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What goes around comes around. And, boy, is it satisfying when karma’s target is THAT person who smugly thought they picked the perfect victim. These Redditors encountered folks who thought they could bully, harass, and generally exploit without consequence…until one day, when their punching bag struck back. Stay alert to these delicious stories of people who messed with the wrong person.


1. Someone Wants a Knuckle Sandwich

Was riding the bus home from school one day. Bunch of jerks messing around in the back, throwing food and other junk. A quiet, overweight kid sat in front of them, minding his own business when one of the jerks thought it would be funny to shove an old sandwich in his face and call him fat boy. The quiet kid stood up and knocked him out in a single hit, then grabbed his bag and walked up to the front of the bus and got off at his stop as if nothing happened.

TFKGreySlate

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2. With Great Age Comes Great Flexing

Watching my 72-year-old father beat the pee out of a guy who tried to steal my mom’s purse.

TaloneyeMan

3. Revenge Burns Carbs

In seventh grade, my friend was self-conscious about his weight. One day at lunch, I was watching him and another friend chasing each other, (I forgot why they were), the one friend said, “You can’t catch me fatty!” And the next thing I knew, there was a loud SMACK and the kid was on the grass with a bloody nose.

Qwertyuiopslad

4. Deadly Valor

I was jumped in a Kroger parking lot late at night while I was on my way to my car. I only had one bag. Here’s the thing, I had JUST gotten out of basic training for the infantry. All that ground fighting techniques training was fresh still and I ended up breaking him with a straight arm bar. Then I ran like a wiener, leaving him there screaming.

Drove to a gas station and called the cops.

TehRealBabadook

5. Nothing Like the New Year for a New You

There was this guy who was part of our group in college. He was a jerk, but he was my friend’s brother, so he hung out with us a lot. Whenever he would get drunk, he would try to pick fights. We would just shake it off and ignore him. One of the guys hosted a pretty big NYE party. As it goes, this dude got drunk and tried to pick fights again.

People were getting uncomfortable. There was one guy at the party who was about 6’4” tall and built like a tank who was just not having it. He waited to be confronted and then immediately carried the guy outside and threw him down on a stair and broke his leg. He stopped picking fights after that.

PhreedomPhighter

6.  Not Every Story is David and Goliath

Jerk bully screwed with a younger kid in high school who was super nice and a really good friend of mine. I didn’t like it, so I got in the bully’s face and told him I’d kick his butt. Well, we went at it and I absolutely got the snot kicked out of me. Guy knew judo or something. Yeah, I messed with the wrong person. I’d do it again though.

usernamesarehard1979

7. Violence is the Universal Language

So, in my university, people hazed freshmen in all kinds of crazy ways. It was out of control for a period. Then one of the freshmen was a quiet, small, constantly smiling guy who was from a rural area on the India-China border, from a village where they had only three hours of electricity a day. He didn’t speak much English or Hindi.

One of the seniors targeted him and slapped him or something. Guy took it all smilingly. Then in the dead of the night, he waited till when the senior was all alone outside. Then dragged him into the woods and beat the snot out of him. No one messed with him after that.

sensitiveinfomax

8. To the Drum of the Beating

There was this guy who played drums all the time in Hawaii on the city strip. Nice guy; never chatted much except for a wave and to throw him a few dollars. Some drunk tourist decided it would be fun to mess with his drums. Guy gave him so many chances to walk away. Drunk tourist winds up for a punch, and the dude just knocked him out in one punch.

I just stood there, and my buddy had the presence of mind to tell the guy to pack his stuff and leave before the cops come. Guy was pretty messed up, and we helped him till the ambulance came. I’m pretty sure with the way that his jaw looked, it wouldn’t be a short recovery.

Fallout541

9. Free Speech Doesn’t Protect You from an Avenging Parent

This guy—well, his subcontractors—does a lot of work for my local smallish city/county, totaling about $5 million worth of work last year. He has an autistic son and is a pretty nice, if super cheap, guy. This other subcontractor was kind of a piece of trash, was one of those “I’ll say whatever I want, ‘cause free speech.” Well, on his second or third job, the boss stops by to check on stuff and drop off some materials.

The sub starts running his mouth about stupid stuff, and eventually starts telling “retard” jokes. The boss says, “You know I have an autistic son, right?” This was his perfect response: “Yup, I did, sorry about your crummy luck.” Dude hasn’t done a single job for the city since, no other contractors will even toss him some work.

Pretty sure his business is going under. He did trash work anyways.

CappuccinoBoy

10. Stick Out for the Little Guy

Happened on my behalf. I went to my community college for my BTEC (that’s a bit like an Associate’s Degree) and there were a few mature students in my class. There was one guy named Dave. Dave was the kind of guy that was so big he loomed. He was also a super nice guy, and I helped him out with his coursework because he was trying to get into the IT industry.

Well, at the time I was this skinny runt of a 17-year-old, and one day I’m minding my own business and some other student starts trying to push me around. All of a sudden, a shadow appears between the two of us. Dave just taps him on the shoulder: “No, you don’t touch him. He’s my friend. You understand?” Never had any trouble again.

Gotta say, every skinny nerd needs a friend like Dave.

zerbey

11. What Are They Teaching in Special Ed?

Seventh grade, the new kid in school, I forgot his name, but he looked like the jerk from 10 Things I Hate About You. He gets egged on to fight the special education kid, we’ll call him Kendal. Sweet kid, Down syndrome, took a long time for him to agree to meet the jerk behind the band hall. He does, the jerk dances in, in front of half the student body, and gets deflected and destroyed.

Every punch he threw turned into a throw or a joint lock. He got tossed and pushed away four times, before on the fifth time, Kendal locks him up again, turns him around and then punts his family jewels into his throat.

Paladoc

12. This Love Triangle Just Got Folded

Was in a Canadian bar. I hit on some chick, and she was digging me, but the guy that thought she was there with him wasn’t enjoying the idea she was ditching him in order to go home with me. He told me to go away and she told me he was just obsessed with her and they were nothing. He warned me I was messing with the wrong guy.

Anyway, her and I were dancing and then the dude comes out of nowhere and tries to hit me. I was holding her at the time and the dude ended up knocking her out in my arms. Security saw the whole thing and jumped the guy. I just walked off back to the hotel alone.

Pacenak

13. Gotta Hand It to Him

Me, drunk as heck on a party bus for my cousin’s 21st. Being a complete clown because I was letting my brother, who had issues with someone, get me worked up on his drama. Got in a huge brawl outside of one of the stops and decided to take a shot at one of the guys I didn’t like. Hit him with everything I had. I mean EVERYTHING!

I literally broke my freaking hand on his face. He got up, looked at me, and calmly said “You just messed up.” He was right.

Fuct1492

14. Size Does Matter

Scrappy chihuahua man road rages at me. I flip him off and pull into the grocery store parking lot. I needed to get formula for my daughter. He followed me. Oh dear. He yells, “Get out of the car, I’m gonna kick your butt!” Okay. I’m 6’5″ tall, bald, bearded, and since I lost weight and started lifting, I’ve been mistaken for similar-looking NFL defensive linemen.

I got out of my bright green Volkswagen Beetle, crossed my arms, and looked straight at him for about 10 seconds before he got back in his crummy little Honda and peeled out of the parking lot. Good thing too, I don’t know how to fight.

LegendOfSchellda

15. Should Have Just Taken the Zilch

Yuppy frat boy in an econ course I was taking my freshman year got caught cheating. At my university, we all sign a contract agreeing to their honor code policies, and cheating is an automatic expulsion. But, the professor decided to be nice, and was just going to give the kid a zero on the exam. Frat kid still thinks that’s too harsh, and it turns into an argument.

Kid starts saying how “in” his family is at the university, and how none of this matters because he’ll just “pull some strings.” Long story short, our professor is actually close friends with the chancellor of our school. Not only did the kid get expelled from the school, but they somehow got him into legal trouble as well for some of the comments made in class that day.

I don’t know what was said that could have been used against him, but the kid ended up in some deep trouble.

lineman77

16. Born to the Shield

I didn’t witness it, but when I worked for AT&T a gentleman and his wife came in because his son’s iPhone 6 was bent. So, they wanted to get him a new phone. How did it get bent? Some turd held the boy up while he was walking home from school, taking his money and his phone. Both of his parents were retired police officers, and his father trained SWAT tactics and hand-to-hand combat.

The son went home empty-handed and was initially scared to tell his parents, because the thief told the boy he knew where he lived and threatened him. His parents eventually got him to tell them what happened. The thief was hanging out at a laundromat near their home when the robbery took place. The dad called his cop buddies, who immediately rolled up to the laundromat along with the dad where they apprehended the guy who still had the phone in his pocket.

It got bent during the ensuing scuffle. Dude stole from the wrong kid. The kid was very polite and kind while in the store. He seemed pretty shook up. I was glad for him that his dad had his back.

jennifershhh

17. Someone Just Got Schooled

My first week at a white-collar job (my first such job), and we were in the middle of a department wide meeting—about 17 coworkers and supervisors altogether. The person leading the meeting asks a question of no one in particular, and several of us answer. My answer differed from the rest. One guy turns to me and says: “Let’s leave these questions to the people who actually have a master’s degree, shall we?”

I looked at him and said: “I have a master’s degree.” The room went silent, except for one guy who loudly oohed. I had given the correct answer, to top it off.

-basedonatruestory-

18. Putting Your Money Where You Mouth Was

Friend of my brother’s was this big dude. About 6’3″ tall and maybe 275lbs. Anyway, I always thought he was awesome, but he had been known to drink and act the fool. One night he comes over with a mouth full of stitches. He’s all embarrassed and my brother is busting up. Turns out he got bumped at the bar, something innocuous, and gets in this guy’s face.

To hear my brother tell it this dude was like a lean 5’9″ tall and I guess he tried to talk my buddy down like a champ, but like I said, drunk jerk. Anyway, this guy had enough eventually and kicked my buddy right in the mouth from about a foot away. Busted him wide open, and he did about what you’d expect…whined and bled.

Turns out the other guy was a champion kickboxer. This was the early nineties when martial artists weren’t a dime a dozen. He felt so bad about what he’d done he tried to drive my buddy to the ER.

elhoffgrande

19. The Vet Guts Another Animal

My grandpa was a Vietnam vet, really nice guy—kind of your typical portly boomer type. Well, one day we were at the mall, and on the way back to the car some frat douche-looking guy was walking along singing a dirty song comprised mostly of profanity. My grandpa told him “Hey, there are kids around here, watch your mouth.”

Guy sizes up my grandpa, sees he’s kind of old and has a belly, and decides he’s going to prove to his two buddies how tough he is by going up against an old man. He flexes his cutoff sleeved arms, juts his barbed wire tribal neck tattoo chin out, and kind of tries to chest bump my grandpa. My grandpa suddenly is in this perfect boxer’s stance and just rocks this guy in the gut.

Frat dude goes down on his knees winded, and my grandpa says, “I said watch yer mouth, boy.” The guy starts to get up and say “Screw you,” but my grandpa puts a left hook into his face and a right punch into his neck under his ear, and the dude goes down spread eagle and out cold. My grandpa steps over him walking towards his two buddies, who book it.

We got in the car and he made me promise not to tell my mom.

Vict0r117

20. What Would Grandma Think?

It was like a shopping center like thing, a popular one in England called Trafford Centre. There were these two very built-up men, obviously body builders, getting quite heated and looking like they were about to throw hands. A small crowd had gathered around. One of them threw a punch, and the other one returned with a revenge blow.

Security came and sort of hesitated as the size of these men was triple of the biggest security guard they had. This is when some old woman, maybe in her early 90s, stepped between them and scolded them. It’s not really a messed with the wrong person moment, but you’re not going to punch a little old woman.

machopiggies

21. An International Gamble Fails to Pay Off

Back in the 1980s, I took a commercial tour in Africa. A local cop in an obscure town decided that accusing a group of American tourists of illegally photographing a police station would be a good way to ingratiate himself with the local commandant. So, he arrested us and hauled us off to see the commandant, who was not amused.

To save face, he agreed to let us go after we swore that we wouldn’t sell pictures of the police station to American newspapers. It didn’t hurt that we, on the tour leader’s advice, were loudly demanding that he call the American ambassador. We learned later that things did not go well for the local cop. The tour organizer was a European who was best friends with a man considered a national hero in that country.

The organizer had contracted with a local company to do the logistics for the tour. The local company was owned by the national hero’s brother. Local guide made a call. National hero made a call. Commandant understood which side his bread was buttered on.

nutraxfornerves

22. Hulk Smash!

When I was on vacation in Sharm El Sheikh (Egypt) I saw a Russian girl carrying her own food in the beach, where you can’t—very stupid rules. So, one man from that beach staff tried to take her food from her. She didn’t want her food to be taken from her and tried to rip it out of his hands. So, that man hit her in the face so hard that her glasses shattered.

Unfortunately for that man, the girl’s boyfriend noticed the interaction. He was like Hulk, but not green. Hulk punched that guy so hard that he immediately lost his consciousness and dropped on the sand. After 10 seconds, two of the almost-dead guy’s friends came to beat that Russian Hulk, but with no luck. One had his face smashed into the table and other was hit with a Hulk smash in the stomach.

MYCOOLNEJM

23. The Mild Face of Justice

My wife and I were at a punk show at a small venue downtown. It was kind of a weird lineup. There was a gutter punk band, a street punk band, and an Irish folk/punk band playing. Kind of a strange mix of people. Anyway, we’re outside while I was smoking and watched as four gutter punk kids step out the door and spit right in the face of this slightly overweight Irish guy who was just minding his own business.

He shouts something like “What the heck!” and the gutter punks surround him. People could see this was going to be bad, so the crowd starts to step in to intercede when the Irish guy puts his fists up like he’s a boxer from 1900. It looked almost ridiculous and I thought for sure this guy was going to have a bad night. Nope.

He lashed out and dropped one of the gutter punks in one hit before they closed on him. One of the remaining three got a solid punch into his face, bloodying his nose. The Irish guy returned the favor with a wicked punch to the stomach that dropped the kid to his knees. The remaining two jerks tried to grapple with the guy and one of them got thrown through the plate glass window to the venue.

Police showed up and after questioning people in the crowd they arrested the four punks who started it and let the Irish guy go. The venue even let him back in despite the broken window. The whole fight lasted maybe five or 10 seconds. This kind of short slightly overweight guy showed me what a bad idea it can be to judge a book by its cover.

Tracerface

24. Every Beating is a Friend You Haven’t Made Yet

I would like to preface this with the fact that up until this point I was a jerk and a bully. I was 14 and at a summer camp. There was this Russian kid who attended who had lived here for a year with family to go to school. Since he was a foreigner, I immediately singled him out and started picking on him. This went on for about two weeks with me mocking him in Russian accent, making jokes about Russians and generally just being a little freaking jerk.

Then one day he had enough. He picked a fight with me and I’d thought I would have easily one since I had almost a foot on the guy. Nope. I go in for a punch and he ducks, grabs my arm and throws me over him onto the ground. Breaking my arm in the process. I started crying. I was then taken to the hospital. I went back to camp and I was forced to apologize to the kid, and I did.

We ended up being friends and he tells me that his dad runs a jiu-jitsu gym in St. Petersburg, and is a former Spetsnaz soldier. He wasn’t the kind to boast so I believed him. He told me his dad trained him in jiu-jitsu for most of his life. That day I learned you probably shouldn’t mess with strangers because you have no idea what they are capable of that everyone should get their butt kicked at least once in their life, so they know this.

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25. Queen Takes All

At work I had a chess board and would play with various people during lunch. None of us were particularly great or anything; it was just a fun diversion. One day, one of my co-workers came up, an older woman who was always very sweet and quiet, and asked if I wanted to play a game. She destroyed me. Like, it wasn’t even a close game.

Towards the end I would make a move and she would just say, in the sweetest tone possible, “Oh, are you sure you want to make that move?”

KirTakat

26. If You Can’t Handle the Ball, Don’t Bring Yours to Court

As an arrogant 14-year-old, I was at Sky Zone, a recreational place with a lot of trampolines. I was in the dodgeball section and I told a 20-something man that he was “the number one person on my people to get out list.” This man was put on the other team, and he was a very athletic man. He proceeded to hurl these rubber dodgeballs at what seemed like the speed of sound as he eliminated my entire team three games in a row, saving me for last each game.

Every time he got me alone, he hit me in the crotch in front of all my friends. I should not have messed with him.

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27. Chomping at the Bit

This bouncer had not long started work and was sent by his security agency to cover a shift in Merthyr Tydfil, a rough town in Wales. During the night, the head doorman refused entry to a guy for being too drunk and for being involved in an incident at a different nightclub a few weeks prior. The drunk dude began to get all up in the head doorman’s face, threatening to come back with “the boys.”

This is usually quite an empty threat—normally a drunk dude gets all angry for a bit and then walks away/moved on by the police. In this instance, the guy walked away and the new bouncer who was covering thought the issue was done. 30 minutes later the drunk guy returns with 15 of his friends, marching down the road “like a scene from Green Street or The Football Factory.”

The new bouncer is watching these guys approach with the head doorman thinking “Shoot! We’re going to be in a spot of trouble here.” He sees the head doorman reach inside his coat pocket. “Holy moly, does he have a weapon or something?! Trash is going to hit the fan.” The head doorman produces a gumshield from his pocket, puts it in his mouth and limbers up his neck and cracks his knuckles all in complete silence and calm.

The lads approaching see this and pause, before one shouts, “Nah, screw that mate” and they all scatter. The new bouncer asked not to be sent there on cover again.

jacktli

28. Don’t Bring a Geyer to a Gun Fight

When I was younger, my family would go rafting with a couple of other families down a very calm river. People would often bring some kind of squirt guns, and people would try and fire at people in other rafts. Everyone on the river did this. Well, one time we were floating by a very large group—at least 40+ people. They had all their rafts tied together, which were all covered by towels.

We thought, “Oh boy, we should get them! Look at how many people there are! This will be epic!” Mind you, this is 9-year-old mentality. Then, we issued the first strike. This is where things went wrong. They shouted, “I wouldn’t do that!” We had heard this before; an opposing raft issuing mild threats to get us to not fire our Tinker Toys squirt guns.

Hence, we continued. Another warning, “I really wouldn’t do that!” The measly firing ensued. Then aloud, ” You’ve really done it now!” And this is when I thought, “I messed with the wrong person”. Suddenly, the sound of a generator came across the river. The group of 40+ unveiled all of the towels, only to display they had a fire hose.

The pressure from the fire hose was insurmountable and could easily reach the other side of the river. Our entire group was heavily doused in a matter of seconds. Needless to say, the squirt gun game ended quickly.

a_very_nice_lad

29. The Straw that Broke the Biker’s Patience

Not me, but a friend I was traveling with. When I was 20, we were in a DCA drum corps for the summer, on our way to a show in Pennsylvania or something. We had stopped at Wendy’s to eat. While we were there, a group of bikers—obviously part of a club—came in the same Wendy’s to eat. They sat behind us. My friend decided to try to hit me with his straw paper.

His attempt went right past me and hit a biker in the back of the head. We go dead silent, waiting for a reaction. Nothing. We let out a deep sigh of relief and continue eating. As we are heading out the door, my friend decides to use the bathroom. I wait for him on the bus. A few minutes later he comes flying out of the Wendy’s, red-faced and looking terrified.

Apparently, a biker had met him in the bathroom, cornered him and explained “I’m the nice kind of biker, so I’m going to let you off with a warning, but be aware that many bikers would be kicking your butt right now. Get out of here.” That was the end of shooting straw paper.

SigKapEA752

30. Got a Face That’s Hard to Place

When I was young, I was in the Navy. And as you’d expect living amongst a couple of hundred aggressive young men, I got into more than a few scraps. I was young, was in really great shape, and had exceptionally fast hands, so I acquitted myself well and had a reputation as someone that you didn’t really want to mess with.

Another guy on our ship, a friend of mine, was rumored to have been a top-notch collegiate wrestler, almost, but not quite good enough to make the Olympic team that didn’t go to Moscow in 1980—yes, I’m old. Anyway, being rather full of myself, and never having seen this guy in any kind of dust-up, I decided to have a go at him.

We were just fooling around, there was no anger involved, just one young tough guy testing another. I goaded him a few times to show me what he had. I was poised, well balanced and ready for him. And then I was on my back looking up at the sky. I wasn’t hurt. I never saw him move. No time had elapsed. One instant I was standing in front of him ready for whatever he did, and the next I was on my back looking up at the sky.

The genius that I was, I figured it had to be a fluke. So, I got up and tried him again. Once again, I never saw him move, didn’t feel a thing. Just one instant I’m in front of him ready to go, and the next I’m on my back looking up at the sky. And once again, no time had elapsed. Well, I am less stupid than I am stubborn, so I admitted that he was better than I was and stayed where I was to contemplate the clouds floating silently by overhead.

Never before, or since, have I ever been so utterly and completely over-matched. Let me say this again, so it’s very clear. I never saw him move. Twice! I’ve gone toe to toe with wrestlers before, but nothing I’d ever done prepared me for this guy. I still don’t know what the hell he did, all I know was that one instant I was ready to fight, the next I was on my back.

Not hurt, never felt a thing, never saw a thing, didn’t notice the passage of any time. It was like I had been teleported from a vertical position to a horizontal one. That was the day I learned the difference between a good athlete and a world-class athlete.

Adddicus

Messed With The Wrong Person FactsKristina Popovska | Factinate

31. Don’t Mess With Our Parade

We were in the funeral procession on a back road, headed to the cemetery for my uncle’s graveside service. This “jack wagon” in his POS mobile comes speeding up a side road, breaks the line, and decides to pass everyone using the left lane. He was a real jerk, and totally disrespectful. When he overtook the hearse, his day took a downturn, as he forced one of the eight motorcycle escorts off the road.

It was at this point he found that there were hundreds of police cars following behind the family. My uncle was a high-ranking deputy sheriff, and basically, every local police officer, state trooper, and deputies from over 50 counties were attending that funeral. When his car disappeared in the rear-view mirror, he was “gently” being taken into custody and placed into the back of a deputy’s cruiser by several officers.

wizardrc

32. Get Off My Lawn, Youngsters

One night my dad had his garage broken into by some kids. We were in there working at some designs for the ducts of a house being built when some kid knocks on the door of the garage. We go out to help the one kid, whom we assumed was alone at the time, on the other side of the house from our detached garage. Dad goes around to the garage to get his set to help out and finds a different kid walking out with his 40oz. bottle of booze.

That kid got laid flat pretty quickly. I heard this interaction and shuffled my way over, abandoning the kid on the side of the house facing the big street (we’re on the corner). I see the out-cold kid on the ground in front of the garage door with the bottle and know something is up. I go back around the house to see if they’re connected and the kid with the bike has taken off down the street on the bike that we were really just going to fix the brakes on.

Knowing that kid 1 was gone, and figuring there was two at this point, Dad heads into the house—again the garage is detached but not far—and finds yet another kid fumbling around in the bedroom where his keys were. He comes back out of the house and tells me to make sure they don’t go anyway, both of them are out cold at this point and he is off to chase down the kid on the bike.

He ends up chasing kid 1 in his van down the street near a hardware store and bumps his tire from behind to kill his balance and knock him to the ground in the parking lot. I would say that was a night of violent justice.

Starthreads

33. It’s the Circle of Life

An IFBB pro bodybuilder was at a nightclub hanging out, and a fight broke out. An angry large man, probably 230 lbs. and over 6 feet tall tried to shove him in the commotion. I watched him pick the guy up like Simba, carry him out on the street, and chuck him onto the sidewalk like he was an old cabbage.

potato_reborn

34. Beware of the Block Parents

I was on vacation a few years ago, and one day I see a man running away from some lady chasing him. Suddenly three guys appear out of nowhere and one of them punches that man in the face (I still remember the sound of that punch). Then one of them started calling the police while the other two were making sure the man doesn’t get up.

Later I found out that the man was a child molester, and he was asking weird questions to children of that lady who was later chasing him.

domcioonline

35. Knight in Crotch-Kicking Armor

I was in a bar in Missouri. It had a nice mix of customers with various backgrounds. College students, city dwellers, country folk, etc. There was a group of white, preppy 20-something guys acting douche. The king of the douches marches up to bar and tries flirting with the bartender. She smiles and listens to him but clearly doesn’t care.

He keeps spewing stupid pickup lines while his friends egg him on. Next to him is a thin black guy drinking a Cosmo. After the last failed pickup line. The thin black guy says, “She really doesn’t give a flying darn about your pickup lines, she’s just doing her job.” King Douche doesn’t like that, starts talking smack about the black guy.

Very immature stupid stuff. The thin black guy keeps his cool, sipping his Cosmo. King Douche calls him a gay slur for drinking a Cosmo, continues on a homophobic rant. Thin black guy finishes his drink and turns to King Douche, who says, “What you gonna do fa-” Thin black guy kicks him in the crotch. As he bends down in response to his annihilated testicles,

Thin black guy uppercuts him in the throat. While King Douche fall tries to comprehend what is going on, his friends come up behind him. Thin black guy kicks King Douche into his friends. The bartender tells the flock of douches to get the hell out. They help King Douche to his feet and leave. Thin black guy goes back to the bar to pay for his drink.

The bartender says, “Thanks Marcus.” Marcus replies “No problem, see you later,” then he walked out to his car and drove off. That is the last time I saw Marcus.

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36. The One Finger Discount

My mom told me this story about my dad about when they were young/newly married. I don’t think an adult could necessarily get away with this in American-helicopter-parent culture these days, but this happened in the late 70s. My dad was a restaurant manager and had to fire a high school kid. He lived in the same neighborhood as my parents and would often see my dad when he and his friends were driving to school.

They would flip my dad off and yell things at him. One day my dad got sick of it all, and drove to their school, found them trying to park, used his car to block them, got out and went up to the kid’s car window and told him, “If you ever flip me off again I’m going to rip that finger off and shove it up your butt.” The kid stopped flipping him off.

TommyPimple

37. Should Have Just Paid the Troll Toll

Most of this I learned secondhand as it occurred. When I was younger, my dad bought some oil field royalties, percentage ownerships of what is produced, which gave a check each month for a few hundred bucks. Well as time goes by, the checks begin to dwindle and then stop. At this point, he began to look into the company that operated the oilfield and received a significantly less than satisfactory answer.

At this point, they really should have just given him the checks each month, because he proceeded to look into the company and peel back a metric ton of fraud and other deceptions. Over the course of a seven-year litigation case, my dad figured out exactly how they were committing fraud and after working with a few lawyer friends, hit them with the slap of God in court, which removed their operator’s license for oil wells and promptly thereafter, they went out of business.

He ruined a $50 million company because they tried to screw him out of a few hundred bucks a month.

LegalGraveRobber

38. Don’t Mess With the Hands of Fate

We had a vendor who showed up once a week and was a bit of a hand masher. Liked to crush your knuckles while shaking your hand. The boss had just hired a doughy-looking, middle-aged guy for the sales department. I told him to be wary of shaking the vendor’s hand. A few days later the vendor shows up, puts his hand out to the new guy with a big smile, and goes in for the kill.

At first, everyone is smiling. The new guy is looking him in the eye while pumping his hand furiously. Then stops. The smile melts off the vendor’s face. He had a pained look on his face as his lips pursed together. The vendor yelped a long “Eeeeyah!” and dropped the new guy’s hand like it was lava. Pulled the new guy aside and asked how he did that.

“Ten years I drove a tow truck. Must have changed thousands of flat tires with just hand tools. Nobody crushes my hand.”

1Badshot

39. Mommy’s Silent but Deadly

Seventh-grade science class. The bully said something about a quiet kid’s mother. The quiet kid’s mom was dead. The quiet kid also apparently studied boxing. Who knew? “What did you say about my mom?” WHAM. “What did you say about my mom?” WHAM. Bully was so shocked he did nothing and took the two straight punches to his face.

I don’t think the kid got in trouble, as it happened before the teacher came in.

PrivateIsotope

40. The Grandfather of All Beatdowns

I was on the road with my grandpa—he was a truck driver—and we had stopped for the night at a truck stop. We go to do our normal thing of showering, eating, playing a game or two, then sleeping. If you don’t know, truck stops have separate room showers. I got out of the shower and was waiting outside for my grandpa to finish his.

I go look at the glass figurines that most stops have and was just about five feet from the showers. Next thing I know, a man grabs my arm and starts dragging me to the door. I was about 10 at the time, but I looked about 6/7. Obviously, I don’t know this man and I start crying loudly, trying to grab onto something to stop him.

Thankfully my grandpa walked out at that moment and heard me screaming bloody murder. He ran toward us—I’ve never seen that man run before. The guy dragging me was yelling at him, “It’s my daughter, I promise, don’t worry!” That man flew to the ground so fast and hard. My grandpa’s hand was bloody, blood sprayed when he was hit.

The man looked up at him and yelled that I was his daughter. My grandpa said, “I’m the grandfather, care to try again?” As he got closer. Cops came as my grandpa was straddling him and was about to beat him to a bloody pulp. Workers of the store backed up my grandpa, showed security footage, there were even bruises on my arms.

If my grandpa had been in the showers another minute, who knows where I’d be or what would have happened to me. I love you, grandpa!

pan-orama

41. Who is the Real Gentleman?

It happened between my high school boyfriend and my older brother. My freshman year of high school I met “Scotty.” He was a little on the weird side, a scene kid, but he was nice enough. Until the day he decided to hit me. I said something he didn’t agree with and in retaliation, and he slapped the bejeezus out of me. If there was an award for best slap, then Scotty won it.

My head snapped back, saliva flew from my mouth, tears formed in my eyes. We had been in the car, sitting in traffic behind some accident or something else. He kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. I sat down on the side of the road and called my brother because I wasn’t ready to deal with my mother’s reaction.

My brother showed up in his Jeep and held up traffic on a Friday afternoon to make sure I was okay. He had even stopped at the store and bought me a bag of frozen peas for my cheek. We drove on, the car was deadly silent. My brother was steely-faced, white-knuckle gripping the wheel, with pure anger in his eyes. We drove past our road and kept going.

He pulled into Scotty’s yard and stormed up to the door. I stayed in the car. Scotty came out, 5’7” tall to my brother’s 6’3”. My brother grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him a good foot off the ground. I didn’t hear what was said, all I know is my brother never had to hit the kid, whatever he said to him made Scotty go pale and shaky.

Brother laid him down on the front porch, came back down, got in the Jeep and wrecked that boy’s front yard. Tore it the hell up. Scotty’s dad was one of those guys who won awards for his yard. Scotty had to explain to his dad why his yard was messed up. His parents called and apologized for their son’s behavior. We never heard another word from Scotty.

carmelacorleone

42. Below the Belt Hits

There was a bully in my high school class who liked to “pants” other guys. His goal was usually to get both the pants and the boxers, leaving the victim’s genitals blowing in the breeze. After gym, the bully decided his target was a guy named Dan. Dan was a brilliant yet awkward guy, definitely on the spectrum. Dan was a tall gangly guy and an easy target.

However, Dan had a secret. He had just received his black belt in jiu-jitsu and was fully capable of absolutely messing stuff up. I think you see where this is going. Anyway, the bully struts up to Dan and yanks his shorts down. Shorts, boxers, everything. Dan is left standing there fully on display with the whole class laughing at him.

Dan calmly stepped out of his downed shorts and put the bully into some crazy hold. Once he got the bully to squeal, he flipped him over his back onto the bleachers. The gym teacher saw the whole thing. The bully suffered a broken leg, missed out on his entire senior year of athletics, and was suspended. Dan received a warning not to break the legs of any more classmates.

nate800

Sources: 1, 2


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