The saying “love is blind” is one of the oldest cliches we’ve got. Countless people have witnessed lovestruck friends who just can’t see the obvious truth about their partners. As the closest and most trusted neutral observers, friends are often called upon to be the voice of reason, and to look out for the best interests of those close to them. Sadly though, many friendly warnings in these kinds of situations go unheeded until it’s too late. We can only hope that in cases like the ones below, the “I Told You So” that will inevitably come will be as gracious as possible.

40. Quick Maths

I overheard him saying “I could tell her 2 + 2 = 5 and I could make her believe it.”

None of her friends really like him. I had a falling out with most of the people in that group over a different but similar situation. So, I barely see any of them anymore, but I still don’t like that guy.


39. Taking Things a Little Far…

I once dated a girl that told me the guy she previously dated (who used to be a mutual acquaintance) sent her mom videos of them having sex to get back at her for not doing something for him, before we had met. This was a drop in the bucket of all the things he did.


38. Scapegoating

There was this guy who kept contacting me, trying to get me to sleep with him even though he had a long term girlfriend. I told him to screw off but he wouldn’t. I saw he had his girlfriend listed on Facebook so I decided to send her a message to tell her what he was doing.

Now, me and his girlfriend aren’t friends but I know her. She absolutely lost her mind ON ME and started threatening to come to my house and beat me. I noped right out of that situation and never spoke to her again. I guess my plan worked though because I didn’t hear from her boyfriend again.


37. Full of Himself

I have a friend like this. She habitually dated bad dudes and now she’s married to one of them. He constantly has to one-up every person he encounters and brag about how he’s better than everyone at everything (the best dancer, the best writer, the best addict, the most people visited him at the hospital, etc).

The guy’s got four cardboard cutouts of himself in his house. He made his own CD about how to be a businessman and gives everyone unwanted signed copies. Meanwhile, he doesn’t have a job. He compares her to all his old girlfriends constantly in front of her friends and family and constantly puts her down. None of us in the friend group want to hang out with her anymore because he just polices the situation and insults us.


36. High Stakes

My best friend has been stuck in an abusive relationship for seven years now. Her boyfriend is a major drug dealer (traveling across the country to make deals in Mexico type drug dealer). He hits her, cheats on her…it’s messed up. And she has told me and our other friends that if anything ever happened to him, she would commit suicide and I honestly believe that.

I’ve known her since fifth grade. We connect on a soul level, and still do to a small degree—but it’s not the same. And let me tell you: me, her other friends, her mother, and her grandmother have been trying to help her for years. We have all made plans for her to see a therapist and get on antidepressants.

My parents even offered to pay for her college education. She denies all help and shuts out the entire world. We’ve stopped extending major efforts, but I always reach out every once in a while to remind her that if things get real bad, she should call me and I’ll help her. It’s been almost over a year since she and I have had an actual conversation.


35. Better Life? Vetoed

I have a buddy who is with an extremely controlling woman. He posted one time on Facebook that he was actively searching for another job and as people replied with leads, she started asking them “what do they pay?” “how many hours will he work?” etc. I told him I could get him a job with me making six figures a year (massive increase from his former position of working 90+ hours a week for $500-700/week). The only catch is he would have had to be out of state for a few months out of the year.

He told me he wanted the job badly and hated his current job as a corrections officer so much that he would take anything to get away from it. Long story short—she said no, made him get another job as a CO, just at a different prison that paid a couple more bucks an hour.


34. Take the Hint

In this case, the friend was me.

My ex-wife would invite a couple of her friends over once a week for dinner. Whatever else she was, she was an excellent cook. She was also sleeping with at least three other guys, and carrying on an online affair.

I suspect her one friend knew about it, and tried to tell me about it over dinner on more than one occasion. She explained that she had a friend who was getting married, but her fiance didn’t know that she was cheating on him all the time. With a bunch of different guys. And I would say, “Well, why don’t you tell him?” And she would go, “It’s… complicated. I know him well enough, but she’s been my friend for years and I don’t want to alienate that friendship.”

It was a recurring topic of conversation at weekly dinner. We were divorced by the time I realized she was talking about me.


33. All Take, No Give

He cheated on her multiple times. He was emotionally and physically abusive and he slowly turned her into an insecure, crazy maniac. She once slapped me because we were in a club and he said something to me, and I had to lean into his ear to respond since it was loud and she thought I kissed him (?!!?). She moved countries for him, allowed him to live rent-free while doing nothing, and worked two jobs to support them all the while.

He’d break things in the house whenever they got into a fight. He brought girls back to her place and had sex with them in her bed, then sent her pictures of it while she was at work. They got pregnant and she got an abortion, but he didn’t go with her or support her emotionally or financially. After the abortion, whenever they fought he’d tell her she was a murderer who killed his baby.

They’re still together ten years later.


32. Birds of a Feather

Two of my friends are dating the same terrible person. They all know about each other. My friends aren’t OK with it but they’re both too invested in this person to walk away. The interested party tells everyone else that my friends are fine with the situation, but that’s just a lie. This has been going on and off for over a decade now.

It’s awkward for everyone…


31. Stripped of His Senses

A buddy of mine started dating a stripper and was absolutely smitten with her. There’s nothing wrong with that profession but he was just kind of at a different place in life than her and we all knew there was no way it was going to work out. He can party, but she was absolutely wild. We all tried to gently point this out to him, but he wouldn’t hear any of it and got upset with us for “trying to sabotage his happy relationship.”

As things moved forward, she started having angry outbursts and started literally just running away almost every time we’d hang out. Still, he persisted with the relationship.

Eventually, she was ousted from her apartment for not paying rent and, to all of our dismay, my friend invited her to move in with him. I’ve never facepalmed so hard in my life, but he’s an adult and can make his own decisions. It ended several weeks later when he came home to find she had thrown all of his clothes and belongings out the window onto the sidewalk in a tantrum and was trying to kick him out of his own apartment. He finally saw the light.


30. Twelfth Time’s a Charm?

They broke up and got back together 11 times. That’s not just an arbitrary number I pulled out of the air. I was keeping count and it finally ended with breakup #12 when she took a trip without inviting him or telling him she was going, and posted a bunch of pics to Instagram of her with the guy she was cheating on my friend with.


29. That’s a Bad Way to Get Attention…

I have a “friend” who dates guys she knows none of us like just for attention, and then throws a fit when we state the fact that we don’t like them. I’m talking storming off when we refuse double dates, dragging them to parties just to sit in the corner and make out with them (or worse—straight up get hot and heavy with them on the couch). She then often asks us why we refuse to hang out with them, only to throw more tantrums when we tell her why.

She dates guys who have invalidated her gender and have wildly different views than the ones that she is absolutely radical about, ones who refuse to communicate with any of us and vape just obnoxious amounts, and most recently one who she falsely accused of sexual assault. When these fall through, she usually then expects all of us to baby her—until a week later when she gets another one, despite sobbing about the last one a day before.

She’s a total disaster and I finally cut her off when she lied to me about having an eating disorder to get my attention—I suffered from an eating disorder from the time I was 12 to when I was 16. She knows that full well, including how much it affects me.


28. All About Herself

Soon after getting together, she moved into his apartment. She turned his spare bedroom/office into her music room. Next she turned his garage into her yoga studio (she never did yoga). She preferred his car but wouldn’t let him drive hers, meaning there were many nights where he was stuck at home while she was out with her friends.

She controlled his drinking. The few times he was out he was allowed ONE drink, while she got totally rat-faced. She often stayed over at other guy friends’ houses cause “it’s too late to drive home.” She planned an elaborate holiday trip, which he paid for, to visit her ex. Relationship lasted a little under a year before she broke up with him because he turned 36 and she only dates guys who are 35.


27. Playing Favorites

They each have a daughter from a past relationship. Her daughter lives with them and gets everything under the sun. His daughter is treated like an outsider when she visits. Both girls are four and they were supposed to each get a tablet for Christmas, so I bought them each a tablet case as my gift. It wasn’t until Christmas morning that I realized the girlfriend’s daughter was the only one to actually get the tablet.

More often than not, when a visit with his daughter is approaching, the girlfriend picks fights with him and he ends up not getting to see his daughter. If it’s not a scheduled visit for the guy and his daughter, the girlfriend picks fights on Thursdays or Fridays, they break up for the weekend, then she comes crawling back on Sunday night. This usually happens immediately after he pays all of their bills. Now they have a child together and she made him quit his well paying job with benefits to stay home with the baby so she could waitress.

He decided to go to school part time, with an hour-long commute, but she refused to take care of their daughter on her days off so he had to drop out. I’ve also recently learned that even though she gets $1100/month in family allowance, plus her pay & tips, plus his parental leave, they never have any money for their baby expenses. I’ve learned that the reason for this is that she has a drug habit.

He is my brother and when I try to explain things to him and tell him he needs out, he fights with me and calls me crazy, saying that I’m the reason for all his stress.


Toxic Partners factsShutterstock

26. That Wasn’t On His Shopping List

We were 17. He met her at Walmart.

This girl was a hypocrite if there ever was one. Holier than thou and judgemental but also trying to get knocked up at 16 by anyone she could proposition, including his friends (and my brother). She was also a control freak, jealous, you know the drill.

We begged and begged him to get far, far away from her. Who wants their friend to be a teen dad and tied to a loony forever? The best we could get from him was that he promised not to get her pregnant. Yeah, no. She was pregnant within a year and they got married. Had two more kids but finally broke up a few years ago.

We’re 28 now and the kicker is he STILL won’t fully divorce her. She lives with another guy and had that guy’s baby but my friend just won’t file the papers. There’s also a BS law that requires him to pay for a baby that isn’t his, because they’re married and the law says it is even if genetics say otherwise.

It’s both sad and frustrating.


25. Putting Things into Perspective

My best friend is in an abusive relationship that is making her life miserable. Before anyone gets ignorant about why she hasn’t left him, you should read up on why abusive relationships are so hard to leave. Especially if you got abused/neglected as a child, which she did to a major degree.

I don’t know. This still really bums me out. I hope by some miraculous intervention she comes out of this and learns to be better than okay.


24. All Take, No Give

The icing on the cake in my friend’s relationship was when he found out they were having a baby boy. He’s a Jr., so he wanted to name his child *My Buddy* III to keep the family tradition going. Her response? “Ummm, no. I can’t stand that name.” They are now married and I want to hang around him more often, but she is so damn controlling and annoys me so bad that I can’t hang out with her as well—which of course means I can’t hang out with him….


23. Trolled

We had one friend in our group, who was this introverted but sweet guy. He hooked up with a girl we called “the troll.” I don’t quite know what he saw in her, maybe he was just lonely, but she was unattractive, unpleasant, unintelligent, and most importantly, she was terribly domineering.

Like she was telling him off and telling him what to do in public. I dread to think what it would be like in private. She was also cutting him off from his friends, especially female ones.

They’re married with twins now, and none of our friend group are in contact with him anymore. The last time I saw him was at his engagement party.


22. Vicious Cycle

Oh, I had one of those friends back in high school. She and this other kid started dating all lovey-dovey for a while, but after a bit she completely shut down to all of us—it was like something inside of her died. She started saying how she wanted out of the relationship and how she couldn’t stand him anymore, but for some reason she just never broke up with him. He got worse and worse with her over time, started hitting her and threatening her.

Eventually, her parents and the police got involved and they “broke up” for like a month or two, but then they just got back together. From then on she weirdly seemed to bounce back and forth between being super in love with him and happy they were together, to looking all dead inside and seeming unable to stand him, and it just went on like that indefinitely—he’d go too far, they’d break up for a bit and then get back together again over and over.

We all tried to talk some sense into her, but she’d get angry at everyone, telling us it’s none of our business and that we should stay out of her life. I think her best friend got so frustrated with her over that, that she completely cut her out because she couldn’t talk sense into her or help her, but she also couldn’t stand to watch it go on.

We lost touch pretty quickly after high-school, so I don’t really know how she ended up. I want to believe everything turned out alright, but it’s so easy to see a scenario where she ended up marrying that guy out of high school and spent the rest of her life miserable and trapped with him.


21. My House is Your House

They got together and she immediately took over his house, which she began referring to as “her” house. He would come home and find out that she had her father over and they two would actually remodel portions of the house without even letting him know.

Dude was a commercial artist, so he had a small office/studio in one of the unused bedrooms. While he was at work one day, she and her dad took everything out of his office/studio, moved it to the basement and then moved the washer and dryer to that room. Then, apparently, realized that there were no ducts for the dryer and they needed some 220 outlets installed so she called him at work PISSED that his house “sucked” and insisting that he needed to get an electrician over there ASAP to fix this, which he did—paying the emergency rate.

Was hoping he’d see the light. He did, but unfortunately only after two kids and her forcing him to quit his good job with benefits.


20. Sentimental Value

My friend’s girlfriend was completely materialistic and did not care about anything other than getting whatever she wanted. His pride and joy was a 1964 Ford Mustang that he and his late father spent three years restoring to like new condition. It was a project car that his dad brought home in buckets as there were almost no parts on the frame they bought. After they finished it, hid dad gave it to him as a birthday present. That car meant the world to him. In a Hail Mary of desperation, he sold his beloved car for something like 20K and spent all of it to buy this girl an engagement ring.


19. Better Late Than Never

First year of university, started in September and this is November, buddy who lived opposite me (who has remained my best friend four years later) is sad because his girlfriend is coming over to visit.

She comes for a week, everyone in our friendship group seems to like her. I didn’t. Told him while we were drunk a week or two later that she was horrible for him and he could do so much better. He didn’t speak to me for a day.

Cue her moving into his dorms around February (she went to a different uni and commuted to it), controlling every little thing about him. When he goes to lectures, when he goes out. She started saying to us that we spend too much time with him and she didn’t like it.

About a year later, when we were in our second-year house he broke up with her. The first night after that we’re all drunk in our living room and he announces in front of us all that he loves me and I’m the best bro he has, as everyone else didn’t have the nerve to tell him she wasn’t good for him and that he should have listened to me earlier. I’m glad he saw the light himself.


18. Why Self-Esteem Matters

My sister-in-law (wife’s sister) has always had weight issues (thanks to her parents who always called her “little fatty” growing up). At 21 she went rummaging through humanity’s garbage can and brought home the first piece of crap to show her any attention. Within nine months of meeting him they were married and within a year she had his baby.

This guy has it all. He’s openly rude to her and her family in public (even in front of her parents). He has about a fifth-grade education and zero plans to improve himself. He has a baby with another woman who he never sees (and never tries to). He has a drinking and gambling problem.

He also makes sure it’s a “his money/her money” situation. He spends all of his money on his parents (who are better off) and his nieces, or on booze/gambling, so my sister-in-law (who does not make a lot) basically supports them. He insists on living in the lousiest, most dangerous part of town, even though they’ve dealt with several break-ins and they could live closer to her parents for less than they pay now if they wanted to. Speaking of her parents, they’re basically raising his baby because she works and he just stays out as much as possible.

I figured they wouldn’t last a year, but now I fear she’ll never leave him and the kid is going to turn out super messed up.


17. History Repeats Itself

My best friend and I met through our boyfriends. One weekend we went on a girls’ trip, just the two of us, to my parent’s holiday house. Our plans were to go hiking and chill out on our own, however he called her two days in and started verbally abusing her for no reason and was yelling that he was going to drive the 300 kms and pick her up. She calmed him down and I drove her home so that she could break up with him. She didn’t.

So fast forward three months, we went out to the local bars and he was going to come later and pick her up when she was ready. My boyfriend was there with us because he was my designated driver so he was making sure we were safe—not that we needed it. About two hours into the night her boyfriend came into one of the bars and demanded she go home with him. He got quite abusive and despite me trying to get her to come home with me instead, she went home with him.

She’s still with him and they’re now house hunting.


16. Rabbit Season

She moved in with my brother at our parents’ small house, despite having a bigger and better house with her own parents. Ok fine, maybe her relationship with them isn’t that great, who knows.

She hid from my parents the fact that she has two bunnies as pets, and she wants a big cage they can play in. My brother decides to build a cage and basically convert his closet into a rabbit house. He spends like $200 on materials and his whole weekend building this thing, with measurements to fit this closet nicely. Seriously, this thing was nice—multiple levels, ramps, poop tray. This mass of metal would put the Eiffel Tower to shame.

I’m helping him bring it up from the basement and into their room because the girlfriend is useless and I love my brother. Turns out, while it was measured perfectly for the closet, it does not fit through the door to the actual room because it’s in this weird corner/hallway thing. He is not having fun. She sees that it’s not fitting, and goes off on him. He’s dumb for not thinking about this… how could he let this happen… he can’t even build a cage right.

He goes out for a smoke to rethink, without even yelling back. I cannot stand to see my brother break his behind for her while she is a complete ingrate to him. Basically, I yelled at her saying she shouldn’t be so hard on him and should appreciate his efforts. She always tries to get the last word in, so I just walked into my room. In the end, my brother disassembled the cage into two pieces and fit it in. I don’t even think she thanked him.


15. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

The guy loved bragging about what a jerk he was. He treated her like garbage and never seemed interested in her, until he found out how rich she was (one of her dad’s companies got sold and the news was public, so her dad couldn’t keep his name off the Forbes list). Then, he publicly declared that they’re together, after three years of toying with her.

At every family event he was at, he just treated it like one big networking bonanza. Doesn’t seem to have a clear job, but claims he’s in finance. Claimed to be “working remotely” while freeloading at her parents’ place for six weeks (and happily treating all their household staff like they were his employees).

We all tried telling her and even though we’re like sisters, she actually told me, “It’s ok if you don’t like him, you don’t have to.”

Her father reminded her that it’s in their family constitution that any potential spouse must be thoroughly vetted by private investigators first. He gave her the courtesy of warning her that he was going to do it in exchange for her agreement that she won’t tell him while the investigation is ongoing. She confidently agreed, completely believing he’d come back clean.

Yeah, the guy was cheating on her.

She was a mess for the longest time but fortunately, she’s fine now and married to the most awesome guy ever.


14. Willfully Blind

My friends and I are very worried about our friend’s marriage. He regularly gets verbally put down in public and private settings. She complains about him every chance she gets, yet he never says a negative word about her. They have had zero sexy time in the past three years. He stays home to watch the kids while she goes out to bars or events several nights a week. The list truly goes on and on and on.

Our circle of friends is pretty tight and we all agree that whenever we see him lately, he is looking absolutely miserable, exhausted and crabby. He looks like he is pushing 55 even though he is only 40. We all want him to get out of his abusive marriage, but any time anyone even comes close to saying anything he gets extremely angry, defends her and starts being nasty towards everyone.


13. Earl Had to Die

She’s MARRIED to someone terrible, I only wish they were dating. She’s one of those girls that does whatever the heck she wants—won’t take a slice of advice from anyone, so I gave up years ago. Some people you just can’t help.

We’ll call him Tim. Tim’s a complete mess.

She’s currently a month shy of their one-year wedding anniversary, and she’s approximately five months pregnant.

Tim’s an abusive raging alcoholic, controlling, extremely jealous of everything, horrible anger issues, buddy needs help…BIG TIME. He ended up throwing her down the stairs one night (when she was pregnant) in one of their many domestic spats. At that point, she left him for about a week, had an abortion and then he proposed about a week later. She said no right?


It was like nothing ever happened. We were all supposed to be happy and excited for her….how? It’s exhausting having these friends, truly. I’ve told her many times that if I ever see him put his hands on her I’ll pull a Dixie Chicks “Earl Had To Die” on him. Our group of friends has multiple bets on when the marriage will end, how horrible is that!?!? It is what it is, I’ve tried and tried and tried to help her out of this situation but I’m out.


12. Hindsight is 20/20

I went through that kind of experience myself. There was a girl I liked during college. We went on a lot of dates but never were “official.” In the end, she dated someone else (after meeting 2/3 guys at once on different days). Of course, it was devastating but I still thought she was the most perfect thing ever. Now that I look back on it, she wasn’t. At all. She was pretty rude actually. Fairly below average attractiveness and did a scummy thing behind our backs that I won’t get into here…


11. Stranglehold

When I was in high school, my best friend started dating a fellow that was known to be a piece of work, but she was in love and we couldn’t convince her that it was a bad idea. He started beating her almost immediately, but that didn’t deter her at all. He would take her car and pick up other girls, but they were just “friends.”

She got him a cellphone in her name and he ran up enormous bills that she couldn’t pay. He gave her herpes, and we were like “okay, maybe now she will leave him.” Nope. He was street-racing in her car and smashed it up—she forgave him, even though she couldn’t afford to get it fixed. He took all her money.

We begged and pleaded with her to leave him and she said she would, but then secretly kept seeing him. Then one night we went to a community dance and he started strangling her in front of everyone. It took three huge guys to get him off her and the police were called. He ended up leaving her after that and she was devastated. The hold he had over her was crazy. And what was even more crazy were the girls that got together with him after all this happened, knowing fully well what he was like. Insanity.


10. Making the Rounds

I was under a dude’s thumb for quite a few years and despite advice from others it took my own strength to finally leave.

That being said, I’ll never understand why some of my (obviously former) female friends then ended up with him. You know what he did to me, but you chose a charismatic jerk over a friendship.

Some girl I don’t really know ended up marrying him and still is with him after like ten years. I never ever interact with them but I always wonder and hope she is okay. Right when she started dating him I cornered her and told her all the hard truth but she wouldn’t listen.


9. She Knows How to Pick Em!

Every guy my best friend has dated. First serious guy cheated on her, threatened her + their babies with a gun/driving into a wall, ultimately killed himself.

Next guy, the kids loved as a father figure, but he regularly told her he didn’t want to be their dad. He just needed a place to stay and he removed every picture of the kids’ dad. He broke up with her and moved out, and she still begged him for months to come back.

There have been a few dudes since, and they’re all trash in one way or another. I’m at my wit’s end.


8. Plot Twist

My sister-in-law dated this high school dropout pothead townie forever. In fairness, they started dating in middle school and were on-again off-again for YEARS. No one, not even her parents, could understand what she saw in this guy who had no background, no ambition, and no discernable good qualities. He was just the local neighbor kid who started creeping on my sister-in-law when they were young and would never go away. She just kept telling us we don’t see what she sees in him (eyeroll). Eventually, we just accepted that nothing we said was going to change her mind.

And after a decade or so we got to know him and realized that he absolutely loved her with his whole heart and would do anything for her. He was actually really handy with a strong work ethic. He’s great with kids, and will be a great dad. Turns out, he realized early on that he loved her and it’s actually a boy-meets-girl hometown romance. She saw all this in him the whole time and we never really looked past the surface. They finally got married a few weeks ago and I couldn’t be happier to call him my brother-in-law.


7. Hero or Zero?

Luckily my friend finally realized, but for a few years she was with this guy. She had already had a baby before they got together, then not long after she got pregnant with his. Now there’s a lot to this story.

First of all, her daughter from before they got together was diagnosed with cancer just a few months into their relationship. By and large, he stepped up to the point where she called him her dad. BUT whilst going through this horrible journey, he’d talk to other girls online behind my friend’s back. When she found out, she became super paranoid and the poor woman had enough to worry about as it was. Anyway, this went back and forth for a while, and the both of them cheated on each other at some point. The relationship was toxic.

Fast forward to 2013, her daughter tragically passed away at the age of four. Their relationship was still awful, then finally came the last straw—brace yourselves. Now when her daughter was alive, she’d get a lot of charity money given to her from many people. Kept it all in a piggy bank, and given the situation, there was quite a bit of it in there. Turns out her now ex boyfriend had been stealing her deceased daughter’s charity money to fund his drug habit, and had also stolen from his son’s savings—leaving my friend with nothing to spend for her son’s birthday.


6. Calculating Costs

My best friend and his girlfriend. He and I have been best friends, like super close, for about seven years. I’ve seen him enter and come out of relationships, but the girl he’s with now is a total piece of work. Let me try to paint a picture of her. Ultra Christian. She doesn’t like gay people. Is an anti-vaxxer. Grew up being California rich. Tries (and fails) to do her makeup like Kylie Jenner. Makes him pay for trips to Disneyworld at least once a year. Never pays for anything really, says it’s “his job to provide for the woman.”

The type of person to poke holes in condoms to lock him in for life. Just a goblin of a person inside and out. They yell and fight constantly, and are just a horrible match for each other. But at this point, he just thinks it’s a sunken cost fallacy. He’s put in four years already, and is afraid of letting that go to waste. He won’t listen to me because I haven’t been in a real relationship since we’ve been friends.


5. One Track Mind

My friend dated this very self-righteous woman who could talk about nothing other than social issues and oppression. It wasn’t just that she had strong feelings about the topic, it was literally the ONLY thing she would talk about. And the social issues were not limited to LGBT rights or women’s issues, ANYTHING that she could get self-righteous about would get her spouting fire and brimstone.

Well at one point I’m on a hike with her and my friend when the topic of burgers comes up. She goes “OH I HAVE TO TELL YOU THE BURGER STORY!!!” The burger story, it just so happens, involved her cooking burgers for a group and wiping her dirty tampon on some dude’s burger when he made vaguely sexist joke. I look over at my friend and he’s smiling and nodding his head as if to say “see how cool and awesome my girlfriend is???”

Long story short, I made sure to cook my own burgers that afternoon.


4. The Unpopular Truth

I watched my best friend’s wife (thankfully now his ex) systematically dismantle him. It was horrible to watch. I was vocal about how much it bothered me and how it drove a wedge between us and some years passed where we didn’t speak to each other. We have since reconnected and she is out of the picture.

It was really hard hearing him say, “Dude, you were the only one who told me it was a bad idea and I pushed you away,” but I’m glad he ultimately saw the light and rescued himself.


3. Laying Down the Law

A few rules she had for him:

– His schedule is set by her.

– His money = her money (he has zero input, and she is awful with money). He recently drained his 401k so they could pay off CC debt—and three months later she bought a new car. Thee months after that they went on a two-week international vacation.

– He runs all her errands, including driving 40 minutes out of the way to bring her lunch at work.

– Six months in she made him abandon his only two hobbies—hunting and fishing—because they’re cruel to animals. For the record, she is not a vegetarian.

– He must respond to texts messages within minutes no matter what he is doing.


2. Charity Case

My best friend (a goody two shoes) decided it was a fabulous idea to date a guy she met while volunteering with her mom at a local food pantry. He was not a volunteer, however—he was putting in his community service hours. I warned her (as I come from the opposite side of life as her) that it wasn’t in her best interest and she didn’t know what she was getting into. Side note: I don’t hate on anyone for being in that situation, there’s so much more to this, just didn’t want to overdetail it.

After six stressful months of her luckily avoiding disaster after disaster with this guy, it took her until she was in the middle of a huge drug deal with him (not her first at this point either) for her to wake up and realize what she was actually doing. He asked her to put everything in her purse while he sped home, and luckily that was her last straw.

She ended it with him hours later and I was absolutely thrilled!

Until she told me a few weeks later she was pregnant…


1. Sign on the Dotted Line

My best friend is in the military. He was dating a slightly older woman, mid-30s, while we were in our mid-20s. She had four kids from three different dads, but she seemed really cool otherwise the first few times I met her. So ok, my boy has had some issues with dating so I get it, but I definitely think he can do better. But hey, we were in our 20s. If he wants to hook up with a more experienced woman for a bit, I’m ok with it.

Then he comes to work one day and is telling a mutual friend of ours that he’s engaged. Now, this is on April 1st. I call BS. There’s no way he’s engaged to her. They’ve been dating less than a year, probably like six months. No way. I’m his best friend and this is the first I’m hearing about it??? I tell our mutual friend that he’s lying, to his face. This is an April Fools joke. It has to be.

Unfortunately, the joke was on me, because they really were engaged, and got married shortly thereafter. At the wedding, everyone is telling him to just leave and not go through with it. All of the groomsmen are pulling him aside, individually at first then as a group, to tell him to leave. His dad is standing there and just looks away like, “I don’t see anything.” He goes through with it and marries her.

Few months after they get married, she talks him into adopting her oldest, since that dad is MIA. He does. The ink is still wet on the adoption papers getting finalized and she turns into a raging lunatic. Just non-stop raging at him, belittling him, and just being downright mean all the time. They lasted 14 months total maybe. Just a few months after the adoption was official, he filed for divorce. Ended up paying child support for over ten years. The child ended up being raised by the grandparents and he paid the money to them but still, ouch.




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