rug and ignore it.

Long story short, I had a huge argument with her and she let me go. Three months later, I got the surprise of my life. The FBI show up at my door. They asked me a few questions about my old manager.

Turns out she conspired with the mayor to accept donations in exchange for certain actions.

Not sure what those actions were. Either way, she got fired and got charged, along with ten other city officials.

1jq512

15. We Never Learn

I got rear-ended in a turn lane because a girl was texting.

She was doing 45 mph and she hit me while I was stopped. I went to her court date, hoping she got a big fine or something like that. When the verdict was announced, my blood boiled.

She got a $50 ticket, which was basically nothing. So yeah, I was more than a little bit upset about this. But I didn’t know what was coming…

As I was sitting at the stoplight to pull out of the court, I watched her run a red light and T-bone an officer. I don’t normally laugh at other people’s misfortunes, however, I laughed my butt off at that one.

SirCorono

16. He Wanted To Be Starting Something

I was walking to the pub after work one rainy evening when I saw a guy intentionally shove himself into a fairly nerdy-looking dude who was walking along with his girlfriend.

He stopped and accused the nerdy guy of pushing him and then gave him a  mouthful. What followed was pure karma. It was one of those moments that was so perfect and full of justice that it was almost too good to be true.

The big guy took a huge swing at the nerdy guy and ended up slipping because it had been raining out. He completely missed hitting the nerdy guy and ended up in a flustered mess on the floor.

The nerdy guy looked bewildered, and his girlfriend was desperately trying to drag him away, but he stood his ground. The big dude seemed to become even angrier due to his embarrassing fall.

He got back up and took another swing, which the nerdy guy dodged.

He slipped again and fell to his knees. The nerdy guy, who was as ruthless as he was good at not getting punched in the face, saw this as a great opportunity to get this nonsense over with.

So, he smacked the guy right in the face with a sweet jab that made a “’thwack” sound.

The original guy went down once and for all, sprawled on the bridge in the rain, while the nerdy guy took his girl’s hand and they went on their merry way together.

Meanwhile, I went to the pub and had a pint in nerdy guy’s honor. It was beautiful, just beautiful.

CantankerousPete

17. Caught In A Blizzard!

I was driving home on the highway during a horrible blizzard at night. The roads were extremely slick and dangerous, I was going about 30 mph.

My daughter was a newborn, and it was the first time I had ever driven in the snow with her. I was nervous. Some jerk in a huge truck is doing 65, passing everyone in the slow lane, and just being really risky and ignorant to the conditions and other drivers in general.

He passed me, and I was like, “You’re gonna crash bro”. Right at that moment, the dude fishtails, loses control, and crashes into a ditch. Don’t worry though, he was completely fine. I know this because I saw him emerge from the truck and do a little angry freak out dance.

His truck wasn’t fine. That’s what you get for endangering others during a blizzard!

nosidammadison

18. Take A Picture, It’ll Last Longer

When I was seven, I had this really terrible babysitter. She would call 9-101 and yell for assistance before hanging up really quickly, just for fun.

She would also regularly forget to make us dinner. The worst thing she did, however, was bring her boyfriend over so that they could make out on the couch and watch movies. Classic teenage stuff, really.

Every time he was over, she would lock me in my room and my five-year-old autistic brother in the basement. He didn’t understand how locks or light switches worked, so he cried pretty much the entire time.

One day, shortly after Christmas while she was over, I took my new point and shoot the camera out for a spin, pretending I was a detective.

I would creep along walls and jump around corners, snapping away at whatever I could find.

I could hear my babysitter talking to her boyfriend on the phone, so I thought I would “investigate”. I crept up to the kitchen and then swung around the corner, snapping away in my camera.

She got really angry and chased me around the house as I was laughing my head off.

The next week, my mom took me to get my film developed. She and I sat down in the mall food court and looked at the pictures…because what mom wouldn’t want to see the pictures their son took with their Christmas present?

As we flipped through, my mom snatched one of the pictures. When she saw it, her face went red with fury.

What was it, you ask? My mom was holding photographic proof of my babysitter going through my mom’s purse. I’ve never seen my mom go off on anyone as she did on that 16-year-old witch.

mattbott

19. That’s What You Get!

At the end of the day in the locker room after gym class, this freshman kid who was really popular and always talked a lot of trash started messing with this guy who was kind of awkward and kind of got picked on a lot.

Apparently, they got in each others’ way in flag football or something. The awkward guy ignores the cocky kid for a while until the cocky kid pushed him.

The awkward guy had enough and hit the cocky guy in the face three times before he hit the ground.

He knocked his front teeth out. As we were all leaving school and talking about it, the overall consensus was, “Well, that’s what happens when you talk that much”.

Seamlesslytango

20. Left With Nothing But Her Own Company

I once took a full flight home from Hawaii.

I go to my assigned window seat and notice a grumpy woman is sitting in it. I politely tell her she is in my seat. She looks at her boarding pass and, sure enough, she is supposed to be sitting in the aisle seat across from me.

She starts arguing that she MUST sit next to her husband and that she’s not moving.

I decide it’s not worth the hassle and take the seat she is supposed to be in.

I don’t even get a thank you or anything from her. Once we are in the air, the onboard entertainment of free movies and shows is available. And then the best thing imaginable happens.

I look over and see her yelling at a flight attendant that her TV is broken and doesn’t work.

The flight attendant apologizes and explains that the flight is full and there are no other seats to move her to.

She had the pleasure of enjoying a five-hour flight with zero entertainment.

funnelcakemishap

21. It’s Really Coming Down!

I was driving on a thruway during a storm with a huge amount of rain and sleet. The speed limit is typically 65, but the rain was so torrential that the visibility was no further than two cars ahead.

As such, everyone was driving about 25 due to the visibility and traffic congestion. For whatever reason, two cars pass me going probably 65 as if it was a sunny and cloudless day.

About 20 seconds after they pass, I see two cars facing the wrong way in the median, plus another two cars in a ditch on the outside of the road.

Unfortunately, there were two innocent drivers that were affected by the karma of these two dangerous drivers.

MarinkoAzure

22. Please, Take A Seat

I took a full flight home from Hawaii. I go to my assigned window seat and notice a grumpy woman sitting in it.

I politely tell her she is in my seat. She looks at her boarding pass and sure enough, she is supposed to be sitting in the aisle seat across. She starts arguing that she must sit next to her husband and that she is not going to move.

I decide it’s not worth the hassle and take the seat she is supposed to be in. I don’t even get a thank you or anything from her. Well, she got what was coming to her in the end. Once we are in the air, the onboard entertainment of free movies and shows becomes available.

I look over and see her yelling at a flight attendant that her TV is broken and doesn’t work.

The flight attendant apologizes and explains that the flight is full and there are no other seats to move her to.

She had the pleasure of enjoying a five-hour flight with zero entertainment.

funnelcakemishap

23. No, Me First!

I was walking up to an ATM and a dude in a Ferrari parked at a red curb and ran past me to use it before I could.

I was like, “Really, dude”? and he says, “Blow me”. I looked around in kind of dazed disbelief and saw an officer about 50 feet away. I waved to get his attention, and when he saw me, I just sort of held both hands out at the Ferrari and the red curb.

The traffic officer cruises over and starts writing a ticket. I waited for the dude to finish at the ATM and when he saw the officer writing the ticket, I told him that they didn’t even notice his parking job until I flagged him down and showed him.

jmsndrnkr

24. Shopping With Mom

I worked at a K-mart in high school. It was a small store, so I worked everything, electronics, stocking, and cashier. You name it, I did it. I asked a woman and her son, about 12 or 13, if they needed help finding anything as I was out on the floor, and the kid immediately yells at me for annoying him.

I ignore it and go about my business.

Right after that, I get called to checkouts. As I’m working there, here comes the pair. The kid has gone all out back in the electronics area, with some EA sports titles and a GTA game.

I’m checking them out when the age prompt comes up for the M-rated game. I decide to take a chance. I flip the game over and inform the mother that “This game has been rated M for the following reasons” and read the list off the back of the case.

There is an awkward silence, then she angrily informs me that the son said it was only a little violent. She was so mad that he wasn’t able to get anything that day.

AMathmagician

25. Up On The Curb

My dad was driving back from the shore when traffic got really bad.

About a mile ahead, there was an accident that had brought traffic to a crawl. This stuff happens, so my dad decides to be patient about it. Others weren’t so patient. People began driving on the shoulder in order to get ahead of the traffic, and this annoys my dad.

We all know how this goes. We do the right thing and are punished for it, whereas these people are skipping in front traffic and will probably get away with it. He thought about following this stream of cars onto the shoulder, but he decided he’d do the right thing and wait. As he got closer, he saw something absolutely unforgettable.

There were two traffic officers in a parking lot.

One was directing all of the shoulder drivers into the parking lot, while the other wrote all of them tickets. My dad describes it as one of the most satisfying things he’s ever seen.

DrDudeManJones

26. Pinching Pennies

As the lowest-ranking person at my job, I got to do all of the grunt labor and random tasks that required working on weekends and such.

Even though I was a master engineer working in a 9-5 job, I was being paid less than a pizza delivery driver. Then, my boss decided that I no longer got to comp time because I was salaried and “it was part of the job”.

So, when I quit to get my PhD, they realized that I hadn’t used any vacation time. The ultra-penny pincher had to write me a check for two extra months’ worth of pay as I walked out the door.

Pizzadude

27. Expensive Trash

I had an ongoing issue with people illegally dumping in my dumpster behind my business.

For those unaware, it’s far more expensive to have a dumpster at a commercial property than you might think. Mine’s shared with two other neighboring businesses and emptied three times a week, and we pay a whopping $400 a month for the service.

So when it’s suddenly full of garbage that’s clearly not from us it’s infuriating. I could never manage to catch the people who did it so I decided I’d install a camera.

But then the unexpected happened. I was on the roof of my building running the wiring when, what do you know, some person is dumping a carpet and yard waste in my dumpster.

I opted to not confront him right away.

I just call the non-emergency line and gave them a license plate number and description. The officer came by to verify the information with me, and as we were standing inside my shop talking, I notice the same guy just backed back up to my dumpster, again.

He must’ve missed the copper’s car in front of my building (or just didn’t care).

The officer made him empty ALL the garbage he dumped back into his truck, the dude had to climb in the dumpster and got absolutely covered in yard waste.

As soon as it was all piled back in his truck (including the cab, since this was his second trip) the officer handed him a $500 dumping ticket. The look on the guy’s face was priceless.

egoods

28. Spikes On The Road

I was driving into a construction zone where three lanes converged into one. Right at the point it became one lane, a car tried to pass me on my right. I slowed down so he wouldn’t hit me, but he ran over one of those metal lane dividers.

It got caught up in his back right wheel well and went around a few times. I could see and hear it make a mess of his fender.

Last I saw, he was pulling over to inspect the damage.

Scrappy_Larue

29. The Cost Of Karma

Back when I worked at a hardware store, this dude threw a fit because the system refused to refund one of the sixteen items he was returning. Dude proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs, shout at, threaten, and get in the face of, in order:

me, the other cashier, the store manager, and about three other customers. He’s told repeatedly to leave the store as he’s no longer welcome there. His response was crazy.

He refused to leave and, instead, stood in the entranceway, screaming and shouting at every customer that walks in.

He stood there pathetically, telling people not to shop there because the store is ripping him off. Well, maybe 10 minutes or so into this whole episode, the authorities show up. His face just falls SO fast and he gets really quiet and starts trying to meekly make excuses.

What’s even more amazing is that we TOLD HIM we were calling them and that they were on their way. He was banned from the store before we could finish processing his refund and he was out about two hundred bucks.

theinsanepotato

30. Zero Offers

I worked selling shoes for two years on a weekend-only basis during school at a national chain. During that whole time, I was never offered a raise, never offered to open the store, and never given any recognition.

When I asked for some more responsibilities, I was told I was unimportant, as two new outside managers were coming in.

One managed a section of PetSmart, and the other had no prior experience. I put in my two weeks’ notice. I could never have predicted just how much it would blow up in their faces.

Both people came in on my last day, so I showed them everything I learned and all the small quirks of the inventory that we had. Both quit within a week, and the store closed within four months.

VulturE

31. Get Your Facts Straight

I worked at a major state university as a contract HR Director. The head of student housing was this battle ax, loud, narcissistic, angry woman who bulldozed everyone and everything around her. She yelled at everyone and made demands that were unreasonable and unprofessional.

She would fire anyone she didn’t like and treated subordinates like her servants.

Since it is nearly impossible to fire directors and managers who work for the state, she got away with it. This went on for 20 years.

I didn’t know this when I was brought in to investigate all the complaints against her and her department. It turns out that if a person was straight, she would fire them. I figured out the pattern of her firing only straight people over 20 years.

In the end, I had to interview her and share my findings. She tried everything she could to lie her way out of it but it was documented and clear. She went to the Dean and held a meeting ranting about how a typical empowered straight white man would be against her hiring choices and discriminate against her valued employees!

She went on about how no one knew who I was and she had seen “this kind” of heterosexual men in power before. I let her rant for a while until she finally stopped. I knew exactly what I had to do.

I quietly stood up, walked to the Dean, and showed him on my phone pictures of my wedding to my husband. He started smiling and asked to share. I walk over and share it with her.

Her mouth hits the ground. Her tune changes quickly. The Dean tells her she can either retire immediately, or he will fire her on the spot. She retires.

TipToeThruLife

32. A Tangled Knot

In the UK, kids wear blazers and ties to school and a common bullying tactic that jerks used was to run up to kids, and pull their ties so they get really tight.

It’s called “knotting”. On the bus home, the bus was really full, and I was standing in front of one such jerk. He grabbed my tie JUST as the bus had to brake sharply.

He lost his footing and the only thing keeping him upright was the fact that he was holding my tie. He had grabbed the wrong bit, it wasn’t knotted, I simply untied it, he fell on his bum.

That was the last time I was knotted.
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33. Just Rewards

Before we were married, I was out to dinner with my wife and her dad. At the end of dinner, my father-in-law offered to pay for the meal.

My wife asked to get her leftovers boxed to take them home. Her father was being difficult and started in on her, saying, “Well, you’ll just leave them in the fridge, then they’ll just get thrown out, blah blah”.

I told him, “Listen, it’s not your fridge.

Leave her alone”. He got mad and yelled, “Don’t tell me how to raise my daughter”! I yelled back at him not to speak to her in his nasty tone. As a result, he threw the bill at me and said, “FINE!

YOU PAY THEN,” and stormed out. We were all mad at that point, and my wife said, “Why did you have to start something?”?

I paid the bill and was waiting for the receipt, but we were waiting for quite some time.

Tensions were rising. Her dad was waiting outside, building up steam. I asked the waiter, “Can I just get our bill and go”? They replied, “Oh no, sir, you have to wait for the manager”. That’s when I learned the beautiful, satisfying truth.

It turned out they had a contest running where every bill was a winner or some prize or another. Usually, people would win a free drink or appetizer. However, we had just won the GRAND PRIZE that dinner—which was a trip for four to Florida. And here’s the kicker:

Whoever pays gets the prize. Because her dad stormed out like a child, I had won it.

Permalink

34. Plugging In

At a job as a mechanic, I got a part that was completely correct except the electrical plug was a different shape.

I found out after I installed it. For the record, it did plug in, it just didn’t have long enough prongs to communicate. I had to order the right part again, take this one-off, and install the right one, all while only getting paid to put the correct one on.

My co-worker laughed and said “Bet you won’t make that mistake again. Pay attention next time”! The very next job, he put all four tires on backward (some tires are directional). I said the same thing to him.

I knew I would eventually use it against him, didn’t know it would be that soon.

GenerationSam

35. All Day, Every Day

At my last job, I had a new senior manager hired to run my division and our sister division.

After working with him for six months, I reached my breaking point. He would call after 5 PM to see if I were still there; he would email me at 1 AM asking for amendments to his morning meetings presentations regarding my division.

He would even ask my receptionist to take notes regarding the goings-on in my office. He was the worst boss I’ve ever worked for, but the job market was tight, and this paid the bills.

The final straw came when I returned from a week off. He approached me and asked why I was quitting. I told him I wasn’t and that he’d be the first to know if I did.

He called me a liar and walked away.

I sent him an email that afternoon resigning with three weeks’ notice. In my exit interview, I told the HR team everything, and I mean everything, about the stuff he pulled.

Four weeks later he was fired.

Basque17

36. The Muscle Car

I saw a guy in a gorgeous sports car, maybe a Ferrari, honking and yelling at a pedestrian in the crosswalk. The pedestrian had the right of way and was crossing during the signal.

Immediately after they passed, the guy guns it and darts around the corner, and rear-ends a patrol car that was in the middle of writing a ticket.

There was a truck parked on the street that was just enough to obstruct the Ferrari guy’s line of sight through the turn. It was glorious.

I didn’t even see it happen; I just heard the crunch right after he turned the corner.

Slowjams

37. Big Rig Rumble

It was raining out. I was coming onto a freeway with my big rig, signaling and smoothly switching lanes while keeping an eye on a car behind me that had been crowding me.

As soon as he hit the merge ramp, he gunned it in an attempt to pass me, cutting into the no-drive zone. The problem was that my cab was 60 feet ahead of him, as I had already begun to merge.

Half of my rig was occupying the lane he wanted. Once this guy realized he couldn’t pass me, he flipped out. He screeched so hard back into his lane that I felt the road tremble.

He began blaring his horn and flashing his lights. I was just cruising along, totally calm. I was watching the traffic in my driver-side mirror, and when I saw a break, I knew what was coming.

This guy jerked into the left lane, floored it, and got beside my cab, honking the whole way. He swerved at me and then cut me off. He jerked into place in front of me, jammed his brakes—and then it all unraveled. He completely lost control of his vehicle.

It was suddenly sideways at 45mph. I was nowhere near him, having already slowed down.

His car continued to spin until it was facing me, then it whipped back forward and headed straight into the ditch.

It plowed the earth like a farm tool in front of all of us there on the freeway. I stopped. The left lane stopped.  We just watched as this guy slowly got out of his car, which looked pretty damaged.

Other drivers got out to help, and some were on their phones. I just geared up out of there nice and calm. It was instant karma.

ohfail

38. The Llama Keeper

I used to be a zookeeper. This lady who was visiting was making fun of our llama for looking ugly.

The llama was a rescue who had corrective jaw surgery. The woman pointed and laughed at our llama. Right as that happened, the llama spat in her mouth. The whole scene was absolutely hilarious. After she left, I gave the llama a treat and told her that she was a good girl.

MyNameIsNotRyn

39. Home Sweet Home

I live in a college town. My roomies and I planned to throw a rager on my birthday. When we finished setting up, we started playing music and drinking. It was around 11 pm and there were maybe 20 people already in attendance.

The party was slowly gaining life…but then we heard knocks on the door and saw flashlights through the blinds. We immediately got chills up our spines.

I knew there were uniformed officers at the door, but I thought to myself that it was way too early for them to be busting us, so I went outside to talk to them just to make sure.

As I opened the door, there were two officers standing there…and my neighbor. Everyone inside immediately left as one of the officers is wrote me a ticket. The neighbor approached me, saying that we couldn’t be holding these types of parties because he has kids.

I was angry, but there was nothing I could do—the party was over, and I would have to go to court to contest the ticket. But the best part was yet to come. A couple of months later, my roommate ran into me with a worried look on his face.

He said, “You have to come outside right now”! I asked him what was going on, but he didn’t tell me.

I went outside and there were officers everywhere. They were in the alley hiding behind sheds and dumpsters.

I went to the front of the house and there was a huge black vehicle that looked like a tank. The street was closed off and I was pretty freaked out at this point because I didn’t know what was going on.

I soon found out, though.

Guys in full camo armor busted into my neighbor’s house and dragged him out. Apparently, they had a search warrant because he was selling substances right from his house…where he had his kids.

That’s karma.

Elbroyo

40. The Class Clown

One time in middle school, this guy who was relatively new at our school was making fun of a girl in our class who fell in the hallway in-between classes. Coincidentally, this was a girl I had a crush on.

He was a little bit of a class clown and was mocking her, making her look stupid and clumsy. Apparently, he misjudged his footing, and while attempting to jokingly ape the way she had fallen, he actually fell for real.

He landed squarely on his back in front of everybody—but that’s not the funniest part. He broke his arm in the process.

Passing him by in the hallway, I saw him just lying there, surrounded by adults, and staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t come back to school. Fairly sure he moved after that. I would have too.

CaptainCruiser

41. All T, No Lift

I was out skiing at a mountain with a T-bar tow lift. For those who don’t know what that is, it basically a big upside-down six-foot-tall upper case “t” which is pulled by a cable.

You hold on and it slides you up the mountain. The T shape allows for two people to hold on to either side of the crock of the T. People fall off of this all the time when they are not used to it.

One brave young boy, maybe 12-14 on a snowboard set out to handle the T-bar. He lost his footing about 30 seconds in but held on despite being dragged. This happens often but usually for only a few seconds as most have good enough sense to let go.

Not this kid. Instead, this boy was dragged up more than a thousand feet on his belly.

I was behind him as was another couple. We could not believe he was holding on. The T-bar stopped further up for someone else and he was too exhausted to stand up and fix his situation.

The couple behind him had been laughing so hard that when the T-bar abruptly started up again they fell off. Bottom line? He made it to the top and they didn’t.

chippynasty

42. One, Two, Three!

I was targeted for firing.

It had nothing to do with my performance, and everything to do with my manager’s manager who took a disliking to me. I walked the line of perfection for about a month until I found another job.

I handed in my two weeks’ notice. That was victory number one. Then, I stole about a half-dozen of their employees and got them hired into my new company.

That was victory number two. I’d like to think that victory number three was the 30 or 40 employees they lost in the following year, but I can’t claim direct responsibility for that. Thing is, when you have employees with high-demand skills like software engineering, you best treat them right.

magicmuds

43. Karma Loves Physical Comedy

I was at a festival once and there was one of those dudes who was just obnoxious. You know, shouting insults, screaming, throwing things at people, just an animal. He was slightly uphill from the main intersection, only maybe thirty feet from the crowd.

I was standing around waiting for a friend. The dude’s campsite was completely makeshift.

He had some poorly planned tarp thing held up by a nylon rope that was strung over a pickup truck and secured by slamming a car door shut on it.

Suddenly, the guy throws his drink at the crowd, crawls up on top of the car, and starts tight-roping it between the car and the truck. I was very impressed that he made it at least two steps.

 Then came the catastrophe.

Then the rope slipped.  The guy spread his legs, and he dropped three feet straight onto the suspended rope. I have never in my life seen a guy wreck his groin so hard.

He was in a fetal position, then he spun around the rope in slow motion until he was upside down. Then the rope scraped across the roof of the truck, and fell between the cab and the bed.

He had partially collapsed the tarp city and got dropped onto his head in the mud.

authoritrey

44. Demonstration Tension

I was trying to sell my apple-seed biodiesel processor. One guy came by who seemed genuinely interested. He said he would pay me $100 to give a demonstration of the entire process.

Apparently, he was some big shot with a garage and a fleet of heavy equipment. I demonstrated the first 90% of the process and explained the rest.

Days and weeks go by, and I haven’t seen my $100 or the guy.

I found out he had tried to make his own processor and failed epically. He ruined two awfully expensive dump trucks. They are still sitting behind his house.

Permalink

45. When You’re The Youngest

When I was growing up, I was the youngest of all the kids on my block.

The other kids, including my sister, would have fun tormenting me. They would try and exclude me from things they did on the basis of “you have to be a certain number of years old to do it”. The worst of them was Marcus, who would always be completely mean to me.

One day, Marcus and I, along with some of the other kids, went to a nearby school to ride around on our scooters. Marcus convinced me that to be “cool,” I had to jump down a flight of five stairs.

I succeeded but broke my scooter in the process. As the kids rode off, laughing at me for not being able to join them, Marcus’ front wheel caught in a crack in the concrete.

He flew over the handlebars straight into a flagpole.

I nearly fell over laughing. I broke my scooter; he broke his face.

Permalink

46. A Game Of Hide And Seek

My little sister’s friend was being really mean to me; following me around, mocking everything I said, making rude commentary on everything I did.

I told her she shouldn’t do things like that to someone older than her, because it could have dire consequences. I was just joking—but I ended up being totally right. They conned me into playing hide and seek with them and the rules were to stay in the house.

I searched high and low for that girl and couldn’t find her anywhere. My sister had no clue either and neither of us heard the doors open, so we didn’t think she could be out there.

Turns out the kid decided to disregard the rules and go outside. Well…she hid in the back of my mom’s truck. It has a camper shell that can be locked from the outside.

Someone saw it open and locked it while the kid was hiding inside, so she was stuck there alone for a while. I volunteered to unlock it and I took my sweet time, staring at her with this really wide grin.

It was great.

andianopolis

47. Taking The Joke A Little Too Far

One time in middle school, this guy who was relatively new at our school was making fun of a girl in our class who fell in the hallway in-between classes; coincidentally this was a girl I had a crush on.

He was a little bit of a class clown and was mocking her, trying to make it look like only babies and clumsy people fall over.

Apparently, he misjudged his footing, and while attempting to jokingly ape the way she had fallen, actually fell for real, and landed squarely on his back in front of everybody.

He broke his arm in the process. Passing him by in the hallway, I saw him just lying there, surrounded by adults and staring up at the ceiling, face completely expressionless.

He didn’t come back to school.

Pretty sure he moved after that. I would have too.

CaptainCruiser

48. Biting Them Back

I worked for a small lottery parlor chain for the better part of a year back around 2008. It was a single-employee operation, so I worked a 10-hour shift with no breaks or lunch.

All in all, it wasn’t a bad job, and had good tips. One day, out of the blue, the region manager calls me into the store and tells me that I’m suspended.

There was no warning whatsoever.

I asked her why, and she flat out tells me that I’m frightening away the patrons because of my sexuality. The next day, she calls me to say that I’m no longer needed.

I tried for a lawsuit, but it was a he-said-she-said kind of thing. Flash forward to last month. I get a call asking me if I want to take part in a class-action lawsuit against this company for discrimination and unfair wage compensation practices.

I told them my story and now I’m a class representative for the case. I’m so ready to give them what they deserve.

SiberianTora

49. Sketchy Shift Schedules

I worked at a coffee chain as my first job during high school.

I worked a ton and the customers loved me. The place was run by this awful general manager who let her two daughters work there—one being a normal employee who got treated like an angel and always got shifts she wanted and the other being an incompetent shift leader who got the same treatment.

Well one week, this girl looks at her schedule and then asks if she can trade two of her shifts with two of mine because she forgot about her Mom’s birthday.

I said sure, no problem, because I was just trying to be nice. So, the next week when I get my schedule, I am only working one shift, and I asked why. The general manager’s reply was brutal.

They told me “if you don’t like the shifts I give you, then you won’t get any”.

She did not care at all why I traded the shifts, so I immediately put my two weeks in and said I was over all of this. The last day I was supposed to work was a Saturday morning which is always packed, and if one person doesn’t show up or do their job well it makes the whole morning awful.

I forgot I had to work and was out super late. The next morning, I said screw it and just skipped work. They called and texted me several times begging to know where I was.

It felt good.

Robbie7up

50. Job Denied

I worked at a shoe store a while back. When I applied, I really wanted to be a sales associate, but the manager told me she only had room for a stock guy for the time being, and then she could transfer me to sales when she had an opening.

Being a stock guy in a shoe store in a mall sucked, you have to stack the shoes way high up on rolling racks in a complicated alphabetical numeric sequence based on style, color, and size.

When new shipments come in, you have to shift all the shoes on ALL the racks over, just enough so you have space for the new styles. It takes a ridiculous amount of planning, foresight, and even physical endurance to climb up ladders with big boxes of boots and stack them in order all day long.

Anyway, I inquired a few times as to how that sales position looked, since I had seen a few salespeople quit after I started work.

She kept saying “No, sorry, no room for a new sales guy yet”.

One particularly rough afternoon while I was working, she actually came back into the stock room to interview a new candidate for a sales position. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. So, I climbed down from the rolling racks, put the boxes away, and said “I thought you didn’t have room for a sales associate right now.

I quit, let this girl do stock”.

Onizuka23

51. Showing Off Hard

I was at a show jumping event and a little girl went up to a famous show jumper with her book of famous riders and asked him to sign it.

She couldn’t find him in the book and asked if he could help her. He responded, “find it yourself” and walked away. In his final round worth $100,000, on the first jump, the horse stopped and he fell face-first into the floor.

Not going to lie, I was laughing pretty hard.

potatosunday

52. The Rules Of The Road

I was driving home from dinner with my wife one night and we got off the freeway at our exit. At the bottom of the ramp is a two-lane stoplight, so you can go left or right, and just to the left is the freeway entrance.

This dude behind us had been tailgating for miles, and I grumbled when he did it all the way down the exit ramp and nearly rear-ended me as we stopped for the light.

Then he decided the light was taking too long, so he pulled into the right-hand turn lane next to us and made a U-turn to go around back towards the freeway entrance, while the light was still red.

My jaw dropped. Turns out, I didn’t have to wait long for sweet, sweet justice. JUST as he completed his U-turn, the car that had been behind him pulled around in a similar fashion…with red and blue lights flaring up to illuminate the intersection.

And to top it all off, the officer lit up his speaker with, “THAT WAS REALLY STUPID. PULLOVER NOW”. The idiot was just pulling into the shoulder as we merrily turned left on the green light and headed for home.

castillar

53. Instant Karma!

I was walking to the store with a friend when we were 13. We heard someone yelling at us and turned around to see some kid about 50 feet away. He was yelling, calling us names, and every other homophobic insult you know at that age.

As we started to walk over to confront him, he did a 180 and started running while turning. What happened next was so hilarious, it’s unforgettable.

He spun around and ran face-first into a tree and hit it hard enough that he fell to the ground from the impact.

We couldn’t stop laughing and hopefully, that was enough embarrassment for him to learn a lesson.

Sk8erguysk8er

54. It Was Smoothie Sailing

I suffered from insomnia. One morning, when I couldn’t sleep, I went to the convenience store at about 6:30 AM.

On the way out, I saw a homeless guy who I had seen around the city for years.  As usual, he was begging for change. I didn’t mind helping this guy out because he wouldn’t spend the money on anything bad; he legitimately needed food.

So, I went back in and bought him a couple of hamburgers and gave them to him.

I proceeded to the smoothie shop, which opened at 7 am. I parked my car and opened the door. When I looked down, I saw a fresh $20 bill on the white line of the parking spot.

Then, when I came back out of the smoothie shop, as I approached my car, I found yet ANOTHER $20 in the exact location. I checked my pocket, and the first one was still in there.

mappberg

55. Trashing The Joint

When my dad was in college, he lived in a dormitory that had around 15 floors. There was this dude, we’ll call him Chester, who lived in the center apartment on the 14th floor, facing the north side.

This meant that Chester’s window was located directly above the entrance to the dormitory. Important detail: Chester was a jerk.

Chester would come home from school and wind down by throwing water balloons at the people walking into the building.

They weren’t even people he particularly hated or anything. Chester just did this to everyone for fun. One day, he hit my dad. That was a big mistake. My dad and his friend retaliated by bringing a garbage can up 15 flights of stairs to fill with water in the bathroom.

They then headed up to his friend’s dorm, which happened to be the center room on the 15th floor, right above Chester’s. When a couple of girls walked up the steps to the door, Chester leaned out of his window, about to throw the balloons.

That’s when my dad promptly hit him with an entire garbage can of water.

tropiusking

56. Flicking The Whip

When I was about 16, and my brother was 12, we lived on a ranch. We had horses, cats, dogs, and chickens.

Because of the horses, we had this thing called a lunge whip. It’s basically a long, flexible pole with a length of rope at the end. My brother and I were waiting for the horses to finish eating.

Lil bro was dragging around the lunge whip, at first, to play with the cats.

But then, my brother starts snapping the whip near the cats, mostly to irritate me. I say: “Hey! Don’t do that!

Mom already said that you weren’t supposed to, and if you accidentally hit one of them, I’ll beat you up”! Lil bro looks me in the eyes and says, “I do what I want”.

He flicks the whip once more, and it snaps back and hits him right between the legs.

permalink

57. We Curried A Favor With Karma

One night, my sister, my now-ex, my friend, and I decided to go for some curry. Since it was late, we called up the curry house to make sure they were ok with us coming down.

The owner answered and said it would be no problem. As soon as we got there, we were greeted by the owner and were seated. However, it quickly became pretty obvious that the guy serving us didn’t want to be there.

We brushed it off.

It went from bad to worse. He then started throwing our plates down and was being obnoxious, so we had a quiet word with the owner. Well, he proceeded to be even ruder, but we couldn’t do much. We left the restaurant and shrugged the whole thing off.

As we were driving back home, though, I saw the server driving behind me, right on my tail.

He must have seen me get into my car and decided to follow me. He pulled up beside me when I was stopped at some traffic lights.

He was swearing and showing me a rather impressive display of hand gestures. We ignored it, but I admit he was starting to aggravate me. The lights changed green, and he sped off like a lunatic, trying to run me off the road and swerving all over.

Sadly, he failed to notice the cruiser that had pulled up behind me at the lights, so on went the lights and the sirens. They pulled him over and booked him right then and there.

We glided off into the distance, barely able to contain the euphoria from the instant karma. I never saw him at the curry house again. I assume he got fired!

SeriouslyDave

58. Interrupting Jerk Who?

I was playing volleyball with a group of my friends a few years back.

One of the guys who is just an acquaintance of mine was known for being unreasonably angry. Throughout the whole game, he’s being a total jerk to everyone, yelling and screaming, citing the rules, and saying everyone is breaking them. Eventually, we all had enough so we just unanimously kept egging him on and acting dumb on purpose to fluster him.

At one point, he gets so mad that he got on both his knees and started screaming. While he does this, a lone pigeon swoops by and takes a dump on his face. The rest of us laughed about it for weeks.

Kaiden103

59. Stuck In The Intersection

A couple years ago, a friend and I were going to a concert and the traffic was beyond snarled. There was only one entrance into the location, and it was mucking up the traffic as you had to turn across a busy intersection.

My friend thought that she could make it across, but someone coming from the other direction cut her off and made it so she was stopped in the intersection.

Cue some amazing jerk going from the light and screaming up to about an inch from the passenger side door.

I really thought that he was going to hit us. He was screaming and flashing the finger and looked like he was going to get out of his car. My friend is freaking out and trying to inch her way into the stadium parking lot.

But he was about to get what was coming to him.

Luckily, an officer had just wheeled up in time to see the jerk pull his stunt. He flashed his lights and angrily got out of his car and started yelling at the guy.

As we finally got out of the intersection, he was writing him a ticket that included something to the effect of reckless driving. It made the night for us.

CowTownRebel

60. Wait, Don’t Go!

I put in excellent work at a software company for over a year and a half with no raises.

I asked for a raise and got put on the ropes under an improvement plan. I passed the improvement plan easily. But then three months later, I found a new job that offered me a 25% raise on what I was currently making.

Naturally, I handed in my two weeks’ notice to my current boss.

He counter-offered me a 25% raise plus a chance to work on any team I wanted within the company. I still turned that down.

HR stopped me from working once they found out, since I was leaving for a competing company, but I still got paid for the two weeks. Essentially, it was a forced paid vacation. He was not happy about that considering I was somewhat in the middle of coding up a multimillion-dollar deal.

In the end, it was incredibly satisfying to have a boss that refused my raise request suddenly backpedal and try to keep me there with a bigger raise and extra incentives.

Permalink

61. At The Last Second

My fiancée and I were employees at Pizza Hut. She was a waitress, and I was a cook.

I had worked for them for five years and she had worked for them for two. Anyway, we were probably the best employees they had and knew what we were doing. Nevertheless, in the food business, managers come and go, some better than others.

So, we were both scheduled for a ridiculous shift of about ten and a half hours in that place, from open to eight that night, we would have been the only two employees there in our respected positions until five.

Keep in mind this was a Sunday morning in the bible belt and a buffet day. Both she and I had a whole ton of work to do.

On top of that, they had steamed the carpets the night before and never set the tables and chairs back up in the lobby.

We both only had a couple of hours to do our opening stuff which every minute counts. It wouldn’t have been that horrible—until our manager came in. So, what happens is that our manager gets breakfast, sits in a booth, and watches my fiancée and me put the lobby together, even though we were running so short on time.

My fiancée comes to me in tears saying she just wants to leave cause this day was completely messed up. We wait, the buffet is coming out of the oven, and at least a dozen people are walking in.

We both just say screw it and leave, leaving him by himself to manage that stuff like he should. Do I feel bad? No, that was swift justice.

Permalink

62. Unseated And Overthrown

I was in charge of a project that involved an outside vendor.

The vendor sent in his own people to assist with the project, and one of the people they sent in was terrible at his job. He essentially had to do nothing, just sit in a room and monitor activity, but he was never in the room.

So, I called the vendor and asked them not to send that guy in anymore.

They were fine with my request and never sent in that guy again. But then he was hired by MY company as my boss.

He then went on a witch hunt, trying every dirty trick in the book to get me fired. Even though he was my direct boss, he couldn’t do it directly because I was there longer and was well respected by the other managers who knew how valuable I was.

It took him a little longer, but eventually, he managed to build such a case of lies against me that he could get me fired. I went on to get an even more awesome job, and he was fired shortly after when they realized what a backstabber he was.

Last I heard, he’s still unemployed.

FluffyPurpleThing

63. Karma Shut Me Down

I used to work as tech support for a college campus. There were classrooms with motion sensors connected to the lights. So if there was no one in the room, the lights would shut down.

A professor came into our office and told us the classroom didn’t have working lights. I instantly knew what had happened. The light switch was on, but the motion sensor turned them off.

When she flipped the switch, she turned the lights off instead of on.

I bought a soda on the way to the classroom and hit the lights. They turned on. I went to the room where she was temporarily teaching her class and told her, “The lights are on in the room”.

She asked me how I turned them on, to which I smugly replied, “I just flipped the switch”.

Her entire class started laughing. I paid for my rudeness instantly. Feeling full of myself, I turned around and opened the soda I got from the vending machine.

It burst and sprayed my face and shirt with Dr. Pepper.

mattigus

64. Close To The Curb

I was walking home from work one day. On my way, I have to cross a busy intersection. I was crossing on a green light, and someone pulled up to the corner intending to turn right.

Without looking, she turned right in front of me. I was close enough that she nearly ran over my toes. The second after she turned, she saw me and flipped me off.

There was an officer a couple of cars behind her that saw the whole incident.

He pulled her over and checked if I was okay before sending me on my way.

naturemom

65. To The Left

Ahh, instant karma is delicious. I had to use a four-lane road to commute to and from work.

There was an intersection where I would always get the red light. During rush hour, I’d have to wait through a few cycles before I could get through the intersection, mainly because the left lane didn’t get a green arrow to turn and it would cause a backup.

One day, I was waiting for my turn to get through this intersection. It was a nice day, so I had the window open. Two guys pulled up in the next lane. There was a lot of traffic that day, so for three light cycles, these guys starting talking major trash to me.

Just really awful things. Ignoring them did not dissuade them, so I eventually talked a little trash back.

Finally, it was my turn to go through the intersection. Traffic started to unwind, and I began to take off.

The guys in the next lane also took off, keeping up with me so they could scream even more crazy stuff at me. The problem was, the car in front of their lane was taking a left and their lane was not moving.

I took off right as they rear-ended the brand new Jaguar in front of them.

The best part was the super loud Nelson Muntz “HAHA” I let out at them when they hit that car.

It still makes me laugh every time I think about it.

claudial12

66. Watching The Traffic

My neighbor followed me down my driveway to yell at me for not coming to a “complete stop” at the stop sign. I apologized politely, even though I knew he was being petty as we live on a dead-end quiet street.

He then proceeded to yell & curse at me as he backed out of my driveway. But karma was on my side that day. He backed into my tree, dented the whole side of his car, and ripped his mirror off.

He then proceeded to fly off down the road and didn’t brake for the stop sign.

btbarrier

67. Discontinuations

I went with my girlfriend to the store so she could buy the same pair of boots for the third time.

She had owned this style of boot for well over ten years. Unfortunately, they stopped making that particular type, and she was beside herself. I was very supportive and comforting, but I also happened to see a pair of boots in the sale bin that happened to fit, so I bought them.

She was happy for me because I didn’t own a pair of boots, but I felt that I was sort of rubbing salt in her wound—we had gone in to get her something she loved, and we left with her feeling crushed and me getting an unexpected, sweet deal. A month later I went to a different store to buy the same pair of sneakers I had been buying over and over again—but the line had just been discontinued. And, in that store, something caught her eye.

Payback!

admiralfilgbo

68. Passing The Bill

I was out for dinner with my then-fiancée and her dad, my father-in-law. He’s a bit of a jerk to her. He got divorced and re-married, loves those kids more than my wife, and gives her a tough time about way too many things.

We’re at the end of dinner, and my father-in-law offers to pay for the meal. Okay, that’s nice. My wife asks to get her leftovers boxed and she’ll take them home.

He starts with “Well, you’ll just leave them in the fridge, then they’ll just get thrown out, blah blah”.

Since she and I live together, I tell him “Listen, it’s not your fridge, leave her alone”. He gets all mad and says, “Don’t tell me how to raise my daughter”! I reply, “Then don’t speak to my fiancée that way”! He literally throws the bill and folder at me and says “FINE!

YOU PAY THEN”! and storms out.

Now everyone is super mad and my fiancée is asking why I had to start something. So, I pay the bill and I’m just waiting for the receipt.

We wait a whole 10 minutes here for the receipt. Tensions are rising, her dad is waiting outside, just building up steam and ready to freak out once we get out there. I ask the waiter, “Can I just get our bill and go”?

He says, “Oh no sir, you have to wait for the manager”. I was confused—and then I got the surprise of a lifetime.

It turns out they have a contest running where “every bill is a winner”.

Normally you’ll win a free drink or appetizer with your next meal. Well, we won the GRAND PRIZE, a trip for four to Florida. Whoever pays gets the prize. Well, guess what? My father-in-law stormed out and got me to pay, so I got it!

permalink

69. Above His Own Rules

I was in a class learning French, it was very early in the curriculum and our first test had a question that needed you to translate the word “singe” (monkey). A lot of us never learned this word at this point.

I triple-checked all of our previous lesson material which even had a lesson on animal names and monkey was not among them.

Turns out, those who did know it only knew because they had watched an Eddie Izzard stand-up routine about learning French.

So we brought this up and the teacher eventually gave us a point back if we missed it, but a smug student who grew up in Quebec said something to the effect of, “Even though it wasn’t in the lessons, you can’t just expect to be spoon-fed all of your vocabulary”.

He continued, “Knowing words outside of the lesson is part of ‘global knowledge’ and it’s required for succeeding in this class”. For the record, I agree with that philosophy—to become fluent you have to branch out and go outside the curriculum for more words. But this is the first month of class where you can’t expect students to know that much outside of the lesson plan.

Fast forward to getting the grades for a later test and I catch him being a huge drama queen because he missed a point for not knowing the word “dehors” (outside) and sure enough he was arguing that he was never taught that word in class.

Phill_Drill

70. Waterpark Scares

I was a lifeguard at a well-known chain of indoor waterpark hotels in the US and a woman was letting her less than two-year-old daughter play in the shallow end all by herself while she sat in a chair and read a magazine.

I walked up to her to let her know that it was not safe for a child that young to be by herself, and the mom start yelling at me, telling me that it was not my business how she parented and to leave her alone.

At this point, everyone around her is staring. As soon as she finishes her rant, her daughter loses her balance and falls face-first into the water and is too young to know how to stand back up to get her face out of the water and breathe.

I run in, grab her daughter, and bring it back to her. Everyone around who was staring began to clap.

Phoenix25

71. The Universe Took Them For A Ride

When I was about 20, I was standing at a bus stop waiting for the bus.

The street I was on had a little bit of construction going on, and there were some orange barricades set up down the middle of the road. They were made of metal and had a yellow flashing light on top.

As I was standing there, I saw a Porsche convertible coming down the street with three guys about my age inside.

As they got closer, I could see them looking at me and talking to each other.

The car began to slow down. I knew at this point I was in trouble. I knew that they were going to do something stupid. Sure enough, as they passed, they all turned in my direction and, on cue, yelled something rude at me as they passed.

Unfortunately for the driver, karma was quick.

As he turned his head to yell at me, he swerved his car to the left, hitting several of the metal pylons and tearing up the driver’s side of what I could only assume was his father’s car. Correction:

His father’s very, very nice car. Needless to say, the idiot sped off from me in a great hurry. I spent the rest of my day in a surprisingly great mood!

weshallrise

72. Caught In The Act

Well, I have a younger sister, about to turn eight.

She always wants me to play hide n’ seek or some game with her and whenever I decline, she cooks up some awful plan that gets me in trouble. She got into the habit of making a loud noise and then crying and yelling saying I hit her.

Well, I’d finally had enough. I turned my webcam on and started recording one day and she came in, faked getting hit, and then yelled for my mom.

You all should have seen the look on her face when I replayed the dirty lie she made over and over.

The look on her face was priceless.

SnarfOn

73. Jim Wasn’t So Dandy

When I was 18, a group of friends and I spent a long weekend at my buddy’s place in the Adirondacks. We split our time between his grandparents’ house, which was up on a hill, where we had our meals and where we showered, and a cabin right on the lake where we did our drinking.

There were eight of us in all, but Tom and Jim were the most memorable.

Tom was relatively new to our circle of friends, somewhat awkward, but generally a nice guy. Jim was the opposite.

He was immature, hotheaded, self-conscious, and selfish. The only reason he was there was that he had been friends with my buddy since birth. Jim was constantly belittling Tom to assert his dominance in an otherwise non-existent hierarchy.

One Saturday, after lunch, someone suggested beer pong in the cabin. We were all in. Impatient as always, Jim went railing down the hill to the cabin ahead of us, screaming, “I GOT FIRST GAME! I GOT FIRST GAME”! The rest of us followed casually behind.

When he reached the bottom of the hill, he took a bounding step onto the front bumper of Tom’s green little Ford.

We suddenly heard an extremely unsettling crunch. He had driven his foot through the car’s windshield. Then, his forward momentum propelled him to take a fourth and final step, ripping his leg back out through the windshield.

He collapsed onto the roof, screaming in pain. The image of leg hair trapped in the spider web of shattered glass and the gash on Jim’s leg will forever be instant karma for me.

Stolen_Elephants

74. Mysterious Inner Workings

When I was 18, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma and had to undergo chemo and a few surgeries.

That Christmas, there was a fellow in our town who put a Salvation Army jar in front of stores in his front yard. Every year he raises money this way and donates it to kids with cancer.

A kid from our town decides it’s a sweet idea to steal it and ends up getting caught soon after.

The very next year, he got diagnosed with cancer and had to do chemo and radiation.

He even ended up on the Steve Wilkos show, apparently with his mommy crying about how his sister pilfered money from them when in need. I don’t wish that nasty disease on anyone, but if there was one person who kinda asked for it, it was this kid.

JayDoppler

75. Saved By The Soup

I was once at a friend’s house. His mom was dating this jerk at the time and he had major anger issues. I was infamous for cooking at the house and making a big mess…but since I was 11 and his mom was rarely home, it was a regular thing I did.

In this one instance, my friend was upstairs in the bathroom while I was making soup. Just as his mom’s boyfriend walked in, I picked up the soup tureen, and the handle cracked right off.

The tureen fell with a clang and a buttload of split soup flooded the kitchen. That’s when it turned completely bizarre. The boyfriend lowered his head and starts charging at me like a bull.

I was terrified. This was the only time an adult had ever tried to attack me. He took about one and a half running steps towards me before I heard: “SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAEEEEEEEEEK”!

Down went goes, butt-first, right into the huge puddle of soup.

He slid a couple more feet until his head hit the side of some floor-level cabinets. I kind of leaped over him and jetted up to my friend’s room, locking the door.

minotaurbranch

76. Slipping On Ice

I worked at this Thai food place.

Our back door led to the driveway of a house with gross redneck owners, whose four dogs pooped everywhere. We entered through the back door of the restaurant at the opening, and it sucked in the winter because you’d have to make your way down this sheet of ice.

Anyway, my boss was an awful and mean jerk.

One evening, we arrived at the same time. He went down the ice hill before me and slipped, whacked his head hard, and came to a stop in a fresh pile of dog droppings.

I did not even try to hide my laughter. Then I made my way down the ice hill. I also fell, pretty hard in fact, but didn’t land in anything gross like he did. But it was totally worth it.

Permalink

77. Timing Is Everything

I’ve worked at the same company for over six years. I was a good, loyal employee with a perfect track record. Over the six years, I’d only called in sick twice. I had the best results, as well as the least amount of errors on paperwork in the whole region.

Well, my new boss decided that that wasn’t enough.

He minimized my hours, expanded my workload, and never had anything nice to say. He seemed to think ruling with an iron fist is the way to go about his job.

Even after all this, I kept my head above water, fixing his errors along the way. Then, one day, I decided I had enough and resigned from my position with immediate effect. Turns out, that was actually the best revenge.

My departure ended up throwing a wrench in his operations, and I timed it exactly so that it will ruin his vacation plans for next week. On top of that, there was no one to fill my position.

As soon as I mouthed the words, “I quit,” you could see the terror in his eyes. He realized how screwed he was without me and he tried to do whatever he could to keep me for at least another week.

I’ve never felt such a sense of instant karma as today.

barrygibb

78. Words Of Wisdom

My old manager was a monster. He belittled people, made the work environment hostile, and denied anything that would make his workers happy while giving himself every comfort.

He even denied me my request to take a half-day so I could go to my mother’s funeral. He said, “Would it be a big deal if you couldn’t go”? It was horrible, but eventually, he got what was coming to him.

One day, he wrote up a fictitious counseling statement about one of my co-workers and the entire office revolted. The manager wasn’t fired as we wanted, but he was “relieved” from his duties. A new manager came shortly after to fill in his position—he was very well regarded, a former 20-year Air Force veteran, and an overall humble guy who actually knew how to handle people.

We had our first awkward team meeting, with the old manager bitterly in attendance.

As the new manager was giving his introductory speech, he saw the old manager glaring around the table, still trying to intimidate people. He stops talking, paused for a few seconds, then said, “You know, when I was in the Air Force, I learned that if you take care of your people, they’ll take care of you”.

He then stared directly at the old manager and said, “And if you don’t take care of your people, they’ll take care of you”.

BurtGummer938

79. Absolutely Useless!

I met this guy at the bus stop.

He asked for my major, but the minute he learned I was majoring in visual arts, he started berating me saying it was a useless major and was going to end up homeless. I just ignored him and got on the bus.

After a while, it becomes clear that there is a talent scout on the bus as a man is talking loudly on the phone about recent contracts.

The guy I met at the bus stop started pulling out a CD player and insisted that the talent scout listen to his Elton John impression.

the talent scout guy was impressed and a bit incredulous. That’s when I made a hilarious realization. It turns out the guy had mixed up his CDs and had him listen to an actual Elton John album.

I never saw someone slouch back in their seat with such shame and embarrassment. It made my day.

permalink

80. Bowling For Dollars

I worked as a bartender at a bowling alley. For some reason, one of the other bartenders hated me.

She was constantly poaching customers from me and never split our tips fairly. She even tried to get the scheduling manager to put her on the days I would be working, just to be a jerk.

One of my regulars also said she caught her pocketing tips and not putting them in our communal bucket while I was working with her.

And then tournament season started. People either dreaded it or looked forward to it.

It sucked because shifts were twice or three times as long as normal and there was a constant rush of people at the bar, but that also meant we’d make as much in a day as we did in a week.

Well, during the first tournament, she “claimed” a bunch of teams since they were bowling on her side.

Apparently, she knew them well and was looking forward to their tournament tips. She came in, saw that I was scheduled to bartend that day, and she flipped right out.

She started ranting to the manager—but she had made a fatal mistake.  The owner of the place happened to be standing right there. The owner pretty much said I was one of the better bartenders, so I was getting put on the tournaments, and if she didn’t like it she could just leave.

So she did…and then I got to work her normal shifts as well.

Diredoe

81. Proving My Point

This was when I was in high school. One really arrogant girl was going to prove the Bible was fiction to our class.

She comes in with a bible, says she is going to prove to everyone that it’s not real, and slams it down on her desk. She sits. I kid you not, the desk immediately collapses underneath her, and she falls to the ground.

God might not be real, but karma certainly is.

DivaJanelle

82. The Destroyer Of Jerks

This is one of my favorite stories to tell. I went to a small school of about 80 students, and in my class, there were only 12 people.

Although our numbers were small, we still had jerks who made everyone’s lives miserable. In our case, that jerk was Christopher. Christopher was one of those kids who felt like he could do whatever he wanted to anyone else.

He also thought he would be absolved of all blame if he finished his routine with, “It’s just a joke”. Basically, he was a grade-A jerk. There was also a mentally challenged kid in our class.

Let’s call him Todd. Now, Todd was a curious guy and he was fond of asking questions. It was just his own way of obtaining information. I know this might sound bad, but we were often annoyed with him.

Nevertheless, we still all looked after him and made sure nobody gave him trouble. He was one of us, and that lent him some protection. The karmic incident took place once when we were the seniors.

We basically ruled the school, and naturally, this power would go to our heads.

It corrupted nobody quite as much as it did Christopher. We were playing baseball one day, practicing for an upcoming competition.

We split up into two teams and made plays with each other. I was kind of mad because Todd was on my team, as he wasn’t the most athletically gifted. Picture Kermit The Frog trying to run the 110-meter hurdles.

We were losing, due in no small part to the other team’s superior members. I had lost interest, and only gave lackluster hits when it was my turn. Then it was Todd’s turn.

I watched him bat, just to see how it would go. Christopher was pitching the ball and he wasn’t even giving Todd a chance. He’d throw the ball at his feet, then burst out laughing with his team.

Babe Ruth couldn’t have done a darn thing with those kinds of throws. It went on for three whole minutes. Eventually, his own team got sick of him and told him to give a decent throw so Todd could strikeout and the game could progress.

When he threw it, and Todd braced himself. We’re all watching by now.

As the ball drew closer, the most incredible thing happened. WHACK. Todd didn’t just hit the ball with the bat, he annihilated it.

The bang was heard all over the school. So what does a ball do when it’s met with a force like that? I don’t know for sure, but in this case, it went back towards Christopher at Mach speed.

I didn’t even see the ball on its way back. It was like a bullet from a pistol. When it got to Christopher, it hit him squarely in the eye. He fell down and got knocked out cold.

One of his friends helped him inside, while the rest of us cheered and laughed. We lifted Todd on our shoulders and gave him a hero’s cheer. He was no longer just Todd. He was Todd, the destroyer of jerks.

dannymation

83. The Wrath Of Karma

This story is as instant as instant karma can get. I go to New York City about once a year to visit family. While there, I always crave the “Grandma’s Sicilian” pizza, and the best slice in the city is served near my cousin’s place.

Well, it’s NYC, so naturally the joint is crowded as heck with a bunch of different people.

Across from the register, you can buy drinks, and payment is made via an honor system. The cashier can see you take a drink, but 90% of the time, they are occupied with a customer.

I’ve never really stolen before, but my cousin just nonchalantly took a drink and nobody said a word!

I do love me some Peach Snapple, so I got greedy and took two of them.

I paid for the food and we were on our way out. At that point, the adrenaline was pumping through my veins. Did I mention my craving for the pizza was so large that I got an entire pizza instead of just one or two slices?

Yep, an entire pie for myself. I felt on top of the world—until I walked back to the train station. That’s when karma hit me.

I tripped on the curb and fell, landing on the pizza and covering my clothes in the sauce.

Both of the Snapple bottles shattered, and the glass lodges itself into my knuckles, palms, and legs. The brand new $60 jeans I purchased the day before at Express got ripped by the glass. Despite cleaning the wounds properly, my hand still became infected that night.

Suffice to say I haven’t stolen anything since.

alexisaacs

84. Boo!

This was around middle school or high school. I don’t remember, but this kid was at a haunted house with his parents. They ended up at this room which was done up like a cell with a disgusting creature-man thing in it.

The kid, chest puffed out and all, says “Hey, whatcha in for”? obviously showing off. Creature-man quips back immediately, “You’ll find out”, and the kid laughs and continues through the room.

As soon as the kid’s back is to him, creature-man spreads the bars of the cell apart, takes a chain, and slams it right next to the kid, who, to everyone’s pleasure, runs down the hall screaming. Everyone shares a laugh, continues on, and we see the kid with his head out the window telling his parents:

“Hold on one minute, I need some fresh air”.

Gpd9eq

85. Being Principled

I worked as a database administrator for a community center for one summer in university. Basically, I created a database for them to track who was donating to them and how much they were donating, and who was volunteering at the center, and for how many hours.

It was quite simple to work and despite being the youngest person on staff by about 25-30 years, I got along well with all of my co-workers—except for my immediate boss.

The next spring, I was applying for jobs and e-mailed my old boss to ask for a letter of recommendation.

Her reply was infuriating. Much to my surprise, she told me that she didn’t write recommendation letters “out of principle”. I was pretty mad about it because I was finding it difficult to find a position, and not being able to count on my most recent employer for a reference was a definite blemish on my resume.

However, in spite of this, I managed to land a decent job. Lo and behold, my old boss e-mails me on day one of my new job, begging me to come in because she had somehow ignored all the warnings in the user documentation I wrote and moved some files around rendering it impossible for her to access the database.

I began to realize it was my chance for payback.

She asked if I would come in and I e-mailed her back and told her I already had a job and couldn’t do it “out of principle”.

ItsOppositeDayHere

86. Taking The Fall

I worked at a grocery store once, and I was stocking instant noodles on a big sale display. All I had was a cheap small step stool, you know the one with the bar that runs across the top step?

Reaching down to the stool from the shelf I was standing on was about three feet. There was like a 60 percent chance my foot would land on the top bar and collapse the thing.

I asked a co-worker to use his shoulder as a handle as I got down.

My supervisor called me a “princess” for getting assistance. Soon after, he was stocking the two-liter Coke bottles on a sales display. He tried to get down. He took the 40% success rate jump onto the step.

Big mistake. He hit the top bar, the step ladder collapsed, he broke his arm, and took down half of the display.

I just clocked out and left before they told me to clean up the spilled soda all over the place.

ChileConCaveman

87. A Case Of Road Rage!

My stepdad is a driving instructor, and I went to get my license pretty late. one day he was giving me a lesson and we were going over one of the possible courses that the test takes.

While we’re driving down a street in the suburbs a guy is tailgating me like crazy. He was a real tough-looking guy and had a sideways hat and all.

Every time I come to a stop sign, I do a full stop, obviously, and he throws his hands in the air and yells.

It’s starting to stress me out, but my stepdad had a plan the whole time. He says to me, “Don’t worry about it, just watch”. As we’re going down the street, he says “OK, now in about 50 feet, I want you to start slowing down a little bit and right when you are in front of that school zone, pull over to the right”.

So, I do it, right after I pull over, the guy who is really annoyed at me now, takes off like a shot. Only about five seconds later, an officer steps out from behind a tree and waves him over for going probably double the speed limit in a school zone.

We laughed. Hard.

ZombiGrinder

88. The Customer Is Always Right, Especially This Lady

I was out to eat, and this younger lady was acting like a total witch in the restaurant to the staff. Everyone was obviously getting really embarrassed by her behavior…until this middle-aged lady piped up and said from her table, “Oh honey, you’re not pretty enough to act like that”. I seriously could have burst out into applause.

eDreadz

89. It Didn’t Add Up

I interned in a class with this kid who always thought he was smarter than everyone else. He was pretty smart, but not by too much. Yet he always got paired with kids who weren’t as smart as him, so he would always be super smug when dealing with them. During one parent-teacher conference, we found out exactly where he got it from.

His parents thought he was the smartest kid in the school. They built him up as that and they got him thinking it, too. In this meeting, they even went off on the teacher, saying she “was bringing him down” and that she “was terrible”. The conference ended when the teacher left the room crying.

But it didn’t take long for sweet revenge.

About a week later, there was an event where parents came to watch their children do math games with other students. Well, the teacher paired this smug little kid with the actual smartest kid in class. The kid got destroyed in the math games.

His parents were so flustered, they left before it was all done and took him out of school for the rest of the day.

The14thNoah

90. Karma Decked Him Good

My buddy and I were having a drink on a large wooden patio at an ocean-side bar/restaurant.

A middle-aged couple was sitting next to us. Our tables were next to each other, and they were relatively close to us. As my buddy and I were just taking in the view, he caught eyes with the dude and said something innocuous like, “Good evening”.

The guy retorted, “Mind your own business and keep your eyes to yourself”. My buddy and I looked at each other with a “Did that just happen”? expression. My buddy looked back over at him and said something like, “Relax, buddy, sorry to bother you”.

At that point, we were a little put-off.  We got back to our drinks and enjoyed the sunset.

Two minutes later, the guy pulled out a ring for his partner. It was a large diamond.

She was excited, and he had a sufficiently smug, self-satisfied look on his face. She went to hand it back to him. Then disaster struck. When he grabbed it, he fumbled. It fell to the deck, rolled an inch or two, and then promptly disappeared, falling between two slats of the deck.

I felt bad for the woman. The guy’s face went white and then immediately red. He was barely able to maintain his composure. It looked like he wanted to strike his lady friend. The dude looked over at us, and now we were looking straight at him.

We just smiled casually. He called a waiter over and started discretely explaining what had happened.

He wanted someone to pull up the deck slats. However, that was NOT going to happen. The waiter was cool as ice.

Despite the guy raging at this point, the waiter flatly told him something to the effect of, “Look, man, you can come back tomorrow and talk to the manager, or pay your bill and leave now”. The guy sat down.

His lady friend was visibly shaken.

While enjoying our drinks and the sunset, my friend and I remarked about how karma, while certainly inspiring, is almost magical when it’s instant.

rainemaker

91. Don’t Stop Believing

My dad is out of state on business driving through some no-name town when he goes through an intersection.

Suddenly, a cop pulls him over and tickets him—stating that he ran a stop sign. My dad insisted that there was not any stop sign, but the cop did not listen. Angry, he went back to the intersection and saw that there was indeed a stop sign hidden behind a tree.

More that that, it was twisted in the wrong direction! Even more angry, he went into a convenience store and bought a disposable camera. The clerk laughed because he saw what happened and knew what was up.

Luckily, my dad had to be back there in a few weeks for work. The cop assumed that someone with out of state plates would just pay the ticket.

So he was shocked when my dad turned up in court, calmly presented his evidence to the judge, and strolled out in five minutes scot-free.

PatientBear1

92. The Fake Expert

I worked with a guy who was supposed to be an expert in what we do. He would blast through jobs and hound our supervisor for more work. He would get through tasks a lot faster than I could and I didn’t understand how…until I had to support him one day and found out he was faking everything.

He didn’t really do good work—anything he submitted was never up to our standards.

When I confronted him about it, he got annoyed at me and insisted I had no idea what I was doing.

He thought he had the upper hand…until my supervisor swooped in. When he checked his product, he was reprimanded for doing a poor job. Then, I had to work with him to get him up to speed.

After six months, he was still failing, and I was working on his projects as much as I was working on my own.

I checked on some of his work, gave him a list of problems I saw, and he completely lost it and didn’t listen to me. So I left him on his own.

I told my bosses that I’d no longer be carrying him. They were getting ready to fire him, but he beat them to it and quit. He found another job where he could be a project supervisor for more money and better benefits.

He failed there, too. We sent his new company a basket of muffins and a thank you note. I ended up getting the company car, a $5 an hour raise, and a bunch of other benefits.

Permalink

93. The Bride Wore Blue

Last summer I was at a cousin’s wedding. His bride and her family had been close with ours since before I was born, and the couple had known each other since they were toddlers, so it was a particularly exciting event for both sides of the family.

However, after the ceremony was over and the party had only just started, one of the bridesmaids decided to announce her own engagement.

The attention was immediately taken away from the newlyweds and brought to the bridesmaid (who I’ll call Sarah) and her equally-smug fiancé. My cousin’s wife (I’ll call her Emma) didn’t make a scene or utter a single negative word about Sarah.

She looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she kept grinning and acted very happy for the other couple.

This was unusual, as Emma is typically quite confrontational and speaks her mind no matter the consequences.

This was a warning sign. Sarah later picked Emma to be the maid of honor at her own wedding, which took place last weekend. I wasn’t there for it, but my cousin sent me some of the best bits on snapchat and explained the whole situation.

This is where the fun begins.

Emma’s two much-younger sisters were the flower girls at Sarah’s wedding. At the very last moment, Emma switched out the white petals in their baskets to blue ones she had secretly brought with her.

She told her sisters not to say anything about it or let the bride see them until it was time to scatter them down the aisle. Sarah looked very confused upon seeing the blue petals (which didn’t coordinate whatsoever with her theme), but of course she didn’t say anything about it in the moment.

Most of Sarah’s other bridesmaids were also Emma’s friends, had attended Emma’s wedding, and were in on Emma’s scheme. At the reception, Emma’s sisters and the other bridesmaids were tight-lipped when Sarah began demanding to know why there were blue petals.

The wedding planner ended up getting a lot of flack for not checking the flower girls’ baskets before they walked down the aisle.

Finally, it was time for the speeches. The speeches took place in front of a massive screen, displaying a loop of photos with Sarah and her husband, which had been compiled by Emma.

Emma took the remote that controlled the presentation screen and at first she showed some pre-approved humorous photos of Sarah with Emma and other friends to facilitate a couple of light-hearted jokes.

Then, at the very end, Emma said to Sarah that she must be wondering why there were blue petals instead of the white ones originally planned.

That was when Emma displayed the last slide from her presentation, and jaws dropped. Emma announced in front of everyone that she was five months pregnant, and that she’d just discovered the baby was a boy, hence the blue petals.

The last slide? Her ultrasound picture.

There were shocked yells and gasps, Sarah had a fit, but those involved in the scheme cheered so loudly that I sincerely regret watching the Snapchat recordings with headphones.

Apparently, Sarah had been very nasty to her bridesmaids before, driving several of them away and forcing the others to pay ridiculous amounts of money for dresses.

Emma and my cousin were eventually thrown out of the party, but they were all smiles.

Sarah’s fuming mother went to confront her outside, and Emma retorted with, “Gentle, gentle! I’m pregnant”! I reckon Sarah doesn’t speak to the majority of those bridesmaids anymore.

yazdon

94. The Spanish Inquisition

Spanish teacher gave me zeroes on a bunch of homework that I knew I’d done and turned in like everyone else.

My father refused to believe me and punished me in accordance with the rules about my “bad grade”. I swore to him that I had turned in the work, so the next morning he went with me to the teacher’s “office hours” or whatever you want to call it.

She showed up 30 minutes after the posted start time, so he was already mad because he was missing work. She unlocks the door and proceeds to tell my father that I’m a bad student, didn’t do my work, and was disruptive in class.

I shove past her into the room, go to her desk, and pull the four missing papers from her “turn it in tray”.

My father watches all this, looks at my teacher (who has turned bright red), and tells me to go to class without breaking eye contact with her.

She started failing all of my assignments from that point forward until my dad complained to the principal, superintendent, and school board. She retired the next year.

SheaRVA

95. I Didn’t Get The Email!

The property management company for my homeowner’s association insisted that I had received emails that I never received.

So, I asked them to prove that I had received them. I’m a software engineer and at the time I had just finished an enterprise email delivery system; like an in-house, constant contact. I knew the rules of the CAN-SPAM Act by heart.

I KNEW exactly how their system worked.

So, this property manager said, “I know how email works. You wouldn’t understand”. At that very moment, I couldn’t help it—I had to put the guy in his place. I started to explain very methodically how email delivery works and how they’d track various actions.

I spent about five minutes detailing my credentials and why I was absolutely certain they had never sent me the emails they alleged I received.

When I was finished, the HOA board just agreed to waive the fines.

-aged-like-wine-

96. Typical Karen

When I was a server I would always record my tables’ orders. Even though my memory is good, my handwriting is bad so I didn’t want to take the risk of getting something wrong. My manager said it was ok and he even put a sign up stating that some of the staff may record your order for accuracy purposes.

Seems normal, right?

At the beginning, I ask each person for their name before I take any drinks or food orders. One of the people at the table orders a steak well done, which is gross but whatever.

Food comes and she said her steak was not medium rare like she wanted and I apologized and told her that she did order it well done. Here we go…

This sparked a big rant, lots of cussing, a call for the manager, etc. Again, I apologize and say let’s go to the tape. The look on her face when I played back the recording of “And Karen how would you like your steak”? was priceless.

She tried to play off that it wasn’t her but nobody else ordered a steak at her table. Her friends just laughed at her.

Jurais13

97. Ain’t Gonna Happen, Bud

I’m an ICU nurse, the last two nights I’ve been taking care of a large strong man going through withdrawals.

It involves four-point restraints. This morning I was trying to put elbow pads on him and he swung at me, but of course, the restraints prevented this. He was furious as I just stood there and slow blinked at him.

Spikito1

98. Money Can’t Buy You Class

I’ve been a TA for a couple courses at my university, which is fairly competitive and the students are generally all top notch. Once in a blue moon, though, someone slips by the admission process.

My worst experience was as a TA for a lower division math course. She was a freshman student, and spoiled doesn’t begin to cut it.

Her family was clearly loaded, and I suspect she went to some insanely expensive private school that wrote her application for her.

This girl would be in designer clothes and on her phone or laptop the entire time in lecture. Obviously everyone does this sometimes, but this girl was clearly just chatting with her friends and shopping for clothes all the time.

When she failed to turn in the first four problem sets, I sent her a quick email to let her know that homework contributed to a significant portion of her grade. I also said I’d still accept them.

I never got a response. So she gets a blatant F on her first midterm. Like, it’s not an F that could be rounded up to anything significant.

She was at a point where she should’ve just dropped out and try again next semester.

I sent another email saying this. This time I got a response, with her stating she could make the grade back next midterm. Alright, I think, suit yourself.  So I continue through the rest of the semester.

She’s still failing…until something absolutely ridiculous happens.

At the last meeting of my discussion section, SHE SHOWS UP! Not just that, but with her parents. Oh my god, it gets better. She stays after the session to introduce me to her parents, and then hands me a stack of papers and informs me that it’s all the homework for the semester.

Meanwhile her parents are sitting there all proud of their little girl.

I take the stack graciously and, in my most professional voice, let her know that I’d be happy to take a look at it, but she won’t get any credit.

Her parents’ faces completely fall. Her father starts to insult me. So I show them everything: The abysmal attendance record, the 0% homework score, the low, low, low midterm scores.

Now she’s starting to tear up and the parents are seriously fuming.

Not wanting to put myself in the middle of the rest of the storm, I mumble that I have a class to get to and sprint out of there…but not before I hear the student getting chewed up so loudly that people actually poked their heads out of classrooms.

She never showed up for the final.

Anyun

99. Ex, Lies and Rock and Roll

My ex, with whom I was still friends, started dating this girl who used to be one of my friends. I got over it fast but I did warn him about her.

I knew enough of her character to be suspicious of the pairing, especially since they were going to be in a long distance relationship. He didn’t listen to me, and after a year it turned out that she was jealous, manipulative, obsessive.

Near the end of the relationship, she was even cheating on him.

That was easily the most satisfying “I told you so” I’ve ever said.

ejiciam

Told you soPexels

100. This Customer Is Always Wrong

Over the years, I have met plenty of entitled people while working in retail, but there’s one individual who stands out in my memory more than any of the others.

This particular woman had by far the most entitled attitude of anyone I’ve ever met. She was also a regular customer, so we had to deal with her crap at least twice a week on average.

This customer’s favorite pastime would be to literally fill a trolley with clearance items. These items were always a nightmare for cashiers, as you would have to reduce the price on the till for each one manually. Our management was worried about scanning fraud, and so they had disabled the multiplication button on the till.

This meant that each item had to be scanned and discounted individually. Once all of her items had been scanned and discounted, this customer would always, without fail, kick up a fuss over the price, accusing us of overcharging her and demanding to see a manager.

Some managers would give in to the persistent lady, which meant voiding the transaction and starting all over again from the beginning.

If they told the woman to get lost, she would complain about “never shopping here again” and storm out, leaving a full trolley of goods for us to have to go through and put back.

Gee, thanks! How kind of you! Either way, the entire spectacle would usually take up at least an hour of our time when all was said and done. And, I repeat, this happened on a very frequent basis.

There was eventually a nice moment of karma for this person, however. One winter, we had an especially heavy snowstorm in our area. Our policy, in this case, was to clear the car park’s access to the spaces closest to the door. We would always do this as very few people come out when it’s snowing, and it lets people park as close as possible if they do decide to make the trek.

Not this customer, though. Oh no. She pulled into the car park, drove directly into the uncleared section, and tried in vain to drive through a snowdrift, hitting a covered bollard in the process. She then clomped on into the store, demanded to see the manager, and proceeded to yell at him point-blank about the excess snow in our parking lot and the damage it did to her car.

Apparently, she was going to sue us and get every employee fired for “not clearing her usual parking space of snow”. Our manager responded by permanently banning her from our store for being consistently abusive towards our staff. Good riddance!

Shas_Erra

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

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