Folks at bars are sometimes at their best and, more often, at their miserable worst. As a result, bartenders hear it all. From first dates to fights, from flirting to finding out some god-awful truth about a loved one. All of these interactions are witnessed by our (usually) sober judge—the bartender. But now it’s time for these eavesdropping mixologists to spill their best overheard stories.
1. I Had The Time Of My Life
While I was working at a bar, I witnessed a complete relationship between two women over the course of one night. They met early in the night. They were clearly into each other, very flirty. They danced and drank the night away. They started making out and then disappeared for some time. The next time I saw them they were at each other’s throats.
No clue what happened but it ended with one saying “I never want to see you again.” Then stormed out of the bar. After that night I never saw either of them again.
2. Pet My Pet
One day I was busy serving a large group, but the bar was mostly empty and a guy behind me at the bar said “You wanna pet my parrot?” My initial reaction was the same as if a stranger had just come up behind me and touched my shoulders but when I turned around…It really was a guy with a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot’s name was Bobby, and yes, both me and the bartender pet him.
3. Talk Dirty To Me
An Iranian girl was on holiday with her brother and sister and the family came in for burgers—we’re known for burgers and a good time. While waiting, she got a little loopy and the drinks must have hit her hard because while eating the burger, she started dirty talking it! “I’m going to take you upstairs and show you a good time.” “Let’s go to bed so I can finish you off.” “You’re going to make me feel so good tonight.”
She was an absolute treat of a person and one of my favorite customers.
4. And Now A Word From Our Sponsor
I was tending bar during an extremely busy happy hour. The place was mobbed and super noisy. Suddenly, a guy sitting at the bar stands up and announces: “Ladies and gentlemen of the bar, I represent the Acme Meat Company and we carry a full line of high quality…”. The entire bar goes silent while he continues to do his sales pitch at full volume.
For some reason, he decided that this was a great time and place to hustle up some business. My manager sprinted over to him and told him to knock it off and that kind of thing wasn’t allowed in here. So he sat down and resumed drinking.
5. Super Bartender To The Rescue
I was working at a club/bar and overheard these two girls talking to one another. They were saying that they had no idea who the guy behind them was and why he kept asking them super personal questions and following them around the club. I made sure to serve them next and wrote a note on their receipt before I gave it to them.
On the receipt, I wrote that I had heard them and to meet me at the end of the bar and pretend that they know me. They followed me down and had the usual greetings and a friendly hug and made up some big story which they went along with. I pulled them behind the bar and asked them to confirm the guy and sure enough, he had followed them down and was giving me the evil eye.
I asked them if he was harassing them and they confirmed it. By this point, a more senior supervisor came down and we walkie-talkied a bouncer over to move the guy away but as he saw the bouncer approach he scarpered. The girls said thanks and were super grateful as they said they weren’t sure what to do about him and he was freaking them out.
We gave them a free drink each and told them to come back to me if they had any other trouble.
6. It’s All About The Layers
It was Saint Patrick’s Day, so the bar was crowded. Most people are pretty lively, but one middle-aged guy sitting at the bar looks miserable, just staring at his glass in silence for maybe an hour, slowly sipping. I’ve already been watching him because he seemed out of place, but I wasn’t working in that area of the bar.
He’s 3/4 of the way done with his drink and he abruptly stands up and walks to the back of the bar toward the hallway with the bathrooms and the kitchen. I watch as he walks past the bathrooms, and straight to the back door, labeled “Emergency exit only.” With zero hesitation, he pushes through the door. Luckily, there was no alarm.
At this point, I followed after him to see where he was going. As soon as he gets outside, he rips off the flannel shirt he was wearing and tosses it into the dumpster. Turning around in just his white tank top undershirt, he sees me and just says, “I was wearing too many shirts.” He walked right back inside, finished his drink just as silently as before, and then left.
7. Make Mine A Triple
This guy would come in and brag about his girlfriend and her girlfriend and their throuple relationship. Now, this guy was below average in looks. He was overweight and in his mid-40s with greasy hair, bad complexion, and an abrasive personality. I knew he was talking trash. No way this guy could pull off one woman let alone a throuple.
One day he walks in with two women who, while not stunning, were clearly way out of his league. Three drinks in and they start making out, pairing up, and passing each other around. It was both gross and fascinating. Like frogs mating. I couldn’t believe the guy was telling the truth.
8. Can We Talk Color?
There were these two rather uptight-looking women having drinks at the bar where I work. They were the kind of people who are always looking around at things with sort of distasteful looks. My bar is not fancy but it’s pretty nice. I walk past them at one point and hear: “I don’t know about you but I just can’t poop in a pink bathroom.”
9. I’ll Have That Drink To Go
The first bar I ever worked in was across the road from a hospital. We frequently were visited by officers looking for people who had escaped the mental ward who I had served, none the wiser. One time a guy handed me an empty coffee cup and asked if I would put their loved ones favorite double shot in the cup as the person in the hospital would more than likely die in the next day or two and wanted one last drink before they did.
10. Well, That Was Awkward
The couple had been quietly arguing all night. The husband looks at his wife and says, “You know what? I don’t want to be married to you anymore.” And he got up and left. It was so awful—but then, she came back in a couple of nights later and left a rather large tip to apologize for all the awkwardness. She felt the need to tell me that he had indeed left her and she was thrilled.
She became a regular after that.
11. Against All Odds
I work in a bar close to a football stadium so on a football match day it’s really busy. But there was this couple and they looked pretty normal—but what they were talking about really wasn’t. The dude turns to his girlfriend and says, “If our team wins three to nothing we get to do that thing in bed you never let us do.” She reluctantly agrees thinking it won’t happen.
Of course, they won three to nothing. I wonder what that thing he wanted to do was?
12. A Special Bond
I hear these two guys talking and they didn’t seem to know each other very well. I only heard bits and pieces of the conversation but it seemed that the one guy had met the other guy’s mother. But where he met her, really surprised me. He said he’d met her at one of those bondage bars! Well, that conversation ended pretty quickly.
13. Was It Special For You?
A man and a woman are sitting at the bar where I work. She suddenly starts crying and says, “I just want us to have something special”. The guy looked her dead in the eyes and said, “We do have something special, we fool around and we’re both married.” Ten minutes later, they are making out all over the bar. I loved slow Wednesdays.
14. Loser Buys Dessert
I had a couple of regulars at a bar/restaurant I worked at do this. They were married to one another but wanted both to earn points on their points cards. A lot of times when the bill was split down the middle one would pay a penny more than the other, so they’d see whose card had the extra penny, and the “loser” got to buy them both dessert.
They’d get excited and a bit happily competitive about it. It was quite cute.
15. All In The Family
I was a bartender and it was a dead night so I was eavesdropping on a couple at the end of the bar. He was flirting pretty heavily with the girl and she suddenly told him how funny he was. Then she said that he reminded her of her brother. I felt sorry for the guy cause I thought it was over. But the next thing she said…well, that shocked me.
She asked him if he wanted to go back to her place. That’s twisted.
16. No Rings Attached
I was watching this couple at the bar on a slow night. There was nothing really special about them until I heard them talk. She was totally seducing the guy and then I noticed his wedding ring. It broke my heart when I saw him literally take his ring off. He then called his wife saying he was staying at his buddy’s house and left with the woman. Heartbreaking.
17. Good To The Last Drop
I was tending bar at my local pub, loads of old boys used to come in and get properly razzled. One day at about 7 PM, I’m polishing glasses and there were these guys who’d been day drinking. I hear this almighty crash and turn around, one of them has fallen off their bar stool. Total silence, then one guy just loudly declares: “DIDN’T SPILL A DROP.”
The whole pub erupts with laughter, guy who fell still stands up, tips his hat, and goes home.
18. No Trash Talk Allowed
The first thing that popped into my head was something I overheard that turned into a BIG OL FIGHT. My buddy and I are bartending on a Friday night. It’s a fairly small place, with only 12 bar seats and some booths behind it, against the wall with space in between to stand. We’re fairly full and the night is going well. We’re busy but not rushed or overwhelmed.
A group of 10-12 people comes in. A group of 4-5 guys is standing at the corner of the bar and some other people in their group are seated at a booth behind them. I overhear that someone they know has recently passed away and they are coming from whatever memorial service they had for this person. Despite that they came from a funeral, they’re acting fairly normal for a group of people at a bar on a Friday night.
Nobody is outwardly overly emotional, just a group of friends having a drink and chatting. If I hadn’t overheard, there would be no indication of their situation. Then I overhear something else. A guy sitting at the bar, who was part of the group, mutters SO QUIETLY in a pretty loud bar, “Yeah, but he was a real piece of garbage though.”
Suddenly, one of the guys LAUNCHES himself at him and they go down. Turns out, it’s the deceased’s brother. Fight breaks out so I do my normal routine of turning the music off and the lights all the way up. I yell “Y’ALL GOTTA GO” and my other bartender has already printed their checks. Honestly, they were pretty great about it once we pulled the dudes apart. The shock of the lights going on always throws them off.
They didn’t fight us on leaving and felt pretty bad about knocking over tables and drinks onto their girlfriends. A guy at the end of the bar asked me what happened and when I gave him the full story. He was bewildered at how much detail I knew since I had spent the past hour mainly at his end of the bar. We’re always listening, folks.
19. World Famous Threat
I was working behind the bar the other night and we had to refuse service to a gentleman for not abiding by our house rules. He was not at all happy about the situation and issued the following threat: “If you don’t serve me you’ll find yourself on the front page of a newspaper tomorrow.” So…guess who’s going to be famous.
20. May I Have This Drink For The Rest Of My Life
I was serving one night and two girls came in, both laughing and enjoying their night. Both girls came up to the bar, and as I went to serve them, one of the girls said: “He’s hot, I fancy him.” I laugh and have a joke about it, and serve them. Anyway, turns out the girl who complimented me is my colleague’s sister, and the girl had said to the sister, “Why didn’t you tell me about him?!”
Roll forward a few years, we are now engaged, have a baby together, and are saving for a mortgage. Funny how life works really!
21. Shrimp Of The Devil
This was actually after I had clocked out and sat down at the other side of the bar for my end-of-shift drink. An older couple I had served earlier had come back. The bar was right next to a theater so we’d usually serve the same customers twice on show nights. They got dinner and were talking about what they’d ordered.
She says she got the shrimp dish, and that apparently didn’t sit well with her husband as he just started UNLOADING on her in a way that had my co-worker and I just shocked. Ordering the Camarones el Diablo was apparently enough for him to start griping about taking care of their granddaughter because his wife’s daughter was a drug addict.
Long story short, she says, “You know what, why don’t you walk back to the Airbnb and I’m going to drive home.” He left, she paid, and then she told us her story. This was their first night out in about a year and she had been thinking of divorcing him and that conversation made her mind up. Watched a marriage dissolve over dinner pretty much.
22. Just This Once?
One lady got inebriated off cosmos and kept asking her partner if she could do something to him. I couldn’t quite make what she was asking him to do because she was hard to understand. Finally, I heard her loud and clear as she shouted: “I want to PEG YOU!” I’ve worked in bars for years, but I’ll never forget the terrified expression on his face when she asked.
23. Eight Ball, Corner Pocket
It was a super busy Saturday night and the bar was packed with a really great fun crowd. This one guy was hitting on this girl relentlessly all night and she was obviously playing with him. They’re shooting pool and he’s making comments about how bad he wants to do her. I guess she’d had enough, because the next thing I hear is: “If you want me so bad, do me right now!”
This has my complete attention now. I stop what I’m doing behind the bar and am just watching at this point. He turns her around, lifts up her skirt, and starts doing her right over the pool table. I couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe it. This lasted maybe 15-20 seconds and I’m in shock. By the time I get from behind the bar over there to kick them out, they’re on their way out…leaving together.
Nothing I’ve seen or heard of has topped that one.
24. Smells Like Teen Spirit
I work at a bar in a hotel and we had an under 19s football team staying. It was evening and they’d all had dinner and gone back to their rooms. I was in the bar serving a group of middle-aged people when a couple of the women, probably in their 40s, started screaming in excitement. One of the lads from the football team was getting changed and had forgotten to shut his curtains, so you could see in from the bar windows opposite.
These women proceeded to get the other two women in the group to run outside with them and they all ran out like kids at Christmas to stand on the lawn and watch this literal teenager get undressed. I told the men still in the bar that they needed to get these women back inside and that most of these lads were minors, they told them and they did not care.
I had to call reception and tell them to call the adults with the team to go to all the boys’ rooms and make them aware to close their windows. That one really sticks out to me because it was such disgusting behavior.
25. This Regular Was Irregular
I’m a former bartender. There were quite a few regulars I was fond of but there was one in particular that I couldn’t let my guard down around. He was off in some way and I immediately didn’t trust him. He was slightly older than middle age. He introduces himself and I get his drink, as you do, and after a bit, he starts on about his life.
It seems his wife left him nearly a decade ago with two little ones to raise on his own. “It must have been rough,” I say. “Ahh, yeah, but I’ve worked hard and done right by my kids! Well, cheers to that.” Over time I hear him tell the same story the exact same way to several others, most of whom had heard it many times before.
One evening he comes in later than usual. “Hi, how ya doing,” I say, although I can tell he is in a foul mood. No harm, happens to the best of us. He sits near enough to the well with another gent I didn’t see in there much. The other gent seemed to be having lady troubles…and my shifty regular had all the wrong answers. That’s when I learned the dark truth about him.
In a hushed and angry tone, he said he took care of his own problem 10 years ago and made sure no one would ever find the body.
26. Have You Heard The News?
A regular of mine, who I hadn’t seen in a while, was sitting at the bar when I came in for a shift change. I came in the back way and noticed he had crutches leaning against the bar. There was recently in the news a story about someone who had accidentally shot himself in the leg. So I jokingly say, “You’re that idiot who blew off his leg aren’t you?”
The whole bar gets quiet and everyone is staring at me with weird expressions. My regular starts laughing. Yeah, it was him. I had no idea. I didn’t apologize, because as his favorite nasty bartender those comments were expected of me. Poor guy was only 20 something and blew his leg off close to the hip. No idea how he survived.
27. This Ice Ain’t Nice
These two girls were super inebriated and dancing on a mahogany high table which was really thick beamed and heavy. The table begins wobbling and one girl leaps off, table topples over—but her friend has her hand clasped around the edge of the table to hold on to it. The table lands with its full weight, including her own weight, on top of her hand, clipping the first joints of her index and ring finger clean off.
My colleague acts quickly and picks up the detached index and ring finger and throws them into our ice machine to preserve them until an ambulance arrives. That’s when I hear the manager scolding my colleague, cause she’s now rendered us entirely unable to serve any more drinks for the night and the ice machine now has to be cleaned.
28. Convince Me
As a bartender, I’ve seen a lot of people and usually the weirdest or most interesting are the people sitting by themselves. There’s just something about a person who drags themselves away from their home and into a bar that I find interesting—like why not drink at home, it’s cheaper. I remember this one guy sitting at the bar by himself.
Guy to himself: “Should I make it a double?” Same guy to himself: “Yeah I think you should.”
29. Um… Hello?
I used to work in a really bad place—no, not a dive bar, an Applebee’s. Once, a man at the bar passed out due to his blood pressure meds mixing with booze. He cracked his head open on the way down and his blood was just everywhere. So I’m calling for an ambulance and a hostess is trying to keep his wife calm, and a server is attending to the gentlemen—basically just applying pressure to his head, he was breathing.
As all this chaos is happening, a lady at a bar table starts yelling at me because they haven’t been greeted yet. She said: “I know there’s a lot going on, but that’s no reason to give us bad service.” I had no words!! I walked away from her before I lost my job. You can’t fix that level of selfishness.
30. Mom And Dad Have Some Bad News
I’ve seen “We should see other people” convos, awkward Tinder meetups, regulars who come in with a different girl every time, a regular whose WIFE I know who comes in with someone else. Another regular comes in looking for her husband, who was with someone else earlier that day. I got a couple now that I adore, but she is always wearing a very fancy but obvious submissive collar.
I lost count of how many men my dad’s age and up will ask me for my number. My most awkward to this day though was a couple who literally followed me from one bar to the next when I changed jobs, and then asked me to watch their dog for a second while they went outside…it turns out they were breaking up after 10 years together.
I still saw both of them after that, but never on the same day. Like they decided ahead of time who got me when. It was worse than when my parents were separated.
31. Better Safe Than Sorry
I was sitting at a bar with a band. It was noisy and crowded. Some girl comes up next to where I was sitting and tells the bartender, “Excuse me, but I just saw that guy (customer) right there put something in that girl’s drink.” I didn’t see the guy she pointed to. The bartender turns around and said something, I suspect a code word to somebody.
BAM. Immediately all the lights go on, the manager steps on stage, stops the band, and makes the following announcement: “Attention: We have a report that someone in this room possibly dosed a young lady’s drink. We request that all women here immediately put down your drink and don’t take another sip. We will replace your drink for free. If you are that young lady, we will notify you when you come to the bar. If anyone is feeling sick or weak please let us know.”
Wow. Lights stayed on. The band remained off. For a long time, maybe an hour. Cheers from the crowd and nobody complained. Don’t know what the guy did, because I didn’t know which guy it was. That place rocks.
32. No Pay, No Play
I was working the bar in the afternoon and this lady comes in all dressed up in a beautiful and VERY revealing mostly see-through green sequin dress. This guy started to chat her up, he paid for her food and drinks and everything. Eventually, they left together. But then he came back about 30 minutes later and I told him I was surprised he came back.
He said: “Yeah…we were driving to her hotel and she told me her fees—I didn’t realize, so I dropped her off at her hotel.”
33. Big Bartender Is Always Listening
I’ve heard so many things as a bartender. Also, a lot of people talking about illicit substances. Here’s a professional tip: If you’re in a bar with loud music, we can almost always hear you better than you can hear us. Most bars are smart enough to set up their sound systems in a way that their bartenders can hear guests (even if it’s not super easy), so you might not be able to hear us say “$12!” but we can hear that Ben has the baggie!
Also, even if there isn’t music blaring—even if a bartender doesn’t seem like they’re in earshot or paying attention—most of the time they can hear you and are absolutely paying attention because 85% of the job is basically eavesdropping. We’re listening to hear how your discussion about getting another round is going so we can pop in and say, “Well, happy hour is starting, can I get you folks another round?” or to overhear if you’re celebrating, etc.
34. And The Oscar Goes To?
One day I had a guy in my bar that had just won a bunch of money on a horse race, like to the tune of $10,000.00. He was sober on arrival(ish), but kept ordering bottles of expensive Pinot if I remember right. Anyway, he seemed fine until all of a sudden I was making a drink and I heard him talking to this couple at the bar.
The guy is sobbing to this couple and saying: “I’m an alcoholic, nobody loves me, and aside from money I’ve got nothing. My life is garbage and I just want someone to hold me.” The woman touched his shoulder and said that she was sorry to hear that. She was saying nice stuff like that the guy reminded her so much of her son.
The husband of the couple asked if maybe the guy had too much PInot. The rich guy’s face suddenly changes to a weird Joker smile. And he says: “Haha! ACTING! you never suspected a thing!” The couple was floored. Anyway, guy was inebriated, we had to have him escorted out shortly after all that. But that convo was one I’ll never forget.
Dude was full-on crying/sobbing for at least 3-5 minutes before pretending it was all an act.
35. Call Me By My Name
My first day on the floor where I had a couple come in. They seemed normal but midway through their drinks, things felt tense. While doing my rounds of pre-bussing my tables I walked past and heard the girl say, “Just because I was dressed like someone else doesn’t mean you can call me their name” and the guy replied: “That’s the whole point of role-playing—you’re acting like someone else.”
Safe to say I skipped their table when picking up glasses. I guess they must’ve broken up because when I came back out the girl was gone and he had asked me for the check.
36. Mountain Blue?
I worked in a tiny nightclub in the mountains for two years. Because it was the only place that played house music in the area, it attracted some characters who usually were hopped up on who knows what. One night I was taking a kid’s order, and he was ordering 3 RBVs for him and his friends. In the middle of his order, a huge blue light and crazy zapping sound exploded from below the bar on his side.
The order came out something like “TittEEEYEEETEEEEEOOOS plEEAASSE ohmygod!” I was like “Dudem did you just tase yourself??” The kid was literally seizing up and twitching as he denies. “Nnno dude, itszzzz an app it’s it’s a tTTTaser app…” II was like just show me the app, if it’s not an app, I just wanna see the taser, I’ve never seen one.
At this point he’s like sputtering and sucking up drool and swiping between apps, showing me his phone screen, hands quaking. His friends tried to get him to leave, he refused. I was cracking up and called security over, told the bouncer the kid had just tased himself by accident. They were shown out, gently.
37. I Want To Know You Better
I heard the following strange conversation between two guys who were supposed to be friends. The first guy asks the second guy if he was busy tomorrow. The second guy says he had to clean his pool. The first guy was like, “But it’s winter.” Guy number two casually mentions that he has an indoor pool. The first guy is shocked.
“Wait,” he says. “You have an indoor pool?” The second guy then says, “Yeah, don’t you?” And then the first guy says, “No, we’re not all adult film stars.” Now, how Guy 1 knew he was an adult film star but didn’t know he had an indoor pool kind of confuses me.
38. I’m Starving For A Cosmo
I’m a bartender with over 18 years of experience in the business. Nothing shocks me. Like my limit of crazy would be pretty up there. Literally last night on my shift, a woman arrives with, I assumed to be, her son or nephew. She had called in food but it wasn’t ready—we told her 30 minutes or 45, so of course, she shows up in 15 minutes.
I tell her that her food isn’t ready and she immediately throws her arms up and demands a cosmo because she is starving and the kid is starving. I’m making her cosmo the kid comes up to the bar and I can hear the woman yell behind him, “Go ahead babe! Tell ‘em you want it on the rocks!” The kid orders chocolate milk on the rocks.
Don’t do this, don’t send your kid up to a bar, it’s not cute, it’s for adults, not for little kids to spin around and make a mess of my bar. Anyway, I make him one. Then two, and the food isn’t ready still. The woman screams that the kid is now going to throw up because he is so hungry. I cannot make the food come out any faster than it is.
The woman is finally handed her food and as she is storming out she is screaming, “HE THREW UP, HE THREW UP! I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY” and then left. There was a nice pile of barf on the table. Class act. Normal night.
39. Scrub Up Before Downing Shots
One time I was tending bar and there was this kind of fancy-looking guy who was slowly downing drinks. It was a dead night so when he started talking to me I had time to listen. It was kind of eerie when he said he was a surgeon and then told me in intricate detail the spinal surgery that he had done earlier that day.
40. Bartender For Hire
At my bar, I’ve seen a bunch of breakups in process. I had a regular couple that used the hotel next door to have their affair every Tuesday. But the strangest thing that immediately comes to mind was a conversation I was actually a part of. This couple talked me up a ton during their time at the bar, and at one point the husband went to the restroom.
Once we were alone the woman asked me if I thought she was hot. I said sure, because she was, and then she asked me if I wanted to do her. She then explained to me that her husband just wants to watch and wouldn’t bother us. They left their room key for their hotel room located next door and asked me to stop by after work. Then, they left me a $100 tip.
41. Here’s A Tip: Try A Different Bar
So we used to have this regular that would come in with his wife every Tuesday, and he’d always tip decent, and then he’d come in with his younger hotter neighbor the next day and tip reeeeaaal well. We could always hear him saying stuff like “I’ll leave my wife for you,” etc. But that’s not the crazy part. She was a regular as well, and constantly flirting with other guys.
She brought in her own men in on occasion.
42. Suspicious Job Offers
I used to have this one regular customer who always paid and tipped generously in old $100 bills, the kind that are not in circulation anymore. He always talked about living in South Florida in the early 80s and how Stevie Nicks was a personal friend. He said he ran his own company but no one ever really knew what he did.
I used to overhear him offer jobs to all the youngest and cutest new servers but the other bartenders and I would intervene and tell the poor, unsuspecting girls not to take him up on it. One day he stopped coming in and no one ever saw him again. I just always assumed the DEA finally got him.
43. Can I Supersize That Please?
Before I became a bartender, I was a bar back so once the lights came up, the bartenders would leave and I’d be left behind with all the leftover guests while security came up and had everyone leave. So I’ve heard a bunch of weird stuff but the one that always stuck out was one night, closing up shop, a “lady of the night” was negotiating terms with a client for a nightcap.
Now, this isn’t rare for our bar just because of locale/clientele, but what made this one interesting was the guy kept adding on services and the girl just kept adding on to his tab. At the very end of it all, they had settled on $700 for an hour when his buddy came up and jokingly asked who the girl was. The guy responds, “This is my date for the night,” and he turns to his buddy and goes “Ohhh, can I watch?” half-jokingly—at least that’s how it came out to me. I couldn’t believe what happened next.
The guy turns to his date and says, “How much for him to watch?” Girl quotes him at an extra $300 to watch for the session, $500 if he joins in. I legit dropped the glass in my hand and had a record scratch moment as I turned around to see how this would all go down. The guy turned to his friend, nodded, and off the three of them went to enjoy the rest of the night.
44. Another Rosé Ms. Tyson?
When I was a bartender 25 years ago I had a regular who was a trans, in their 60s. Very kind. Would come in, order a glass of rosé and be content. I also had a group of other regulars, some retired guys that thought they were god’s gifts to all women. They drank the hard stuff, bragged about their boats and romantic conquests.
Only occasionally would both the group of losers and the regular be at the bar at the same time. But when they were together, the group of guys would make snarky comments to themselves about them. One day they were feeling especially pickled and jerk-ish and the comments and questions were directed at her and within her space.
I wasn’t really too concerned because you see, I learned through conversations with her that she was once a Golden Gloves boxer, and if the idiots had paid attention and looked at her hands, they’d see they were friggin’ cinder blocks! One got too close and too obnoxious and boom! She clocked him good and he went straight down.
She went back to her rosé, he got helped up by the rest of his group. Guys never bothered her again. I think I gave her another glass of rosé on the house.
45. Bucket List Blunder
As a bartender, people normally come in and pour their life story out to us. I didn’t overhear this because it was in a conversation between a guy at the bar and me. This guy told me the tragic story of him having been diagnosed with cancer and it was terminal. He was obviously quite inebriated, and I asked him if he was okay.
He said he’s just back from doing the one thing he’s wanted to do all his life: having a threesome with two beautiful women. He described the threesome in great detail which made me feel quite uncomfortable. But it was about to get much more uncomfortable. You see, when the conversation continued we actually found out that he was one of my friends’ fathers who I’d never met. He made a quick exit, feeling quite humiliated.
He passed on a month later, unfortunately. That was four years ago. I’ll never tell my friend what happened.
46. Try Paleo Or Atkins
I was working at a bar in Norfolk. I really loved that place. But one time I had two rather large men sitting at the bar. They were silent for ages until one suddenly turns to the other and asks: “Why are you so fat?” The other guy shrugs and says: “Cos I eat a lot.” Then they just went back to drinking in silence. I miss Norfolk, they were clearly best mates.
47. They Really Hit It Off
I was a bartender for about two weeks, filling in for a relative who owned the bar and was off enjoying his honeymoon. I overheard a guy talking to a woman. When I realized what they were saying, my blood ran cold. He was talking about murdering her husband. I called the authorities, but these patrons were gone before they showed up.
This was before cameras, so I just gave my story and that was it. Not long after, my uncle calls me saying some officers are looking for me. They interviewed me about the couple. Apparently, the guy was a hitman for hire and the woman was trying to get some insurance money. She got busted. It was actually an episode of Forensic Files, back when that was on TV.
I remember watching the episode and they said something like, “The couple was overheard discussing the murder in a bar.” I was kind of upset that they didn’t mention me. Lol. I was hoping for, “The awesome bartender overheard them, but couldn’t really tell us much. He also pointed at the male in the photo lineup and asked ‘Is this him?’ as if he was unsure.”
48. Money Makes The World Go Round
A married couple in their 50s was in the bar where I worked and they were arguing. From what I could make out, they were fighting about how they were going to explain the fact they couldn’t pay the remainder of the $3 million bill for a Ferris wheel they’d ordered 18 months ago. They’d already put a $1 million deposit on it, and the collection was due at 8 AM the following morning.
49. Last Night A Bartender Saved My Life
This older guy comes into the bar, as soon as he walks through the door he starts looking around the room, taking pictures. I think it’s a bit odd but I do work in a really cool bar so it’s to be expected. He comes to my station and normal conversation starts: “How’s your night,” “What’ve you been up to,” “Where are you from,” etc.
We get on to the topic that he’s a gambler and a bit of a con man, I’m super into it as I love things like that! Seems pretty legit, he’s showing cars he’s had, starts having small fun bets with people around—not for money, but just for fun and laughs. We form a good rapport, I’ve made him a drink that he’s never had.
After a while he starts talking in a regretful way, how he’s screwed people over, he’s wasted his life, not been a not nice character. I think he’s cool, has interesting stories, made my night entertaining, and has entertained others around him so I let him know. I don’t know about his past, but from what I’ve seen he’s an interesting dude and is alright by me.
I remembered him for a while as being one of my favorite and most interesting customers in the six years that I had been a bartender and did think how he was getting on as he wasn’t from round here. Fast forward about half a year, he comes in so I greet him and he straight away asks for the drink I made him that night.
I make him his special drink, serve it up, and then go to shake his hand. He holds onto my hand with both of his and says, “I’m so glad you’re in tonight, I was really hoping I’d see you!” I thought he was just being nice until I realized he was starting to well up, which is when he said something that shocked me—and broke my heart.
He said something like: “You saved my life. That night I came in I was going to end my life. I came in for one drink to work up the courage and you stopped me from doing that. You listened to me and enjoyed it and I’m so thankful. Thank you. Thankyou. I can’t thank you enough. I really mean it. I do.” And that’s one of the most impactful moments I’ve ever had in my life.
50. A Little Something To Remember Me By
Three girls sit down on one side of my bar, all fairly attractive. They start telling stories, I was eavesdropping. One girl starts talking about a guy she’d picked up the night before and brought back to her place. She says it was good, and the guy was nice. She says when the guy is ready to leave, he gets up, leaves the room, comes back in, kisses her forehead, and leaves.
The other two girls are like, “Oh that’s so sweet.” What she said next will haunt me forever. She tells them that the next morning she comes out of her room and looks at her couch in horror. The guy had taken a dump on the couch. I’m suddenly riveted by this story, listening as hard as I can. Her friend says, “What do you mean?” She says he did a number two on her couch and then left.
I’m trying so hard not to crack up and make it obvious that I overheard this. The second girl asks if she is serious, she reiterates that the guy pooped on her couch. Oh, but the best was yet to come. The third girl says, “Yeah I hooked up with him a few weeks ago, he did the same thing to me.” I lost it, cracking up. I wanted to ask her why she didn’t warn her friend.
I have so many more questions! What happened to the couches, who is this crazy guy, and how can he keep hooking up inside the same group of friends!