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Broken Vows: The Fastest Ways Couples Went From Married To Divorced

Steven Y

When people get married, the general idea is to pledge lifelong commitment. Welp, these people barely made it to a year, never mind an eternity.


1. Keeping A Tally

Upon my return home from Afghanistan, my new wife of less than a year admitted to me that she had slept with 23 different guys while I was gone. Needless to say, our marriage ended real quick…

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2. The Ceremony That Will Make Your Jaw Drop

My buddy had a wedding about 15 years ago. We thought he had found the perfect woman, she was so nice all the time, hot as a bonfire, and from what we understood from manly banter as well as her own jokes at the poker table, amazing in bed. Wedding time comes round, “Does anyone have a lawful objection?” From there, everything unraveled.

His dad objects because he hadn’t found a way to tell everyone that he cheated on my buddy’s mom decades ago. But get this: the “other woman” was the bride’s mother. And guess what? The bride was my buddy’s half-sister. Apparently, only the parents knew the truth. A DNA test later confirmed it. Now my friend is in therapy because “the best love and lay of my life was my sister!”

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3. Give Me The Money!

My dad got remarried after being divorced for five years. I would have been all for it, but this didn’t feel right. He met this woman in another state on a business trip and would travel up to see her every weekend. They knew each other for six months before getting engaged. The engagement only lasted three months. My brother and I tried telling him about all the red flags, telling him to take his time.

My dad is very well-off financially, and we kept trying to explain to him that things were moving too quickly, and she seemed like a gold-digger. She moved her whole family from their hometown to the city my dad lived in, including their elderly grandmother who needed constant medical supervision.

Before they were even married, the pantry was full of branded food from Whole Foods, instead of the unbranded things we got from the local grocery store. He bought new furniture and had the house repainted, all at his bride-to-be’s request. And then, plot twist: The marriage lasted all of two weeks.

Apparently, my dad’s new bride had the gall to ask my dad to leave everything to her in the will and write me and my brother out. Only then did he realize she was in it for the money. The next day he had the marriage annulled.

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4. Enjoying The Music A Little Too Much

I work as a clerk at a family courthouse. One bride slept with the DJ who was working at her wedding. This literally happened during the reception. It was a new record for our office pool. The divorce was about two months after the wedding, when the husband was finally told about it by the maid of honor.

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5. It Isn’t You, It’s Me

My friend’s sister got engaged after eight months of being in a relationship, and got married four months later. Everything seemed fine for the first five months, but after that the husband started acting differently. He wasn’t chatty, his good morning/goodnight kisses became dull, etc. His wife would ask if everything was okay and he would say “I’m fine” every time. She didn’t want to push him, so she waited for him to talk about what’s bothering him.

One evening after eating dinner, the husband said he wanted to talk about their relationship. Before he could say anything though, he started crying. He cried for a few minutes and then told her he’s gay. The girl filed for divorce and after the divorce was settled, she wasn’t mad at him anymore, so she went to see him and forgave him. They became good friends and she helped him become comfortable with his sexuality. She even helped him come out to his close friends and then to his family.

Five years later, the girl is now engaged to another man and expecting their first child. Her ex-husband is now very happily married to a man for almost a year now.

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6. Meeting Expectations

My wife started to feel “trapped” just a few months into our marriage—as in, my expectation of monogamy was too much for her to handle. So she discovered polyamory, decided that she wanted to be polyamorous with her boss, and retroactively decided that our marriage was an open one. She was pretty surprised when I divorced her.

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7. The Family That Lies Together Stays Together

My sister and her husband met each other during our junior year of high school, and she moved in with him halfway through our senior year. I never liked him and did not hide that fact. I especially didn’t like him after he hit on me while they were dating. Didn’t hide that fact either, but my sister brushed me off. Before he popped the question, she found out he’d been texting other girls.

He promised he’d change. The wedding was a train wreck. It was a small affair in our family back yard, with our aunt officiating. That same aunt started crying midway through the ceremony. My stepmother read a poem about them she wrote halfway through the ceremony—she always wants to be the center of attention.

The groom’s drunken father, who had been barred from the wedding, came stumbling in at some point during the vows to search for alcohol, and I saw the groom grab one of the bridesmaids’ bottoms. I didn’t point that out to my deliriously happy stepsister. I regret it to this day. A year later it turned out the groom had been cheating on my sister….with our stepmom.

My sister somehow forgave both of them. She has low self-esteem. They got caught again a year after that. At that point, my dad had divorced my stepmother, so I have been distant from this whole shebang. But my sister—who I do still talk to—finally divorced that jerk. Divorce for everyone! Let’s pull an Oprah.

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8. A Slight Change Of Plans

A relative of mine was forced into a shotgun wedding because he accidentally got his girlfriend pregnant. Then the bride had a miscarriage, so they got a divorce a month later.

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9. Hands Off!

I knew it was over the day after we got married when he slapped me across the face (hard and completely out of the blue). No argument, no conversation leading up to it, nothing. He said it wasn’t that hard of a hit, he was just kidding around, and I was being overdramatic. He had never gotten violent with me while dating, but as soon as we got married it was like a switch flipped and he was a COMPLETELY different person. It got worse very quickly, and I ended up filing for divorce 73 days after we got married.

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10. Someone Took Their “Best Man” Duties Too Seriously…

Years ago, I was part of a wedding where the bride was actually fairly reasonable considering her biological father showed up very drunk, the preacher got sick, there was a storm that knocked out all the power to the church; her aunt and mother-in-law fought the entire time, two relatives wore white—with veils—in the audience, and the catering company was late. But really, that was just the beginning of the nightmare.

The groom was the one who lost his mind. He insisted on a Scottish-themed wedding of sorts, but it wasn’t authentic Scottish, more like a fantasy version of Braveheart. Some of the groomsmen apparently refused to wear “a dress” (tartans), so he threw them out of the wedding only hours before, including his best man.

He then switched his best man to his soon to be brother-in-law, who had a Mohawk and face piercings. This 17-year-old BIL was pretty stoked, but not taking it seriously, and goofing around with a decorative sword until he accidentally hit the bride in the back of the head. She said she was fine, but she was so, so wrong. 

When it came time for the couple to get into a limo (that, by the way, didn’t show up), the bride got into a guest’s Buick. That’s when somebody realized that the back of her wedding dress was stained with a hefty amount of blood. It turned out that being whacked by the sword had actually cut into the back of her scalp.

She got patched up and went on to her honeymoon suite, but apparently the bride and groom had such a big fight that the bride packed her stuff and stayed at her maid of honor’s house. The next morning, she came back, and everyone just kind of blamed it on her head wound. But that’s not even the craziest part: The marriage ended three years later. But not just because of their fighting: the groom ended sleeping with that brother-in-law and came out of the closet.

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11. Hard Pass

Got invited to a wedding of an ex-girlfriend. There was one of those cheesy dollar dance things where bride and groom shake down the crowd for more money. Fine, I suck it up and dance with the ex for a fiver. Then she whispers something that made my blood run cold. “This should have been you.” Freak-out time. I left very quickly after that. Needless to say, they headed to divorce court a few months later.

RarelySmart

12. Guys, Really?

My cousin and her first husband got divorced after about a month because one of them lived in Houston and the other in Dallas, and they had never really agreed to how they were going to deal with that little problem. I’m sure there were other things going on behind the scenes too, but that was the official story.

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13. Holiday Fling

I was blindsided. We lived together for a year, about an hour from my hometown. We relocated, upon her request, to my hometown prior to our marriage so that when we had kids, we’d be close to family. We had a house we loved, a dog we loved, jobs we both loved—or so I thought. We got married in October.

Less than a year later, she went to visit her sister over the Labor Day weekend, and I couldn’t attend due to work. She came back the Tuesday after Labor Day and told me she’s living a lie and someone else’s dream, so she needs a divorce. I had no idea. Our divorce was finalized in January. She married someone her sister was friends with, who she met on that trip I was unable to attend in September.

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14. Oh. My. Gosh.

I worked the most amazing wedding ever! The marriage didn’t last 6 hours! I was bartending for the reception. Everything seemed pretty typical and standard as guests arrived, drank, and conversed—until the best man finished his speech and the food began to be served. The groom grabbed the mic after the best man’s toast and wished everyone a great night and a nice meal.

That’s when everything fell apart.

After his well wishes, he asked for the attention of his best man and bride. He told them that he knew they were hooking up behind his back for the entirety of the engagement, and that he would be filing for an annulment on Monday. He thanked everyone for coming, and apologized to the father of the bride saying, “I would have called it off weeks ago, but I figured you would be way more mad at your little princess when you couldn’t get out of the bill for the reception.”

He turned to his wife and said, “Screw you”, then turned to his best friend and said, “From what I overheard–I’m better in bed!” Mic dropped—groom out the door—absolute chaos. Me and my fellow bartender looked on in amazement. We had to go into the kitchen to die of laughter.

Awkward Wedding factsPixabay

15. (Don’t) Meet the Parents!

We grew up on a ranch. My brother’s girlfriend came from the city, but during visits to the ranch, she would dive right in, helping our mom around the house and participating in all the stuff we did—horseback riding, ATVs, etc. She claimed (and appeared) to love it. My brother was so happy his city gal was compatible with the ranch lifestyle he grew up in, even though he was working in the city and their life would be in the city, but he just loved that she was able to connect with him that way and more importantly, with his family.

They dated for about 18 months, made many visits to the ranch, and all seemed well. She insisted that she wanted to have her wedding at my parent’s home, and my folks went all out, had both families there, and everyone had a great time. The next morning, we had a send-off breakfast for the couple, and they headed to the airport for their honeymoon.

My mom and the bride’s mom were visiting later, and the bride’s mom mentioned she’s glad my mom had no hard feelings that her daughter and my brother would no longer be coming out to the ranch. My mom’s jaw dropped.  She was like, “What do you mean?” Bride’s mom said, “Oh, I thought ‘Laura’ told you that having the wedding here was her gift to you to have your son home one last time with all his family here.”

My mom went as white as a sheet. We all were stunned. We were confused as to whether my brother knew this, and more importantly, had agreed to it. My other brother (who had his own history of family drama) texted our big bro saying, “Is it true that this is your last time visiting mom and dad?” And big bro texted back, “what are you talking about?” Middle bro said, “Ask your new wife.”

Needless to say, the honeymoon never happened. It turned out that his wife had been hiding her belief that that man leaves his family behind and becomes part of the woman’s family. It was fully her intent to never visit my parents again, to spend all holidays at her parents’ home, to have any future children only have relationships with her family, and on and on.

My brother literally had no idea these were her beliefs/desires. To this day I don’t know if she was evil or just clueless. They remained married for about a month until the divorce was final, but my bro never saw her again after the day-after-wedding-day.

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16. Blood Pudding, Anyone?

Marriage counselor here. Had a soldier stationed at Guantanamo Bay that met a local. Fell madly in love. They decided to get married so she could come with him back in the States once his tour was done. She was working on American dishes and was making spaghetti. He comes home from work one day, and she’s making it.

She puts the meat in, puts the canned sauce in, and then pulls an unlabeled bag out of the freezer and adds it to the sauce. At this point in the session, she’s wildly crying with broken Spanglish. She’s trying to explain she didn’t know any better. Through the hysteria, he explains the awful truth to me. Apparently her mother and grandmother told her if she wanted to keep her man, she needed to put her MENSTRUAL BLOOD in his food.

It was so hard to keep my composure. I was trying to hard not to gag. They both said that they were madly in love, but he couldn’t let it go. They ended up getting a divorce about a year after their wedding.

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17. No Double Dipping!

Beat this. I once saw a divorce go down on the same day as the wedding. I once went to a wedding where the bride got back at her cheating groom in the most ingenious way possible. In the final moments of a Jewish wedding, after the marriage was finalized and all official, the bride straight up runs into the crowd and says, “I’m divorcing my husband for sleeping with my sister!” Here’s why this was great.

I’m not Jewish, but apparently, once you’re married in that faith, the bride or groom cannot marry or remarry someone related to the previous wife or something like that. So, this bride not only publicly humiliated her cheating groom and her sister by outing them. She also sealed the fact that they can never ever be together. Mic dropped.

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18. Well, Someone Clearly Miscalculated Something…

One friend’s recent marriage abruptly ended after her husband had an unsolicited outburst at a family dinner, in which he shouted out “I KNOW THAT YOU GUYS KNOW I DO DRUGS! AND YOU ALL NEED TO GET THE HECK OFF MY BACK ABOUT IT!” Turns out, his wife had not known that; nor had her dad, or anybody else in her family. That is, at least until now!

ThaiJohnnyDepp

19. A Slightly Important Detail to Leave Out…

Years and years ago, my uncle’s girlfriend planned a wedding for the two of them, sent out invitations to all of their friends and family members, and then didn’t even bother to tell him about it until the week of. As in, he was not even aware that they were getting married, let alone that everything had already been planned and arranged.

I don’t remember the whole story about what made her decide to do this, but he ended up going through with the ceremony just to avoid the embarrassment. He then quietly got the marriage annulled and broke up with her immediately after.

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20. I Quit!

My dad got back from his honeymoon, with his first wife, and went back to work. He came home and something felt off when he walked in through the door. She wasn’t there when he got home from work, which was very odd for her since she got off work earlier than him and was always home when he got back.

When she got back, he mentioned that it was out-of-the-ordinary that she had been out and asked if she went somewhere. He wasn’t accusatory, just curious because it never happened, but she dodged his questions at first. Eventually after he got suspicious of her dodging a simple question, she admitted that she’d quit her job, and when he asked why, she said she didn’t need to work.

So, she was planning on using him as her cash cow. He doesn’t remember how the conversation went exactly since it was 30 years ago. He tried counselling and asked her to get her job back, but she always brushed him off and never took him seriously. He threw in the towel seven months later and she started trying to fix things, but it had been seven months of him trying to fix things and she had shown no interest.

He filed for divorce and went on to achieve his lifelong dream: he dated and then married his middle school crush, my mom. They are now 28 years strong.

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21. Getting Straight to the Point

I know two couples who got married for the sole purpose of being able to have sex with each other, since they were both very religious and didn’t believe in premarital relations. Both marriages lasted a combined one year.

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22. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

When I was in the army, my wife and I were good friends with a newlywed couple that lived a few doors down from us. One day, I got home from work to find the guy sitting on his front door step. I said, “Hey!” He said, “Dude, you gotta come see this.” So I walked into his house, and it was completely empty. There was not even a single scrap of paper or a bag of trash.

To make things even weirder, every single cabinet door was open, as was every refrigerator door and every drawer. If it was supposed to be closed, it was open. He said that the front door was wide open when he got home, and every faucet was turned on, too. There was no note or anything whatsoever. His wife was just gone without a trace, and everything in their house was gone with her.

Strangely enough, my wife and I had just dinner with them, at their house, the very night before. We were all laughing it up, drinking wine, and having a great time, with not even the remotest sign of anything being wrong. He said that the first thing he did after making this discovery was to call her parents’ house.

As soon as the phone rang, her father answered the phone and—before the poor guy could even ask if he knew anything about what was going on—he just said: “Bill, you need to let it go,” and hung up on him. Remember that line from True Lies when Tom Arnold says that his ex-wife even took the ice cube trays? Well, this girl really did take the ice cube trays.

She also took all of his uniforms and other clothes. He literally only had the clothes on his back and whatever was in his pockets at the time to his name. I never did find out what the motivator was; she was just gone forever.

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23. Don’t Shoot The Messenger

Just to warn everybody, this one is kind of messed up. It happened to a friend of mine. We were both deployed to Okinawa. My friend married his girl prior to the deployment. Then, he found out mid-deployment that she had cheated on him. Now, finding out about something like that is bad enough as it is—but the way my friend found out about this was the part that was the most messed up.

He had checked his Facebook messages one day and suddenly saw a message from some dude that he didn’t know. The guy straight up told him that he had slept with his wife. Apparently, she had never told him that she was married and, when he eventually added her on Facebook, he realized that she was married to my friend.

After making this discovery, he felt so guilty about the whole thing that he decided he had to message my friend and let him know. My friend wasted no time and divorced her while still in Oki. I’m not even sure how that was legally possible, but I definitely remember him doing some kind of legal paperwork the very next day after getting the messages—so I guess he found a way.

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24. Burning It Up

My cousin got married last April and I only went because my parents were going, and I had nothing better to do that weekend (also, free bar). I got to watch her set her bouquet, the white carpet, and the groom’s pants on fire mid-ceremony because he had spiked his hair wrong. The best part was that the minister just kept reading the vows as it all went down. Eventually, they got it all under control and the two said their I Dos. The divorce finalized a couple of days ago.

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25. The Joke’s On You!

Some friends of mine who had been dating for a few months got married in Las Vegas as sort of a drunken joke. The girl then found out that she would lose a lot of her trust fund if she got married. A gaggle of four lawyers were flown in and got a very quick retroactive annulment on her behalf. The marriage lasted a total of a whopping four days, although legally it was declared to have never happened at all. They dated for three more years after this incident, and then eventually broke up.

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26. There’s Always Collateral Damage To Marital Strife

My dad and his second wife did not even make it a full four months before she left and I never saw or heard from her again. She said that she was going to give me an old Nintendo 64 for my birthday. She never did…

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27. Who Are You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Own Eyes?

Go to the gym, no headphones! That’s cool, house is five minutes away. Pull up in front of my house and see work buddy’s car out front. Walk in house through open garage. Walk to stairs to hear moans and movement. My heart started pounding. Up to this point I had suspected the worst but never had proof.

Knew I had to go look and catch her or she would say I was overreacting and tell me it wasn’t what I thought. Walk upstairs and hear them in the spare bedroom. Walk in the room and say “well this is awkward.” They freak out and try to grab clothes and tell me nothing is happening.

I walk out to my car and have ex-buddy chase me out and tell me to hit him. I go to my command the next day. Report him and have the command force him to call his wife that day and let her know. I am now divorced and much happier!

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28. Err…Living In Denial Much?

My sister didn’t see anything wrong with her husband moving to another state, leaving her to stay at my parents’ house, and only seeing him when she flew to visit (he was in the army). She didn’t see a problem when girls would post Instagram and Facebook photos of her husband completely drunk at a party when he told her he was at work.

She didn’t see a problem when he made huge purchases (a sports car, a four-wheeler) that they couldn’t afford without telling her. She also didn’t see a problem when he told her she should get breast implants. Nope, never saw a problem. She didn’t realize it was a mistake until he sent her divorce papers. They were married less than a year.

I for one wasn’t surprised. I tried to tell her a marriage that started with a proposal when both parties were in relationships with DIFFERENT PEOPLE was doomed to fail but she didn’t listen.

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29. The Big Problems Start Out Small

My cousin had a rather extravagant wedding at an upscale golf course. I didn’t really want to go because I knew he’d hooked up with a friend in our group  when he was engaged to the bride. But family pressure and an open bar persuaded me, and I’m darn glad I went. I knew it was going to be good when the girl he cheated with was there.

Anyway, we have a few drinks at the bar and head to our seats for the ceremony. Apparently, the girl he’d messed around with had gotten pretty wasted because at the moment of truth she yells, “I object your honor, that man’s parts are too small to satisfy; he is unfit for marriage!” like it was a court case. Everyone went silent for a second, and then I looked over at my buddy and we burst out laughing our butts off.

Bride was furious and slapped groom. They both cried, but after a brief break and conversation they decided to go through with it! Unsurprisingly they’re getting divorced after a solid two-year marriage…

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30. Off To A Great Start

My husband decided to start having an affair within three months of our marriage. I found out about six months later. He still maintains that he did absolutely nothing wrong, because he had just thought that it would be long over before I ever found out. Oh, and we had a 6-month-old baby at the time. What a catch of a man! I started the divorce proceedings at the first possible moment after waiting the one-year minimum.

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31. Red Alert!

A friend of mine had been married about six weeks. She had just moved in when they returned from the honeymoon, and she was rearranging furniture, organizing closets and doing other such chores one day while he was at work. She started pulling some of his boxes down from a closet shelf to make room for her things. Suddenly, a box fell down accidentally. Its contents were utterly disturbing.

It was filled with hundred of explicit photos. Even worse, they were of kids. She divorced her new husband immediately and reported him to the military police (they were both in the military).

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32. A Golden Opportunity

I’ve been aching to tell this story for a while. So, this girl I went to school with marries this rich guy from Ohio. She moves in with him and they seem to get along well. Six months later, she files for divorce. Up to that point, all I’ve heard from her was how good it was going. But that’s when I learned his dirty little secret. 

It turns out our buddy had a thing where he got off on urine. He asked her to urinate on him in the tub. At first, she agrees to it as she thought it was a one-time thing. But he kept asking for it more and more. She tried to decline it respectfully, but he wouldn’t get any of the hints. She finally used the tub being too small as a reason.

The next day, she comes home with two dozen construction guys and their heavy equipment tearing the bathroom walls. A week or so later, they finish up the bathroom. She comes home to a sign left on the fridge with a note to drink up, she got some watering to do. I don’t know what exactly she put down as the official reason in the paperwork but that was a doozy.

NamelessTag

33. The Heart Knows What It Wants

I knew something was off before the wedding. I even made a joke the night before that worst case I get divorced right? Kudos to my Pops. He said if I wanted to, we could just say call it off, but I thought I was being irrational. A year later I left my ex and never went back. On our one-year anniversary I wasn’t putting out fast enough, so he tried to assault me, changed his mind, then threw me into a wall. Lots of emotional abuse before then and there was a lot of gaslighting.

So, lesson learned. But that was a lot of years ago. I got divorced, went back to school to get my degree and got counselling. Now I’m married again. This time I didn’t have any second thoughts at any point. Marrying my current partner is the best decision I ever made. I felt I had to add the happy ending here.

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34. The Vengeful Groom

The church service was absolutely beautiful and the reception was near perfect. After the speeches to the bride and groom, the bride spoke in appreciation for all friends, family, and her new husband. The Groom was last to speak. He thanked everyone for being so good to them. Then he apologized for what was coming next.

He explained that the night before, his bride slept with his best man and that he was filing for annulment immediately. He also explained that he felt it best to proceed with the wedding while he made his final decision. He also suggested that the father of the bride, who paid significant amounts towards their wedding, hold both his daughter and the best man financially responsible. Then he walked out.

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35. The Price Of Admission

One of my friends from college filed for divorce just 10 months after her wedding. They were never really a good match for one another, and everyone except for the two of them was always able to see that from a mile away. Honestly? I think that she just wanted to have a wedding and be a “princess for a day” in front of all her family and friends. Once she realized that she actually had to then keep the guy around, she quickly started having second thoughts.

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36. Cheapest Skate

I’m a lawyer. My most dramatic case was a woman who was divorcing her husband because he discovered he could talk to the dead on their honeymoon, and then later spent all their money on spiritualist groups. But that wasn’t even what made it dramatic. During the divorce, the woman left the house while the husband stayed back.

At some point her husband approached her and claimed that as he was letting the house fall into ruin, it would be better for both of them if he sold the house and split the proceeds with her. She agreed to this without consulting her lawyer. A few weeks later, the husband gave her $5.00. She asked what it was for. It was her share of the house.

He’d sold it to his sister for $10.00 and kept living there. When the wife went to complain to her lawyers, she found they’d done the conveyancing for him. He’d deliberately used his wife’s divorce lawyers and nobody at the firm had realized.

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37. A Honeymoon They’ll Never Forget

A relative of mine had a marriage that lasted for less than three weeks. They had been together for a couple of years and had even gone to premarital counseling at their church for a few months to get ready for the big change. Their wedding was super lavish and it was clear to everyone that a lot of prep and money had gone into it.

At their wedding, they announced that they were expecting their first child. Everything seemed great. Unfortunately, the whole thing blew up as soon as the wife discovered that he had been cheating on her for almost their entire relationship, and with multiple different women. She found this out while in a foreign country on their honeymoon, four months pregnant. I know from her mom that she had complications in her pregnancy that they attribute to the stress of all of this.

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38. Outted By Pie

A friend of mine was married to this guy for six months. He seemed like a nice guy. He had a violent history and spent a few years in jail, but she claimed he had changed. After six months, she learned that she was so, so wrong. He threw a knife at her because she didn’t want him to eat a pie she had just baked. Later, she learned that he was also regularly poisoning her dog. The dog survived and is fine, but the marriage, not so much.

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39. Worth It For The Souvenir

My marriage lasted just a little over a year. I’m a soldier, and I had married my girlfriend of four years right before getting deployed. She didn’t have any job or hobby to keep herself busy while I was gone. Unfortunately, she ended up getting into drugs during that period of time, and then I got her pregnant during my two week leave in the middle of the deployment.

She felt so trapped by all of this pressure that she had talked me into agreeing to give up our child for adoption once she was born. I was so blindly in love with her that I would have agreed to darn near anything that she suggested. What a colossal mistake. She ended up leaving me a week after our daughter was born and canceling the adoption, taking our child back from the adopting parents.

To make a long story short, she then soon got back into drugs—which I’m pretty sure she wasn’t on while pregnant with our daughter—and had two more kids with whoever her dealer was at the time. After a while, Child Protective Services ended up stepping in and giving me full custody of my daughter.

Not a day goes by when I don’t look at my daughter and wonder what in the world I was thinking when I agreed to my wife’s original plans. I’m so glad to have this wonderful, crazy, little girl in my life.

Nabeshein

40. I Guess She Saw It Coming

My former next-door neighbor got married not too long ago. Less than two months later, she moved out and said that he was abusive and a drunk. Then, just a couple of weeks later, he shot and killed their new neighbor through his front door after an escalating feud involving the neighbor’s dog allegedly getting shot by a bow and arrow.

jjpearson

41. An Italian Affair—Or Not

Honestly, before we even got married but there was a great deal of denial and fear surrounding the relationship, and we thought of ending it months before the wedding. HOWEVER, there was a definitive moment when I realized this was not the man for me. About three weeks into our honeymoon we had been traveling through the British Isles and had finally made it to Italy. I really wanted to stay in a remote village and be immersed, he did not. We settled on Florence.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely there but it’s extremely touristy and I didn’t feel like I was getting the full cultural experience in a big city like that. I asked our host at the Bed and Breakfast, what their favorite restaurant was, something only locals knew about. The sweet man drew me a little map and even told me it would look closed and was very small and had very specific hours, which he wrote down for me.

The next day, after some searching we found it in an ally way off the beaten path. It was like a dream come true. Only Italians, no English translations on the menu, no couple from Florida at the table next to us. It was packed and smelled so amazing. They squeezed us in on a tiny table, got us menus and said what I imagine was, we’ll be back in a bit. I was awestruck, finally feeling like I was in my home country (I’m of Italian descent and every American Italian dreams of visiting Italy).

For the first time since landing I truly felt like I was in Italy. Then I felt my stomach drop as my husband looked at me and said: “this is too cramped. I can’t eat here.” I looked back at him and he just got up and walked out. I had to hold back tears realizing that he just walked out on me when I had found the happiest place on our honeymoon.

The waitress came over confused and I just apologized as I stammered out of the restaurant. Embarrassed and heartbroken knowing this was not the kind of man I wanted to share experiences with. I knew at that moment I had made a huge mistake.

reddoesntcare

42. Not An Easy Mistake To Make

Was a bridesmaid in a wedding. At the reception, we couldn’t locate the groom for the first dance. We fanned out to search for him. I found him… in an intimate position… with his 2nd cousin. His excuse: he was drunk and thought it was his new wife…even though she was in a bright red dress. The marriage didn’t last long.

govzombie

43. Sunburnt And Stupid!

We dated for five years but on the honeymoon we had a big argument over my liberal use of sunscreen. She refused to wear any because of ‘chemicals’ and I liberally use it due to my pale skin. We seriously argued over this for a good hour and she refused to even go into the pool with me because of sunscreen chemicals.

After a scuba adventure together, she could hardly walk because she got so burnt on her legs whereas my skin didn’t change. She then tried to convince me that it was all my fault because I didn’t force her to wear the sunscreen and that the honeymoon was ruined! It was then I realized I picked the wrong person.

After a few more psycho arguments (mad at me because of something in her dreams, mad because I didn’t remind her to bring an umbrella) I had to call it quits. I can’t stay with someone who constantly blames me for their own problems. Luckily no kids and I got back everything I brought into the marriage.

fukenhimer

44. Hogging The Attention

I used to work at a wedding venue. At one wedding, the groom was from Arkansas, and the bride had specifically asked that there be no “Call of the Hogs” during the wedding speech. For those who don’t know, “Call of the Hogs” is a traditional cheer that’s popular at the University of Arkansas, and it has become a fairly common custom for many alumni to perform the cheer at their weddings.

In spite of the bride’s clear request to the contrary, one of the groomsmen proceeded to do the cheer during the ceremony anyway. The bride was absolutely furious and started storming back towards the bridal party. Before she was able to make it away, her would-be husband slapped her across the face in front of everybody, and said that they were going to be getting this marriage annulled the next morning. Honestly, she might have not dodged the slap, but she definitely dodged a bullet.

PuntingMuffCuts

45. Not What He Signed Up For

When I worked at a college, I saw this one couple get married because the girl was pregnant and she wanted to have the baby in wedlock. They quickly got an annulment three months later when the baby was born a different color than either of his parents…

goblinmarketeer

46. You Make Me Feel So Young

My next door neighbor got married when she was 19 years old, and got divorced when she was 20. Her parents had gotten divorced while she was dating the guy, and so she moved in with him a couple of months into the relationship. They had been together for less than a year before they decided to tie the knot.

Super young couples together for such short periods of time almost never work out. She didn’t learn her lesson though, because she got engaged to someone else barely a year later. Not surprisingly, though, they called it off and broke up before actually getting married in the end. Sadly, that’s actually the happy story of their family.

Her younger sister got pregnant at 16 to a guy in his 30s, and then a couple of years later got pregnant by him again and married him. He’s currently in prison for statutory assault of a 13-year-old. It happened while they were together, but they’re still married with two children and she defends him on social media all the time.

Magonus

47. He Can Take It, But He Can’t Dish It Out

A guy and a girl met on vacation and had a brief romance, then decided to keep it long distance for the next few years. There were a ton of red flags right from the start, but it all got exponentially worse the second they got married and moved in together just a few months ago. Basically, he didn’t do anything around the house, and he also didn’t work—she earned all of the money and paid for all of his stuff.

Oh and it gets even worse. On top of that, he then squandered her money on a regular basis, even when she specifically asked him not to. She actually had to put a limit on his phone contract at one point because he just would not take any of her requests seriously. I don’t think he had planned to leech on her, I think he’s just an inconsiderate jerk.

They’re currently waiting it out because she’s too nice to send him back, but I have a strong feeling that this guy won’t be around too much longer…

IncrediblePlatypus

48. Unfore-Sea-able

Back in the early 1980s, I was engaged to a young lady three years my junior and had a bit more than $20,000 in savings. Everything looked promising with a new career in the Army and a new family life. The wedding went off without a hitch. I was looking at a vacation of about three months between exiting the Navy and entering training for the Army.

But when my recruiter contacted me over my security clearance, things went south. My credit report did not match my questionnaire. There were three credit cards with a $14,000 balance I hadn’t mentioned. Turned out my wife opened up a charge card at our bank, then got a couple of store cards around town.

She purchased some serious clothes and jewelry, but the real kicker was that she bought a horse. She took lessons as a child and decided this was going to be her new thing. There was the price of the animal, riding gear, saddle and tack, vet bills, stable fees, and so on. I ended up dumping a big chunk of my savings into paying down these cards, then amending my questionnaire responses.

I treated this as a bump in our relationship, but things got dark very soon. My ship date was coming up and things had to be done before I started training. I was in good physical shape, but I was facing Boot camp, AIT, Airborne school, ranger school, warrant officer selection and advance training—basically 18 months of utter insanity.

If I got through it, I was a Warrant Officer, but if I dropped the ball along the way, I would not only be enlisted, but junior enlisted in a job they would decide for me. In theory, I could end up a line cook in some chow hall at Camp NoWhere. About a week later, the phone rang. It was about the horse.

No one was taking care of the animal or cleaning the stable, or even feeding the poor thing. The stable had covered down for the sake of the animal, but now were charging $350 a week for the extra services my wife was supposed to be doing. She was leaving our apartment every day, and I assumed it was for riding and care of the animal, and for the first week she was.

The second week, she was lawyer shopping. She wanted out. She must have gotten wind of what happened at the stable and didn’t come home that night. The next day I got served with papers. Total marriage time: 47 days.So, I ended up with an apartment with four months on the lease, no car, and a horse.

I found a new home for the horse. I had to defer my ship date and it took 14 months to settle the divorce. My security clearance was approved two days after the papers were filed. I shipped the next day. In the end, I had two pair of pants, three shirts and a pair of shoes that had no business on anyone’s feet.

I was working two minimum wage jobs, 14 hours a day, paying down debt, lawyers fees, rent and sometimes eating only to get by. In Airborne school, I met a cadet. We’d get together on holidays, between training, long weekends. When I finished training and got my warrant, she flew across the country to give me my first salute.

I gave her a silver dollar as per tradition. Two months later, she received her commission, to which I saluted her, and returned the silver dollar. Married that Christmas. We’ve been together 31 years.

Seeing-in-digital

49. Things Are Seldom As They Seem

One week, a couple of friends of mine seemed like the perfect, happily married newlyweds. Then, next thing I know, the wife has shared a pic of herself on the beach in a wedding dress being lifted in the air by some Goth-looking long-haired dude, described in the caption as her new groom. No idea what happened.

DarthContinent

50. A Matter Of Time

I was a groomsman at a wedding two years ago. The bride and groom had been together for right around four years. They decided to write their own vows. The groom went through his. They were sweet as anything. He is a really great dude. The wife decided that during the vows is the appropriate time to let him, and everyone else know, that he would soon be a father.

Everyone was crying and hugging. It was a pretty cool moment. Everything was going great up until a point in the reception where the bride was talking to a friend of hers, telling her how excited she was to be having a girl. Somehow, no one caught her mistake—except the groom, who got up, threw his drink at the wall, and shattered it.

Called his new wife stupid and told her she was a cheating witch and stormed out. The bride started crying and swore she never cheated on him and couldn’t believe he was ruining their special day. The other groomsmen and I ran outside to see what was up with him. Then it hit all of us at the same time. She was 16 weeks pregnant…and he had only been home from Afghanistan for eight weeks.

She didn’t think that anyone would catch that and was somehow going to try and convince her husband they were having the baby early when the time came. I have not heard much from him or her since the wedding, but it was heavily rumored that the pregnancy was a result of a one-night stand with one of my buddy’s cousins.

Yeah, they’re now getting divorced.

morphineseason

51. Dream Wedding, Nightmare Marriage

My husband’s first marriage lasted six months. He found out she had been sleeping around with several of his friends and one of those friends finally felt so guilty that he fessed up. My husband actually wanted to work it out if he could, but when he tried to talk to her about it, she locked him out of the house and told him she wanted a divorce.

He finally asked her, “Why did you marry me?” Her response was so disturbing, it’s impossible to forget. She said it was because he was the only one she was sleeping with who could afford her dream wedding. Yup, the woman married him because she wanted a wedding and she just chose the person who could afford it.

FiendishCurry

52. The Least Wonderful Time Of The Year

My friend married this woman after years of dating. They had only been married for about six months when, on their first Christmas as husband and wife, he bought her a present and she got him nothing in return. Later that night, she left their house without an explanation and didn’t come back until the next morning.

Apparently, she had made an account on some dating site earlier that day, met a guy, and slept with him that same night. She came clean to my friend the next day, and that was the end of their six-month marriage.

arcant12

53. A Very Worldly Woman

A girl who I went to high school with has four kids from her first marriage. They got divorced when they were in their early 40s, and she then decided that she wanted to get married again. She wanted a religious family man, and she somehow became convinced that Nigeria was the place to go to find that kind of a person.

So, she starts chatting up Nigerian guys all over Facebook. When she finally found one that she liked, she arranged to fly over there. She then actually went through with marrying this random guy she had only ever spoken to a couple of times through social media via her Facebook husband search.

After a few months of her sending money to him upon her return home, she is unable to afford to do so one month because she has four kids to worry about. He freaks out, and they wind up getting their marriage annulled. But wait! There’s MORE! A year later, she’s on her way back to Nigeria again because she has found another guy to marry online.

This time, she goes over there once to visit, comes home, and then basically tells the guy, “I am not giving you any money until we have been married for a year.” She goes back over again within six months to marry him. A month after getting home, she finds out that she’s pregnant. All is well, but she now realizes that she will not be able to send him any money, because she now has four kids to take care of, as well as TWINS along the way.

He gets upset and they quickly wind up divorced. She later finds out that he had been chatting up other women from around the world online, and getting money from all of them, the entire time that they were together. She also found out that he was only planning to use her to get a Green Card so he could move to the United States. I honestly don’t feel bad for her.

I do, however, feel bad for her six kids who have had to witness their mom repeatedly making such outrageous and stupid decisions. I have no idea how the heck she was able to afford all of those expensive plane tickets halfway across the world. Either way, she has since given up on her grand Nigeria strategy. Instead, she now has her sights set on Jamaica. So, I am pretty sure that, before too long, we’ll all be invited to see a shotgun wedding in Jamaica. Can’t wait!

tordenvaer

54. He Has Got to Go

A friend got divorced about a year ago. His crazy ex, who he’d only married a few months ago, didn’t want my friend to show up in court because he would contest and then they’d have to split the assets. The girl actually phoned me and told me to put laxatives in his food so he wouldn’t be able to make it there.

Tixxybean22

55. His Bark Was Bigger Than Her Bite

My uncle had married someone after just three months of dating them. He had two dogs and two cats. On their first day living together, she demanded that he get rid of the dogs and replace them with two new ones of her choosing. They were divorced within two weeks.

permalink

56. Going All Out, Without Being All In

My neighbor’s daughter got married and threw a huge wedding day bash for everyone that she knew to attend. She spent a total of about 50 to 70 thousand dollars on the event. Then, not even two weeks later, she got divorced. She had been cheating on her husband throughout the engagement, but still wanted to experience her “special day.”

I heard later on that she had asked her mom whether she would actually have to live with her husband after they got married. That definitely should have raised some red flags.

TheBoBReaper

57. Having Second Thoughts

I’m not sure how long it took for the divorce to technically be complete, but I once went to a wedding where the bride didn’t go home with the groom afterward. There wasn’t any cheating, she had just decided over the course of the evening that she didn’t actually want to be a military wife and live that kind of potentially hectic lifestyle.

They were together since long before he enlisted, so I think that part of it was that she just wasn’t ready to move away from her family. It did suck, though, that she waited until that day to finally tell anyone about how she felt.

karethon

58. Making Some Repairs

A friend of mine bought a house in a small town with his new wife, and he continued to commute one hour each way to work in the nearest city. She worked part-time in the small town. Around the 10-month mark of their marriage, she cheated on him with a local mechanic. That was about five years ago. She’s still with the mechanic to this day, but he doesn’t want to commit. Given her track record though, maybe a commitment wouldn’t be as big a deal as he thinks.

youmeanthatwimpydeer

59. ‘Til Debt (Paid) Do Us Part

These people didn’t even make it down the aisle in the first place. A person in the bride’s group chat got into a big fight with the bride on the day of the wedding. She ended up getting a brutal revenge. The guest sent the groom’s father a bunch of horrifying screenshots. In them, the bride admitted that she was planning on divorcing the groom after he paid off all her student debts and bought a house, so that she could get the property in a divorce.

The bride tried to deny it, but I guess the groom had suspicions that she was just using him already. After he saw the proof, he called the wedding off. My friend, who invited me as her plus one, was super embarrassed, but I was thoroughly entertained.

LuLuCheng

60. Keeping up Appearances

My cousin married a pregnant woman. Almost immediately after she gave birth, she divorced my cousin and told everyone that he was abusive to her—but I’m pretty sure we all knew that she just didn’t want anyone to know that she had gotten knocked up out of wedlock by someone other than my cousin.

zedsterthegr8

61. A Sudden Change Of Heart

We had friends from way back when who moved back to their home state. They were on Facebook, but did not post updates very often. One day, there was suddenly a photo of her marrying someone else. Apparently, she had told her first husband (who was totally clueless) that she wanted a divorce just a few months after they got married, and then she was suddenly remarried to someone new less than a month later.

They had been middle school sweethearts. They got married right after high school. He joined the military and she was going to follow him around the world. Then, seemingly completely out of the blue, it all just changed one day as if none of that had ever happened. Apparently, she wanted to live a stable life and had had enough of the stress of the military, even after such a short time.

AgentElman

62. Too Much To Handle

My ex-wife and I lasted about seven years together, but her first marriage to someone else had ended pretty much right at the one year mark. They were both 19 years old and she was pregnant, so they got married and tried to make their life work on her husband’s $8-an-hour income—with her as a stay-at-home mom with no money, no car, and no friends in the same stage of life that she was in. Day in and day out, the stress drove them apart until they just couldn’t take it anymore and got divorced.

KMApok

63. Thinking Ahead Is Always A Good Idea

A relative of mine got married, and then got divorced a mere six months later. It turns out that they had never seriously discussed whether or not they wanted children prior to getting married. One adamantly wanted children and the other adamantly didn’t. This single issue completely drove them apart. They were together as a couple for three or four whole years before getting married, and somehow never managed to even discuss this a single time.

Keebs-

64. At Least They Had One Thing In Common

In this case, the actual legal divorce is still in progress due to some visa issues. Nevertheless, for all intents and purposes, the relationship between two newlyweds that I know fell apart within the first nine months. Basically, they got married and everything was fine at first. Then, about a month later, she began to get weirdly quiet around him and started acting like she didn’t want to be with him after all.

One thing led to another and, a few months later, he told her that he now thinks of her as more of a sister than a wife. So, I guess they both realized that they didn’t actually love each other after all. That’s always fun…

IncrediblePlatypus

65. Short But Sweet

A little different, but here goes. The love of my life and I were together on and off for 11 years, until we finally got married on our 11th anniversary. That was August 23. On December 22, she passed away in a car accident. The oddest part may be that my father had previously lost his wife on the exact same date when he was the same age as me. Either way, those few months that we were married for were the happiest days of my life.

Gustafer823

66. Over His Dead Body…Literally

One of the most blatant bad omens I’ve ever witnessed occurred at a wedding I attended. Just as the processional music started and the bride was about to enter, the groom’s great-uncle keeled over in the front pew and expired! After 45 minutes of futile CPR, they decided to continue with the wedding—complete with a priest who included the late great uncle in every prayer (“Lord, bless Jane and Jim…and Stanley….”). It was a bit of a downer, to say the least. The marriage didn’t last long.

WellLatteDa

67. The Groom Got Busy

A family friend’s daughter got pregnant accidentally, so the “happy” couple decided to get married. On the big day, the guests had congregated outside of the venue waiting for the wedding ceremony when all of a sudden, another woman barged in demanding to speak to the groom. When she started talking, our jaws hit the floor: She proclaimed that the groom had also gotten her pregnant!

Wide-eyed, we watched the drama move to behind closed doors while we all waited outside. After a whole lot of commotion, the wedding proceeded. It turned out that the other woman was right though, and the two babies were due within two weeks of each other. We quickly left the reception. Took some cake. It was good. The happy couple didn’t stay married long.

papapowng

68. Coming In Second Place

My ex had been previously engaged to a man with a terminal illness. They were together for many years, but he eventually broke it off “for her own good.” She was also abused by her father as a child, and there was a lot of baggage that came along with that too. We were very good friends in high school and reconnected again over 10 years later.

She was completely open with me about everything, so I knew was I was getting into when I started going out with her and when we eventually got married. With a broken heart, and a broken family, she found comfort in an old friend, and what I feel happened was that she mistook safety and normalcy for love. She was way out of my league by many standards, so I tried to give her everything that she could possibly need to make her happy.

Regardless of all that, she was dealing with a lot of mixed emotions. Because of her history with abuse, she very rarely enjoyed intimacy and so she always felt like she was letting me down as a wife. Even though I told her that I knew about this going in and never expected anything or pressured her one bit, she still couldn’t shake these negative feelings.

When she needed space, I gave her space. And when she needed somebody to talk to, she always knew that I was the person that she could come to—or, at least, she did at first. After a little while, she started to realize that I just didn’t have the history with her that her ex-fiancé had. So, she would begin to call him in the middle of the night for long heart to heart talks when he was at his third shift job.

At first, I tried to be understanding about it, but it hurt. A lot. I knew that she still loved him. We struggled, and even tried separating after a little bit. It was an emotional roller coaster. Things were looking like they were back on the way up when, while lying in bed one night, she asked me “Is it worth it?” I felt my heart drop.

She was referring to all of the ups and downs we had been through over the past year. I said, “Of course it is, I love you. And as long as we love each other enough, it’s worth it.” She looked back at me with a look of enormous guilt, and that was when I realized the horrible truth. She didn’t feel the same way. Not another word was said. I just got up and slept on the couch.

All in all, we’d been married for a little under a year. I left the next morning. That was eight years ago. I’ve been in a few relationships since, but I never remarried. I don’t know if I ever will, but as of right now I am still too emotionally damaged by all of this to even consider attempting to put myself out there like that again.

TryonB

69. Dump Him, Girl

At my wedding, I asked my husband to hold my bouquet whilst I gathered up my skirts to get into the car. He refused, with the excuse that he “wasn’t gay.” So, I awkwardly got into the car while holding both my skirt and the bouquet. Ten minutes later, my mum asked him, “Doesn’t she look beautiful?”

His reply broke my heart. He looked at me, shrugged, and said I looked “ok.” Both of those moments may as well have been red flags accompanied by sirens, and I felt my heart sinking with foreboding. It was 30 years ago, and I can still easily recall the feeling. Unfortunately, I was right and I left only 11 months later.

Daisy5915

70. Gone Too Soon

I had dated my girlfriend for a few years and eventually decided to move in together with her roommates. After living together for a little while, we finally got engaged. The same year that we did that, she got diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Our original plan was to get married during this upcoming summer, but her oncologist suggested that we move it up to a sooner date. We ended up getting married this past September. She passed away in December.

MandoSkirata

71. Fifteen Hours Of Fame

My cousin was married for only 18 hours, or something ridiculous like that. From what I understand from having heard her tell the story a few times, there was some kind of really apocalyptic argument on their wedding night over where they should go from there with their lives. This sounds too ridiculous to believe, but it’s all true.

The moral of the story appears to be that before you get married, you and your potential spouse should make sure that you both have at least a roughly compatible idea of what you’re looking for out of a marriage—you know, things like how many kids you want, when you want to have them, where you want to live, whether you both want to work, money issues, etc. I hate to break it to you, but none of that is stuff that can just work itself out magically over time.

hashcheckin

72. Willful Ignorance

The first warning sign happened before the wedding when my childhood friend introduced her new fiancé to our friend group. He failed to speak to anyone and had his eyes on his phone the whole night. Then during the wedding ceremony, our friend, who normally wears her heart on her sleeve and cries at the drop of a hat, was oddly unemotional, even through both of their personalized vows. She kept one eye on the camera and seemed to just be posing the whole time.

The couple also had the groom’s family’s Priest officiating the wedding—and I still can’t believe what he said. This Priest recited a long monologue during the ceremony about how the bride’s life’s purpose now was to make her husband happy and support him by staying home and being a dutiful wife.

This definitely hit a sour note, as the bride was the bread-winner at that time, and was helping to support both him and his parents. But when I spoke to his parents during the reception, they were gushing praises about what the priest had had to say. The marriage lasted about three months.

this-will-be-gone

73. At Least She Admits It

At the rehearsal dinner, the groom’s mom is in tears, because “he looks miserable” and he was, we all knew it. During the vows they had written for each other, the bride starts with “I know I can be a pretty terrible person, and I don’t know why you’ve stuck around, but that’s all going to change starting today!” They were divorced a year later.

vogelarcher15

74. Seriously?!

Less than a year into actively trying to get pregnant, my husband got discouraged, gave up and started staying out until 4:15am with his “coworker.” He posted selfies on her couch on snapchat and even went as far as asking her to marry him once he could get rid of me. He had two biological children (my step-children) that he abandoned at home with me while he was out doing this.

But that’s not even the worst part. The icing on the cake was that on my favorite holiday, while holding my brand-new baby nephew in front of his entire family, he told me he wanted a divorce. I was gone in two weeks, left everything to him, and vanished. New number, new address, everything. Best choice I ever made.

LilOtter

75. Why Not Keep What You’re Missing?

I was reunited with a family member just before her wedding. We went out drinking, and she proudly pointed out a guy at the bar that she’d just gone on a trip with and had a weeklong prenup romp. She seemed to think I’d think that was naughty and funny. I just felt bad for her future husband, but figured it was just a bad choice.

The day of the wedding, I went to see her in the bridal suite. She had the guy there with her. She’d screwed him the night before the wedding. They lasted a few years, but it was a miserable few.

amstobar

76. A Long Distance Divorce

The shortest-lived marriage I have ever been aware of was my own marriage in 2004. I kissed my wife goodbye for a three-month deployment to Pakistan in March of that year. I never saw her again. After two months of being there, she told me that she wanted to leave me. At the time, there was a loophole in divorce law that one website was exploiting.

It was called Quicksimpledivorce.com, and it basically meant that lawyers in Guam were legally allowed to process uncontested divorces way quicker than it would ordinarily take anywhere else. So, I paid them $800 and sent her the paperwork. We were living in Germany at the time, and she had already signed everything and left for the US before I even made it back home.

The divorce was finalized in August of 2004. What caused it all? I don’t know really, but I honestly feel like she may have been somewhat unhappy even prior to my departure. We had only been married for less than a couple of years, and we kind of rushed into the marriage back in 2002 when I first received orders to go to Germany.

sarzec

Shortest-Lived Marriages FactsShutterstock

77. Second in Command

Phone dinged, I checked it, (same phones no case both charging next to each other.) The text said, “I miss you too” and was from a girl he was dating when we were separated. Fast forward a few months to when he deploys. Check his email because at this point I know something is up. Find emails, so I contact the mistress.

She was very transparent with me and told me that basically, they were dating before he even met me, which means he courted me, asked me to marry him, and married me all while he was still seeing her. I found this all out while I was a month away from birthing his child and he’s getting shot at in Afghanistan.

We decide to work through it, but I never could get over the fact that he cheated on me for at least two years and had no problem hiding it from me, and only came clean because I found out, as in, he had no intention of coming clean. When he returned home he confessed to many other times with other people.

After he refused to go to counseling so that we can ACTUALLY deal with it, he tells me he wants a divorce. Sure, buddy. I got a divorce, got away from that awful man, and life is amazingly better now. Screw that guy!

canigetawitnessss

78. Going Mormon

My cousin, well she’s got quite the problem. She can’t seem to be happy being single and has an intense desire for that fairytale happily married life. A few years back, she starts talking with this Mormon bloke and claims to be in love with him, has met him lots of times, spends hours on video calls with him and the like.

After a few months, he proposes, and she sorts out her first passport, leaves her son with an ex-boyfriend—he was as close to being this kid’s dad as possible—and swears up and down to the rest of her family that she isn’t going to get married. The first time outside the country, possibly the first time she ever met this guy, as she lies to us about this stuff a lot. She gets married. Yeah, this was a BIG mistake. 

Before this, she converted to Mormonism and told us how she feels so connected to them, which she hasn’t felt for so long. She never goes out, so it’s kind of hard to feel connected to anything. But? She still drinks wine and smokes. She spends a while talking about being happily married and how she imagines her dad would be so happy for her.

Spoiler alert, he wouldn’t be by any means. He hated religion and Americans, and this guy was super religious and a yank. Her father would be rolling in his grave. About a year later, she’s in the process of getting the unconsummated marriage annulled. Straight up annulled, no divorce, just throwing the friggin’ thing away.

There was also the time she got catfished. One of the pictures was featured on gay blogs for years and was of a bodybuilder who was not only fairly local but actually married with a kid. She claimed to have seen the guy, who said he was a former soldier, firefighter, and a model. He did have a connection to the fire service, but he was far from a sculpted Adonis he pretended to be.

I think she still spoke with him for a while after discovering he was using stolen photos.

declared_somnium

79. The Internet Devil Strikes

My brother got married in the summer and before Christmas, he was in the middle of a divorce. Why? Because he used the internet for banking. She was a religious girl, and she went on a speech that said the internet is the devil. She asked him to stop, but he, like most people, needed to use the internet for work functions.

Aghast that he had an uncontrollable addiction, she took the kids and fled the state the next day. We thought the whole time that there was a deeper issue and that she was just using the internet as cover, but nope. The proceedings are over, and that’s what she claimed in court, when she was going after everything he had and custody. She actually thought it was a slam dunk.

petgreg

80. Couldn’t Resist the Triple Word Score

I was living with and engaged to a guy and we broke up after a weeklong beach house vacation with my family. Why? Because I beat him in front of everyone else playing Scrabble. He was a doctor with a huge ego and said that I was supposed to let him win to make him look good. After a week of the silent treatment when we got home, he moved out.

It was all okay because he was a gambling addict anyway and that was bothering me, so I was sort of pushing his buttons, I think. He wasn’t as angry when I confronted him about his gambling problem, so it’s funny to me that the last straw was Scrabble.

beautifulsouth00

81. Failed By The School System

When I was a kid, a 15-year-old girl wanted to get married to a 20-year-old guy. Because of her age, she needed her parents to sign off on it, so she begged and pleaded with her parents, who eventually allowed it for when she turned 16. But the guy divorced her after four years because she refused to make love or even kiss like it never occurred to her that was involved.

I suppose this is more of a reflection of the health education she received.

thethankfulidiot

82. Down To The Second

So back in the pre-iPhone era, there was a newly married couple in my apartment building, maybe 3-4 months into their marriage. I come home and hear them fighting about what the exact time is. Like, one was saying it’s 8:15 and the other was saying no, it’s 8:13. So, the next day the guy just walked out and I never saw him again.

Later I found out they got divorced “over some silly fight.”

AlphaDevirginator

83. Facebook Official

A lawyer I know got a divorce case because the husband didn’t change his Facebook status to married quickly enough after the wedding. It was like two weeks. The judge laughed at the lady and made them get marriage counseling. The lawyer pocketed north of $1,000 just for that.

Booty_Gobbler69

84. A One-Square Household

My boss just got divorced. His wife was telling people one of her reasons was the amount of toilet paper he used. They’re both old school so they didn’t live together until after the wedding. That’s why, by the time he found out she was a super coupon-clipper thrifty lady, it was already too late. Swear to god, she would listen when he went to the bathroom to see if he was using “too much TP.”

dizzylyingdown

85. Over The Hill

My ex-wife and I went up to Big Bear for our honeymoon. Wedding planning had been stressful so we were looking forward to getting away and doing something fun together. Let’s just say it did not go well. She said she grew up snowboarding, but she never made it down a hill and had a terrible time. So we went back to the cabin and she was pretty much just on her phone, not talking to me.

We make it back and she says she needs to just shower and be alone for a bit. She goes off and I just hang in the den. She left her phone in her purse and it just kept buzzing, so I checked it out because what if someone was trying to reach us or something? I open it up to read a full conversation between her and this guy. It wasn’t good.

I read how that day’s texts started and they started really early in the morning. “Hope you’re doing ok up there.” She said, “We’ll see, doubt it. He’s trying too hard. He should just know it really doesn’t matter. Wish I was up here with you instead.” Just the worst stuff. I was pretty devastated and really didn’t know what to do.

I knew I didn’t want to fight because I realized she wasn’t worth fighting for. Grabbed my bag and drove back to San Diego. I took her phone with me, so I could text him and tell him, “We’re coming home early, let’s meet.” I ended up inviting him to a coffee shop and waited for him to show up. When he walked through the door, he saw me immediately and kind of stopped.

I waved him over and wasn’t too far from the door, so I told him we need to talk. He comes over and already front loads with the “It’s not what you think,” blah blah blah speech. I told him that if he wants her, he can take his sorry butt to Big Bear and go get her. Because I was leaving and we’re through. See you when we sign the papers. And I left.

Second worst day of my life but I’m glad it happened. Met my lady three years later and we’ve been together for four years, now engaged. I don’t know if you asked this because you yourself are going through this and need comfort and to know what to do. But I hope this is just a hypothetical question and if not, there are better partners out there for us. You just need to let life introduce you to them.

RaddialFox

86. Getting Straight To The Point

I know two couples who got married for the sole purpose of being able to have intimate relations with each other, since they were both very religious and didn’t believe in premarital relations. Both marriages lasted a combined one year.

GohanSawsWood

87. Always Put The Seat Down

Came home from working a double shift and found the toilet seat up. Either my wife didn’t pee for 20 hours straight or there had been another man in my house. I suspected it was her “gay” friend from work. I also knew that said friend was trying to sell his house, so I called the real estate agent and asked the see his place.

Right inside the front door, I recognized one of her jackets hanging in the mud room. Proceeded to the living room. When I walked in, I saw an utterly chilling sight. Right on the mantel was a picture of my wife and this guy. Right there. We divorced shortly after. She ended up marrying this guy…then cheated on him…and now they are divorced. Didn’t feel bad for him at all.

signalthree

88. When The True Colors Came Out

He became a totally different person after we got married. He became very controlling and manipulative. I was expected to do all the chores and make dinner every night. This after working a highly stressful 40 hour/week job. He became emotionally and verbally hurtful to me. Constantly thought I was cheating on him.

If I had anything other than a smile on my face at all times I was ridiculed. Everything that happened was always my fault. He was never wrong. He was always the victim. I didn’t want to go home because I didn’t know if I was walking into Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. Had him go to two different counselors and didn’t make it more than two sessions with each because he didn’t need therapy.

I decided to stop it all when I started to become depressed from the constant stress. I am a normally very happy positive person and I became a walking bunch of nerves. I couldn’t get past the belief that anyone who truly loved me would never treat me like he had been. Have been divorced for six months now. Although I get lonely sometimes, I would still take loneliness a thousand times over being back with him.

AbbyNormal1773

89. I Now Pronounce You Squatter and Wife

My aunt was dating this unemployed dude for a while. He was staying in her house rent-free. They got married and were getting ready to go on the honeymoon when the new husband tells her he’s not going because he has to take care of his plants at the house. Big fight. Aunt goes on the honeymoon with her sisters instead.

She comes home and tries to kick him out of her house; he refuses to leave. She tries to get the authorities involved. Dude is live streaming on Facebook how he is being trapped in his own home. Officers tell my aunt there is basically nothing they can do. She can file for eviction after a divorce. Dude gets to live in her house with his precious plants for like three months until everything  gets worked out.

tacojohns97

90. The Pee-Pee Man

Not a lawyer, but I have I’ve been aching to tell this story for a while. So, this girl I went to school with marries this rich guy from Ohio. She moves in with him and they seem to get along well. Six months later, she files for divorce. Up to that point, all I’ve heard from her was how good it was going. Anyways, it turns out our buddy had a thing where he got off on urine.

He asked her to urinate on him in the tub. At first, she agrees to it as she thought it was a one-time thing. But he kept asking for it more and more. She tried to decline it respectfully, but he wouldn’t get any of the hints. She finally used the tub being too small as a reason. The next day she comes home with two dozen construction guys and their heavy equipment tearing the bathroom walls.

A week or so later, they finish up the bathroom. She comes home to a sign left on the fridge with a note to drink up, she got some watering to do. I don’t know what exactly she put down as the official reason in the paperwork but that was definitely her biggest reason to walk out of that relationship. Oh, I forgot to add, he also asked her to make animal sounds while she stood on top of him.

NamelessTag

91. Not the Brightest Match

I knew a guy from a high school job who divorced his wife of two months because she would sleep with a nightlight, but he could only sleep in total darkness. They apparently never lived together until after getting married. He hated her nightlight so much that he would often sleep on the couch instead, but sometimes he would claim the bed for himself and lock her out of the bedroom for the night.

This was an eccentric late 40s man working at Burger King who acted like all the other high school coworkers were his best chums, and often told us these weird stories. I’m glad I don’t work with him anymore.

yeerk_slayer

92. “Traditional” Husband = Chauvinist

A female friend of mine got divorced about four to six weeks into her marriage. Her husband at the time basically spent a few years prior to marriage being a bit of a salesman to everyone. But behind closed doors, the truth came out. They both had careers, and while he was okay with her making money, he also expected her to cook, clean, take care of the dogs, and never lifted a finger. He would just come home and pound drinks until dinner.

atlienkBottom of Form

93. I’ve Got a Little Secret

It happened to my college roommate, who was one of my closest friends at the time. He met a girl in junior year that our ENTIRE group of friends thought was wrong for him. But, alas, love is blind. Fast forward to summer after graduation, and they are planning to get married in the fall. I am asked to be part of the wedding ceremony.

The two of them ended up being apart for most of the summer, as he was busy working while she was still finishing up school and working on putting the wedding together. Finally, the summer was over and the big day arrived, so we all converged on her home town in Colorado. The wedding went down, as did the big reception.

LOTS of money clearly was clearly dropped on this one reception by the two families. We see them off to the honeymoon, and I return to my home sweet home in St. Louis. A week later, I get a call from him asking if he can come stay with me. Despite my confusion and many questions, I said sure. I picked him up at the airport.

He was by himself. At his insistence, we hit the nearest bar, and I immediately got to hear all about how he had just found out that she cheated on him over the summer, but went ahead with the marriage anyway because she had felt pressured by how much her parents were spending on everything. But the story got even worse from there.

She told him about this pretty much as soon as they were alone together, right AFTER the ceremony. She did not choose to tell him about it at any point during the week to 10 days that they were alone together for BEFORE the wedding. She insisted that they still go on the honeymoon to “work things out.” Nevertheless, she refused to be intimate with my roommate, as she still had feelings for the other guy.

So he left and never returned to her. He then had the marriage annulled within six months.

Pardon_my_baconess

94. A Matter of Trust

My sister was only married for two weeks. Originally, she was married to a really crazy jerk. She stayed with him for too long, and the divorce has been bitter. Her ex-husband was convinced that she had some kind of a secret trust fund that she was living off of, and he was demanding half of it. There is no such trust fund.

I mean, in what will hopefully be many, many years from now when our dad dies, there may be some money from his trust fund—but he’s very much still alive, so this guy was in no way entitled to any of that. Anyway, a little bit of time passes and my sister hooks up with another guy, who is apparently friends with her ex.

The ex decided to tell his friend about her mysterious “trust fund” and, intrigued by it, this new guy somehow convinced my gullible sister to marry him. New guy was clearly hoping that he would be more successful than his friend was in getting access to the trust fund—you know, the one that doesn’t actually exist.

Within days of marrying my sister, this new husband brought his ex-girlfriend and his child to stay with them—his ex who supposedly needed a place to stay since she was in an abusive relationship.  Very shortly after, we learned the truth. Her new hubby has secretly still been with baby mama for the entire duration of the relationship with my sister—and the guy only went out with her because he thought that she was a trust fund kid.

So, within just a couple of weeks of the nuptials, they were both at each other’s throats. He then threw out a bunch of her stuff, kept all of her expensive belongings, and filed a restraining order against her so that she couldn’t ever come back to the house—despite it having been her house all along. I’m not saying that my sister deserved all of this, but she does have a bit of a habit of stretching the truth.

Let’s just say I’m not fully convinced that these guys just got the idea that there was a secret trust fund out of thin air. Anyway, that’s the story of the time my sister was married for just two weeks!

gabberrella24

95. A Cell Phony

I went to a wedding where the bride got drunk and the groom picked up her phone to discover that she had been sexting a coworker throughout the entire wedding. He told the officiant to not file the paperwork. This occurred towards the end of the reception, as they were leaving to go to the honeymoon suite. The story is that she was very drunk.

Her phone kept getting notifications so he decided to pick it up for her. They did not go on their honeymoon and they returned the gifts to everyone. The guests weren’t told about what happened for a couple of weeks, as the bride was trying everything she could to save the relationship. Regardless, it was a great reception!

human2be

Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 


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